


형 HYUNG

by Baby_Soulchild



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Bullying, Drama, Family, High School, Love Story, M/M, mafia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-06 15:37:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 62
Words: 212,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3139613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baby_Soulchild/pseuds/Baby_Soulchild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>MAMA School was an all private school, from middle to high school. Life in that perfect school was peaceful. Well, that was what our young boy thought it would be when he asked his mother to enroll him into this exceptional school. That was what he still thought while listening to the director’s speech at the first-day meeting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Foreword

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The best absolute perfect lie](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/83339) by TenTenJjang. 



> Older brother = a boy calls another boy older than him ‘Hyung’, a girl calls a boy older than her ‘Oppa’.
> 
> Older sister = a boy calls a girl older than him ‘Noona’, a girl calls another girl older than her ‘Eonni’.
> 
> (for the people who didn’t know the meaning of Hyung)

_❝_ _To all newcomers, Welcome to MAMA SCHOOL, And to all the others. Welcome back home._

_MAMA isn’t only a place where you will be learning Mathematics, Literature, History or Geography. It is an excellent place to live your most beautiful years. MAMA will be your second home._

_As in the world you will enter after graduating from this school, there are rules to follow. And the most important rule is : Not to be disrespectful._

_Respect your parents. Your teachers. Your elders. Your friends. And especially respect yourself._

_Rules are made for everybody to live together in peace. So I hope you’ll never break this peace. That you’ll never break the rules._

_I hope you’ll fulfill your dreams here. And if you haven’t found it yet, I hope we can help you to find it soon._

_Once again. Welcome and Welcome Back to MAMA._ _❞_

  
Everybody applauded at the inspiring speech. The director was shining on stage, smiling brightly to every newcomer well seated and ordered in front of him. Among the crowd of new and old students, there was that little tiny blonde boy. Junhong had been really touched by the director’s speech. What a great idea of his to enter this school. His amazed gaze wandered over the teachers standing on stage, then on other people around him. That’s when one person in particular got his attention. The boy whom he believed to be older, not only because of his height but also because of how he was standing, there, apart from the crowd, in front the doors of the gymnasium that led outside. Two others were standing at each of his sides, observing the large room as if they were supervising the meeting.

Tall, blonde and because it was clearly dyed he looked like one of those typical bad boys, a body well built enough to fill his shirt’s sleeves, he looked manly and that fierce appearance made him look quite scary. The heart of our young boy randomly started to pound fast and hard in his chest. Moving a hand to wipe his forehead he wondered what was happening to him, he felt his cheeks becoming hotter. Maybe it was because he hadn’t eaten enough this morning, but he didn’t mind about his own state any longer and went back to looking at that boy again. Junhong wondered who he was. Why was he standing there and not with the other students ? Maybe he wasn’t a student… But he didn’t look like a teacher neither…

That was quite a surprising thing, it was the first time it happened to Junhong, that in only watching the other for a few seconds he wanted to know more about him. He already imagined himself being his friend, talking and laughing with him. To put it simple, to be part of his life. But, because there was a but, Junhong knew himself too well to know that he would never approach him. He was way too shy and the other looked way too scary. If the other ever acknowledged him it would be only to bully him and Junhong wasn’t really up to be bullied again.

He mentally tried to attract the boy’s attention to him, but failed… miserably. It was now time to go home. When he passed in front of him, his heart almost jumped out of his chest, yet he passed by as if the reason of his strong heart beats was a trivial boy among many others and he just felt happy he had been one meter away from the said boy who must be a sunbae. He hoped he would see him again, when he would be back the following day for his first day of middle school.  

 

 

Many thanks to [DreamHighSH](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/27048) from [♥~Vannilli Art Shop~♥](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/243361/vannilli-art-shop-request-oneshots-art-backgrounds-drawings) for the poster


	2. First meeting day

** YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW **

Boring.

_❝_ _MAMA will be your second home._ _❞_

Listening to the director’s speech was so boring, even more since he thought his speech was perfect and didn’t feel the need to change it. I tried not to listen to all the crap that was coming out of his mouth, but he had made sure to put the volume of the loudspeakers to their maximum so we would be forced to listen, or at least to hear it.

_❝_ _… there are rules to follow._ _❞_

So he hadn’t changed it since the last five fucking years. I know, I know, I should only blame myself for that. I shouldn’t have said his speech was perfect but back then, I was only twelve or thirteen years old. What, did you want me to understand all of that crap ? A kid, I was only a kid and the director had just asked a kid for his opinion on his welcoming speech …

_❝_ _Respect your pa_ _rents._ _❞_

Shit.

_❝_ _And especially respect yourself._ _❞_

All he said is shit.

_❝_ _… to live together in peace._ _❞_

“Instead of the director’s speech, we should call it the director’s shit.” I kept ranting inwardly, but I heard muffled chuckles at each side of me, which made me realize I had thought that one sentence out loud, at least loud enough for them to hear me.

_❝_ _Welcome and Welcome Back to MAMA._ _❞_

Look at his stupid smile… He’s happy. Sure he was and he must be the only one. He should stop getting fooled by it, all those people aren’t applauding because his speech was  _touching_  or whatsoever, they’re applauding only because he was the director and they were nothing more than ass-kissers. But stop the meaningless rant, I wasn’t here with my friends to listen the director’s shit. I had a mission. We had a mission.

We were here to ensure everything went smoothly. Watch those kids, watch them carefully, aren’t they cute ? They all look so wise right now, they wouldn’t do anything wrong, oh no, never ! But I know. What did I just say, stop being fooled like those old teachers who think those little angels would stay wise, pure and innocent until their last school day here. They were entering our school and they thought they were grown enough to make and follow their own rules. That was the reason why I was here, the reason why we were here, to ensure the school’s rules were followed. We wouldn’t allow any overflow.

The First Meeting Day was now over. Everything went well. But until when?


	3. First day

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

I glanced at my watch for the nth time that night, the needles of the clock were moving so slowly. Five, four, three, two, one. I turned my alarm off not even after the first ring. Six in the morning. It was time to get ready for school. I hadn’t slept at all but I didn’t feel tired in so far, I was still in my previous mood, too excited for my first day of school. It was really the first time I was excited about going to school. With a bright smile on my face, I passed my head in my shirt, my mind full of yesterday’s happenings, that sunbaenim*, the director’s speech, that sunbaenim, the school, that sunbaenim, the teachers, that sunbaenim, the other students .. and that sunbaenim.

I need to find out more about him, his name, his class and how he was. Then, depending on what I would hear or discover, I might go introduce myself to him. After all, new school, new life. Forget about the shy Junhong, I was a new me. Once I was done with trying to brush my hair I went down to eat the breakfast that my lovely mom had cooked for me. I did repeat more than once that I was old enough to do it myself but I guess she was as excited as me for my first day of middle school, if not more and had needed something to get her mind and hands busy.

" Why didn’t you brush your hair ?

– I did !

– How come you did ? It’s so messy, it looks like you just woke up !

– But I swear to G.. ” I stopped mid-sentence at the glare my mother was sending me, her natural blonde bangs falling on her shoulders and hovering her face, that she put behind her ear waiting for me to end my sentence so she could scold me for swearing on God’s name, ” if I told you I did, it’s because I did. Why would I lie to you ?” My explanation looked like it satisfied her as her straight look turned into a smoother one and she smiled to me.

" That’s true, you wouldn’t lie. It is really bad to lie and it only brings misfortune. Come I’ll brush your hair. " She grabbed a brush but regardless of the effort we put in brushing it, my hair would always return to their original state, curly as ramen. It may be unbelievable but I did get my blonde hair from my mother, she must be the only one natural blonde Korean out there and she had to be my mother, on top of that she had to marry my father and his curly hair, and from that strange combination a kid like me was born. Sure I never passed unnoticed wherever I went and my parents always felt sorry for me, for giving such garish hair to a boy as shy as I was.

MAMA was one of those schools everybody wanted to enter, you know … schools for rich and/or smart people, but what made the difference with MAMA was that it was a peaceful place, everybody helping everybody and understanding toward each others. No hate, no mocking, no bullying. The perfect school if you wanted my opinion. Some would say I was too naive to believe that such a school would exist without any flaws, but I did and would until I got the proof of the contrary. I felt better being optimistic, I had to be after all the bullies I had already gone through.

Curly blonde hair and that was all kids needed to mock another one, because he wasn’t like them, physically. That little boy was too shy to contest and they thought they were right. The adults didn’t really say anything, after all it was just kids laughing and playing around, they couldn’t be bad, but it hurt that little curly blonde hair and shy boy, it was me and I believe that because of this, I looked more mature and experienced than other kids of my age.

That was my reason to enroll myself in MAMA. Well, I didn’t enroll  **myself**  in, my family wasn’t a poor one but neither was it a wealthy one. I wasn’t like those clever kids who could do complicated calculations or speak more than three languages at the age of five. So by what miracle did I make into that wonderful school ? Not that much, it was my mother who did something. Thanks to her, or more thanks to her connections, she knew the director of MAMA from her own school days. When she asked me which school I wanted to go to and that I answered MAMA, she immediately asked the director a favor, which he accepted without asking any questions. He had just been glad he could help her and seeing their long lasting friendship I wished I could find friends like this too. He made my parents pay the third of the normal school fees and my parents still had hard time paying it, but it was better than nothing. So of course, I had to be optimistic about that school !

Finally, it’s with the same fast heartbeats as yesterday that I reached the school’s gate, I gulped seeing the same sunbaenims as the day before waiting at the gate. I felt excited but quickly calmed down noticing that the one that interested me wasn’t there. I felt quite impressed but still managed to bow as I passed in front of them. Maybe because I was too small, they didn’t notice me except one guy. He smiled widely to me and it warmed my heart, but as I walked away I glanced to them and noticed he hadn’t smiled to me in particular but was smiling to almost all people out there. He just looked .. happy. The band looked so cool waiting like this and I thought that if all my elders were like them, this school was really the perfect one I depicted myself.

I was lost and late to my first course while trying to search for my classroom, like some other students. I had simply followed others without even knowing if they were in the same class as me or not. Quite dumb I know, but I didn’t know what else to do. Finally a sunbaenim came to our rescue, as he walked to us I recognized him to be one of the sunbaenims I saw at the gate this morning. I thought he would scold us for being late but he did nothing of that, we mustn’t be the only ones lost in the huge corridors. His voice was soft as he asked for our names and looked at the folder he was holding, which must have our files inside. He walked us to our classrooms and in the end, only one boy among the three others had been in the same class as me so I felt less lonely.

" Mrs. Lee. I’m sorry to disturb your class, I brought you your first lost students.

– Ah, thank you mister Yoo. Please go to your places. ” The teacher, a beautiful typical like Korean woman, told us.

There was only two desks left, they were single desks with their own drawer under them, so they had counted how many students we were in that class to put the exact number of desks. Third row of five, I sat on the one closer to the window and the boy who was with me sat on the other seat next to me. I turned to him while the teacher was still talking with the sunbaenim.

" Hi, I’m Choi Jun Hong.

– Kim Won Shik. ” He smiled back to me and we listened to the teacher introducing herself and the subject she taught which was mathematics. She asked us to tell her if we had any problems and not be shy to ask her questions back, yet she didn’t answer when a student asked her if she was married. We all laughed and I already liked my class.

During the break I chatted with Wonshik, he talked to me about fashion and trends, and I told him I was one of the rich kids like him. I didn’t know why I lied to him, it just came out like this and contrary to what my mother told me in the morning, it hadn’t bothered me more than this and Wonshik didn’t scold me for that. I lied even more saying that I hadn’t been in a school for rich kids before because my father just opened his company not long ago and earned a lot of money suddenly. We got along really fast and I surprised myself I got a friend only on my first day here.

When lunch break started, we walked together to the cafeteria. He kept ranting about many brands I have never heard about before and I made a note in the back of my head to search for them when I get back at home. Once our trays were filled with various food we searched for a place to sit and that’s when I saw him, finally. He was sitting there with his band and a bunch of girls surrounding them. I wondered why he wasn’t there at the gate this morning and I was already imagining myself going to sit with them when Wonshik suddenly grabbed me by my arm to pull me in the opposite direction from where the sunbaenim was sitting. I sat sadly with my new friend, too far to my taste to the dyed blonde sunbaenim who was actually the scary type, he just packed off the girls that were around them and he made the whole canteen startled at his outburst. When everybody went back to their business, I still had my eyes on him and hadn’t touched my plate yet.

" Bang Yong Guk.

– What ?

– His name is Bang Yong Guk.

– I-I don’t care ! ” I looked at my plate blushing and repeating his name in my head, Bang Yong Guk, it sounded good. I forced myself to be more interested into the noodles in front me, but I was so tempted to look at him. I blushed even more hearing Wonshik chuckling.

" You seemed pretty interested in him right now …

– … How do you know his name ? ” In the end, curiosity was devouring me from my insides and it looked like Wonshik knew some things about him. My leg was shaking from impatience while he started to eat calmly, I knew well by the look he was sending me that he was doing it on purpose but I didn’t give him the pleasure to see me break and waited calmly.

" I thought you didn’t care … "

I stared at him without saying any words, I had some  _assets_  and I knew how to use them well, I watched him with my pleading eyes and he didn’t take long before giving in to me.

" Don’t look at me with those eyes …

– …

– Okay. I’ll tell you … Everybody knows who he is.

– I didn’t.

– Cause you’re sort of new.

– Oh…

– And he is someone you’d prefer not to get involved with.

– Why that ? ” I asked even if with his previous outburst I had some ideas as to why.

" There are rumors about him and his band.

– What rumors ?

– Many… I heard if you break one of the school rules, they would chase after you to break your neck… ” He let a silence between us, the time for us to look at him but we looked right away as one guy of his band was looking in our direction. I gulped as I felt like he had looked at me but it must had only been an impression I got because we were talking about them.

" Bang Yongguk-sunbaenim seems like he could do that, but the one to his left seems like he couldn’t hurt a fly… " My heart had beat faster when I spoke his name for the first time, it felt nicer to say it out loud than to hear it.

" Don’t get fooled by his smile. Jongup-sunbaenim is a professional of many martial arts. It seems like one time, he had sent someone to the hospital. "

I gasped but this time I didn’t dare to look at them -scared that one of them would be looking in our direction again- to confirm that the one we were talking about really didn’t look like the one Wonshik was depicting to me. How could a sunbaenim that smiled all the time be that scary ?

" The one to Yongguk-sunbaenim’s right side is Kim Him Chan. He is very bright and wealthy, that’s why all the girls are chasing after him. It seems like he’s the one who can soothe the band. The one in front Yongguk-sunbaenim is Yoo Young Jae, he is the one who rescued us in the morning, he may appear as a dumbass but he’s the smartest one in this entire school. He got a scholarship until university, and he already got a job waiting for him after his studies … and the last but not least : Jung Dae Hyun. He’s part of mafia" he whispered his last sentence watching me in the eyes with a serious look he hadn’t on his face before.

" He is a maf-

– Shhh!!! ” He shushed me glancing at them and watching back at me, as if they could hear us from that far and mostly with Wonshik whispering when everyone around us was talking so loudly. ” Don’t talk about it. It’s well known that he is but if you don’t want any problem, don’t talk about it.” He cut it short, visibly not wanting to further our conversation.

Unfortunately for me, it was the last time this day that we talked about Yongguk-sunbaenim and his band, it had also been the only time I saw him as I didn’t cross his path in the corridors after, nor did we see any of his band, but I wasn’t that sad. On the contrary, I felt happy and blessed from God that I had been able to see him on my first day back here, I also had learned his name. After all, I couldn’t have everything on the first day. The afternoon was dedicated to the activities, I didn’t know what to choose so I followed Wonshik in a class in which a teacher explained certain things about courses we would have and all the different clubs so we could choose one or on the contrary choose a class to study the subject we had hard time with.

The first day had been perfect and I walked back to my house at feet, it wasn’t that far from the school, as I was a fast walker I never put more than twenty or thirty minutes to reach my house. The streets I walked by to head home weren’t that safe but my father said I was grown up enough. Yet, he always said I wasn’t enough to get a portable and that I should have chosen, MAMA or a phone. I didn’t complain though. It just made me walk faster, so if I did walk at normal speed I would spent a bit more than forty five minutes to get home I guess. Passing the front door, I was beaming when my mother welcomed me.

" Ohhh, I don’t think I need to ask you how your day was. " I smiled brighter and she chuckled. " Oh.. you seem too happy for it to be caused only by your first day of school.

– What do you mean ? ” I asked following her to the kitchen after I took off my shoes.

" She must be really pretty. " She said and turned her back to me, to start cooking. I looked at her confused.  _She ?_  I suddenly felt weird, she must think I was in love with a girl but .. I hadn’t even looked at any girl in school and I kept thinking only about that one sunbaenim. I started wondering if I shall tell her that I felt more attracted to that boy than to any other girl, but she would confound it as love … it wasn’t love … or maybe was it ? I decided I wouldn’t tell her right now and would only when I would be sure about what I felt. I did see it often in the movies and dramas on TV but it was the first time for me to feel it. I just didn’t want to mess up my first love confounding it with whatever other feeling could exist.


	4. First week

** THIRD POINT OF VIEW **

If another word existed to define perfection, it would be the perfect word to be used to describe how Junhong’s first days at school were. Whether it was about teachers or the other students, everything had went so well. First he hadn’t wanted to believe it, but as days passed, Junhong started to believe that it was real. After all those years of bullying he finally had a simple and normal life in that school that was far from being simple and normal. Which meant only one thing .. Junhong should have known.

He should have known that it wouldn’t last.

It started that one day when the tiny blonde boy was late to his history’s course, that teacher was the scariest teacher in the school and he had to be late for his course. All this because he had woke up late after spending a part of his night searching again the new trends so he wouldn’t be left behind or lost in his conversations with Wonshik. He had just closed his locker and had started walking without watching in front him, he bumped into someone and excused himself right away, bowing his head low enough so he couldn’t see the other’s face. On the other hand, he did saw the other’s knee coming to his nose, hitting him quite hard. Junhong felt numb by the pain.

He felt himself being grabbed by the back side of his collar and being pulled up so he was facing his assailant who pushed him into the locker behind him. The other looked older, maybe one or two year, his skin was tanned from too much exposure to the sun. It wasn’t hard to understand that the boy had just come back from his holidays and had decided he would have some fun with the new students. Everybody only talked about that Bang Yongguk here, Bang Yongguk there, and him, the Kyubong, passed unseen. ” Watch where you’re heading to ! You loser ! ” he grinned to the tiny blonde boy in his hold that looked like the perfect victim, he had everything for him, he was small, blond, without talking about his curly hair there were like it was asking for his owner to  be punched. Which Kyubong did gladly, he punched him in his stomach, as a goodbye but not really one, more like a  _we will meet again_ punch and he walked off to his own course.

After this incident, which of course Junhong arrived late at his course so now his history teacher hated him because he thought he was some brat kid that needed to be tamed, the boy he learned to be named Kyubong started to bump into him on purpose, push him into the lockers, and it kept getting worse. When he witnessed that, Wonshik tried to help him by standing in between Junhong and his bully, but he only got punched the same way his blonde friend always got, not wanting to lose his friend nor him getting hurt. He asked Wonshik to never interfere again and that he would take care of his bully himself, he had already faced that sort of situation when he was younger, he could do it again and he would do it faster, right ? One thing was sure, Junhong wouldn’t win by the force, so he had to be smarter than Kyubong to get rid of him.

Junhong was in good term with the comrades of his class, the sort of relation anyone could have with any class in which students were all nice. However a good relationship wasn’t enough for them to defend him. They were also scared of the bully and as they were all kind of new to each other, Junhong wasn’t sufficiently someone they felt near to, to risk their own life to protect him.. and after all, who wanted to protect someone who was so different from the common people .. who had  natural blonde curly hair, and if it wasn’t natural it just meant he wanted attention .. which he got. It was only fair, right ?

The tiny blonde boy thought back to what he was used to think of MAMA school and the students and teachers before entering it. He laughed at himself, at how stupid he had been. Everything was so stupid such as those rumors about Bang Yongguk and his band, that they would knock down anyone who would break the rules. If the rumors were true, they should have chased after Kyubong to break his neck, but they did nothing of that. Wasn’t his bully breaking the school’s most important rule ?

_❝_ _to not be disrespectful._ _❞_

Perhaps they didn’t even know about Junhong being bullied. Junhong had to agree with the fact that his bully was way more smart than what he looked like, it was the difference between kids’ prank and a real bully. He always made sure that when there were people around them, he would act all nice to the blondie boy. Some small acts like friendly putting his arm on Junhong’s shoulders when Yongguk and his band walk past them in the corridors. Everything to pass unnoticed in the crowd of all those friendly and wonderful kids that were the pride of MAMA. Junhong was stuck, he was here and couldn’t do anything about it but to endure. He certainly wouldn’t be the first to crack in front all the other people.

It wasn’t like he could ask his parents to change school. It had only been a week since he entered MAMA, a fucking single week ! Seven days ago, he had been begging them to let him enter this school and now he would be begging them to let him quit ? This wouldn’t make any sense and Junhong wondered if his life would suck until he dies…

Kyubong took a malicious pleasure sticking to Junhong so that the latter one couldn’t be with his friend and wouldn’t even have the opportunity to make some more. Wonshik did liked his new friend, but he liked better not to stand too near to his bully or even to be in the same room as him. Often during the lunch at the canteen, Junhong watched Wonshik and Yongguk from afar, daydreaming that one of the two would come and rescue him. As if he was some damsel in distress and his bully sitting next to him was the dragon that was holding him prisoner. But one had been told to not interfere and the other one wasn’t even aware of his existence.

Kyubong was always acting friendly when they were surrounded by others, so they would think that Junhong ignored them and liked staying with Kyubong more. A pretty stupid thing and Junhong doubt other students to be that dumb, but he thought that before he did remember that he was way more mature than other kids same age as him. It’s when he felt the gap between them, he was smarter than them, if only it be could noticeable in his marks it would be good but for now he  no use to be smarter than another. The young boy wondered if his comrades still considered him as their friend, but maybe not. He knew they didn’t when they started to throw paper balls at him in class,  _ass-kisser_  written on it.

Junhong had hard time to believe it but even Wonshik did it. He must had started to believe what they were all saying in his back, but what they didn’t know was that Junhong wasn’t offering his food to Kyubong nor was he lending him his money. The blonde short boy was far from appreciating the company of his bully.

On his last day of the first week, Junhong was walking home, his head down keeping his eyes on his feet as he walked, his mind full of all the things that had happened to him and had only a single wish at the moment. It was for something to happen so he wouldn’t have to go back to school the next Monday. He bumped into men and watching up he saw they were all wearing black suits. One of them grabbed him by his collar and lifted him above the ground, Junhong’s feet weren’t touching the floor anymore. His earlier wish had been quickly granted…

" Watch where you’re heading to ! Kiddo !

– Wait. Watch his uniform. Isn’t it the same as the young master ? ” another man said grabbing the one holding Junhong by his arm to make him release the young boy who thought that indeed, his life had sucked until he died. Because of how scary those men looked he was sure he wouldn’t get out of this shit alive. Fortunately for him, the man holding him let go of him and at this point, Junhong knew he must run as far and as fast as he could … but well thought out. They should be faster than him so he must not.

" Boss ! "

The men turned round to a newcomer walking to them, who looked to be in his fifties, maybe forties. He nodded to his men to greet them before his eyes landed on that short boy who didn’t belonged in the place. “ It’s the same uniform as Daehyun. ” The newcomer said, his look serious before he hit the head of the previous man. “ You should be the one to be careful to whom you’re talking to ! You ! Stupid ! Scatterbrain ! ” and with each insult he slapped the man’s head stronger and stronger.

Junhong’s eyes widened, since he had heard the name of whoever they were talking about, it had recalled him something. He knew that he had already heard that name somewhere. Daehyun. Jung Daehyun. The mafia student in his school .. which meant those men were …

" I’m sorry about my men. Are you alright, kiddo ? " Junhong nodded his head furiously to the newcomer, almost breaking his neck. " You’re from MAMA aren’t you? You may know Jung Daehyun. I heard he’s quite famous in your school. " The short boy nodded again as he had to look up, not able to remove his eyes from the man’s face. He looked really cool in his black suit and Junhong may had been admiring him if he wasn’t scaring the shit out of him. First rumor he had  heard about one of Yongguk’s band was now confirmed and finally the others sounded less impossible compared to this one.

" I’m his father, Jung Dae Jung. " He said stretching his hand out for Junhong to shake it, what he did not wanting to vex the other by making him wait too much. There was no time to think if he should do it or not, it was his survival instincts that were controlling his body right now. After a few shakes Daehyun’s father wouldn’t let go of the boy’s hand, he approached his face to the younger and whispered winking to Junhong, " When someone tells you his name, the custom is to say your own back…

– JUNHONG ! I’M CHOI JUNHONG ! SIR ! ” Of course at the moment the words left his mouth, Junhong wondered if it wasn’t a bad thing to give his real name to the mafia’s boss. Well, it was too late to think about it now.

" Junhong… You should be careful of your surroundings otherwise … " Daehyun’s father watched around as if he didn’t want passerby to hear what he was about to say. The thing was, his group of men in black suit were too scary so people were crossing the road in order not to pass by them, and Junhong would have too if he had watched where he had been heading to. The short blondie wondered what the next of his sentence could be… What could be worse than bumping into some mafia guys ? " … you will walk in some  **dog poop**  ” then he and his men burst in laughing.

Junhong watched around him a bit ill at ease, should he laugh too ? Even if he didn’t find it funny, just to please the other or at least to not anger him. “ See you kiddo ! ” Daehyun’s father slapped Junhong’s back in a friendly way but the young boy’s legs were to weak he almost fell because of it. The mafia boss entered the club they were in front of with his men and Junhong came to his senses. Not loosing any second he rushed to his house, making a memo in his head to never take that road home again.

Sometimes, he felt lucky. But only Sometimes…

To conclude this first week. Junhong had made friends who already hated him, he had run all week to escape the bully which had earned him to be scolded by his teacher who were too blind to notice the poor boy was being bullied. Student and teachers … Junhong wasn’t getting well with neither one of the two. While his history teacher was making him live hell during courses, his bully took care of all the breaks he had so it wouldn’t feel like ones in the end. He had tried to hide from his bully but the other knew the school better than him. All this, only in one week… He must enter the Guinness world record book.

When he reached his home panting and sweating, his mother silently watched him walk to his room with a worried look on her face, but her son didn’t notice it as he didn’t even glance at her or greeted her as he was used to. In one week the bright smile and spirit of her son had slowly disappeared. She first thought he had a broken heart but one night she had slipped into his room, she saw the bruises on her son’s body. Junhong’s mother knew from what it was caused but decided to wait for him to open his heart to her, as he did in the past… She wondered what was going wrong in that place which had seemed perfect for him, maybe it had been a bad idea to send him to this school.


	5. It started

** YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW **

Sometimes it was boring to be always right, I wonder how can Youngjae like the fact to be perpetually in the truth without ever finding it boring, and still keeping bragging about how amazing he is to never be wrong. As I said before,  _those little angels_  had started to make their own rules and they thought we didn’t see them. It wasn’t because they were acting all wise in front us or when we were around that we didn’t know what they were devising in our and in the teachers’ backs.

At the end of the previous school year which was only few weeks ago, I had heard about one who was bullying other youngsters, smaller and weaker boys than him. Because it had been the end of the school year, we had been busy with the preparations of the meeting day and other tasks that needed our full attention, I hadn’t searched to know who he was but now that I was free from my duties, it wouldn’t be long until I find out, thanks to the security cameras I had asked the director to install throughout the school.

Of course I was aware that cameras in a school, even a private one, was forbidden and the director would have problems if people ever found out about it. Fortunately, Daehyun’s father did help us to keep it a secret, if ever someone complained to the police they would simply pretend to listen to them while in secret another one would be calling the mafia to make sure they wouldn’t talk to anyone else about it. That was how this world worked, only the ones with the good cards in hand could win, and that someone was me.

Through the whole week I monitored him, when he skipped classes, when a kid bumped into him and how this poor boy became his whipping boy. I usually never feel concerned about the victims, there were too many I couldn’t worry for each and one, I did only care for my friends and they weren’t really the type of people who needed to be looked after. At least, not in that kind of way. Every year, the director gave me a copy of the students’ files so I just had to search his in the mound of folders I had, a job I did let with pleasure to others.

" And our winner is …. Ahn Kyu Bong ! " Youngjae raised the boy’s folder in the air, holding it with his two hands as a prize he had won. Himchan tried to catch the folder but Daehyun grabbed Youngjae before he could and started running around in the basement. They were cheering loudly, Daehyun holding Youngjae as if he just shot  **the**  world cup’s goal. Finally Jongup decided to interfere and made the two trip, which resulted in the folder opening and all the sheets inside being spread on the floor. A silence followed the tumult as they were all watching me waiting for my reaction.

" Out. " A simple word and I was alone in the room, I sighed standing from my chair and gathering the mess they just did, with the hope that one day they would simply act noiselessly once in their life. I knew as their Hyung I had to be an example for them but that was asking too much for me. I had never asked to be whoever’s Hyung, that’s how I did support them somehow.. sometimes …

That day I spent it at the school basement thinking about a plan how to take care of our first duty of the year. The school basement was a restricted area for the entire students and even for the teachers, because I didn’t want anyone to disturb me. I had already enough to do with my own band, it wasn’t for more to come annoy me in the only place I could relax in. The basement of the school was my little paradise, even at my own apartment I didn’t feel better as in there. Here, I was away from all the workers in the building I lived in, it was an heavenly islet away from the giggling girls and ass-kissers that were filling the school.

Now I was ready for my mission. It wasn’t me who did choose to do that, of course it was because I was taking care of the difficult cases that the director allowed me to have everything I wanted, but I would have get it even without doing what he had asked me to do. I was really too nice …

_" There’s something I wanted to ask you to do for me._ _“_

In exchange I made him promise me a lot of things, amongst which, he couldn’t expel me or my friends, and this regardless of whatever we would do. He needed us so of course he accepted each and one of my conditions without any contest. That’s how I got my basement, the cameras in school and all the advantages other students envied us. They knew the director was ready to plead any desire of mine, but what they didn’t know was why. They made some rumors about us, like the director being too scared of me to contest me. Stupid rumors. Maybe, not that stupid as I suspected him to be afraid of me, even if only a little. I felt glad students were stupid and not brave enough to dig further, they would discover that I was acting under the command of the director himself and that would tarnish my bad boy reputation. They were scared of me without me doing anything and that’s all I needed, having to scare each one of them would be so bothering. Too much work to do wasn’t good for health.

Once I was finally done with my plan, I called my band back to come over the basement. I had to explain to them our next challenge which was always kind of the same, to get rid of the bullies and whoever thought they could rule the school at our place. I do have few friends only and I contented myself with those few. I didn’t need more. I knew those four guys for many years now, even before they entered MAMA and since the time we were together I knew they were loyal to me, even if sometimes … They could make me believe the contrary, for example when they would do things as they pleased and against what I would have told them. At the exception that if I  **ordered**  them  **not**  to do something. They wouldn’t.

Our common history was quite messed up, but somehow we all ended in the same school. I wasn’t the one who asked them to enroll in MAMA, neither they were the ones asking to end in the same school as me, the fate did all the work. We were meant to be and stay together and this is how we ended here. Keeping ourselves busy from boredom by beating the shit out of others. It was far from everything, the most entertaining thing to do at school.


	6. Let them play

** HIMCHAN POINT OF VIEW **

When he asked us to gather again in the basement, we all knew what the matter was about. I could understand he had hard time to concentrate when Daehyun and Youngjae were around, but with me ? Why had he wanted me too to leave the basement ? I could have helped him to take a decision, but as always he wanted to take all the responsibilities. If ever we did something wrong, he wanted to be the one to be punished. That didn’t meant that we got away with it easily and sometimes I believe it was better for us to get caught by the cops rather than staying with him when he was upset.

Every year it was the same old song, freshmen thinking they were the strongest and wanted to show it to everybody. Yet, it was strange that they didn’t tell it to us, face to face. We knew it was because they were scared of us but wasn’t it strange ? When you want to control a place you take the control of the chief already in place, but after all there weren’t that much to dig into their thoughts. They were just kids who acted before thinking. We were just the contrary of them, we made sure everybody in the school did hear the rumors about us, so after hearing it, some calmed down, and others thought it was just some rumors. How wrong they were. It was better to believe in those rumors, instead of learning the hard way that it was worst than what they had heard.

" So what’s the plan ? " Entering the basement I asked the question everyone had in their mind, while Jongup and Youngjae walked to sit calmly on the sofa, Daehyun made his usual way to the fridge, I went to Yongguk and span his chair so he was watching us instead of turning his back to us.

" The plan is … " Yongguk started but let his voice trailing before actually stopping, he watched each one of us. He was probably thinking that it was funny to make us wait again a little longer. Hadn’t the first week of school been enough for him already ? That whore.

" Cut your fucking suspense Bang ! You’re not in a thriller movie !!

– Calm down Channie.. it’s cool.

– No ! it . is . not . cool !

– If you don’t calm down right now, I won’t say it and you will have to wait one more week. ” What a kid, seriously ! I glared to him but didn’t add anything and turned my back to him to go sit next Jongup on the sofa. Once I was sitting down, I watched him, trying to hurt him by any way I could with only my eyes. Who knows ? If I kept trying maybe I would at least manage to cut his skin this way. “ Good … So the plan is to wait. ” It hadn’t been five seconds I had calmed down -only a little bit - but I couldn’t contain myself this time and I let my rage explode standing up.

" What ?!? You always come up with stupid ideas, but this one is really fucked up, Bang ! " I burst to him spitting out a bit of saliva, Jongup, Daehyun and Youngjae followed me and soon we were all surrounding him. This time you’re one against four, Bang ! You won’t get out this situation that easily as you always do.

" But hyuuuung … I’m bored ! I want to start having some fun now !

– You can’t do this to us !!

– Where is the fun in doing nothing ?

– It’s the same thing every year. I want to try something new … ” Yongguk simply answered turning back to his screens as he searched our said target on it. We watched him and no one contested. Finally … looks like he could do whatever he wanted, but this time we wouldn’t drop it that easily. We had to fight a bit at least, to show that we weren’t simply his stupid followers. Some of us -Daehyun- may be but I wasn’t part of that category. Youngjae was the first to attack.

" What can be new in beating a little shit ?

" Let me think … you can beat them or … " What did I just said about Daehyun being a stupid follower ? Indeed, he was one and he always followed Youngjae in whatever shit he was up to. Our smartass may be .. intelligent sometimes, he also knew well how to play a moron and he loved how Daehyun always took part of his little games.

" … yeah, you have many other possibilities … you can also … beat them.

– … or beat them …

– … and the last but not least …

– … beat them. ” They ended saying it together in harmony laughing and I rolled my eyes while Jongup went back sitting on the sofa. The two idiots were still laughing when they got chased by an angry Yongguk who had finally broke his shell. I went to join my Jonguppie on the sofa waiting for the three others to be done with their business. I passed a hand in Jongup’s hair, brushing it, not interested in the slightest in their childish chasing game.

" What do you want to try ? " I asked calmly once Yongguk looked like he was getting tired of running around the room, Daehyun and Youngjae always slipping away through his fingers. For my part, I did succeed in calming myself too, thanks to Jongup snuggling against me. That kid was so cute and he worshiped me so much, I could only love it. Me, the great Kim Him Chan, in actual fact wasn’t the type to lose control. I had been raised well, to be humble and stay placid -almost unmoved - in every situation.

Yongguk stopped chasing after the two fools and turned his smirk to me, I did manage to get his mind off the two right at the moment he got his hands on them. I just fucking saved their fucking ass. Yet, the smirk Yongguk was wearing didn’t augure anything well. He stayed quiet and sat back on his leader’s chair -which was that kind of expensive ergonomic chair used for people that spent their days behind their desks-, he crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes as if he was thinking about what I just asked him. As if … no one believed that !

I sighed -loudly, to make him understand he was annoying me- because he didn’t give us -me- an explanation. Okay, he didn’t want to tell Daehyun, Youngjae and Jongup about his plan. But me ?! I knew him too well to know that if he didn’t speak now, he wouldn’t later either. That stubborn kid.

" Never do you think about this poor boy being beaten every day ? " I asked. I had to do something, if I couldn’t make him talk by ordering him around, I had to be subtle. A silence followed my question and I just felt like beating each one of them for watching me as if I was some freak. But, I was the wise Himchan-hyung, the one who remained calm in every situation.

" No. " Even thought he wasn’t the one I asked the question to, Daehyun was the first to answer. He was followed by Youngjae and Jongup before Yongguk actually minded to answer me.

" No.

– No.

– Well, I saw him the whole week when I monitored the brat kid so … of course I had thought about him. ” Yongguk said shamelessly without hesitation like it was the most natural thing to do and I wondered if someone ever taught him manners. Or at least, how to be a human ? I sighed again, they would sure make me age faster if they kept acting this way.

" What I mean by **thinking**  is to  **care**  about him !

– No.

– No.

– No.

– Why would we ?

– Don’t you feel anything ? It’s his first week at school and he’s suffering this much already !!

– N..

– I UNDERSTOOD !!!!! YOU THREE ! SAY “NO” ONE TIME AGAIN AND I’LL CUT YOUR TONGUES !! ” I burst out, feeling myself getting hot from anger, my face must be red at the moment. God, this must be awful to see. But at least, they got me and all watched away minding their own business now. I was wise and nice but they knew they better not titillate me once I was worked up .. well thought about it, no one better push their luck too far with each one of us when we got in that kind of state. I brought my attention back to our silly leader and glared at him, now it was him and me !

" What I am feeling over this ?

– Yes.

– Well … like last year and the year before … I’m happy they’re starting this soon … ? ” He answered raising an eyebrow at me as asking if his answer was correct. This wasn’t a game, there were no good or bad answer like in those TV shows where you could win a million when you answered right.

" You’re hopeless … " I mumbled making my way to the exit. I had enough for today and I needed some fresh air, right now !

" Channie … don’t forget what I said …

– Yeah !! I know !! ” I grabbed the handle of the door opening it quickly but I glared one time again to Yongguk when I heard what he said next. How could he ?

" Don’t try to play superhero or knight in shining armor …

– He’s right Hyung, you have enough fan girls and fan boys, you don’t need to add one more … ” Jongup commented smiling his usual stupid smile at me. That kid … seriously … one day I shall teach him to recognize when people were talking about him and not me. I was about to tell him that Yongguk had just referred at how  **he**  used to be but I got overtaken by the loud voice of the director in the school loudspeaker.

_❝ Mister Bang Yongguk is required to the director’s office.❞_


	7. Full of anger

** JONGUP POINT OF VIEW **

_❝_ _Mister Bang Yongguk is required to the director’s office._ _❞_

We all watched Yongguk-hyung, pitying him. The smirk he had been wearing, disappeared instantly into a growl as soon as he had heard his name being called. So now he had to move to the director’s office and meeting with the director was never a fun party. That old ass was so bothering, only talking about school, never he did had a word or thought for anything else. He never laughed either so you would lose less time hoping for chicken to grow teeth than waiting for him to tell a joke to lighten the atmosphere.

" What does the ancient wants again … " Yongguk-hyung grumbled the whole way to the director’s office complaining about how the director ruined the mood all the time, and as always when Hyung entered his office we waited outside in the corridor, on the bench we had asked to be installed for us. It was tiring to wait there standing whenever we waited for Yongguk-hyung to come out, because sometimes he didn’t want us to come in with him. We didn’t even wonder why, the director was just old and he needed to pass the baton to the next generation. A new director wouldn’t be a bad thing.

When Hyung was about to clench the door it opened by itself and a beautiful woman came out. We were all watching her amazed, I never saw a woman like her and by the look my hyungs had at the moment I guessed they didn’t neither. I noticed the way they were watching her was slightly different from mine - not that I could see myself - but they had lust in their eyes and they looked like enraged dogs in heat. Seriously, they were hopeless …

Except from Yongguk-hyung who, surprisingly, didn’t have this look. That was weird … Usually, he was the first to jump on women and even I did find this one beautiful, so it was weird he didn’t. He looked surprised when he saw her, perhaps she was a previous fuck of his and he hadn’t expected her to have a son old enough to come here … or maybe she didn’t have son -she looked quite young for that- so maybe she was one of the director’s fuck. It would remain an insolvable mystery, the reason why Yongguk-hyung always fucked women the director did fucked already. Silly for sure, but that was a habit of his and no one knew why … Yet, that would be one explanation, he looked surprised because he had never saw that woman before and hadn’t fucked her yet. My hyungs always told me not to mind about something that wasn’t my business, but I couldn’t help to keep wondering.

" I think Hyung has some sort of relationship with the director " I said blankly as I watched the woman walking away in the corridor and exiting the door after Yongguk-hyung had burst into the director’s office, slamming the door behind him, making us well understand that he didn’t want us to enter. My hyungs looked surprised at me and Daehyun-hyung patted my head.

" Our Jonguppie is getting smart " he chuckled and standing up I slapped his hand away from me.

" Where are you going ? " Himchan-hyung whimpered as he couldn’t rest his head on my shoulder anymore.

" … " I said shooting him a glare and left them there.

My hyungs always treated me as some fool, most of the time I didn’t care but it did get on my nerves sometimes. I wasn’t as patient as Himchan-hyung and they were lucky they were under Yongguk-hyung’s protection, if not I would have already knocked them down at many occasions. Daehyun-hyung, Youngjae-hyung, and even Himchan-hyung were all keeping something from me, or at least they kept acting as if they knew something important that I ignored and I didn’t like it.

Daehyun-hyung and Youngjae-hyung were always mocking everybody - even Yongguk-hyung - so I shouldn’t feel upset about what concerned them as it was more a way of living they had. But because they were like this, all the time, it was really annoying. And this stupid school rule that they did not hesitate to break and fool about everyone. They could … Youngjae-hyung was under Daehyun-hyung’s protection, that’s why no one ever said anything back to him ; and Daehyun-hyung had his well known family behind him to protect him. Unlike most of people, I wasn’t afraid of the mafia, I knew Yongguk-hyung and Himchan-hyung weren’t neither. We did support their foolish attitude only because … I don’t even know why we did bear with it ! Guess it was what Yongguk-hyung called  _friendship_ , but I had some doubts.

I finally reached the restroom, I could hear sounds coming from it. The more I got nearer to my destination, the more I could recognize the sounds as whimpers and thuds coming from the other side of the door. Slowly, I clenched the door handle and entered, peeking my head first to see who it was. There they were. The bully and the bullied. As soon as my eyes landed on the boy who was our first target, I was thinking fast about how to screw him up until I remembered Yongguk-hyung’s warning. They froze seeing me when I entered and I closed the door behind me never turning my back to them.

The bullied’s face reminded me of someone but I couldn’t say who nor where I already saw him, I shrugged it off as I may had saw him on the screens or walked by him in the corridors, nothing more. I looked at his plaque : Choi Jun Hong. Choi ? … Nope, nothing.

Watching the young short blonde boy leaning on the ground, his tears running down his face, my fists clenched automatically. How could someone hit such a cutie face? It was the first time I had this feeling toward a victim, under normal circumstances, I barely even noticed them, but this time. I wanted -in some ways- to protect him and beating his bully could have helped me release my anger from my Hyung’s mocking. But I couldn’t, with what Yongguk-hyung had told us moments ago, and especially to Himchan-hyung :

_❝_ _Don’t try to play superhero or knight in shining armor…_ _❞_

I put my fists deep in my sweater’s pockets, frowning slightly but highly disappointed in myself. Why did I have to remember that now ? I could have said that I had forgot.” Don’t mind me ” I mumbled as I leaned my back against the door. I couldn’t punch one because he was too cute, nor the other because my Hyung had said so. Maybe watching one beating the other would help me release all my anger ; as when craving for sex but being all alone so the only solution is to watch some porn. It must do the same effects … at least I hoped it would. Even after I said that, they didn’t move.

" What are you waiting for ? Go on ! " I said blankly looking in the bully’s eyes moving my hand in a way to encourage him to continue what he was doing. He smirked to me and went back to his business. He kicked the cutie’s stomach repeatedly, never letting his victim to catch his breath, insulting him with many words and telling him things I didn’t even bother to listen, too focused on the cutie’s tears that were rolling down his reddened cheeks. Something that didn’t help was that during all this time, the small boy was looking at me, his eyes plunged in mine, pleading me to help him. As if he knew that it was itching me to interfere.

Shit.

Moral of this story ? Watching the bully beating the cute boy didn’t help release my anger. NOT AT ALL !


	8. Beaten

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

_❝_ _Mister Bang Yongguk is required to the director’s office._ _❞_

Hearing the announcement I watched in every sense searching from where the sound was coming out before I spotted the loudspeaker in the right corner of the restroom’s ceiling. It had been easy to see it as I was lying on the floor, so I didn’t even have to raise my eyes to see it. I wondered what Yongguk-sunbaenim had done for him to be called to the director’s office. It must been something pretty bad, not that much students were called to the director’s office.  Not at all even. Because not that much students dared to misbehave, whereas Yongguk-sunbaenim didn’t seem to be afraid that he could be expelled… Even if I didn’t know the reason, I was glad I wasn’t it.

Kyubong had trapped me in the restroom, again. He had asked (or should I say : ordered) me to do his homework, on which I had made quite -a few- dumb mistakes on purpose. Others had made fun of him calling him a moron until he beat each one of them. Then he came to me and trapped me here while all students and teachers were in class so no one could hear my screaming. The first days he had beaten me, I had screamed full lungs but I noticed he would beat me harder if I did, so I became more quiet, until whimpers were the only sound passing through my lips and only tears running down my face. He didn’t hold back his hits and it hurt as if I had cracked ribs… Maybe I had.

He was really furious this time and if I wasn’t that hurt I would gladly chuckle to my brilliant idea in turning him into the retard of his class. It started to hurt as hell (more than previously) so I even had hard time whimpering. I was too  _busy_ bearing the pain I barely noticed it when someone entered the restroom. What made it easy was that I was facing the door -while Kyubong had his back turned toward it- so I was the first to see him entering … Yongguk-sunbaenim’s friend … Jongup-sunbaenim.

When he finally turned round Kyubong froze and so did I. I felt pathetic lying on the floor being beaten like a weak boy, no one liked boys who weren’t strong and I hated that he was seeing me in this state. I wanted to give Yongguk-sunbaebim and his band a good impression. What if he talks about me being beaten to Yongguk-sunbaenim ?

I remembered the way he had smiled to me at my first day of school, and I hoped he would help me. He seemed really nice to everybody. Always smiling. Always … with the exception that right now he wasn’t, nor did he have a shocked face, nor a disgusted one … nothing. It was impossible to know what he was thinking.

" Don’t mind about me. " WHAT ? I watched him shocked as he leaned against the door, hands in his pocket, acting like what he was witnessing was  an insignificant matter. " What are you waiting for ? Go on " Will he just stay like this and watch me being beaten ? Who on earth could do something like this ?

Kyubong smirked to him, and kicked me in my stomach restlessly. Jongup-sunbaenim stayed still. Expressionless. Just…watching. Probably enjoying the tears running down my face. Soon I couldn’t see anything and everything around me was blurred.

The beating ceased and Kyubong said something I didn’t even care to try to understand. It must have been something like “ Don’t try to trick me ever again. ” I chuckled inwardly as I imagined it must had been something like that. Then I think he left, I had my eyes closed so I couldn’t verify my guessing or if he was admiring his art work he did on me. I closed my eyes tighter as if it would help me to bear it better while I waited for the pain to calm down a bit.

How long did I spend leaning here ? I didn’t know and I stayed on the floor, my breathing being the only sound hearable in the restroom or at least the only sound hearable to my own ears. I thought I was left alone -as always- but then I heard a ringtone and I opened my eyes widely. He was still here. Watching me.

He answered his phone, his eyes locked on me.

_" In the restroom, first floor._ _”_

I wondered if he was talking to Yongguk-sunbaenim. Will he ask him to come over ? Even if not, I needed to stand up anyway. Whimpering as I did my best to stand up, I clung onto the sink helping myself with just my arms which were hurting me just as much as any other part of my body. I tried to act as if he wasn’t there, but hearing him talking calmly was just so upsetting.

_“_ _In your opinion, what do you think I’m doing in the restroom ?_ _”_

Watching the mirror facing me, my eyes were plunged into that weak boy’s ones, mine. I sighed, and even cringed as I wiped the blood running from my nose and my mouth. Except from my reddened nose and eyes, and the tears on my face, no one could tell I had been beaten, hard. Just washing my face made me back to normal … like nothing had happened.

Kyubong knew well how to hit me so it wouldn’t let any apparent bruises. In the mirror I could see Jongup-sunbaenim’s reflection, he was still leaning against the door, his phone pressed against his ear as his other hand was in his pocket. He was watching me silently while -I guess- whoever was on the other end of the line, was talking to him.

_“_ _I’m coming._ _”_

He said and turned off his phone putting it back in his free pocket. He glanced one last time at my direction before he exited the restroom without addressing a single word to me.

In a way, I was relieved because it meant Yongguk-sunbaenim wasn’t coming here. Of course, he wasn’t even aware of my existence and wouldn’t care if he knew. He never saw me when I passed by him in the corridors … each time I dreamed he would lower his gaze to me and that it would be love at first sight as it had been for me. But it was only a dream. A teenager’s one, not even … a kid’s one. I wanted it so badly. But he never saw me, I wasn’t the type who could catch others’ attention -well, because of my hair it wasn’t really the kind of attention I wanted-, and yet I tried to act as if he would one day. I stood ready every time, every minute, every second, in case he would. Because -even if I was fully aware it would never happen- I didn’t want him to see me in that state.


	9. The director

** YONGGUK OF VIEW **

I saw this woman exiting the director’s office and anger boiled up inside of me. I knew I had come here for a certain purpose, but I couldn’t remember what exactly, it was no longer important. I burst into his office.

" What did she want ?

—  Ah, Yongguk. Sit. I wanted to talk with you.

—  What. Did. She. Want ? ” I repeated my question without caring about what he wanted to talk about, that could wait but what I wanted to know couldn’t.

" That is none of your business Yongguk.

—  It is. ” I said letting myself fall sitting lazily on the sofa not wanting to sit in front his desk like any other student.

This silly and simple seat was a thing I hated. Someone would just ask you to sit on a plastic seat, when they were sitting on a luxurious chair, behind a desk as big as the fat between them and the furniture. With just this, they wanted to make you understand well the place you belong to, that you weren’t to their level to contest anything they would tell you. The dominant chair and desk thing.

He sighed as he knew perfectly what was in my mind. I had already explained him to never try to play this trick with me, to never treat me like all his stupid students. Only choice left to him was to follow my lead, he came sit on the other sofa facing the one I was sitting on.

" So… did you screw her here… " I grinned tapping on the cushion next to me. He glared at me but I didn’t care, I wasn’t frightened by him, so he could keep trying to scare the shit out of me, it never affected me. I had him and his school’s fate in the palm of my hand, it was simply a game which I was the ruler of it. " Or … on your desk … ?

— Yongguk.

—  She must be a screamer …

—  Stop it.

—  Thanks god your office is soundproof…

—  I said : Stop it already Yongguk ! Now ! ”

This time it was my turn to glare at him and contrary to him, he squirmed uneasily on his couch. I stayed silent so he must thought I had agreed for him to talk about his problem, but he wouldn’t get out of this that easily. “ I wanted to talk with you about the annual bullying … ” he used his honeyed voice but I never gave in and would never do. I remained silent, not any sign of reaction showing on my face. His cooing never had an effect on me. “ You know it had started. You must know or otherwise what’s the use of all the cameras you asked me to install through out the whole school ?

—  I know about the bullying.

—  Why didn’t you stop it already if you knew it started ? ” I remained silent again, yet I was still watching him in his eyes. So he knew I had heard him, that I was listening to him. Like this I, on the other side, was sure that he understood I had ‘chose’ not to answer. “ You know you don’t need my approval to stop it. You can do anything you want. You just need to stop it. ” He explained to me as if it was the first time I had to do that. I was the best at doing what I was doing, which was remaining silent and I knew it always drove the others crazy. Himchan being the easiest and funniest prey to annoy.

" Yongguk if you don’t do anything I will take back the authority and all the powers I lend you. " He changed his tactic and tried to be the frightening director again. His glares didn’t have any effect on me so what was he thinking ? That hearing him raising his voice would get me shrinking on the sofa ? That was the annoying thing with him, he had never doubt about what he did.

" If you take it back I would still do what I want . That’s why you won’t.  Fewer problems letting me have what I want.

—  Please Yongguk, I need you to stop it… ” And now the he was the pleading director but he only got the silent treatment from me. ” What do you want ? ” This was his side I liked the most, him giving up to me.

" For you to answer my question. "

He sighed but gave in. He always gave in to me but still I don’t know why each time he tried not to. “ She came here because her son is being beaten. She asked me to take care of him. 

—  So … what had she done for you to accept her kid here ?

—  Nothing.

—  You know as much as I do that she can’t afford it.

—  I know.

—  How much did you lower the price for her ? What price does she cost ?

—  … This is enough. You’ll stop the bullying, that’s all I needed to say. Now, out. ”

I stood up and made my way to the exit, I grabbed the handle but before I opened the door I warned him, “ If she ever comes here again. I promise you I’ll make her suffer. ” I slammed the door behind me.

When I was out the others weren’t there. Usually they would leave after waiting ten minutes outside. They’re weren’t really the patient type of people and liked to always be doing something. I hadn’t realized I had spent that much time with the director, all this because he always tried to play the tough guy with me. I supposed my band went back to the basement, so I made my way over there.

Once I reached the basement they were all there, all, except for one absent. It made me curious as he was rarely the one to be missing. “ Where is Jongup ?

–  He had enough to wait…

– …so he went off to beat some guy. ” Daehyun finished Youngjae’s sentence, they didn’t even bothered themselves to look at me when talking. I turned to Himchan to have a clearer explanation about what happened when I hadn’t been there.

" He had been upset by theses two and left for a walk. " He explained to me and for a strange reason, it didn’t surprised me.

" I told you two to let this poor boy alone. Someday he will explode again and I won’t stop him that time. " I averted the two fools who … weren’t listening to me. I called Jongup on his phone.

_" Where are you?_

_— In the restroom first floor. ”_

I heard whimpers in the background and they weren’t coming from Jongup, which meant he wasn’t the one to cause whoever was there to whine. It could have sounded sexy or anything eighteen rated, but that would not be knowing Jongup.

_" What are you doing over there ?_

_— What do you think I’m doing in the restroom ? “_

I sighed, that boy was way too pure and really simple minded. I had to confess that sometimes I had some doubts if it was only a play from him. Like playing dumb all the time to not get involved in annoying things.

_" Well, finish your business whatever it is and join us at the basement. There’s a change in our plan…_

_— I’m coming.”_

I turned to the two fools who where spying girls’ changing room on the monitor. Frowning I watched them wondering if it had been a good idea to install cameras there…

" Well, you two will be fine this time, I think he released his frustration screwing up some guy in the restroom.

—  I know… ” was the only thing Youngjae answered me.


	10. Help me

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

I got back home later than usual because of my hurt body, when I finally passed the main entrance I could hear my mother talking alone from the kitchen. I knew she was because my father’s car wasn’t in front the house. I entered the kitchen and saw she was on the phone, her back facing me and I took a step into the room closer to her, trying to listen who was on the other side of the phone.

" Don’t tell me what I have to do ! " She hang up upset and yet she sounded more scared than angry.

" Mum ? " I asked carefully approaching her from behind, I put my hand on her shoulder to cheer her up but I felt her body stiffened, she turned suddenly to me with a frightened look on her face. She tried to smile but it couldn’t hide the fear in her eyes.

" Oh, you’re home darling. " She looked away as soon as her eyes came in contact with mine, she was literally avoiding my eyes and she moved her shoulder slightly away from my hand.

" Who was it ? " I glanced at the phone in her hand that she hid behind her back, afraid I would discover who was the one frightening her only by looking at it. Which was weird as it was the home phone so … there were no screen with the number on. I looked back at her weirdly, trying to understand what was going on.

" No one, come on baby, you must be hungry. I’ll prepare you something to eat. " She turned her back to me again, hastening herself to put back the phone at the place it belonged. She took out everything she needed to prepare diner, taking the ingredients out of the fridge to cook it together. I stayed silent and slowly sat at the table my eyes not leaving her back, afriad something would happen to her if I did. With her long blonde hair falling like a cascade on her shoulders. My mother was a really beautiful woman, I wondered if some guys were harassing her. She was this pretty that she must had men wanting her in a way I didn’t really want to think about. But I wasn’t stupid, I knew it existed because I saw a lot of them in the movies we always watched together. I wished I was strong so I could protect her but I wasn’t strong enough to defend myself in the first place. So to protect the people I cared about…

We ate together, only the two of us, my father was over working every day to afford sending me to school while keeping a normal life like having a house and food everyday. They were suffering because of me. That was the reason as to why I couldn’t tell them about the bullying. I didn’t want them to regret sending me to this school. After all it was my decision to go to MAMA, so I needed to endure it. The diner was spent in silence, a weird one. I wanted to talk, to ask her questions about the earlier call, but she was silently asking me not to say anything about it, of course, also not to talk about it to my father. Once we were done and that I helped her to wash the dishes, I always had a bit of time to watch tv, so we sat together in the living, almost lying on the sofa.

" Junhong-ah,

– mm ? ” I removed my eyes from the screen to look at my mother.

" I know something is wrong at school…

– no-…

– Junhong-ah, I know you… its okay if you can’t say it to me, but don’t hesitate to go see the director if you need help. You know he is a good friend of mine, don’t you? ” She talked softly removing a curly lock from my face to put it behind my ear as she caressed my hair smiling to me. So she did knew about me being bullied again…

" Yeah, I know … if not I wouldn’t be able to go to this school… " I said bitterly watching back the TV as the main hero just caught back his lover.

" I know how much you love this school, I don’t want you to regret going over there… " She sounded hurt and I didn’t need to look at her to know she really was. But there weren’t many things I could do against it. To regret it ? It was too late for that. We went silent and then came the kiss scene…

" What happened to that girl you liked ? " She asked suddenly watching me once again, completely forgetting about the drama we were watching.

" Hum… I see her in the canteen, and sometime I pass by her in the corridors… " I said uneasily, blushing a bit and I forced myself to stay concentrated on the drama’s history but it became harder as I imagined the hero to be Yongguk-sunbaenim and his lover to be… me. I squirmed a bit, I hadn’t told my mother that the girl I liked was actually a guy, and I would never now that I knew she was aware about me being bullied again. What would she think about her only son to be gay ? A bullied and a gay ?

For my part, it didn’t bother me that I was -gay of course- as I had never really questioned myself about my sexuality. My first sight love was Yongguk-sunbaenim and that was all that mattered to me. I had never been interested into love matters before entering MAMA and since I was there I only had eyes for him.

" What do you two talk about together ?

– …

– Did you at least already talk to her once ?

– I can’t …

– Why that ?

– I-I … I just can’t approach hi..her… I … I’m scared …

– You’re scared of a girl ? ” She laughed and I looked away for her not see my face turning into the color of tomato, but not seeing her didn’t prevent me to hear her chuckling.

" I understand. It’s okay to take your time. "

She seemed to over think about me. It wasn’t a question of time… Just … I wasn’t part of Yongguk-sunbaenim’s world and never would. Regardless of any effort I could do, so I decided to do nothing. Just seeing him from afar was enough for me and only that made my day brighter. Each time I would meet his path in the corridors it made me feel like it was worth staying here and suffering the bullying so I could deserve to see him.

" I’m going to sleep. " I kissed her cheek once the drama was over and went to my room upstairs while she stayed there to watch the next movie, but mostly to wait my father coming back.

" Good night sweetie and don’t forget your prayer.

– Yes mum, good night. ”

Half way up the stairs, she called me again and added : “ Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it Junhong-ah-sweetie. “

I nodded and when I closed my room’s door behind me I leaned against it thinking back about the day I just lived, and more precisely about the restroom’s incident earlier with Jongup-sunbaenim … Would he had helped me if I had asked him to ?


	11. Beat them or beat them

** THIRD POINT OF VIEW **

**FLASHBACK**

_" What can be new in beating little shit ? " Our smartass asked._

_" Let me think … you can beat them or … " Daehyun always followed Youngjae in whatever shit he was into._

_" … yeah, you have many other possibilities … you can also … beat them " and Youngjae loved it._

_" … or beat them … " Daehyun._

_" … and the last but not least …_ _" Youngjae_

_" … beat them._ _" Daehyun._

**END FLASHBACK**

" FUCK YOU !! WE DON’T NEED YOUR FUCKING FLASHBACK !! " Yongguk chased -again- after the two fools. It happened like a scene of Déjà vu …

" So I resume : you want us to beat this one boy only, the one bullying other students, without us getting caught. So … no one will know it was us who took care of him. Then … no one would suspect us. " Himchan summarized for himself out loud.

Yongguk had stopped chasing after Daehyun and Youngjae, knelled down on his knees, crossed his arms over his chest and nodded.

" They’ll start to think we’re not that bad, and won’t fear us. " Jongup who was sitting and cuddling with Himchan added.

" The bullying will re-start. " Daehyun said letting himself fall on Youngjae’s shoulders, joy in his voice.

" And then there will be more people to beat up. " Youngjae concluded.

Yongguk nodded at each sentence he got.

A silence followed.

" You’re really- " Himchan started but Youngjae cut him off.

" Let’s add more fun to this !

– DO NOT CUT ME OFF ! RESPECT YOUR OL- ” Himchan yelled at Youngjae.

" The first who’ll find this guy- " Daehyun pointed to the picture of Kyubong in the student folder on the desk " -will do whatever he wants with him. "

It was too much for the wise Himchan. He grabbed Daehyun and Youngjae’s heads to knock them against each other.

" Don’t come crying if you’re not the first to find him. " Himchan said as the two were wiping their pain tears.

" … Jongup is already gone … " Yongguk noticed not minding even the slightest about the quarrel that just happened.

Another silence followed Yongguk’s words.

" Did he just run off to get him first ? " Daehyun wondered.

" All kids are gone now… he won’t find anyone… " Youngjae replied grabbing his best friend by his hand to lead him outside. The two left back to their home while Yongguk was still sitting on the floor.

" You’re coming ? " Himchan asked turning to his own best friend when he had reached the door frame.

" Go first, I have something left to do… "

Himchan shrugged and once he left Yongguk took his phone out from his pocket and dialed a number.

** YOUNGJAE POINT OF VIEW **

We were running in the school corridors while all the kids were in class. I had made my little research about the bully and apparently, there was that one kid he’d like to make suffer. He often went out of his first course, asking if he could go to the nurse. Then he went to his victim’s course and told the poor boy’s teacher that he was requested somewhere.

After this, he always took him to the restroom to take back the homework he asked the younger to do, rob his money, beat him, well… routine.

So boring.

While I ran, I could see Daehyun’s back who was ahead of me.

Shit.

I knew I should not drink with him when we are on a bet. He always enjoys me being drunk to steal my plans…

" YEEEEAAAAHHHHH " Daehyun screamed bursting first in the restroom.

" Shut your mouth ! Someone will hear you ! " I warned him closing the door behind me.

Seeing the scene happening right at the moment in the restroom, I couldn’t help but feel proud of myself, even if it wasn’t really something to rejoice about. What pleased me was that I was always right. Always. As I predicted, the two were here, and I believed we did make it on time. The bullied -who was pinned to the wall by his bully- had a cutie face. I think the latter one was about to hit his victim as he had his fist rose in the air about to lower it on the younger’s face when we entered the place.

" You’re here for the show ? " the bully asked us smirking.

How dared he smirk at us ?! That little shit !

I saw the twinkle in Daehyun’s eyes and I rolled my eyes at how obvious he was. It was easy to see that what the other just said had excited him, and that it had gave him one of his crazy ideas…

" The show ? " He asked interested taking a step closer to the two.

" Yesterday your friend came and just watched… "

So that was what Jongup was really doing. We chuckled together thinking about it. It must had been really funny to watch, not the bully beating up the sweetie, but Jongup being in an inward conflict with himself, in one hand he must had wanted to beat the shit out of this asshole, but on the other hand Yongguk-hyung had just told him minutes ago to not touch him, what a headlock. Only to hear when he was back that after all he could have beaten him, poor Jonguppie.

" Ah… yes, yes! He told us about you, so … we wanted to enjoy too … " Daehyun answered smiling brightly and I glared at him, mentally cursing him. He was really- The bully started to hit the cutie and with each hit he got, I suffered mentally along with the young boy. I didn’t know how Jongup and Daehyun could handle watching innocent people suffering but I clearly couldn’t. It made me think that I was the most -what we can call- normal person in the band. 

The boy watched me in the eyes and I tried to remember his name… I had read it in his folder earlier … it was … Jun Hong… He must had saw that I was the more willing to help him as he was pleading me with his eyes. After all, I was the only one in that room who could stop that crazy shit.

" If you don’t do anything right now to stop that, I’ll rob your toy away from you ! " I mouthed to Daehyun tugging on his sleeve. 

" Fun sucker… " he mouthed back to me not even watching me as he kept his eyes on the two others in the room.

Daehyun dragged his lazy ass to the bully, placed his arm over his shoulders making him stop hitting the boy. A sigh of relief left my mouth even if the bully was still pinning the younger to the wall.

" Eh ! You’re funny !  But he-" Daehyun pointed to Junhong, "-isn’t any fun… come with me, I’ll show you something much more fun ! " He said cheerfully starting to drag his new toy outside, making him release the bullied boy who fall on the ground, his back pressed against the wall behind him. I watched Daehyun leaving the restroom with the boy and turned back to the beaten up boy on the ground, I came closer to him. He squirmed a bit when I crouched down in front him, he started to shake in fear when I reached my hand to wipe the blood coming out from the corner of his mouth.

" I won’t hurt you. " I said softly and he let me wipe him.

" Th-..T-Thanks… " he harshly said as tears started to flow down his face. I didn’t say anything and just took out my handkerchief to dry his tears. He blushed and looked back at me, his eyes shining with recognition. 

" Don’t look at me like this … " I sighed. I wasn’t worth his admiration. I had done nothing that deserved him to admire me. Not now, nor in my whole life. He looked down to his shaking hands at my words. What an obedient kid…

" Don’t think there will always be someone to save you… You need to stand up for yourself. It’s like this the world runs… " I spoke and he nodded his gaze still on his hands.

He was just so cute at the moment, I wanted to take him in my arms, hug him tightly and keep him for myself. But I couldn’t do that. He would just suffer more if he stayed with me…

Now that his bully is gone, he would just be fine. He will find friends and be happy, he didn’t need me to worsen the picture. I stood up patting his head and left the restroom, letting him by himself.

Once in the corridors, I  found myself alone. Daehyun hadn’t even waited for me. It wasn’t like I had spent an hour, I just checked that the boy was fine and I was done. Would it really have killed him to wait five fucking minutes?

He was so selfish …


	12. Would you

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

** MAY **

It’s been a month since the Daehyun-sunbaenim and Youngjae-sunbaenim’s incident with Kyubong. My classmates let me at peace and that’s when I realized that I liked it more when I was a part of it, even if it meant them bullying me. I was still excluded except they were simply ignoring me as if I didn’t exist, now that the main bully had left the school I didn’t know why they kept acting this way. Sometimes I caught Wonshik’s eyes on me, but he would look away as soon as our gaze would meet. He became friends with a girl in our class and spent all his break time with her. I had thought once Kyubong was gone he would come back with me or at least not ignore me anymore…

Since that day, I never saw Kyubong again … and no one seemed to care about him. It wasn’t that I liked him or anything else of that sort, but it was kind of sad that everybody acted as if he never existed. A missing person, as despicable as he could be, would always remain a missing human because he’s human before being anything else.

It took me the whole month which followed the toilet’s incident to gather enough courage to go ask Youngjae-sunbaenim about Kyubong. I know it had been Daehyun-sunbaenim who took my bully out of the restroom, but he was too scary for me to go ask him myself, and as he had defended me, I didn’t find Youngjae-sunbaenim scary anymore.

When I found them, they were sitting on a bench next the director’s office room. I gathered all the courage I could and made my way to the director office. I stopped right in front of them unable to say or to do anything, it was like their mere presence was blocking all the muscles of my body. I had been in a sort of trance walking to them, I had been really determined, but now, I was back to my true self wondering how could I even thought I would be able to do such thing. I watched Youngjae-sunbaenim, trying to call him with the strength of my thoughts, calling him silently with my eyes but I never met his as he was too much into his conversation with Daehyun-sunbaenim. I stayed there for a moment, a few steps away from them, without saying anything and the first to notice me was Himchan-sunbaenim.

" Is there something you want kiddo ? " he asked, his voice coming out really caring and turning my eyes to him, I noticed him and Jongup-sunbaenim were actually looking at me… Since how long had they been ? I was also taken aback by the tone he used with me, I hadn’t expect him to be that caring. He hadn’t really the look to be the caring type, but now I knew he was, I wished he had been the one to find me in the toilet that day and that other day … maybe then, it would have ended differently.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Youngjae-sunbaenim and Daehyun-sunbaenim turning their head toward me, to see who Himchan-sunbaenim was talking to and I felt all the weight of their gazes on me. What had remained of my  _courage_  flew away in less than a second. Even though Himchan-sunbaenim’s voice had been caring, it was only pity I could see in their eyes. Of course they had recognized me, and they pitied me. I guess like a lot of people would, if they knew. I don’t know why, but it’s always in the worst moment that we remember things we do not ever want to. The memory of Daehyun-sunbaenim saying that Jongup-sunbaenim did told them he had just been watching me being beaten and he said he had enjoyed it, came back to me like a meteor crossing into space to crash specifically on me. I felt dizzy, sick and disgusted at the simple thought of someone enjoying someone else’s suffering.

" N-nothing. " I gabbled looking down at my feet before I turned round to run away. At that moment I decided I would ask Youngjae-sunbaenim later, when he would be alone.

Soon enough, I learned that he was never alone, there were always at least Daehyun-sunbaenim by his side. I observed him through the whole day, watching him from afar I waited for the moment to grab my chance whenever he would be alone, even if it meant only a few seconds, like, him going to the restroom at the specific moment he would be still in the corridor while Daehyun-sunbaenim would be already inside. Each time he caught me, eyes on him, I swear he must have eyes on the back of his head.

It happened after the lunch time. I had just finished eating and was getting out the canteen after I gave my tray to the lady of the canteen, the two big wooden doors had barely closed behind me that I was dragged into a desert hallway by strong arms, pulling me by the back of my shirt, I couldn’t see who my assailant was ; a sudden rush of panic ran through my veins as I imagined that person to be Kyubong’s ghost coming back from the dead to take his revenge on me. After all, we quite see that often in horror movies. Even though I wasn’t sure Kyunbong was dead or simply living in another city now. When he stopped and released me, I slowly turned my face to look at my captor’s face, not really sure if I wanted to know who it was or not. I almost sighed in relief when I recognized Youngjae-sunbaenim. Almost because, he didn’t look pleased at all and maybe in the end I would have prefer to deal with my bully’s ghost.

" WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ? " he burst and I felt the air hitting my cheeks as he banged his fists on the locker behind me. He had approached me, his face was a few inches from mine so I had my back glued to the lockers behind me. I peeked at his fists on each side of my head before I looked back at him. Opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water, I remained silent and my eyes fell to my feet as I closed definitely my mouth. He was way too close to me and I wanted to take back what I had thought about him not being scary. He was less than the rest of Yongguk-sunbaenim’s band, but right at the moment, still scarier than anyone else in school. I heard him sigh, while this time I hadn’t answered him back as I was too busy making a mini-prayer inwardly so he would spare me.

" Sorry … " he removed his hands and plunged them in his pockets. I blinked at him and he was watching the end of the hallway to his left, taking a repenting posture. He seemed a bit ashamed of what he just did and I wanted to tell him that it was okay as long as he hadn’t hit me, but words wouldn’t leave my throat so I just shook my head. I saw his eyes moving to me as he watched me from the corner of his eyes before turning his head back to face me. " You were spying on me for the whole month acting like a stalker… It was creepy…

– S-s-sorry … ” I managed to say, bowing my head down. When I stood straight back he was looking at me scratching the back of his neck with his right hand, while he still had his other hand plunged in his pants’ pocket.

" Are you in love with me ? "

What ? I opened my eyes wide and shook my head nervously, not knowing the kind of reaction he wanted me to have and by that, I meant, the reaction I needed to have for him to not beat me.

" Thanks god… " he sighed in relief, " I don’t think I could have handled it. "

I stayed silent again at that statement not knowing what to think about what he just said, I felt a bit hurt but not that much as I had no feelings for him. What hurt me was when I imagined Yongguk-sunbaenim saying the same thing to me, I started to get depressed with that single idea and that’s how I decided I would never tell him what I felt for him.

" So … what do you want ? … why were you acting all creepy ?

– I-I wasn’t acting creepy … ” I answered absentmindedly as he tore me out my daydream -or I would rather call it day-nightmare-, only the second after I finished to speak I realized that he would probably not like me to talk back to him this way and that he would surely hit me to teach me a lesson. Finally, it was way better when words wouldn’t come out by themselves from my mouth, than when they did before I could think further about it, like if they were appropriate or not.

" You were … " he said shrugging his shoulders. I thought I escaped my punishment this time but I needed to be more careful about the words I would use, next time I wouldn’t be that lucky.

" I … I wanted to ask you something …

– About ?

– … Kyubong …

– Who ? ”

Was he joking… He had to be… I looked at the puzzled look on his face which showed me he really had no clue of who I was talking about… I thought he couldn’t have forgotten him, Kyubong wasn’t the type to be easily forgotten, or maybe it was just for me ? As I watched him as puzzled as he was looking at me, Youngjae-sunbaenim was waiting for me to enlighten him. Did I started to become crazy, did I invent Kyubong ? Which would explain why no one talked about him. Maybe he was just part of my imagination, which would mean the whole bully thing too…

" … Kyubong … the b-boy who was … " words died in my throat again less sure about myself than earlier.

" The b-boy who was ? " he repeated my words raising an eyebrow trying to get the meaning of it, as if those simple words was the only thing that I wanted to say, but indeed it was just to make fun of me.

" The-one-who-was-bullying-me-in-the-restroom… " I didn’t know how I managed to say it in a one go and without stuttering. Maybe the fact he had mocked me. I had felt upset as he perfectly knew I was scared of him, even if he was the less scary, he still was impressive while acting like this.

" Ah, that one… I don’t know. Why do you care about him anyway ?

– N-n-no..just… it’s just …

– Were you in love with him ? ” Why did he think I was in love with everyone at school… “ It happens sometimes… it’s what we call The Stockholm syndrome. ” I remained silent, not knowing how to answer this. That was true but not really what I was feeling, not at all even, it had nothing with what I wanted to ask. “ If that was all you wanted to know, I’m sorry. I don’t know about your lover.

– H-He is n-…

– I’m going. ” he turned around and started to walk away but I grabbed him by his sleeve before he went too far.

" W-wait ! " I let go of his arm right away when he turned his wondering gaze to me.

" What ? " he didn’t sound annoyed at me and I thanked God for that, he must be in good spirits today to stay that patient with me.

" There’s something else I wanted to ask …

– … go on.

– Do you think …Jongup-sunbaenim would have helped me if … if I had asked him to ?

– … ask him yourself. ”

I couldn’t do that. Not only because I was way too impressed by him, but if it was the same mess to get to talk to him, and most of all he was nowhere to see at the moment.

" JONGGUPPIE !!  " he suddenly called out which startled me. What ? I looked around and when I watched to my right side, I saw them. His whole band was there, watching us from afar. But especially, he was watching us. I mean.  **HE**  was watching  **ME**  ! My heart started his speed race, the same it would each time I saw Yongguk-sunbaenim but this time it was worst than usual because of his eyes on me. I felt my legs becoming numb and I didn’t know what to think anymore. Not that I didn’t have anything to think about, but my brain wasn’t responding.

Jongup-sunbaenim came to meet us while Youngjae-sunbaenim was joining his band, and they left. Leaving me alone with Jongup-sunbaenim, or more like, leaving him alone with me. I wondered since when they were watching us. Did they hear what we were talking about? This made me think, did Jongup-sunbaenim tell Yongguk-sunbaenim about the toilet incident too ? I wonder what Yongguk-sunbaenim would think about me if he did. Did he laughed at me ? At how weak I was for a boy ? and…

" Follow me. " Jongup-sunbaenim pulled me out of my thoughts, I blinked up at him only to see his back walking away.

I followed him and he led us outside silently. He sat on that single bench in front the football playground and tapped next to him, making me understand that he wanted me to sit there. Which I did. Leaving a gap between us.

" You … wanted to ask me something ?

– …

– We arrived when Youngjae-hyung told you to ask someone yourself, and he called me right after. So … I suppose this someone is me. ”

I nodded, but was more thinking about Yongguk-sunbaenim, somehow I felt relieved they had arrived at the end of our conversation only.

" It’s about what happened in the restroom last time ? " I nodded again unable to form a proper word with my mouth. " Ehm… I’m sorry I couldn’t help you that time …

– You couldn’t ? What do you mean you couldn’t ? ” I burst angrily not understanding what he meant. Turning my head to him, I saw him looking sadly at me but he said nothing for his defense and looked down at his hands. “ You’re obviously stronger than him. Why didn’t you try anything ??

– Just… I couldn’t… I’m sorry…

– I don’t get it !!

– I’m sorry…

– Seriously !!

– I’m sorry…

– It didn’t seem like you were afraid of him- ” and he just kept apologizing while I was releasing my anger on him.


	13. I'm nice but

** HIMCHAN POINT OF VIEW **

" Who was that blonde boy ? " Yongguk asked Youngjae once he reached us and followed him as he was leading us farther from Jongup and that boy, farther from the place I wanted to go -which was next my Jonggupie- and in the opposite direction of where they were. I was sure he was doing it on purpose..

" The boy who was beaten by the one Daehyun took care of. " I replied before Youngjae could as he put too much time to answer, which was more than half a second and that was already too long. That wasn’t the question that interested us so it was better I replied the things I already knew so we could skip directly to more important facts.

" What did he want from you ? " Yongguk asked, not to me but to Youngjae again. I wanted to know that as well, even if its not the question I would have asked him, but that was already nearer to what really caught our attention and I was waiting for Youngjae to answer.

" Well ! What did he want ? " I asked Youngjae, repeating Yongguk’s answer but he looked like he didn’t wanted to answer, I wondered why..

" I thought you would answer … " That dick ! He was upset I replied at his place, what an annoying silly smartass … I frowned ready to burst back something to him, but Daehyun’s cooing cut me off before I could.

" Shh, calm down and answer to the nice Himchan Jae, " those two.. I hated it whenever they were like this, they were impossible. I wondered how Yongguk could support it and not beat their ass up… ah yes… he couldn’t.

" Firstly he wanted to know about his bully… " Youngjae finally complied to explain and Daehyun chuckled. We didn’t know what he had done to this one but we hadn’t seen the boy again since he did took care of him.

" Why did he ask this to you ? Daehyun was the one to drag the boy God knows where… " I frowned, trying to figure out how that little boy had come to ask Youngjae for something Daehyun had done, was it that obvious they knew everything about each other, even to a boy that didn’t know them personally and only saw them from afar ?

" I think he’s afraid of Dae… he must have heard about your family… " Youngjae said turning to Daehyun who just hummed in response, a sly smirk playing on his face. Of course that boy was afraid, he looked like the easy type to scare, but even the stronger ones were afraid of Daehyun in the school. Of Daehyun or of his family … that was the thing I didn’t know.

" And he’s not of you ? " Yongguk teased the smart boy who was feared just because of Daehyun always sticking to him, and protecting him whatever he would do. Even if Youngjae was at fault, Daehyun would always think he wasn’t. Sometimes Youngjae liked it, but most of the time not, because people always thought he couldn’t take care of himself which would be more the contrary. Daehyun wouldn’t be able to survive alone while Youngjae had already went through a lot, when he was lonely.

" I was the one to get him out of his shit. " Youngjae defended himself, trying to explain that he wasn’t as useless as most of people thought. Yet, why did he tried to convince us … We knew better than anyone else how ingenious he was, he hadn’t really anything to prove.

" That does not explain what he wanted from Jonguppie ! " I finally arrived to the subject which interested me the most, as no one looked like they would ask, I had to. Of course, the reason as why he was taking my Jonguppie away from me -even for a few minutes- was the only thing that interested us.

" That’s why I said /Firstly/…

– So … SECONDLY is ? ” I wasn’t the type to loose my temper, except when it came to be about Jongup.

" Why Jongup didn’t help him and just watched him being beaten the first time …

– Jongup did that ? ” I was shocked, as for Daehyun and we all took a look at Yongguk who was smiling happily, content with himself. He liked it when we were acting the way he wanted, and mostly when it wasn’t in Jongup’s habit to let someone in trouble -when he could help- just to obey the silly whim of our leader.

In the main building, on the door leading outside, there was a big window which allowed us to see what was happening in the court, but which mostly allowed us to spy on the younger boys.

The cutie bullied boy looked angry at Jongup who was just starring at his hands mumbling something back to him in answer, probably apologizing. Even if I understood perfectly why the boy was angry at him and agreed with the fact that he had to apologize. I didn’t like to see my Jonguppie in such a state. My Jonguppie who was full of pride. I wanted to burst at that boy to let my Jonguppie alone and to break the neck of this little bitch who was belittling my Jonguppie. I would be doing that right now, if Yongguk wasn’t holding me back, his two arms locked around my shoulders my back against his chest.

" Calm down Channie, let Jongup deal with it himself " he ordered me and I had no other way than obeying. I stopped struggling so he let go of me. Yet, that didn’t prevent me from boiling on the spot, waiting for my time to get into action to come.

" He’s cute. I want to make him cry too, " Daehyun commented which earned him a slap made by Youngjae right at the back of his head. I looked at him suspiciously, not because of how wrong his sentence sounded, but because I wondered what he was up to. I remembered that day when he picked up the little blonde’s boy’s books that had fallen to the ground in the corridor, after someone did hustled him. Never Daehyun had take care of anyone else than Youngjae, so seeing him being interested in that boy had pricked my curiosity. Did he knew him or anything else ? When he looked after the boy, trying to do it in some way we wouldn’t see him, he did look like when he was with his men. A mafioso looking after a member of his  _family_.

" Don’t be mad Jae, you’ll always be my favorite crybaby, " Daehyun said and Youngjae’s face turned into a beautiful crimson red color in no time.

We exchanged some glances with Yongguk…

" It’s not really a big deal Youngjae, " I tried to reassure him.

" It’s okay to cry… " Yongguk tried to help me.

" Still… " a gloomy Youngjae answered.

" We all have different ways to react to it… " I tried anew to make him feel better.

" Some laugh, some become violent, and … some cry… " Yongguk explained what I had meant, to say in what state it had put our smartass if we needed to explain him things as simple as that.

" Daehyun you should say something to cheer him up too ! " I scolded the offender who was staying setback as if he had nothing to do with the whole thing.

" But I like to drink with Jae… he’s really funny when he’s drunk… " he pouted kicking some dust on the ground like it was pebble.

" I can’t stand it anymore ! " I burst opening the door and went out. I heard them sigh behind me, but they couldn’t refrain me this time and the only choice left for them was to follow me. " Jonguppie !! I missed you !! " I whined as I took him in my arms glaring to the boy sitting next to him.


	14. Adopted

** YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW **

Himchan was getting jealous, and it was just pain in the ass to deal with a jealous Channie. I enjoyed I was finally outside to take out a cigarette and light it up. We followed Himchan closely who walked to the boys on the bench and took his  _Jonguppie_  in his arms. The young blonde boy sitting next him watched him scared as Himchan sent him death glares. Then the poor boy looked up at me probably searching for some kind of help and he blushed hard meeting my eyes before averting his gaze. I put his reaction on the account of being impressed to have all us gathered around him.

I agreed with what they all said. He really did have a cutie face with his curly blonde hair falling on his forehead. It was too tempting to… to… I stood in front of him while he was still sitting on the bench. Moving a hand toward his face, I took one of his curls between my thumb and my little finger and pulled it slightly until it became smooth hair, being careful to not burn him with my cigarette, I released it and it bounced back. I blew out some smoke as I chuckled to his funny ramyun hair style. Ramyun was my favorite meal and I would have never imagined hair like that could exist in the world. As I was facing him the smoke went to his face and he coughed.

" Ohm… sorry, " I apologized as I moved my free hand in front his face, fanning it to disperse the smoke.

While we were speaking about school matters, I continued to play with my new found toy, caring to not burn him with my cigarette and to not blow smoke on his face. Since we arrived, he hadn’t moved an inch and was still in the same position, sitting straight up on the bench, as if he had something jammed up in his ass. I wished he wasn’t scared anymore around us so I could hear him talk and laugh freely. It wouldn’t take long time before that moment happen as I just decided he would be a part of my limited circle. Effectively, I had just adopted him as my little brother.

Jongup suddenly looked at my recently adopted little brother as he remembered something, ” if you’re curious about this Kyu-something… you can ask Daehyun-hyung now he’s here. ” My cutie squirmed in place, I think he wanted to look at Daehyun when Jongup talked about him, but then he must be too afraid of him and tried to look everywhere but at us, something quite difficult as we were surrounding him. The one implied gave my ramyun boy his mafioso style smile, the one that would freak out even the most reckless student, and I was glad my cutie hadn’t seen him or the poor boy would have been more afraid than he already was.

" I don’t want to knooooooooow !! " Youngjae almost sang -loudly- plugging his two ears with his fingers.

" Me neitheeeeeeeeeeer " Himchan joined Youngjae in what he was doing.

" Even if you wanted to know I wouldn’t tell you … " Daehyun smirked and I think we all clearly heard the poor scared boy gulping hardly, his throat probably too dry for that.

" Just know he’s dog poop now, he won’t annoy you anymore. " Daehyun winked to the ramyun boy in the short time their eyes meet. Which earned to the poor scaredy cat to squirm uneasy in place again. He stared frightened at his lap, even though I was sure he had no idea what Daehyun meant by /dog poop/. It was a particularity of the Jung’s family. For my part, I did know what it was, since I was accompanying Daehyun when he dragged the boy out the school. Even though they did have their bet about doing what they wanted for the first one who would catch the boy, and they didn’t want to share with others, they knew that at least they had to let me in whatever they had planned for the bully.

As we spoke we could hear sounds coming from the park at some times. First, we just thought it was because of the wind. Because the park was in renovation, it was situated at the back of the football playground, facing the main building. But in the end we finally decided it was better to go see what it really was, because it was a restricted area, which meant the students weren’t allowed to go there. Really, they had no pity for me as they never gave me a rest…

" Ahhhhhh! So annoying… " Daehyun sighed.

" Why do girls always want to go where they’re not allowed to ? " Youngjae complained and we all turned to him.

" How do you know it’s girls over there ?

– I can make difference between a girl’s chuckle and a boy’s one, Jonguppie… ” he explained as if saying that two plus two were two.

I was part of the few people that knew Youngjae never did it on purpose, and it often pissed people off hearing him talk this way to other. It wasn’t really his fault that he was a genius, acting as if he was dumb at times. This, on the contrary was done on purpose because he knew how it upset people. He learned it the hard way with Daehyun’s family. But sometimes -as just now- he thought that things were natural for everyone to know and this is how he managed -one time again- to piss off our poor Jonguppie.

" What’ll you do ? " Himchan asked turning toward me, waiting for me to take a decision.

" Don’t know yet… We’ll go see what the matter is first. " I answered wondering what girls could be doing over there.

" They’re painting. " Youngjae informed us and I wondered if he had read my mind. This time no one dared to ask him how he knew this.

" Let’s go. " I said and we all started to make our way toward the park, walking through the football playground.

With all this I had almost forgot my little boy. Turning round, I looked at him and he was still sitting on the bench, a puzzled look on his face. He flushed a bright red, which was quite -really- obvious because of his too white skin, when our eyes met and he looked down to his hands as soon as I had my eyes on him, which made me think I actually was the one he was watching seconds ago. I wondered if I just found a new fan of me, but at the difference of all my other, I wondered how could I remove his fear of me. If not his fear shyness. Before I always thought about how to be sure others would fear me and it was the first time I wanted to erase it. Those few fool friends that I have had never feared me from the start, even after I did beat the shit out of them. So the whole thing was really a first to me, but I liked this challenge.

" Hey ! kiddo ! " I called him so he would come with us, and I realized I didn’t know his name. He turned his red face back to me and I made him sign to come join us. He stood up awkwardly and first took a few hesitant steps toward us. But I was waiting for him, so he could take all the time he wanted, which he didn’t do when he noticed I wasn’t moving until he reached my level. I smiled brightly to him and put my arm on his shoulders, following the rest of my group who was ahead of us.

" What’s your name kid ?

– Jun Hong… Ch-

– Junhong-ah ? ” I repeated after him, he had talked that lowly I had barely heard him with the other being so noisy around us. He nodded shyly watching to his feet and I smiled at him.

" Jun Hong … " I repeated to myself watching in front us. " I won’t forget. " I squeezed him by his shoulders, making a slight pressure as to huggle him before letting him go, to join Himchan who was the first to arrive at the barrier which separated the park from the schoolyard.

If you take a look at the definition in the dictionary, you can find “kept within certain limits” ; “excluding or unavailable to certain groups” or “of, relating to, or being information available only to authorized persons”. Nothing complicated to understand in my beliefs, yet, those students who transgressed our rules seemed to not be aware of what ‘restricted area’ meant. Not really surprising they didn’t knew something that simple, as they were here instead of learning it in classes at the moment.

We reached the place where the girls were and indeed they were painting. What the fuck was that ? They gasped when they saw us but didn’t dare to run away nor even to move as I approached them to take a look at their painting… A waterfall. I looked in front of me. It should be what they were painting but… There weren’t any waterfall here. Just bushes and trees… I brought my cigarette to my lips to take a puff watching it more in details before I stood up and backed off without saying a word to the girls.

" What are you doing ? " Himchan asked me probably shocked I hadn’t flip everything off, but strangely I didn’t feel like it. Not that I was more lenient with girls than with boys, but I thought about Junhong, and if I wanted him to not be scared of me anymore I thought I shall first start to calm down.

" I let them their space. " I answered nonchalantly to him, a smirk playing on my face. The girls exchanged surprised and wondering glances, and so did my band mates. " I know you need your own space when you’re painting so… I’ll just sit here and wait for them to finish their painting. " I said and it was at that moment that my band understood what I really meant, leaving the three other ones clueless about what would come next.


	15. Happy life

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

Yongguk-sunbaenim grabbed me by my wrist and made me sit down next him on the grass. I couldn’t look at him so I just stared at the two girls painting while the rest of the band sat and lay down here and there. Silence floated in the air once everybody was settled, but it wasn’t a disagreeable one. It was more like the world had stopped spinning, that it had no more effect nor importance in the little bubble we were in now and we could finally relax. The place sounded out of time, maybe more magical to me because of Yongguk-sunbaenim. I mean, he was sitting here, next to me, playing with my hair with a bright smile that illuminated his face each time he made one of my curls bounce. It was the first time of my life that I liked my hair.

Everything was like a dream, me, here, with the most handsome and cool students of the school and no one to break the little world were in. What better would I wished for ? As every dream, I knew it would stop at a time, but I decided not to care about the consequences for the moment and to simply enjoy it while it lasted. 

Earlier, when I had saw Yongguk-sunbaenim and his band approaching us when I was sitting on the bench with Jongup-sunbaenim, I had been so scared that I wanted to run away but my legs just wouldn’t move. The fact that he was watching me when he lightened his cigarette didn’t help at all and I had no other choice but to look down at my knees to avoid his -too marvelous- eyes. The nearer he got to me, the more I could feel his gaze on me, it was like it really had a weight and that my shoulders lowered under the weighty gaze. Yet, I didn’t know if he was upset with me or not. After all, he could be - like Himchan-sunbaenim - because I had been angry after Jongup-sunbaenim. I knew I shouldn’t have but now it was too late to have regrets.

When Himchan-sunbaenim took Jongup-sunbaenim in his arms, he sent me death glares and I just felt like an ice cream melting under the burning sun. Why did he have to look so scary ? He was already without doing anything … From time to time, I looked up to check if they were still here, and mostly if Yongguk-sunbaenim was still here and I was right. Why in the world was he here, standing in front me to smoke ? His eyes were literally piercing through my soul, shredding it. My eyes fell back down only after being one second on his face, I didn’t know where to watch so when I saw the watch tied to Yongguk-sunbaenim’s wrist, I stuck my glare on it, watching it as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. I wasn’t that wrong after all, because everything that had any link to do with Yongguk-sunbaenim was interesting. Watching it further, I recognized it. After spending a week with Wonshik I had become a mini expert about trends, I had to because he loved mode and he always asked me what I would think about the last Louis Vuitton’s bag. I think I did spent more time learning about the trends than revising for my courses, but it wasn’t in waste as I already saw that watch through my researches. The price was something around the $4,000,000 … I gulped quite difficulty because of my dried throat. I should have known that Yongguk-sunbaenim was some rich kid too. It was just, he didn’t looked like one … while the others where all showing off their wealth, Yongguk-sunbaenim looked average next to them, almost normal. His aura did everything.

He was like this, when you watch him, you’re too mesmerized by his charisma that you forget completely about what trend he’s wearing. One time I even thought he was like me …

I was torn off my thoughts feeling something in my hair, the instant after a curl was being pulled and released, making it bounce back. I closed my eyes in frustration, I hated my hair, why couldn’t others leave my hair alone ? They always felt forced to make fun of me because of it, because it wasn’t smooth like theirs. Because I was different. And here I was, being made fun of because of my hair, again. I started shivering as I had just wished to never become the scariest band’s whipping boy. I wondered how I could bring misfortune to myself so easily, and this, without doing anything particular. I heard a chuckle and the instant after I was being surrounded by smoke. I blinked my eyes and coughed, I didn’t like cigarettes because my mother had hard time quiting and that it was killing her health. I frowned thinking that Yongguk-sunbaenim was destroying his health too and wished that I would be enough important in his life to make him stop too, like I did for my mother.

" Ohm … sorry, " I heard a deep hoarse voice apologizing and the hand I had my eyes glued on came out from its pocket to come vent my face, dissipating the smoke away. I felt my cheeks warming up thinking that Yongguk-sunbaenim was playing with /my/ hair and he was caring about me not liking smoke, my fists clenched on each side of me on the bench, trying to prevent it from shaking.

But still now, I had my fists clenched on my knees while Yongguk-sunbaenim was playing with my hair, but it didn’t really prevent them from shaking. He finished his cigarette, crashing it under his shoe, at the same time the girls finished painting. At that moment, I thought Yongguk-sunbaenim and his band weren’t as scary as everybody said, because they had let the girls at peace and just watched them. First, when I had heard them talking about students going to park which was a restricted area, I had been afraid they would beat them to death, but they did nothing of that. We all stood up and went back to the football playground. I thought we would go back to class, but instead of walking to the school main building, Yongguk-sunbaenim turned on his right and walked to a deserted place next the playground.

" This way. " He said - or more ordered - and we all followed him, Himchan pushing the girls in their back, making them understand that they too had to follow. I wondered what we could do there as there were only sand, it looked like a site that was waiting for a building to be built here. "Wait here. " Yongguk-sunbaenim said and while we all waited in the middle of the sand place, he made his way toward a little hangar which looked abandoned. I was standing awkwardly next the girls waiting and wondering what was going on.

" Why did you paint a waterfall whereas there weren’t any waterfalls to take as reference ? " Jongup-sunbaenim was the one to break the silence.

" Just … " one of the girl started but stopped blushing, she must have felt embarrassed and as impressed as I was because of Yongguk-sunbaenim’s band to have their eyes on her. " We wanted to see if our paintings would look exactly the same if we were painting a same thing we were imagining…" the other girl continued, we all stayed silent waiting for her to further her explanation, " our teacher said our painting looked exactly the same when we had the same object as reference. So we just sat there to not be disturbed by anyone and we imagined that waterfall and …"  I looked at the two painting and effectively, they were the same. It looked like it had been printed in two editions and not that it had been painted by two different persons.

" Whatever you do, it will never be the same … " Youngjae-sunbaenim said with a tone, he sounded … annoyed. We watched him as he took the two paintings from the girls, each one of them in his two hands. " Because this one is in my right hand … and this one … is in my left hand. It is not the /same/, it’s like talking about twins. They’re not the /same/ … " We all remained silent, others probably agreeing with him while I was trying to understand what he meant. Daehyun-sunbaenim took a paintbrush from one of the girl’s hand and approached the painting Youngjae-sunbaenim was holding. The two girls gasped while the others chuckled, for my part I watched with wide and shocked eyes as Daehyun-sunbaenim painted grossly a smiley on one of the paintings. He took a step back to admire his masterpiece, a huge smirk on his face.

" Here. Like this it’s not the same anymore. No more problems ! " he said letting the paintbrush fall on the ground, letting his smirk fell in the same time. That .. was creepy. It’s at this time that Youngguk-sunbaenim came back with something in his hands. Himchan-sunbaenim took the paintings from Youngjae-sunbaenim to let it fall on the ground where Daehyun-sunbaenim had put the paintbrush and they all took a step back, I - and the two girls - followed their actions. When Yongguk-sunbaenim opened the tin he was holding, I could smell the gasoline scent coming from it. I frowned disgusted by the smell but opened my eyes huge wide when I understood what he was planning to do. The girls put their hands over their opened mouth while the liquid was being spread on the painting, of course they didn’t dare to stop him. Then Yongguk-sunbaenim lightened a cigarette, breathed in one time and threw it on the painting which burnt almost instantly. He looked back at the girls, turning his back to the fire.

" I don’t care what your excuse was, a restricted area is a place you have no right to be in. If I find you over there - or any other restricted area - the sentence that time will be much worse than this. " He nodded his head toward the fire behind him, " now get the hell out of here. " He said calmly, yet authority filled in his voice which sounded even more scary than if he had yelled. I knew he wasn’t talking to me but I felt my blood freeze and I wanted to decamp with the two girls. I would without counting on my legs which didn’t want to move and for Yongguk-sunbaenim to put his arm on my shoulders. I started shaking in fear, now they were in the mood to punish, I was sure I was the next on their list.

" Shit ! " I was startled at his curse, he was still watching the painting burning.

" What ? " Daehyun-sunbaenim rose an eyebrow at him, looking away from the fire to look at Yongguk-sunbaenim.

" It was my last … " he wined and it sounded so cute. His band laughed and a small smile appeared on my face. I felt so awkward, I was standing here as if I belonged to their band. I wish one day I would, but I wasn’t as scary as them and at first, there was no reason for them to accept me in their band. I just wished they wouldn’t hit me too hard, that they would just ask me to be their whipping boy without them beating me at all…

**The week after**

They never asked me to go buy them something nor to do some tasks for them, nor tried to hit or kick me. Truth was, they asked me nothing except for staying with them. It was quite calm and I started to feel more at ease around them. I wasn’t ready to have long talk about our respective lives, but it looked like they didn’t care. Yongguk-hyung asked me to call him ‘hyung’ instead of ‘sunbaenim’ and it had been the most beautiful day of my life. He was always caring for me, for my health, asking me how my courses went, if others treated me well, if I already ate …

It had been the day after the girls’ painting’s incident. I hadn’t seen Yongguk-sunbaenim and his band at the gate this morning and when I reached my classroom, my whole class was watching me with scared eyes. I didn’t understood why but I didn’t even search the reason of it, thinking it was a trick of my imagination. When the girl next me dropped her eraser, I picked it up for her and she shivered nodding to thank me, her eyes avoiding mine. It was a really weird feeling, usually I was the one to shake in fear when someone would come near me, not the contrary. When the lunch time came, I made my way to the canteen and people stepped aside from my way. I was relieved when I saw that Yongguk-sunbaenim and his band weren’t there when I entered the refectory. I sat alone at the same table I went every day, no one ever sat around me. I felt people staring at me, but when I looked up, everybody was full minded into their own business. I wonder if I was becoming paranoiac.

With a fork and knife in hands I was ready to eat when my whole body froze in fear, I heard a group louder than any other and I knew it was them. Taking a quick glance in the direction of the noisy band and I caught Yongguk-sunbaenim’s eyes on me. I gulped and realized that my new bullied life would start now. I watched down to the food in front me, praying in my head for Yongguk-sunbaenim and his band to walk by me like they did every day, and to let me at peace. Someone put his tray next mine and soon my tray was surrounded from every side by others.

" Yo ! Jun Hong-ah, " the deep voice of Yongguk-sunbaenim who was sitting next me spoke in my ear. I watched him from the corner of my eyes and nodded slightly my head in acknowledge to greet him. I glanced quickly around me before watching back my plate. They were all already chatting happily as if everything was perfectly normal. I didn’t know if I could listen to what they were saying, even less if I could take part of the conversation, so I decided the safer, to act like I was concentrated on my food. I was so hungry and I wanted to eat so badly. Gathering my courage, I moved my fork and knife toward the meat in my plate. My flatware knocked against the dish making loud noise so every face in the canteen turned toward me and this time it wasn’t my imagination. I heard some laughing and mostly Yongguk-sunbaenim’s band around me so I put down my stuff without having my meat cut. I held my knees with my two hands, preventing them to shake. I felt so pathetic but I tried to not lose my composure by crying even if the tears threatened to fall down from my wet eyes. It’s at that moment that, two hands - one holding a knife and the other a fork - came above my tray and started to cut my meat. Slowly I moved my eyes up, blinking and pinching my skin discreetly to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Yongguk-sunbaenim was cutting my meat. He wasn’t laughing nor mocking me, on the contrary his face was peaceful as if what he was doing was completely normal. When he finished, he went back to his own plate without a word. I kept watching him, still amazed of what just happened and he turned his face toward me, our eyes met. "You better eat before it goes completely cold.

– I .. I am not hungry .. ” I said looking back at my plate, blushing. It was the second time I talked to Yongguk-sunbaenim, the first time had been when I had told him my name, he did called me a kid back in time, which had quite hurt me. If he called me like that, meant he did considered me as one, and then, he wouldn’t take me seriously if ever I confessed what I felt for him. He would just think I was too young to understand, which was false of course, but this way, I knew I would never confess to him, already knowing what he would think of me.

I said I wasn’t but I was betrayed by my own body, my stomach more particularly, which decided on that right moment I stopped talking to growl. Yongguk-sunbaenim’s band laughed at me - again - and this time Yongguk-sunbaenim himself chuckled. My heart sank thinking he was making fun of me, I had so much consideration for him, it hurt more than when it was others laughing at me. Then again, Yongguk-sunbaenim did something I would have never expected him to do. With his fork, he grabbed a piece of the meat he had just cut in my plate and placed it in front my lips. As I wasn’t opening my mouth, he poked my lips with the meat and slowly, I took it in, closing slowly my teeth on the metal before pulling backward, removing the piece of meat from the fork. I munched on it and Yongguk-sunbaenim smiled brightly to me petting my head.

" It’s okay. Soon, you won’t be afraid of me anymore. " His voice was soft and sounded caring, I felt so lucky and blessed by the Gods.

Since that incident, I opened myself more and more to them, and soon I could even laugh out loud with them when they would be fooling around. For the first time of my life, I felt accepted and integrated in a band. It was a really nice feeling.

I knew it … I knew that when I was too happy there was always something to come and ruin my happiness … my happy life.

It happened on the last school day of the week, Friday. After spending a week with Yongguk-hyung, he had accepted for me to follow them in their secret basement. During the week, it had been the time I couldn’t be with Yongguk-hyung, he said his band needed time to get used to me before he could access their room, that only them could enter it, even the teachers were forbidden to. So finally, I found myself inside a huge room with many screens on one side, two huge sofas and five huge chairs gathered around a coffee table on the other side - which made me think that rich people did really have a thing for huge stuffs - the room was upholstered with a soft carped. They told me to try, but the first time I had been afraid to soil it, to which Himchan-hyung had laughed at me saying that he would simply buy a new one if we did soil it… and effectively I did like to walk barefoot on it. There was everything you need to survive if you happened to get locked up inside, for a month at least. After the band left, Yongguk-hyung asked me to wander in the school with him, and since we did it every evening after everybody left the school. We made sure that no one was still here. One day, we did find someone locked up in a locker and it made me realize that I hadn’t been the only bullied at school. I also understood that Yongguk-hyung and his band were making all they could to prevent it, they did care a lot about the bully thing.

Yongguk-hyung liked to stay in the basement, watching over the school through his screens. I was sitting on the sofa and watching him, I wondered if he had saw me when Kyubong had bullied me, I was curious about the matter but I refrained myself from asking him, afraid of what his answer would be. I was happy with him like this and I didn’t want it to end, so I wouldn’t do something as stupid as asking him that sort of question. So back to Friday, after we ended, he petted my head as when we reached the gate and here our ways got separated. He always stayed a little longer at school and never walked home with me. I didn’t know where he lived and one time I even wondered if he wasn’t living in the basement of the school. On my way home I chuckled alone in the street thinking about him living there like a hermit. When I passed the front door of my house, I saw my two parents in the lounge, it was weird for my father to be home this early. I approached them and I noticed they looked sad, as if something bad happened.

" Did something happen ?

– Ah, Junhong-ah, come here … ” I walked to my mother and she took me in her arms. I slipped my arms around her chest and squeezed her against me as I felt she needed it. Since I had entered MAMA, I had grown fast so I was now the same height as her. ” Your father lost his job … ” she explained and I understood then how bad the situation was. My mother was a housewife, she didn’t work and my father was the only income of the family, I wondered what we would become if he didn’t have a job anymore. How will we pay the house rent ? How will we eat ? But what saddened me the most was that I wouldn’t be able to keep going to MAMA, that I wouldn’t be able to see Yongguk-hyung anymore.

" What will we become ? for the house ? the food ? " I asked them.

" I’ll find a little work to pay the rent … " my father said from the sofa.

" … and I’ll find one myself for the food. " My mother added.

" What about my school ? " I asked them afraid they would ask me to quit and go to a cheaper one, or worst, to drop it and start working.

" I’ll go see the director and ask him if he can do something to help us … " my mother reassured me, but yet she sounded sad as if she knew it was impossible for the director to accept such a request.


	16. How dare you

**/!\ WARNING /!\**

This chapter contains a rape scene. You can read until the symbol  **/!\**  After that it’s up to you. If you do not want to read it, just skip it. You will later know what we learn during that scene.

Rape is  **not**  fun, it is not a smut scene to have pleasure from, I barely can re-read it myself to correct everything. I do not agree with rape and people who think that someone (generally a girl) deserved to be raped only because of the way he/she’s dressing is just stupid, are dicks and deserve to go to jail for thinking this way (or to die but that would be too sweet for them). [Here](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/34545/29/wet-panties-hard-cocks-a-smut-tutorial-chinese-japanese-korean-original-smut-tutorial-workshop) something really interesting to read.

* * *

** YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW **

It had been two weeks since Junhong joined our group. The first day after the two girls’ painting incident, it went fast for the whole school to know that Junhong was now a part of the band, those two girls were real chatterbox. I knew they all wondered about the reason that pushed me to accept him in but my friends knew better than asking me for the simple reason that I hadn’t any clue what had pleased me in that boy. It was just like this and that was all they -and I- needed to know. Other students in the school started to fear my young boy, after all they never saw his previous bully back to school and now he was part of my band. They certainly thought it was because of some secret strength from the boy but it was nothing like that. It wasn’t a problem though, it was good like this, so no one dared to annoy him anymore and I liked it this way. They didn’t need to know the truth.

Junhong was now in his math class while I was in the basement with Daehyun. My courses hadn’t started yet and Daehyun didn’t want to go to his, he always said he wanted to repeat his grade so he would be in the same grade as Youngjae, but the teachers were way too afraid of his father to let him do that. Even if he never took a test, the teachers always made him pass to the next grade. So here we were, chatting together while keeping an eye on the screens, that’s when I saw her walking in the corridors. I did warn her to never come back here again… she was really looking for troubles.

I saw her making her way to the director’s office, but he wasn’t here yet, though that didn’t seem to bother her as she entered in as if she belonged there. I saw her sitting on the same sofa I had sat on and the second her ass reached the couch I burst out of the basement, boiling with rage. I couldn’t think straight anymore and I had only one thing in mind. I was already imagining my fingers wraped around her throat when someone grabbed my arm, my body reacting on its own, I turned around and grabbed whoever was there by his neck and pushed him against the wall. It’s only once I was pinning him to the wall that I recognised Daehyun and he coughed when I released him. ” What do you want ?

– Just … Just to .. to prevent you .. try not to kill her .. that’s all .. ” he had quite a hard time to talking and coughing at the same time as he tried to catch back his breath. I didn’t answer him and he grabbed me back, his two hands on my shoulders. ” Promise me. ” I remained silent glaring hard at him, trying to understand why the fuck did he care. ” I need you to promise me you won’t kill her or I won’t let you go. I can’t let you go knowing you would end up doing something bad.

– Why ? Why are you caring for her life ?

– You know perfectly I do not care about /her/, but I do care for you Hyung .. if you fuck it up this time I won’t be able to cover you.” I stayed a few second silent, shocked he called me ‘hyung’, he rarely does as it makes him feel inferior. I nodded slowly.

" I promise you I will try not to kill her. " and that was the best I could do without lying to him.

" Fine. " he nodded also and released me before going back to the basement

**/!\**

" What are you doing here ? " she jumped in surprise when I burst into the director’s office.

" I told you to never come back here. " I said as I locked the door, my back pressed against it and my eyes never leaving hers.

" Why did you lock the doors ? " She started to panic and stood up from the sofa. Putting the key in my back pocket, I walked to the hidden camera and mike, I did put them here in the back of the director, and I unplugged them. Of course, the director didn’t know anything about it, it was just for me to keep an eye on him. When I was busy, she ran to the door and tried to open it, pulling and pushing on the handle, I grabbed her, wrapping an arm around her and pushed her back into the middle of the room. " What are you planning to do ? you silly … " she glared at me, yet I could perfectly see that she was scared. At each step I took closer to her, she took one backward, "Ah!" she let out as she fell on the floor, tripping her foot over the carpet. I came and stood above over, each one of my feet on each side of her, she was lying on the ground watching up to me with her frightened eyes. " What do you plan to do ?

– I did promise the director I would make you suffer if you dared to show your face back here but…

–  But … ?

–  I just decided I will break you instead. Break you as you broke him .. so you’ll understand what it is .. to come to a point to disgust yourself .. you’ll never be the same. “  I unzipped my pants and started to pull it down to my thighs. ” He can’t be happy, so you can’t neither.

– You’re sick Yongguk !! ” her eyes started wetting as I took out my dick after pulling down my boxer. ” No !! ” She tried to move away but before she could move any further I grabbed her by her hair. ” Ahh ! NO ! DON’T DO THIS ! ” I knelled down so I was straddling her and she closed her mouth that tight, her lips turned white. I pinched her nose, preventing her to breathe, so if she wanted to, she had only one solution and I pushed myself in her wet cavity as soon as she opened her mouth. I released her nose to hold her by her head with my two hands. Tears were running down her face as I fucked her mouth, she was making little whimpering and sucking noises at the same time as she tried to breathe while crying. Then she started to gag but it didn’t refrain me so far and rammed further until reaching the back of her throat. When I hit her uvula, she threw up on me.

" How dare you … " I groaned disgusted as I pushed her head away from me, making it bounce against the cold floor. I had still her hair in m fists, standing up, I lifted her up by the hair and pushed her against the director’s desk.

" Ahh .. Yon.. yongguk .. stop .. please .. " she cried breathlessly as I turned her on her back and bent her on the desk. Being in skirt helped me a lot, so I tore off her panty hose and panties. " PLEAS-STOP !! .. DON’T !! " she started hitting me on my chest but it didn’t hurt, not that bad to make me release her hips. I forced my cock still recovered with her vomit on it inside her, she screamed and cried calling out for help only earning a smirk from me. I moved in and out restlessly and she cried louder and louder at each move I made. Even with her vomit used as lube, she was so tight and dried, I could hardly move making my thrusts even harsher.

" You can call for help all you want, this room is soundproofed. " I chuckled informing her when I was tired to hear her screaming endlessly. Even without her eyes widening I would have known she was beyond scared, because her hole was tightening, but I still kept fucking her as forcefully as before. She punched me in the face but she was so weak, even more at the moment, it did nothing to me.

" Yongguk … s-stop .. p-p-please!! " I saw blood coming out from her hole, and contrary to what I would have thought, it aroused me even more. I watched her beautiful face - because I had to concede that she was indeed a beautiful woman - deforming by the pain. Her make-up was a mess, her mascara running down her face because of the tears. She could barely breathe, being so stubborn at wanting to stop me by whining and whimpering, without forgetting my strong and fast thrusts, everything not controlled by lust but by rage. A trickle of drool came out from her mouth, she couldn’t gulp so it slipped down her face, onto her jaw to end on the desk. She was clawing my arms with her nails. I wasn’t near to come but I didn’t have all my time until the director arrived, which could be any time soon.

I pulled out and catching her by her wrists, I threw her onto the floor letting her fall on her four and came knelling behind her. Without letting her any second to proceed what was going on, I shoved my length into her undamaged hole and I growled at how much tighter she was here. ” So … no one ever came here .. hnn ..

– IT HURTS !! GO TO HELL !! YOU’RE SICK YONGGUK !! YOU NEED TO BE INTERNED !! I ALWAYS HAD SAID IT !!

– It’s your own fault .. blame yourself .. ” and this is how I broke her, yet it didn’t seem to be enough to me. I wanted to hurt her more, not to kill her because if she died, I wouldn’t be able to make her suffer. No.. death would be too sweet for her. I was quick thinking about how I could ravage her more, the more I was ramming into her. As I was grabbing her by her hips, I felt it in her skirt’s pocket. I took out her mobile and went through her register, the mobile in one hand and still the skin of her hip in my other one. I knew I was going slower while I searched through her phone, because she could talk now instead of just crying.

" Wh-wha-what are you-u doing ?! " I didn’t answer her and kept searching, damn, why does she has so many people in her contacts. I shall delete everything once I find what I was searching. " No .. no-n-no !! don’t !! " Okay, she may not be as dumb as she looked like, she must had understood what I was planning to do. Finally I found  **the**  number I was looking for. I pressed the green button and I didn’t have to wait too long for an answer :

" Hello ? Darl-

– Mr. Choi ? ” I asked cutting him.

" Yes .. who are you ? Why do you have my wife’s phone ?

– That .. she will tell you herself later, but for now she just wanted me .. to let you know something .. ” I answered him and lay the device down on the floor, next to us and I came back to my business. I took back my thrusts as strong as they were before. Bending over her, I slipped my two hands under her shirt. I massaged and pinched her nipples, I bit her at many place on her nape and on her shoulder, and what I wanted came quite quickly .. she started to moan from pleasure. Maybe her mind was against it, but she couldn’t go against her body’s desire to be fucked hard. I glanced at the phone and saw her husband was still on the phone. I smirked. ” Now it’s time for you to come .. ” I whispered and she answered me, shaking her head. She was pinching her lips, trying to prevent herself from moaning more than she already did. ” Show your husband, the whore you are. ” I said loud enough to be sure the concerned one would hear me. ” Like this, he’ll know how much you like the anal way .. ” I pounded into her, the stronger and faster I could. On the other hand, she couldn’t stand on her own anymore so I was holding her by her ass, pulling it more in the air. She was near and I felt it. She came some thrusts later.

I pulled off from her. Hung up the phone before smashing it with my foot, stomping on it. Zipping up my pants, I walked to the door and unlocked it. I left her crying on the floor, without a word or a glance to her.


	17. Drunk

** DAEHYUN POINT OF VIEW **

As Yongguk-hyung disconnected the camera and the mike, I had no way to know what was going on in the director’s office at the moment, but I knew that if he did that, it must not be something nice to see … I was far from being the curious type, I knew that if someone was hiding something it was better to not dig in about it, like this, we both stay out of the other’s problem but .. I had to confess I had been tempted to go see what was going on there. Yet, I knew better how to be the good and wise friend rather than a curious ignorant. While he was still over there, the others arrived at the basement. Himchan approached me :

" Where is Yongguk ?

– At the director’s office.

– But … the director hasn’t arrived already .. why would he - ” I glared to Youngjae, cutting him mid-sentence which was quite an exploit to do. We watched each other for a few seconds and I had again that feeling that he could read in my mind.

" It’s none of our business. " I simply said and went back to the movie I was watching when they arrived.

" Daehyun … " Himchan called me so I would look at him, but that would mean I had to remove my eyes from the screen and I didn’t really wanted to. The movie was much more interesting than watching Himchan.

" Let me watch my movie !! " I grumbled and stuffed a handful of popcorn in my mouth.

" Daehyun-hyung .. " and now Jongup started to talk too .. " it’s not a movie. " I glared to him but it didn’t make him react at all, sometimes I do wonder if he did understand what’s going on around him.. " it’s the school security camera ..

–  Same thing .. ” I shrugged and looked back at the screen.

" And this poor boy who is trying to get himself out from the locker he’s in is real and in the school at the moment you’re watching him .. " Himchan said coming nearer again, bending forward to look better at the screen. " The same as last time .. did you see the one who put him in ?

–  Yep .. they were wearing hoods so I couldn’t see their faces ..

– And you didn’t go to see ? Don’t tell me you just watched them through the screen without moving from your chair ? ” Himchan scolded me and I smiled brightly to him. ” From the start to the end ! ” which earned me a slap on the back of my head and Himchan left to go help the boy. Jongup - as always - followed him.

While this time, Youngjae had prepared himself something to eat and I joined him on the sofa. Watching Himchan and Jongup getting the boy out of the locker was less funny than watching the boy trying to get himself out of there by himself. I sat next Youngjae and I had nothing else than watching him eating. I watched his stuffed cheeks moving as he chewed on his food, it just made me want to poke his chubby cheeks. ” Stop looking at me like this .. it’s creepy .. ” he said between two bites but I didn’t move an inch, my eyes now glued on his lips. I wanted to kiss him so much right now.

Yongguk-hyung always had the worst timing ever. I had just decided I would remove the sauce in the corner of my Jae’s lips, but not with my finger, it would have been just a waste, I would have used my own tongue for that ; it was at that moment that Hyung came back from the director’s office. I pinched my nose because of the scent coming from him. He had many bruises on his face and arms and he must have on his chest too. He had an erection, vomit and blood on his pants. The only thing I could think about at the moment, was that I hoped that no one saw him in this state when he walked in the corridors. ” Hyung .. ” Youngjae looked puzzled and as for me disgusted by the smell. Sure, it wasn’t everyday we would see Yongguk-hyung in this state, but the most horrible was that he looked so lost at the moment.

I walked to the sink and grabbed a towel on my way. I wet it and went back to Hyung who was standing in the middle of the room, lifeless. I cleaned him using the towel I just wetted. ” Youngjae. Go search some clean clothes for Hyung. ” I ordered Youngjae and he obeyed without any contest. I shall mark this special day in my jae-calendar, he just did two things it would be normally impossible to do : to make him shut up with a simple glare and to make him obey without him talking back with his smart mouth.

After I was done treating Hyung’s injuries, Youngjae came back with the clothes. He helped me dressing Yongguk-hyung up but reaching a certain point we had a little problem and didn’t really know what we shall do. We exchanged some glances with Youngjae and I shook Hyung gently by his arm. “Hyuuuung .. You need to take care of your hard-on. ” I said, whining a bit, and he looked down to me, then to Jae before leaving to the toilet. Youngjae sighed next to me, he seemed to be relieved. ” What ?

–  I was afraid he would ask us to do it for him … ” he answered not so comfortably and I felt aroused at the simple idea of Youngjae jerking Hyung. Then I imagined him doing this to me.

" Would you have done it if he asked you to ?

–  .. I don’t know .. “

We were now at the bar. The whole band skipping school for today. Yongguk-hyung wasn’t on his right mind and he needed us to stick to him. Himchan and Jongup had came back to the basement when Yongguk-hyung was throwing up in the toilet. He did it for at least a whole hour, Himchan and Jongup had watched us wondering what was going on but didn’t dare to ask anything, knowing well that I would answer it wasn’t our business. If Yongguk-hyung wanted us to know about it, he would tell us. They practically knew nothing about Yongguk-hyung, only some part of his story but not the complete version, in details. I knew more than Himchan did. He may be his best friend, but he wasn’t part of the mafia. Yongguk-hyung did have some problems which made us meet each other in the past, before I enrolled in MAMA. When Yongguk-hyung had came out the toilet, the first and only thing he said was asking us to go for a drink, and so we did, and here we were.

Youngjae started crying over the world’s misery, Himchan and Jongup drank a bit with us before going back to the school, because we couldn’t let the school run out by itself, we needed at least one member of our group in the school to look after it. I took my crybaby in my arms. I liked it when I drink with Youngjae, I liked it when he cried for no reason, this way I could take him in my arms without sounding ‘creepy’ as he liked to tell me. Or without him being scared of me to do things to him. Yongguk-hyung drank three bottle of soju by himself and was now completely drunk. That’s when Youngjae’s words from earlier came back to me, I wondered if Yongguk-hyung would really fuck us when being drunk…

I was fully into trying to guess if yes or no he would when he stood up suddenly and without any warning, bumping into the table and making the glasses on it fall, fortunately, he did drank everything so there weren’t any alcohol to wipe after. ” I need to fuck the brain out of someone. ” he blurred and started to make his way toward the exit. I felt glad he didn’t jump on me right after he said that, or worst .. that he didn’t jump on Youngjae.

" Where are you going ? Hyung ? " Youngjae asked/cried - I’m not sure of anything anymore with those two in that state - between two hiccups. I wondered if he hiccuped because of the alcohol or because of the tears.

" School. " Yongguk-hyung blurred back to him and exited the bar.

" We have to go with him. He need us to look after him. I’m worried about what would happen if we’re not here to stop him for doing something bad .. Dae .. " Youngjae cried in my neck and I just couldn’t ignore him. It was impossible. So a word from a crying Jae calling me by my nickname and I was his devoted servant.


	18. More than a brother

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

Through the week-end I had searched in newspaper and walked to shops in the downtown, I searched for a job to do when I wouldn’t be at school so I could at least do something to help my parents, but mostly to put all the chances on my side so I would be able to stay at MAMA. In the week I would be at school and the week-ends I would work in a shop or whatever. Except that no one wanted to hire a school boy …

So it was without work and not sure if the director would agree for me to stay with the money problems my parents were having, that I came back at MAMA the following Monday. I enjoyed it - the best we can enjoy going to school - as if it was the last day I would come here. After my morning courses I went to the basement, I wanted to see Yongguk-hyung as fast as I could and to stay with him, but when I reached it, no one was there. I sat on the sofa and waited for them .. I waited the whole break .. but they never came. I felt odd and wondered if something bad had happened, or maybe they just never came to school on Mondays ? Yes, it was better to think this way. I spent my day juggling between my classrooms and the basement. After my last course, I decided to wait at the basement again. Even if he didn’t go to his courses, Yongguk-hyung must come at least to do his daily evening duty. On my way to the basement, two boys hustled me and trapped me in a deserted hallway.

" I don’t know what you did for Yongguk-sunbaenim to accept you in his band, but we do not approve of you and will never. We’re not afraid of you, you have nothing to do in Yongguk-sunbaenim’s band. " The first one said pinning me against a locker.

" He must have done some BJ to them ! With a cute face like his, there’s not really other solutions ! " the second one laughed, approaching his face closer to mine, watching me in the eyes.

" How much do you cost for a blowjob ? " The first one laughed with his friend.

I felt lost and didn’t understand anything to their conversation. Why would I need their approval to be in Yongguk-hyung’s band, it wasn’t like it was them to decide that sort of thing, and I wasn’t the one to embed myself in the group, it was Yongguk-hyung who had - sort of - invited me in. I wasn’t even paying attention to what they were saying, but got interested in hearing the words ‘cost’ and ‘job’. Would they give me money if I did what they asked me ? They thought I would have done this to Yongguk-hyung and his band, so it mustn’t be something that horrible. I didn’t know what I had to do but I needed money and they were wealthy people … ” For you it will be 100 000 ₩ ! “  I said cutting them and watching back in his eyes the one in front me, I was determined to earn money by all the way I could and I showed it. They remained silent a moment with a stupid look on their stupid faces, and I wondered if I asked for too much …

" You’re serious ?

– It’s not a big matter anyway … if you don’t want .. ” I started to move away from their hands but they caught me back, pushing me into the locker while the other took out four 50 000 ₩ bills and my eyes shone at the view, it was the first time I saw a bill like one, so four at the same time .. it was incredible students had bills like that in their pockets .. I tried to take it but he raised his hand in the air out of my reach. He was pretty taller than me.

" After we’re done with you.

– Follow us. ” They ordered me releasing me and started walking away. I followed them calmly until we reached the bathroom, I didn’t know why I couldn’t do what they wanted me to do in the corridors, but I didn’t mind. After all it was their tastes and they were the ones to pay. I stood there, the two of them hovering me with their tall heights and surrounding me. I was excited I found a job that fast and moreover one I could do at school !

When we entered in the restroom, they closed the door behind them and came near me. The one in front me put his hand on my shoulder ” on your knees. ” he said/ordered forcing my shoulder down pushing it down. Once on my knees, I was right in front his lower region and I looked up at him wondering what I should do next. He put one hand on my head and with his other one, he unzipped his pants. He was taking out his dick when the door burst open and I looked at the intruders : Jongup-hyung and Himchan-hyung. I smiled brightly to them, happy to see that they were actually at school and the first thing I thought about was that Yongguk-hyung must be with them. But he wasn’t, and it’s only after I checked if he was here that I noticed Jongup-hyung and Himchan-hyung’s expressions .. they looked furious. They had a scary look on their faces and I felt scared for a moment. They were looking at the two guys with me who didn’t dare to say a word, frozen in place. Then Himchan-hyung looked at me : ” What do you think you are doing right now Junhong-ah ? ” he asked me, his voice strangely calm compared to the look on his face. From the corner of my eyes, I noticed the two guys had turned white.

" A blow job !! " I said proudly but my answer didn’t seemed to please him .. not at all .. He came near us and grabbed the boy’s hand that was on my head, I heard the boy whimpering from the pressure of Himchan-hyung’s wrist and I saw his hand turning white. I didn’t have more time to examine the scenery because of Jongup-hyung who had grabbed me by my sweat’s hood, forcing me on my feet and strangling me in the same way. He dragged me to the exit by my hood and literally threw me out " Go to the basement. " he said firmly and closed the door in my face. I stayed stunned a moment before I walked to where I had been told to wondering if my blow job went well and when the two boys would give me my money …

Entering the basement, the first thing I did was taking an orange juice from the fridge then I sat on the couch. I had some time to myself again and I wondered if I shall tell Yongguk-hyung about my money problems. Maybe he could help me, well of course he had the money to help me, but would he  _want_  to was another question, and then I could just pay him back later. I could do blow job for him to after all, it wasn’t like it was a difficult job and I wondered why my parents hadn’t thought about it… but could I tell him about my parents’ financial issues ? Would he doubt I wasn’t one of the rich kids type ? Yongguk-hyung was smart and I’m sure he would find out that I was here because my mother asked the director to lower the price for us .. then what would he think about me ? Would he still accept me ? Or I could just tell him that my father’s company was in a rough patch right now but that it would be back to normal soon .. and that I would pay him back at that moment. While waiting for my father to get back a decent job, I could do many blow jobs so I would have enough to pay back Yongguk-hyung on my own … yes, that plan sounded good. It was what I would tell him.

Speaking of the wolf.

When he entered the basement, he watched me surprised that I was still here. I smiled brightly to him happy to see him. ” Hyung ! I didn’t see you throughout the day so I decided to wait for you here. ” He approached me with a strange look in his eyes and he sat next me on the sofa.

" I’m sorry I made you wait. " as he spoke I could smell the strong alcohol coming from his mouth, I made a face at the disgusting scent, I felt like drinking alcohol just by smelling the air around him. He put his hand my cheek and caresses it with his thumb.

" Hyung ? " He didn’t answer me and kept observing me as if it was the first time he saw me. He had his left arm on the sofa backrest behind me and his right hand came to my hair.

" I like your hair .. it looks like ramyun … " and he held softly a strand of my curly hair to smell it.

" I will make a ramyun shampoo so it’ll really look like and smell like ramyun. " I laughed.

" Then I will eat you. " He smiled but yet, he had said it in a way, I wasn’t sure to understand well what he had meant by that. I chuckled at how weird this conversation was and I wondered if he was very drunk or just a bit. His hand came back to my cheek and he pecked my other cheek. I looked at him surprised and blushing a deep red.

" Hyung ? What are you doing ?

– I kissed your cheek. Why ? You didn’t like it ?

–  .. n-no .. I .. I did .. like it .. ” I managed to stutter loud enough for him to hear, watching my hands holding my knees tight. I heard him chuckle and his hand went down my neck. He kissed my cheek again, but this time he let his lips on my skin and I couldn’t move. His other arm came in my back and he grabbed me by my side pulling me closer to him. I was staring at the black turned off screens in front me as I felt the hand that was on my neck, going down on my chest until my baby jelly. He slipped his hand under my shirt and moved it up to caress my chest. I felt weird when his long fingers brushed my nipples and I started to feel more and more uneasy. I put one hand on his chest and grabbed his arm with other hand, I tried to push him away but his hand that was holding my side prevented me to move further away. ” H-hyung .. can you stop ? I .. I do not .. very like this .. ” He shushed me, his lips coming to my ear.

" Have I ever harmed you ? " his hot breath in my ear me feel weirder .. a very weird feeling, my insides were twirling like crazy.

" … n-no .. you never .. " I turned my face to look at him, I wanted to see his eyes. He was watching me, his eyes digging holes in my soul and I felt something different coming from him. He usually was caring and I always felt safe whenever I watched him in his eyes, but this time I didn’t feel safe. On the contrary, I felt more in danger and I was suddenly afraid he would hit me if I didn’t do what he wanted me to. The look in his eyes was scaring me.

" Do you trust me ? " our faces were so close to each other, I could feel his breath on my lips. When he asked me that question, his hand on my chest, went down to my pants and he made a pressure there. I startled and squirmed a bit, trying to move my crotch away from his hand. It didn’t hurt, but it was something I had never felt and it was somehow scary.

" Y-yes .. I trust you Hyung .. " I answered breathlessly and I couldn’t close my lips after as I watched his coming nearer to mine .. until ..

BAM !

The door burst open and the two of us looked at the newcomer. It was Himchan-hyung and he looked still as angry as earlier. He blinked to the position Yongguk-hyung and I were in. It sure should be a weird thing to see when entering the basement but it didn’t seem to disturb Yongguk-hyung as he let his hand on my crotch, which was where Himchan-hyung had his eyes on now. ” What do you think you are doing right now Bang ? ” Himchan-hyung asked him as if he was scolding him, it wasn’t all the time he called him only by his family name. Did it meant that what Hyung was doing to me was a bad thing ?

" What does it looks like I’m doing right now ? " Yongguk-hyung asked him back with a smirk on his face.

" … ahh.. Junhong-ah .. why do you always put yourself into those weird situations ? " Himchan-hyung sighed and Yongguk-hyung turned his face to me.

" Ehh .. so your name is Junhong-ah ? "

I felt my heart missing a beat and sink into abyss. How could he ? We just spent the whole past week together. Did he really not remember my name ?

_" I won’t forget._ _”_

What a liar .. I felt the tears coming to my eyes and Yongguk-hyung was simply staring at me like he just really learned my name .. Himchan-hyung came nearer again and snatched me away from Yongguk-hyung’s hold. ” You better leave this boy alone before your brother came here .. ” He threatened Yongguk-hyung .. a brother ? Yongguk-hyung had a brother ? He never told me .. well though .. he rarely spoke about his family .. I didn’t know that much about Hyung’s life besides school life..

" Speaking of .. where is Guk ? " Yongguk-hyung asked and it’s at that moment I was lost in the conversation .. what ? Guk ? Why did he just ask where he was ? Was he really that drunk ? Or did he go crazy ? Developing a multiple personality ?

" He was with Daehyun and Youngjae .. I don’t know when he’s going to come back .. " Himchan-hyung answered the crazy Yongguk-hyung. Did he go crazy too ? Would I be the next ? I didn’t understand anything anymore as I felt myself becoming crazy .. it was really contagious. Yongguk-hyung chuckled seeing the madness I was falling into and he stood up to come near us. I felt Himchan-hyung’s arm tightening around me as if he wanted to protect me from Yongguk-hyung, who reached his hand toward me for me to shake it. He was eye-smiling to me and I blinked at him.

" Nice to meet you Junhong-ah. I’m Yongguk’s brother. Bang Yong Nam. Please call me Hyung too. "


	19. Like kids

** HIMCHAN POINT OF VIEW **

We left the bar and our poor depressive Yongguk between Daehyun and Youngjae’s hands, even if they were fools, I know I can trust them whenever I need them for that kind of stuff. Sure, I preferred to stay with my best friend rather than going back to school, but we had to have at least one of us in the school and I didn’t trust those two fools enough to let them take care of the school. They were good enough to support Yongguk when he needed us by his sides, but letting them take care of the school and let the same thing as this morning happen again. It always got on my nerves whenever Daehyun didn’t want to tell us what had happened, even if he didn’t know the details, I was sure that at least he had a slight idea of what could have happened. I was Yongguk’s best friend after all, I had the right to know ! Without knowing what happened, I could only imagine, because it was something rare to put him in that state and the last I had saw him like that was when  **that**  happened. He had hard time to deal with it back in time .. and Daehyun who thought he knew the whole story .. No one really knew …

When we reached the school with Jongup, we barely had the time to walk in the corridors when we saw Junhong being surrounded by two guys. He didn’t look like he was being bullied, he was smiling and looked quite happy but what bothered me was the look the two guys were wearing, it didn’t inspire me any trust, and not only me but to whoever had enough common sense. I didn’t even need to look at Jongup, I knew he was watching the same thing as me and without a word we followed them from afar, just to make sure Junhong was safe. We saw them entering the bathroom and closing the door behind them. “I have a bad feeling about this … ” Jongup let me know and I answered him a simple ” let’s go. “

We burst in after I kicked the door open, it had always its little effect and we could surprise them. Except that this time, the one to be the most surprised was me, Junhong was kneeling in front one of the two guy, ready to suck his dick as that last one had his hands on his head to prevent him from moving away. What surprised me wasn’t the position they were in - because of how suspicious the two guys had looked earlier - but the look on Junhong’s face. That he was doing this willingly. I saw red and I think Jongup too. In the school rules - that weren’t really in the rules but mostly the ones you needed to follow if you didn’t want to have problem with Yongguk - there was this one which was : not to touch (even an inch) Yongguk’s adopted little brother, and if you wanted to make sure nothing would happen to you, you better not look at him. I glanced at Junhong who was smiling brightly to us and that’s when I realized he himself didn’t know what he was about to do.

" What do you think you are doing right now Junhong-ah ? " I asked him, trying not to let my anger make my voice shaking, but still to remain impressive enough to scare the shit out of those two sons of a bitch.

" A blowjob ! " He answered me proudly.

… or maybe he was, but here wasn’t the question. It was too much for me. I knew Junhong was too innocent to know such a word. I approached them and grabbed the boy’s arm to make him release Junhong’s head. I tightened my grip but not too strong to not scare Junhong, so he wouldn’t think we were violent.. Of course we were but Yongguk didn’t want him to be scared of us, so the less he saw our bad sides, the better it was. He was becoming more at ease with us and it wasn’t the moment to fuck everything up. The boy whimpered a bit and I saw the worried glance Junhong sent him, probably wondering how much I was hurting him .. if only he knew.. I was cursing at the boy, because of him Junhong started to analyze the scene, fortunately Jongup was always here to save me from the shit I was in. He grabbed Yongguk’s boy by his sweater and threw him out of the restroom, ordering him to go wait for us at the basement before closing the door.

I released the boy I was holding and kicked him in his stomach, making him bump into the wall behind him before falling down on his ass. I watched him disgusted .. he was so weak and yet acted like he was one of the tough guys. ” What did you tell him ? ” I hissed between my teeth, I couldn’t contain myself anymore, letting out all my previous frustration I did had for not knowing what had put my best friend in such a state, and now this. If Yongguk got to know .. no, I preferred to not think about what state it would put him in. ” Nothing- ” I kicked the boy in his face before he could add anything more. The first word he did pronounce hadn’t please me. He was now leaning on the floor, his back pressed against the wall and his nose bleeding. I must have broken it but I didn’t care about such small thing. I knelled down next him and grabbed him by his collar, pulling him up so his face would be in front mine. He was that weak, only two hits and he couldn’t support himself already.

" Don’t even think about lying to me ! When I ask you something don’t tell me  _nothing_  either ! What . did . you . tell . him ?

– That the only way for him to integrate Yongguk-sunbaenim’s band was for him to suck each one of you. “

Of course I punched him after, even if he told me the truth. I hit him one time again and several times again after this. I stopped when he was near to pass out.

" Why he is in our band is none of your business !! Don’t ever think to touch him ! To talk to him ! Not even to look at him again ! Am I clear enough ? " He nodded in answer, probably too numbed to pronounce any word. " Let the school be aware of this ! If one of you ever attempt anything on Junhong, we will know it .. and that time .. I won’t be as easy as I just was on you. You’ll wish that you were never born. Understand ?! " He nodded again and I released him, letting him fall on the ground. I turned to Jongup who had been busy with the second one and that’s when I realized how sweet I had been with mine. I put a hand on his shoulder, making him stop on his way to re-do the guy’s face. "Junhong will surely wait for Yongguk until he comes back .. seeing how it went .. Guk will certainly come back drunk .. I’m worried about what can happen to Junhong ..

– I’ll take care of those two. You go see Junhong and tell him it’s no use to wait for Yongguk-hyung. He must go home before he run into Hyung. ” Jongup answered me with his soft and sweet voice, I nodded squeezing his shoulder and exited the restroom, leaving Jongup  _taking care_  of the two guys.

I was still in my fury mode when I reached the basement, Junhong too needed to be taught a lesson or two. What was he thinking seriously ? Following those two bastards to the restroom without even trying to fight back ? Didn’t he have already suffered enough from his previous bully ? It wasn’t like he didn’t know anything about this ! Or maybe he had been hit too much and didn’t dare to say anything anymore ? And the ways he had answered me … what was that ? Did those two assholes had tell him what a blowjob was ? Was he thinking of himself as a whore ? So it was what he was thinking about himself ? But now he was in our band he needed to think better of himself or we would have some problems … For the second time in only one day, I kicked the door open but stopped on my way. Shit. Was I too late ? Junhong was sitting on the couch with Yongguk’s hand on his crotch. They looked at me and that’s when I recognized him … Nam. I sighed mentally. When it wasn’t with one it had to be with the other. Please .. give me a break.

" Nice to meet you Junhong-ah. I’m Yongguk’s brother. Bang Yong Nam. Please call me Hyung too. "

Junhong shook his hand shyly but I guess he still needed some time to process the things that were happening. Now that I was sure Junhong was aware the guy in front him wasn’t his Hyung, I released him. ” Where were you gone all this time ? ” I completely forgot about the lesson I was supposed to teach Junhong and asked Yongnam, he always leaves without a word and disappears for days and even for months without giving any news.

" Somewhere … " he smirked to me. God, I hated his answers. I didn’t know what was the worst, Yongguk’s silence or Yongnam’s captain obvious attitude. Yet, I kept asking him, who knows .. maybe he would let one information past his defense.

" What were you doing ?

– Something … ” Or maybe he wouldn’t. I kicked the coffee table in front me, breaking it.

" Stop your fucking bullshit Bang !

– I went somewhere to do something for Gukkie. Now you know everything you want to know and you don’t  **need**  more.. ” he glanced to the scared boy between us who was avoiding to look at me. Fuck, I forgot how much he could be a scaredy cat. I hope it was the reason as why Yongnam didn’t want to tell me anything.

" Go home Junhong-ah.

– B-but…

– You shouldn’t be here right now, so go home.

– I’m waiting Yongguk-hyung …

– GET OUT OF HERE ! NOW ! ” I started to loose patience, today’s events plus the fact he was trying to defy my hyung authority. Junhong’s scared eyes widened even more and the second after he was running away.

" Don’t be rude with the kid, Chan .. " Yongnam scolded me lightly once Junhong was gone.

" You shut up ! Yongguk has a special liking for this kid ! What will he think when he will hear about what you were doing with him?

– Nothing.

– What ?

– Because Gukkie will never hear about it.. ” He said approaching me, slowly like a predator getting near his prey.

" … No Nam! Don’t think I’ll remain silent !

– You will have to.

– And why that ?

– Because it would only hurt Guk to know, and you don’t want him to suffer.

– How can you hide things from your twin ?! ” I was outraged but he simply laughed approaching me again, until he was standing right in front me.

" I can’t Chan .. he will know .. but not now..

– You .. why were you trying to rape him ?

– I thought he was just some toy .. so I played with him a bit .. Every toy that belongs to Gukkie belongs to me .. you know well about this right ? Channie .. ” He held me by my chin, caressing it with his thumb.

" Well .. he’s not just  _some toy_  ! ” I slapped his hand away and started to pick up the broken pieces of the coffee table.

" .. and now I’m aware of it, I won’t touch him ever .. because he’s like a little brother to me .. " I glared annoyed at him, I was speechless .. " You were so mean to him .. I don’t think it will please Gukkie when he will hear about it .. " he chuckled.

" #@!? SHUT UP ! and tell me where you were !!

– …

– Naaaaam..

– You don’t know what you want Channie ! You tell me to shut up and then to tell you everything .. ” I sighed. What you wanted me to answer him when he was like this ? He was a mix of Yongguk’s silence and Youngjae smart ass answers style. ” I can’t do both at the same time ! ” so I decided to keep picking up the broken pieces in silence. ” Because  _shut up_ and  _tell_ are quite contradictory …

– …

– You should have said  _shut up **then**  tell me _! ” This was really too much for me, I threw what I had in my hands to his face and he laughed catching it easily and throwing it back to me. We started fighting … the same way we used to do when we were kids.


	20. I don't care

** DAEHYUN POINT OF VIEW **

We ran after Yongguk-hyung when he left the bar and we followed him until we reached the school. Even in his drunken state he walked all the way from downtown to MAMA, sure it had helped him to get rid of some alcohol he had in his system but yet we couldn’t let him by himself. It didn’t take him that long to find someone to fuck. He had plenty of fan girls - boys too, but he had never really been interested in boys - he chose one from the cheerleaders’ team, at least she looked like one …

With Youngjae, we kept following him and I having to climb three floors in that state made me think that we seriously should think about installing elevators. They entered the nurse office, she was never here on Mondays saying that it was her formation day, but we all knew it was the only day she could spent with her boyfriend. It would be unacceptable that such a reputed school had a day without the chief nurse but the director let her, no one wondered what she did for him to let her do so … Even with all her efforts the director hadn’t wanted until Yongguk-hyung interfered, of course he hadn’t taken the nurse’s defense for her, but what interested him was to get the infirmary reserved for his  _personal use_  when she wouldn’t be here. Only because the beds there were more comfortable than the couch in our basement. I stopped in front the doors but Youngjae was pushing me in my back.

" What are you waiting for ?

– Wh-what ? Are you serious ? You want to go in ?

– Of course ! He needs us !!

– Yes .. he needs us, but I don’t think he does for that kind of thing ..

– Yes ! He does ! ” and Youngjae pushed me. I had turned to face him so I bumped into the door behind me, bursting it open and falling on my back in the room. The girl screamed and Yongguk-hyung glanced at us before returning to his business. I wiped my forehead as we were really lucky that he hadn’t got angry after us, not that he was too drunk for that - on the contrary - but what he had lived earlier with that woman must have really undermined him. The girl was on her knees, her head in between Hyung’s legs and he grabbed her by her hair, trying to make her back to what she was supposed to do.

" What ? But they won’t stay ! Will they ?!

– Of course we will ! ” Youngjae blurred out in her direction grabbing me under my armpit and putting me back on my feet, just for in the end leaning on me, because himself had hard time to stay straight on his two legs. He pushed me - leaned more and more on me - until I reached the bed facing Hyung’s one and he sat next me, ready to enjoy the show. The girl tried anew to contest but this time Yongguk-hyung took the command.

" Shh.. it’s okay. " He simply said, pulling on her head more and more until she took his erected cock fully in her mouth, sure he wasn’t her first and wouldn’t be her last either. I didn’t really want to witness that so I watched everywhere but the bed in front me, that’s how, at a time, my eyes landed on Youngjae’s crotch and I noticed the bulge in his pants that was growing bigger at each moan we heard. This vision was less bearable than the one in front me, so I watched at the other side, where there was absolutely nothing to see, exactly what I needed right now. Eventually … hearing Yongguk-hyung’s moans and the sucking sounds without seeing the thing was actually even worse. Great. I was in a room with a moaning Hyung and a turned on Youngjae. I stared hard at the window, wishing that only with the strength of my mind I would be able to teleport outside, out of that room and this fucked up situation.

I felt the mattress stir and I was forced to look at Youngjae just to see him moving away toward the door, ” stay here and keep an eye on Hyung. I’ll come back. ” He said and before I was able to say anything, he was out and probably far already. What the fuck ?  **Keeping an eye ?** I didn’t want to keep anything and even less an eye on them !! Yet, I was now alone with the two about to fuck. I swear on my mom’s poor soul that I will kill him when he is back. From the corner of my eye I saw Yongguk-hyung coming in the girl’s mouth and her being unable to swallow everything so a bit of cum was dropping down her jaw. It spilled out and her chin and neck were covered with Hyung’s cum … I just wished I would have never witness that … As crazy as it could be … well, not that crazy because I was human after all, so it was only natural I started feeling lust taking control of my body. The bulge in my pants was fast growing too much that it was tightly bound in my tight slims. Damn that woman .. I shall remember to never let her choose my clothes for me.

Yongguk-hyung leaned the girl next to him on the mattress and hovered her as she was leaning on her back, he removed her shirt and that’s how I noticed she hadn’t any bra on, he straddled her and grabbing her breast he started tit fucking her. She put her hands hover his and tightened the hold it was making on Hyung’s cock, he moved faster and was now groani-WHAAT THE FUCK AM I DOING ?!!! I removed my eyes from them and stared back at the door. I moved my hands out of my pants. It must be because of the alcohol … It was at that moment that Youngjae came back, with a girl.

" She ships us.. " he said proudly but I remained silent with a poker face. I had no idea what it meant but I wasn’t about to give him the pleasure to explain it to me. It wasn’t really important after all. I shrugged and looked at the girl. She was quite cute but with nothing more than just that, she approached me with a smile but I didn’t give it back to her. She hadn’t that much to do as my belt was already unbuckled and my pants unzipped. She pulled down my boxer and freed my dick, god it felt good. Finally. I closed my eyes at the nice feeling of her tongue running up and down my length, then she decided to take me in her mouth and bobbed her head, trying to take more of my dick each time she moved down it.

At some point, she started to moan a different way she was at the start and the vibrations it sent me were overwhelming. I opened my eyes to see what pleased her that much as I wasn’t touching her at all, if she wanted to feel pleasure she would have to do it herself, but someone was already doing it for her. I saw Youngjae fucking her, pounding hard. He had her waist in his two hands and biting his lower lip, he always did that when he was concentrated on something. I liked the view I had in front me, how much would I give to bite that lip instead of him, I grabbed the girl’s hair in my two fists and I adapted my thrusts to Youngjae’s ones, so we had the same rhythm and I pleased myself to think we were doing it together. I moaned and my vision got blurred because of the pleasure, even if this time it was more visual than physical. I liked the view and I mostly liked the face he did when he came into her, I did all I could to cum at same time as him, which wasn’t really hard to do.

Once we were done, we sent her away and Youngjae let himself fall on his beck on the mattress next me. It was really weird, I didn’t feel like I just got sucked by a girl, but more like I just made love with Youngjae. I had to confess I liked that idea more but I couldn’t tell him. I was just happy he never disagreed to share a girl with me, I always followed him into whatever crazy thing he did and I rarely regretted it. After all, as long as I was with him, the rest didn’t matter.

Now we had got rid of all that lust, I didn’t feel embarrassed anymore to look at Yongguk-hyung who liked to take his time, or I would more say to wear out whoever he was always fucking. ” Too bad we don’t have any popcorn … ” I commented to Youngjae who nodded and Yongguk-hyung chuckled while the girl blushed a crimson red. It was like watching live porn. I wasn’t sure if she was screaming from pleasure or from pain and it wasn’t important. What really mattered was that Yongguk-hyung needed to release his stress and that we were by his side to support him. Youngjae was commenting the girl’s default as he always does so well and I couldn’t not laugh at everything he said. Youngjae was really funny and really good to cheer up someone. He commented how she should do for Hyung to be more pleased etc, etc…

When Yongguk-hyung was done with her, Youngjae said it wouldn’t surprise him if Hyung never wanted to have sex with her again in the future, because of how rubbish she was. She sent him death glares as she got dressed up and in the end, she was crying when she ran away. ” Thanks.. ” Yongguk-hyung chuckled watching her and he leaned on the mattress lightening a cigarette. He was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He always asked us to take care of his one night girlfriends, it wasn’t really complicated. We just had to go talk to her harshly so in the end she would feel too ashamed to contact Hyung ever again. Girls were really easy to influence when it was about them fucking badly with guys like Hyung, and this way, they never bothered him. She wouldn’t hate him nor us, but herself as we made her believe it was her own fault. It wasn’t a nice thing ? Sure, go tell that to someone who cares.

" Are you okay now Hyung ? " Youngjae asked worriedly, his tone way too much different from few seconds ago when he was arguing with the girl. He just looked like a lost puppy right at the moment.

" A bit better … " he stayed silence a moment, breathing his cigarette before he talked again, " I’m glad you’re here with me. " His bottom lip trembled and his eyes got wet really fast. " I don’t deserve people like you. " We remained silent, eyeing each other not knowing how to react, while Hyung was crying silently. He never cried before, at least, never in front us, which explained why we were a bit shocked.

" Don’t say things like that Hyung. " Youngjae’s voice was shaking and I rolled my eyes at how emotional he was, whenever he was drunk or sees someone he cared about crying he would want to cry too. Pretty stupid right ?

" I’m the worst … she’s right …

– She … ?

– What did she said ? ” I asked and glanced at Youngjae, he was way too curious but since the time I knew him, I knew I would never be able to change that into him. That was the reason - I always tried to convince myself it was because of that - that I had to stick with him. Whenever he would get too curious I would be here to take care of the matter. It was never good to be too curious and I had learned that the hard way. Youngjae tended to look after other’s affairs a bit too much and no matter how many times he got into problems because of that, he still continued to care.

" That I’m Satan’s son … that I will bring the apocalypse on Earth … "We remained silent and I still managed to hold back my laugh a few seconds. Youngjae nudged me to make me stop but I couldn’t. Yongguk-hyung was so strong, both physically and mentally, and yet he believed something as trivial as  **that**. That was just too much and the situation was just too stupid for me.

" That’s bullshit ! " I laughed and Hyung glared to me. Sure, he knew well how to be scary, even for me, but right now he needed me to be as strong as him and even more. He was this down, I had to pull him up so he would be back to his self. " How can you believe some bullshit from a slut ? " I asked him and at this point I knew he would agree with me, even in his actual state. He simply leaned back on the mattress and stared at the ceiling again. While this time, Youngjae was staring at me, as if it would make me talk, "  _which slut ? what’s that story ?_ " he mouthed to me so Yongguk-hyung wouldn’t hear him but I sent him the  _it-is-none-of-our-business_  look, and he dropped it. Sometime he could get things out of me, except when I had my lips sealed over some subject which were about work, familial issues I mean, and he was far to be stupid and ask more.. for the moment.

" Even if you were Satan’s son, I would remain by your side, because I love you Hyung. Himchan loves you. Jongup loves you. Daehyun loves you too, even if he denies it all the time, you know he respects you more than each one of us. " I blushed at Youngjae’s comment, of course it was true, but it was always .. embarrassing to hear it said out loud like this. " And more recently, Junhong too loves you. " He said and when he finished, Yongguk-hyung crashed his cigarette on the ground and stood up ready to leave. Youngjae was watching him with his puppy’s eyes, silently begging him to be back soon to the strong Yongguk-hyung that we all knew.

Hyung smiled softly to him and he came in front him. He grabbed his chin gently and kissed him on his lips, I watched the two of them closing their eyes as their lips came in contact, tears falling down their faces. Hyung was the one to break the kiss and I felt a bit jealous that Youngjae looked so needy of him, he put his forehead on Youngjae’s and they watched each other in their eyes. I had never felt as left out as right now and I was only a few centimeters away from them. They looked like they were talking by telepathy which was something that wouldn’t surprise me if they really were. Youngjae was that brilliant, I was sure his brain allowed him to do things the common mortals couldn’t. If it had been someone else than Hyung, I sure would have already killed him, but in the end, I didn’t feel that jealous. Because it wasn’t a love kiss .. not the kind of love that would make me feel jealous.

When Hyung released Youngjae, he turned to me and he did the same thing. I remained still and I had swore to myself I wouldn’t cry. What I hadn’t expected was that the kiss was full of feelings and his lips so soft. Thankfulness. That was the message he was passing to us at the moment. Why was he feeling thankful for his friends to be by his sides ? Wasn’t it normal for friend to stuck together, even more when the times were hard ? I closed my eyes and let those stupid tears run down my cheeks .. when he put his forehead on mine, I plunged my eyes in his and I felt glad I had superpowers too. His eyes were clearly saying : ” thank you Daehyun, for being my friend. ” Stupid if you want my opinion. If I was his friend was because I liked to be, no need to thank me for something that I liked to. Me too I wanted to thank him.

He took the two of us in his arms, pulling us into a tight hug and he squeezed us quite hard, but we didn’t complain, not even a bit. Hyung released us and left the room, usually Youngjae would bother me asking to follow him everywhere he want, but the two of us knew. He wanted to be alone now. I walked Youngjae to his apartment and we stayed quiet the whole way to there. No words needed to be said, because everything had been already  _said_  in Yongguk-hyung’s kiss and hug.

Maybe he was the Devil’s son and I would enjoy the apocalypse he will bring, because I didn’t care.


	21. Twins

** HIMCHAN POINT OF VIEW **

I had came to fists with Nam when Guk entered. I was leaned on the floor Nam riding me, the two of us had still our respective shirt on but our pants were gone since a moment already, socks were on our hands. It wasn’t the first time we ended in that sort of weird position, which could give ideas to whoever would walk on us at that time precisely. But Guk was used to our ‘fights’ and even to worst and more embarrassing than simply this… Guk sighed and sat on his chair in front of his screens before turning it on. I was watching him when Nam let go of me and walked to him. He back hugged him and plunged his face in his twin’s neck.

" When did you come back ? " Guk asked, not moving an inch and his eyes still on his screens.

" This morning.

— Did you find her ?

— Yes. 

— Find who ? ” I asked Nam but none of the two answered me and even bored themselves to look at me, I even wondered if they heard me as they kept talking together.

" Where ?

— In Japan.

— So you were in Japan… ” I said mostly for myself as they were ignoring me, I was kind of used by now to talk out my thoughts when I was left  _alone_  with those two.

" She’s dead Yongguk. " It was rare for Nam to call his brother by his full name, it only happened when he was damn serious which was quite a rare thing to see. He always took everything so lightly. Guk put his hands on his face to rub it. Nam tightened his grip on his twin as he started to kiss his neck whispering comforting words. I sat on the couch waiting for the two to be aware of my presence. Sometimes it happens with twins, their bond is just something no one could break nor understand, even less to get in between. I knew it wasn’t against me, but I couldn’t help but hate being the fifth wheel. There weren’t place for me in their world and I knew it so damn well.

I knew it since our childhood. Already back in time, there was this big secret they didn’t want to share with anyone. I thought back at the time when our families became close, well their dad became close to my parents… I had never met their mother…I looked up at them slowly understanding. ” I’m sorry for your mother. ” I don’t even know why I apologized but I did, they looked so sad but were trying to hide it. They were always good at hiding their feelings so it was really hard to understand them, but little by little, it was impossible for someone to always be strong without any breakdowns. Mostly in this kind of situation. They had never cried over anyone’s deaths and only god knew how much they had saw, I believed they never understood what it really meant. For someone to disappear from the surface of the world. But as they were crying now… I guess I was wrong. Since she left, they had dreamed every day to meet her again, it was the only reason which had kept them  **sane** for this long. I knew it even if they never talked about her, if they were as near to their mother as I was to mine, they must be feeling terribly empty right now. Emptiness filling their soul.

They finally looked back at me and came to join me on the couch. Each one of them on each side of me, they both hugged me. I wasn’t really the skinship type, I hated being sandwiched, mostly when it was between those two. It just would give Nam bad ideas, as always. It didn’t sound like he had just learned about the death of his mother and Guk always simply followed his older brother … most of the time. Most of  **those**  times.

" Channie-ah, I want to play… "

Just like I just said.

" Play with us Channie … Like when we were children. "

I hated this. My body tensed as their hands started to caress my back and I couldn’t move anymore.

_**FLASHBACK** _

> HIMCHAN : 6 YEARS OLD  
> YONGGUK : 6 YEARS OLD  
> YONGNAM : 6 YEARS OLD

" Cherry Channie~ You should go out… look at all this snow, it’s really beautiful !! " My mom cheered loudly opening wide my window’s curtains, letting the blinding light -which was probably that bright probably because of reflecting on the white snow outside- in my room, forcing me to pull up my blanket over my head to protect my too young eyes, I couldn’t start getting bad sight since I was still really young. I’d like to wait a little before wearing glasses, but my mother was so carefree, she probably didn’t think about it. " Don’t you want to play with your friends ? " she attempted somehow to get me out of my room, first with the light and now tugging on my blanket, trying to remove it so I would die from cold in my own bed.

" I do not have friends… " I mumbled back to her somewhere from under my blanket, holding tight and clinging on it, like my life depended about the fact I would be able to win that blanket fight against my mother - and it did !!

" Kim ! Him ! Chan ! You go out now and you’ll make friends !

– I don’t wanna !

– I taught you to talk better !

– I don’t want to !

– If you don’t play with other kids how will you make friends ?

– Who said I wanted friend ?!

– Everybody wants !

– Not me ! I don’t need friends ! ”

One hour later I was outside. My mother had told the guards to not let me back in before she would be back from shopping. They looked at me sadly, somehow pitying me, but I didn’t need them to. Whether they opened the door to me, or they just leave. I felt annoyed as they didn’t want to move, they said it was to keep an eye on me. Those dumbasses… I moved to another place where I wouldn’t see their stupid faces anymore. I sat on the sidewalk waiting for my mother to come back, but soon others kids were in front of me throwing me snowball with pebble in it. They hated me because I was smarter and wealthier than them. But they were stronger. And stronger kids don’t like to be something less than someone weaker than them. The guards who happened to pass by at that moment didn’t help me thinking I was playing with them. I ran as fast as I could to escape but they ran after me.

I kept running. I stopped when I felt there weren’t anyone behind me, I turned round and saw them while they were watching me from afar.

" Hey ! Princess ! Do you know where you are ? " my bullies shouted to me.

I looked at my feet and I saw ice. Shit. I had forgot this winter had been pretty cold and that the Lake was frozen, I was in the middle of it, my bullies had let me run a moment on it. But I could see from the little cracks around my feet that it wasn’t as frozen as it looked and it would break from one second to another, I would pass through, never find back the hole and die drown. I thought back at this morning when I had told to my mother I didn’t want to go out today. I must have followed my instinct.

While my eyes were stuck on the cracks getting bigger, I saw my short life flashed before my eyes. Then I saw twins. I had never met twins in my life. I looked closely before I realized they were real and under my feet. Under the ice. Hitting on it for their life. For the first time of my life I stopped thinking of myself and I just wanted to save them so bad. I kicked the ice with my feet as strong as I could.

" Hey ! Stop it ! Do you really want to die ? " my bullies shouted to me.

Were they caring for me ? Or afraid they would be blamed for my death ? No ! Stop thinking about me I needed to save the twins.

" There’s someone under the ice ! Call someone please ! " I shouted back to them and in a last attempt I jumped on the ice.

It cracked and I passed through. But before I could sink further in the cold water two arms grabbed me by my sides and brought me to the surface. I breathed hard, the cold air killing my throat. I hadn’t time to process things that were happening around me, Then I passed out.

❄

When I woke up I was in a big bed and two angels were bending over watching me. They were so beautiful.

" Am I dead ? "

They looked at each other without answering me and simply looked back at me, looking at me as if I was crazy.

" You were… " the one on the right started, " …but we brought you to life. " and the left one ended.

" … YAH ! YOU THINK I’M STUPID ?

— It’s you who asked if you were dead.

— I THOUGHT YOU WERE ANGELS ! ”

They looked each other once again and this time, they looked back at me with the same smirk on their two stupid faces.

" We are. "

I sighed before exploding.

" ANGELS DO NOT TALK ! "

_**END FLASHBACK** _

I hated when they were like this with me, I had just accepted to play with them because they always beaten the shit out of my bullies and protected me. When I entered middle school I was tired for people to be after me because I was the weaker, I was fed up of always wait for them to protect me so I started to learn kick boxing in memory of the day I saved the life of twin kids with the force of my legs. They said to everyone I was an angel and people must not touch me. That time I thought it was cute but now I understand they were just possessive. And they were still as much almost ten years later. 

I stood up before they could do anything more than they already did, I turned back and I glared to them, to their stupid smirks on their stupid faces. 

" You remember the first day we met ? " I asked hoping they would be in a good mood enough after touching me to mind answer my question.

" Yeah… why Angels wouldn’t talk ? " Nam asked me, his arm around Guk’s neck as he pulled him against him.

" Because if they did, it wouldn’t be paradise…" I sighed, he knew I hated when people asked stupid questions, "paradise is a calm place to- " I stopped and they sniggered together, holding on each other, peeking at me from the corner of their eyes. I hated them. I hated their smirks but I remained calm. " I’m talking about the lake incident. " Their smirks disappeared but they were still watching me. Now I had their full attention. " Why were you under the ice ? " I already asked the same question I asked many times in the past but never got an answer. I felt like I had to try my luck this time.

A silence followed my question before Nam opened his mouth, ” she tried to kill us.

— Who ?

— The director’s girlfriend. ” Guk answered me. That’s right. Since he entered MAMA Guk had never call the director ” Dad.” … Ever.   


	22. Is it love ?

** JONGUP POINT OF VIEW **

When I had finished with them, I brought my two victims to the infirmary, even if the nurse wasn’t there today I could just leave them here. If they’re not up by themselves before tomorrow, she would take care of them at that moment. When I approach it, I saw Daehyun-hyung and Youngjae-hyung exiting it. It was weird. Why were they at the nurse office ? They looked like they had done sex for hours over there. We knew the two liked to have sex with girls in the same room together, something like foursome but most of the time they were two on one poor girl. I waited for the girl to come out just to be sure I wouldn’t walk on a naked girl but no one was leaving the office after them… so I entered. No one…

The smell of sex was overflowing and that’s only at that time that I wondered why Daehyun-hyung and Youngjae-hyung were at school… Weren’t they supposed to be with Yongguk-hyung ? I knew we could count on them, they wouldn’t have left him behind just to go fuck. They must have followed him here. Hyung should be really drunk by now and he should have gone to his favorite place. He should have been heading to the basement… Where Himchan-hyung was… and where … Junhong was… Shit !

I dropped my two mollusks on their mattress and ran to the basement.

" STOOOOOP ! " I screamed bursting in.

I stopped when I saw the position they were in. How much I hated it each time. Would they never change ? Himchan-hyung was gagged and tied to Yongguk-hyung’s chair, who was behind Himchan-hyung kissing his neck his hands on  **my**  Hyung’s collarbones. And there was another Bang-hyung on  **my**  Hyung’s crotch ready to unbuckle his belt. When Himchan-hyung looked at me, tears began to run down his face. I hated to see him cry.

" Ah, Jonguppie … it’s been- " Yongnam-hyung started but I cut him off.

" Hyung… I really do have respect for the both of you two. But if I find you playing with  **MY**  Hyung one more time  …

— Jongup-ah~ it’s cool we were just teasing him … ” Yongguk-hyung tried to calm me, did he think I was a fool ? Taking heavy steps toward them, they stepped aside knowing perfectly it would end pretty badly if they didn’t. I untied Himchan-hyung and took him in my arms before walking out the room. Himchan-hyung was too light, if I didn’t know his mother I would be worrying about him eating enough. I wondered how he could even stand by himself looking so weak.

" Thank you… and sorry. " I heard him whispering in my ear.

" Its okay, one day your feelings for him will stop… I can wait. I can be patient when it’s for you Hyung… "

I took him to his place and we were now lying down in Himchan-hyung’s bed. I was back hugging him and didn’t want to release him. He told me everything that happened since he entered the basement til I entered it myself. How he scolded Junhong. How he fought with Yongnam-hyung. How the two twins started to speak him sweet words for him to  _play_  with them…

" Hyung … you need to apologize to Junhong … " I scolded him slightly, passing a hand in his hair as I was soothing him.

" I know …

— He’s not used to your harsh words. I told him you shout to us because you’re caring, but still you need to apologize.

— I know ! I will… ” he turned round to plunge his face in my chest and I wrapped my arms around his fragile body.

" I love you Hyung.

— I love you too Jonguppie. ” He answered me in a tired breath and left to dreamland, but I didn’t want to follow him there. I was as tired of my day as he was, but my dreamland was here, I was embracing it. I just wished Himchan-hyung wasn’t suffering that much from his past lover.

" You can do it Hyung ! " I whispered to encourage him.

" Shut up ! I can do it ! It’s not a big deal … AND YOU TURN OFF YOUR STUPID CAMERA !! " Himchan-hyung shouted to me then burst angrily and embarassed to Youngjae-hyung.

" But it’s the first time I’ll see this !! I want to remember it my whole life !! " Youngjae-hyung defended himself pouting.

" Breath deeply Hyung … " I didn’t mind about their quarrel and kept giving Himchan-hyung advices so he wouldn’t mess up.

" Jongup-ah… " Himchan-hyung warned me to not say anything more and turned to Junhong before bowing 90° :

" I’m sorry I had shouted at you Junhong-ah ! "

" I-It’s o-okay H-H-Hyung… " Junhong stuttered not sure what to say. Yongguk-hyung put his arm over Junhong’s shoulder -as always- and smiled brightly. It was funny how obvious he was. I never had seen him smile like this and by the look others were watching the lovely couple I knew they were thinking the same thing as me.

" I’m glad Junhong-ah joined our band ! " Youngjae-hyung said jumping on the said one.

" R-r-really ? " Junhong didn’t know what to do anymore being sandwiched between Yongguk-hyung and Youngjae-hyung, the two fighting secretly to be the one holding him.

" Yeah, we would never had seen Himchan-sama apologize otherwise ! " Yongnam-hyung laughed and everybody agreed. Youngjae-hyung kept replaying this scene on the screen all day long.

" YAH ! WE BETTER LOOK AFTER THE SCHOOL !! " Himchan-hyung tried to turn it off but Youngjae-hyung was better at electronic than anyone of us.

" It’s okay to take a day off Himchan-hyung ! " Daehyun-hyung said taking him away from the console. I didn’t know why but hearing Daehyun-hyung calling Himchan-hyung ’Hyung’ had something unhealthy…

Everybody was gathered in the basement. We were making a mini-party to celebrate Himchan-hyung’s first apologize. Junhong was sitting on the couch eyeing everybody when I caught his eyes he looked away to stare at his knees. I went sat next to him.

" So… " I started and he looked up at me. " What’s wrong ?

— N-Nothing.

— It’s a party and you’re here all alone in your corner…

— N-no… really… I-I just… You said Himchan-hyung scolded everyone because he cared about them. Then he never had scolded me, so I thought he hated me… So… when he burst to me yesterday I was happy… really… I was really happy Himchan-hyung cared for …me… ” When he finished to explain to me, his voice died in a silent before we heard people clapping their hands. That’s at that moment I realized they all had stopped what they were doing and to listen and clap at Junhong’s beautiful speech. Himchan-hyung came near him and took him in his arms, Youngjae-hyung filming it closely.

I liked it when everyone was happy living like this. No one should suffer.

** YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW **

Everyone was happy living and I’m glad I had lively people around me now, mostly right now I needed them to be. I hadn’t been able to see Junhong yesterday, and by the same way I had felt glad he hadn’t saw me in that state. I was watching him talking with Jongup when Himchan came to me. ” He was waiting us all day long yesterday…

— He did ? ” I felt happy to hear about this, Junhong was such a cute boy. I couln’t help but to smile imagining him waiting for me in the basement, sitting wisely on the sofa sipping on a orange brick drink. 

" He had little crush with some boys.

— What happened ?

— Yesterday, when we came back from the bar with Jongup, we saw him following two guys to the toilet.

— Then ?

— … we took care of the two boys… you don’t need to look after them and in the case you would try to, I deleted all of yesterday’s security recordings.

— … What did they wanted from him ?

— … I’m not very sure about that, so you should go ask him yourself. ” Damn Kim Himchan, he knew me too well and I felt like he knew what it had been, but didn’t want to tell me because he was afraid of my reaction. If he was it meant I wouldn’t take it well and I didn’t need to know more than I was already making a plan in my head to find out those two said boys.

" Something else ?

— He met Nam here yesterday.

— Then ?

— … I came in time.

— What did Yongnam do him ? ” I frowned, feeling like punching Nam even without knowing what he had done. What I was sure about was that I wouldn’t like it, only by seeing Himchan’s reaction.

" What are you two talking about ? I hope it’s me. " The said one inlay himself in the conversation.

" Himchan told me you met Junhong yesterday. " I saw the  _I-did-told-you-to-say-nothing_  glance he send to Channie and it upset me. Not because he was trying to hide things from me, but because I knew if he did, it was only for him to delay the moment I would beat him … if I would … that means it wouldn’t please me.

" Yep. He thought I was you at first. It was quite funny.

— I don’t like how your  _funny_  sounds. ” I hissed to him between my teeth and he knew what would happen to his ass when we will get home tonight.

" … Yeaaah. I think he has a crush on you.

— That’s silly. He’s too young. He doesn’t know anything about love.

— But you do. ” Himchan cooed nudging me on my side and I glared to him. How dared he say things like that ?

" So you’ll just have to teach him… I quite started yesterday- " I didn’t let him end his sentence as I already grabbed my twin by his collar ready to punch his face. Himchan prevented me to, holding my arm. I looked at him intrigued, it wasn’t in his habits to get in whenever I would fight with Nam.

" You don’t want to scare your scaredy-cat more than he already is, do you ? " he whispered and I looked at my ramyun boy. He was watching me with the same scared eyes he used to wear the first days we hang together… Shit. I released Nam cursing to myself. I needed to learn to control myself better when Junhong was around.

" … and he quite liked it. " Nam finished his sentence dusting his clothes like nothing happened, he winked to me before running away to Daehyun and Youngjae. This time, it was at him that I cursed mentally. Sighing, I made my way to my young blonde boy.

" Junhong. Come with me. " I said, my voice tougher than what I intended it to be and I saw him shiver. Shit. All this week’s work went for nothing. Back to square one and all because of Nam’s fault. I was still cursing at him when Junhong cleared his voice. I blinked coming back to reality, realizing we were walking outside towards the park. I sat on the football playground grass and I patted next to me, looking up at Junhong. He sat there letting a little gap between us.

" Junhong-ah… don’t- " I frowned and he watched me, wonders being perfectly readable in his eyes. " Don’t be afraid of me… " I pleaded him putting an arm around him as I pulled him nearer, gluing his body to mine. I felt better like this.

" I-I…

— I don’t know what to do for you to be at ease with me… ”

He looked down to his lap. ” It’s not that Hyung… ” he said without stuttering which made me smile brightly, but when I saw the look on his face my smile faded away.

" What’s going on Junhong-ah ?

— Hyung… I … I … ” he started to cry and I took him in my arms, plunging his face in my chest so he could cry all the way he wanted without the sound of his cries echoing throughout the whole schoolyard. He cried like this for an hour. I didn’t know what happened to him but I swear I would make sure the one which was making my ramyun boy cry definilty pay for this.

" Is it because of what Yongnam did to you yesterday ? " I asked him once he had calmed down a bit.

" N-no… it’s just …

— … 

— I don’t know if I can tell you …

— Why can’t you ?

— Maybe you won’t want me in your band anymore … I’m afraid I won’t be able to see you anymore …

— That’s bullshit. Why would I not want you with us anymore. You heard them, they liked you and you will see me everyday at school.

— That is the problem…

— You won’t come here anymore ? … Why ?

— My father … is having hard time at work and … hmmm …

— Financial issues ?

— … yes … I wanted to ask you …

— … you want me to give you money ?

— Lend ! To lend me money ! I’ll pay you back Hyung ! I can do blow job for 100 000₩ ! ”

— Wh-WHAT ? WHAT IS THAT ? ” I choked on my own saliva, pulling away to look at him.

" It’s easy ! And it does not take a lot of time either ! " I felt dizzy… Well that wasn’t really what I had meant by ‘ _what is that_ ' though… it's at that time that Nam's words came back to my mind.

_" and he quite liked it._ _”_

No way. Not Junhong. He couldn’t. He was way too young for this. I needed to ask him…

" And … what do you do ?

— Don’t you know what blowjob is Hyung ? ” He chuckled and I felt stupid to his question but went on my way. I was sure it couldn’t be what it seemed to be right now. I shook my head and I felt even stupider.

" Oh… so I’ll explain you. " I was glad we were alone right now. " You kneel down in front of someone, it must be a guy you can’t do a blowjob to a girl Hyung. " I kept listening, nodding to his explanation acting like I didn’t know what he was talking about. I should get an award for my acting skills. " Then the guy in front of you puts his hand on your head and he unzips his pants. " Why was I imagining Junhong doing this to me ? I will kill Nam for sure … " Then the guy will take out his dick. " The bulge in my pants was growing at each word of his.

" Then ? " I asked him a little turned on.

" That’s all Hyung. " He smiled to me and I burst out laughing. I was literally rolling on the floor, well on the ground. He pouted not understanding why I was laughing, but I couldn’t stop myself. It has been a while since I laughed that bad.

" What’s so funny Hyung ? " he asked vexed, blushing a bit.

" HA HA You’re so cute ! " I said pinching his cheeks.

" Hyuuung ! " He whined pushing my hands away from his face.

" Who told you that ? " I asked still a huge smile on my face.

" Two boys. Well, they didn’t  _tell_  me….

— What ? They didn’t  _tell_  you ? ” My smile was fast gone and without realizing it, my hands had turned into fists.

" Hmm… they … well I did a blow job to one of them. They said they would give me 100 000₩ but Himchan-hyung and Jongup-hyung came before they could give me my money… " He frowned confused and now I understood the entire story. I was glad Himchan and Jongup came back to school in time… I remained silent as I was thinking of a way to find those two sons of bitch.

" Hyung ?

— Hmm ?

— … Will you … ” I turned my face to him, smiling softly, “ … will you help Hyung ? ”

I pet his head. ” Of course Junhong-ah. You can rely on me every time you need. ”

He jumped on me, put his head on my chest and cried again.

" Ah,Aah!! Junhong-ah ! Don’t cry ! " I rubbed his back with my two hands, hugging him.

" Its tears of joy, Hyung!! Of joy!!

— Then it’s okay. But … please don’t talk to other people about blow job anymore okay ? ” I don’t want them to rape you…

" … okay Hyung. "

I had him in my arms and still my hard-on in my pants. I don’t think he noticed it or if he did he stayed silent about it and I felt thankful he did. I felt such a pedophile…

The week went well but Junhong was still wearing his sad look when he thought no one was watching him. We all had noticed his change, even Daehyun ! My ramyun head boy tried to be joyful with us but we knew he wasn’t laughing with his whole heart. I had thought that once I would have lend him money he would be back to the bright Junhong. I didn’t know his father work’s problem would cause him such a pain. Maybe he had thought he would inherit his father company, then now it went to nothingness. This couldn’t be only this… I knew what it felt like to inherit your father’s company but there was something else … I could feel the bruises he had inside his heart. It had to be something else. Something more. Something he didn’t want to tell me.


	23. Falling apart

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

When I came home I was still in previous shock state from Himchan-hyung’s outburst. I had to confess it had been quite impressive to see what an angry Himchan-hyung gave and I didn’t want to imagine what it would give with the others. I thought I had already saw him angry whenever he would scream or complain against everybody but it had been something completely different from earlier. Also it was the first time he was angry at me. Jongup-hyung had told me Himchan-hyung was like this because he cared for them. So I had concluded that he didn’t care for me … until earlier. I felt tears coming to my eyes, it was too much emotion for me. Since the time he had sent me death glare on that bench when he had Jongup-hyung in his arms, and through the past week I had thought Himchan-hyung hated me. That he didn’t want me in his band and only waited for me to be kicked out the school. But that … and he also protected me from Yongguk-hyung’s brother. I reached my house and I stopped in front of the main entrance to wipe my tears. I couldn’t enter from school with that face in front my mother or she would certainly make me change school, which I didn’t want - the least in the world.

When I opened the door I heard screams coming from inside, without thinking even for a second about what it could be I burst into and I saw what I had hoped I would never see. My father and my mother arguing. They stopped and watched me when I entered the living room.

" What’s going on ? " I asked them. My mother had bloodshot eyes and my father had his temple about to explode. " Go to your room Junhong-ah. It’s not a kid’s matter. " My father ordered me and I obeyed, like always. I couldn’t even imagine myself disobeying him, or my mother. Usually,she would prepare me something for dinner but I thought I could wait for them to calm down. I went to my room without any protest.

I waited for them to stop screaming and call me for dinner but they never did. Past eleven I finally heard my mother climbing the starways and opening my door, I hoped she would be bringing me something she had prepared, but her hands were empty. “ Don’t forget your prayer before going to sleep. ” Every night she told me the same thing, but tonight it sounded more like a warning than her asking me gently to do it and willingly. She left my room without adding anything. So I prayed the Lord to bring me a little happiness in my life without taking away another part of my happiness from me. I couldn’t choose between my happiness at school or at home, it would amount to choose between my parents and Yongguk-hyung…

That night, I couldn’t sleep at all. The cries of my mother preventing me to. She was screaming incomprehensible words in her dreams but with some words coming back stronger than others, mostly, “NO” , “DON’T” and “PLEASE”. I hated this. I hated the fact I couldn’t protect her. How could I protect someone while that person was sufferings in his dreams ? How could I reach her when she was in a place I couldn’t go in ?

The following day I tried to stay as bright at school as I could. I was already having hard time at home I wasn’t going to bring my bad mood there. I wanted to at least enjoy a part of my day. Jongup-hyung asked me to join them at the basement and when I arrived they put me in front of Himchan-hyung, they surrounded us and they looked like they were expecting something to happen. Youngjae-hyung was even recording us with his camera. I felt very awkward and looking at Yongguk-hyung, I asked for help with my eyes but he had a huge smile on his face as he was looking at Himchan-hyung. Instead I caught Yongnam-hyung eyes on me, he was hanging on his twin neck like a koala and he smiled to me, I blushed looking back at Himchan-hyung in front of me. I knew he wasn’t Yongguk-hyung but this smile… whenever I would see it, it’s like I fall in love over and over again with him.

" I’m sorry I had shouted at you Junhong-ah !

— I-It’s o-okay H-H-Hyung… ” I stuttered, taken aback by this sudden apology. Was it only for this that they all had gathered here ? I thought at least we would celebrate something but not even. Yongguk-hyung got off of Yongnam-hyung and came put his arm over my shoulders.

" I’m glad Junhong-ah joined our band ! " The instant after Youngjae-hyung cheered jumping on me.

" R-r-really ? " I felt embarrassed -and little- being sandwiched by those two over-protective Hyungs.

" Yeah, we would never had seen Himchan-sama apologize otherwise ! " Yongnam-hyung laughed and everybody agreed.

From what I understood, Himchan-hyung was very wealthy and something as smart as Youngjae-hyung. I don’t think there would be that many people  **above**  him, whether on the social ladder or in the intellectual field. Maybe that would explain why he had never had to apologize to anyone before. Of course I quite caught the thing, everybody thought the same but no one said it. They were making fun of Himchan-hyung because they were the only ones who could and Himchan-hyung needed them to be like this, to feel … like everyone.

The more time I spent with them the more I learned to know them better. They all had lives full of incredible stories, beside them I was absurdly normal. Thinking about my boring and normal life, my thoughts came back to my parents arguing when I was suddenly brought back to the reality by Jongup-hyung sitting next to me.

Everybody was happy living and I didn’t want to ruin the mood with my problems, I was containing myself to not break down. But I felt like I could still hear my parents screaming downstairs while they weren’t here. I didn’t know why they were fighting, nor what they were arguing about, they had never before and I wondered what could have happened to cause such a thing. Suddenly Yongguk-hyung grabbed Yongnam-hyung by his collar out of nowhere, he was about to hit him but Himchan-hyung prevented him to. I looked at them afraid, if two twins could come to hands maybe my parents would. Why were they arguing ? Was it because of the money ? I had to do something … I was looking at Yongguk-hyung walking to me but my mind was somewhere else, far away.

" Junhong. Come with me. " He said simply, without adding any explanation or anything, yet I could feel it. He needed to go out of this place and so did I. I hurried myself after him, he looked like he too was caught in his own world as he wasn’t even waiting for me. I shivered at how cold, scary and out of reach he looked just right now. He was walking fast and I had hard time to catch up with him. Maybe he had forgot I was following him… I cleared my voice, panting slightly as we reached the football ground outside. He looked at me surprised I was here -even if he was the one to ask me out- sitting on the ground, he patted next to him mentioning me to sit there.

I had finished crying on Hyung’s chest and I felt so pathetic. Yet I felt like letting everything out when his arms were around me, I felt like nothing could reach me as long as we would remain in that position. Dear lord, if there is a wish I want you to hear, is for me to stay in that warm place forever. He pulled me onto his lap and was still hugging me. Only when I calmed down I felt something poking my ass…

" I’m so minable …

— Don’t say that Junhong-ah…

— You don’t hate me Hyung ?

— Why would I hate you ?

— Because I’m not wealthy anymore… ”

He flicked my forehead and I blinked at him before he added ” this does not matter silly ! Even if you were poor and homeless I would pick you and take you to my home.

— Really ? … I want to see your home Hyung !

— One day maybe… ” he chuckled. Smiling I let my head rest on his chest, my ear glued to it so I could hear his heartbeat. His voice sending vibrations through my body whenever he would speak with his low and husky voice. I felt like his voice was healing my heart’s wounds. After a certain amount of time, I gasped standing up when I realized I had already missed one course !

" Where are you going ? " Yongguk-hyung looked up at me surprised.

" My class had started a while ago, I should-wow " he grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me down to make me sit back in our previous position.

" Stay here. " He ordered without looking at me as if I hadn’t my word to say.

" But- 

— It’s okay. I will talk to your teacher, just… stay. ” Slowly, he moved his eyes to mine and this time it sounded more like a plea than an order and I stayed. We talked about things and others, making me completely forget why had I been sad in the first place, for at least the time I spent with him. I liked to be with Yongguk-hyung. He was the most beautiful and admirable man I ever met. There were times I felt like it was normal for me to stick to him, but other times, I also felt like at our first day together. If it was a dream … I didn’t want to wake up … Ever.

Later in the afternoon, when I was walking in the corridors I saw the two guys from yesterday. I waved to them but when they saw me they decamped. I stayed dumbfounded here wondering when they would ever give me my 100 000₩, even if Yongguk-hyung had promised to help me with my parent’s financial problems I couldn’t forget that I had worked for those two … I already said everyone was avoiding me but now it was worst than it was before. They all clearly shook in fear when I was near them. Not that I didn’t like it, nor that it pleased me… It was just a brand new feeling to which I needed to get used to I guess. That was one of the things that would happen by hanging around with Yongguk-hyung’s band. I should feel powerful but I knew it wasn’t because of me that they feared me, so I had nothing to brag around in this story.

And the whole week went smoothly. Except for when I was at home. My parents were still arguing every night and I started to wonder if they would ever stop one day. Which day I wished was today, I gave them the money Yongguk-hyung had lent me.

" Where did you get that Junhong-ah ? " My father asked looking at me with big round eyes.

" Friend. I told him I would pay him back later.

— How ?

— I will work… ” I was about to tell him about the blow job but I remembered in time that Yongguk-hyung had asked me to not tell others about my job.

" Who will hire someone like you ? You’re too young Junhong-ah ! " My mother said.

" Not now but when I will be older, I will seek for a job, work hard and pay him back. He said I could take all the time I wanted.

— You’re so courageous Junhong-ah and your friend is really nice, so sweet of him. ” My mother petted me, proud I had made some good friends. She couldn’t guess how great Yongguk-hyung was, maybe one day she would have the chance to meet him. I smiled brightly to her nodding thinking that now everything would be back to normal.

 The night that followed was calm and I thought it would stay this way now we had the money we needed. But the night after this one, they started to argue again. Saturday night, my father was even beating my mother.

" YOU SLUT ! " It was the first time my father raised a hand on my mother so I came in between the two and tried to grab my father’s arms but he pushed me away easily. " GO TO YOUR ROOM JUNHONG ! THIS DOES NOT CONCERN A KID ! "

I looked at my mother at my mother worriedly, but she reassured me -yet without looking at me- ” do what your father tell you Junhong… ” Not really sure of what to do, I stood up slowly and went to my room. I didn’t close my door so I could hear them. Well, I could only hear half of the  _conversation_  as my father was bursting, I could hear him.

" WAS THAT WHAT YOU MEANT BY ASKING THE DIRECTOR ? "

(…)

" YOU SLUT ! "

(…)

" YOU LIKE MONEY THAT MUCH HUH ? OR ARE YOU STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM ? "

(…)

" YOU BEING IN LOVE WITH MONEY OR IN LOVE WITH HIM ARE THE SAME THING ! "

(…)

" YOU LET JUNHONG GO THERE SO YOU CAN FUCK WITH THE DIRECTOR HUH ! "

(…)

" YOU KNEW HE WOULDN’T MEET YOU OTHERWISE ! "

My hands were shaking as I didn’t like the content of their conversation. Maybe they had been right. It wasn’t something I should be listening to and it was enough for me. I closed my door and went to my bed, in which I dive myself putting my pillow over my head, trying to not hear the screams anymore.

I must had felt asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night because I was hungry. It had been a week since my mother didn’t prepare dinner, I always was forced to go enclose myself in my room as soon as I reached home after school. I stood up silently to go eat something in the kitchen, thinking that my parents were asleep. I was preparing myself a tomato soup when I felt something grabbing my hair and pulling me back. I lost my balance and fall on the floor, looking up,I saw my mother above me. 

" Did you make you prayer Junhong-ah ? " She had bruises on all her face and body, a cigarette in her right hand and a bottle of alcohol in the other.

" I-I did. " I stuttered not liking to see her in that state, I thought she had stopped smoking and that she hated alcohol. I had just answered her that her hand landed on my cheek. I watched her completely stunned and unable to have any other kind of reaction that bringing my hand to my hurtful cheek. It was the first time of my life she slapped me. She was against violence.

" Liar. You know you can’t go out of your bed after you did your prayer.

— I did ! I was hungry ! ” She slapped me again.

" You can’t be hungry after you’ve done your prayer ! ‘Cause the Lord fed you with his love !

— Why are you like this ? ” I started to cry and she slapped me once again.

" Are you looking down on me ?

— N-no ! ” Another slap.

" It’s your fault if my husband doesn’t love me anymore !

— He’s my father too ! ” And again a slap.

" NO ! HE’S MY HUSBAND BEFORE BEING YOUR FATHER !! IF HE’S NO MORE MY HUSBAND THEN HE’S NO MORE YOUR FATHER TOO !!

— Wh-what are you talking ab- ” But this time she didn’t let me finish my sentence and it was her fist which met my face.

" IF YOU HADN’T ASKED TO GO TO THAT DAMN SCHOOL HE WOULD STILL LOVE ME!! " She kept hitting me while I tried to protect myself with my two arms over my head. Then she hit me with her bottle, breaking it on my forearms and the stinky liquid fleeing on me. It hurt. I succeeded in escaping her grip, I grabbed my school coat and went out the house. I ran the faster I could, tears running down my face.

I ran as fast as I could. It hurt. How could my mother say things like this to me, to her own son ? To the child of hers ? Her own blood related ? I knew alcohol had something to do in that, but being aware of that hurt me more. Because alcohol do not make people talk nonsense. On the contrary, it makes them speak their true heart out. Alcohol just breaking the wall face everyone built.

It hurt. I had lived with a mother who had never really cared for me, always forcing herself to be sweet with me. I didn’t exist any more in her heart and I doubt I ever did…

It hurt so badly. I wanted to see Yongguk-hyung. Now. I needed him.

My eyes were too teary I couldn’t see anything in front of me nor the way I was going to, suddenly I bumped into someone and stumbled a few steps backward. ” Watch where you’re heading to kiddo ! ” I was surrounded by men in black suits and it appeared to my mind like a scene of Déjà vu. ” Hey ! Watch this kid’s coat ! Isn’t it the same at that bitch’s son ? ” While one grabbed me from behind another looked at the school emblem on my coat. ” MAMA School. That’s it ! It’s Jung’s one ! ” I felt relieved they knew Daehyun-hyung. If they did, they won’t dare to touch me. BANG !! I felt my face being punched hard and I fell on the ground, soon kicks followed that fist and every part of my body hurt as hell. I didn’t have the time to process what was going on, that the darkness oppressed me and I passed out.


	24. I care

** YOUNGJAE POINT OF VIEW **

Saturday night was like any other one, apparently it was the favorite day for most of people on Earth. Guess I wasn’t part of that population. Saturday nights were usually really boring, I never knew what to do and the easy solution was always to go to Daehyun’s place. Of course … not his house, I swear I would never go back to that place, but the club his father had was where I would be sure to find him when it wasn’t at school or my own place. Daehyun’s father’s gang stash was in the basement of a strip-tease club, making my life look like I spent it in basements that it was at school or here. Spending time at my own place only to sleep or to take a shower without any risk for my life. I already felt lonely at my apartment for the few times I spent there, so every week-end I came here.

Only a little transparent skirt on her hips, small bells attached on it, was the only thing covering the nude body in front us. She was moving up and down the bar, literally making love to it, her tits obviously hardening at the cold contact of the metal with her hot pussy. We were watching the new girl his father had hired, sitting on big comfortable chair -which looked more like sofa but they called it a chair- Daehyun lying next me. His legs resting on my lap while I had my arms outstretched on each side of me, resting on the backrest as I lay against it. That lazy ass next me was playing with his phone while the girl was giving her everything with her show, training hard to be ready for the opening of the club tonight.

Suddenly a man barged in, panting he ran and came knell next Daehyun, telling him that they just received an alert. The Jung’s rival gang was moving in the city which could only mean one thing, they had caught one of their men and the poor one must be in a pretty bad state by now. I wasn’t really giving attention to what they were saying, not wanting to get involved in their mafia business, until the man said something which caught my attention, ” it’s the same boy as last time ! ” he said panting and Daehyun nodded to him.

" Last time ? " I asked, turning to lie on my side to look at Daehyun.

" Did you take care of them ? " He purposely ignored my question and I frowned, what a dick. I hated whenever he would do that, did he think I was some sort of Himchan-type of guy he could ignore whenever it pleased him or what ?

" Yes. Your father is already on his way back here. " The man answered after he had peeked at me when he saw that his ‘boss’ hadn’t answered my question.

" Okay. " That mollusk simply said moving his hand in a lazy movement to dismiss the man who bowed before leaving. I was glaring at him, still waiting for my reply but he kept playing on his phone. Or was he texting someone ? I didn’t know and didn’t give a shit, it didn’t allow him to ignore me.

" You know who he was talking about ?

— Yeah. It’s Junhong.

— WHAT ? ” I burst standing up, removing his legs from me and his feet falling loudly on the ground in the same process.

" AISH! Just sit ! " In one quick movement he stood up just enough above the big two seats chair to grab me by my shoulders and made me sit back next to him.

" BUT WE NEED TO GO HELP HIM !

— Hadn’t you heard what he said ? My father already took care of it. He’s coming here so now… relax. ” He settled himself back comfortably in our seat and put his feet on the table.

" How can you relax in a time like this ?

— Is being worried changes anything in the situation ? ” He asked his eyes still glued to his phone, he looked upset and I understood why, he just lost the game he was playing.

" … no… " I answered sitting back but yet not relaxing at all, wondering what could have happened for Junhong to run into some mafia gang ? Why had he been out this late ? He didn’t look like the type of kid to hang out the night and get in fights …

" Right, so relax… and you ! Who told you to stop ? " He yelled to the poor girl who resumed her show where she had stopped it. I rolled my eyes at how easy it was to upset him and how a bad player/looser he was.

A moment later Daehyun’s father entered with an unconscious Junhong in his arm. We all hurried by his sides to check on him, but Daejung easily shoved us aside to lie the young blonde boy on the sofa. I kneeled beside him and brought my hand to his cheek, wiping a bit of blood from it, he was in a sorry state. I wanted to ask Daehyun to bring me hot water and towels, but turning to him I saw him walking to his father’s office with him and their men. I frowned a few seconds watching them, we sure would have to stay in safe place while they would strike back. 

Junhong brought back my attention to him when he coughed. I hurried myself to gather everything I needed to take care of his wounds, but there were surely something more that what I could see from the outside. Yet, for the moment I could only take care of the bruises and cut on his face. I imagined he may had met the opposite gang when they were drunk, because of the smell of alcohol on his body, also the glass breakage on his forearms, I could perfectly imagine the scene of him moving his arms above his head to protect himself from the hit. His face was red, but not only because of the tears that had fallen from his swollen eyes. He was spitting out blood when someone grabbed me from behind by my shoulder to push me aside and took my place. I looked at Yongguk-hyung with wide eyes. 

" Why are you here ?

— Daehyun sent me a message… What happened ? ” He grabbed the wet towel I had and continued to clean Junhong, wearing a worried look that I had never saw in the past.

" Daehyun’s men found him being beaten by their opponent. " I said leaning against the sofa armrests while I was watching him wounding the cute boy, my arms naturally coming cross itself in front my chest.

" Why would he .. be beaten by mafia ? I thought his financial problem went fine… He should have told me he had hard time with mafia ! " Yongguk-hyung cursed and I uncrossed my arms, standing up, making my previous cool position turning useless.

" He had financial problems ? " I asked realizing how few things we knew about Junhong’s life, he did look like a boy without any problem, which I had to confess, had brought a fresh feeling to our team.

" Yeah… he asked me to lend him money…It must hadn’t been enough and he hadn’t dared to ask me for more…

— … now that you’re telling me this … Daehyun’s man said Junhong was the same boy as last time…

—  That’s right. ” Daehyun’s voice said from behind and the two of us turned to look at him, he had exited his father’s office and was now standing by my side, he looked at the still unconscious Junhong.

" You should have told me about this ! " Yongguk-hyung shouted at Daehyun standing up. We can say that Yongguk-hyung has guts ! He wasn’t afraid to beat up at the mafia’s boss’s  **beloved**  son in his own lair. Indeed, I doubt he even thought or cared about that kind of situation. For him it was always a man-to-man affair whatever would happen, he hated when others would mingle in.

" It happened before you were worshiping him… " Daehyun answered nonchalantly passing an arm around my waist. Did he think that just because the two of them were talking I would let him do whatever he wanted ? Not that I had as much guts as Yongguk-hyung, but I didn’t like people to handle me as if I was some puppet, and that, I had taught Daehyun well. I removed his arm from my waist and stepped aside so he wouldn’t catch me back while they kept talking.

" I thought I could count on you…

— I only tell you the things you need to know…

— I need to know everything related to Junhong !

— I can’t tell you about what is happening in my family, when it’s about business. You know that.

— Hum ! Far from me the idea to interrupt your little lover’s quarrel … but can we go back to what happened to Junhong ? ” I coughed enough loudly to cover their voices. Yongguk shrugged and kneeled back next to Junhong to keep taking care of his wounds.

" It was the first school week’s last day. Junhong ran into my men accidentally. When my father saw he was from the same school as me, he let him go, simply asking his name before. After what he asked me to keep an eye on him because he had quite liked the kid. That’s all and that’s why I had to be the one to take care of his bully.

— So he didn’t have problems with the mafia ? ” Yongguk-hyung asked without looking at Daehyun.

" No.

— So what happened to him this time ? ” I asked standing now behind the sofa, leaning my forearms on the backrest.

" He just ran into some guys again …

— Why is he always running … ” Yongguk-hyung sighed.

" I don’t know. " Daehyun answered rolling his eyes, I could feel he was starting to feel burdened by all the questions.

" Is he being bullied outside of school ? " I asked.

" I don’t know… AND I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ! " Daehyun was starting to loose it but we didn’t even care about him screaming or being upset. We were concentrated on what Junhong was trying to say.

" … Dae… " He was still closed eyes, which made us understand he was speaking in his ‘sleep’. " Dae…Daehyun… Daehyun-hyung. " He kept whimpering in his dream, maybe because he had just heard his voice. Daehyun came near him and took Junhong’s hand in his own… He didn’t care my ass, yeah.

" I’m here, we’re all by your side with Youngjae and Yongguk-hyung, " Daehyun said speaking and caressing his cheek softly, " you’re safe here.

— I-I… Hyung…guk… ” Junhong’s mumbles became less and less comprehensible and Yongguk-hyung took his other hand in his own. We waited a certain amount of time by his side, for him to wake up.

After spending two hours by his sides, and that his state stabilized we all went sit at a table and started playing cards while talking, speculations about what could have happened to Junhong. While we played Daehyun’s father and his men left the club to go out for a  _night walk_. Daehyun asked to go with them, but his father refused saying that he needed someone to keep an eye on the club while they were away. The funny thing was that, there were adults with us and since I knew Daehyun, they had never tried to contest his  _authority,_ even when we were younger than we were right now. Around 4.00AM Junhong finally woke up.

" Hyungs ? " He turned his head on his side, toward our voice to look at us. We all let our cards fall on the table -and on the ground for Yongguk-hyung- to hurry ourselves to his side. As soon as he was at the little blonde boy’s level, Yongguk-hyung grabbed his hands to hold it tightly.

" Junhong !

— Yongguk-hyung … ” his bottom lip started shaking and tears to fall out from his eyes.

" What happened Junhong-ah ? " Hyung asked him, taking him in his arms, a frown on his face but Junhong wasn’t able to speak as he burst in tears. It took him half an hour before he could calm down, leaving us clumsy about what we could do to soothe him.

" Junhong… " Finally, Yongguk-hyung pulled away from the cutie to look at him seriously, " it’s the second time in one week that you cry on my chest …

— I-I I’m s-so-sorry H-hy-hyung !

— Will you tell me what happened this time ?

— My parents … for the first time since I’m born they argued … all the week along… I thought it was because of money … but even after I gave it to them… they kept arguing… and yesterday… I was in my room when I heard strange sounds … I went down and … and … my father was beating my mother… I tried to stop him … they said it was not a kid matter … and … and … this night I was hungry … so-so … I went to the kitchen … I was making myself something to eat when … my mother … started to hit me … saying it was my fault … because … ” My heart became heavier and heavier as we listened to his story being interspersed with hiccups and cries. We didn’t want to interrupt him with questions until he was done, but looked like he wasn’t about to keep on after this.

" Because … ? Why would it be your fault Junhong-ah ? " Yongguk-hyung asked him softly, wiping each of his wet cheeks with his long thin thumbs.

" Because … I wanted to go to MAMA … " Junhong answered and we all remained silent while Yongguk-hyung pulled Junhong tightly against his chest. This was such a strange feeling, we didn’t have that kind of problems, nor ever thought that some students had difficulties about going to our school …

" I-I … I’m afraid to go back home Hyung …

— You’ll go to Youngjae’s apartment tonight, okay ? ” Yongguk-hyung reassured him and Junhong turned his puffy eyes to me, as if he was asking me if I was okay with it. Of course I was ! I smiled him back in response.

No one of us would ever have doubted he would have such a sad life. He was always so bright at school, being way too young and too cute to suffer the way he did. I didn’t want him to be sad anymore. I knew Daehyun couldn’t keep him here nor at his place because of his father’s business, and Yongguk-hyung couldn’t take him to his own apartment because Yongnam was back. Not that he hadn’t enough space, but it wasn’t hard to get why he didn’t want for his brother to live and sleep at the same place as the young boy. So of course I would take him with me, we couldn’t let him alone. Then I remembered that day :

_He was just so cute at the moment, I wanted to take him in my arms, hug him tightly and keep him for myself. But I couldn’t do that. He would just suffer more if he stayed with me…_

_Now that his bully is gone, he would just be fine. He will find friends and be happy, he didn’t need me to worsen the picture._

If I had knew… I would have taken him with me that time. This is a good lesson of life for all of us. Note to self : I must always follow my instinct ! I am always right ! Always !


	25. JAE's story

** YOUNGJAE POINT OF VIEW **

Around 6.00AM we left Daehyun’s place, well… we mostly got kicked out because he was tired and also customers were starting to arrive. Yet Yongguk-hyung remained there and I was pretty sure it was to continue their previous conversation. I didn’t care about their quarrel and what’s important right now was to take Junhong to a safe place, to my place. The few people that were out at this time of Sunday morning looked at us strangely, probably thinking that the boy I was helping to walk had gotten himself in a fight because he was too drunk. I had to confess anyone would have a hard time believing it was something else because of the alcohol smell coming from Junhong, even if it wasn’t from his mouth. He had his arm around my shoulders and we took twice the amount of time I do usually to get to my apartment. As we reached the building I lived in, he asked me once we were in the elevator.

" Did Yongguk-hyung not want to take me to his house ?

— Hmm ?

— One time he told me he would pick me to his house…

— You didn’t want to come with me ? ” I asked a small smirk at the corner of my lips as I watched him blushing. The reason why he wanted to go live with Yongguk-hyung was obvious for everybody.

" That’s not that … I … he .. promised and .. I wanted to see where he lived …

— Hmm.. I understand that, but that also mean you don’t want to see my place ?

— No ! I want too ! I…

— Haha, sorry, I’m teasing you. Don’t worry, if he promised you he will take you to his place. If not now, then later … ” I said and he hummed in response, I grabbed him back by his arm to put it again over my shoulders and walked out of the elevator. He stayed silent until we arrived in front my door, I searched my keys through my pockets.

" How can you be so sure about it ?

— If he promised, he will. That’s as simple as that. ” I smiled to him and we could hear the key unlocking the door.

There wasn’t anything fancy about my place like it was for the others, it was just the typical type. I had to agree it was a tad too spacious for a single person, but Daehyun wouldn’t have let me get a smaller place. It was easy to guess he wasn’t the one to clean, and I hadn’t workers like him … I liked to stay simple and I’m sure it was with me that Junhong would be more comfortable. Because let’s say things, he may had fool the others, but it wasn’t working with me. It was too obvious he wasn’t a rich kid, nor was he part of the genius side of the school. I didn’t know how an average boy like him had made it to MAMA, no one could be so lucky. That’s why he had always picked my interest.

I watched him amused as he was looking at my place with his mouth slightly opened in awe and his eyes shining. As I said, my place was what a normal student of MAMA would find average, but it wasn’t the reaction he got. That’s how I got my suspicion confirmed, he wasn’t the wealthy kid he told us he was, the story about his father’s company going bankrupt was simply a lie. But I hadn’t any grudge against him about that because I could understand. After all, I wasn’t the ‘wealthy’ type of kid either. I just had an excellent brain, because being only smart wouldn’t have assure me a place in MAMA -beside being friend with Daehyun-, I had to be a genius. My brain was all I had and it was what caused my loss … but also it was what had saved my life.

**FLASHBACK**

_**YOUNGJAE : 9 YEARS OLD** _   
_**DAEHYUN  : 10 YEARS OLD** _

" If you keep gambling we will have problems… " I complained annoyingly, but not too loud to not wake up my sleeping mother upstairs. I was sitting on the first step of the stairways when my father closed the entrance door behind him, moving slowly thinking he was making less noise like this. As if it would change the hour it was, because he was coming home much later than the time he had told my mother earlier in the evening.

" Ah… Youngjae-ah… Why aren’t you sleeping yet ? " He peeked at me and smiled drunkenly, having hard time to remove his shoes. My mother and I knew perfectly that he went out to gamble and as soon as he would win anything, he would spent it all on drinks and other things. " Do you know Santa Claus is watching over you the whole year ? You won’t get a present if you don’t sleep when you should… " he chuckled approaching me, he cupped my face and squished my cheeks, acting as if I was some stupid kid.

" Dad… I am not stupid… It is if you keep gambling that I won’t have a present… " I sighed pushing his hands away from my face, I stood up as he blinked at me, probably not understanding what I had implied. I watched him pitifully, because I couldn’t look up to him, he was far from being the father figure I read in book or see in movies. " Night. " I mumbled and turning my back to him, I started climbing the stairs while I heard him making his way toward the kitchen.

My parents were stupid, my father was a gambler and my mother was just some brainless housewife. There were really nothing more to say about them, and apart for the some physical resemblance, I had nothing in common with them. I always wondered how I could be that smart with those two weak-minded as parents, nature always manages to surprise us. 

There wasn’t a day without me making my mother cry. She was so dumb, whenever she didn’t know how to get herself out of an embarrassing situation, she would just start crying. That’s how she probably met my father, I had never been interested in how they were or met before I was born, that story wasn’t worth my time to listen to. What’s important was present, and right now, at the age I had, I couldn’t even hold a conversation with her. Not because I was too young, but it was the other way around. She always says something stupid making her look stupid, and that annoyed me. 

" Those rich people… they think they are better than everybody ! " she said one day we were watching the news on TV, they were talking about wealthy people’s taxes. I didn’t mind people saying what they thought, but them just repeating what they heard others saying without understanding why, that was what get on my nerves.

" In one way they are. They have money which means they’re doing great job. Money does not fall from the sky. But un-wealthy people like to think they are smarter, and if not, at least better persons than them. " I sighed watching the TV screen with a bored eye. We were eating at the same table on the kitchen, her sitting in front of me. From the corner of my eyes I saw her looking at me, shocked.

" You don’t know about this… You don’t know anything. You’re too young. "

I sighed again looking at her before watching the plate in front of me, pricking the bite of meat I had just cut. ” It’s you who don’t know anything- ” I couldn’t continue what I was about to say because of the hand landing on my cheek and her shrilled voice murdering my ears.

" Don’t talk to your mother like that ! What’s wrong with this kid ? " She stood up and I watched her back, feeling like my right cheek was on fire.

" What’s wrong with  _this_  kid is that his parents are just so silly ! ” I tightened my hold on my cutlery knowing perfectly it would come again, and I was right. Except that this time it was on my left cheek but it didn’t overawe me. I watched her back again, right into her eyes. ” You’re that stupid I wonder if you’re even aware that you’re hitting me because you know I’m right !? ” I released my knife and fork and stood up, which didn’t make any different on the height scale.

" Shut up ! " She slapped me again, alternating between my right and left cheeks. I raised my arms to cover my face as I took a step back, but I wasn’t about to hit back. Hell, it wouldn’t have mattered even if I tried so why bother myself to try something I knew would fail ?

" The more you’re hitting me the more you’re giving me reason ! " I said behind my crossed arms and suddenly she pushed me, making me trip over my feet and I fall backward on the floor. I didn’t have the time to proceed anything, she was already on me strangling me. God, I would never understand people overreacting using violence, just because they didn’t know how to use words…

" SHUT UP ! SHUT UP ! SHUT UP ! " She burst crying, her tears falling on my face. My vision started to get blurred and in a attempt of survival from my body, I grabbed her wrists trying to pull it away from my throat. But I was only nine …

Thanks, my father finally decided to move his lazy ass from the sofa in the living room to come see what was happening. Seriously, hearing all the cries and bursting, couldn’t he have come earlier ? He stepped in the kitchen and his eyes widened when he saw the scene in front of him. ” What are you doing ?! ” he held my mother from behind, passing his arms around her chest as he removed her from top of me.

" Something’s wrong with that kid !! " She cried in his arms, and guess what … he took her side as he always did, just because she was crying. Pfff, pathetic.

" YEAH ! YOU’RE JUST SO DUMB !! YOU MUST HAVE MISTAKEN YOUR BABY WITH ME AT THE NURSERY !! IT’S IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO BE MY PARENTS !! " This time it was for my father’s hand to land on my face, it was something else than the little slaps from my mother and her slaps were already hurting so much, no need to say my father’s one had been worst. I bumped into the table behind me, knocking the back of my head on it. Not wanting to be killed by those two retarded people, I ran to my room and locked myself in. Tears in my eyes, not that I was sad from the quarrel, but the hit from the table was hurting like hell, it was only physical pain which started from the back of my head and ended right in my chest, nothing more.

I thought my parents would come after me and beat me up until I wouldn’t be able to open my eyes. I threw myself on my bed waiting for the drumming against my door. I had my pillow over my head but I heard nothing, removing it just to make sure of it, but there were still no sounds coming from outside. It was even a bit too much silent… Standing from my bed, I walked to my door and leaned my ear against the door, I wasn’t fool enough to open it in case they were trying to trick me. But that would mean assuming them to be smarter than what they were, still, I liked to be cautious. I frowned to help myself hear better from the wood surface and I managed to get some sounds of broken crockery, probably coming from the living room. This time, curiosity got reason of me, I was about to open the door to go check what the matter was about when I heard steps approaching. From the heavy sounds of it I knew it wasn’t my mother, yet it didn’t sound like my father either.

Quickly moving away from my door, I saw the handle moving hastily for few times before my door got broken. What, followed after looked like what happens in movies. I blinked at the man in black suit entering my room without even asking me permission. Sure it would sound weird to ask permission to enter after he broke my door, but still, I didn’t like people without manners. I scowled at him but he wasn’t watching me, he was looking around my room and finally when he looked in front of him, he saw me half sitting on my bed, my brows furrowed. He smiled to me and a low yet loud voice left his mouth. ” Look what we have here… what a cute thing. ” He sure was scary with all those scars on his face, but did it give him the permission to call me a ‘thing’ ? Or even ‘cute’ ?

" Don’t you know how to knock on a door ? " Despise what I was feeling inside, my voice remained calm as I scolded him, not caring that he was at least one or two meters taller than me.

" Huh ? " He blinked his small and stupid eyes at me and I rolled mine at him.

"  _Huh ?_ isn’t a response ! You silly ! It’s not even a question ! When you’re in front of a closed door, you knock to ask if you can enter ! But I guess that’s too complicated for you to understand ! ” I burst at him like I would after my parents. Adults my ass, if they were as smart as they like to make kids believe, they better not think we were some stupid shit.

" What !? " The man got worked up -much faster than my parents- he took a step toward me but it didn’t prevent me to sigh loudly while another man -in black suit too- entered my room. " What’s going on ? " He asked, watching alternately between me and the other man.

" what’s going on is that your friend, or whatever he is to you, doesn’t know how to knock on a door. When a room is locked, it means someone locked it. If someone purposely locked it, there must be a reason behind it. I don’t know… maybe he doesn’t want to be disturbed ? Even the worst dumbass on Earth would know this !! " I finally finished and sat on my bed crossing my arms in front my chest, waiting for their next move. They stayed speechless a moment before the first stupid one tried to jump on me but the second -which apparently was less stupid than the first one- stopped him. " Well, if you do not mind, I’d like to go check  _what is going on_ downstairs … ” I said like I wasn’t waiting for them to give me permission,yet I didn’t move from where I was, afraid they would try anything on me, not that I was safer only one meter away from them.

" So… this way young boy… " the second man laughed pushing the first man behind me, making the way clear for me to walk out of my room. He had a big grin on his face as he moved his hand to my door, inviting me to move.

" I know the way. It’s my home if you hadn’t noticed yet… " I mumbled rolling my eyes and I heard the second man chuckling as I walked past him. I had to stay strong, at least at the outside because if I showed them I was scared they would take advantage of the situation.

Once in the living room I saw my parents on their knees, heads on the floor, embracing a man’s feet. The man had his back facing me so I couldn’t see his face. There were many people in black suits in my living room right now, with only one glance I would say about ten without counting the two following me. But in this nightmare sight, there was something disturbing the picture, a boy, around my age, sitting on my sofa and watching happily my parents being frightened while eating my ice cream. It wasn’t hard to get that those people were mafia, but … what ? Why was that boy in there ? And the most important question, why was he eating my ice cream ?! We weren’t rich and I was allowed to get an ice cream only once in two months, I had kept that one for the week-end. Seriously ! I swear if there weren’t that much mafia people in my living room right now, I would have killed him.

" Boss ! Look what we found upstairs. " I was busy killing the boy with my eyes when the second man spoke pushing me from the back, making me enter the living room. All the men, in there, looked at me and even that boy. I caught his eyes on me and he looked frozen. Yeah, I’m sure he got it, he could feel I would make him pay for my ice cream. The said boss was that man my parents were licking the shoes of, he turned to face me and watched me from head to toe before a smile -or was it a smirk ?- appeared on his serious face.

" Well well well. That’s really interesting. " He said with a soft voice which took me by surprise, because I had expected the boss to be scarier than the scarred man. "Approach kid, don’t be scared. " He moved his hand toward me and from the corner of my eyes I saw the boy on the sofa starting to lick my ice cream again.

" I am not scared. " I looked at the man in front of me, trying to not think about the boy and to not be sad over my ice cream. After all, I wasn’t even sure I would survive that night.

" Wow … you’re quite something… " The boss chuckled as I stood now in front him, my parents still on the ground in his back. Usually, adults made fun of my tough character with jokes like he did, but contrary to them, he sounded really impressed so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. " Is he your kid ? " He took a step back turning to his side to look at my parents, so now he was standing in between them and me, making us look like they were kneeling in front of me.

" I am not. " I answered before my dumb parents could say anything stupid. " We just talked about this earlier and we agreed to say they were too stupid to be my parents. " I spit my poison out watching at my parents with disgust and the mafia boss laughed.

" Why are you living here if they’re not your parents ?

— There’s an explanation for everything. She. ” I pointed to my mother, ” is so dumb, I wouldn’t be surprised she confounded me with her baby at the nursery. ” And the boss laughed again. I knew he wasn’t mocking me because it didn’t sound like it. No, he was laughing because I was right, so damn right. I quite liked him, he understood me and truthfully, he was the first person I could speak out my mind to without them calling me a freak or a deranged kid.

" Do you know who I am, kid ? " I looked up to watch his face when he spoke to me, not because I had been raised well, but because I knew manners.

" My father is a gambler. You burst in my room without any warning. About that you have to teach your men how to knock on doors." I felt the man behind me fussing but I ignored him, knowing that he wouldn’t do anything without his boss’s approval. " You’re frightening my parents and they’re begging you to let them more time to pay back. I would be stupid to not know you’re some kind of mafia. " I finished and he laughed again, quickly joined by his other men. I heard a light chuckle coming from the sofa and it was harder than what I thought to not look at the boy. He must had finished my ice cream by now.

" Your son made my day ! I will take him as your caution. " The boss said joyfully petting my head and I heard the boy cheering in the corner.

" They won’t pay. " I said looking away from my parents.

" Why wouldn’t they ? You’re quite incredible ! I think you will do great things.

— I know, but they don’t. They’re too dumb to understand how great I am, that’s why they won’t pay you back. And even if they would, I wouldn’t come back to this place, so they would have paid for nothing… ” This time the boss didn’t laugh, instead he kneeled down in front of me, putting his two big hands on my shoulders and he made me face him to meet my eyes which was easier as he was at my level now.

" What’s your name kiddo ?

— Young Jae.

— My name is Jung Dae Jung. Nice to meet you, Young Jae. ” He reached his hand out to me and I shook it as firmly as I could, to show him how manly I was at the same time I nodded my head. He shot me a smile and winked to me, making me blush slightly while he stood up turning to my parents again. His voice was no more soft like when he was talking with me, and I understood that he had liked me since the moment he saw me.

" Listen. I’ll take him with me. It’s just a waste for him to stay with you. I’ll forget about your debt but never try to look for him. Do you understand ?

— Yes ! Yes ! Thank you ! ” My parents said embracing the boss’s feet again and I wanted to stack up at their nasty behavior. They just sold me out ! I knew it. I knew they weren’t my real parents… Which parents worth the name would sell their kid ?

Without a farewell to my  _family_ nor taking any stuff with me, I followed the men outside. Why would I want to take my ‘belongings’ with me ? Why would I want to take something with me that would make me remember how shitty my parents were ? Outside my house there were five black cars. If I wasn’t feeling weird, I would have roll my eyes at those car, all this looked too much like movies. It was stupid. They made me ride the boss’s car and the young boy followed me to sit next to me. Since earlier he hadn’t stopped watching me, of course he was annoying, but I must have caught a cold or something, I really wasn’t feeling well. So instead of bursting to him to stop looking at me like a creep, I let him do.

Once the car started moving, I didn’t know how long we would take until we reached our destination so I guess I had to try an approach with the boy on the same bench seat as me so he would stop looking at me like I was some piece of meat. I looked at him and he smiled to me, the same smile as the boss. “ I’m Jung Dae Jung’s son, Jung Dae Hyun. ” He reached out his hand to me like his father had done moments ago and I shook it the same way I did. It was the same except from the wink and that right now I felt like I needed to quickly watch away before something bad happened. I watched outside the window, my head hurting like hell and I wondered if it was still because of the table…

" Are you crying because your parents sold you out ? " I heard the boy named Daehyun asking and I didn’t even bother to turn to him to answer him, stupid sentences didn’t deserve me to be nice to the stupid person who said it.

" I never cry. " I answered dryly but my voice was shaky and because I had forced it out, tears fall from my eyes. My vision got blurred suddenly and I was scared. What was happening to me ? I had never felt like this … I bit my bottom lip to prevent it from shaking more without my authorization and I felt warm finger holding my chin softly. It was the boy next me, he had came nearer and was making me turn my face to him.

" It’s okay to cry. You can cry when you are with me. I will protect you. " He said softly to me and his words worked like a magic spell on me, an ugly cry left my mouth and I plunged my face in his chest, trying to make the sobs that followed less loud. The Jung’s father and son were the first of my young life to care that much about me and finally I was no more afraid of what they would do to me. Yet, it didn’t remove the pain I was feeling in my chest since earlier. I cried the whole ride to the Jung’s house. To my new house.

**END FLASHBACK**

We were leaning on my couch, Junhong had his head resting on my chest while I was playing with his hair. I had helped him to take a shower and lent him some clothes, he had suddenly asked me to tell him more about my relation with Daehyun after I had told him I had won that apartment -which building belonged to the Jung gang- because of a bet Daehyun had lost. What could explain our relation the best other than the first day we met ? Truthfully, it was only because I didn’t want to tell Junhong about my life with the mafia. Daehyun was nice to Junhong and he didn’t need the blonde boy to be afraid of him.

" Wow … Hyung you’re daebak !

— Hmm ” I simply hummed, emotions blocking any other comments to leave my lips.

" So you’re like real brothers with Daehyun-hyung ? " He said turning his head to look at me and I watched him back, not answering already. I thought a little moment about it before answering him.

" I prefer to speak about our relationship like predestinated. Yes, that’s it. We’re not like brothers, we’re more like … soul mates. "


	26. Zelo

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

JUNE

Youngjae-hyung’s apartment was amazing. It was only one level, but the whole apartment was as big as my house which was on two levels. Entering it everything was so clean it was easy to see that Youngjae-hyung was the maniac style. I wondered if he had workers to help him clean or cook for him. But there weren’t anyone, and even within the month I lived with him I had saw no one. So I helped him with the laundry and such. He taught me how to cook something else than just some soup and it was amazing all the things he knew. I mean, I did heard before that he was the genius type, but it’s always more impressive to see it with my own eyes. We parted the chores between us two, while he would clean the living and kitchen, I would do the same for the bathroom and bedroom. That was the only rooms he had but I’m sure we could fit the whole band in there. Youngjae-hyung confessed to me that he liked my help and wished I would keep living with him. He didn’t want to live with anyone else because he didn’t like  _dumb_  people as he said. I didn’t feel really at ease with that, because I wasn’t the bright style either.

I wished I could stay for that long but in some part of me, I also wished for Yongguk-hyung to take me to his place. If I could live with him the same way I did with Youngjae-hyung, it would be paradise on Earth and I would never want to leave the place he lived in, wherever it would be. Youngae-hyung told me his house was the most simple among the whole band, so I imagined Yongguk-hyung living in a sort of castle. Somehow, it would suit him well. I wished then that I had the same relation with him that Youngjae-hyung had with Daehyun-hyung. The two were so close and understood each other so easily, I still felt like a stranger with Yongguk-hyung, like I didn’t deserve to speak with him, or even to stand by his side. I also wished that I was as smart and courageous as Youngjae-hyung, in the end, we had lived the same thing, almost. But what differentiated us was too big for me to pretend to be like him, he was so smart and he had Daehyun-hyung.

Packing my stuff like every Monday, I put a cross on the calendar, wondering if I still had long time to wait. Yongnam-hyung came everyday to the school but he didn’t go to classes, he just spent his days in the basement or would go out from time to time, to go god knows where. I wondered if he was even searching for a new apartment for himself … I was scared to ask him why he didn’t go to live with his parents, afraid to offend him and Yongguk-hyung, because what if it was something like Youngjae-hyung, I understood he wouldn’t tell me about it. So the only choice left for me was to wait. Youngjae-hyung told me Yongnam-hyung was too picky and that was the reason why he put that much time, but I wondered how he could even search for a place to live in by spending his days in the basement. I think he knew it was annoying, from the way he always smiled to me, he had to know how annoyed I was, but I couldn’t say anything, because he was my Hyung and more important, he was Yongguk-hyung’s Hyung.

At school I spent my days with Yongguk-hyung and his band when I wasn’t in class, I ate with them everyday and stayed with them in the basement when I wouldn’t have any courses. Sometimes Youngjae-hyung and Daehyun-hyung would try to drag me out the school to go have fun somewhere, to go to cinema and such ; but Yongguk-hyung always saved me from them, reminding them about all the hard time I had to get in MAMA and that it was normal that I wanted to attend my courses. In the evening I walked home with Youngjae-hyung, he didn’t like to take the car or a taxi to go to his place, he said it was rich people habits and he didn’t like to take the bus because it was bonded with dumb people. So we walked everyday, the first days I had hard time to walk at the same speed as him, but I guessed it was just because I wasn’t used to walk that much. He was living even farther than I did and he did put less time than I did when I would come home to my parents’ place. Guess it was just a question of training, as soon I could even hold a conversation while we would walk. He confessed a lot of things to me as he didn’t feel lonely anymore and as he was always talking non-stop, he did great keeping me from thinking about my family. Youngjae-hyung had said I could stay as long as I wanted, and that I would go back see my parents when I would be ready but I felt like I would never be able to forgive them for what they did. But that, I didn’t tell my Hyung.

Even if it was heaven with my Hyungs, it was hell with my classes. No that they bullied me nor completely ignored me. They were aware of my existence, but they avoided me. Not because I had a scary bully after me this time, but because I had scary Hyungs. They thought I was as scary as them but that was completely wrong and whatever I would say, they didn’t want to believe me. I didn’t understand people who liked others to fear them. I couldn’t stand it. It made me feel like a monster.

That Monday, I was about to make my way to my classroom when Daheyun-hyung and Youngjae-hyung, who were walking the opposite way than most of the students walking to their courses, walked to me and each one of them grabbed me by my arms. They started dragging me toward the exit and I struggled in their hold. “ Come on ! It’ll be funny ! ” They were trying to convince me even though they didn’t need as they were stronger than me. I started to surrender and was resolved to follow them so they released me when I saw Wonshik coming our way running. I had never been that happy to see him late to school. I grabbed him by his arm when he passed by us. “ Sorry guys ! I need to go to class ! I’m not as smart as a certain Yoo Youngjae nor some mafia gang’s son. See you later Hyungs ! ” I shouted to them running off still holding Wonshik by his arm. I slowed down once we were out of Daehyun-hyung and Youngjae-hyung’s reach. I stopped to look at Wonshik but I didn’t let go of him yet. He watched me back with his frightened eyes, his whole body shaking in fear.

I pinched my lips looking at him and slowly released him, I wanted him to stop fearing me because he had really no reason to. I wanted him to talk back to me and to laugh with me again as we used to be. I wondered if that was what Yongguk-hyung had felt the first week I had spent with him.

" Wonshik …

— I-I… I’m sorry…

— What are you sorry for ?

— … I… I couldn’t help you with…

— It’s okay. I was the one to tell you to not interfere. I didn’t want you to be hurt because you were my first friend here … and I want us to be friends again ” I smiled shyly to him rubbing my nape awkwardly with my hand.

" Don’t you hate me ? " He blinked his wide eyes at me and I blinked back at him. First wondering why he would think such a thing. But I soon remembered the way he had turned his back to me. Of course I had been upset and wanted to burst to him, to tell him to go to hell for what he had done but I didn’t think it would fix things between us. So I shook my head.

" Hnn, I really want us to be friend.

— … me too … ” He smiled back shyly to me. I guess he must feel as awkward as me, it was just weird to act all friendly again when he did spent his first months of school to hate or avoid me like the plague.

When we came back to class they all watched us shocked, as if it was something amazing that we were together. I excused ourselves to the teacher using Daehyun-hyung as an excuse so she wouldn’t dare to ask us questions as why we were late, and even less to punish us. Daehyun-hyung had gave me permission to use his name whenever I would have some problems, I didn’t like to do that, but this time it had been really because of him so I guessed it was fine. I winked to Wonshik playfully, in a way so the teacher wouldn’t see me and went to my seat. It felt good to reconnect friendship. The first minutes everybody in the room looked unsure, scared that anything would happen whenever we pronounced Daehyun-hyung’s name, as if they were waiting for the classroom or even the school to explode in the seconds that would follow my hyung’s name being used.

At the intercourses, the girl siting in front Wonshik always turned round to talk with him. She was the one he was hanging out with everyday while we had been separated, grabbing my seat I made my way toward them to join them. The girl watched me scared of what I would do to Wonshik and didn’t dare to speak.

"Hi," I smiled to her as I sat down in the middle of the hallway, resting my forearms on Wonshik’s table, I was then sitting between the two. She nodded to me without answering back.

"This is Min Rin. Han Min Rin." Wonshik introduced her to me, probably knowing she wouldn’t do it herself.

"Nice to meet you Min Rin." I smiled to her again and she blushed hard at my words. We talked a bit about new trends with Wonshik. I had done well to keep myself informed about that kind of stuff, he really did love mode. Maybe somewhere deep within myself I had hoped one day I would talk back to Wonshik. 

For the lunch time I let the two left alone as I ate with my Hyungs, I knew they needed some time before accepting me back completely with them and also I think my Hyungs wouldn’t be so pleased with me abandonning them suddenly to go with my friends. After lunch, with my Hyungs, we were at the playground outside when Wonshik came looking for me. We were all leaning on the ground enjoying the warm sun on our skin. I was leaning next Yongguk-hyung and I had my eyes closed as he was playing with my hair. It had become a habit for him to always have his fingers intertwined in my curly hair.

" Is there something you want kiddo ? " Himchan-hyung asked out suddenly, making us all look at him, wondering to whom he was talking. I smiled to Wonshik and I saw he looked as surprised as me, the first time Himchan-hyung had asked me the same question. He was really a careful Sunbaenim for all the students in school.

" I-I… Junhong… " he stuttered shyly pointing a finger toward me and I sat up, Yongguk-hyung following me. I glanced at him and I saw he was frowning to me while all my other Hyungs turned to me, asking me with their gaze if I knew the boy. I smiled to them and slowly stood up to go near Wonshik. I knew he wanted to ask me something but I also knew he was be too frightened by all my Hyungs around him to simply say whatever he had to ask, out loud like this. Mostly when Yongguk-hyung was killing him with his eyes. Maybe Yongguk-hyung thought he was another kid who tried to bully me but I tried to reassure him by putting my arm around Wonshik’s shoulders.

" I’m going with Wonshik a few minutes Hyungs, see you later ! " I said joyfully and I saw all of them relaxing a bit except for Yongguk-hyung. I did tell him about Wonshik before, that we had been friends and we had made peace. So why was he still acting like this ? I didn’t know. Watching Wonshik I nodded to him as I removed my arm from his shoulders, I started walking toward the school and he followed me. Yongguk-hyung was still on my mind as we walked in silence with Wonshik, sometimes I had the impression I could confess to him but other times I realized how stupid it would sound. He just considered me as his little brother, nothing less but nothing more either.

We entered the school and there weren’t that much people in the corridors so it wasn’t hard to find a place with no one to disturb us, ” Is there a problem ? ” I asked, turning to him while plunging my hands in my pockets.

" N-no… not really… well … there is but … I just … I just wanted to ask you how you got rid of Kyubong…

— Oh… Why do you want to know ? Is someone bullying you ?

— No! Not me… it’s Minrin…

— What ? Why someone would bother a girl as cute as her ?

— I asked myself the same thing when it was for you..

— Oh… hum… well Daehyun-hyung did …

— Oh…

— Who’s bothering Minrin ?

— Some girls… They saw us this morning… When you came to my table… you talked to Minrin…

— And ?

— And they didn’t like it…

— I still don’t understand…

— They don’t want us to be anywhere near you, even less for Minrin and me to talk to you…Well, more Minrin…

— It’s none of their business…

— I know… but seems like they don’t think that way… They came to warn Minrin to not get near you ever again…

— What’s the problem about Minrin being near me ?

— Don’t you know ?

— …no. ” I blinked at him and he sighed shaking slowly his head.

" They like you Junhong…

— They … like me ?

— They’re quite like your fan club…The whole school knows them.

— My … fan club ?

— They proclaim you theirs to everyone and frighten anyone who crosses you path…

— They proclaim me theirs ? ” I kept blinking at him not believing anything of what he was saying, was he making fun of me ? He sighed again.

" Are you planning to help me to find a way to get rid of them or just to repeat each word I say ?

— It’s no big deal if they just warn her one time…

— It’s not the first time…

— I never talked to Minrin before.

— No. But one day she was seating next to you and you picked up her eraser.

— That’s silly… It’s not like she was glued to me …

— Another day she was before you in the canteens queue…

— That’s … If it’s just warn-

— They did not just warn Minrin. It’s usual girl’s bully thing : water splashed on her while she’s in toilet. Cutter in her pencil case. Her locker ravaged and so on. I already told them to leave Minrin alone but they wouldn’t listen to me. ”

I was speechless. What was that shit ? Within 5 minutes, I just learned I had a sort of fan club in school and that they were bullying my friend’s girlfriend. First of all, it was just weird for me to have a fanclub like .. seriously, I could understand if Yongguk-hyung had one, or even any of my other Hyungs, but me ? I had nothing and I was nothing. Who would be a ’fan’ of me .. I really wondered. But yet, if Wonshik said that like this, I don’t think it was prank, maybe it was for that reason that Minrin hadn’t want to talk to me earlier. Which meant that only me could do something. I was about to say something when the bell rang.

" Go back to class. I will find something to help your girlfriend.

— Oh - my .. she… she’s not my girlfriend… ” he mumbled blushing and scratching the back of his neck. I chuckled watching him being uneasy like this, I guess he hadn’t accepted his own feelings for her and I could understand as I had felt the same in the first days I couldn’t stop thinking about Yongguk-hyung.

" Oh… okay. Well your future girlfriend ! " I winked to him before heading back to my Hyungs.

" What did he want from you ? " I walking nearer to them at the playground, none of them had moved when they had heard the bell ringing, guess they didn’t planned to go to their courses this afternoon. They were all so curious, but the most of them was Himchan-hyung.

" He asked me to help him-

— With what ? ” I hadn’t even the time to finish my sentence that Youngjae-hyung asked me that question.

" His girlfriend. She’s being bullied by my fans because they think Minrin is-

— You have fans ? ” Daehyun-hyung laughed and I pouted to him.

" I-

— Girl’s bulling is the worst… I don’t want to take care of this case. ” Jongup-hyung said bored cutting me when I was about to answer Daehyun-hyung, and what ? A case ? I wondered if he was joking or not, it was always hard to understand when he was taking something seriously or not.

" This case ?

— Are you close to her ? ” Yongguk-hyung frowned to me and I looked at him weirdly but I had no time to analyze him. I answered him slowly, unsure of what to answer but I guess saying the truth was the best.

" No. I talked to her for the first time this morning…

— Minrin ? … I think I already heard about her ” Himchan-hyung said pensive. I watched him amazed, he knew a lot of things like Youngjae-hyung, he was aware and knew each one of the bullies in school, so he was the one to decide which one they shall take care of. I wondered if he knew each person of the school.

" You did ?

— Yeah… She’s not really my priority now. There’s still this boy’s locker affair…

— It’s okay. I will.

— You ? ” They all asked at the same time and watched me as if I had said something unbelievable.

" They’re already afraid of me…

— Can’t he defend his girlfriend by himself ? ” I blinked at Yongguk-hyung who was still frowning to me. He … kind of looked like he was sulking but I had no guess about what he would be about.

" I really want to help them Hyung ! I want to help you too with the bully thing ! I don’t want any more bullying, and even less when a friend is implied ! " I tried to convince him and I was ready to do that for hours, but finally I hadn’t even.

" Okay, we’re leaving it in your hands ! " He smiled softly to me and ruffled my hair. Finally, my plea were working better than what I thought.

" Thank you Hyung. "

We stood up and I followed them, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate in class until this ‘case’ as Jongup-hyung called it, would be done. Yongguk-hyung put his arm around my shoulder while we were heading to the basement and I looked up at him.

" Do you have any idea how you will deal with it?

— Not really… What shall I do Hyung ?

— Hmm… just act the way you think is the fairer. I know you will do the right thing and I will cover you if anyone complains. Just let me know if it doesn’t go the way you planned it.

— Thank you Hyung. ” I smiled resting my head on his shoulder and he squeezed me quickly before stepping into the basement after my others Hyungs.

Yongguk-hyung turned on his screens and when he turned on the one in the girl’s restroom, I saw Minrin inside with other girls surrounding her. It didn’t take long for me to understand who they were and I ran there. I slowed down when I reached the door, suddenly wondering what shall I do. I had no idea of how I should help her but I knew that I had to do something. My stomach shrunk and I started to be afraid of the girls … What if they picked on me thereafter ? The gap between Love and Hate is really tiny and it was always easier to turn Love into Hate than the reverse. I didn’t want my fans to hate me. Even if I didn’t know why they liked me, it was quite flatter that they did.

I thought Yongguk-hyung was watching over me from his screens, that he would come to rescue me if I had any problem. I took a deep breath and entered calmly in the girl’s bathroom. They were surrounding Minrin, spraying water on her with a water jet. Minrin was leaning on the floor, hiding her face in her arms. They stopped what they were doing when they heard me entered. It quite made me think of myself when I had been in a similar position, but I wouldn’t act the same way my Hyungs did.

" What th- " the one holding the water jet started to shout turning to me. They gasped when their eyes landed on my face and the one I thought would be the leader let the water jet fall on the floor. They didn’t say anything and all blushed hard as their eyes fall down to their shoes. Finally, it would be easier than what I had thought. I grabbed a towel walking to Minrin, I kneeled down next her and covered her with it. She looked up at me and I smiled softly to her. She had puffy red eyes. I helped her to get on her feet and I took her in my arms, her head resting on my chest. I turned to the other girls who were watching us boiling in rage.

" Why are you doing this to her ? " I asked as softly and innocently as I could. But I got no answers. They just kept looking to their feet. " In fact. I know why you are doing this. I just wanted you to tell me with your own words. " Their body started to shake but I didn’t know if it was from fear or something else. One of them was already crying silently.

" I don’t like it. " I started to walk but Minrin couldn’t follow me so I carried her bridal style. I could feel Minrin’s heat from all her blushing. Once at the door I turned round to the other girls who were all staying silent. " I hope you’ll never do this again. If you ever try to pick on Minrin or any other girl or boy, I’ll know it and this time, don’t think you’ll avoid your punishment. It’s a good thing you’re all acting repentant now so I can’t see your faces. Like this I won’t recognize you. If you want my attention just come talk to me. Don’t act creepy like this. " I finished my monolog and went out letting them thinking about what I had just said, hoping it would have the effects I wanted it to.

I brought Minrin to the nurse office. The nurse changed her into dry clothes and put her in a bed. I checked on her a last time and before I left Minrin grabbed me by my sleeve, ” thank you. ” She said with a little voice and not looking me in the eyes. ” You’re welcome. But thanks Wonshik too. It’s him who told me about this. ” I petted her head as she nodded to me, and I went back to the basement.

" YEEEEAAAAHHHHH " All my Hyungs jumped on me as soon as I stepped into the basement. I looked around amazed, they had decorated the room as if we were about to celebrate something and I wondered what before I saw a big banner with written on it [Congrats to Junhong’s first case]. I chuckled looking at him and let my Hyungs congratulating me. They really liked to party a bit too much, anything was a good pretext to be celebrated. I went to sit on the couch next Yongguk-hyung who gave me a glass of orange juice, he clinked his own against mine. " Well done Zelo !

— Zelo ?

— Yeah, your nickname. I found it when you entered the girls’ change room. ” he smiled widely to me, proud of the new found nickname and I wondered what he could have been thinking about so he had came out with a nickname

" Means ?

— Many things. Dedication, emulation, eager rivalry, envy, jealousy, and zeal…

— Not very flattering… ” I pouted and laughing pinching my cheek.

" He’s the god of Chaos !

— Still not that much flattering and still don’t understand why … ” I kept pouting but this time he just laughed happily without giving further explanations. Weird. My Hyung was weird but I liked him this way … I loved him this way.


	27. Chaos

** YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW **

> _" He’s the god of Chaos !_
> 
> _— Still not that much flattering and still don’t understand why …_ _“_

I could just laugh at the face he was doing because I seriously couldn’t tell him the true explanation behind his new nickname. What I had been thinking about when I got his nickname was just plain stupid and I didn’t want him to mock me or even to give him that kind of image of myself. I did think about his nickname when he had burst out the basement after he saw this girl on the screen. I did felt strange. I didn’t want him to go to this girl, I didn’t want him to go far from me, but it would have sounded weird if I had prevented him to right after I had given him my permission. What annoyed me was that I didn’t understand why he wanted to protect her so bad ? It wasn’t like they were best friends because he had just met her today … It wasn’t possible to grow that fond of someone within that short time, but thinking well about it, I did grow that fond of him in less time that he had spend with the girl. What if he felt the same way as me when I saw him for the first time ?

He could. After all, it wasn’t like if he belonged to me. He was like a little brother to me and I knew how hard it was to have someone to look after you and wanting to control every one of your moves. I shouldn’t be like this with him, I knew what I felt for him but I had never thought of how he could feel toward me. It hadn’t looked that important at first, before he left to join that girl. I knew that he had been afraid of me in the beginning, but now ? He didn’t look scared of me anymore but yet I didn’t know if he felt as good as I did when I was with him. The more I thought about it, the more strange I felt about my feelings for him. Was it normal for a big brother to want to screw up theses girls who were making my Junhong away from me …

…

…

What did I just say ?! MY Junhong ? Was I becoming like Himchan ? No, that was impossible. I couldn’t … Junhong was way too young and on top of all he was a boy ! … screw that … Not in this order, I should;ve  said that he was a boy and way too young ! … I couldn’t decide which one was the worst …

I couldn’t be in love with him like my brother liked to tell me. Sure he was cute and I wanted to protect him, to keep him for me, to make him happy. Something I had never felt toward anyone, but … maybe it was just normal to feel like this toward a boy I considered as my little brother ? To wrap my arms around his frail body and to pull him against me, to warm him up when he would be cold and to kiss him to soften his suffering… Yes. Junhong was the God of Chaos.

Of the Chaos in my heart.

I tried not to think about it as we wandered in the school. We had wanted some time alone, only the two of us, so we let everybody at the basement and we kept chatting, time was passing by so fast when we were talking together.

" If I’m god of chaos, what are you ? You’re worst than Chaos… " he mumbled suddenly, his pouting lips were really tempting at the moment but I couldn’t let myself be. I blinked to get rid of the images in my head and chuckled to hide the fact that my ears were becoming red.

" Haha, you’re still on that matter ? … I don’t know … what should I be ? " I laughed lightly but suddenly I felt like I was wearing the world’s misery on my shoulders. My heart was beating fast and I suddenly felt scared of his answer. What was I for you Junhong ? We fell silent for a moment as I waited for his answer and I didn’t dare to look at him.

" Mom ?

— Yah !! You kiddo ! I’m not your mom ! Is being a mom really worse than Chaos ? ” I laughed again but stopped when I looked at him. He had stopped walking so I was a bit ahead of him, he was watching something behind me. I turned round and saw the slut entering the school. She looked sick and I felt proud I was the reason of it. But why was she here ? Didn’t she have enough last time. I frowned as I was slowly putting things in order in my mind, I thought back at what Zelo had just said… ” Mom ? ” I murmured to myself turning back to him but he had disappeared. I searched for him and saw him hiding in the corridors’ nook.

" What the-

— Shh ” he shushed me and made a sign with his hand for me to come near him. I approached him and looked back to the slut, once she entered the director’s office I took my attention back to Zelo.

" Why are you hiding ?

— I don’t want her to see me.

— Who ?

— My mother. ” I frowned at him as if it would help to get rid of the dizziness that was seizing me, everything connected in my head. The day everything went wrong in Zelo’s house was the same I had destroyed this slut life … Shit.

" She’s … your mother ? " I asked carefully, hoping that I was wrong. He nodded and I cursed again in my head. I closed my eyes and rubbed it with my fingers trying to think straight about the situation. What shall I do ? Why was this happening to me ? To him ? To us ? I usually found solutions pretty quickly but right now my mind didn’t want to work, I didn’t know what to do nor what to think. I wanted to protect him but I had been the one who had destroyed his life.

_❝_ _Mister Choi Jun Hong is required to the director’s office._ _❞_

" Your first name is Choi ? " I asked and he nodded again. I mentally facepalmed myself. Why didn’t I ask him before ? It would have prevented both of us to suffer. Then I remembered when I had asked him his name…

_"What’s your name kid ?_

_— Jun Hong… C-_

_— Junhong-ah ? ” I repeated after him, he had talked that lowly I had barely heard him with the other being so noisy around us. He nodded shyly watching to his feet and I smiled at him._

_" Jun Hong … " I repeated to myself watching in front us._ _" I won’t forget. "_

_❝_ _Mister Choi Jun Hong is required to the director’s office._ _❞_

" You should go… " I said to him seriously, turning to the director’s office, at least I should walk him to there but as I made my way toward it, I heard him running away.

 

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

I was so lost. I hadn’t expected to meet my mother right now, I didn’t want to see her now. I wasn’t ready for that already. The memory of her hitting me in the kitchen came back to my mind and it was like my body remembered it too, I ran away from her without even having to think about it. As I ran in the corridors I heard Yongguk-hyung after me, calling me my name but it looked far. My mind didn’t want to hear anything, not until I would be in a safe place, in my safe place. Finally I reached the basement and I burst in. Yongnam-hyung was sitting on the couch, he was eating some snacks reading newspapers, he blinked at me and at Yongguk-hyung who burst in too after me.

" Why did you run away ? You are asked to the director’s-

— I don’t want to go. ” I hadn’t intended to cut him mid-sendence, but I felt scared he wouldn’t want to hear what I had to say. It was the first time I replied back this way to him, and even to anyone.

" Why that ? " He frowned to me, trying to understand me as he took a step nearer to me. I didn’t know why, but I did take a step back to keep a distance between us. He noticed it and frowned even more.

" I don’t want to see her.

— Her … you mean … your mother ?

— Ahh… ” Yongnam-hyung just commented and peaking at him, I saw him folding his newspaper with a smile appearing at the corner of his mouth, he looked at us as if he was watching some interesting drama but didn’t said anything more. What was going on ? Why were they acting like they knew my mother ? I nodded to Yongguk-hyung and he sighed.

" I’m sorry Jun Hong but when you’re asked to the director you have to go. " he said to me seriously and I looked at him shocked. I thought he would have let me stay here, until now he had always allowed me to do what I wanted, or at least he had never forced me to do something I didn’t want. He knew I didn’t want only because I wasn’t ready for it. Also, the way he just called me pained me. He had found me a nickname and now he called me by my name, I’m sure he did it on purpose, like he wanted to put some distance between us. Why was he like this ? Why was he acting weird since the moment he saw my mother. Did he really know her ? I was so confused and pained. My eyes started getting wet for the first time since I was hanging out with him, since the last time I had saw my mother. I felt something wasn’t right, like before a quarrel and I didn’t want it to happen. I felt so hopeless like when we don’t want something to occur but we don’t have the strength to, like shouting into the wind to not bring us any storm. Yongguk-hyung was acting cold and peeking at Yongnam-hyung I saw he was acting like he didn’t care, or more like he knew this would have happened one day. Watching back to Yongguk-hyung, his eyes usually full of warmth were now as cold as ice, he was watching me as if I was some kid he didn’t know and didn’t want near him.

" I-I don’t- " I stuttered, the words blocked in my throat, my Hyung was so impressive right at that moment, I even wondered if I still had the right to call him ‘my Hyung’.

" Well… you can’t stay here. " His voice was as cold as his eyes and he didn’t try to do anything to change it. I was searching through my mind what I could have done to deserve such a reaction from him. I didn’t know what I’ve done to make him this upset, I didn’t want him to hate me. If it was only me not going to the director’s place, I would sure obey asap just to please him, but my body and mind refused to, I couldn’t meet my mother yet.

" W-Why ? " I asked even if I didn’t want to hear the answer. Youngjae-hyung’s words turning in my head, when he told me I could stay with them, with him as long as I needed, until I would be ready. I wasn’t ready, so why ? Why did he want me to go to her ? He knew perfectly I couldn’t.

" Because I said so.

— H-H-Hyung… ” My eyes got even more teary and I tried to plead him with everything I got, my voice didn’t want to say out loud the words I needed to convince him, as if my body already knew it was a lost cause. 

" Get out. " His voice got firmer as he ordered me. No. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want this to happen. Not with Yongguk-hyung, I wouldn’t survive it. I started to pray withing myself, hoping for everything to be a nightmare and for me to wake up soon. I was frozen on place, my feet stuck on the ground. " GET OUT ! " I flinched as he yelled at me but still I couldn’t move. Nor could I believe what was going on. I didn’t understand anything. This couldn’t be happening right now, right ? Youngjae-hyung… please… wake me up… " GET THE HELL OUT ! " Yongguk-hyung burst to me.

Now he was really angry after I wasn’t obeying him. I hoped I had never witnessed this, not toward me. I was scared. I had never been this scared. Not even when I had bumped into theses mafia guys… I was scared and pained. I felt like my chest was being opened in half and that someone was trying to tear out my heart, I had hard time to breath and this time my legs moved by itself. First, I stumbled a bit backward toward the door, my eyes still on Yongguk-hyung in case he would have change his mind. As he kept his cold glare on me, I turned round and I ran. I ran outside the basement, I ran outside the school. I couldn’t see where I was going because of my tearful eyes. But there was one thing that I knew. I had walked this path every mornings and evenings since a month. I was heading to the only person I could head to now that Yongguk-hyung was angry at me. I was heading to my other protective Hyung. To Youngjae-Hyung’s.

Please.

Wake me up.

Now.


	28. I still don't care

** DAEHYUN POINT OF VIEW **

We were in Youngjae’s kitchen, preparing dinner for the three of us while we waited for Junhong to come home. Usually Youngjae and him would walk home together, but Junhong was with Yongguk-hyung at the moment and Youngjae had wanted to go home. We decided it was good to let those two together and I didn’t want Youngjae to walk home alone. It had been a moment since I had came here and watching everywhere in the house I felt a bit jealous, there were Junhong’s stuff everywhere, and to think the two slept in the same bed. I felt jealous yet, it looked fine. I wouldn’t have let something like that happened if I hadn’t been okay with it. Youngjae had always been and will always be mine. I wanted to the be the one to live with him but that stubborn kid wouldn’t just let me, saying I had my own home, from which he had run away.

> ✉ From Yongguk-hyung
> 
> → Don’t keep Jun Hong to your place.

The message was short and clear, no explanation given. It always annoyed each one of us when he would do something like that, but we knew it was no use to ask him for some explanation. I looked at Youngjae and from the face he was making looking at his phone, I guessed he had received the same message. His hands were slightly shaking and I knew what would come. Finally, I felt glad I was with him while something like that happened.

"What’s that ?" he asked me dazed, slowly moving his wet eyes to meet mine.

"How would I know ? I was with you all the time since we left them, and they didn’t look like they were about to argue or anything…" I simply hoped Yongguk hadn’t tried anything sinful toward the young boy. Frowning, I was thinking deeply and fast of all the reasons that Yongguk could have or come up with to ask us such a thing. But after all, he had been the one bringing Junhong in our band, so it just looked natural that he would be the one to kick him out, did he grow up tired of him ? But that looked impossible.

"What are you doing ?" Youngjae asked me following me as I was making my way toward his and Junhong shared room, I grabbed a bag and started to gather the boy’s stuffs. I turned to him, "look at your face… you know perfectly what I’m doing." I said watching his tearful face.

"You can’t…" he whinned with a weak voice, which was really annoying me. Why was he always reacting like this ? And mostly for a boy we barely met few months ago. I knew him for years and he had never been the same with me. I felt more and more jealous of the boy, wondering what he had so good in him for the whole band to grow up found of him that much and that quickly. So maybe it was the reason why Yongguk-hyung wanted him to not stay at Youngjae’s place. He was making us weak.

"No.  **You**  can’t !” I warned him taking a step toward him, I had finished to gather Junhong’s stuffs there while he had just watched me from the room’s entrance. He stepped aside to let me out because he knew he wouldn’t win against me.

I gathered the rest of Junhong’s belongings, from the bathroom and living, and when I was done the doorbell rang. I let the bag drop to catch Youngjae before he could open it. We fought silently as I had my hand on his mouth telling him to not make any noise, but he kept struggling in my hold. I managed to drag him to the bathroom where I threw him inside before closing and locking the door. I sighed walking back to the bag and went to the door entrance. I waited a short moment, suddenly feeling less sure of what to do but gathering my courage, I opened the door and Junhong tried to enter but I prevented him to by putting my free hand on his chest and I pushed him backward as I stepped out Youngjae’s apartment. “D-Daehyun-hyung ?” he watched me, his eyes as puffy as Youngjae’s ones, and he looked surprised at me, probable not thinking I would have been with Youngjae which did upset me a bit. He had came to forget that Youngjae belonged to me so it was just natural for me to be here. His eyes dropped to his bag in my hand while I stood silently in front him, letting him some time to process things by himself. “Wh…what ? .. why ? .. Hyung ..” words left difficultly his mouth as sobs kept coming in between.

"I’m sorry…" I said not really apologizing, because after all it wasn’t my fault, nor was it Youngjae’s one. I looked at him, at his puffy eyes and his runny nose that he didn’t even bored to wipe. The idea of acting as if I hadn’t seen Yongguk-hyung’s message came to my mind, but I shook my head, trying to get rid of it as soon as it had came there without being invited. I reached my arm to him, handing him his bag but he didn’t take it, he simply kept staring at it. I rested my hand which was holding his bag on his chest, so it was in between us and he slowly rose his arms to hold it. "I’m sorry Junhong-ah…" I said again before turning my back to him and entered back into Youngjae’s apartment before he did something that I would regret. Or maybe right now I was doing something I would regret, to be honest, I had no idea which way was the right one to do…

I walked to the bathroom where I had left Youngjae and I lied my head against the door a little, trying to get my mind clear as I heard his ugly sobs from behind the door. It made me remember that time. He had been crying in the car, the first time we met, and now, he was crying again. Why couldn’t he stop crying ? I wanted to make him happy but I was so bad at it, I was such a failure… “Jae…” I said softly, my eyes closed, waiting for an answer but I got no answer so I tried again, “you know we couldn’t do otherwise.” I summoned him a bit but still got no response. “Jae.. answer me…” and even trying that didn’t worked. I sighed and felt something in my eyes which told me it would be a really bad idea to open it right now. “Jae…” my voice was shaking.

"We can’t…" a weak voice finally answered me.

"Jae… you did read the message Hyung sent to you…

– We can’t let him alone… outside…

– Jae …

– He doesn’t have anyone nor anywhere to go…

– I like him a lot too but we can’t…

– Daehyun … please …” I hated it. When he called me by my full name, and even more if he was crying saying it.

I quickly went to his living to grab a pen and a piece of paper and scratched a few words on it before dashing out his place. In the corridor there were no sign of a broken Junhong, curled up into a corner. I tried to walk the calmest way I could, not wanting him to see me running after him in case he would simply be standing at the corner ; I really wanted to, but didn’t want him to see me like this. It was only once on the street that I caught a sight of him, walking, his head and shoulders down, dragging his feet without probably any aim. Carrying an emotionless face, I tapped on his shoulder and he turned slowly to me, broken and lifeless. When I saw him like this, it made me really curious about what could have happened between Yongguk-hyung and him, they were so lovey dovey not so long ago… “Hyung ?

– Listen… I don’t care about you, but it seems like Jae really does for you. He can’t keep you at his place, but don’t judge him for that. It’s nothing of his resort.” I handed the paper I had brought with me, “go to this address if you don’t want to go back to your own place…” the paper carried the location of one of my family’s building, but I didn’t tell him. As he didn’t ask anything about the place, he simply took it and nodded to me. “It’s a deserted building, not really the nice kind of place but always better than sleeping on streets I guess…

– Th..thank you Daehyun-hyung” he started to cry again and squeezed the paper in a tight fist before pressing it against his chest.

"One last thing… I don’t know what happened between you and Yongguk-hyung but it seems like he doesn’t want you to come near us anymore so…" when I said that he gasped but muffled his cries with his fist, biting it, still the paper inside of it. "…hmm.. don’t try to talk to Youngjae.. you will only pain him, don’t stick with anyone of the band.. it’s for your safety but also for ours too… you don’t know how Yongguk-hyung can become … scary when it doesn’t go the way he wants it to…" I told him that kind of things but didn’t believed any of it. Junhong had each one of us wrapped around his little finger, and I was sure he still had Yongguk-hyung too…

He just kept crying more and more at each word I said but it didn’t stop me. “I’m telling you this because you would only hurt yourself more if you try anything… take care of yourself Junhong-ah…” I turned round, not able to bear the sight of Junhong like this and I started to walk straight to Jae’s apartment. It was hard to not turned back to Junhong, I did my best to not even glance at him because I knew if I did, I would go back to him and this, despite Yongguk-hyung’s order.

Back to Youngjae’s apartment, I went directly to the bathroom to unlocked the door and slowly pushed it open to see a Youngjae curled up in a corner, hugging his knees against his chest, only his eyes being viewable to me. He slowly looked up at me, I knew he was always scared to be locked up but I hadn’t had the choice, I stood there, watching him as I always did by the past, waiting for him to make the first move. He stood up slowly on his wobbling legs and walked to me, slowly he moved his hands to my face to wipe my tears. I hadn’t been aware I was crying until he did this, I only hoped Junhong hadn’t saw me like this. Youngjae wrapped his arms around me, locking it behind my neck, and this even if he was a bit shorter than me. “Thank you Daehyun-hyung” he whispered in my neck.

I slipped my arms around his waist and plunged my head in the crook of his neck, and I cried. For the first time of my life, I cried while being aware of it and purposely letting it out without any shame. I didn’t know how long I had spent crying and Youngjae rubbing my back, comforting me, but when I calmed down, we found ourselves lying in his bed.

We were facing each other. I was used to look at him, to admire how perfect he was, that it was from afar or that near, he always called me a creep because of that. But for the first time, he was watching me back. Our eyes plunged in each other’s ones. Even if I was looking at his beautiful eyes, I did noticed how pink his cheeks turned as long as we started at each other.

Resting my left hand on his cheek, I rubbed it with my thumb before putting a lock of hair behind his ear as I approached my face to his. I brushed my lips against his, my eyes stuck on his to check his reaction. When I saw him closing his eyes, I took it as an invite to keep going. I let my lips to touch his and I stayed a moment like this, without moving. I closed my eyes too and when I felt his hand on my own, I started moving my lips against his. I kissed him. And he kissed me back.

Our first time.

It was sweet … and wet.

I had hoped it wouldn’t had been that kind of kiss. Not the one we do to comfort each other, I had wanted one we do to show our feelings for each others. Like we did have with Yongguk-hyung. But at contrario of Yongguk-hyung’s one, I parted my lips and let my tongue slide in between to come poke Youngjae’s lips. He opened his mouth and so I continued. I moved my tongue in his mouth and poked his wet member with mine. Since how long had I waited for that moment ? I was thinking about how much I shall enjoy this moment, not knowing if I would have another occasion like this in the future. No one knew what our normal life would be once we would be back to it… the normal life we had before Junhong appeared in our lives.

When I felt Youngjae’s tongue poking back my tongue, I wrapped it with mine and sucked on his, I then let my tongue going everywhere in his mouth, not letting any space undiscovered. I didn’t want to break the kiss. Never. But came the time he needed to breath, and me too. We watched each other for a short time and he smiled to me.

I smiled back to him and he turned round to lie his back against my chest, putting one arm under him, I put the other over him and I back hugged him like this. I felt his two hands grabbing my forearm and I leaned to him, nuzzling his nape. We went off to dreamland hugging like this, trying to forget all the pain, and mostly, trying to not think about the upcoming one.


	29. What the hell part I

ZELO POINT OF VIEW

  **JULY**

I didn’t know. What exactly ? That was the question. I didn’t know what. It was like my brain didn’t want to work, I couldn’t think anymore.

I went to the address Daehyun-hyung had given to me.

_❝_ _Seems like he doesn’t want you anymore…_ _❞_

Pain. How could words hurt that bad whereas they were only words ?

The room was empty. Like me. Nothing outside. Nothing inside.

_❝_ _I wished I was as smart and as courageous as Youngjae-hyung._ _❞_

I wished I could be him. With someone who cared about me.

July.

The month went slowly.

I stayed in that room, doing nothing beside leaning on the floor and staring at the ceiling.

I was thinking about… Remembering my happy days with Yongguk-hyung.

I cried also … realizing it was past now, I couldn’t go back to it and it would never happen again.

_❝_ _It was still like a dream. Me. Here. With Yongguk-hyung._ _❞_

Maybe it had just been a dream … but why was I so hurt by a dream ?

It should be a dream.

That’s it, I had never been part of Yongguk-hyung’s band…

I laughed. It was just so silly. How could I have even been able to even imagine such a thing. Me. Being part of Yongguk-hyung’s band.

I looked around me, only my eyes moving around.

How many hours had I spent there ? How many days ? How many weeks ? How many months ? Maybe some years ? Maybe I was born here…

But I remembered I had a family … what was I doing here if all this had been just a dream ?

I should head home now, my mother must be so worried about me.

Yes.

She was worried about me.

She was the only one I could trust.

She was my mother after all.

I stood up the best I could, noticing only now how wobbly my legs were. I walked through the empty room and climbed down the stairs. It was dark night outside but I was accustomed to the darkness since I didn’t have electricity in the building.

I was returning home !

People were looking at me and pinching their nose, which made me realize not only did I not have electricity but neither did I have water …

When I passed by Daehyun-sunbaenim’s father club I chuckled, remembering that I had imagined I had gone inside, and that Yongguk-sunbaenim had taken care of me there… How silly…

I was just a lost cause. Fantasizing that much about Yongguk-sunbaenim….

When I was finally in front of my house I took a deep breath.

My parents had never argued.

My mother had never hit me.

I clenched the door and entered without knocking nor ringing the bell.

I went to the lounge. My father was watching TV and I heard my mother coming from the kitchen.

" Junhong ? "

I turned to her smiling, but my smile faded away quickly when I saw her.

She had bruises on her face, dark circles under her eyes which were full of blood.

This couldn’t be…

Suddenly she slapped me with all her strength and I fell backward, widening my eyes at her.

" WHERE WERE YOU ?! I WAS WORRIED AS HELL !! "

" Mum- AAAHH "

My father had grabbed me by my hair and put me on my feet. ” GO TO YOUR ROOM ! YOU STINK ! ” He threw me toward the stairways, I fell on the first step hurting my knees and my ankles. He came after me kicking me, urging me to go to my room. He followed me and once I got in, he slapped my door and locked it from outside.

This couldn’t be happening. It hurt.

When you dream you usually don’t feel pain … so why was I suffering from all the kicks I received ?

I leaned on my bed and closed my eyes wishing that tomorrow I would wake up from this nightmare.

I woke up in the middle of the night. My knees and ankles hurt me. My heart too in another way. But it wasn’t the pain that had woke me up.

It was the screams I was hearing. My mother screams. ” AAAAAAHHHH DOON’T-AH! IT HURTS! AHH-AH! NOT-AH HE-HERE! ” And all her other screams were like this, I didn’t even bother to cover my ears because I knew it would be no use. Then silence.

Not so long after my mother was in my room, in front my bed. A whip in her hands.

" Mum ? "

" DON’T CALL ME LIKE THIS ! "

And she hit me with her thing. I felt my skin ripping and burning.

" WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS ? "

She whipped me.

" IT’S YOUR FAULT ! "

She slapped me.

" WHAT I’VE DONE ? "

She hit me.

" WHY DID YOU ASK TO GO TO THAT SCHOOL ? AMONG ALL OTHERS ! WHY THIS ONE ?! "

She hit me again…

" I-I… I THOUGHT- "

She slapped me.

" YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE HAPPY THERE ? "

She slapped me.

" YES ! "

She whipped me.

" SO ARE YOU ? "

She slapped me.

" YES ! YES ! YES I AM ! " I lied to her, but this wasn’t a complete lie, was it ? " YONGGUK-HYUNG IS TAKING GOOD CARE OF ME !! "

She didn’t slap me this time.

" Yongguk ? "

I watched her and when I met her eyes, what I had doubts over was confirmed. They knew each other.

" How do you know him ? "

" He’s my hyung at school… You know him ? "

" … I wish I wouldn’t … "

" Why ? "

She slapped me.

" HE FUCKING RAPED ME !! "

She hit me with one fist while she slapped me with her other.

" What ? You’re lying ! " She just wanted to hurt me more in another way than she already was.

She slapped me.

“ He fucking put his dick in every hole on my body !! ”

She hit me.

“ NO ! YOU’RE LYING ! ” I put my hands over my ears and started screaming.

She whipped me.

“ AND HE WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU !! HE ONLY THINKS ABOUT IT !! ”

She whipped me.

" Yongguk-hyung wouldn’t do such a thing ! " I started to lose my strength and I couldn’t fight back any more, just lying there under her hits.

She slapped me.

" HE DID ! HE’S EVIL ! I KNOW HIM SINCE HE WAS A KID ! AND HE HAD ALWAYS BEEN EVIL ! "

She hit me.

" HIM AND HIS EVIL TWIN ! "

Now there were no place to doubts anymore, I knew she was talking about Yongguk-hyung. About my Yongguk-hyung, and Yongnam-hyung. I also slowly proceeded why Yongguk-hyung had been shocked when he learnt my name and why he didn’t want me anymore. My mother kept slapping me not answering my questions. Why and how did she know them since they were kids ? Why did they hate each other that much ? That much that Yongguk-hyung didn’t want to see me anymore.

One hour later she got tired and left my room. Locking the door behind her.

I couldn’t stay here. I waited for the house to go quiet, for my parents to be asleep.

Slowly sitting on the edge of my bed, every movement was hurtful and I didn’t know where the strength was coming from. Grabbing the sheet of my bed, I wrapped my right hand with it  and I punched broke my window which had been locked too.

Passing through it, I went outside, I felt my skin ripping from many parts of my body because of the broken glass. There was a booby hatch under my window and I let myself fall on it, only to fall on the ground after as I rolled on it. The bruises covering my body hurt as hell, but I couldn’t stay here.

On my way back to the only place I could go, I walked by MAMA, and contrary to the first time I walked by it walking to my parents, now it was morning. If I remembered well, it was summer holiday, so there were less people in the school. Only the ones with the lowest grades because they had extra courses, but those courses were only in the afternoon. I entered the school, limping. I made my way to the director’s office and sat on the bench next to it.

_❝_ _Don’t hesitate to go see the director if you need help. You know he is a good friend of mine._ _❞_

Since his speech day, I had never seen the director, and the man I had saw did this speech was just in front me right at the moment. He had just opened the door and was watching me. He gestured to me to enter.

I got up and entered his office.

The room was luminous. When entering there was directly the director’s desk. On the desk, was a scheduler and finally could I see today’s date : JULY, 31th. A huge chair behind it. I looked at my left and there was a window overlooking the football playground. To my right there were two sofas facing a coffee table between the two. A bookcase next to the table against the wall. Many painting hooked recovering the white walls. I turned my attention back to the director. He made me sit on one of the sofa and took out a first aid kit. He started to wipe the bruises on my face…

" You know MAMA is your second home. You can stay here if you want. " he said softly, a slight frown visible on his face. It was too much for me, I had nothing against him but I had lived too much. I stood up and punched him in his face, he did see me but he hadn’t done anything to avoid it. It was like he knew. How could he say something like that ? There were no more ‘MAMA is your home’ if Yongguk-hyung didn’t wanted me anymore, he had been my home here…

" I don’t have a home ! How can I have a second one ? " I burst to him before running away.

I ran to the empty apartment, the one I did spent a whole month in… On my way back I appercieved Wonshik and Minrin from afar, they were walking together heading to MAMA. I wonder why were they going over there. They were quite smart and didn’t need those extra courses. I watched them a bit before realising that if I stayed there, they would see me. I didn’t want them to, not in this state. I hid quickly behind a garbage can and waited for them to walk past me before I went back from where I had come from.

**AUGUST**

I was leaning on my back. Staring at the ceiling. Again.

I wondered again if all the things I had lived since I had left the building did really happened.

I thought back to Yongguk-hyung. Did he really rape my mother ? Why would he do something like that ? This was completely silly. I wanted so much to be related to Yongguk-hyung I had heard my mother tell his name.

I imagined. Me, sitting on the grass with Yongguk-hyung. Him, smoking while playing with my curly hair.

I imagined. Me, sitting in the canteen, and Yongguk-hyung joining me and feeding me.

I imagined. Me, wandering with Yongguk-hyung in the school’s hallway after everybody went home.

I imagined. Me, surrounded by Yongguk-hyung’s band.

I imagined. Me, crying in Yongguk-hyung’s chest.

I imagined. Yongguk-hyung calling me by a nickname he made up specially for me.

My stomach growled. Ah yes… It’s been … I don’t know how much time it had been now since the last time I ate. Well, more than a month.

I didn’t have any strength anymore. Before I  **would**  just lean on the floor. Now, I  **could**  only do this.

Now, I was accepting all this happenening to me. Weird, but I had accepted the reality when I was happy, I should do the same now.

I was accepting this reality even if every second of it it, I wished to be woken up by Youngjae-hyung. That was it ! I had fallen asleep after Youngjae-hyung told me his story and I was now dreaming myself in some melodramatic story.

So… there would be someone to save me. As someone came to save Youngjae-hyung.

I looked at the door and I waited.

I waited for Yongguk-hyung to appear.

…

But from what would he save me ?

I should be in danger. The hero always comes when his friends are in danger.

I looked around. The room was empty. No danger around. I looked at the window staring at it until I got an idea.

I crawled toward it, opened it and sat on the edge.

I was on the first floor… I wondered if I would die if I jumped. Only one way to know, but before I wanted to give Yongguk-hyung a chance.

I was watching passersby on the street. No one was looking back at me, nor even seeing me. After all, no one thought there would be someone living here. If what I was doing here could even be named _living_ …

I looked back at the door. He would appear soon now.

 

10…

 

9…

 

8…

 

7…

 

6…

 

5….

 

4…

 

3…

 

2…

 

1…

 

No one…

 

…

 

Maybe I wasn’t his friend. Why would I ?

Everything would end soon. I didn’t want to live in a world where I was hated by Yongguk-hyung.

I can hear screams around me but I couldn’t understand what they were saying.

It hurts. Of course. Otherwise it wouldn’t be funny not to suffer again before leaving this world.

Someone is above me, opening my eyes and calling my name. I couldn’t feel my legs, my arms, nor the rest of my body. Darkness.

It would end soon.

_❝_ _Don’t think there’ll be always someone to save you…_ _❞_


	30. What the hell part II

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

Opening my eyes widely, I looked around. The place sounded familiar and I needed a small amount of time to remember where I had seen the room before. I was in the basement. Of course, if paradise would exist it would be exactly like this. I was on Yongguk-hyung’s chair watching him and his band on the sofas and chairs. They were all dressed up in black crying. I wondered why, and because I was curious I listened to what they were talking about…

" He was too young… " Himchan-hyung said.

" Why did he do that ? " Jongup-hyung turned to him and Himchan-hyung shook his head as a simple answer, it looked like it was hard for him to speak words out.

I wondered who they were talking about. They all looked so sad that the said one had done something, they should love him very much. I wanted to ask them who that person was and what he had done so bad to make them all that sad but I couldn’t move my lips, it was sealed and didn’t want to open up.

" It’s my fault … " Youngjae-hyung complained letting out a sob.

Why would it be Youngjae-hyung’s fault if the boy had done something ? Had he forced the boy to do something ?

" It’s our fault. Each one of us. " Daehyun-hyung answered him rubbing his back to smooth him a bit.

What had they done ? Who was that boy ? What had he done ?

" I fucking miss him… " Yongguk-hyung cried and that was something really unexpected. It was the first time I saw him crying and it made me want to cry too. Watching those tears running down his cheeks, I felt my heart breaking into million pieces. I wanted to wipe my face but I couldn’t move.

" We all miss him… " Yongnam-hyung commented as he put a little picture frame on the coffee table. They all started to fade away, their body becoming smoke and I was left alone with the frame, a halo of light enlightening it. It was turned the other way so I couldn’t see the picture, and I still couldn’t move to go turn it around. Without doing anything, the frame fell on the table, as if wind had pushed it backward so now I could see who was on the picture … it was me.

Ah… that’s right… I was dead.

[♫](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8z-qP34-1Y)

Frowning, I tried to open my eyes but had to close it right after because the room I was in was too luminous. Everything was white around me, the walls and ceilings. Where was I ?

I heard a bip… and another one… and again another one…

I opened my eyes and looked around me.

A hospital room.

A woman entered and her eyes widened as she looked at me. ” Oh. You’re awake. I’ll call the doctor. ” she said and left without giving me any information about what the hell was happening right now.

I tried to think back to what could have happened for me to end in such a place. The last memories I had was me visiting my parents and running away from my house… what happened after that was completely blurred in my mind, a big hole. 

Not so long after she had left, the woman was back with a fat man, who I guessed was the Doctor she had been talking about. ” How are you ? ” he asked me as he approached my bed, standing next me, he looked me into my eyes, probably checking on me.

" … " I opened my mouth to answer but no words left my throat, not even a single sound. I frowned and tried again and again but still nothing was coming out. " Hmm… don’t force it out young man, it can happen sometimes. Because of the shock you lost your voice, but don’t worry. It will come back soon. " He smiled trying to reassure me even if what he was speaking about was still scary. But how long will it take to get back my voice ? As he couldn’t hear my question, he couldn’t answer me and he just kept checking on me.

" Can you write your name and your parents’ phone number so I can contact them ? " the doctor asked me smiling, his hand was on my arm squeezing it slightly. I smiled back to him nodding, of course I wouldn’t give him my parents’ number, because I remembered too well what had happened. " We didn’t find any papers on you so we don’t really know… someone brought you here but he said nothing, looks like he was just a passerby… " The woman I guessed to be a nurse handed me a white paper and the doctor gave me a pen he had had in the pocket of his white coat.

【Jung Jun Hong - 2013-01-20】

" Jung-ssi ? " The doctor asked looking at me after I handed him the paper back, I nodded, biting my lips hoping I wouldn’t get caught using someone else’s name. " Alright, don’t worry Junhong-ssi, I’ll explain well  to your parents. I’m calling them right away. " I nodded again looking at him leaving my room with the nurse walking after him after she shot me a last smile before closing the door after them.

I wondered how he would react when he’ll receive that call from the doctor. Will he tell him that it was a false name and also the wrong number as he wasn’t any parent of mine ? I think the doctor had called him when he had been in the corridor because he was back not so long after, one good thing was that he didn’t look upset or anything. ” I could reach your father, he said he’s coming. He would be here in a few. ” He smiled to me and left my room after checking last few things.

Once it was more peaceful I could take a better look around, so I could finally notice that the room wasn’t completely white as I had thought it to be. There were a few things hanged on the walls such as a scheduler. It was a daily one and today’s date was : SEPTEMBER, 28th.

I sighed, I had missed my whole summer holidays… Leaning back straight on my back, I looked at the ceiling. What shall I say to him when he will arrive ? He will surely be pissed off but beside him I didn’t know who else I could ask for help. I felt tired thinking deeply about it, looked like I couldn’t concentrate on something for too long. I closed my eyes for a few minutes, thinking I had still a bit of time left to think about it before he arrived.

I thought I had only closed my eyes for a few minutes but when I opened it anew, someone was sitting next me and looked like he had stayed there for a long time. It was him. He was holding my hand, squeezing it slightly, as if he cared and was worried for me. I looked at Daehyun’s father with big doe eyes, feeling it getting wet. Someone was caring for me right now, Jung Dae Jung was.

" … " I opened my mouth to apologize for disturbing him, he must had a lot of work to do and still he had came here, I also wanted to explain to him what had happened but still no sound came out. I tried to sit up but he held me down lying on the bed. " The doctor told me you couldn’t talk… " he said calmly folding back the blanket well around me, he then smiled to me when our eyes met and I felt my heart getting lighter. He didn’t look nor sound pissed, or at least, he was hiding it that well I couldn’t detect it. 

" He also explained to me that someone saw you jumping from the first floor of a building … " this time his voice didn’t sound that gentle anymore but was more in a pained tone. So that was what I have done. Slowly I started remembering everything, after I had left my parents’ house, the director at MAMA and the empty room … my dream … Yongguk-hyung crying … Tears started to appear in my eyes and to roll down my cheeks without me being able to do anything about it like in my dreams.

" Shh, it’s okay, everything’s fine now… " not minding about what he had just done for me to lie in the bed, Daehyun’s father took me in his arms, pulling me into a tight hug as he rubbed my back. I slipped my arms around him and grabbed his shirt on his back, holding on it like my life depended on how tight my grip could get. It simply felt too good to have someone caring for me again. But how long would it last until he’d stop ? " The doctor explained to me that you spent a whole month in the hospital… so you already recovered from your bruises… well, most of them. I bet you don’t want your parents to know about you being in here… "

He pulled away from me to look at my face but I couldn’t hold back his gaze, I looked down at my hands as I played nervously with it. ” … I’ll take that as a yes… ” he sighed and ruffled my hair, I blinked at him wondering why wasn’t he scolding me. “We won’t tell your parents then, ” he winked to me and I blushed slightly, the start of a smile appearing at the corner of my lips, ” I’m taking you with me, I already paid for your hospital fees so you just have to get yourself ready. “

I looked back at him shocked. He paid for me ? Will he want me to pay him back ? I couldn’t afford myself such a thing ! I already needed to pay back Yongguk-hyung for the money he had lent me… My eyes became wet again. Just thinking about him was painful. Daehyun’s father rubbed my cheek smoothing me, ” it’s okay Junhong-ah… everything will be alright. When you’ll recover your voice you’ll be able to tell me all that happened and we’ll find a way together to solve whatever your problem is and for everything to come back to normal. Okay ? “ I nodded to him.

I felt really grateful that he was caring for me, even if I doubted him to only because he thought I was still Daehyun-hyung’s friend… What would he do to me when he’ll learn I hadn’t anything to do with his son anymore ? That I had been thrown away ? That his son didn’t gave a damn about me ?

I felt worried about it but apparently Daehyun’s father thought I was worried for something else, and he kept reassuring me about me being allowed to take my time with him, that it was fine if I didn’t open to him already, that I needed some time to get used to him and such. I was touched he did thought about all this. While he was talking to me about random stuff like the food in the hospital being really bad, the nurse came back with clean clothes, the hospital was offering me those clothes because my previous ones had been ripped and had stains of blood on them. While I was changing, I could hear what the nurse told Daehyun’s father in the corridor. She explained that it was better to not remind me of everything that would have happened to me before I ended in the hospital. They thought it was because of a trauma I would have lived I wasn’t able to speak yet, the less I got confronted to it, the faster I would get back the ability to speak.

We left the hospital and now I was in the back of the car with Daehyun-hyung’s father, his arms wrapped around me, he was hugging me tightly against him so I wasn’t able to make any move, not that I wanted to. He held me like this the whole ride to wherever we were going to, and I was hugging him back. Until he finds out about what had happened between Yongguk-hyung and me, until he would stop caring, I decided to enjoy his kindness the longer I could.


	31. Father's love

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

I had fallen asleep in Daehyun’s father’s arms in the car, but when I woke up I wasn’t there anymore, instead I was leaning on a sofa. Looking around I recognized the place, it was the same couch I had woken up the last time I had been in the Jung’s club. But the difference that now Yongguk-hyung wasn’t by my side, even less holding my hand. I looked at it frowning, trying to remember how it had felt to have his hand on mine. Taking my surroundings in slowly, I saw that there were people on the stage, Daehyun’s father was sitting on the couch in front it as he watched some girls dancing. I stood up and walked toward him, he had a paper in his hands, apparently he was giving marks to the girls. He turned to me smiling and opened his arms for me to come snuggle at his side, which I did without any hesitation, completely forgetting that he was supposed to be some scary mafia old man. I came to sit next him and hugged him, my head resting on his shoulder and he rested his arm in my back pulling me closer, we watched the girls dancing and suddenly he gave me a paper with a pen, ” write the girl you like and why. ” he explained me what to do with what he just gave me.

I blinked at him first and then looked back at the girls again, that’s only at that moment I noticed they had numbers written on their clothes. The girls were all smiling to me while they kept dancing. They were beautiful but one grabbed my attention in particular. She was the shorter and clearly the chubbiest but her moves were fluid and soft. She must have spent the most time here, moving with ease around the pole dance bar. I mainly watched her dancing, unable to remove my eyes from her, it was like if I looked at another girl’s dancing I would miss something awesome from her dancing. When I noticed I had been staring at her for half of the song, I decided myself to write her number down on the paper Daehyun’s father had given me: 98. Now, Why ? I didn’t really know why, but guessed I had to find a reason or another … [She’s beautiful and she dances well. It soothes my heart when I watch her dancing and smiling.]

Beside that, I didn’t know what else to write. Daehyun’s father took my paper and read it before smiling softly to me, yet he squeezed me harder against him without explaining to me if what I had wrote was right or not, nor even why he had asked me to do it.

After the girls stopped dancing I understood the show was done and I was looking at them getting off the stage while Daehyun’s father stood from the sofa, helping me to do the same, because I had nothing else to do, I followed him to his office. There was a huge desk at the back of the room, when standing in front his desk there was a sofa on the left side and a mini bar on the right one. He walked in first and I didn’t know if I shall close the door behind me, so I left it open and it didn’t look like it disturbed him as he said nothing about it, Daehyun’s father sat on his chair behind his desk.

" Thank you " I realized my voice was back already and I felt glad I could thank him for everything he had done for me, I was bowing to him, my upper body perpendicular to my legs, not moving until he would tell me so.

" What happened ? All the bruises you have on your body … they aren’t all caused by your falling, are they ? " I stayed in the position I was in, watching intensively at my feet, wondering what shall I say, but finally chose to not talk, instead I just nodded. " Why wasn’t Youngjae-gun with you ? Wasn’t he the one to keep you at his place ? " I nodded again and started to cry thinking about my hyung. I hadn’t been able to meet him when I had went to his apartment a few months ago, so I didn’t know what he was thinking about all this, but Daehyun-hyung had warned me enough not to go see neither him nor any of them. I was scared to tell Daejung the truth, scared of the reaction he would have but after all the things he’d done for me, he had the right to know. I couldn’t lie to him, even if at the end he would probably throw me away.

I told him everything, from the start till right now, since my first day at school when I had saw Youngguk-hyung and his band at the director’s speech. About me being bullied and when I bumped into his men. How Daehyun-hyung saved me and dragged my bully away. When I became close to Yongguk-hyung and his band mates. When my parents argued and how I ran away from home. Then when he found me with those other mafia guys. How idyllic my month living with Youngjae-hyung was. When I had helped Min Rin with her bullies and the party my hyungs threw for me. When Yongguk-hyung had saw my mother and asked me to leave them. When Daehyun-hyung helped me giving me a deserted building address. How I spent months alone leaning in that dark place. When I tried to go home but how my mother beat me. When I met MAMA’s director and how I punched him. Finally when I came back to the apartment and why I had jumped. I told him everything, all the things I lived, but not only, also all the things I thought and felt. How much I loved Yongguk-hyung. It was always hard to talk about him, whenever his name would leave my mouth I would start crying, and Daejung let me cry, waiting for me to calm down and to go on with my story. the whole way he kept listening me, expressionless, so I couldn’t know what he was thinking about all this.

When I finally finished he stood up from his chair and got around his desk to come hug me tightly. He didn’t say any word and simply held me in his arms. I hugged him back taking in all the warmth he was giving me at the moment, I had thought he would just kick me out after hearing my story but he did nothing of that. We stayed in this position a moment until we heard someone entering the club whereas it wasn’t the opening time, I soon recognized Daehyun-hyung’s voice greeting his people. I don’t know why but I suddenly got scared and didn’t want him to see me here with his dad, not in this state. I broke the hug and went hide under his desk. Daehyun’s father first was surprised of my reaction but soon understood when he saw his son entering his office.

" Don’t you plan to come hug and kiss your dad to greet him like a perfect son shall do ? " I heard Daejung cooing and I wanted to laugh at him, imagining perfectly the face his son must be doing at the moment.

" Tch. " by the sounds I could get that Daehyun-hyung sat on the sofa while his father sat on his desk. I was too scared that Daehyun-hyung would discover me, I didn’t want to peek at the room to see what was going on, I had to trust only my ears.

" So ~ how was your day ? 

– Like any other day, I guess… ” Daehyun-hyung answered his father while eating something, his words sounded muffled with some food he must had put in his mouth. I felt my heart getting lighter, the simple fact to hear his voice, even if he sounded annoyed, was nice.

" How is doing that young boy ?

– Which boy ?

– The one I brought here once, with cute curling blonde hair. That Jun Hong. “ A silence followed the question and I was holding my breath, wondering what kind of reaction it would bring to my Hyung. Would he tell everything to his father or just stay silent ? Was it because he was ashamed or didn’t want to even talk about me ? ” I really liked him, he’s so cute. Bring him here sometime, I’d like to see him again. ” I understood then what Daehyun’s father was trying to do.

" I don’t know where he is… " Daehyun-hyung sounded so sad when he said that, I almost got out of under the desk to go cheer him.

" Isn’t he with Youngjae-gun ?

– … Yongguk-hyung asked him to not keep Junhong with him. ” he sighed and my heart sank hearing Yongguk-hyung’s name from Daehyun-hyung’s mouth, and my heart sank downer when the words he said got to my mind. So it was true, Yongguk-hyung didn’t want me by his sides, or his friends’ one anymore. I was sure that Daehyun-hyung was telling his father the truth, well he couldn’t really do otherwise because his father was part of mafia, and he was the boss of his own, so what was sure, was that he would find the truth out sooner or later.

" Why that ?

– Don’t know…

– Didn’t you ask him why ?

– We all had… but Yongguk-hyung doesn’t want to hear a thing about Junhong…

– … so I was the last who had seen Junhong… ” Daejung sighed like he was disappointed and my heart almost stopped beating. Would Daehyun’s father tell him I was hiding under the desk ?

" What ? Where did you see him ? When ? "

Please. Don’t tell him. I prayed, I closed my eyes and kept praying. Please.

" At the hospital.

– WHAT ? Why was he in the hospital ? ” I think Daehyun got up from the sofa and walked to his father as if it would make him talk faster. My heart warmed a little hearing Daehyun-hyung being worried for me even if he did say me the opposite.

" What are you doing ?

– I’m telling Yongguk-hyung… Why was he at the hospital ?

– My men found him in front one of our building.

– Found him ? What the hell happened for him to go to the hospital then ? Did they knock him down thinking he was some kind of wanderer ?

– He had jumped from first floor.

– WHAT ? HOW COME.. HOW IS HE NOW ?

– Daehyun. Why was he in one of my building ?

– … Because he couldn’t go back with Jae, and he didn’t want to go back to his home. So I gave him the building address thinking your men would bring him to you soon.

– Why didn’t you bring him here directly ?

– I couldn’t… Yongguk-hyung…

I heard Daehyun’s father sighing, ” You couldn’t because of Yongguk but I could.

– I know… that’s why I gave him this address… ” I gasped silently, putting my hands over my mouth for no sound to leave it. I understood finally the real reason for why he gave me this address. The problem was that I wasn’t as smart as Youngjae-hyung how could I guessed it was for that reason. But he couldn’t further his explanation because of the too much noise when some new people entered the room, mostly like they were bursting in, ready to break everything. Were they being attacked or something ?

" WHAT’S GOING ON ?! " I recognized Himchan-hyung’s sweet voice whenever he would yell.

" WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ? " Yongguk-hyung’s outburst followed Himchan-hyung’s one and my heart beat faster hearing his voice. It was nice to hear it again. Really nice. I was that happy I could have burst out of my hidden place even if he was quite impressive at the moment because of yelling. My heart felt lighter and it was so good to find myself being in the same room as him. It was nice to know I hadn’t dreamt all the things that had happened between him and me, even if everything wasn’t so bright. I could hear all of them panting and I saw Daehyun’s father coming to sit on his chair, putting his legs on each side of me.

" Calm down. He’s fine now. " Daehyun’s father said calmly, patting my head a few before bringing it back over his desk.

" What happened ? " Jongup-hyung asked.

" He jumped from the first floor… " Daehyun-hyung told them.

" WHAT ? " they all yelled at same time.

" The fool… " Yongguk-hyung cursed in his breath and I wanted to run to him so bad.

" How…? Why…? " Youngjae-hyung sobbed.

" I received a call from the hospital saying my son : Jung Jun Hong was over there. They said he had jumped from first floor of a deserted building and he had many bruises on all his body, which all weren’t caused from him falling. It had been a month since they took him in and he just woke up this morning.

– This morning ? You mean .. today ? So you just came back from the hospital ? ” Daehyun-hyung asked suddenly realizing the span of their previous conversation. 

" I need to know where he is.

– You don’t know ? Isn’t he at the hospital ? ” Himchan-hyung added, probably all their mind were working at full speed as they were putting back together all pieces of the puzzle.

" When I went off to the reception to pay his hospital fees he ran away. I need him to pay me back now. " I chuckled inwardly, because back in the car before I fell asleep, he had told me he didn’t want me to pay him back when I had promised him to refund him his generosity.

" That’s why you wanted to know about him… " I heard Daehyun-hyung muttering angrily to his father, air whistling between his teeth.

" I’ll pay for him. " Yongguk-hyung said, his tone not letting any place for discussion, and now I was determined to run to him but Daehyun’s father prevented me to, pinning me against his desk with his feet on my chest so I couldn’t make a move.

" Why would you ? Aren’t you the one who caused all this ?

– I am, and I also am the one who will take care of his hospital fees.

– Why aren’t you caring of him then ? Of him entirely instead of only the financial aspect … ?

– I was the one to cause him all this pain.

– You’re also the one who could have save him. “ Yongguk-hyung didn’t replied anything but somehow I knew that with his eyes, he was asking Daehyun’s father what did he implied. ” I saw him Yongguk. I saw him leaning in this bed with all those bruises. He told me everything, and I saw the affection and respect he had for you whenever he would pronounce your name. Of course, all this despite what you’ve done to his mother.

– He… he knew ? ” Yongguk-hyung choked.

" He tried to come back to his home but the welcome he got from his parents wasn’t really the one you should expect in that kind of situation. More his mother than his father… A mother who say such a thing to her son… You really succeeded to destroy her… " Yongguk-hyung simply hummed as a reply. One main question kept repeating in my mind. Why ? Why did he want to destroy my mother this bad ? Daejung continued as no one looked like they wanted to add anything. " Did you know that your brother was implied with Jun Hong’s father’s dismissal ?

– I knew. “

Is that so…? I didn’t knew about it. How come his brother had something to do it with such a thing ? Did they hate my father too ? Or did they only hate my mother that much it didn’t mattered if anyone in her surroundings could be suffering too ? I grabbed Daejung’s father’s leg and squeezed it against me, hooking myself on it. Somehow, telling him that I had heard enough. With all the things happening lately, I couldn’t bear more.

Someone knocked on the door and opened it. ” Ah, Hyosung-ah ! Guys, it’s a pleasure to talk with you but I have work to do now. ” They all left without adding anything which was quite weird, but I was no more in the mood to guess what was going on through their mind. The door closed and Daejung ordered the newcomer named Hyosung to lock the door and pull the curtains. 

Once this was done, he let me out his desk and wiped the tears off my face. I know realized my Hyungs had been here, in the same room as I was, they had been so close to me but so far at the same time.

" Jun Hong. This is Hyosung. She’ll take care of you and you’ll live with her from now on. " Daehyun’s father introduced me to the girl who had entered his office. I bowed to her and when standing back up, I looked closely at her. She was the girl I had picked earlier when we were watching the girls dancing. " I know you really do love your Hyungs, so she will teach you the way to have them back. " I looked dazed at Daehyun’s father’s face, as if he was speaking a foreign language to me. " Listen. You can’t just run back to Yongguk like his little puppy. You can’t have this relation with him, in which he can throw you away when he doesn’t know how to handle his own feelings.

– How… What should I do ?

– You already have all of them wrapped around your finger boy. But they’re just too devoted to Yongguk. You need to make Yongguk understands he can’t treat you this way. ” The girl named Hyosung told me while she linked our arms together. I looked at her with big surprised eyes and she winked to me. ” Now, you’ll be the one to fix the rules boy ! “

_" … You need to stand up for yourself. It’s like this the world runs…_ _“_


	32. Never give up

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

I spent the end of my first school year at Hyosung-noona’s place. I didn’t go back to MAMA, but thanks to Daejung I didn’t get expelled. The two of them kept telling me they would arrange everything for me to not be, but that I couldn’t go back because I wasn’t ready. My body had perfectly healed by then and sure I was still a bit weak-hearted, but they kept saying I wasn’t ready. I didn’t get what kind of ready they were talking about, but I had no other solution than trusting them. So Daejung did the necessary, the money Yongguk-hyung had given him to pay for my hospital fees, he gave it to the director of MAMA and it had been enough for him to agree for me to stay a student of MAMA without going there every day.

This whole time I stayed at Hyosung-noona’s place, she had an apartment downtown. It was easier this way for her to go see her customers or for them to visit her when apparently they had a lot of things to talk about. When that would happen, I just had to go downstairs, she was living above a little coffee shop. I always brought the books my teachers sent with me, I kept studying the whole year, I had the same hours as any normal students, except that I didn’t waist time going to the school. On the other hand, I wasted more time, sending my teachers my homeworks and for them to send it back corrected to me. Of course all this happening through Daejung and noona, they sent it to Daehyun’s father’s home and noona went to pick it up there for me, I said I could go pick it up myself but they didn’t want me to accidentally meet Daehyun-hyung.

Daehyun’s father and Hyosung-noona had prepared a busy schedule for me, so I didn’t see the time passing by. I studied all day long while noona was sleeping or resting from her work in her room, waking up around three pm. This way I grew more independent as I had to cook for myself, not that noona couldn’t cook for me, but I couldn’t ask her to do that for me, she already did so much. She really wanted me to focus on my lessons, I had to study harder than any other students because I didn’t have a teacher with me, so she had proposed for me to order food all the time but Daehyun’s father had refused, saying it wouldn’t be healthy and that I would never grow stronger if I couldn’t take care of myself with simple things such as feeding myself correctly. At least I had to learn how to cook something else than simple soups.

Sitting in the living room with my books, every day I waited for noona to wake up so she could walk me to my next activity. They made me start a sport, I had the choice between multiple ones, but I choose one I could practice alone but also that would help me grow stronger too, not only for my spirit, but for my body. I chose boxing. After trying a few fighting sport, I had chose this one. When I would start throwing my fists in the air, it helped me to forget everything, my mind would start getting empty and the only thing that mattered for me was to throw my fists well so I wouldn’t hurt myself but also for it to hit my target perfectly. Instead of releasing my anger on someone, I did it on a punching ball or the punching bag. Farewell to the weak and cute Zelo, I wouldn’t let anyone play this way with my life anymore, like noona had said, I would be the one to fix the rules.

Even if noona was joyful and really funny, and it was nice to hang around with her, I still missed my Hyungs. I felt like something was missing in my life, it felt like when forgetting something and you can’t put your finger on, unable to remember what it was. I knew exactly that the hole I felt inside of me was due to their absence, but because I couldn’t go back with them, I felt like this. I never really laughed with all my heart with noona, nor was completely relaxed with her. I was here because I wanted them back, they were my aim, my target, my purpose, the reason why I was here and doing all this stuff. It was only to have them back in my life.

One of my free day, I was walking around, discovering the city that soon I knew by heart, I was passing by MAMA’s school and I stopped in front it. It was in the middle of the day, noona didn’t know that I had left, but because I could defend myself now I was allowed to do so. Yet I was still prohibited to go back to the school and to see my Hyungs yet. It’s always easier to say than to do, easier to listen and agree to a rule than to follow it and obey it all the time tirelessly. I had made a step toward the gate when I received a call from Hyosung-noona, I took out of my pocket the phone she had offered me for my birthday.

It had been the first time of my life I hadn’t spent that special day with my parents. For my birthday in October, noona had brought me to an amusement park, we ate lot of sweet things all day long and never stopped doing the attractions. I had a lot of fun as it was the first time I went to such a place, and for that single day, I could have forget all my problems, school, friends, Hyungs and parents. It had only been the noona I never had and me. At the end of that wonderful day, once we reached her place she tried to make me drink alcohol for the first time of my life. I tried and grimaced as it went down my throat, I didn’t really like it so noona had to drink everything by herself to not loose it, at least it was her excuse. I didn’t really mind as long as she wouldn’t grow violent, on the contrary she did a lot of funny things and the fun kept on until she came and sat on my lap, putting her arms around my neck.

" Too bad you’re this young… " she said looking me in the eyes, her bad breath full of alcohol coming directly to my nose. I felt myself getting hotter and because of it my probably cheeks flushing a deep red right now. She hugged me and I could feel her boobs on my chest, her legs on each side of mine and her pussy on my crotch. " Just a little won’t be wrong… " I heard her whisper against my ear before kissing it. I was shocked and without thinking about it, my body moved on its own, I grabbed her by her shoulders and hold her away from me, keeping her at a safe distance. I was looking at her completely dazed and she simply smiled to me before pushing away my arms and she kissed me all over my face. I guess I could let her do that as I hadn’t really a clear idea about how a relationship between brothers and sisters would be, but when she was getting too close my lips I pushed her off me and she fell on the floor.

" I-I…I’m sorry noona but … I-I’ve already someone I love…

— I know ” she said staying on the floor.

" I want my first kiss to be with him… " I kneeled down next to her.

" Do you really think he will accept you this way ? " I felt hurt by what she said, was it really what she thought ? That Yongguk-hyung wouldn’t love me back ? I stayed silent looking at her sadly, I had no way to contest what she just said as I didn’t know what my Hyung could be feeling for me. It could just be that he liked me as a little brother and that stopped there. I shouldn’t be craving for more, I knew it, but it was impossible. I couldn’t stop growing that feeling for him like I couldn’t imagine spending my life without being by his side. " I’m doing this for you Junhong-ah… I know I will never have you or that you’ll never feel for me what you feel for Yongguk… so… just a kiss… " she tried to lean toward me and to press her lips against mine but I looked away making her kiss my cheek.

" You’re drunk noona. " I said getting up and without a glance back to her, I went to my room and enclosed myself in it. The following day, after she slept it off she had forgotten everything about the said kiss. I asked her and she worried that she might have done something bad but I kept reassuring her it was nothing bad. Deep inside myself I was glad I hadn’t gave her my first kiss. I don’t know how I would have reacted to have it with someone drunk who would never remember it. Even if it had been tempting because noona was beautiful and with a nice body.

I had only two numbers registered in my phone, Hyosung-noona and Daejung. I answered the call and noona asked me where I was and got scolded when I told her the truth, sighing I stepped back from MAMA and turned round. I walked away, the place where my Hyungs were growing far in my back. Noona didn’t want to hung up before I had reached her place, afraid I would have a weak moment and run to the ones I missed that much.

I had grown a good 20 cm so now I was exactly 170cm, noona liked to measure my height everyday finding it funny that it kept being different every week. With the kind of reaction she had watching me growing I wondered how my hyungs and my friends will react when they’ll see me. I couldn’t wait for the new school year to start so I could see them finally. MAMA’s director told me -through Daejung- that Wonshik had come to the school every single day during summer holiday to ask him if he knew where I was and what I was doing. After getting Daehyun’s father’s approval I decided to give Wonshik my phone number, passing through the director. I got Wonshik’s number and I sent him a first message telling him I had gotten one for my birthday. My heart was beating fast as I was waiting for a reply, wondering how he would react, but I hadn’t to wait for that long. I got a reply in which he was cursing at the teacher because he was in the middle of the class and couldn’t reply me back correctly. I felt happy and since that moment we never stopped texting each others, I told him not to worry about me and that I would be back to MAMA the following school year for our second year. But for that I had to work hard to be able to pass from first year to second one. Being able to exchange messages daily with Wonshik, I felt a bit better and less lonely, giving me more strength and courage to keep on my training.

After my birthday, Christmas came faster than I was excepting it to, thanks or because of the busy schedule I got. With noona we went to an open air ice ring, we skated all night and watched the fireworks. Hyosung-noona was smaller than me now, so I could have her in my arms, my chin resting on the top of her head. We may looked like a couple but there weren’t anything between us, not more than a brother and a sister had in my opinion. Because I was an only child, I couldn’t really say. I felt eyes on us, I was used to people looking at me because of my curling blonde hair, but this kind of feeling was a different one. From the corner of my eyes I saw some girls watching us from afar, fussing. I looked at them and they blushed when our eyes met. I smiled to them, wondering why they seemed upset and they ran away. I blinked watching their back disappearing afar, but the second after I wasn’t thinking about them anymore. Looking back at the fireworks, I hugged noona tighter, wishing for me to be soon reunited with my hyungs.

Once the winter holidays were done, Wonshik went back to MAMA and he told me that some girls of my fanclub had saw me on the Christmas day ice-skating with my girlfriend and that they were telling it to the whole school. That was bad, if they did, then Yongguk-hyung and the others may have heard it too… That was really bad. I was out when I learned about it and I quickly ran back to Hyosung-noona’s place to tell her about the news, that it would ruin all our plan to get back my hyungs to me.

" NOONA !! THIS IS BAD !

— What happened ?

— You remember the girls from the Christmas Day ! I told you it was weird, well Wonshik just told me they were from MAMA ! ” I was almost screaming in the apartment while I was pulling my hair out of my head. I was starting to pant, panicking wondering what could we do about that matter.

" I know.

— And they… You-you knew ?

— Yes. It’s part of the plan.

— But they had told the whole school you were my girlfriend.

— You don’t want me to be your girlfriend ? ” she pouted and I blushed, I hadn’t expected that kind of reaction from her.

" It-it’s not that…

— It’s okay Junhong-ah ! All this is part of the plan ! ” she laughed ruffling my hair and I looked at her in awe.

" But … but it’s not true !! Yongguk-hyung will think-

— This ! is the plan boy .. for Yongguk to think. ” She winked to me before leaving the apartment, going off to work. I felt my phone vibrating and I looked at it, I just received another message from Wonshik.

✉ From Wonshik

→ The girls said you had grown a lot… Me too I want to see you. 

I felt like the years kept growing shorter, after December came the month of exams, March. I stayed at noona’s place to do it and she was here with a co-worker of her to watch over me while I would pass my exams. I had never been confident when passing an exam, but seriously after spending all that time locked up in noona’s apartment, there were no way I couldn’t do it well. Hyosung-noona kept telling me not to be over confident, but I couldn’t help it. Every question was so easy, I was done before the time given for the exam. 

After that short period of exams, all the time I used to spend at noona’s place studying, I could spent it as I wished. Finally free from any duty, I could go out as much as I wanted. Now that I felt ready for it, I decided to go to my parent’s house. I was ready but not that much, I simply watched it from afar. Noticing the car wasn’t here, I guess they weren’t at home for the moment, they probably were at work, and so my mother was as she was working now. Then I decided I could allow myself to go in for a bit.

Nothing had really changed, the key of the entrance door was still at the same place so I could enter easily. Everything was exactly the same at the exception of the feeling I was having right now. I didn’t felt at home, I didn’t feel that welcoming and soothing feeling one gets once he comes home after a long absence. I wandered in the house, tears coming up to my eyes as I realized it wasn’t  **my**  house anymore. I went up to my room and saw they hadn’t even repaired the window I had broken when escaping the last time. Not that they were feeling guilty, but I doubted them to not have money enough to do so. Walking back to the kitchen, I let an envelope on the kitchen’s table with a some money for the damages I’ve caused. I wrote a note on it :

【  _I love my mum <3 Please Lord, give me back my lovely mother. I miss her._ 】

On my way back to Hyosung-noona’s apartment, I had to walk in the Daehyun’s father club street, stopping at the beginning of it I wondered if I shall go salute him. It had been a moment since I had met him. Sure we talked sometimes on the phone, but the last time we had seen each others was the day I had left to go to noona’s place. With all the things he’d done for me, I thought it would be nice to go greet him as I was around in the area. I started to make my way toward the club but stopped, freezing completely in the middle of the street. He was here. Entering the club. My other hyungs following him.

They were laughing and at the moment I saw them, I wanted only one thing, it was to go join them. An image came to my mind at that moment, it was when Yongguk-hyung had turned toward me while I was sitting on a bench, making a motion with his hand, telling me to follow him. How much I wished for him to do the same motion right now. I was busy admiring him and when he entered I looked at my other hyungs, that’s when I saw Jongup-hyung eyes frowning as he was looking at me. Without thinking twice about it, I turned round. I knew what I had to do so I did it. That wasn’t the way I had to meet my hyungs again. I turned on the right into a small dark alley, that’s when I started to run. I ran away from them, and I did it the faster I could. As Daehyun’s father had said, I couldn’t run back to them like a little puppy. We made a plan with noona and I had to keep myself to it, we had spent too much time to build it up, I couldn’t ruin everything only a few days before the beginning of the new school year.

I slowed down only when I was far enough from the club, just in case Jongup-hyung had tried to go after me. I was alone, panting while walking and I smiled widely to myself. I had saw him. Last time I had only been able to hear his voice but this time I had saw him, and he hadn’t really changed. He was as beautiful as in my memories, and even though he hadn’t been smiling to me, his smile was still this warm. Walking to noona’s place, I thought back to when he was used to smile and to protect me. The simple thought that he would soon again made me happier even. I couldn’t wait for it to happen, as I kept thinking about how warm Yongguk-hyung was I started to get a weird feeling in my lower region, new images I had never had before came to my mind, Yongguk-hyung hugging me, and with this image I got butterflies in my stomach. A new image came to my mind and I brought my fingers to my lips, stopping myself in the middle of the street, wondering how it would feel. Yongguk-hyung kissing me.


	33. Far

** JONGUP POINT OF VIEW **

Time flew in a blink, I couldn’t believe that the last time I had saw Junhong was three months ago already.

> ✉ From Yongguk-hyung
> 
> → Forget Junhong. Don’t try to go see him, he can’t stay with us.

We had left the basement with Himchan-hyung since a moment already, leaving Junhong and Yongguk-hyung alone. It was our last school day and we knew they liked to spend some time by themselves to wander in the school. We were walking home when we both received that message from Yongguk-hyung. Without exchanging more than a glance with Himchan-hyung, we turned round ran back to the basement. The time we got there Junhong had already left and only stayed Yongguk-hyung with his brother.

" What happened ? Where is Junhong ? " I asked looking around in case I would have missed or if I could find anything that would give me an idea about what happened, maybe they had fought but everything looked correctly in place and unbroken.

" What the fuck is that Bang ? " Himchan-hyung had always been pretty clear with the questions he asked, he showed Yongguk-hyung the message he had got on his phone.

" It’s over. That’s all. I have better to do than to babysit a kid. " Yongugk-hyung replied nonchalantly looking back at his screens after he uninterestedly peeked at his friend’s phone screen.

" You liar. " I muttered, gritting my teeth. It wasn’t every day that I would get angry over Yongguk-hyung but when he would, it wasn’t just a bit as Daehyun-hyung and Youngjae-hyung did.

" I said. It’ over Jongup " he glared at me still his body turned toward his screen while only his head had moved.

" I don’t believe this. I’ll go after Junhong and he will explain me in details what happened. " I replied back stubbornly turning round, facing the door as I stepped away from Yongguk-hyung. I should have known he wouldn’t let me go this easily, I heard noises in my back the following instant he was behind me, grabbing me by the back of my shirt before pulling me backward to stop me. He stepped in front the exit.

" Hadn’t you heard what  I said ? " He tried to frighten me, which, I had to admit, would have worked if I didn’t know how Junhong was worth the beating I would get.

" I did- "

Yongguk-hyung had never liked when whoever opposed themselves to him, even us. But this time he had fucked up with Junhong and I didn’t planned on letting him get away this easily. No without me putting on a fight for my friend. He punched me and I fall backward, landing on my ass while he came above me, he kept punching restlessly. Himchan-hyung tried to stop him but Yongnam had been fast grabbing him before throwing him onto the couch, handling Himchan-hyung as if he was weighting nothing. I saw Yongnam pinning Himchan-hyung to the sofa, he on top of my hyung and this was much more than I could handle. All the things Yongnam had already done to Himchan-hyung by the past came back to my mind as if the sky was falling onto my head and I knew that even if I had to fight Yongguk-hyung to stand for Junhong, I could less let the same thing happen again to Himchan-hyung. Not under my watch. I grabbed Yongguk-hyung’s arms and kicked him off of me, bursting into Yongnam before I grabbed Himchan-hyung and ran out of the school. I kept running piggy backing Himchan-hyung not turning back so I had no clue if the twins were still after us.

" Jongup… I think it’s okay … " I heard Himchan-hyung say in my ear and I slowly slowed down until stopping completely before letting Himchan-hyung off my back.

" Hyung ! We need to find Junhong ! " I almost screamed to him before turning round, starting to walk toward Youngjae’s place.

" Jongup…

— I’m quite sure he went to Youngjae’s house.

— Jongup…

— We can- ” I stopped talking as I had turned my head to look at Himchan-hyung which I expected to be walking by my side but he had remained at the place where I had put him down. He hadn’t make a single and I turned completely toward him, staying where I was too which was only a few steps away from him, tilting my head trying to understand what he was doing.

" Hyung. If we don’t hurry we will be late. We can’t let Junhong all by himself and you know how much Daehyun and Youngjae worship Yongguk-hyung… " I started explaining but Himchan-hyung stayed silent so I kept one, "especially Daehyun !! He will kick Junhong out Youngjae’s house !!! " I was standing there in the middle of the road bursting at Himchan-hyung who was still not moving an inch, his expression unreadable until I noticed his wet eyes.

" I know… " turning his head to the side he let out in a whisper -that I understood only because I had been able to read on his lips- before biting on his lower lip, his arms crossed over his chest as he hugged himself. Taking a few steps toward him I grabbed him suddenly by his shoulders to shake him slightly, only to get him his mind clear over the situation.

" Hyung ! We  **can’t**  let Junhong by himself !

— Jongup-ah… ” he finally looked at me in the eyes and I saw my reflection inside his wet eyes.

" Hyung … " my plea came out in a whine, my throat starting to get too tighten for me to be able to pronounce any further words. I heard my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pinched my nose before taking a deep breath trying to ignore the tears in my eyes that threatened to fall out and down my cheeks before plunging my hand in my pocket, I took out my phone from there and looked at the message I just received.

> ✉ From Yongguk-hyung
> 
> → I’m sorry.

I wanted to scream and to tell them all to get the hell out, that I wouldn’t take their shit and still go to Junhong. But Himchan-hyung was standing next to me crying silently. I looked around breathing heavily and finally let my anger out by kicking in the nearest trashcan, throwing it against a whole, and I went to destroy the more things I could reach in my surrounding. Himchan-hyung didn’t try to stop me.

The holidays went slower than ever, Junhong didn’t left my mind a single time. I knew we all kept thinking about him but remained silent about the subject because Yongguk-hyung refused to talk about him. This is how we knew, he too, had his mind full of the curly blonde haired boy.  Where was he ? How was he ? What was he doing ? Those three questions kept repeating in my head every day. First I would ask it out loud to the others, but with the time I learned to keep it for myself as it looked more like it was annoying them.

Wherever I was, I kept looking around me, checking the surroundings with wide eyes, hoping I would suddenly see him afar, somewhere. When being in the basement, I sat on the sofa and kept my eyes stuck on the door, getting myself ready to see the handle move at any time and to see Junhong entering as if nothing had happened, being his usual cheerful self. Apparently my behavior annoyed Himchan-hyung, one day he came up to me and started punching me telling me to stop. I fought back, not hitting him too hard because I didn’t want to hurt him, but I did ask why he wanted me to stop because I was doing nothing. He replied that that was the problem and the quarrel went on, the conversation leading us nowhere, Yongguk-hyung had to separate us.

Reflecting over the attitude I had had with them, I finally understood what Himchan-hyung meant, yet I didn’t I stop what I was /doing/ so far. I kept waiting for Junhong, I just did it in a  more discreet way. Doing so I realized I wasn’t the only one and this is how I became closer to Youngjae. Whenever we would be only the two of us we talked about Junhong, exchanging news we had been able to gather about him. Youngjae told me that one time he went to Junhong’s home but it seemed like he didn’t go home. That was something we worried about, if he wasn’t home… where was he ? I just hoped he was doing fine… or at least that he was still alive…

Summer holidays were done and school started again but still no sign of Junhong, he didn’t come back to school…

> ✉ From Damnhyun
> 
> → Im speaking with my dad rn, he saw Junhong in the hospital

We were all together, only Daehyun was missing, that’s how I knew that he did send the same message to each one of us. It didn’t take us that long to get up from our seat and to leave the theater. We reached the Jung’s family club in no time. We burst into his father’s office who explained us that Junhong had attempted to commit suicide. Impossible. We all got our jaw dropping hearing the sad news. How could he ?! This wasn’t the only thing we did learn. We all glared at Yongguk-hyung when Daehyun’s father said he was the cause of all Junhong’s misfortune, but that wasn’t the worst. Junhong did know about it and yet, according to Daejung, he didn’t blame Yongguk-hyung, neither did he for Yongnam. I guess that finally he was like us… with all the things Yongguk-hyung did, even if we wanted to, it was simply impossible to put any blame on him for the pain he caused, it was the same for his brother. It was how the Bang twins were. 

" I’m sure it was him !! "

I had grabbed Youngjae in a corner and we were exchanging some whispers in a corner while the others were busy talking together. It had been on our way to Daehyun’s family’s club, that’s when I saw him afar. It looked like he had been walking this way from his house. I have the impression he had been looking at us, almost like observing us. At the moment I thought I was day dreaming and the time I realize it was really him, he had already run away. Even if that boy was taller than what I remembered Junhong to be, I was sure it was him. Youngjae was looking at me jealously while I was telling him how stronger and bigger he looked right now, he wasn’t the weak boy we had taken in back then.

" You’re really sure it was him ? " Youngjae whispered back to me, it looked like he had hard time to believe me. Maybe he was too jealous he didn’t want to, yet I nodded to his stubbornness.

" Isn’t it because those girls said they saw him on Christmas Day ?

— What ?

— Isn’t it because those girls said they saw him back then, you want to say it too ?

— What are you saying ?

— I’m saying that you want to see him that much you’re imagining it. You heard girls from our school talking about him, and you just gave me the exact same description as they did. It may be a trick of your own imagination.

— I hadn’t dreamed it !! I’m sure I saw that boy and it was Junhong. ” I mumbled upset, how could he say thing like that ? He patted my shoulder giving me a small smile before walking off to the others. I knew I should have run after him.

Sure, we all had been surprised when those girls were spreading this strange news about Junhong being at the ice skate park with -apparently- his girlfriend. Yongguk-hyung did the necessary to stop this rumor. We knew he did it out of jealousy. Because Junhong had a beautiful girlfriend ? Because Junhong had forgotten him ? I didn’t know which one it was. It was around that time that we all realized something. Or course we did all wish for Junhong to be happy but now we knew he was it didn’t seem right yet. Something was wrong. So wrong. We didn’t want Junhong to be happy.

We wanted him to be happy  **by our side**.


	34. It's too hard

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

Fingers on my lips, I was by now running back to noona, not only I had to tell her what happened but right now I felt like something wasn’t right and I wanted her to check on me. I was focused on what I had to tell Hyosung-noona, I didn’t even check what time it was nor if I had any messages on my phone. Entering the apartment without ringing the bell, I had already one foot in the living when I realized that I shouldn’t be here.

" EAT MEEEEE !! Ahhh-mmm YES! THERE! mmmMORE! NNN! MOOORE! "

The room suddenly got on fire and it became way too hot in the apartment, my face must be redder than a Spanish tomato growing under burning sun, yet I was completely frozen on place, unable to make any move. What should I do ? What reaction to have ? What action to take in that sort of situation ? Because I felt sick I couldn’t go outside for a walk waiting for noona to be done with…what she was doing. Pinching my lips into a hard line, I walked to the sofa to sit on it, and I waited. Unfortunately, Hyosung-noona’s apartment wasn’t like Youngjae-hyung’s one, it was tinier and looked way cheaper. The walls were thin. I was still wondering what to do, wishing for her to end this soon so she could take care of my case and to help me with my problem. Tears of physical pain started to appear in my eyes, it hurt so much. I knew that I would be affected if ever I came to see Yongguk-hyung but I didn’t know it would hurt that badly. How will I ever be able to act as in the plan if I’m that hurt seeing him afar and in a so short time. How will I survive next year ?

" AGAIN !! MORE !! MMMNNNnnn !! YES !! THERE ! THERE ! MORE !! AHH !! "

My mind was way busy with Yongguk-hyung, I didn’t mind about noona anymore, tapping my fingers on my knees while I kept waiting…

" I-I !! I’M CUMMING ! YES !! I ! I !! I’M CUMMIIIIING !! "

Finally. Noona came … out of her room with a man, holding hands together, thankfully they were clothed and talking happily together, the man suddenly stopped when he saw me and asked her if I was her little brother, slightly scolding her for letting me be a ‘witness’ of her business. I didn’t really mind, I knew she did it for work even if I didn’t really know what she did exactly, I had some sort of a global idea of the whole thing. I think. Because no one ever told me, it was assumptions from me and from some science books. Turning to me, noona blushed when her eyes met mine.

" Junhong ?! Since when are you here ?

— Since ‘eat me’ I think. ” I replied nonchalantly, well, I simply replied to a simple question. Yet, her face became even redder while the man by her side laughed. She slapped his arm and led him outside before coming back to the living room. She scowled and stopped in front me, her fists on her hips while she looked down to me. 

" Junhong-ah ! You know you can’t be here while I work ! Don’t you remember you have to go out when something like this happen ? What will I tell to Daejung now ? " She moved her fists from her hips to her hairs, grabbing it as she looked like panicking slightly.

" It’s not like I wasn’t used to it… " I shrugged not understanding what was the big deal in it, and what it had to do with Daehyun’s father.

" What-

— Noona, you say the same things while you sleep.

— … ” She kept blushing harder and harder and I found this quite cute.

" And you’re worst when being drunk… " if possible, I think she would have flushed even more, until becoming redder than the color red itself, it was funny how easy it was to make her embarrassed with words only. No actions was being taken, I was sitting on the sofa looking at her. For the time I lived with her, she taught me how to use words well and right now I was just applying all the things I learned.

" Okay ! Stop ! Why are you home already ? " she moved a strand of hair behind her ear before crossing her arms in front her chest, trying to regain her noona’s authority she had long lost with me.

" I saw Yongguk-hyung…

— What ? You saw him ? Did he see you ?

— I don’t think so … but Jongup-hyung saw me…

— He was there too ? Where did you see them ?

— In front Daejung’s club. They were heading there. 

— Why were you near the club ?

— I was on my way back here from my house, I wanted to go see Daejung…

— Oh, I see… did you see your parents ? “

I shook my head looking down to the floor, staring at it. I felt sad thinking about my parents I hadn’t seen since a long time, and in a part of my mind I wondered if my interrogatory was done. ” They should have been at work… ” She didn’t reply me with words, instead she took me in her arms which didn’t help my previous problem. The problem I had come here for in the first place. ” Noona ~

— hmm ?

— I need your help… 

— For ?

— Something is wrong with me … My body started to hurt more and more since I saw Yongguk-hyung..

— Wha- oh ~ ” She first asked, but then her eyes dropped on my crotch and without adding anything she kneeled down in front of me. She looked up to my face smiling softly to reassure me and took my hands in her own. ” Nothing is wrong with you Junhong-ah, it’s totally normal for you to react this way.

—  It hurts…

— Yes, it does. But there’s a way to make the pain go.

—  There is ?

—  I’ll show you how to handle it. ” She nodded and I looked at her, stars shining in my eyes. Hyosung-noona was so cool, she had always a solution to every problem, how to get back my Hyungs, how to take care of my problem. I looked at what she was doing, wondering how she would be able to remove the pain as I was really curious about it. She started to unzip my jeans and opened it, a bulge had been formed in my pants. She removed it a bit so my dick would come out in a weird way. I had never seen it like this. It hurt so much…

" Look at how I’m doing it so you’ll be able to do it yourself when it would happen again, okay ?

— Is it sure I’ll have it again ? Maybe it would never happen again…” I said hopefully but she simply chuckled.

" I’m sorry to tell you that, but it’ll will happen again. Don’t worry and just look for now." She said again and I nodded. Staring at her to not lose any of her movement. She put one hand on the top of my dick and I gasped at the weird feeling of having someone touching me there. Surrounding the extremity of my member with her fist, she slid it down my upright cock. She moved it up and down, not stopping at one movement only and kept doing it. I whimpered slightly but soon I started to magically feel better. I gasped, my mouth staying opened and I couldn’t close it anymore because of endless gasps. The sounds noona was doing earlier were now going out from my own throat.

" Oh, noona…

— Does it feel better Junhong-ah ? “

I nodded again, this time more eagerly, my body squirming on its own. I felt like adrenaline was going through my body like when I was excited about going to amusement park, when I was younger and started to talk useless and sometimes incomprehensible words, because what mattered then was for me to let out my excitement than saying things actually. She sped up her hand movements and I felt my guts squirming and probably curling and wrapping over itself. I suddenly wanted to pee, badly. I wanted to tell noona I had to go to the toilet, but I couldn’t even think straight. A simple addition such as 1 + 1 looked like arithmetic. With her free hand she wrapped it around my balls and massaged it. It felt so good. I closed my eyes, holding myself tightly on the sofa’s cushion on each side of my legs. I wanted to feel her hand more and more and as if she could read my mind, she tightened her hold on me and a silent cry left my opened mouth. My body spasmed slightly while my head rolled on the side before it ended hanging back, my nape pressed against the topped part of my back. I felt something coming out from my penis and I felt so ashamed of myself, opening my eyes I looked at Hyosung-noona with teary eyes, sniffing.

" Noona… I’m so sorry…" I apologized while looked at her grabbing a handkerchief to wipe my weird white pee from her face. I had peed on noona like a baby. How would I ever be able to go back to class in that state ? They should send me back to kindergarten.

" It’s okay Junhong-ah…

— I didn’t want to pee on you noona…” I started to cry but she sat next me to take me in her arms.

" You hadn’t idiot, this is called ‘sperm’. " She chuckled and I blinked at her wiping my eyes, I did already heard about that word, in science book, they said it was made to make babies and I suddenly got scared. I wasn’t ready to become a father.

" Noona… does that mean … I’ll become a father and you a mother ?

— No, it’s not like this it works and even… don’t worry. I can’t have kids. ” She tried to make it sound like it didn’t mattered to her, but I still could hear in her voice she was sad from this, so I decided to not talk about it now. I didn’t want to make my noona sad while she had helped me with my problem. I looked down at my penis which was slowly going back to its normal state. Once I could, I put it back in my boxer and zipped up my pants. ” Is it the first time it happens to you ?

— Yes… what was it ? Why did it happen to me ?

— You had your first hard-on Junhong-ah ! And it happened because you’re becoming a man. ” She congratulated me and I smiled at her. If I was becoming a man it meant I would be able to face Yongguk-hyung. And me who had thought that because of it Yongguk-hyung would consider me as a baby… If ever he dared say a thing about my age, then I would tell him that I had my first hard-on so I was no more a baby !

" Is it that much a good thing ?

— What do you know about sex Junhong-ah ?

— … not that much … I didn’t have the right to ask things about sex with my parents.

— Hmm, well. When you love someone very very much you want to make that person happy with your body. As I just done to you. You felt good when I touched you, didn’t you ?

— Yes.

— It’s like that. Like when you want to kiss someone.

— I want to kiss Yongguk-hyung. 

— I know. ” she chuckled and ruffled my hair. ” What I had done to you is called a hand job.

— Hand job ? ” I blinked at her, strangely the word looked a lot like that other one, ” then. What is a blowjob ?

— Oh, you know that word already ? ” She put her hand in front her mouth to laugh softly, yet not her usual laugh which was way louder and would took longer to stop, ” a blowjob is when you do the same as the hand job, but with your mouth. “

In one instant, the room became so hot again, I could feel my cheeks burning as a memory came back to my mind. Yongguk-hyung and me, sitting on the grass while I was explaining him what a blowjob was, and my hyung laughing at me…. I felt so stupid. Yet, I couldn’t help that warm feeling inside my chest. He had asked me to not tell anyone about it, and I understood then he had done that to protect me. I didn’t even want to imagine how my parents would have reacted if I had told them…

" You know what a pussy is, don’t you ? I already heard you using this word…

— Yeah. ” I mumbled, shaking my head, trying to get rid of that image of Yongguk-hyung laughing… I missed him so much.

" Do you know how it looks like ?

— I saw it in a science book… 

— Hm, okay. So when you’re like this, ” she pointed to my crotch, probably referring to how it looked earlier, ” you put your penis in the girl’s pussy… what else can I tell you ? … Ah ! You’re gay ! ” she burst loudly clapping in her hands.

" I know. " I said and she chuckled.

" Do you know how gay sex works ? " She raised an eyebrow at me.

" I had never thought about it…

— What did you imagine when you saw Yongguk earlier ?

— I imagined him smiling to me, and kissing me.

— Wow… you’ve became that hard with thinking about that only ? Damn, I know someone who will be a happy lover… ” she said and mumbled, but I think she did more to herself as I had no clue what the hell she was talking about. It sounded like she was speaking Chinese to me.

" What ?

— Hum… forget what I said… “ 

I blinked a few times looking at her, and as she had always good advices, I decided to do as she asked. ” If sex is as great as a hand job I want to have sex with Yongguk-hyung … But boys doesn’t have pussy … what should I do ?

— Well, there’s not that many holes on a boy’s body to put your dick in …

— This will never fit ! ” I gasped and she laughed more loudly this time, hitting her laps as she did so. I looked at her dumbfounded, I didn’t understand what was that funny. It would hurt as hell…

" Did you already see Yongguk’s dick ? " she asked to me, a strange and scary smile appearing on her face.

" No.

— So… maybe there’s no matter to freak out about. ” she managed to say trying to breath to calm down before exploding in laugh again, her mouth opened widely. She was so loud, whenever a sound would come out of her mouth it was always on max volume.

" Isn’t there another way ?

— I will let this subject to Yongguk. I don’t think he would be happy if I was the one to teach you. He will show you. But ! First. ” She raised her index in front my face, ” you need him to come back to you ! “And she moved her hand to ruffle my hair.

" Are you ready ? It will be the first meeting day of the new school year soon. "

 I nodded to her.

" I am ready. "


	35. A new start

** ZELO POINT OF VIEW **

Standing in front MAMA, I looked around. Nothing had changed. What had I thought ? That in a single year it would have change and for the students to be different. Not at all, everything was creepily the same as the first day of my first year. Students chatting happily while they made their way toward the gymnasium at the other side of the schoolyard. I took a deep breath closing my eyes, trying to calm down my fast beating heart. Wondering now if I was really ready for this shit. I remembered what Daejung and Hyosung-noona used to tell me when I said I was ready… I had some doubts I really was, now that I was standing here and that there was no possible way back. On my first year, I had been through many things, the bullying, Wonshik, my Hyungs and more particularly, Yongguk-hyung. He had entered in my life and made a mess into my perfect little life, I couldn’t imagine my future without him.

I was waiting Wonshik to arrive when some girls started to surround me, asking me all sort of questions. By the look of their uniform I knew they were freshwomen, yet they were so loud. I remembered Yongguk-hyung had faced the same kind last year and I wondered how he had been able to endure girls like them ? And more since it probably wasn’t the first time he had to… I kept looking around, mainly toward the road, searching Wonshik with my eyes. I hadn’t too many difficulties as I was now almost as tall as the tallest people out there. I had been waiting for a whole fifteen minutes when I realized something. I did grow up a lot in that short time, so, what if Wonshik didn’t recognize me ? What if I had changed too much ? What if he had been the one changing too much and I hadn’t recognized him ? Taking out my phone from my pocket, I typed him a message.

> ✉ To Wonshik
> 
> → Did u arrive ?

—

> ✉ From Wonshik
> 
> → Not yet. Im near, u there already ?

—

> ✉ To Wonshik
> 
> → Yea… Im being harassed by pussies ㅠㅠ Save me ~~

—

> ✉ From Wonshik
> 
> → A damsel in distress ? Im flying to u /o/ ㅋㅋ

I chuckled at his message while the girls around kept trying to talk to me. Even if I looked annoyed at the moment because of those leeches around me, I felt light hearted, I would soon meet Wonshik again and maybe he had changed physically, but inwardly he was still the same and that was a nice feeling. My phone beeped as I got another message.

> ✉ From Wonshik
> 
> → Min Rin’s also there, hadn’t u c her ?

—

> ✉ To Wonshik
> 
> → No. 2 many ppl and Im staying at the gate.

Finally after giving them my name, I succeeded to get them to leave me alone. Probably happy enough with getting my name for the moment. I sighed thinking that I will have to find another trick next time to get rid of them without accepting or rejecting their confessions. I thought it was stupid to confess just like that, but thinking deeper about it. If I did have the guts to during my first days in MAMA, I would have probably confessed to Yongguk-hyung too. A car like many others arrived, but at the difference that the person inside was actually someone I had wanted to see since a long time. Wonshik came out the dark green car and walked to me, stopping only a few feet afar. I had been waving and smiling to him but blinked at his reaction when he stopped suddenly. I didn’t really know how to react, should I take him in my arms ? Shake his hand ? Bow ? We looked at each other a few more seconds, the ambiance starting to get weird as he was peering at me from head to toe. I stayed still waiting for him to do or say something.

" Wow !

— Yeah, I kind of agree. It’s nice to see you too… ” I mumbled acting like I had been offended but it didn’t last long before the two of us burst out in laugh.

" Ha ha, I’m sorry. It’s just… Those girls had been saying you had changed a lot but … I hadn’t expected you to grow that much ! " He pointed my feet and moved his finger up to point to my head and I chuckled shrugging. He finally approached me and patted my shoulder slightly before making me turn round and he started walking, inviting me to follow him. " We should head to the gymnasium before they catch us…

— They ?

— I hadn’t any problem with Yongguk-sunbaenim and his band through the past year, and you know what ? I plan it to be the same for the six years left for me to spend here.

— Ha ha! Well I guess it’s too late for me… ” He chuckled and we were finally heading toward the gymnasium, following the flow of students. I did talk with Wonshik about Yongguk-hyung, he told me how it was going on at school, and I told him everything that had happen with Yongguk-hyung and his band, minus the reason as why Yongguk-hyung had kicked me out of his band. I didn’t want to talk with him about my mother, also because I didn’t know what had happened between Yongguk-hyung and her for their relation to be that bad. I did tell him that I had hanged out with Yongguk-hyung and  his band until he kicked me out. Somehow, Wonshik had figured out the feelings I had for Yongguk-hyung, not that I had been hiding it anyway, but he told me that he understood my pain.

The more we were getting near the gymnasium, the more my heart was beating fast. When we entered the gymnasium I saw Yongguk-hyung and all my hyungs. Finally. My heart  stopped his beat race, and stopped beating at all. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw them not that far from me, was to run to them and to hug and kiss each one of them, telling them how much I had missed them. But I couldn’t do that, Hyosung-noona had forbidden me to, I had to control my facial expression the best I could, to not show how much happy I was to see them. Come on Junhong, you practiced this a lot in front the mirror you can do it. They looked like they were checking all the students entering, so of course, they saw me too.

> _" Ignore them. "_

I could feel their gaze on me but I passed by without even granting them a glance. It hurts, I wanted to run to them, to jump them and hug them, but for now ignoring them like that was the right way to do, I kept repeating to myself that this was for the best. They were so near, just two more steps and I would be standing by their side like I used to be. Two steps, but I felt like they were way more far from me, like a huge invisible wall between us. Back to square one, when we were living in different worlds. It hurt as hell. Passing by, my hair stood up on my nape when I heard Jongup-hyung whispering my name. But I didn’t turn round or even gave any reaction to show I had hear him and kept walking, going to where I was supposed to stand, with my class. I went to the same place where all my classmates were standing. Some glanced at me thinking I was a new student that had probably moved in town, others looked at me in a suspicious way, and they knew they had seen me already but were unable to say where. They did recognize me only once they saw Wonshik was with me. We joined Minrin and she blushed looking up at me. 

> _" You have to do everything you can to let them think you’re interested in girls. "_

" It’s been a long time Minrin " I smiled softly ruffling slightly her hair, and with a gesture as simple as that she was now as red as a tomato. " Did you know that my favorite fruit is tomato ? " She blinked big round eyes at me, probably wondering what I was talking about, before shaking her head. " If you keep looking like one, I’ll eat you up. " I chuckled leaning toward her, plunging my eyes in hers and she looked down at her feet pressing the back of her hands on her cheeks to cool it down a little.

" I think we lost her. " Wonshik commented and we laughed as Minrin kept blushing. I put my hand on her shoulder and squeezed her near me.

" We should stop bothering her. " I laughed.

" Yeah, maybe we will… later. " Wonshik replied me pinching Minrin’s cheeks.

This was easier than what I had thought it would be, and I felt happy. Not only because I was having fun with my friends, but mainly because I had at the moment something I had been craving for a long long long time. From the corner of my eyes I had kept glancing discreetly at Yongguk-hyung and my other hyungs. I had their full attention. The look on their face, it was so funny, so epic, it helped me to laugh happily with my whole heart. 

> _" When this will be done, he must be glaring at you. Look slowly at him and let him know you’re better without him. "_ _  
>  _ _" But it’s false. I want to be with him ! "_ _  
>  _ _" JUST ! Do as I say ! " Noona flicked my forehead and I winced before she kept explaining me what the plan was._

Slowly turning my head toward Yongguk-hyung, I locked my eyes with his. I had stopped laughing and smiling, I just kept glaring at him, emotionless. Don’t ask how, even myself didn’t know how I was able to do such a thing. While I was looking at him I thought about the things that upset me, which were of course things that hadn’t anything to do with Yongguk-hyung. By the time the director started his speech I was frowning slightly and this time I quickly turned my head away, giving my attention to what was happening on the stage. I could feel Yongguk-hyung’s glare on the back of my head and I smiled softly, feeling glad he was.

 

> _❝_ _To all newcomers, Welcome to MAMA SCHOOL, And to all the others. Welcome back home._
> 
> _MAMA isn’t only a place where you will be learning mathematics, literature, history or geography. It is an excellent place to live your most beautiful years. MAMA will be your second home._
> 
> _As in the world you will enter after graduating from this school, there are rules to follow. And the most important rule is : Not to be disrespectful._
> 
> _Respect your parents. Your teachers. Your elders. Your friends. And especially respect yourself._
> 
> _Rules are made for everybody to live together in peace. So I hope you’ll never break this peace. That you’ll never break the rules._
> 
> _I hope you’ll fulfill your dreams here. And if you haven’t found it yet, I hope we can help you to find it soon._
> 
> _Once again. Welcome and Welcome Back to MAMA._ _❞_

I looked amazed at the director. Slowly raising my hands to clap, I had my mouth slightly opened in awe. I clapped along with the other students and teachers, from the corner of my eyes I could see that Yongguk-hyung and his band were the only ones not clapping. Instead they were looking seriously at the crowd, not really giving any attention to what was happening on the stage. I wasn’t really either, most of the time checking what my hyungs were up to. Even, this was just amazing. It was that his speech hadn’t changed at all, it was exactly the same as last year, word for word.

" I heard that the director hadn’t changed his speech through the past six year… " Wonshik leaned forward, looking both at me and at Min who was standing at my side to whisper to us. We chuckled at his comment and he looked back at the stage while the director was waving a hand to the crowd of students, asking for silence. While he gave a bit more explanation about how the school year would happen, I peeked at Wonshik by my side. Sometimes he reminded me of Youngjae-hyung. They didn’t look like the kind to be interested in gossip, yet they were aware of any of them in the school. 

We exited the gymnasium and my hyungs kept glaring at me the same way they did when I had entered earlier, trying to catch my eyes, and the exact same way I kept my eyes on Wonshik and Minrin, acting like I was fully immersed into our conversation. Hell, I couldn’t even understand what we were actually talking about, simply nodding. When we were out, I glanced back, noticing only now that Minrin wasn’t with us. While I tried to catch a glance of her, I witnessed Jongup-hyung making a weird movement, trying to walk away but Himchan-hyung was preventing him to.

" Where is Minrin ? " I asked trying to focus on what I was doing, rather than on what my hyungs were.

" I don’t know… she was behind us… " Wonshik glanced at me and started to search her with his eyes too. That’s when I saw her. She was being surrounded by some girls. I glared to them and when they saw me they let go off Minrin who hurried herself to join us.

" What did they want ? " I asked her and she shrugged.

" They asked me things about you …

— Hmm… you would tell me if anyone annoyed again, wouldn’t you ? ” I asked her worried, moving a hand to her hair, moving it away from her eyes and she smiled up to me.

" … I would… " She nodded beaming at me and it reassured me.

" Good. " Putting each of my arms on my two short friends’ shoulders, I smiled brightly. "How about we go eat some ice cream ? " I said cheerfully, loud enough for my hyungs to hear me, because I knew they were listening to us… listening to me.

" Yeah ! Let’s go ! " Wonshik cheered with me while Minrin gave her agreement with a simple nod, yet a small smile on her lips.

> _" Be careful and check which one of your hyungs would be most likely to come back to you. The one you feel it would be the easiest."_

I thought about Jongup-hyung who had whispered my name and acted like he wanted to walk after me if Himchan-hyung hadn’t stopped him…

> _" He will be the first one you will act on. "_


	36. Plan 1 get back Jongup-hyung - failed

** JONGUP POINT OF VIEW **

_" What about we go eat some ice cream ?_ _“_

" If you follow him, never come back. " Yongguk-hyung tried to threaten me but I wasn’t buying it.

" Fine. " I replied and turned my back to him before running toward Junhong, at least toward the direction he had left toward because he was no more near around to see anymore.

" JONGUP-AH ! " Himchan-hyung burst after me but I didn’t turn back. It wasn’t the time to. I knew Himchan-hyung would be angry at me, but Junhong was the one who needed me to not turn my back to right at the moment. I knew Yongguk-hyung too well, he had said that, but it was just words he had say out of pride, he didn’t mean an ounce of it, and he wouldn’t kick me out when I would be back. Right now, I couldn’t let Junhong. I had promise to myself that I would never let something like the restroom incident happen ever again. Through the time he hadn’t been by our side, I realized how much I needed him. How much Youngjae needed him. How much, each one of us needed him, but mainly, how much Yongguk-hyung needed him. What was so complicated in that situation ? Hyung was sad because Junhong had left and it wasn’t in his custom to give up that easily. So now it was my turn to take action. I wouldn’t let my Hyung stay in his depression mind just because he had too much pride.

I was pretty sure Junhong had yelled where he was going for us to come after him. For me to come after him, I did notice the way he glanced at me before leaving. I also saw the pain in his eyes when he had some eye contact with Yongguk-hyung before and during the director’s speech. Who could have guessed such a little boy had that much pride in him too… They were just two big fools.

Making my way to the downtown, I remembered that ice cream shop where I brought him one time. He had loved it a lot and as I had no other plan, I decided to start with what I had, it wasn’t that much but at least it was the beginning of a plan. I didn’t put that long to reach the downtown and pushing open the ice cream shop’s door, stepping inside I glanced around. I wasn’t really in the mood for an ice-cream so if he wasn’t there, there were no reason for me to stay in. But here he was. Sitting at the same table we did once, he was with his two friends and the three of them looked at me surprised. I smiled to them and mainly to Junhong while I made my way to the counter to buy myself an ice cream. Junhong kept looking at me, amazed, his eyes not leaving me and I was looking at him back. Maybe somewhere deep inside me I was afraid for him to disappear if I came to remove my eyes from him. When my order was done I walked to their table, grabbed a chair on my way and sat next to Junhong. They didn’t say anything nor so did I. I kept smiling warmly to Junhong, fighting the urge to hug him and I noticed his eyes got slightly wet. A last smile and I looked down to my ice cream, starting eating it while they resumed their own. We stayed silent the whole time, the only sound being hearable at our table was the cling of our spoons against the cups.

" Can I borrow Junhong from you ? " I was done before all of them even though I had started eating my ice cream the last, and I had waited for them to be done, rubbing my hands together under the table and looking around in the shop. I asked once they were done and looking at each other, probably wondering what to do now. His two friends nodded slowly, maybe too impressed to say anything. Standing from my chair, I grabbed Junhong’s arm and walked out of the shop, dragging him along. We walked silently for a moment before I took a deep breath, deciding to break the awkward silence..

" It’s been a long time. " I said trying to be cheerful, I knew he had gone through a lot of stuff but I wanted to cheer him up. I looked at him expectantly but he just nodded. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted him to talk to me. I had missed him so much and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t daydreaming or that my mind wasn’t tricking me like Youngjae had told me once. " Where have you been ? I spent my whole holidays looking for you… and the end of last school year too… " He glanced to me from the corner of his eyes and looked back in front him while we kept walking. " I wanted everybody to go to the beach together… " I started and waited any kind of reaction from him but nothing, he remained silent so I kept on. " But instead we stayed here … " I pouted slightly and still no reaction from him, was he even listening to me ? " I heard about what you had done, Junhong-ah. " This time my tone was less friendly as I scolded him, I saw him shivering slightly and that’s what decided me, I didn’t care if he would fight me off now, I had enough of his behavior, I hadn’t been the one to fight with him at first. I stopped suddenly to walk, grabbing him by his arm to make him stop to the same way I would made him turn to face me. " Why did you think about calling Daehyun’s father for help instead of one of us ?

— … He was the only one I could trus- “

I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, he may be slightly taller than me, I was still stronger. ” WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME ?! “ His eyes got wider until becoming two round balls. ” WHY ?! ” I shook him  slightly and he didn’t even try to get me off of him.

" I thought… you wouldn’t help me… like the others…

— You thought wrong. ” I released him and he kept staring at me. Sighing, I rubbed my eyelids, trying to cool myself down. Most of all the times to, now weren’t the moment to get angry at the one in front me, no matter how frustrated I was.

" Won’t you have problem with Yongguk-hyung if you stay with me ? " he asked tilting his head like he knew to do oh so well and made him look so cute.

" I will… " I chuckled and he tilted his head on his other side, his lips in a slight shape of a ‘o’ as he tried to understand. I smiled to him, he may have grown a lot, but he was still as cute as I remembered him " was that the reason why you hide yourself the whole time ? That you ignored me this morning ? " He blinked slowly before looking down to his feet. " Listen, if you say you don’t want me anywhere near you, I’ll let you at peace… but then you’ll have to be really convincing.

— Jongup-hyung … ” A small smile appeared on his face as he whispered my name looking up to me, and I felt glad I could still make him smile this way. That he didn’t hate me. I took him in my arms.

" I missed you Junhong-ah. I was so scared. Don’t ever try to go away from me like this. " I said and he hugged me back, nodding his head and soon I felt my shoulder becoming wet as he was crying on me. I smiled even though he couldn’t see me and I pet the back of his head hushing him, trying to soothe him. Finally he had dropped his mask. A mask he had worn since he had entered the gymnasium. Finally, I had found back the Junhong I had missed that much.

We walked to a little park and sat on a bench… the same way we had done almost a year ago. 

" I didn’t think you would come to me like this. " I blinked at him wondering what he was talking about. " I was ready to fight to get you back.

— To fight ? ” I chuckled and he nodded pinching his lips. ” Who ?

— What ?

— Who were you ready to fight ?

— No-… no one… just… it’s just an idiom… I mean… to do everything in my power to…

— Ahh… I thought you were talking about Yongguk-hyung. ” I shrugged but I wasn’t a fool, I did notice the way he reacted when I pronounced Yongguk-hyung’s name.

" How… " I was still looking at him, in a caring way. I knew what he wanted to ask but I wanted him to ask it out so I waited for him to gather himself. " How is he ?

— Who ? ” Of course I knew what he wanted to ask, so I knew who he was talking about but I needed him to say his name out loud. 

" … Yongguk…hyung… " His voice came out like a sort of whisper, as if he wasn’t allowed to say his name, hesitating probably between saying hyung or sunbaenim. I felt glad he was still using hyung to refer to him.

" How do you think he is ?

— … I don’t know…

— Where are you living now ? Youngjae did watch out your parent’s house but you never came back there…

— I’m living with Hyosung-noona…

— Hyosung-noona ? … The dancer at Daehyun’s club one ? ” He nodded. ” So you were with her the whole time ?

— Yes… She helps me…

— She helps you ? With what ?

— To get back each one of you…

— Oh… I see… so that’s what you were talking about. ” He nodded blushing and I put my arm around his shoulder, which was easier now we were sitting. ” I’m glad you want us back to you. I was afraid you didn’t want anything to do with us.

— NEVER ! I… I can’t live without you… I … I can’t live without him… ” bursting like this he had startled me.

" Do you… " I started and he turned his head toward me. " Are you in love with Yongguk-hyung ? " It was a simple question, right ? Yes or no. Only two answers possible but he didn’t. He blushed even more than what he was already, his whole face now was the same color as his ears. He pinched his lips and shook his head. " Okay, okay, I got it. " I chuckled. There weren’t anything to debate over that matter. It was as clear as water spring. " So… what was your plan ?

— To act on each one of you at a time, you were the first but … it failed. ” he chuckled and I did along with him.

" Ah… I’m sorry. Do you want me to leave so you can do as you pleased ?

— No, no. It’s okay, I like it better this way ! ” he shook his hands in between us while I was acting like standing up, trying to stop me but at the same time not trying to.

" Too bad … I wanted to see what you had planned for me. Then… who’s next ?

— I’m not really sure … I thought about Youngjae-hyung but…

— But ?

— Daehyun-hyung won’t let me approach him… like at his apartment…” he said and started to get lost in his thoughts.

" Give me your phone. " I shook my hand in front of his face, urging him to give it to me. He blinked at me and I sighed at him. “I know you have one… just give it to me, promise I won’t break it and I’ll give it back to you.” I said and he kept looking at me wondering what I wanted to do but yet complied to do what I asked him to. I typed down my number and registered it, I did the same with each one of us. " This would be easier like this. " I smiled giving him back his phone. " Nice phone. " I commented looking at it and he smiled holding his phone carefully like it was something that needed to be treasured.

" Thanks… Noona offered it to me. At my birthday.

— I wish I could have spent it with you too…

— I’m sorry Hyung…

— No… I am. If there’s anything else I can do…

— Thank you Hyung but… I want to do it myself… to reassure myself somehow. That they would come back for me and not to please you… you see ?

— Okay. I understand. ” I ruffled his hair and we smiled at each other before we hugged again, breaking it only because his phone biped and he looked at it. I couldn’t refrain from peeking at the ‘Hyosung-noona’ ‘s name. ” The beautiful girl you were with for the Christmas Day was Hyosung-noona ?

— Ah… yes. You heard about it …

— The whole school did ! ” I laughed, he really had no idea the trouble it had caused. Not only a student from MAMA was dating a girl way too much older for him but it was Junhong. Yongguk-hyung’s adopted little brother.

" How did he react ?

— Who ? ” I blinked and he rolled his eyes at me.

" You know who I’m talking about !

— Ah! Yes !! Ha Ha yes, I know who you’re talking about but I won’t tell you.

— Why ?

— You said you wanted each one of us back to you by your own strength. So you will find this by yourself.  

— … Hyung! ” he whined but the only thing he got from me then was a laugh and me messing with his hair.

I looked at him. I liked him a lot and I had as much respect toward Yongguk-hyung, I knew what the two felt toward each other but I wasn’t Cupid and I didn’t plan to act as him.


	37. Plan 2 get back Himchan-hyung

** HIMCHAN POINT OF VIEW **

" JONGUP-AH ! "

I burst after him but he didn’t even glance at me, nor did he show he had heard me. What was that? Was Junhong that important to him he would leave me? I glared to Yongguk and he looked back at me without saying anything.

"If my Jongup leaves me because of you I swear- " I started to threaten him but he cut me before I could tell him what was waiting for him.

"He will comeback." he said and started to walk off toward the school building while most of the students were leaving the school. Sometimes I couldn’t understand them. He had told Jongup to never come back and yet he was waiting for him to..was he hoping for Junhong to do the same? I should ask Jongup what he thought about this… But first I needed that brat to be back and under my control. I couldn’t let him run freely on streets like a wild animal. 

After we were done with our school duty, I walked home alone, even if the word ‘walk’ was a big word for what I truly did. One of my drivers would just come to pick me up at the school. Today I was alone and I waited for Jongup to come home. I had prepared the dinner and everything I needed for him. Finally he got home and I felt like a housewife waiting for his husband to come home drunk after he went clubbing, to scold him. I was standing at the entrance; my arms crossed over my chest I didn’t give him back his smile.

"Did you miss me?" he chuckled and leaning toward me he pecked my lips. I stayed silent and followed him into the kitchen where he sat at the table and started to dig into his dish, eating what I cooked for him. 

"How was your day honey?" he asked me his mouth full of food and again I remained silent, watching him eating. He stopped and stared at me for few seconds before he finally decided himself to ask.

"What?

— Nothing” I replied sighing annoyed before standing up from my chair and made my way to my room. I knew he would come after me so it’s with a slight smirk that I opened the doors leading toward my room, hearing him hurrying himself to finish what was left in his plate to join me faster. I sat on the couch and looked at him when he entered my room. He didn’t know how to act as he wasn’t realizing yet, how pissed off I was. I opened my legs slightly and caressed my thighs looking at him with lustful eyes. 

"Hmm… I don’t know what happened to you today but I like how it makes you right now." He commented closing the door behind him with his back and locked it.

"You don’t know?" I asked moving my hands a bit higher and I saw his lips parting slightly, probably he wanted to join already. He shook his head a smirk appearing on his face. "You really don’t? … Of course you don’t! You weren’t here today!!" I pouted and removed my hands from me to hit slightly the mattress on each side of me.

"Are you jealous of Junhong?" he approached me and caressed my cheek with his thumb while his fingers were slipping themselves over my jaw.

"So you found him…" he leaned toward me while his hand came on my nape and brushed his lips over mine, teasingly. Giving it a slight lick from time to time "And you spent your whole time with hi-mgn" he wasn’t even listening to me, because right at the moment he was busy shoving his tongue into my mouth. I let him do as he wanted, there were no way I could put a fight right now, I knew I wouldn’t win. His hands had been lowered to my shirt which he started to unbutton, then resting it on my shoulders; he pushed me backward leaning me on the mattress while he came over me, his knees digging into the soft mattress on each side of me. He always acted caring for me, protecting me, acting all the time like I was made of sugar but I wasn’t. I grabbed him by his shoulders and switched our position so he was now leaning on his back on the mattress while I was straddling him. I broke our kiss and I saw in his eyes he was wondering what was going on. He had always been on top and the one doing stuffs. He was about to complain but I put my fingers on his eyes closing it. 

"What-" after I had closed his eyes I put one finger on his lips shutting him.

"Shh… let me do. Let your eyes closed…" I said moving away from him standing from the bed. "Don’t move!" Even though he couldn’t see me I had move a hand to prevent him to.

"I won’t." he promised his eyes closed while a huge smile appeared on his face. I walked to my closet where I had put all the stuff I had prepared for him. Taking it out, I opened it turning back toward him and I took out the handcuff. Putting the box down on the mattress next to Jonguppie, I quickly enclosed the metal object around his wrists, making sure to pass the link around the header’s bars so he was tied to it. 

Probably because he felt the cold metal on his skin, he shot his eyes opened widely in surprise looking at me; he tried to pull on it. This way I also could ensure myself that he was well tied down and I smiled to him caressing his cheek.

"I have some surprises for you" I said patting the box next me. 

"Hmm… Somehow, I think I like it when you’re jealous," he chuckled, yet I could feel from him that he was being impatient to see what I had prepare for him. I took another pair of handcuff from the box and tied each one of his foot to the end of the bed, parting his legs the farther the bed allowed him to. Leaning forward once I was done, I kissed his feet looking up to him and he smirked to me, squirming slightly over the mattress.

Standing now by the side of the bed, I crawled on it and I straddled him, my legs on each part of his stomach, not sitting on him completely. I lied down over him and pecked his lips. He tried to kiss me but I moved my lips down to kiss his jaw line down. Reaching his nipples’ level I bit it through his shirt. 

"Ouch! What are you doing?!

— I want to try something new” moving back up, I teased him whispering in his ear. While doing so, I was seeking for another toy in my special box, my tongue playing with his earlobe to keep him busy so he wouldn’t see what I was doing aside. Finally grabbing what I had been searching for, I move it to his lips and pushed the ball part in his mouth before tying the gag behind his head. He muffled in protest and I chuckled looking at him so weak into my hold. I had a total control over him right now and that was what he needed to be reminded of. I was the one to decide what he could do or not. If I told him to not go after Junhong, he had to obey.

"Now you’ll be a good little boy and listen well to what I tell you." I half threatened him, caressing his chest down to his crotch, to which I leaned toward to and nuzzled it softly, my eyes locked on his face. He let out some complaints again, he squirmed slightly, the few the cuffs allowed him to and tried to buck his hips into my face. I smirked to him and sat up so he wouldn’t be able to do such a thing. He frowned to me but I kept smiling to him.

"You’re so selfish Jonguppie" I said this time caressing my own chest down, from my neck to my own growing crotch passing by my nipples that I didn’t forget to rub on the way.

"I felt so lonely today" I unzipped my pants and slipped my two hands inside, letting out a content breath when I felt my cold fingers being wrapped around my warm shaft. I heard Jonguppie whimpering, wanting my attention back to him, but even if I was ready to comply with his wish, I wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t. Not right now. He needed to learn his lesson first.

I glanced down at him before looking up straight in front me, gazing into space as I started to move my hand on me. I removed one hand and put it on the mattress, grabbing it to support myself. I felt the well known knot forming into the lower part of my stomach. Eh, what did you expect? I had waited the whole day for this, and now that I had Jongup’s eyes on me I couldn’t hold it any longer. I cummed groaning, my chin pressed in my own chest as I hold back my moans. Panting softly, I needed a few seconds before proceeding what just happened. I removed my hand from my pants and I had some of my sperm on my fingers, but my pants were sure full of my cum now… great. I glared to Jongup as it was his fault that this new underwear was out of use now. But what helped me to calm down was the view of Jongup’s own pants, threatening to rip off because of the pressure being exercised under it.

"It must hurt a lot" I said brushing the tip of my fingers over it, watching it slightly in awe. He shivered under my touches and small tears appeared at the corner of his eyes. Leaning my two hands on each side of his head, I leaned down to lick it off his face as it had fallen down to his ears. "But it’s not the end yet" I whispered into his ear and I kissed it before moving off the bed.

I stripped myself, removing my clothes slowly one by one. He glared at me, now he was upset but it was only one percent of what I had felt through the day. Once I was nude, I grabbed a chair and sat on it next to the bed. I sat in a way he would be able to witness everything.

Grabbing a bottle of lube from my special box, I put quite a large amount in my hands, not really knowing how much I would need. It was a new bottle that had never been opened; I emptied half of it over my hands. Maybe it was a bit too much… I shrugged moving my hands to my dick bringing it back to life and I moved it down to my hole, some lube falling on the chair and on the floor. I first poked my hole with my index, suddenly not that sure anymore about what I was about to do, but glancing up to Jongup, that was what decided me to. He looked so angry… I felt the urge to explain him.

"No one ever touched me here… not even myself…." I said and he huffed, pulling that strongly on the cuffs I was scared for a mere second he was about to manage to break it. He tried to prevent me to do it and my heart beat fast as I was still under the shock of how he had moved. I knew he wanted to be the first to touch me… but he needed to learn his place.

Closing my eyes, I slowly pushed my finger into me, whimpering a little at the feeling. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, it was just weird, slightly uncomfortable, but not unbearable. Pushing it deeper until it was completely inside me, I stayed still allowing myself a short break to get used to the feeling before removing it so I could plunge it back into me.

"Shit!" Contrary to earlier when I had went slower, this time it did hurt but I couldn’t stop here. Biting down on my lower lip, I forced my finger out and back in again, and I didn’t stopped. Not even when tears were dropping out of my eyes. I added another finger and a third one. It was now hard to move it in and out. I let my head fall backward as I kept self harming, because let’s call a cat, a cat. There were no pleasures in that kind of activity.

Finally I stopped, taking the punishment to the last step. I avoided Jongup’s eyes while I took out of my special box a five inches long didlo. Jongup screamed, thanks to the gag, it came out only as a muffled sound and I kept ignoring him. Of course I couldn’t completely, having him tied up to my bed was a big help in getting me excited.

I sat back on my chair, opened wide my legs and pressed the tip of the didlo against my entrance, even if I did take one of the smaller size, I felt like it was too big. Shooting my eyes opened, I locked my eyes with Jongup’s glare and pushed it at once in me. I screamed.

Thankfully there was no one at my house place today because even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t hold it back, nor the next one. Wanting to be done with it the fastest I could, I pound it in and out. I felt like it was tearing off my ring muscle’s skin. Yet, what I hadn’t expected was for my cries to be replaced with moans after a certain time and I brought my free hand to my rising cock. My vision got blurred, but I still could hear muffled sounds coming from my bed and that what made me cum once again. I wanted Jongup to know who was in command, but truth was that he was the one to do what he wanted with me.

Looking down to the mess I have done, I didn’t even have the courage to clean everything. I had just enough to remove the didlo from me and to let myself fall on the bed next to Jongup so I could snuggle at his side. “You abandoned me today and you really thought I would reward you for that?” I looked up to him and he was glaring at the ceiling, more tears falling over his cheeks. Moving a hand to wipe his tears, I caressed his chest, lulling more myself to sleep than to do it for him actually. “Did you learn your lesson Jonggupie?”

He finally looked down to me with his misty eyes. “Never let me left alone behind ever again…” I sighed softly and closed my eyes, resting my head on his chest, drawing circles over his chest. “Never leave me Jongup… I love you…” and I fall asleep almost right away.

When I woke up Jongup was already awake and I wondered why he was still in the same position he had been in when I had fallen asleep, before remembering that he was still tied up to the bed and gagged. “Good morning.” I said softly, my voice hoarse from sleep and kissed him on his gagged lips. “Today it’s my turn to meet Junhong while you’ll stay alone here.” I let him know as to reply his questioning look while I was standing up. It was hard and my ass still hurt, my legs were shaking but I tried to act as naturally as I could.

Looking for Jongup’s jacket I found it hanged on my chair, searching through it, I took out his phone from his pocket and looked for Junhong’s number. I wasn’t sure if he had a phone, but it was better to check, it would be so much easier than sending someone to get the blonde boy. I spent a few minutes staring at the ‘Junhong’ name in Jongup’s repertory. Effectively he had one… my heart beast slightly faster while I entered it in my own before sending him a message.

> ✉ To Junhong
> 
> → It’s Himchan. Let’s meet today.

While I waited for his reply, I started to dress up and my phone beeped almost instantly as I received an answer from him.

> ✉ From Junhong
> 
> → What time and where?

—

> ✉ To Junhong
> 
> → In one hour. At the coffee shop I go to every morning.

I turned back to Jongup and the look on his face was perfectly readable as  _are you really going to let me like this?_

"Yes. I’ll let you like this; your lesson isn’t over yet. I’ll make sure to tell him to not get near you anymore because Yongguk had told us to and I don’t want you to interfere." I warned him and left the room locking it behind me.

Finally, it was harder than what I thought it would be to walk the straighter I could, it asked a lot of concentration from me so I hadn’t noticed that he had been following me until his hand lied on my shoulder. I hadn’t went that easy on myself last night and I cursed at myself, but if I had to re-do it, I would do it the same, because I knew the more I had hurt myself, the more I did to Jongup.

"Channie" I really, really didn’t needed to meet him right now. Amongst all the people I didn’t want to see, he was always at the first place, but mostly in this kind of situation, I was really unlucky. "What are you doing?" he asked me smiling brightly to me, removing his hand from my shoulder as he was now walking by my side.

"Same as every morning, going to buy my Americano.

‒ Is that so? I’m going with you then.” he said putting his arm over my shoulders looking around and I knew there was no way for me to get rid of him.

When we were sitting in the coffee shop after I bought my coffee, he had sat next to me. Too close to my liking. “So how was your first time?” he whispered in my ear and it sent chills down my whole body.

"What are you talking about?" I asked feigning ignorance, in a corner of my mind wishing for Junhong to be here already so I could go back home soon.

”Do you think I’m stupid? I saw the way you walked… I can perfectly see you’re still hurt, so I guess the nice Jongup wasn’t that sweet with you last night.” I  remained silent playing nervously with my cup of coffee in front me, I couldn’t admit what have really happened, and doing so, I couldn’t deny what he was saying or he would ask for an explanation. When Yongnam wanted to know something, he always got to know it, by one way or another. The wiser way to go away with it was then to remain silent, not agreeing, neither contesting. “So that’s it? You like it rough? I knew it!” He burst grabbing me by my waist to pull me closer to him. “I always knew it since we were kid!

‒ Leave me alone.” I tried to go away from his grasp pushing him away but he was stronger than me, and I also could have try nothing, it would have been the same result. I hoped he would leave soon. No, I prayed inwardly for him to leave before Junhong would be here, I didn’t want him to see me in that kind of situation.

“Oh no, I won’t.” He moved his lips to my ear to whisper his poison to me. “Now you had your first time with your beloved Jonguppie, it’s my turn to have some fun. Remember that you’re my toy Channie…” his fingers were pressed into my ribs and it started to hurt.

“Stop it. There’s people here-

‒ We can go to a quieter place if you don’t like to be surrounded by strangers…” Oh no, certainly not. I wouldn’t follow him in that trap.

“Let me go you’re hurting me!” I muttered to him, not wanting to bring any attention to us but he wasn’t listening to me anymore as he had started to kiss and suck the skin of my neck, his left hand on my waist and his right hand had grabbed my two wrists preventing me to fight off. I couldn’t break from his grasp. I was completely at his mercy like a butterfly imprisoned in a spider’s web. He moved his hand holding my wrists to my pants and was about to open it with his nimble fingers when a stranger hit his fist against our table.

“Let him go!” the voice threatened him and we both looked up to the young boy standing at the other side of the table, facing us. Looking at him from nearer (and sitting), he did looked really tall which was quite impressive from this point of view. But no matter how tall he was, we both knew Yongnam was stronger. The two glared at each other, acting like I wasn’t here and I hated it, but according to the position I was in at the moment, I wasn’t sure I had my word to say right now…

Yongnam shrugged and stood up before leaving the shop. Junhong looked at him, not moving his eyes away from him, as if he was afraid Yongnam would do something once he would have his back facing him. Finally Junhong turned back toward me and grabbed Yongnam’s chair before sitting next me, yet a bit farther than what Yongnam had been.

We both stayed silent for a moment.

“Thank you.” I whispered not looking up at him, staring at the cup in front me which was still filled with coffee but was now cold.

"You saved me from Yongnam-hyung once, now it was my turn to save you from him… I’m sorry I was late I should have got there sooner…" I glanced to him and he looked remorseful, biting his lower lip this way. I felt glad enough he had make Yongnam leave, what was he even feeling remorse about? How was I supposed to tell him to not bring Jongup in whatever problem he had got himself to with Yongguk? How could I after he defended me this way? I gulped looking back at the cup in front me, such a waste. "What did you want to talk about?

‒ I … I wanted to tell you to stay away from Jongup until you got your problem with Yongguk solved…” I sighed.

He didn’t say anything but I noticed the way he grabbed his cup for me to not see his shaky hands. Too late, I had eyes everywhere and was aware of almost everything in its every tiny detail. His coming back may have disrupted us a bit, yet still was the scaredy cat he had been the first time we met him. Somehow, I felt relieved he hadn’t change that much, like this we still had a reason to like him as a part of him was still the one we had come to like. Not only had we still this advantage over him. An advantage we all thought we had lost when we saw him at the first meeting day. He did want to come back with us contrary to what he had tried to make us believe.

"But…?" I looked up and he was staring at me. In the end, him too now, he knew me too well.

"… but I guess it’s okay…

‒ Thank you.” I stood up, I had nothing more to tell him and my coffee was cold. But most of all I didn’t want to face his teary face. “Thank you Himchan-hyung! Thank you!” It’s only once I had reach the exit door that I glanced back to him and he was smiling to me, tears running down his face. I turned round and left the shop.

When I got home Jongup was still leaning on my bed, tied up like a good boy. 

I approached him and leaning forward, I rest a soft kiss on his forehead. “I’m home” I whispered sweetly caressing his hair looking at his pained face. He looked back at me breathing heavily through his nose. I knew he was probably curious about how it did go but I wasn’t about to tell him, and even less about my encounter with Yongnam. “Did you feel as lonely as I did yesterday, while I was away?” I asked removing his gag but he didn’t replied me as he was busy licking his dry lips. Sighing, I resolved myself to untie him, not at all ready to face him but I couldn’t let him like this, and the longer I would delay the moment the worst it would become.

Grabbing me by my arms, he switched our position, throwing me not so nicely on the mattress. He crawled in between my legs, forcing it to open by pushing it aside with his knees. With his hands he was pinning my shoulders down so I couldn’t move and at contrary of me, he didn’t need rope or cuffs to do so, he was way much stronger than me. “Finally I decided I don’t like it when you’re jealous.” he muttered, his voice hoarse probably from yesterday’s screams.

"I’ll never leave you." I said looking into his eyes, trying to soothe him. Somehow, I didn’t build that much hopes in that, but the least I could do was trying.

"Even if you wanted to, I would never let you leave me." He removed his clothes in a hurry, his dick pointing up proudly toward me. I glanced at it and quickly looked away, I didn’t want that, but I guess it was just the outcome of everything I had done…

"Jong–m" He may have got it wrong, or simply didn’t care, but I hadn’t opened my mouth for him to slide his tongue inside. From the rough kiss, I got the thing he was really upset at me and also from the way he removed my clothes after, I understood I wouldn’t be able to get away with what was waiting for me.

I freaked out when I felt him pressing the dry head of his cock in between my legs, I quickly grabbed his shoulders, and tried to push him away and hit him, anything that would make him stop. He couldn’t do that. Yet he did it. I released a scream followed by some sobs and the only thing he found to tell me was, “you’re so… so tight Hyung” He groaned and he didn’t even let me any time to adjust myself, he started pounding, hard, and fast. He forced two fingers past my lips, pushing down my tongue, muffling my cries. I bit his fingers but he didn’t remove it in so far, barely reacting to everything I tried.

Our first time was supposed to be sweet. Not that… hateful. Tears fall down my eyes and I closed it tight, I couldn’t handle to see him fucking me with a serious and pissed face like he had right now. Sometimes I really didn’t know what was going through his mind.

I tried to hold myself on his shoulders but soon I had no more strength, I let my arms fall on my sides and grabbed the sheets beneath me. Everything started to get blurred, his face, his hot breath against my face, his hips shocking against mine, the bed rocking, my cries. I couldn’t move anymore, I felt so tired and my brain didn’t want to process anything that was happening after that.

It’s only late in the night that I woke up; probably I did black out, what a failure. I wanted to show Jongup that I was tough enough, that I could totally handle it and yet … I had fainted. Of course I was upset after him, but even more after myself. “I love you Hyung.” I heard a whisper in my ear and I turned my head aside. Here he was, laying next me in my bed, a blanket covering both of our naked bodies. “I love you too Jonguppie…” I mumbled and he smiled to me, finally. “I’m sorry Hyung. I shouldn’t-” he started and I stopped him managing somehow to move a hand to his lips to shut him. “Hyung is sorry; it’s my fault for putting you in such a state…” I explained and he shook his head, moving his lips away from my fingers.

“I should be able to handle it. To not go crazy whenever it’s not going the way I want it to…

– It’s fine, I can handle it.” He raised an eyebrow at me, not believing me. “I swear you I’m not made of sugar; I can totally handle this shit!” I grumbled and laid on my side, turning my back to him. I heard him chuckling and he slipped an arm around my waist pulling me to him, pressing his chest against my back and his boner against my bare.

“You sure you can?” He asked in a teasing way and I gulped, letting me some time to think about it before giving my answer.

“… I’m tired.” This was my final reply; I closed my eyes and plunged my face into the pillow. I felt him resting a kiss on my shoulder. Of course I couldn’t sleep in such a position; it looked like he had the intention to stay the whole night with his problem down there. So I had all the time to think about what just happened. Now I took a look at it, it had been quite a while since none of us had done something bad or even that crazy and I wondered why it had suddenly stopped. Quickly I found the answer to my question, a name : Junhong.


	38. Plan 3 Get back Youngjae-hyung

** YOUNGJAE POINT OF VIEW **

«JONGUP-AH! »

I looked at Jongup running after Junhong and was about to follow him but a tight grip and pull on my arm prevented me to. I tried to get rid of Daehyun, moving my arm in every way but Daehyun didn’t loosen his grip at any moment, it didn’t even get weaker but only stronger by every second passing by. I was still quite in a shocked state. I had been waiting for Junhong for so long and now I wasn’t expecting him anymore, he had appeared out of the blue like this, without any warning. My heart hadn’t been ready.

Usually, we had to look over the first day meeting, to check on the students but I hadn’t been able to do anything beside staring at Junhong from the moment he stepped into the gymnasium until he left with his friends. I was being forced to remain where I was, which was next Daehyun as he didn’t allow me to move from for even an inch, it was like I could barely breath without making him freak out. I seriously didn’t see what was that wrong in me going to see Junhong, at least to greet him.

What had also refrained me to do so was the way he ignored us, I thought then that he didn’t want to have anything to do with us and it broke my heart. We did brought a lot of problems to him so I could only understand that he wanted to step out of any business with us. Like the girls had said, he had grown a lot, he was now same height as me but for me he would always remain my little dongsaeng. I had imagineed our meeting many times, so I was ready to react to anything that would happen, the only thing I hadn’t forecast was that I wouldn’t be able to. So I was content enough with the simple fact that he was alive, healthy and standing in the same room as I did.

Daehyun’s grip was too tight on my arm and I felt my hand starting to get numb. “Let me go.” I warned him, my jaw tight and air barely going through my closed teeth.

"No." He hissed back to me and dragged me away with him so we would go join Yongguk-hyung and Himchan to help them with their duty like every year.

The day after, I was sitting on the sofa in the basement when I received a message from Jongup telling me that he and Himchan wouldn’t come to school today. “They must have done it.” Daehyun commented and I looked at him, he had a smugly smile plastered over his face while he was reading a message on his phone, probably the same one I just received. 

I waited for another message from Jongup; I had hoped he would tell me how it went with Junhong. Did he find him? Did Junhong not want to talk with him? Had they fought?

"Stop over thinking." 

I snapped out of my reverie being brought back by Daehyun’s voice, realizing how near it was compared to a few seconds earlier. Turning my face to look at him, I understood what he had in mind, mostly after what he just commented about Jongup’s message, he was getting excited by himself. Maybe Jongup simply couldn’t come to school because he had fought with Junhong? But Daehyun was way too perverted to even think about something as simple as this.

"I can’t." I replied with the intention to get up, to move away from Daehyun but he had a whole different plan for me, for us. Before I could move further, he came to sit on my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck. "Get up you fatty!! You’re heavy!" I yelled at him but he chuckled and pecked my cheek before nuzzling me into the crook of my neck. 

"Ah Youngjae-yah, you’re so cute!"

Since the night we spent together after he kicked Junhong out of my apartment we never slept together again. He seemed to not mind but I couldn’t stay that close to him. I couldn’t help but to feel hurt any time I would think about our relationship. I did compare it to Yongguk-hyung and Junhong’s one. Daehyun could keep saying that it would pain him and make him sad if ever we came to be separated, yet if he had to, he would just leave me, exactly the same as Yongguk-hyung did. I hated it, to be the one the nearest to him for the moment, not knowing when he would get tired of me before throwing me away. That’s the reason why I had always wanted to learn to do things by myself, so I wouldn’t grow dependent of him. It didn’t please him, but it was my life, my choice.

The night he kicked Junhong out of my place, I hadn’t been on my right mind. I never lowered my guard when being around Daehyun. I couldn’t give him even a slight part of me, he would only want more and more until he eats me up completely, which I couldn’t afford. He wanted me so badly since the moment we met, and it scared me. Not that he wanted me, but that he would stop wanting me one day. I couldn’t let myself get used to have him going after me like this, I know he will stop feeling this way one day. If I ever let myself get comforted by the feeling he procured me, I know I wouldn’t be able to leave him ever, and if he did, it would kill me. The safer was, to not succumb.

That night I hadn’t been on my right mind. I had never let myself ramble before, always making sure to have some girl in between us. She was the wall between me and Daehyun, helping me to not fall for him. I became aware of my feelings for him the first night I surprised him screwing some girls at his father’s club. Back in time, I had been too young myself to ever have any sex experience, not even a hard-on before. Yet, it hadn’t shocked me like it was supposed to do, on the contrary, I hadn’t been able to tear my eyes off them. My pants becoming tighter but I hadn’t been watching the girl… The face Daehyun had had maked me wish to be at the girl’s place. After two years of spying him, I had grown tired of jerking myself alone in the bathroom. So one day, I had simply decided to enter his room and he didn’t seem surprised to see me. He just looked at me coming closer, unbuttoning my pants and ramming into the girl. She had seemed to be against this but she couldn’t really do something to stop us as I was ravaging her by behind and Daehyun fucking her mouth. She was there, but it had been like she hadn’t been, we kept staring into each other’s eyes as if we were having sex together, I had felt so happy with this simple thought. 

But since that night we spent together after Junhong left, he didn’t want to do any threesome with me. ”I want you” he had whispered in my ear. But what, after we did it? Would he stay by my side? I couldn’t imagine him going back to any girl after we would have done it. If we had sex together, I know I would want him all by myself. Sharing him with girls until there had helped me to get over my jealousy.

So I had simply looked at him and told him “You silly”.

And here we were again in those weird situations.  I needed to think fast of something to get him to leave me alone, but this was one of those rare time I hadn’t been fast enough, his lips were already on mine and he was begging for entrance or should I say, he was forcing himself into me. “Gosh!! Go somewhere else if you want to do it! You may like watch others doing it but it’s not everyone taste!” I heard Yongguk-hyung complaining from his chair place and felt Daehyun’s smile against my lips. He broke his kiss cupping my face with his hands preventing me to move my head.

"I just want a kiss and I won’t let go until I have it." he said both to me and Yongguk, looking at me playfully like challenging me to not give it to him. He resumed his kiss and rolling my eyes, I huffed before parting my lips for him. His tongue came in contact to mine and it was such a weird feeling. To have his tongue raping my mouth while Yongguk was busy with his screens as if it was completely normal.

"I told you to stop over thinking…" Daehyun said after he had enough or maybe to take back his breath.

"…and I answered you I couldn’t…"

It felt like a déjà vu… Junhong spent his whole day spying me the same way he had done when he had wanted to ask me questions about his bully, but this time I wanted to go see him, yet I couldn’t as Daehyun was always by my side to make sure I wouldn’t tempt anything. 

The only moment Daehyun wasn’t with me was when I went back home. By the past he did tried to follow me and to get into my apartment, but contrary to when he wanted to kiss me, I always managed to prevent him to get into my apartment. I never let him into my place after that night, too scared I would succumb. 

I knew he just wanted to protect me from his father’s gang’s enemies, but as I said earlier I want to be able to do it by myself. So most of the time I walked back home alone. One day, he sent his men to spy on me until I would be in my building, but I managed to get him to stop doing stuff like that. Instead, I had a number I could call if I ever had any problem. Because I had grown with his family, I had grown used to get death threats a lot, that’s why I instinctively plunged my hand in my pocket, grabbing my phone when I felt someone following me. Without turning around or speeding, I composed Daehyun’s house number…

When I reached my apartment, I entered it and was about to close my door when someone put his feet in, preventing me to close it. I pressed on the ‘call’ button and turned round, I at least wanted to see my killer’s face before dying. Then I saw Junhong standing outside my apartment, looking at me with a serious expression written over his face. I looked at him amazed, not believing what I was seeing, Daehyun’s voice tearing me away from my contemplation. “YOUNGJAE? WHAT HAPPENED?” I heard him screaming from my phone and I had quite hard time to put things in order, to remember the reason why I had called him and why he sounded so panicked. 

"Ah…hum…" I babbled, blinking at Junhong who was looking into my eyes intensely, as if he was trying to communicate through a mind link. "…nothing.” I managed to say and Junhong smiled to me, probably happy I hadn’t told Daehyun he was there.

"What? Why did you call this number and not my phone then? This number is only when something serious happens…

– I felt someone following me until my place… but it was just my neighbor ha ha ha

– … I’m sorry I made you like this Jae…

– It’s nothing. I will… I will shower and sleep already I’m tired…

– Okay… good night sleep well…

– You too … don’t go to bed too late.” and I hanged up. I had looked at Junhong the whole time I had been on the phone. He smiled widely to me and stepped into my apartment to hug me. That’s only at that moment I realized he was way taller than what I thought. I remained still not knowing what to do or how to react, still too stunned to have my brain working.

He let me go and removed his shoes. “I’m home! What are we going to eat tonight?” He walked to my kitchen and I followed him, he opened my fridge and stared at it a few moments. I wondered what he was looking at because it was completely empty. It had been since he had left, since that moment, I hadn’t felt the strength to go buy food nor to cook for myself. After that night and that Daehyun had left, I had gone to my kitchen and sat at my table, waiting for Junhong to come back. My phone had rang many times but I never answered knowing Junhong didn’t have phone so there were no reason for me to pick up. Two days after, I had heard someone tapping on my door and had run to open thinking it was him, “Junhong!” I had burst opening my door and met an angry Daehyun. We quarreled a lot as the other members about this matter. 

"Hm what about we order some pizza? It’s been so long time since we ate one!" he said happily after a moment, he was a smart a kid and may have guessed why my fridge was empty. He moved to my apartment’s phone and dialed the restaurant’s number, still me following him not saying a word. Once he ordered the pizza we used to eat, he went to my sofa and sat on it. I kept watching him, wondering if I wasn’t daydreaming. I must be really tired. He turned on the TV and asked me, "how was your day Hyung?" 

But I wasn’t going to converse with a hallucination. Oh no! I made my way to my bathroom and locked myself in it. What was I doing? Was I afraid of a hallucination? Staring at the handle, I decided to unlock it. I heard my doorbell when I was in the shower. “I’ll open Hyung!” the hallucination informed me and I rolled my eyes, muttering some things about the pizza delivery man to be a hallucination too. When I finished and stepped out the bathroom in pajama, the hallucination was still watching the TV. 

"Youngjae-hyung you were too long the pizza is cold now…

– Are you real?” I finally decided to ask, after all, if it was a hallucination, at least there were no one around to witness me talking to it. He stood up from the sofa and came near me, he pinched my cheeks and it hurt a bit. I first slapped his hands away but then I gasped and hugged him. ”I thought you were a hallucination!” He chuckled and hugged me back. “I missed you so much!

– I missed you too hyung!” We ate our pizza watching and commenting what was on TV. He told me how it went with Jongup and Himchan. We talked about many things avoiding our respective lovers. We always knew Junhong had feelings for Yongguk-hyung but no one ever said a thing not wanting to pressure both of them over this. Yongguk-hyung was quite difficult and a dick on foot. Back in time, Junhong wouldn’t have been able to handle Yongguk-hyung or he would have been broken by him. But now he seemed way more mature, not as fragile as he looked in the past. 

We leaned together in my bed, the same way we did when I had narrated him my first encounter with Daehyun. I don’t know why, but I suddenly felt so tired, it was like a big weight had been removed from my shoulders and I felt so good. I felt free and light hearted, happiness surrounding me, I was the first to leave for dreamland.

When I woke up the day after, I was alone and naked in my bed. I wondered when I had removed my clothes but hadn’t any memory of it. I stood up and looked for Junhong through my apartment but no sign of him. He had left before I woke up… which made me wonder if he ever came here in first place. I was really driving myself crazy. My brain had made me relived a day I had spent with Junhong, inventing some parts as for Jongup and Himchan story. If Jongup had met Junhong he would have told me. 

I suddenly felt really sad and depressed, that dream had been so nice, I wanted to go back to sleep, but I remembered how much Daehyun had freaked out the last time I missed a day of school. Last thing I wanted was to see him burst into my apartment, so I prepared myself and left for school without eating anything.

"Did you sleep well?" Daehyun asked me as every morning, his arms slipping itself around my waist. 

"I don’t know. I had a weird dream.

– Did you dream of me?” he asked me, a smirk appearing on his face, but it quickly disappeared once I started to explain him what my weird dream had been about.

"I dreamt the neighbor following me yesterday was Junhong and that he spent the night at my place, but when I woke up this morning, he had left without saying a word… " his smirk disappeared as I pronounced Junhong’s name and he frowned.

"Did you eat yesterday?

– My hallucination ordered a pizza.”

He sighed and hugged me tighter, weird enough, I let him do. We were on the sofa in the basement and again we heard Yongguk-hyung growling. I rolled my eyes at him, ready to snap that we weren’t about to do anything on the sofa, but stopped when I looked at him.

He wasn’t looking at us, but watching his screens, looking better at it, I saw Junhong in the first floor’s toilet, standing in the middle, staring directly at the camera as if he was looking at us. He stayed like this a moment and he took out a phone from his pocket.  Since when did he have a phone? If I had known he had one, I would have searched for his number. I’m sure I would have been able to find it, that wasn’t that complicated and easier than to run through the city every day looking for him, while we had no idea where he could have been.

I felt Daehyun’s pocket vibrating and he took out his phone. He made a weird face reading the message he had received. By his look I knew he didn’t like what he was reading and I didn’t want to be the poor person who had sent him this. This face was recognizable amongst many expressions he had, this one meant he was in his mind to kill, and no one could stop him… even me. 

He burst out the basement and I felt my own phone vibrate on the couch. I opened the message I had just received from an unknown number.  

> From 06x-xxxx-2245
> 
> Hyung, I’m sorry I used you. Don’t be mad at me. It was the only way to get Daehyun-hyung back to me.

I opened my eyes widely, slowly putting together all the pieces of the puzzle. It was from Junhong! I looked at the screens and I saw him put his phone back in his pocket and sat on the floor…

Then I understood what was going on, even if I didn’t really know what he had meant by using me, I knew he was in danger now, “Hyung! We have to do something!” Yongguk-hyung turned an emotionless face to me, his gaze speaking at his place, wondering what was suddenly wrong with me. “Junhong is in danger!

– If you think you can stop Daehyun then go. I don’t want to die, not by Daehyun’s hands, even less for a kid.” I huffed at him but didn’t have the time to argue with him, I rushed out hoping I wouldn’t arrive too late.  When I finally reached the toilet I heard a gunshot and I froze. No… This couldn’t happen! Not now that Junhong was back in our life… I realized too late it was my entire fault. I tried to open the door but it was locked from inside. Thumping against the door, I screamed at Daehyun to get out, to let Junhong go. But I got cut mid-sentence by another gunshot, and another one, until he emptied his seven shots gun. I collapsed on my knees, my hands flat against the door, crying for Junhong.  It was my fault. 

> I wanted to take him in my arms and keep him for me.
> 
> But I couldn’t do this. He would just suffer more if he stayed with me…


	39. Plan 4 get back Daehyun-hyung

** DAEHYUN POINT OF VIEW **

I was sitting on the couch with Youngjae when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. Sighing, I took it out wondering who dared bothering me when I had some nice time with my best friend. It was an unknown number, and then next question I wondered before opening the message was, who was the fool who gave away my number. It was impossible for me to get a message from an unknown number. First because I didn’t allow anyone to get my number, and second, because that one must have some guts to send me a message, even if it was sent to a wrong number. I opened it and I felt like I was suddenly surrounded by darkness. There was only me and my phone, a picture of a naked Youngjae on the screen lightening to my face. But he wasn’t alone, Junhong was laying next him, Youngjae sleeping and snuggling against the blonde boy who was nude too. Junhong was staring at the screen, as if he was staring at me, challenging me…

As if I teleported, in not even a blink of an eye, I launched in front the door of the restroom in which Junhong was waiting for me. The same Yongguk-hyung and Youngjae did, I had seen him staring at the camera. He had planned all this. I wasn’t in a state to wonder about the reason behind. It was only the fact; he had touched what was mine. I didn’t mind sharing, everything was fine. The exception to this rule was my Youngjae, at least not sharing him in this way. I pushed the door open and stepped into the restroom, closing and locking the door behind me, aware that Youngjae wouldn’t take too long to follow me, and I didn’t want anyone to stop me from doing all the things I wanted to do to Junhong right now. He was smirking at me, which pissed me off even more, the first question I asked was “did you drug him?

– What makes you think I did?

– He didn’t remember anything that happened last night, and he thought you were a hallucination.”

He chuckled which gave me the urge to beat him so badly more than what I wanted first, but decided to wait to listen to what he had to say for his defense. With such a cute face, he couldn’t be so evil, “maybe he lied to you.

– What do you mean? Why would he even lie to me?

– I don’t know, maybe he just didn’t want you to know-

– Is there even a thing on Earth he could hide from me?” I asked threatening and challenging him to say what he wanted to, making him well understand that if he said it, he wouldn’t be allowed to complain in a near future of the consequences of his words.

“I had enough to hide myself… to hide ourselves-

– WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING? ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME MAD?!

– Because you aren’t right now?

– You don’t want to know what it would give to have me mad while being in the same room as you…

– I wonder how it will be when you’ll know the truth, when you’ll know the true reason behind Youngjae-hyung’s sadness-” I didn’t even let him finish his sentence, my fist already collided with the side of his face, making him take a few steps backward before tripping over his own feet and falling on the ground. “…he was sad because we’re lovers-” he chuckled wiping the corner of his lips with the back of his hand, but I made this useless as I punched him again, on the other side of his face now. “He’s just too kind to tell you-” he chuckled but I made him stop by hitting him again, taking a step nearer to straddle him, if he didn’t intend to shut up right, I would make him by force. “..hurgh… he doesn’t want to break your heart-”

That was the last sentence I would allow him to say with that smirk, I hit him again and again, repeating the same movement, alternating between my right and left fist. He didn’t even tried to protect himself beside rising his arms in front his face, nor even to fight back. I had the feeling to fight against wind, and stopped once I could think clearer again. I was panting when I was done and moved a bit away, laying my back against the wall, I looked at him on the ground, rising difficultly his hand to his mouth to wipe some blood once again. “He knew you would react like this.

– You asked for this… now stop talking nonsense. I perfectly know Youngjae would never have sex with you, and you know that I don’t believe it… so what was the purpose?

– You…” he said sitting up and I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Me?

– For you to come here.” I sighed, shaking my head. “Otherwise you would have never wanted to meet me…” he explained and all the pieces of the puzzle suddenly got together.

“So you met Jongup, then Himchan and Youngjae… and now you’re trying to bring me to your side too? To betray Yongguk-hyung?

– No. I know you would never betray him, and Himchan-hyung hadn’t either.

– So?

– I want you to let me see Youngjae-hyung and to not interfere between Yongguk-hyung and I, when I’ll go see him.

– What?

– I can’t get Yongguk-hyung back to me if you’re on my way.

– And what makes you think I would accept your deal?

– I slept with Youngjae-hyung once. We hadn’t sex that night, but as you see we were both nude. He hadn’t woke up, nor even opened an eye when I removed his clothes… it wouldn’t be too hard for me to” he stopped there as I had take out my gun, and pointed it toward his face. He closed his eyes for a mere seconds before opening it anew, staring at me directly into my eyes. “And you said he didn’t remember anything. That’s fine, he trusts me and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, so if he doesn’t remember anything everything would be fine as no one would have to tell him the truth.”

I didn’t even take the pain to answer what he was saying. Even if I didn’t believe a single word of what he was saying, he was threatening Youngjae, and that was something I couldn’t forgive. I had never let anyone beside me to play with Youngjae, and Junhong wouldn’t be the first. To this, there was only one solution, there was always only one way to get rid of problems. The only way I knew, the only one my father taught me. I pulled on the trigger and shoot at his face. Junhong had been staring at me, not moving from an inch, looking straight into my eyes and not blinking, even once.

We could hear the loud shot of my gun, but nothing came out. Junhong was still looking at me with the same serious look he had worn, as if he knew. We heard Youngjae banging at the door and we both turned our face at it, to look toward the source of the sound. Junhong was about to say something and I didn’t want him to, so I shot again, and again. I emptied all my blank bullets, and another bang was heard against the door. I could perfectly depict Youngjae falling against the door, crying. Again.

I looked back at Junhong, I had never seen someone reacting the way he did. Either he was incredibly courageous, either he knew my gun was empty and he wasn’t risking anything.

“You knew…

– Yes … I asked your father to take out all the bullets from your gun this morning…

– So you were the reason why my father did such a thing… It was too light when I wore it going to school … that’s why I put back bullets in when I reached the school.

– … you … refilled it? You would have killed me … for real?!

– Someone else might have changed my bullets once again. It was still lighter than usual but I thought it was because I had just worn it empty moments ago…

– Someone … else? Who?

– … Yongguk-hyung! Who else?” He looked at me amazed, as if he wasn’t believing Yongguk-hyung would have done that, but knowing him, he was truly capable… “Did he want to save you or did he not want a murder to happen in his beloved school? … that’s what I don’t know.

– You know… even if Youngjae-hyung would never remember it, I would never do anything to him, even to take revenge.

– I know…” I said sitting next him, letting myself fall down my back against the wall.

“You knew?! But you would still have shot at me…” It was funny the way he said it, the whole time he had stayed so calm and he still was. I wondered if he truly realized what might have happened if Yongguk-hyung hadn’t replace my bullets.

“When it’s about Jae… I just can’t think straight anymore. Aren’t you afraid to die?

– I am… like everybody I guess. But I can’t live without Yongguk-hyung. If I couldn’t convince you then I wouldn’t be able to get him back, so it would have been a good way to die, in my opinion.

– Convincing me won’t get you Yongguk-hyung back automatically.

– I know.” He replied with a soft smile, as if it made him reminisce about a good point of Hyung.

“Why are you smiling now?

– Because I’m happy.

– Why are you happy?

– Because I’m talking with you Hyung. I’ve waited for this moment for a long time.” He turned his innocent smile to me and shot it at my face. This kid! I looked away as I felt my cheeks burning slightly, I coughed a bit, hoping it would be enough to distract his attention to something else than my reddish cheeks.

“So… what are you planning to do now?

–…

– You think I would interfere in your plan now?

–…

– Youngjae will already kill me for what just happened. I won’t do anything…” I sighed and he chuckled nodding.

“You promise?” he asked holding up his little finger and I locked mine with his.

“I promise. The most important is Yongguk-hyung’s well being, and he needs you back to get better.

– He needs me?

– The same way I need Jae. It’s for his own good, so you can be sure I won’t interfere.” He smiled and this time I couldn’t help but to smile back to him. His smile was so pure and innocent; it was the definition of pure happiness in itself. Junhong was pure.

“Tell me something.

– Anything.

– Were you the one following Youngjae to his apartment yesterday?

– Yes.

– Where you there when I was on the phone with him?

– … yes.” I sighed, realizing I was the one hurting Youngjae, and if I didn’t do anything soon I would lose him. Junhong put his hand on my shoulder and I blinked at him. “Don’t judge him, Hyung.

– I would never.

– What are you thinking of then?

– How to make Youngjae happy… he’s avoiding me since you left.

– Since you kicked me out!” he pouted and pushed his pouting face away from me, I had already witnessed enough of cute things for the rest of the year. We friendly fought a moment before I spoke again.

“He never let me into his apartment ever since.

– Don’t worry too much Hyung. He needs you as much as I need Yongguk-hyung.”

I looked at him and this time he was looking at me with a serious look on his face. Sure, he was no more the Junhong we knew, he had grown a lot. They were all babbling about the fact he had grown up in height a lot, but it wasn’t only that. He had matured a lot too, and right now, I felt like he was even wiser than any of us. How could he have matured in a so short time? The answer wasn’t that hard to guess, people who suffered a lot always grew up faster…

I ruffled his hair before standing up, I walked to the door but before I would unlock the door and face a crying Youngjae, I had something to warn Junhong about. I turned toward him, “even if it’s for a joke… never talk about Youngjae in this way … never again.” I glared to him and he gulped nodding. “Welcome back Junhong-ah.” I smiled to him, unlocked the door and left.

Once I stepped out, I met a mess. Youngjae was on his knees on the floor, he raised his face to me and he had reddened eyes while his nose was dripping. Awful.

“What have you done?” he said with a broken voice, hanging himself on my arm. As if, if what he thought had really happened that it would change anything. But I didn’t reply to him, instead I took out my phone from my pocket and his picture was still on, I showed it to him and his face turned a completely red to fit with his eyes.

“It… it’s not what you think…”

I remained silent and unlocked him from me; I made my way to the basement not turning back. Youngjae was following me trying to explain me something I already knew, but it felt too good to have him go after me for once, so I kept on saying nothing. ‘He needs you as much as I need Yongguk-hyung’ I thought back to what Junhong had just told me. His words had warmed up my cold heart and brought back the confidence I had been lacking lately. Now, I was determinate to make Youngjae mine and to make him accept it. He couldn’t go to anyone else. He was mine and he needed to understand that simple fact, and to understand it soon.


	40. Plan 5 get back Yongguk-hyung part I

**YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW**

Once Zelo left, I let myself fall angrily on the couch next my brother. It was just a question of time for me to calm down. I wasn’t angry at Zelo, but at myself. How many times did I promise him I would protect him no matter what? Little did I know that I was the one making him suffer? Without knowing it, I had been both the carrot and the whip, how funny …

Turning my head to my brother, I noticed he was looking at me with his well-known bored face. I looked back at him with the same face which was something quite easy to do for me…

“You knew about his mother?” I asked and he simply nodded, making me sigh and roll my eyes in exasperation, “why hadn’t you told me?

– I thought you knew too. That it was a way to make her suffer…

– Of course not! Since when did you know?” I burst at him, he was as smart as I was, but sometimes he could be really slow.

“Since the first time we met? Isn’t it something normal than to look at people’s plaques when you see them for the first time at school?” I shook my head at his question. I had been way too absorbed into the short blonde boy to do as simple as looking at his plaque to get to know his name. I should have… it would have prevented both of us from a lot of suffering. At least for me, because if I did know he was  **her**  son, his years in this school would have been worst. I sighed ruffling my hair and after a moment of silence I looked back at my brother with a bored face.

“Why are you still here?

– I had big news to tell everybody but you messed it all! Like always…” he muttered the last part and I hit his shoulder. I crossed my arms over my chest and another silence settled before I broke it again.

“What was it?” he stayed silent and I nudged him, urging him to answer fast before it would become worse than a simple nudge. “Argh! I found an apartment but now it’s has been.

– Why that?

– Because I don’t need it anymore.

– Why? You’re leaving again?

– … no …

– Why?

– You just told your kitty to go away.

– …and the how is that related to you?

– I looked for an apartment for him to be able to live with you. Now that he’s not coming to your place, I don’t need to move out anymore.

– You have to.

– Gukkie~” he whined, but just as I did with the director, I didn’t give in any sort of aegyo, to anyone.

“No.

– Come on!

– I’m saving the place for him.

– He won’t ever come back.

– He will.

– Not after what you just told him.

– I told him to go away, not to ever come back.

– You seem pretty sure of yourself.

– I know he will come back to me.

– Okay, let’s make a bet-

– Don’t!” I burst, poking his chest forcefully with my finger, “you dare make a bet on Junhong!

– Not on him … but on you.

– What?

– If you’re that sure he’ll come back to you then you have nothing to worry about, right?” I huffed, yet still nodding agreeing. “We’ll see how much of a good little puppy he is…

– What’s your proposition?

– You won’t have sex with anyone, neither girls nor boys, until he comes back.

– What’s the common point with sex and Junhong seriously?

– In a bet, you have to bet on something which would be a challenge, or it wouldn’t be called a bet.

– … I said he will come back … not when…

– If you lose your bet, I’ll stay at your place!” he smirked knowing perfectly which solution I would prefer.

“Fine, no girls, no boys…

– Don’t try anything.

– What do you mean?

– He needs to come back by his own strength, everything has to come from him and you better do nothing.

– You-

– Don’t tell the others about our bet.

– Yah!” the more I let him talk, the more difficulties he was adding to a bet that had to be a simple joke at the start. He was really turning it into a life challenge.

“Tell them they can’t go to Junhong.

– Are you fucking serious?! You can’t deprive Junhong of his hyungs. It had to be something coming or not coming from me and only me.

– Gukkie, they’re part of you, so of course they’re being counted in the bet.

– You still call that a bet… that’s stupid. I won’t do it.

– Don’t you want to know if he’s as loyal as the others? You weren’t that pitiful for them in the past…

– Junhong isn’t like any of us, and there’s other way to know about how loyal he can be.

– Yeah… you can, like… fight with him?” he said seriously and I raised an eyebrow at him. “Seriously… I’m talking to you about true love Gukkie. Do you know what it is?

– Because  **you**  do?

– True love can go over everything. You’ll know if he loves you as much as you love him then.

– I don’t love him the way you may think.

– Says the one who didn’t even look at the boy’s plaque the first time he met him…. That was love at first sight Guk, I know exactly the way you love him as if you were my twin brother.” I rolled my eyes at him and looked elsewhere, dialog was impossible when he was like this. If he had something in mind, it was better to leave him alone until he forgot about it. “If you don’t, I can love him. I look exactly like you; he might come to like me after a short time.”

I grabbed my phone and sent a text to the others to warn them about Zelo, sometimes, it was better to go in Nam’s way or it would go much worse than what it would be this way.

“This is going to be interesting.” He smirked evilly to me, leaning back on the couch.

Compared to him, I was a pure angel.

—

Summer holidays had always been boring, but somehow, this year was worse than every other year I could have had in my short life. The positive point was that I could finally rest in my own apartment without Nam boring me, but soon I found myself turning in circles and never really doing anything. Yet, it gave me a lot of time to think calmly and wisely about Junhong’s case while I was waiting for him to come back. So… I wanted to protect him, which was the main reason as why I took him under my wing. Until there, there were no problems. I had raped his mother and made his house a living hell… this. I think this was really the problem I had to think about. It’s not like it had really anything to do with Junhong beside he had been suffering because of me, the problem was only me. How my actions toward a same person could be that opposed? How on earth could that be possible?

My fist collided with my door, breaking it, which will force me to buy a new one … or maybe not. Letting it like this would remind me how bad I was each time I would pass by it, and as it was the living room’s one I would be reminded quite often. I glanced down at my hand in blood and I was still staring at it wondering if I should put something over it when my phone buzzed.

                ✉From Chan

                What are you doing today? Let’s hang out!

I didn’t reply right away, and took the time to wash the blood off my hand and bandaged it the best I could, I was right-handed and it showed to be quite difficult to bandage this hand with my left one. Thinking about Chan’s offer, maybe it would help me to free my mind. Once I was done, I grabbed my phone to reply him but before I could I received another message from him:

                ✉From Chan

                Let’s meet at the theater in one hour, don’t bring Nam. Do whatever you want but I don’t want him to come.

Was I that easy to read, even from miles away? I starred at my phone; finally I decided it was no use for me to reply. I locked my phone and prepared myself to leave. I always knew Himchan had feelings for Nam, and so did my twin. He had enjoyed it a lot, even though I never liked the way my brother treated our best friend, I had never been able to refuse anything from him. Making my way to the theater, I wondered if the others felt the same way toward me? I would never dare to ask them, and in the end, there were no use to ask, because Nam was my twin, so I already knew the answer to my question.

“What happened to your hand?

– Nothing, just a few DIY*…

– Hmm… I won’t come to your place to clean your mess, Bang.

– I never asked you to.

– But if I don’t, no one will!

– And so what? It’s not like you were living at my place so it shouldn’t bother you.

– Well, it does bother me. I’ll come tomorrow…” he mumbled and I looked at his back helplessly as I was following him, we joined the others who were waiting for us. As we got closer, I could hear that Youngjae and Daehyun were arguing, again. Jongup was in between the two trying to calm them down, but mostly trying to make them argue less loud because he knew he would never be able to make them stop, so the least he could do was to make them attract less attention. They stopped arguing for a short time as we were now nearby with Himchan. Youngjae asked me the same question Himchan did a moment ago and I replied the same, after that they resumed their quarrel while we were debating what movie to go watch.

“I’m going home!” Daehyun finally burst when we ended by opting for a horror movie.

“Yeah! Fine! Go home! We don’t need you!” Youngjae screamed at Daehyun’s back who was already far, but probably not enough for him to not hear.

“What were you arguing about this time?” I asked Youngjae once he calmed down, but he said nothing, he completely ignored me. Without even looking at me, he turned around and made his way toward the theater’s entrance.

“The same thing as always,” Jongup glared to me passing by me and followed Youngjae. I looked at them both and sighed sadly. I would have never guessed it could have been that difficult for them. I hoped Junhong would be fast to come back, if not for me, at least for them. In a so short lapse of time, they had grown that attached to the boy, maybe not more than I did, but a lot. That’s also when I realized to what extent he had changed all of us. He had done nothing, but because we had such a young and innocent boy by our side, we had started to change in a good way. Maybe if he came back to us, we would become better. If Junhong came back to me, maybe I would become a good man. By the time we reached our seats, each of our phones rang at the same time and even before checking we knew it was a message from Daehyun.

                ✉From Dae

                I’m talking with my father, he saw Junhong at the hospital…

In less time that it was needed to be said, we were out of the theater. On our way, many things passed by my mind. What could have happened to him? Even if he had tried to hide it to me, I knew Daehyun had lent him an apartment, deserted maybe, but at least he had a place to stay over while he would think about my proposition. Apparently he didn’t want to go home with his parents, but I wanted him to be sure about that. Leaving him time to think about it, that was the best solution. Yet, I wasn’t at ease knowing he was alone in such a place, that’s the reason why I had asked some of my people to watch over Junhong. Every day, they gave me news about my blonde little boy. While walking, I had just to follow Chan in front me, I was starring at my phone, more precisely at the last message I had received about Junhong, the one before Daehyun’s one:

                ✉From 06x-xxxx-7854

                The boy is fine, looks like he still doesn’t want to move from his place.

I had received the message this morning. What could have happened in such a short time that would make him end at the hospital? But mostly, why hadn’t my men called me before Daehyun did? I frowned at my phone and put it back in my pocket, I would take care of this matter later. For now, I wanted to know what kind of trouble Zelo had shoved himself in again. I was so upset. Not after Junhong, but after my men because they hadn’t warned me, and mostly after myself cause I should have been doing that work myself. Keeping an eye on Junhong wasn’t on the list Nam had prohibited me to do. “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?” I exploded bursting into Daejung’s office.

While Daejung explained what happened to us, I could barely process the whole thing. “The fool…” what had gone through his mind to do such a stupid thing? And what, he’d been at the hospital since a month? During that time my men told me Junhong was fine… my hands turned into fists in my pockets and I went tight-lipped, Nam’s voice echoing in my head forcing me to do nothing for Junhong. “I will pay for him” I said out of the blue when Daejung said he wanted his money back. He wanted it, then I would give it to him. Nam warned me to do nothing to get Junhong back, but he wasn’t in this room at this moment so he would never know that I would be the one paying for him. The more I spoke with Daejung, the more I understood he had lied to us, Junhong hadn’t run away but whatever he had on his mind now, I had to let him do. I knew he would take a good care of Junhong. I saw it in his eyes; he was as caring for the boy, more than we all were. Leaving his place, the others wanted to speak about what just happened with Junhong, they wanted to go to the hospital but I told them I didn’t care about it and I went to my father’s home. Seeing Daehyun’s reaction earlier, I wondered if they had noticed that if he was really looking after Junhong to get his money back, Daejung had way faster ways to find him back than asking us. He was taking care of Junhong and I could leave him in his hands for the moment.

Once I reached my father’s place, I summoned my people, the ones who were supposed to look over Junhong. I was half sitting on my father’s desk while they were on their knees in front me, crying as they were explaining me what truly happened: they did see Junhong sitting at his window, but by the time they reached the room he had been living in, the blonde boy had jumped. They had been the ones to call the emergency and to look over him until the assistance arrived. They were scared to tell me what happened, that’s why they decided to keep me updated about his state, without telling me he was in the coma as they went to visit him secretly every day. They thought they could wait until the boy wake up and act like nothing ever happened, thinking I would never come to know about the whole case. What a bunch of fools. It made me realize, that beside my band mates and my brother, I really could trust no one. I may be harsh at my friends sometimes, but even then, they stayed loyal to me even when it was killing them like with Junhong’s case. They were the only ones I could trust.

“Please, don’t fire us… please young master, we all have a family to feed…” I looked at them disgusted, even though a young boy had almost died because they had been unable to follow simple orders, they kept worrying and pitying themselves about their shitty lives.

“Don’t worry…” I smiled to them, and they looked up at me with hope, “I will do something worse than firing you. I don’t give a shit about your fucking lives, you all got one minute to leave this room, you fucking bastards.” I threatened standing up and walking around my father’s desk. They stayed kneeling on the floor not believing what I just said, but I hadn’t the strength to explain it to them. Grabbing the gun in my father’s drawer, “time’s up” I warned and pointing the gun toward them. I shot one woman at her thigh and the man next her into his shoulders, and so for the others, never touching a vital organ; after all, Junhong was still alive so I decided to not kill them.

—

Back to school, there were still no sign of Junhong; he hadn’t come back after this summer holiday. I should have known it; he may need a bit more time before coming back. I just hoped he wouldn’t put that long. He did go through a lot for the short time that this summer holiday was, so of course he wouldn’t come back this soon. I stood up from my chair, time for me to make my security round. Compared to before, I took more time to prepare myself before my wander in the school. I tried to convince myself I wasn’t, but I had to confess, I did waited the same amount of time Zelo spent to gather his stuff and join me at the basement. After I was down checking that the school was empty, I was never excited to go home, so I went to sit back on my chair and I looked at the screens in front me, recording the empty corridors of the school. They were as empty as I was, if not less. Playing with the cutter, it fell, cutting my finger in its fall. I stared at the cut in my skin, blood wasn’t coming out, and it slightly sting, just enough to remind me of the cut whenever I would forget it. Not really thinking further about what I was doing, I bent forward and grabbed back the cutter. I moved it toward my arm, slowly, but surely, I cut my arm open. Not on a vital point, just on the side. I thought about all the suffering Junhong had went through, so whenever my arm would sting, I would think back about Junhong’s misery. The same way he must certainly not be able to forget it right now, wherever he was, I wouldn’t either. Somehow, I wanted to believe, it would connect us.

First, I had to be strong in front my band mates because of the bet I had with Nam, but soon, it became something much more complicated than a simple bet. I had to be strong for them, acting like I didn’t miss this short blonde boy I had come to consider like my little brother. The only thing that allowed me to stay strong like this was the thought of him coming back to me. Ho, the happiness it will be when we’ll be gathered once again. I needed him, and I needed my band mates as much I as I needed my brother. I couldn’t permit myself to lose either one of them. I knew I was selfish, but I needed my band mates by my sides, I needed them to stay with me even if Junhong might need them more than I did actually, I needed to have them here so I knew I could trust them. They were the only thing I had and cared about in this world, them, and now I had Zelo.

—

A few days after I went back to Daejung’s office to give him the money I had promised to cover Junhong’s hospital fees. I perfectly knew Daejung wouldn’t let him pay back, as each one of us did; he had fallen for the blonde boy. Yet, that didn’t mean I would let my boy have some debt with the mafia, even if Daejung’s gang was on our side. I had this one principle that it was better to never have any debt, especially towards mafia; all friends that they were. When I was about to leave the club, I passed by the girls’ change room and I could hear them speaking loudly from where I was. Recognizing especially this Hyosung, that wasn’t for nothing she had been dubbed ‘the screamer’. She may be Daehyun’s and Daejung’s favorite; it wasn’t everyone’s taste to have such a loud girl in bed. But what caught my attention wasn’t that, it was the subject they were speaking about, especially when a certain name had been said. “He’s so cute, he calls me noona all the time!” She said and I stayed out of the rest room, I may have dreamed. I was missing having news from the boy every day and I wanted to hear so much about him, I could have mistaken the name with another one. So I stayed a little more to make sure it had been a mistake. They couldn’t have been speaking about Junhong.

“What do you want him to call you? Eonni?” another girl laughed and a friendly slap could be heard, the more friendly a slap could be between girls.

“Yah!! What I’m saying is that he can’t do anything without me. Right now, he’s probably waiting for me to come home, like a cute little puppy” I heard Hyosung cooing and I couldn’t help but to furrow my brows. If she was speaking about my boy I would certainly kill her for saying such things, he was no puppy, and if he had to be, he certainly wouldn’t be hers, but mine.

“But isn’t he the boy Yongguk had his eyes on?

– Yes, it’s him. But Yongguk threw him away, I didn’t take Junhong from him. It’s just a question of time for the boy to forget him and fall for me.” I had heard enough, the two had just confirmed what I was scared of knowing. Daejung had handed over my boy to this slut. Opening the door, I stepped into the room full of nude girls, yet I was too worked up to even get excited at the idea of the place I was in. They screamed when I broke in, but calmed down once they recognized me.

“Young master, you should have knocked before-” One try to speak to me, but I wasn’t listening at all, I had my eyes glued on this one slut, the only one who wasn’t hanging onto me right now, the one who was trying to run away. But turning around, she only met lockers, the only door was the one from which I had entered, and if she wanted to escape she had to pass by me. I was now standing in front of her, she had her back glued to the cold lockers and my hands found their way easily to her throat.

“Don’t you dare to even put a finger on Junhong, or I swear, you would have wished to never been born.” I threatened her and released her, she brought her own hands to her throat as she was catching back her breath. It had been more fright than harm, but this was only a warning. Grabbing her chubby cheeks in one hand, I squeezed it, “am I clear enough?” she nodded and releasing her once again, I turned round to make my way out of here. In a certain way, I had been reassured; I knew Junhong was in a safe place. Even if not the best for a child, at least he was being looked over when she would be at home and protected by Daejung’s men. Also, I understood he would use the money I gave him to look after the boy.

—

It was not long after Christmas holidays, Junhong hadn’t come back yet and some girls were spreading some rumors about him, something like they had seen him ice skating with his girlfriend on Christmas Day, cuddling and watching fireworks together. I couldn’t stand that this girl had taken the place which had belonged to me, and it was even more frustrating as I had my little idea about who this girl could be. But before knocking that slut down, I had to make sure it was her. So I asked one of the girls who had saw Junhong to meet me at the infirmary. I saw this one coming from afar, well, I mostly smelt her. When she sat on the couch next me, wearing a mini-short … too short or too mini I don’t know.

She glued her leg to mine and I raised an eyebrow at her. What was a girl like her even thinking, with an ugly face like that? “Get your leg off me if you don’t want me to break it.” I threatened and she did as I told her, loosing slightly the over-confidence she had been wearing since she had stepped into this room. Back in time, I thought I wouldn’t have been able to resist Nam’s restriction about sex, but it turned out to be easier as I thought it would, because I was always being worried about Junhong, I hadn’t the time or even the heart to think about something else. As I kept thinking about Junhong, I soon started to think about him in sinful ways, I knew I shouldn’t. Yet, I was totally unable to stop those images in my head, the ones of a pure Junhong. It awakened the devil side in me, but I needed to wait. I had made him suffer enough and now I wanted to make him happy even before thinking about my own happiness. I wanted to make him feel good. “Tell me about Junhong” I said and stared at her while she blinked back at me.

“Is that why you asked to meet me?

–Yes. What other reasons would I have?

– I … I thought you-

– Well you thought wrong, so stop hurting yourself trying to think and tell me about what you saw.” When she spoke, she made me a perfect description of … Hyosung. Without commenting anything or even thanking her for the information, I dashed out of the infirmary and out of the school, making my way to the now, too well known place.

There wasn’t anyone here, by that, I meant that neither Daejung nor Daehyun were here. The girls were rehearsing by themselves. Approaching the stage, I grabbed Hyosung by her leg and pulling on it, I made her fall from the podium. I pinned her to the floor and sat on top of her, preventing her to make any move. “Don’t rape me!!” she screamed trying to hit my chest, but I grabbed her wrists and pinned them on the floor above her head.

“Why would I want to do such a disgusting thing to a slut like you?

– I know that the last time you told a woman you would make her suffer you raped her!” Pressing one hand over her mouth, I had still her two wrists in my other hand, but soon let go of it to grab her throat instead. It was time to get rid of annoying disturbance in my project to get Junhong back. I tightened my grip the strongest I could, I knew how to strangle someone and I knew how to do it well, she wouldn’t last long. She grabbed my arms, trying to pull on it, but it didn’t work, she was too weak and even less than this; same for the other sluts who were trying to pry me off her. I saw it in her gaze, she was about to pass out when I felt a gun being pressed on my temple.

“If you break my things, we will have some unfortunate disagreement…” I heard Daejung saying, I turned my head to glare at him, my hands still tight around Hyosung’s throat. “If you kill her you will hurt Junhong, more than you already did.” He said and that’s what convinced me to let this slut live. I let go of her and she cried, pain showing on her face as she was trying to catch back her breath. I stood up and before dealing with Daejung I had something to do. I grabbed the arm of Daejung’s man who had pointed his gun at me, holding it with my two hands; I broke it, using all my strength and balance.

“Do not ever point anything at me!” I burst to him while he fell on the ground, holding his broken arm, and clearly holding back his tears and cries.

“Sure, he won’t anymore since you broke his arm,” Daejung rolled his eyes at me, but I hadn’t the time nor the intention of arguing on useless matters.

“We need to speak.” I glared at him and made my way to his office. I heard him sighing, but still he followed me.

“Make Junhong leave her place.

– I can’t, he had grown attached to Hyosung now. He trusts her.

– Then he will grow attached and trust another slut. One that I will agree on.

– Yongguk! You have no right over this boy’s life!

– Neither do you!

– I will never let Junhong go back to you.

– He will, whether you want it or not. He will come back to me.

– Then what are you worried about?

– I don’t want her to have any contact with Zelo, not even a finger on his shoulder, even if it’s to soothe him.” We kept arguing, and while this time the slut had run away. Since that incident, I went to Daejung’s club every day. Sometimes, others accompanied me. There, I could take news about Junhong. How was he doing? How did his courses go? What were his scores? Did he want or need anything? Was he running enough money?

One night, I enjoyed they were all busy to sneak into the change room. I placed a microphone in Hyosung’s locker. I couldn’t trust her, and I was right to not. The night after this one, I was listening to their conversation, as Junhong’s name grabbed my attention once again. She talked about his first hard on, and how she had jerked him off. It wasn’t my fault if she had such a big death wish.  I hadn’t even listened until the end, I was already on my way to the club. When I reached the place, Daejung’s men prevented me to go to the girls’ change room.

“Hyung?” I turned around and Daehyun was coming out of his father’s office, Hyosung following him. I glared at her, and she shrunk herself in his back. I tried to move toward them, but here again Daejung’s men were preventing me to move freely, probably because of some instructions of their boss. “Get the hell out! What’s wrong with you all? Let him alone, go!” Daehyun burst after them and finally they left my side so I could walk up freely to him. “Did something happen?

– Yeah, and tell your girls to beware on their way back to their place. No one can know what can happen to them…” I said, my eyes still onto Hyosung who started shaking, Daehyun followed my gaze and looked back at me.

“What are you talking about Hyung?

– One of your girl touched something that belongs to me… and I had warned her twice already that I didn’t like others touching what’s mine.” Daehyun was fast to understand and he turned to Hyosung with round eyes.

“So you were the girl Junhong spent his Christmas Day with?” She nodded and he looked at her surprised, “what the fuck is this?

– Your father asked me to look after him…” Daehyun sighed and he turned back, grabbing me by my arm, he pulled me toward his own office before closing the door behind us.

“You’re standing up for this slut?

– Yes Hyung, I am. I’m protecting my family’s ownership. If my father asked her to do that, he might have some plans… just let them do, please? Even if I don’t know what it’s truly about, I know my father enough to tell you it’s for Junhong’s good.

– I know, that doesn’t mean she’s allowed to touch him the way she did!

– I will tell her.

– I already did… twice!

– Hyung, it’s not the same thing if I’m the one to tell her.

– Fine.” I said and left his place, that certainly was the last time I was coming here, or next there would be a murder. Once I was outside, Daehyun caught me up, running.

“Hyung… are you ready?

– What for?

– I mean, will you be fine? With Junhong …” I smiled softly to him and rested a hand on his shoulder, really the only way to get this sort of smile from me right now, was only because of Junhong’s thought.

“Finally, I will get him back to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *DIY : Do It Yourself. I couldn’t find anyone that could find an English word/sentence to replace this. If someone out there know the English -right- expression “to do a few [tinker]” I would be so glad to him/her. I am not speaking about tinkerbell =_=* but in the game the sims 3, I can for example ‘tinker the shower’. Yes… the sims… that’s how I learn English vocabulary >_>


	41. Plan 5 get back Yongguk-hyung part II

**YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW**

At the first meeting day we had to look over the students through the day, and quite other duties, but I couldn’t focus on anything on that special day which had never been that special to me. Waiting for Junhong, I didn’t know why but I was sure Junhong would come back to school now. I knew he would, he had to be ready by now, my patience had come to its limit and it wouldn’t be a nice reunion if I had to go pick him up and drag him to school. The meeting would start soon and he still wasn’t here. Why wasn’t he here yet? He should be here right now. Was he here already? Did I miss him? Fuck, I didn’t even know what his friends look like. Next time I would make sure to remember well their face. I turned to the only one who would know such a thing.

“They’re not here yet” Himchan replied to me after I asked him and that he checked the room. I huffed annoyed, how could he be late on the first meeting day? He sure would have problems if he did so … thinking further about it, maybe it was what he was looking for, to have problems so he would be forced to deal with me?

While I was imagining different other scenario in my head, a grown up Junhong stepped into the gymnasium and I looked at him amazed. The girls hadn’t lied; he was taller, which wasn’t hard to do as he had been really tiny on his first year here. His arms and legs were better built and I couldn’t help but to wonder if he had abs too. His clothes were some new trends, pretty chic, he did look like any other rich kid now. I felt glad Daejung had used well the money I gave him. After his clothes, I looked at his face, and felt relieved to see he had still his chubby cheeks. Daejung had freaked me out when he had said Junhong had looked horrible when he was in the hospital, way too skinny for his age. He had recovered well and I should thank Daejung for that. Junhong still had that same little nose anyone would want to pinch out of cuteness and of course, his ramyun hair.

He was smiling and laughing with his friends, something that warmed up my heart but also made me slightly sad. I was happy he was in good health and laughing this way, I was less happy that he wasn’t doing that stuff with me right now. Then, I noticed that two things at least that had changed in him, first, the look in his eyes, and secondly, the way he glanced at me. I kept looking at him all the time, so I knew it whenever he would glance at me, and I think he did it more times than he intended to. I saw also the way he checked if I was looking at him before he brushed the girl’s cheek with the back of his hand. Oh yes, I am looking at you boy, no need to resort to that sort of useless things. He already had my whole attention so he really didn’t need to. Was he trying to make me jealous? It was no use, I certainly wouldn’t! The only thing it did to me was that I wanted to punch that girl’s face when he squeezed her in his arms, but that’s all. Me, jealous? Never. … enjoy it sweetheart, you won’t have more from my boy …

Right before the director started his shit, Junhong turned his face to look at me. Finally, but the expression upon his face wasn’t the one I expected him to do. I knew it wasn’t what he felt, but I wondered then why was he showing such a denying look. If he wanted to deny me, he wouldn’t even be looking at me right now, and worst, he wouldn’t even have glanced to me since the time he entered in the gymnasium. I kept looking at him and that’s when Hyosung’s words came back to my mind.

It’s just a question of time for the boy to forget him and to fall for me.

That was impossible. She couldn’t.

I will never let Junhong go back to you.

What if Daejung had managed to make Junhong change his mind about me? About what his opinion of me? And what had been thinking about me since the start? I never really knew; and now that he knew about what happened between his mother and me… he was certainly hating me. So it may not be sham at all… No, Daejung had said that out of the blue just to make me angry, hadn’t he?

When the director was done with his speech Junhong passed by us not even according us a glance this time. It was like we didn’t existed, that nothing had ever happened between all of us. I followed him with my gaze but that was all, I was stuck here until I would be down with my duty, and Junhong would certainly not wait for me. I noticed the way Jongup started to move after the blonde boy, “if you follow him, never come back” I warned him, how could he even think about skipping this day, leaving us all the work to do. Even only the five of us, we spent so much time to do it all. Even if it was more me letting them do all the work, they would be only three if Jongup didn’t come to help.

“Fine” he simply replied me, looking back at me, I saw he didn’t believe  a single word of the threat I just said. I wasn’t that good of an  actor after all. He turned round and left. I did the same, but in the other way, toward the school. “JONGUP-AH!” I heard Himchan bursting after him, but Jongup didn’t even turn round, he was already far away. Himchan glared at me but I remained silent, maybe he would stay calm if I didn’t say anything that would anger him more. “If my Jongup leave me because of you I swear” I rolled my eyes as he started threatening me. “He will come back.” I reassured him and walked toward our basement. Daehyun and Youngjae followed us, by the way Daehyun was holding his dongsaeng, it was clear they had a mini-argument again. What followed was incredibly normal, everything went smoothly, I had to help them with the folders and the meeting with the teachers went as usual.

Lying in my bed, I closed my eyes as my hand found its way to my pants. I first caressed it down, then upward to my balls before holding a grip of it. I jerked myself like I hadn’t in months, images of a grown up Junhong flooding my mind, each of them dirtier than the previous one. I had observed him well, every detail his ample clothes would have let me glimpse of his body. Each curves of his body the thin fabric had allowed me to catch a sight of. He was no more the little fragile boy he used to be, the one I couldn’t even put a finger on too scared to break him. That little boy who when we had been sitting on the football playground, had told me about his blow job. I chuckled at this memory and I tried to remember every detail of his explanation back then.

Images of Zelo’s little pink tongue caressing my lollipop as one of his candy. The way he would look like when cumming, his voice becoming high-pitched while he would beg for me to cum inside of him. I imagined how his skin would be soft and clear, undamaged and pure body. As pure as his personality, both of them being ruined by me, and me only; with my cum on his face, in his mouth and his pinky hole. I would take him in my bed, in the shower, at home and at school, never getting tired of always doing the same things to him, yet always seeking for new sensations. Once I was done, I sighed looking at my dick turning back to the way it had been since several months. Was that really what I felt about Junhong? How could he have been the one waking it up from its coma? I would have never thought I would be gay, and because I hadn’t miss sex, I did thought I had become asexual… but gay?

            ✉From Jongup

            Me and Himchan-hyung won’t come today. Don’t wait for us.

I put back my phone on my desk after reading his message and looked back at the screens of the school. I hadn’t even had the time to think about those two that I got a call from Nam.

            “Early this morning, I met Himchan ~ he he

            – Good for you.” I replied and was about to hang up, but he kept speaking.

            “He was on his way to buy coffee, so I followed him. I did noticed there were some strange guys eyeing him up and down, and you know how Chan is. He doesn’t give any attention to this kind of stuff.” I heard him sighing and looked weirdly at my phone, wondering what happened to him to bother me with such a thing. It wasn’t like it was exceptional or anything.

            “Are you really calling me to tell me about Himchan’s life?” I asked this time ready to hang up, but as always Nam missed the tone I used saying it was over.

            “Wait! You have to listen till the end.

            – Hurry up.

            – It’s not really like you had anything else to do…

            – I said, hurry up!

            – He wasn’t walking straight.

            – …

            – Do you understand what that means?” I closed my eyes, rubbing my eyes and sighed, I really didn’t want to have this kind of images in my mind right now. “He had sex with Jongup!!” That I didn’t want to hear, I hanged up and this time again, I hadn’t even the time to put down my phone, it rang again and I replied.

“YAH!!

            – Listen. I don’t really want to know about Himchan’s sex life. Yes, I’m happy for you he got over his feelings, and finally accepted Jongup. Now, I’m done.” I hanged up again and I received a message. He was really persistent.

            ✉ From Nam

            Himchan didn’t just buy a coffee there…

I rolled my eyes, Nam was really too full of Himchan, such a soccer mom, he couldn’t let him at peace. I also did like Himchan a lot, he saved our lives and asses more than one time in the past, but Nam was more obsessed with Himchan than I ever been. I called him back.

            “Please Nam, go straight to what you want to say.

            – … as I said, he didn’t just buy a coffee there. He sat at one table and waited for someone. You would never guess who!

            – Junhong.

            – You know what? You’re really no fun…

            – Which means, he also met Jongup yesterday…

            – Who will be the next?

            – Probably Youngjae.

            – And after him, Daehyun. He keeps himself the best for the end!

            – Or maybe, he doesn’t want me anymore…

            – What shit are you saying?

            – In your wonderful plan, I guess you hadn’t planned he would spend his time with Hyosung.

            – Hyosung? The screamer?

            – Yes, she may have talked to him about me in a bad way . She might have made him change his mind… I don’t trust her.

            – It’s okay Gukkie. I like her.” And as if it solved everything that he said that, he hung up as if we had no more things to talk about. As weird as it could sound, whenever my brother felt that confident over himself about something, it would reassure me. Nothing seem to ever reach him. I was like him before I met Junhong. Nothing ever mattered to me, so it wasn’t bad if it didn’t even went the way I wanted it to, back in past, I just had to break it down until it would be the way I wanted or it would be destroyed. But now, I wasn’t sure anymore my own friends would choose me over Junhong. Even if it was what they had done through the past months, I couldn’t help but to keep worrying. With Nam, it was again something else. Nothing could take him away from me, nothing could separate us. He thought only about my own good and I did the same for him.

This day, Junhong spent it spying Youngjae. I kept an eye on him, wondering when he would go talk to him, but Daehyun always prevented him to approach them. I hoped Daehyun would soon realize he also needed Junhong and that he would stop doing this. It had been long enough, there were no need to delay more than this Junhong’s come back.

The following day, Daehyun was first to arrive, after me of course. I found it weird, why would he ever be here so soon? Something wrong was going on… I had a bad feeling. I looked at him when he sat on the couch and took out his gun to fill it. This was becoming weirder and weirder. Never Daehyun went out with an empty gun, probably a mafia’s thing. He noticed the way I was looking at him and he told me : “My father removed my bullets this morning… he did it when I was packing my bag.” First weird thing was Daejung doing such a thing while he had probably been the one teaching his son to never go out alone with an empty gun, and secondly, Daehyun had been preparing his empty bag? He rarely brought his school books, and he rarely brought anything in his bag. It was a complete mystery, what could Daehyun put in his backpack?

“Why did he do that?

– No idea…” he said and loaded his gun. Finally Youngjae entered and that’s when I understood what was going on. Youngjae was too much different from usual, it was clear as spring water that he had met with Junhong. The fact that Daejung had removed Daehyun’s bullets from his gun must have something to do with the whole case as it was probably his plan. Which meant Daehyun wouldn’t like it. I had to be fast. I grasped the opportunity Daehyun was too full minded into Youngjae to replace his bullets with blank ones. I couldn’t risk Junhong’s life because little Daehyun would be upset. Everything took its sense when I saw Junhong entering the restroom, I clicked my tongue at his foolishness, but he couldn’t hear me and I couldn’t stop what was about to happen anymore. Daehyun and Youngjae received a message and less than a few second after, Daehyun was out, followed by Youngjae. As I had supposed, Daehyun was way too upset to notice I had changed his bullets, and that was nice to have him that predictable. My hands turned into fists as I looked at the whole scene. In the end, Zelo was leaning on the floor, looking at the ceiling, at me.


	42. Plan 6 get back Junhong part I

**ZELO POINT OF VIEW**

Once Daehyun left I stayed in the restroom, leaning on my back looking at the hidden camera which was in the middle of the ceiling. Now that I knew it was here, I wondered how people had never noticed it. There was clearly a little hole in the ceiling. But maybe if I had never learned about it, I would have never doubt there would be cameras in every corridor of this school. It wasn’t something legal after all…  I looked at it as if I was looking directly at Yongguk-Hyung. I knew he was watching me.

So he had removed Daehyun-hyung’s bullet… Why did he do that? How did he know Daehyun-hyung would be after me? Why did he want to pay my hospital fees? What  have he thrown me away for after doing all those things for me? It didn’t make any sense! Or I simply couldn’t understand…

I muttered a ‘thank you’ to the camera before getting up and made my way to the infirmary. I couldn’t go back to class in this state, so I stayed there for the day, the nurse allowed me to and informed my teachers so they wouldn’t expel me for not attending my classes.

The day after, when I arrived at school, the first place I went to was the one I was used to go to before all this happened. I made my way to the basement, my heart was beating fast as if I was running, while I was walking the slowest I could, enjoying each step I was making toward this wonderful place. Once i was in front of the hidden door, I licked my dried lips, now I was ready to give Yongguk-hyung a lesson and to get him back.

But no one was here yet. So I waited. It felt so good to be back here. I looked around me and everything was still the same. Somehow it felt nice, but mostly strange; it was like nothing had happened. I was glad to forget about it, but I couldn’t completely forget all the things that happened too. It had changed me too much for me to be able to forget and forgive that easily. I looked into the fridge and grabbed a grape juice brick. Whenever Daehyun-hyung would have passed by, it was the only juice left behind because he hated its taste.

Himchan-hyung and Jongup-hyung were the first to arrive. We looked at each other, me sitting on the couch and them standing at the entrance, surprise written all over their faces. Silently, Jongup-hyung walked to sit next me and patted my back smiling to me, no words were spoken before Himchan-hyung decided to move toward the fridge, opening it he asked me what I’d like him to fill it with. They acted as they were used to before… before… They were acting…normally. The same I had felt entering the basement, as if nothing ever happened and I let myself believe it a little, just a little, for a few moments, because it felt too good. The third to arrive was Youngjae-hyung and I had some suspicions toward Jongup-hyung to be sending him messages telling him to hurry up because I was here. Of course, I understood that Youngjae-hyung would have killed him if he hadn’t warned him, and I was thankful to all of them. I spent my morning with them, Himchan-hyung left a few minutes to go speak with my mathematics teacher, and thankfully she was so nice, she allowed me to skip her class, even though the fact Himchan-hyung was the one to go speak to her must have influenced her decision a lot.

It was near noon when I decided to leave; I had promised Wonshik to eat with him and Minrin. “Junhong” Youngjae-hyung called me as I had my hand on the handle, turning around I looked at him while he was looking at the screens. “Yes?” I replied, letting him know I had heard him but he was still looking at the screens, before he finally looked at me, “no… it’s nothing,” he smiled, which I did back to him before nodding and leaving without any additional word. No goodbyes were needed, because there was no use to say such a word.

The way to the cafeteria wasn’t that long, I had just one corridor to walk, left and left, and the big door leading to the canteen would be there. Yet, in the short moment I spent on that short path, I met Daehyun-hyung, who was accompanied by Yongguk-hyung. I froze completely facing both of them, and for a few seconds we kept staring at each others, I guess neither of us knew how to react. Daehyun-hyung was right in front me, his lips slightly parted as he probably forgot to close his mouth after the surprise effect, while Yongguk-hyung was a bit aback, looking at the both of us. “Oh… hyung,” I finally was the first to speak which made Daehyun-hyung blink.

“Junhong-ah…” he made a weird face, probably wanting to smile, but at the same time not allowing himself to rejoice about this short meeting because of the heavy gaze of Yongguk-hyung on his nape. At the moment, there was only one thing on my mind, it was to open my arms and to hug Yongguk-hyung, tightly, and never let him go. If only I could, if only I could get the assurance that he wouldn’t reject me, I would have done it.

“I…” I moved my hand to show the cafeteria’s direction, “I’m going to eat now…” I said and he looked at the door I pointed to. He nodded back to me, and I would have never imagined Daehyun-hyung to be that afraid of Yongguk-hyung, even if I was the first to be scared of him. After all, Daehyun-hyung was a kid from mafia, Yongguk-hyung was really something to be able to scare him. I gathered up my courage and tapped his shoulder walking by him, chuckling inwardly as I could perfectly depict the scene even without looking at them. Yongguk-hyung glaring at Daehyun-hyung, promising to kill him once they would be alone together. But in the end, I wasn’t that sorry for Daehyun-hyung than that, I just considered it as a compensation for the beat up I got yesterday which I managed to hide perfectly with noona’s magic make up. Passing by Yongguk-hyung, I carefully walked right next him, yet avoiding to bump into him, just enough for our bodies to brush against each other, as if the corridor was crowded whilst it was completely empty.

Everything was going perfectly according noona’s plan… that was what I thought until I was back in classroom after lunch time. This afternoon, it was history, that teacher hated me and I suspected him to mainly hate Yongguk-hyung and to reject his hate against his students because he couldn’t after Yongguk-hyung or his friends. While he was busy sending all my classmates to sleep I had hard time with myself. My mind was full of thoughts about Yongguk-hyung, about that friction I got with him moments ago.

Did he go skinnier? I had memory of him being big, strong and well built. Or was I the one to grow bigger which made him seemed skinnier to me? Maybe it had been because of his wide clothes that it had made him look so big. Starting from this point, I started to get images in my head, wondering then how he would look under his clothes. That’s when it happened for the second time of my young life.

It was exactly like the first time, at the exception that I was in class now. At school and noona wasn’t near around to help me this time. I tried to be smart, thinking about asking the teacher if I could go to the toilet. After all, it would just be a matter of a few minutes. It would be like going to pee … but then I thought about the CCTV cameras in the whole school, and remembering who the one behind them was, this idea suddenly sounded less good and smart.

“Are you okay?” Wonshik asked me worriedly and I moved a lazy hand toward him.

“Yes… I… I’m a bit tired… nothing-nothing bad.” I managed to tell him and it looked enough for him for the moment to leave me at peace. Noona had warned me that if it happened to me again in a crowded place, I had to think about something else. Looking around, I searched for something to keep my mind busy, but strangely in that kind of situation everything came to be related to what I was trying to not think about. Looking at my right side, I wondered if Wonshik already had an erection and how many people in this room knew what it was. Thinking about something else … it didn’t help me at all. It was even worse now.

“Sir … can I go to the infirmary?” I finally decided myself to raise my hand and ask. It started to hurt as hell, way more painful than last time.

"Wait for the end of the class." That *** didn’t even looked at me and resumed his class. No need to wonder if he cared about what I could have. I could be dying right in front him, he wouldn’t care less. Well I wouldn’t mind if it was there only few minutes left to the class, but staying like this for two hours!? Hell, I couldn’t! The teachers knew I wasn’t hanging out with Yongguk-hyung’s band so they didn’t fear me anymore, and enjoyed it treating me like shit. I really couldn’t stay here. Slowly, I stood up, the teacher and my comrades looked amazed wondering what I was doing.

"I’m sorry Sir. I really need to go." I made my way to the exit after looking at him briefly.

"If you leave this room I’ll make you get expeled from this school!" he burst trying to frighten me. It could have worked if I wasn’t in a state of emergency.

"Do as you wish." I said rolling my eyes and exited the room. I heard my class getting excited and the teacher having hard time to calm them down.

But once out of this room, if I was about to be expelled, then I could simply go to somewhere else, where there weren’t cameras to spy on me. After all, Yongguk-hyung had protected me from Daehyun-hyung. He would do it again, right? I ran to Hyosung’s apartment. She was at work so I had the whole place for me. I entered the bathroom and shower, opened the cold water to take an icy shower hoping it would help. But it didn’t. So I grabbed my hard on in my fist as noona did and I moved my hand up and down. I closed my eyes and almost instantly the image of Yongguk-hyung appeared in my mind, he had been so near.

A shaky breath left my mouth as I imagined him back hugging me, his chin on my shoulder and his arms on each side of my body, slipping down, his long fingers running down my skin until finding themselves surrounding my shaft. What would it feel like? Would he act fast? Or slowly?

He had always been the gentle kind with me, so I moved according to what I imagined he would do, I slowed down my pace to see how it would felt, and it made me want to speed up, to feel more pressure around me, because I could feel more pleasure when it would be tightly bound and that my hand would move quickly.

My hips started to move on their own, it was like I wasn’t controlling my body anymore, and it was urging me for more again. “Yon-YONGGUK-HYUNG” I screamed while the sticky liquid came out from me to go splash against the shower wall.

I fall on my knees and tears started to run down my face. I cried and kept crying. Why couldn’t I just go back to him? What was preventing me? What was wrong about me being with the one I loved?  I wanted him. I needed him… now.

Once I was done and there were no more tears in my body to blow out, I felt too tired to get out the shower. The cold water was still pouring on me but I would close my eyes for a few minutes and then leave…

When re-opened my eyes, I was in the living laying on the sofa, wrapped in some heavy blankets, my head resting on Hyosung-noona’s legs while she was rubbing her palm on my cheeks to warm it up.

"Noona…

– Junhong-ah…you’re awake…” she sniffed and I looked at her, I noticed her red puffy eyes and frowned.

"Are you crying noona?

– Why did you do that Junhong-ah?” she asked me while a tear left the corner of her eyes to end rolling down her neck. I sat up and cupped her face in both my hands to wipe her tears with my two thumbs.

"What are you talking about noona?

– Did you try to commit suicide again?

– No!

– Why were you lying in the shower, icy water pouring on you then?

– I took a shower… and I felt asleep…” I said lowering my head, understanding how stupid it had been. She slapped me.

"YOU IDIOT!! YOU WERE ALMOST IN HYPOTHERMIA!!" She cried and I took her in my arms to hug her. We stayed this way until we heard her phone ringing. She left the living and answered her phone only once she reached the kitchen.

I looked at her sadly, since the day she had help me with my first erection, she had become distant with me. Whenever we would end hugging, she wouldn’t allow us to stay in that position for longer than a few seconds. She sounded like she was afraid of something, and I hated it. I didn’t want to live in the fear anymore, and so I didn’t want her to neither. I did try to make her talk about what was preventing her to be near like we used to be, when we would fall asleep in each other’s arms. I didn’t want the same thing which happened to my mother to happen to her, I wanted to protect her.

When she finally came back, she looked furious. “It was your school.” She said, resting her two fists on her hips and I gulped. “Why did you do that?

– I really need to go and the teacher wouldn’t let me go to the infirmary!” I tried to explain her, but I knew by the look she hold she would contest whatever I would say for my defense.

"Shut up! … I never told you to be disrespectful! Even less toward a teacher! Seriously, what were you thinking!!" She yelled at me, sighed and grabbed her hair with her two fists.

"… Am I expelled?

– Don’t you know how much the director cares about respect? Didn’t you ever listen to his speech?” She kept scolding me. She had never been this angry toward me before so I remained looking down  to my feet.

"I’m sorry…" So I had been expelled… Was that all? It couldn’t be that easy, right? It couldn’t end like this! I had hoped for Yongguk-hyung to do something, but here again I got the proof he didn’t care. He was so unpredictable and I had been too full of myself thinking he wouldn’t want me to be expelled. I was so stupid! He had told me to leave his school, of course he didn’t care if I was expelled and now I hated myself more even for being this dumb. I hated the boy I used to be and I hated the boy I was right now. I didn’t care about school; the only thing that made me sad was the possibility to never be able to see Yongguk-hyung ever again…

"I won’t let this happen!" Noona snapped me out of my though, I looked at her and noticed she had prepared herself to go out. "You come with me, we-" she was cut off by her phone. Looking at it, she turned white and her hands started shaking quite in an awful way. I frowned wondering who it could be that was harassing her and silently promised to myself that I would protect her from whoever it was.

"Yes?" she answered her voice that tiny it was barely hearable. "Yes. I understand. (…) Yes. (…) He is in front of me now. (…) Yes, I will bring him with me. (…) Yes. I remember. (…) I understood. We’re coming right away." She hanged up. All her courage had disappeared and she looked like she was going to the gallows.

"Who was it noona?" I asked but she didn’t have the time to answer as we heard someone opening the main door. How was that possible? Who could it be? Noona had never spoken about someone that could have a double of her key. I put myself between noona and the man who entered to prevent him to come near to her. The man looked at me and moved on the side, moving a hand telling us to go out. Noona pushed me in my back urging me to do what the man wanted us to. I grabbed her hand and always made sure to have a safe distance between this man and us. He led the way to the outdoors, until we reached a black car. Only then I started to understand who he could be. The man opened the door and we got in the car in which other men in black suit were already seated, probably waiting for us.

We all remained silent the whole ride. No words had been spoken since the man had entered noona’s place. I felt her hand shaking so I tighten my grip. She was looking down to her knees while I kept looking suspiciously at the men around us. I had faced an angry Daehyun-hyung holding a gun, those men were way less scary than what he had been and I wouldn’t let anything to happen to her.

About an hour after, we reached a big mansion. I looked outside and there were guards everywhere in the giant garden. We got out of the car and followed the same man as earlier inside the huge building. After three, I stopped counting the corridors we were passing by as I understood well it wouldn’t be easy to leave this place if ever we had to run away with noona. People in black suits were everywhere, and each time we passed by one, he would great Hyosung-noona as ‘the screamer’. I glared to each one of them bringing noona closer to me, dissuading them not to tempt anything. Finally we stopped in front a huge black door, the man told us to wait here, two other men who had followed us were staying there, I guess it was just in case we tried to run away. I looked at noona as her hand was by now shaking more violently. The door opened and a little committee was waiting for us inside, with at its head, Daejung.

“Was that what you had planned for him?” He had been screaming for a while by now. I had been scared he would hurt her since the beginning, but had never done more than just screaming, until now. His hand landed on noona’s cheek and she fell on the floor. Gathering my courage, I stood in between the two. If anyone wondered, yes, I was afraid as hell, that much I think I was on the edge to pee in my pants but my will to protect noona was bigger than my fear. She had been suffering because of me.

“Don’t blame her! It’s my fault!” I tried to not let my voice shake as I looked into Daejung’s eyes but he wasn’t looking back at me, instead he glanced at his men who were standing around us in the room.

“Why is he still here?” he said with an annoyed tone and the second after his men’s hands were on me, dragging me out of the room and around in the mansion, with me unable to say or do anything. They brought me to second floor, threw me in a room and locked me inside. I sat on the ground, not bothering myself to turn on the light; I hugged my knees against my chest and rested my forehead on my arms. What would happen to me now? How was Hyosung-noona? It was only now that my brain started to work anew and that I understood how serious the situation I got myself in was. In addition of being alone without any parents, I hadn’t a school anymore, my life had come to an end that fast, I hadn’t realized it sooner.

When Daehyun-hyung’s father came in, the sun had been gone for a while already. “Did you calm down?” he asked leaving the door opened behind him and the corridor’s light was the only one enlightening the room which made me squint as I looked up at him.

“I wasn’t angry or excited…” because of the light in his back, I couldn’t see his face clearly.

“… I’m not sure anymore if it was a good idea to let you in Hyosung’s hands.

– What have you done to her?” If I wasn’t earlier, this time I was angry and upset, and I showed it in my voice.

“Junhong-ah, you need to stop talking to me this way.

–… I’m sorry… I just wanted to protect her. It’s my fault she has nothing to do with it.

– On the contrary. She has everything to do with it. You were under her responsibilities so all your faults became hers.

–… I’m sorry. I won’t do it ever again…

– I can understand you excuse yourself this way with anyone else. But I’m not. Had I been too gentle with you to the point you forgot who I was?” I squinted even more before gasping as I realized the hint he kept giving me. I had spoken harshly to him in front of all his men. I kneeled down and put my forehead on the floor.

“I am sorry! I will not do it ever again! Please forgive me!

– Better… You’ll stay at my house.

– What?! Can’t I stay at Hyosung-noona’s place?” I raised my head in a hurry, only to see him glaring at me as my eyes got used to the light. I gulped again and my head hit the floor as I moved it back there a bit too harsly.

“Hyosung can’t take care of you anymore so you’ll stay here.

– Can I ask a question sir?” I asked to the floor.

“Go ahead.

– How is Hyosung-noona? Is she alright?

– Kid … she works for me and she’s a goose that lays golden eggs, I would never break such a thing.” he sighed and left the room, closing the door behind him without locking it.

Such a thing? Was that all noona was to him? A thing? Something he could get rid of whenever it wouldn’t make him profit anymore? Then I came to wonder: was I a thing too? Was I being considered as such a thing too? Which could explain why Yongguk-hyung had been able to throw me away that easily? Before, I thought it would be okay to be considered as such… until he did get rid of me. I felt disgusted by the fact that Yongguk-hyung wasn’t even thinking of me as a human being. But I was even more disgusted by myself who even after realizing it couldn’t stop himself from loving this man and wanting to be by his side.

I took out my phone and searched through my contact list, passing by Yongguk-hyung’s number, I hit the one after his. I believed that only he could understand what I was feeling right now, who had been sold away by his own parents when he was just a kid.

“Junhong-ah!” I felt joy in his voice, he must have saved my number after the time I sent him that text. “You’re alive!!!” he cheered loudly.

"Hyung…

– What’s going on Junhong-ah? I don’t really like that sad tone in your voice…” suddenly his voice sounded less joyful and it made me feel bad for being such a bad dongsaeng.

“Hyung, am I a thing?

– What?

– When you think about me, do you think of me as Yongguk-hyung’s belonging?

– Certainly not. You’re my cute little dongsaeng. Well not that little anymore, but in my heart you’ll forever stay that little cute blonde boy I took in my home.” A silent smile spread on my lips hearing his comforting words. “Why did you ask? Don’t tell me you’re thinking of yourself as such?!

– I’m at Daehyun-hyung’s father’s house now. He doesn’t want me to stay at Hyosung-noona’s place anymore. I asked him how was noona because I was afraid he had hurt her and he answered me he wouldn’t break his things which make good money…

– So you were at Hyosung’s place… Listen to me. No matter how much of a mafia guy Yongguk-hyung looks like, he’s not and Hyosung can be as sweet as she wants, she works for mafia. You may have thought wrong about them because Daehyun and Daejung like you, but they’re not sweet people Junhong-ah. Hyosung is a slut and she’s considered as one, which you’re not. You’re not a slut, neither a thing, and never let anyone make you believe the contrary.” Once again I smiled at his reassuring words which sounded even gentler with his soft voice.

"Thank you Hyung.

– You’re welcome Junhong-ah. Just never think badly of yourself, you’re someone great. So tell me how your day had been…” I chuckled, he had brushed away my worries that easily, I wish I could do the same with the people I wanted to protect.

When Daehyun-hyung came home, he blinked at me, only then I understood his men had put me in his room. He didn’t react more than that, maybe he had been warned by his father beforehand. It looked like it was perfectly normal to him for me to be in his mansion as if I had always belonged here.

The mansion was this huge, through the week I spent over there; I hadn’t been able to visit every room. Daehyun-hyung made me a short visit of the most important places. He also ‘lent’ me a few of his waitresses. The girls followed me everywhere, never letting me alone and I felt glad they did because of the amount of times I got lost. At first they were shy with me but after some time they understood I wasn’t like Daehyun-hyung, I had no business to do with their families, so I wasn’t a threat to them. We got along pretty quickly and soon we started laughing and playing together when there was no one around us. They told me they had been sold out by their parents, the same as Youngjae-hyung had been, and they told me a bit more about the two. Youngjae-hyung used to be Daehyun-hyung’s 'personal maid' as they said. So that was what he had meant by 'mafia aren't sweet people'.

Daejung had used his authority to enroll me back at MAMA and through the week I went there, doing my best to avoid Yongguk-hyung and my other hyungs. I had been allowed to meet Daehyun-hyung only at home. His father had warned me that he would send me to another country if ever I tried anything and I didn’t want to tempt my luck and see if he would keep his words. I asked him until when I had to wait but he never really gave me a proper answer, only saying “later”, “not now”.

At school, as I was now back in contact with my hyungs, and mostly with Daehyun-hyung at my new home, I was aware of what was going on even without going to the basement. He told me that Yongguk-hyung would have get me back already if it hadn’t been with the problem he was facing with the hooded gang.

Those guys had been more active than the past year and it started to be a problem. Too many innocent kids had been involved, locked in their own lockers. Even without spending the day with him, I could feel that Yongguk-hyung was upset about this case, so I decided that in the mean time Daejung would wait to finally allow me to go back to my hyung; I would help him in my own way. The same way he had done by paying my hospital fees.

After some researches, I wasn’t long before finding out who they were. It was quite easy; I just had to play the game, saying that I admired them and would love to be part of their group. Whispers going from ear to ear, it was sure that it would have ended in one of those guys after some time. But for them to believe I actually really wanted, I had to play the game fully, talking harshly to other students. Wonshik had been nice enough to allow me to use him as my stooge; he let me lock him into his locker. Only him and Minrin were actually aware of my plan.

They were fast to come find me and since I hung out with them from time to time, when no eyes were around to witness us. I hated it. They were six, so it was seven with me in total. They had been also pretty quick to accept me and believe all my lies about hating Yongguk-hyung and his band, really easy to fool. They laughed at each lie I made and I wanted to punch them so badly, but it wasn’t my job  to do. While hanging out with them, I learned a lot about each member and even drew a portrait of them, something that I would give to Himchan-hyung when the time comes. I needed enough proofs.

Also through this week which looked so empty and boring to me, even though of all the things I did to keep me busy helping Yongguk-hyung, I felt that way only because I couldn’t be by his sides, watching him from afar wasn’t enough for me anymore. At my great astonishment, I started to receive more and more love letters from girls, each day more than the previous one, and of course I made sure Yongguk-hyung would always be around when I would receive it.

The first letter had been when I arrived at school, on Wednesday I think, all my hyungs were at the gate, and I had been really lucky because even Yongguk-hyung had been here. Of course, I noticed them every morning, the bunch of girls waiting near where Wonshik and Minrin were waiting for me, and like coincidence, they would get in the school same time we did. This morning they had been waiting like any morning, except when I joined my friends, one of them approached us. I had looked at her, tilting my head slightly to the side while she had been reaching out a letter to me.

Minrin had pushed my hand, urging me to take it, which I did hesitantly, muttering a “thank you” when she had released it.  I smiled to her apologetically as she blushed while the whole schoolyard went wooo-ing. During this short time I had forgot about Yongguk-hyung, that he had always his eyes on me, so when I passed by him I couldn’t refrain a grin of victory while he frowned even more, clearly discontent with this.

Yongguk-hyung was jealous, so he did have some feelings for me right? I felt my heart getting warmer and I got quickly addicted to this feeling. Whenever he wouldn’t be around when I received a love letter, I always made sure to let him know by one way or another, most of the time it was me talking loudly as we passed by them in the corridors. I was no more avoiding him, but I wasn’t going to him either, so I wasn’t disobeying Daejung, right?

About the content of these letters, there weren’t that important, I couldn’t respond to their feelings because of what I felt for Yongguk-hyung. I would need another heart to give them the love they wanted from me, which was impossible. So I made sure to reply to each of them by returning them their letter with my answer on the back of it. Some of these were beautifully written “and the girl was very cute!” I chuckled inwardly as I saw from the corner of my eyes, Yongguk-hyung’s fists forming in his pockets.

"Aren’t you afraid he would beat you or the girls who gave you letters some day?" Wonshik asked raising an eyebrow at me after I had done my little trick for the umpteenth time.

"I would be glad if he did." I laughed and he shook his head amused, trying to not let his smile show because he didn’t approve it.

Everything was going smoothly and I almost got used to this new life. Sure it wasn’t the one I wanted, but it wasn’t as unbearable as I had already live.

We were now eating in the canteen with Wonshik and Minrin. The place got suddenly quiet and I felt that someone was standing beside our table. Raising slowly my eyes, I saw that boy standing here, he looked completely clueless and out of the place. By his posture and his uniform, I concluded he was a first year, so one year younger than me. As my eyes met his, his face turned completely red and I didn’t know what to do or what to say, so I kept staring at him.

He took a deep breath and bowed suddenly; reaching out his arms toward me, in both his hands he was holding a letter. All students that were in the canteen at this time started whispering looking at us. “It’s for you” I barely heard the boy whispering as he was literally talking to the ground while he was still bowing, so his head was at the same level as mine, who was sitting, which was the only way I had been able to hear him. Slowly I took the letter from his hands, thanking him the same way I had done with the girls. Standing up, he smiled brightly before running away.

I kept my eyes on his back as he was disappearing out of the refectory, blinking when he wasn’t here in the room and that the noise came back around me, people speaking about what just happened as if their seat neighbor hadn’t witnessed the action themselves. Glancing down to the letter, I then looked back toward the big wooden door leading to the corridor, toward where the boy had left, doing so, I noticed Yongguk-hyung was also staring at the door the same way I did. At the exception that it wasn’t surprise written over his face. I couldn’t really depict which expression it was, but I could clearly feel that it wasn’t predicting anything good.


	43. Plan 6 get back Junhong part II

**ZELO POINT OF VIEW**

 

I tried not to listen to the whispers and giggles in the canteen, knowing what they were babbling about was the last thing I wanted to hear, but even though I didn’t want to hear them, I knew exactly what they were talking about. A boy liking another boy was impossible. I stayed there staring at my plate for a moment, and only looked up once I noticed Wonshik shaking me to get me out of my thoughts. “I’m going, let’s meet in class” I told them and left the canteen, perfectly noticing the silence which followed me until I left the place. I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn’t even think about looking at Yongguk-hyung, to check him. Somehow, the image of his disgusted face was stuck in my mind. Why had he been like that? Was he against two boys liking each other as well? Or was it just out of jealousy? Because before I had only received it from girls, he may not have considered them as potential threats, but now from a boy. What was I even thinking about?! Yongguk-hyung wasn’t gay and he simply thought about me as his little brother, no more, no less. A little brother which he clearly didn’t want to be gay…

On my way to the classroom, I was so tempted to read that letter, wondering if the content was the same as what the girls wrote to me. If Yongguk-hyung didn’t want that kind of relationship with me, couldn’t I try it out with someone else who at least had feelings for me? I didn’t pay attention to class for the whole afternoon, playing nervously with the letter under my table. The thing was that I hadn’t read any kind of love letters while someone else was around before; it was something private which I needed to read alone, because it was directed to me, and only me. But then, what if this one wasn’t a love letter, then there would be no problem in reading it right now, right? Time looked like it was slowing down the more I thought about it, and I felt like decades had passed by before I was finally alone in my own room at Daejung’s place. Hurrying before Daehyun-hyung would burst in my room to ask me questions about the boy, I began reading.

> {To Junhong-hyung,
> 
> The first meeting day was also the first time I saw you. You were gleaming amongst all the gloomy students, and since that day, I kept thinking about you. I tried to convince myself it was nothing, that it was bad and that I shouldn’t have this sort of feelings toward another boy. It’s against nature, right?
> 
> But when I heard that you had been expelled from school, I felt like I was in a never ending fall, hating myself for never being able to confess my feelings. So when you came back to school, I was so surprised but determinated to tell you. Just … I'm not shy but there are a few things even I can’t do.
> 
> How would you react? This question kept bugging me. I'm aware of the fact that not every guy is into males; I didn’t even know it myself before meeting you. But if I never ask, I will never know.
> 
> Thus followed the next question: how to convey my feelings? I was thinking deeply about it when I saw all those girls giving you love letters, day after day, so I thought it would be the best way to do so myself.
> 
> You look handsome and seem to be a kind guy, but that's not the only reason I admire you. Junhong-hyung is the only one standing up against Yongguk-hyung and his gang, and I admire you for this. I wish I could be as strong and courageous as you. I did hear many rumors about you, how you had beaten up the guy who was harassing you and that no one ever saw him afterwards, neither back in school nor even in the whole country -because some people looked for him to ask him questions about you-. Also how you defended your friends and the ones being threatened by Yongguk-hyung. Everybody is scared of him and we can only rely on you to defend us against him.
> 
> I don't know if this is love or something else, but one thing is sure, I really do admire you.
> 
> From a fan of you amongst many others,
> 
> Gwak Dong Yeon }

I put the letter down on my lap staring into space after I was done reading it. I had this strange feeling, a sort of mix between an impression of déjà vu and to meet my old self. That boy was almost in the same situation I had been, at least, I felt like the feelings he had for me were the same I had for Yongguk-hyung since the first time I saw him. But I was nothing courageous like the one he pictured in his letter, he was the courageous one, being able to word out his feelings while I hadn’t been able to convey my own to the one I loved.

Then, maybe I could accept this boy’s feelings. I could do that the same way I had wished Yongguk-hyung to react to my feelings so at least, one person among us would be happy. But would he really be without me liking him the way he wanted me to? Would I end up liking him in this way and forget about Yongguk-hyung? Would he still like me when he would discover I wasn’t the one he imagined me to be? I was nothing like a hero.

I wasn’t defending people from Yongguk-hyung, I was preventing them to get any contact with him, if I couldn’t, no one could. Also, I wanted him to look at me and only me. Every of my actions at school were ruled by the simple fact that I was trying everything in my power to get him back to me. I was selfish and jealous, but a hero… I doubted it.

 

The following day, on my way to my classroom, I met this boy, DongYeon, in the corridors. I was about to go greet him but we both froze looking at each other’s face. Probably he didn’t want me to see the bruises on his face or the cigarette burns on his arms. He ran away the opposite way and I spent some time to recover from this shock. How could he have done such a thing? Without questioning myself more if the culprit was really the one I thought it to be, I made my way to the basement, bursting into it, making every of my hyungs jump up in surprise, and Himchan-hyung even spilled his coffee over himself.

They all looked at me with big round eyes except for one. Yongguk-hyung was glued to his screens; that was probably why he didn’t look surprised to see me there, because he had seen me coming. I approached him and stood by his side, waiting for him to look at me. Every one of his movements looked so slow. He leaned backward in his chair before turning his face to look up to me. I blinked a few times with my mouth slightly opened as I was trying to get the words out. Our eyes meeting this way, in this room, I felt the adrenaline leaving my body and anything that could have sounded like courage leave with it. Letting the scaredy me alone with Yongguk-hyung, but I couldn’t let myself tenderize, clenching up my fists on my side I took a deep –shaky- breath before letting myself explode.

“Why did you do that to DongYeon? He hadn’t done anything wrong! He's well behaving and you have no right to touch him! The next time you lay your hands on him I will make you pay for this!” I warned him, and he didn’t look impressed neither by me nor by my threat, nor did he look like he would answer back. I simply got no reaction from him which made me even more frustrated. I was a fool. I huffed before turning round and leaving the room.

My hands were shaking out of anger and frustration, why hadn’t he replied? Or at least showed any kind of reaction? Couldn’t he be a tan troubled to have me that near to him? Why did it have to be me to be the only one to feel this way? That was so unfair.

I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn’t realize someone had been following me before I was being pushed into an empty classroom. Turning around I saw Jongup-hyung closing the door behind him before he grabbed me by my collar and shoved me into the wall next the door. “Are you crazy?” he yelled at me what I was about to tell him.

“Get off me!” I yelled back at him catching his wrists, I tried to pry him off me but he was still stronger than me.

"Why did you burst in like this? Is this the way you plan to make him go back to you? Are you dumb?

– Didn´t you notice the bruises on DongYeon today?” I grabbed him by his collar as well while looking into his eyes.

“Who is that DongYeon you're talking about?

– Gwak Dong Yeon, the boy who gave me a letter yesterday!” I said with the intention to make him shut up but it didn’t face him at all as he shoved me once again against the wall behind me, shaking me slightly.

"Then you’re really dumb! Is that what you think of Yongguk-hyung? You think he would become jealous of all the girls and boys around you? As if! He knows he’s way better than each one of them and he certainly wouldn’t hurt someone who’s never done something to any of us or to the school! I thought that at least you knew this!

– I thought so as well!

– I did see the bruises on the boy's body! It's me who found him yesterday!! IN A LOCKER!

– ...Wh-…What?" I choked in surprise, in the end I was the one who knew nothing.

"Don't presume things Junhong-ah!" Saying this he released me and left, leaving me alone in that dark empty room.

Fuck. What have I just done? It was the occasion to tell him how much I had missed him and all the things I wanted to tell him. I could have done a hundred different things to him, among all those solutions I had come to him to yell at him. Jongup-hyung was right, I was stupid.

At the intercourse I went too meet the gang with which I spent lot of my time lately. I wasn’t going to let them get away with it this time. “Eh! Jun! Too bad you left early yesterday. You would have liked how the boy screamed and cried” the leader greeted me laughing and others commented.

"He said you wouldn't be a part of our gang, that you were different from us!

– Maybe he thought you were gay as well!

– What a queer! He wants your dick up his ass!” the leader added bursting in laughter as if it was the funniest thing on earth. I was now near enough to grab him by his collar and to pin him against the lockers. “You-

– Junhong?” I didn’t have the time to add anything because of Daehyun-hyung’s voice cutting in, did he know what I was about to do? My position was clearly screaming to any eyes witnessing us that I would beat him up –and down– but I wasn’t that stupid. I turned my head to look at my hyung without releasing that son of a bitch. “Is there any problem?” Daehyun-hyung asked me glaring at each member –who were looking down to their feet– while he was approaching us.

“No… it’s nothing hyung…” I released the other and looked back at him, “let’s meet at five, same place as usual” I warned him and left, no forgetting to pat Daehyun-hyung’s shoulder while I walked back to my classroom.

 

This was the straw that broke the camel’s back, I decided I had enough information about each one of the members of the gang. On my way to the meeting place after classes I called Himchan-hyung. "Hyung?

– Junhong?

– Hyung. You remember where my locker is, right? You need to go there and take the black book inside. My locker’s password is Yongguk-hyung's birthday. Inside that book you'll find something I hope will be useful for you.

– What-" I hung up as I had reached the gymnasium shed. I opened it and my whole body froze entirely, from head to toe, at the sight of what was in front of me.

 

"You like it faggot? That’s the things you do thinking about Junhong, right? Oh! Jun! You want to try? Hey faggot, look your hero has come." The leader laughed pointing a finger at me after he pushed a pen into Dongyeon’s ass. The poor boy was completely nude, tied up; preventing him to defend himself and the tissue in his mouth was preventing him to scream for help.

Without loosing anymore time, I ran and burst into the group, breaking them apart, making some fall on the ground. I hurried myself to help Dongyeon, to release him from his shackles but the others were faster. We fought, exchanging some fists and kicks, but I was outnumbered. No matter how strong I had become, I couldn’t fight alone against six.

"What's wrong with you?" the leader yelled at me, giving me a last kick after I fell to the ground and while another was tying me up.

"I have enough of your silly games! It had never been pleasant or funny!

– Is that so? Did you fall for this fag?" He walked to Dongyeon, stepping with a foot onto his side and kicking him so Dongyeon rolled onto his back. "It's your fault if Jun betrayed us! You made him become a fag like you, you’re happy now?" He asked as he kept kicking him, I looked at the scenery with wet eyes, unable to do anything to help him and I felt so useless.

"What do you think you’re doing?!” I burst as loudly as I could; hoping someone would hear even if classes were done and almost everybody had already left. I still hoped that Yongguk-hyung would be doing his rounds, also trying to stop the leader with the only thing that was left to me in that position, my voice.

But he didn't give attention to me and he grabbed a few other pens which he pushed into the boy, one after the other, Dongyeon’s eyes were closed but still tears were leaving it and rolling down his face. While he did so the band gathered around them and kicked him from all sides, in his chest and also against his head, soon he wasn’t moving anymore and I feared the worst.

"YAH!! YOU!! STOP IT!! Can’t you see he’s not moving anymore!!" I screamed closing my eyes, as if it would help to get my voice louder. I don’t think I would hate myself more than in this right instant, I had accused Yongguk-hyung of a crime he wasn’t responsible of and I couldn’t even protect that boy who had looked up at me.

Suddenly I heard the shed door opening and light spread into the dark shed, my back was facing the entrance and couldn't see who it was but it wasn’t that hard to guess with the gang’s scared reaction.

"What the fuck is going on here?" his deep voice asked calmly and I heard him stepping into the room. "Who gave you the permission to be here?" he asked again stepping past me and walking to the gang. Now I could see his back and he had never looked that cool than in this right instant.

Other steps followed his and soon Daehyun-hyung was crouching next to me, untying me. Yongguk-hyung glanced at me and I felt my heart missing a beat when our eyes met, even if it didn’t last longer than a nanosecond. By now all my hyungs were surrounding the gang –and Dongyeon on the floor– "Do you think I'm here to see you fucking this boy? LOOSE IT!" the whole gang jumped up at the shout and the leader hurried to remove all the pens from the boy, that’s only then that I realized none of it had a cap. Probably because whatever was making him suffer was gone, Dongyeon was slightly getting back to his mind.

I got up to come stand at Yongguk-hyung’s side, while the leader was about to stand up straight again, Yongguk-hyung kicked him with his foot making him stumble and fall on the ground before stepping on his leg. The leader whimpered but Yongguk-hyung hushed him, like someone would to a kid who hurt himself. "Oh no, don't think I'm done with you yet. " and I saw my hyung leaning with all his weight on the leader’s leg.

"Hyung… I'm sorry I doubted you." I said to Yongguk-hyung looking at his face but he completely ignored me.

"How long do you think I was after you? Huh?! Do you think I wasn’t aware of all the crap you did, blaming me for the shit you did…" So that was the main reason of Yongguk-hyung’s anger. I had the hope it would at least be a bit about not having me by his side, but I guess all this was just in my fantasy world. Even if I didn’t approve of what the gang did, I wasn’t sure it was worth the treatment my hyungs had prepared for them. I do remember well about Kyubong and the fact that only Daehyun-hyung had been taking care of him. Now that all my hyungs were here, I didn’t even want to imagine what they were able to do.

Contrary to what people thought, I had never seen them being as bad or as horrible as what others said. It may be just a rumor my hyungs had set up to have control over the school, but somehow, deep inside myself, I knew it could be true. I held Yongguk-hyung’s sleeve. "Let me take care of him Hyung…

– Get your boy and get the hell out.This isn´t your business." He finally answered me, so it wasn’t a dream. I hadn’t died and I wasn’t a ghost. He could hear me and feel me. My grip on his sleeve got tighter and he looked at me. I saw he was suddenly worried about what was happening to me but it wasn’t the time to speak or to worry about me, nor even to rejoice about my meeting with him.

"It is..." I said with a broken voice even if I tried to make myself look stronger, it was totally a fail, I couldn’t. Not when he was looking at me with those eyes. But soon he wasn’t looking at me anymore, he leaned forward and I followed him, unable to release him. He pulled up the boy’s pants and held him in his arms –making me feel quite jealous– before standing back and handing him over to me, forcing me this way to let go of him.

"Not any more." His voice was softer and almost caring, "your boy needs to be treated." He rested his hand on my shoulders and made me turn around toward the door, giving me a slight push in the back to make me take the first step.

I walked out of the shed and I turned around to look at him one last time. But I couldn’t look at him because someone was in the way, Himchan-hyung had followed me and he was smiling softly to me. I blinked at him and I saw he had my book in his right hand, I smiled back at him and he closed the door.

I didn't think it was possible to hear screams that deafening... I couldn't imagine what they were doing inside and I didn't really want to know. The boy in my arms started shaking and I looked at him, he was clinging onto me, his arms around my neck and his eyes glued to the shed’s closed door. "They won't harass you anymore." I reassured him, trying to smile when he looked at me, surprised I was there even though I was the one holding him. Apparently he hadn’t realized this sooner and his face turned a complete shade of red while his gaze fell to his knees.

I took him to the infirmary with the hope the nurse would still be there. It’s only once inside, I understood Himchan-hyung may have asked her to stay just in case of anything happening because of how she tried to take care of my bruises which weren’t as bad as ones of the boy in my arms. She probably was afraid of getting yelled at if she didn’t take care my bruises, but I managed to make her change her mind. I could wait, but Dongyeon was seriously injured. Finally, she pushed me aside so she could take care of him after I set him down on a bed. She closed the curtain surrounding it and I waited for her to be done. When she opened the curtain she allowed me to stay only the time for her to call the emergency and for them to get there because Dongyeon needed to be hospitalized. I nodded, frowning and grabbed a chair to sit next him, I took his hand in my own and he opened his tired eyes to look at me.

"I'm sorry." I said, my head hanging low and holding his hands tighter as I felt my throat tightening. I kept repeating how sorry I was until he put a hand on my head, making me look up at him.

"You..." his voice was weak but I could see he was trying his best to speak up. I stopped apologizing so he didn’t have to force on his voice, and looked at him, waiting. "You came to save me..." he smiled and it broke my heart, how could he? I hadn’t been able to do anything for him, I wasn’t worth that smile.

"I didn't know they would attack you. I didn't know they would attack you yesterday either. I'm so sorry I hadn’t been there sooner."

He shook his head, I could see there were more things he wanted to say but he seemed too tired to do so. He closed his eyes and soon fell asleep. I stayed by his side until the ambulance attendants came to take him to the hospital.

Once they took him, I went back to the shed but no one was there anymore, the only reminder left, was a pool of blood on the floor... I wanted to help, but for now there weren’t that many things I could do. So I looked around for some chlorine bleach and I started to clean the place until there weren’t any stains left. I even went as far as to burn my clothes as there were bloodstains on them, part of it being from dongyeon´s blood and probably some mix of the gang members blood that had been on the ground as well. I used the same hole in the sand Yongguk-hyung had used during the girls painting incident. While looking at the fire erasing any clues left from this world about what could have happened, I tried at the same time to erase it from my memory. I didn’t need this. I had to focus on Yongguk-hyung and nothing else.

 

The week which followed, Dongyeon was resting at the hospital and none of my hyungs came back to school, Daehyun-hyung didn't come back home either. I tried to call each one of them on their phone, I even tried Yongguk-hyung’s one, but none of them answered.

While I was left to be ignored, I didn´t want to be useless and just sitting around while waiting for them to come back, so I took care of the school on the behalf of Yongguk-hyung. I knew how he proceeded; it reminded me of the time we did it together, when he was teaching me how to do it. Left alone, it reinforced my conviction that I wanted and needed him. I wanted to stroll around the school with him after classes; I needed to have him only for me for a few hours.

One day I was making my round, checking every empty classroom, I realized that I had come to like this school as much as Yongguk-hyung did, and I wanted to protect it, not only to please Yongguk-hyung, but because I loved to do it, it made me feel complete. When I was doing my new daily duty, a car was waiting for me outside of the school. Daejung knew what I was up to, I had had to tell him, and only for the reason that I wasn’t in the company of Yongguk-hyung he allowed me to stay this late but I wasn’t allowed to come home alone. Also, he told me I could do this only for the time my Hyung wasn’t back to school.

 

"I wonder how it feels to go to school…" one of my maids said while she was storing my clothes in my closet.

"You never went to school?" I looked surprised at her from my bed, my homework on my lap.

“No.” She flashed a sad smile to me before closing my closet and approached my bed to sit next me. “I learned here with the master." She said holding up one of my book and I smiled back at her.

"Oh… and is Daejung a good teacher?" I chuckled as I could barely imagine the boss of the mafia to be teaching little kids how to read and write.

 

Even though he called them ‘things’, Daejung did really care for them, it didn´t matter to him that they were sluts or maids. One evening we had one of those father-son conversations, he confessed to me that he had to consider them as things because he didn’t want to get attached to them. As the mafia boss, he was living a dangerous life in which he could lose everything at any moment, he had already lost Daehyun-hyung’s mother and only had his son left. He put all his attention on him but he was only a human, he could give that much to one person only. If ever Daehyun-hyung came to be kidnapped against a ransom, he would be able to give up on everything he had, his territory, his power and his life to get his son back, but that was his limit. So if one of his ‘things’ came to be kidnapped, he wouldn’t do anything and let them die.

“Please Junhong. Love them for me. Of course they're human and need love, but I can't offer it to them and you can. So please, don’t restrain yourself from doing so.”

I nodded at his request and he hugged me. First I never dared to hug him back, but slowly I got used to it, and I slipped my arms around him. I closed my eyes and let myself dream that I had a father like him. He pulled away and rested his palms on my cheeks, smiling warmly at me, “I will confess something else to you” he started and leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “All my son’s friends are considered as my own sons.” This last confession brought tears to my eyes and I couldn’t refrain myself from jumping on him.

“Thank you Daejung-ssi

– You can call me dad if you want.” He chuckled but I shook my head.

“I don’t really have a good vision of my father so I don’t want to call you Dad.” I said and he nodded to show me he understood my feelings and that it wasn’t to hurt him, or at least not on purpose.

 

This being said, I wouldn’t disobey him, I couldn’t, not when he was considering me as a son, I didn’t want to deceive him the same I could have with my own father. I wouldn’t do the same mistake over again, so I decided I would just respect his choice and wait for him to allow me to go back to Yongguk-hyung. Every day I kept asking him if it was the day I could act on Yongguk-hyung but each time I asked this question I got the same answer, a shake of his head commented with a “not yet.”

 

After this week passed by, Dong Yeon and my hyungs came back. As promised to Daejung, I didn’t go to greet them, only watching them from afar and from this point they looked like nothing ever happened. So I decided to do the same. I was in the corridor speaking with Minrin when I saw Dongyeon coming our way and it reminded me of something I needed to do. "Go ahead to class I'll come after you." I said to her and walked to him, grabbing him gently by his wrist I pulled him into a deserted corridor. He looked at me with round eyes and I released him. "There's something I need to tell you.

– What is it Hyung?” he asked me smiling and I blinked at him. It was something weird to hear someone else calling me the same way I called others. This time I was on the other side and I had this sort of feeling that I had to protect that boy. Was it the same Yongguk-hyung had felt toward me?

"I didn´t answer your letter yet…" I said bowing my head slightly at him as an apologize, usually I would write them back but I guess I was at ease enough around this boy to reply him directly. He pinched his lips without answering me and simply nodded, looking at me expectantly. "I'm glad you have feelings for me, but I already have someone I love." I did think that I could have used him to make Yongguk-hyung jealous and to make him react somehow so I would get him back to me. But in the end, no matter how much I loved Yongguk-hyung, I couldn’t do something as heartless as playing with someone else’s feelings.

"Oh... okay ... I think I understand..." he replied, his voice slightly shaking as if he was on the edge to cry. I blinked at him and I saw his wet eyes before he dropped his head forward, hiding his face from me but then I noticed his shaking shoulders, as if he was holding back his tears. It caught me by surprise and I didn’t know how to react, I had never made someone cry before.

“Don’t… don't cry. That doesn't mean we won't see each other nor talk to each other." I took him in my arms and once again was surprised by his thin body, sure he was shorter than me but I felt … manly next to him. Did he saw me like I saw Yongguk-hyung? Then I wondered how I would have reacted to Yongguk-hyung telling me those same words… I made him plunge his face in my chest and patted his head. "I like you DongYeon.”

The words had barely left my mouth that I heard a thug like sound at the end of the corridor. I looked toward there and my mouth dropped when I saw Yongguk-hyung standing at the other end of it, a stack of books lying at his feet. He was watching us and I pulled away from Dongyeon, my eyes stuck on Yongguk-hyung, unable to look elsewhere.

The look in his eyes … it broke my heart. Never before had I seen him this vulnerable and I doubted anyone did. I wanted to scream to him that it wasn’t what he was thinking about but somehow, something was preventing me to, I was unable to make any move or even to say anything. A silence filled the empty corridor and we heard the bell ringing.

"Hyung?" I looked back at DongYeon who was shaking my arm.

"Go to your class DongYeon-ah." I ruffled his hair and glanced at Yongguk-hyung who hadn't moved an inch and I turned my back to him to rush to my own class. I had this History teacher who had kicked me out of class once and if I came –even a second– late, I would be done for good.

For the rest of the day I didn't see Yongguk-hyung again, not even during the lunch time and I stayed the whole break at the cafeteria, wondering what I should do. Should I go talk to him? Should I not? Daejung’s voice was telling me to let it go on one side and on the other one, my heart was aching, not wanting Yongguk-hyung to suffer this way because of me. But again, wasn’t it figment of my own imagination trying to please myself thinking it could be cause of a non-existing feeling toward me.

At the last class I had, I still hadn’t come up with a solution but it looked like I didn’t have to worry myself anymore, Yongguk-hyung was there, waiting for me at the door of my classroom getting everybody’s attention.

I sighed inwardly at his foolness and I resolved myself to face him until it was time for me to pack my things. But then, Daejung’s words came back to my mind again, I didn’t want to be sent to another country; in some place I wouldn’t be able to see Yongguk-hyung ever again… I gathered my stuff as slowly as I could, waiting for everybody to be gone. Wonshik and Minrin understood what I was doing and they did the same. When everybody had left, I passed by Yongguk-hyung. "Junhong we need to talk." He said but did nothing to stop me, I got a chill on my back hearing his deep voice and how serious he sounded, but what if I talked to him. It could solve everything as it could end it all in one go if ever Daejung came to hear about it.

"Ah yeah? Too bad I have nothing to talk about with you." I avoided looking at him to not concede and I kept walking.

I walked further down the corridor with Wonshik and Minrin before Yongguk-hyung caught up with us. He faced us and this time stopped me putting a hand on my chest, preventing me to move further. Even though there were clothes in between his skin and mine, my heart started to pound faster and I wondered if he could feel it, probably, because he frowned staring at me.

"Let me go. I don't have anything to say to you.

– I have.

– I don't want to listen.

– Ah yeah? Too bad you will though." he glared at my friends "you should leave now" he simply said, yet without trying to hide the threat behind those words. I heard them gulping but each of them held each of my hand in their own. Even if they were scared, I knew they would stay by my side, and try to protect me.

"Go ahead. I'll catch you up.” I said, making them release me and they nodded their heads slowly.

"Don't wait for Junhong. We have a lot to talk about." Yongguk-hyung grabbed my wrists tightly and pulled me away before I could say anything else to my friends.

"Hyung! Let go of me! You're hurting me! I'll follow you so just let me go!" I pulled back on my arms but he didn't listen to a single word of what I was saying.

He finally released me once we were in the basement, the others were there too. Yongguk-hyung threw me inside making me bump into his chair and he stood there, in between me and the exit, his arms crossed over his chest glaring down at me. A silence followed before Himchan-hyung broke it.

"Wow… it's this late already?" he cleared his voice making his way to the door, followed by Youngjae-hyung and Daehyun-hyung. Jongup-hyung was the last, he stopped at the door turning back toward me, silently asking me if I would be alright, to which I replied with a nod and he left.

When they were all gone, Yongguk-hyung uncrossed his arms and walked toward me so I moved backward trying to get away from his evil aura but only ended by falling sit on his chair.

"So… how’s your new boyfriend?

– New? I never had one before…” I mumbled looking away but by now he was near enough to hold me by my chin and made me look back at him.

“Are you two happy like this?

– He's cute and he loves me a lot. Of course, nothing can make me happier.

– So you really accepted him?

– Why wouldn’t I?

– Because you already have someone.

– Who?

– Me." He said it with such a serious face, I almost fell for it. I laughed and he frowned making me stop. I looked back at him with the same frown he was giving me.

"I don't have you. You left me! You threw me away like an old sock!

– I hadn’t told you to never come back ever again. Did I?

– WHAT?" I was amazed. How could he turn everything in his favor?  "YOU! YOU TOLD YOUNGJAE-HYUNG TO NOT LET ME IN HIS HOUSE!  I HAD NO WHERE TO GO!

– You were supposed to go back to your mother.

– ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DID YOU FORGET WHAT SHE DID AND SAID TO ME?

– I hadn’t. You loved her so much and you had to make a choice: her or me.

– WHAT'S THIS SHIT?

– I needed you to be sure of your choice so you would never regret it.

– WHAT COULD I REGRET?

– …to leave your family by moving in with me." I went silent for a moment, staring at him in front me.

"WH-... What are you talking about?" I suddenly lost any capacity to scream after him, I was finally getting the explanation of why he had let me down.

"Because after you would have moved in I would never let you go." He leaned toward me and I moved backward, pressing my back further into the chair’s backrest, trying to keep a safe distance between us. I had nowhere to escape; he was leaning over me, both of his hands resting on each armrest on my sides, enclosing me.

I looked at his face and his eyes were plunged in mine, I could feel his hot breath against my face and for one second I tried to imagine, what it would feel like to succumb, to let everything go, how easy it would be. But at the moment I closed my eyes, all the time I spent alone came back to my mind. I wasn’t his thing or a toy he could play and throw away when he would grow tired of. I opened my eyes again and started beating his chest, pushing him and kicking him but he didn’t move from an inch. He stayed calmed staring at me.

"YOU CAN'T! YOU CAN'T ACT AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED! YOU CAN'T ACT AS IF IT WAS NOTHING!

– What happened then?

– What?" and I made the mistake to stop beating him, staring back into his eyes.

"If it wasn't what happened... tell me what really happened.

– ... you ... you threw me away!  WHEN YOU WERE SICK OF ME!! AND NOW YOU WANT ME BACK AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED IN THE MEANWHILE?!

– Don't scream Junhong-ah." He warned me softly moving a hand to caress my cheek.

"You can't play with me like this!” I replied with a broken voice, I was completely worn out and unable to keep up the fight, tired of it, tired of everything.

“Really?

– You can't!

– I don't see anything which would prevent me not to.

– I'm not your toy..." I said sadly and he smiled to me.

"You're not." By every second, his face was coming nearer to mine and now it was so close that I could feel his hot breath on my lips .

"I am not your thing either!

– You're neither my toy nor my thing” he repeated after before adding a “... Zelo.” and he made the distance left between our lips become ... zero.


	44. First Kiss

**3RD POINT OF VIEW**

 

When two people like each other and the chemistry is strong between them, they tend to feel the need to show the other how much they care for him. With the feeling that spending a life time trying to fill that endless gap of affection shower would never be enough, so their love demonstration is endless, until death separates them…

The lover’s lips were resting against each other, time freezing while the needles of the watch kept ticking. Living the moment fully in that right instant, they both knew it was a scene that would remain in their mind for the rest of their life. It may not be the first experience of the elder, but it sure was the first time he felt such a strong reaction from a kiss as chaste and as simple as the one he was having. For the younger,he felt like he could die in that right moment, experiencing something as beautiful for the first time; a firework was happening in his mind, making it blur because of the smoke, so our young boy was unable to think straight and this, for the whole time their lips were connected.

Eventually, he was the one to break the kiss, feeling no reaction from the other one, he wondered if he was alright and he began to worry when he saw the face his young lover was making. Did he do it right or wrong? But could he even use such adjectives for this situation? It would be wiser to figure out whether it was the right time to do it. Maybe his new lover would have wanted their first kiss to be more romantic than in the basement of a school, after months of ignoring each other. But on the other end, he did think it would be the better way to make up… Truth to be told, he hadn’t thought at all about what he had been doing. It had only been him and this boy’s soft lips. He had got hypnotized by it, unable to keep up the conversation they were having when he decided he wanted to claim those lips.

He slipped his hand in those soft and curly locks, he had always loved them and this gesture brought a nostalgic feeling to him, yet it was a good one, a gesture the younger had assimilated as a reassuring one, also a way for the other to show that he cared. So he did care.

“Why did you kiss me?

– Because I wanted to.

– Don’t do such things…” the blonde boy said, his broken voice bringing tears to his eyes, or maybe it was the uneasiness in his chest, or the endless believes that his love had always been an one-sided love from the beginning.

“Why?

– Because it hurts…” he said bringing a hand to his chest, fisting his shirt where his heart had been before it had scattered into millions pieces months ago.

“Why does it hurt?” he asked bringing his own hand to cover his little boy’s cold one, warming it while he was searching for an answer in the other’s eyes.

“Because I love you… I love you so much… it hurts.” The tears finally started falling, rolling down the once chubby cheeks, making the consignee of the confession smile from happiness. But it was such a shame; he always thought he was the man in the couple, so he should have been the one to confess first. “It hurts so much.” His head dropped making his tears fall on his lap before the elder in front of him held him caringly by his chin to make him look back up to him.

“It shouldn’t hurt, it should make you happy. So please don’t be hurt.” He tried to convey his own feelings which was something he had never done before, this was the very first time he felt the pressure on his shoulders with the feeling that he shouldn’t mess up this time, he didn´t have the right to make any mistakes, he had to deliver it right and to do it well.

“I can’t… not when I know you will never love me back the way I want you to.

– What do you know about that?” he frowned and cupped his new little lover's face in his big hands, rubbing his wet cheeks to dry them with both his thumbs. “I love you Junhong.” In the end, his feelings had been delivered well, the young boy finally understood. His eyes widened hearing this news and the firework moved from his brain to his stomach, passing by his chest, heating his body from head to toe. “I love you so much; I want to make you happy.” This being said, he approached the others face to peck his little nose before moving to his lips. It were addictive lips, for both of them.

He couldn’t handle it anymore, he had to do something, and he couldn’t simply sit here and receive  everything. Eventually, he moved his hands up and grabbed the first thing he could hang on which happened to be his elder’s shirt. He held it that tight his knuckles turned white, and he let himself close his eyes, to concentrate on their lips and their lips only. Something he couldn’t do with the other staring at him while they had their face that near to each other.

He followed his elder who, of course, was more experienced than he was, trying to follow the movements of his lips on his own. He got startled and tried to push him away when he felt something wet against his lips, almost slipping in his mouth, it took him by surprise but the other held him still so he couldn’t move. He knew it was his first kiss but he didn’t stop here, he couldn’t withdraw now, he wanted it. So after making sure he wouldn’t move again, he tried again, he licked first the upper lip before, slowly and inch by inch, slipping his tongue into the other’s mouth, poking his little tongue hiding inside. It’s at that moment he closed his eyes, and at the same moment the younger opened his, wondering what he could be doing. Why was he doing such a disgusting thing?

But after a short moment, he quite got used to this weird feeling of having two tongues in his mouth, one he was the master of and the other belonging to another owner. He almost came to the conclusion he liked it, was he trying to convince himself because he loved its owner or was it really something he liked to do? He didn’t know, his mind still wasn’t working well, it really wasn't easy to come to any right conclusion in this state.

When time came they both needed to breath, he broke the kiss, slightly panting he kept pecking those soft little and addictive lips, still his eyes closed which he opened only after the nth peck. He offered the younger a soft smile which brought more tears to him; he blinked at such a reaction wondering what he had just done wrong right now. “Why are you crying Junhong-ah?

– I don’t know … I don’t know if I’m sad because of everything that happened and scared you might be playing with me, or if I’m happy to be by your side.

– Maybe it’s both at the same moment.” He chuckled shaking his head, petting the younger’s head.

“How can I be sad and happy at the same time…” the younger pouted, not amused by whatever his elder was finding funny. But he didn't have the time to sulk further because his pouting lips got taken in hostage again; he blinked at his elder who was nipping his lips playfully.

“The same you can be hurt and feel pleasure at the same time.

– I’m not that weird…” the young boy looked at his elder as if he just turned crazy. Apparently, whatever he would say in that right moment would make him laugh so he decided he would simply not talk anymore. If it was to be laughed of, he would better not open his mouth anymore.

As he wore an amused smile on his features, the elder stood up and made his way toward the exit, humming a melody to himself before turning round to his young love when he noticed he wasn’t following him. What he saw then wasn’t what he would have expected. Fear could be read upon the boy’s face, no matter how comfortable the chair he was sitting in was, it wasn’t the reason why he wasn’t moving. He was scared. While he had looked at his elder’s back moving away from him, all his fears came back to his mind, and he was too frightened to move a single muscle, not even his tongue to ask him where he was going or to plead him to never leave him ever again. He couldn’t do any of that.

“I’d like to stay here with you, but we have to go” he said reaching out a hand for the other, inviting him to stand up and to follow him.

“To where?” he asked, but he still stood up, as if his body was reacting on his own to the hand held to him. He was less scared, thanks to this hand. The boy didn’t think about anything until his own hand reached his new love’s one and his fingers wrapped themselves tightly around the hand too big for him to hold as tight as he wished to.

He smiled looking at their hands and held them with his other hand so he could intertwine their fingers instead of having that little boy crushing his hand. Doing this, he made that boy look up to him but once their eyes met, the blonde boy looked away, pink coloring his cheekbones. No other words were being said from this moment until they were out in the corridors.

 

Usually, this time was being spent strolling through the school’s corridors, but he had something else on his mind. There was something he had to show to his boyfriend. His own cheeks turned pink as well thinking about this word, because it was what they were now, right? He could use that word shamelessly without sounding like a selfish prick because it was a statute they had both agreed to have when they exchanged kisses earlier.

Reaching the elder’s locker, he put his little love in front of it and asked him to guess the password to open it. Without losing any time to think about it, the boy entered his birthday date, it was as if he had always known, at least it was what he had hoped for it to be. How happy he was when the ‘bip’ could be heard and the door opened. He wanted to turn round and kiss that man he would never get bored of, but he was too stunned by what was inside of the locker. The boy did have hoped for the password to be the one he thought, but never, oh never, would he have dared to imagine such things to be decorating the inside of that locker.

Pictures of the young boy were hung here and there, it were pictures of him when he had been alone in that room, sleeping on the dirty ground, or when he had been living with his slut tutor. “I had been waiting for you” he whispered in the young boy’s ear while he slipped his arms around his waist to back hug him, making his boyfriend cry again. They stayed there and in that position until the boy calmed down, his elder had done nothing to soothe him, because there was nothing he could do, nor that he wanted to. If there were still tears inside that little body, they needed to come out so he could fill him out with smiles and laughter instead.

Feeling the hot and calm breath against his ear, he could calm down, without forgetting the strong arms holding him like the most precious jewel. “Welcome back Zelo-yah” he closed his eyes, since the first time he had loved that nickname, finally he got his strength back, and he could raise his hand to rest it on the locker’s door to close it, and slowly, he locked their love inside.

They walked slowly side by side, both of them lost in their own thoughts while they were doing their patrol. Passing many rooms, they entered an empty classroom, it could have been one like any other but it wasn’t and the boy had always been curious as to what this one room could have looked like. Being empty like it was right now, it was the same as any other classroom of the school.

His lover lead him to a chair and made him sit down, the last table next the radiator. He looked up to his elder, wondering what he was doing, but his question got answered before he could ask. “This is Himchan’s place” he said pointing to where the boy was sitting and he sat next him, “and this is mine”.

The young boy smiled and he kept staring at the man he had spent most of his time to look from afar. He followed his elder’s gaze and looked at the clean black board. He wondered what his hyung would be like during class time, but he could barely imagine him following even one class. He looked so smart to him that he wouldn’t need to follow any of it. Looking back at his elder he asked him “what are you thinking about, right now, hyung?

– About you, about how it would feel like to be in your class, and about how the teachers and other students treat you…” he replied still staring at the board which made his little love smile as he also looked back at the board.

“I was thinking about the same thing.

– I know.” He chuckled.

They stayed in the classroom, he stood up and walked to the board, standing behind the teacher’s desk, he admired his lover from where he was. So this is what the professor would feel like when looking at that one special student. “What do I look like from here Hyung?” he chuckled imagining himself being his elder’s professor.

“Don’t worry, from near or afar, your beauty isn’t tarnishing even a bit.” He chuckled and could clearly see the young boy blushing from where he was sitting.

“Hyuuuuuuung, I’m asking about me being a teacher!

– Hmm, you want to be a teacher?

– I don’t really know,” he shrugged, “I never really thought about it. I just want to have a simple life and to live with the one I love.” He smiled sweetly to his lover who nodded in answer.

“I will give you that life; you deserve to be happy. Be mine from now on and until your last breath” He said with insurance but didn’t get the reaction he expected from his blonde little love. He frowned without giving a reply to this confession. “What?

– I thought I would be really happy to hear that from you Hyung…

– But?

–…but I keep thinking about Daehyun’s father.

– What about him?” this time it was his turn to frown as he remembered well the threat this man had made about the young boy.

“He keeps saying it’s not the time.

– What do you think about it?

– I don’t know…” here again he shrugged, emphasizing his words with his body talk, “but I want to follow what he says to me, I don’t want him to send me to another country.

– I’m not scared of Daejung!” he burst hitting his fist against the table as he stood up and the young boy startled, suddenly scared, yet feeling glad he wasn’t standing too near the other at the moment.

“It’s not only that,” he shook his head, holding himself on the teacher’s desk in front him to not show the other his shaking hands, “he’s the only one I can trust for now and I don’t want to deceive him.

– You don’t trust me?

– We shouldn’t be talking about this Hyung… let’s go.” He smiled to his elder and walked toward the door, wanting to be out of it as fast as possible. The other urged himself to follow after him, he wasn’t about to drop this conversation. He grabbed him by his shoulders before pinning him against a locker “you don’t trust me?

– I want to trust you Hyung…” he said looking down, and his scary boyfriend held his chin up.

“Then trust me” they looked at each other until the boy decided it was too much for him. He broke the contact and looked around to comment.

“It’s calm…” he said softly and forced a smile while he fisted his hands, trying to make them stop trembling, “it’s the MAMA I always dreamed about.”

Seeing the boy looking so calm right now, he softened and released him. He looked around, staring at the empty corridors. Sure, now he thought about it, as the gang was gone, the school had turned back into its usual calm self. Looking down at his hands, he wondered when he had relapsed. It’s not what he wanted to do with the boy, he wanted to protect him with these hands, yet, it were the same hands that had hurt and threaten him seconds ago. He looked up to his little love when the last one held his hand, “let’s go Hyung” and he wondered.

How could he smile and pull on his arm to make him walk while his hands were shaking like this. He had just done what he had wished to never do but it was too late to turn time back now. He followed him in silence until they arrived in front of the director’s office.

“How do you know my mother?” he asked bluntly out of the blue and his elder hadn’t been ready to hear such a question. He hesitated, unsure about many things. Should he tell him? Was he ready to hear the reason behind his and his brother’s hate?

But the young boy just confessed to him he wanted to trust him so he had to tell him the truth. Not entirely, but just what he asked about, something that would sound like being enough for now. “She used to be my father’s girlfriend.

– Hmm…” he hummed pensively, far from imagining that the time his lover was speaking him about had happened the same time she had been with his father already. But he hadn’t asked when, just how, and he got his answer. “Why do you hate her so much?” He had pried for him to not ask this question, but apparently there were no gods out there to hear it, and he couldn’t help it. Of course he would want to know, he simply wasn’t ready to hear it. He looked at him with sad eyes, and the boy kept on “I mean, I think I can understand why you would hate the woman trying to replace your mother… but that much… you…” he looked away and his hands started shaking again, “you raped her” he whispered in a breath, his throat too tight for this much words to say, “and your brother… he made my father lose his job… this is too much for simple jealousy” his eyes were wet and the elder tightened his big hand over his, trying to stop it from shaking.

“Do you hate us? My brother and me?” he asked without replying to the boy’s question yet, before that he needed to know. If he would hate them, then he wouldn’t tell him about his mother. If he found the strength to forgive him he would find the strength to forgive his parents if he had to. So in the end, he wouldn’t be alone, there would be him or his parents, and he knew that this little boy needed one of the two at least.

Truth had to be told, he wanted the boy to choose him as he wanted him for himself. His happiness was what was more important. The boy shook his head “I don’t think I can even though I tried and had all the reasons to, but I can’t. I love you too much, it’s not reversible.”

It were too sweet words for even someone as virile as him to not succumb, he pulled the little body into his arms, “I’ll tell you why… but not now please. You’re not ready to hear about it,” he whispered and the boy widened his eyes, wondering what on earth could prevent him from just saying it. Horrible images were coming to his mind, but he shook his head and nodded to his hyung before hugging him back. He decided he would trust him with this.

They walked back to the basement once they were done and laid down on the sofa to snuggle together. As they were spending free time together without speaking, they held each other’s hand and finished by comparing the size of them. The young boy’s fingers barely reached the last phalanges of the elder’s ones.

Resting his head against his lover’s shoulder, he brought his fingers to his lips, caressing them, “today I had my first kiss” he confessed blushing, which made a victorious grin appear on his boyfriend’s face.

“Of course I had to be your first,” and the boy chuckled.

“I wanted you to be my first…”

Speaking about it, he wondered if anyone already tried to steal his first kiss. He felt angry imagining Hyosung or anyone trying to, he managed to calm down on his own before his boyfriend would notice the dark aura around him. The image of this little boy refusing the kiss made him happy, because he had wanted him to be his first and no one else. After spending a certain amount of time, the boy stood up and his boyfriend caught his arm in a firm grip, “where are you going?

– I should be going, Daejung will wonder what I’m doing…”

He frowned and stood up as well, facing and towering the young boy, “stay with me, I will deal with Daejung, you don’t have to be scared of him.

– But right now you’re the one scaring me Hyung…” he said with a sad voice and look in his eyes. Raising his free hand, he held the boy’s other shoulder in it. “Junhong, I’m sorry, please stay…” he started begging him, something he had never done in his life but it didn’t work.

The boy shook his head. “What are you sorry for Hyung?” the questioned one looked at him and released him from his grip. “For breaking my family apart? For throwing me away after it? Or maybe you’re sorry for letting me down, or for the time I spent alone in that dark room?” he asked this time, unable to hold back the tears which were soon all over his face, tears which his elder wiped off his cheeks.

“For everything, I’m sorry for everything Junhong-ah, give me time, give me a chance to make it up” he kept pleading him but he knew now, it wasn’t working, his pleads weren’t reaching his lover’s heart.

“I need time too hyung…” now that he was free to go, he walked to the door turning his back to the only one he ever loved from the start, and the elder felt helpless, the first solution that came to his mind at this right moment, was to throw a fit because he didn’t like to be in that situation and it was the only way he had dealt with frustrating things until now. But he was determined to show him he could be someone good and who could control himself.

“You have to promise me you will come back when you’re ready, not when Daejung tells you but when you feel yourself that you’re ready!” He tried his luck out with this last plead.

“I’m sorry hyung” wasn’t what he wanted to say, of course he wanted to come back on his own, he felt himself being ready right now, so if he did that promise he wouldn’t be leaving. But what he couldn’t do, was to turn down the help he received from Daejung, or even to ignore it happened.

 

The blonde boy walked out of the school without turning around even once, he was worried about his hyung but he couldn’t stay. He was sure Daejung wouldn’t listen to any excuses from him if he spent too much time out and also he needed to be alone now, to progress everything that had happened and what he just learned. About his new boyfriend’s feelings for him, about his mother, everything was so much different than what he thought to be the truth.

He arrived at the main gate and his other hyungs were there, they looked at him worried, but he didn’t want them to be worried for him, he wanted them to go check on his lover.

“Junhong… are you okay?” he nodded and realized he’d kept crying only when Himchan wiped his tears. “Go, we’ll take care of him” Himchan reassured him and he whispered out a thank you before leaving.

He felt thankful to his hyungs for understanding him that good. Also at how good friends they were for staying just in case anything would happen and yet they had stayed away far enough to give the two the intimacy they needed.


	45. Going crazy

_****_

YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW

 

My hands turned into fists as he walked through the door and into the mini corridor to join the main one. I listened to the fading sound of his steps as he walked away from me. I shouldn’t have let him go, because now I wasn’t sure anymore if he would come back to me. After all he had everything he needed, friends, Daehyun’s father who acted like his own father and a boy deep in love with him, a boy who wouldn’t bring him as much problems as I did. It had barely started and it was already over.

Only when I couldn’t hear him anymore, I grabbed the first thing that I could lay my hand on to throw it against the door. Junhong belonged to me and there was no way I would let anyone take him away from me. I grabbed one screen that was hanging on the wall in front me and pulling on it with all my strength, I detached it and let it fall to the ground, letting it shatter into millions little pieces of glass. It was exactly what happened, Daejung had taken my boy away from me, with a threat as clumsy as sending him away. No way!

I kicked the table’s feet, breaking it and so, everything that was on it scattered over the floor. Looking at the pens rolling around, my eyes landed on the baseball bats which were lying in a corner of the room, making my way toward them, I grabbed one firmly and smashed it into the remaining screens on the wall. I didn’t need this shit; it had no meaning if I couldn’t have Junhong. It was okay for me to destroy everything in there, I had been the one building it. After the screens, my next target was the fridge, I opened the door and kicked it and hit it with the bat until it would fall down and so I destroyed it completely. With all this, I thought I could have everything in this world, whatever I always wanted, I got it.

Yet, this boy, this simple boy, who looked so easy to get because he was so hooked on me. I could clearly see it, the feelings he had for me, he hadn’t pushed me away, he wanted me, I knew it. But he wasn’t here, by my side, right now. What on earth was wrong with that boy? As pieces of the fridge flew around, I got something stuck into my hand and it started bleeding. While I looked down at my hand Junhong’s words echoed in my head,  right now you’re the one scaring me Hyung . I tightened my fist making more blood fall from it, dripping on the floor and tainting the carpet, he had been so damn right to be scared of me. Even though he had no idea how dangerous it had been for him to be that near to me while I was getting upset.

The more he had talked, the more he got me angry. Maybe he had left at the right moment. Would that mean that he was being right not to come back to me? What was I fucking missing for him to be right and me to be wrong then? Hadn’t I apologized? What else could I fucking do for him to understand my feelings? I wanted him and I needed him, right now…

Looking around, I searched for something I hadn’t destroyed yet and attacked it, the coffee table, the chairs and the sofa. Next things were simple closets and other stuffs, there should have been enough, but it wasn’t. I was still enraged even after there was no more stuff to break here. I tried to understand what was wrong, and it’s when I heard someone hitting against the door, Himchan’s voice asking me to open the door, that I understood. I had never dealt with annoying stuff like this. I got it or I broke it. If I couldn’t get Junhong, I had to break him.

I was staring at the door and I saw how Himchan broke it by kicking it, I also noticed how much blood there was after, both on the door and on his leg, and I doubt the door was the one which would be bleeding like this. I frowned and made my way towards it, pushing the fridge’s door which was preventing for the door to open, I had the intention to go after Junhong. I understood now the reason why Daejung didn’t want to let Junhong go. It was for the same reason I wanted him.

He wanted to keep the boy for him, but it didn’t work like this. I got the boy or no one did. I thought I would have been able to let Junhong go if ever he would have chosen his mother instead of me. But now I realized, I couldn’t have kept that promise. The boy was mine, and it looked like they all had a hard time to get this reality into their minds.

“Where are you going?” Himchan asked me, grabbing me by my arm as I walked past him, but I ignored him. I tried to leave but that was going to be hard with the others blocking my way out.

“Let me pass.” I warned them but they didn’t move even an inch.

“First you have to tell us what your intention is.” Jongup said as if it wasn’t obvious what my intention was.

“Where do you plan to go with that?” Daehyun asked me pointing to the bat in my hand, I looked at it and back to him.

“I’m going to bring back Junhong here of course.” When I replied they all pushed me back into the basement room and Youngjae helped Himchan to walk in with us.

“Yongguk, calm down, you don’t want to scare him.” Himchan tried to calm me while Jongup and Daehyun were holding each of my arms.

“I don’t plan on scaring him, if he’s smart, he’ll obey so he won’t have any reason to be scared.” I smirked to him and because he was keeping me busy, I didn’t notice Daehyun had been trying to take the bat from me, only noticing it when I didn´t have it in my hand anymore. So now he wasn’t hooked on me anymore, I could throw a fist at Jongup, making him dizzy for a moment, just enough for me to dash out.

But Youngjae released Himchan who fell on the ground and he jumped on my back, making me lose my balance as he pushed against the wall with his feet to make us fall backward. So I let myself fall upon him as he was the first to land on the floor covered with broken glass. The shock made him release me but I had no time to stand up as Daehyun was already on me, pinning me to the ground even as Youngjae was still laying under me.

“Get lost Daehyun! You and your fucking father!” I burst at him and it sounded like it didn’t please him, but his fist in my face didn’t please me either. Wriggling slightly, I managed to bend my knee so I could get it in between us and kick him away.

I would be okay now, but they were damn persistent. Now it was Himchan’s turn to be sitting astride upon me. “You don’t realize what you’re saying Bang! Junhong is nothing like us, you can’t be like this with him!” I had let him speak enough; I threw a fist at his face knowing perfectly that with Nam we had always prevented anyone to touch his face. But I couldn’t let him say stupid things. He got giddy so I could push him easily, this time I was the one to be sitting on him.

“If he didn’t want me to be like this, he shouldn’t have made me angry!” I burst at him and I hit his face again and again, without any rest. “Why didn´t he simply stay with me instead of using false excuses like he’s scared Daejung would send him oversea, huh?!” I think I heard the other yelling at me to stop but Himchan told them not to interfere. I looked at him with round eyes and grabbed him by his collar. “Why don’t you fight back?!” I muttered to his swollen face and he moved a hand to mine. I thought he would hit me but instead he let his hand rest on my cheek to caress it softly.

“I like more to be the one being hit instead of Junhong.” He smiled with his teeth covered with his own blood and I frowned at him.

“That’s stupid.” I muttered but released him nonetheless. He chuckled and sat up while I sat down next him.

“Ahhh, hyung! You’ll kill me one day!” Daehyun let out and I glared at him while he let himself fall on his back to lay on the ground while the others chuckled at his comment.

“It’s been so long since the last time it happened…” Youngjae said, since the moment he had fallen on his back, he had stayed still. I frowned looking at him; it’s true that it had been quite a while since we had fought till blood together.

“The last time was before Junhong joined us. I was against him coming to the basement and you didn’t agree with me…” Himchan chuckled while wiping his bleeding lips with the back of his hand and I looked at all of them with a bored face.

“You’re all hopeless” I muttered to them before holding my head to ruffle my hair.

“You’re the hopeless one hyung, as soon as Junhong joined us you died your hair back to black.” Jongup chuckled and I glared at him.

“It has nothing to do with him,” I mumbled “I was just bored with that color already.

– Wrong. Truth is you didn’t want people to think he was your younger brother because you had already this kind of feelings for him!” Daehyun pointed an accusing finger at me before shaking it in a ‘no’ motion, “what a pervert hyung.” I threw the first thing which I could lay my hand on at him which happened to be some salad from the broken fridge.

“Seriously hyung, look at this mess. We have to put everything back in order before Junhong comes back… We can’t let him see that!” Youngjae complained while sitting up which quite reassured me he hadn’t become paraplegic.

“What’s that?” Himchan asked moving to the sofa I had broke in two, inside there were a few bags of old weed we had hidden here when there had been an inspection in the whole school. “Woah… that’s nostalgic!” he laughed opening it and smelling it.

“Don’t be nostalgic over stuff like that, dummy!” I slapped the back of his head and took the bag from him, taking out the stuff I started to roll myself one reefer. It may had been a long time since I rolled one, but I guess it was like riding a bicycle, we never really forget how to. When I was done I noticed they were all looking at me with judging eyes.

“Hyung… didn´t you hear what I said? We have to clean everything!” Youngjae complained.

“It’s not the time to smoke some old weed!” Himchan added but by the look he was giving the reefer in my hand I guess he was quite tempted by it too.

“It’s perfectly the time for one! Give me that fucking bag hyung!” Daehyun also complained on his own way, reaching out his hands while I threw the bag to him.

“Hyungs…” Jongup shook his head and stood up as he started to gather all broken stuffs. He had never really liked it. I shrugged as I lightened mine and inhaled it. It felt so good, it was like all problems had disappeared and the only thing that was left was that light feeling. Even though I was lying on broken glass I felt like lying on a comfortable cloud, imagining a cloud could be consistent enough to lie on.

 

“So what happened with Junhong?” Himchan asked me when he was half his own reefer.

“Hmm… we kissed and strolled around the school… I confessed to him and promised to take good care of him, yet he doesn’t believe me…

– I think he does, we all know how much you cared for him so I think he got the thing too. What was annoying is that you kept denying it all this time… why?

– Nam.” I said and inhaled again. Strangely, I didn’t get annoyed with Himchan asking me questions about Junhong. It was more like I felt better now I was able to tell them how I felt. Or maybe it was just the weed…

Himchan sighed when I told him the reason behind my strange behaviour and he frowned, “Nam had always caused this kind of troubles… I should have known… where is he by the way? We should teach him a lesson too.

– As if you could!” I laughed and ended my reefer, wondering if I should roll another one. “I have no idea where he is.

– He probably left again.

– That wouldn’t be surprising.

– Troubles are over now, so it’s most probable he left.

– Troubles aren’t over… Junhong is…” I wanted to say he wasn’t back to me yet but because of these stupid tears I couldn’t. Jongup who finally finished to smoke his own, even if he had took only half size, he sat next me and rubbed my back.

“He will come back of course, he just needs time, it’s just a question of a few days, no more than a week I would say…” Daehyun commented and rubbed Youngjae’s back even though I had been the one to cry but the last one slapped it away from him.

“How do you know?” I asked him, my eyes puffy because of the smoke, and probably a bit because of the tears.

“He told me.

– What did he tell you?

–That he needed you.” He smiled at me and I smiled back at him. Suddenly I felt hands on my cheeks and I turned to Himchan who was cupping my face smiling at me.

“Isn’t that great?” he cheered and pecked my lips. I blinked at him but he kept kissing my face and the more I let him do, the downer he went. Finally he ended on my crotch and was struggling to open my pants, which Jongup helped him with.

“You’re both weird” I said but did nothing to stop them. Jongup simply smiled at me in answer and while Himchan was pulling down my pants and underwear, he pulled down Himchan’s ones before kneeling behind him.

The next moment I couldn’t talk, because I had to close my eyes from pleasure. With Nam’s restriction, it had been a long time since I had been sucked off. Himchan moaned around me and I imagined Jongup had entered him and from the motion of his mouth, I got confirmed he was being fucked.

I brought my hands to Himchan’s hair, slipping my fingers in his hair and I finally opened my eyes to look down at him. It was such a nice view, I had always loved it but now I felt like something was missing. I wanted someone else to be at his place right now. Jongup took me by surprise when he changed our place, so instead of lying down, I was sitting astride Himchan, his lips were back on my shaft and Jongup slipped his arms around my waist while he kept fucking Himchan.

I could feel the slow motion of his thrusts in my back, so I could have the same motion with my own. A few seconds after, Daehyun and Youngjae’s lips were on mine and second by second it was moving all over my chest as for their hands.

“Consider this as our sex goodbye to you, after tonight we’ll hand you over to Junhong and there’s no turning back” Youngjae breathed out against my skin and looking down at him I noticed him and Daehyun were jerking each other. I nodded and my arm was being held up in the air.

“What is that hyung?” Jongup asked me.

“It’s all the bad things I did to Junhong” I mumbled and he frowned giving a rough thrust to Himchan whom I felt choke on my shaft.

“Don’t do that ever again” he grunted, tightening his hug around me as he went faster on his poor hyung under us.

“Don’t worry, I don’t plan on hurting Junhong ever again” I smiled at him, bringing a hand to his hair to calm him down.


	46. How to win forgiveness

**ZELO POINT OF VIEW**

 

Because Yongguk-hyung was back today, I should have come home immediately after my last class, which was the reason why Daejung hadn’t sent a car to pick me up from school. I rarely came home with Daehyun-hyung but maybe his father had thought I would today. Well, all this just to say that I had to come back to this new place, I called home, by myself. When I finally reached his place Daejung was waiting for me. “Where were you? Yongguk is back to school so you...” because our eyes met, he finally could look at my face. I guess, no matter the effort I put into it, my eyes were still swollen, which I could feel, and probably red. “What’s happened Junhong?” he asked worried walking to me to pull me into his arms.

Afterwards, I explained everything to him so there wouldn’t be any misunderstanding. Now that I was here after leaving Yongguk-hyung behind, I couldn’t let myself lose this new father either. “You did the right thing Junhong.” He stroked my hair praising me, but I couldn’t rejoice about it.

“I was so scared he would hit me…

– He cherishes you, he can’t hit you.” Daejung reassured me, holding up my face while he cupped it. Even if I doubted it, I wanted to believe what he told me. I wanted to have faith in my hyung. “He’s a smart kid, he will understand.” He said and pulled me towards the living room for us to have dinner. I chuckled and he raised an eyebrow at me asking me what was funny.

“It’s weird to hear that Yongguk-hyung is a kid.

– But he is, and a problematic one,” he chuckled ruffling my hair and I finally felt at ease anew. I was glad I had him by my side in a moment like this.

 

After dinner and my shower, I was lying in my bed. Daehyun-hyung had given me his room, the one I had stayed in the first day I had arrived here. There were enough rooms in this mansion for me to have my own, and it was bigger than any room I ever had. Now I was in a calm warm and cozy place, with my stomach full, I had nothing else to think about than my first kiss. I brought a hand to my lips and caressed it with the tip of my fingers. It was as if I could still feel his lips on my own. This first kiss, it had been way better than everything I could have dreamed about, without taking the background in account, the situation which had brought this first kiss…

What should I do now? I could feel it deep down my guts; I wanted to kiss him again and again, his lips everywhere over my face and our tongues interwined again. I first had disliked it, but now I thought back about it, I wanted to do it again. Now that I knew I would enjoy it, I wanted to do it again and enjoy it more.

“Master?” I got ripped out of my thoughts by a soft voice and then I noticed my door was open, a little girl was standing there.

“Yes?” I replied once I recognized her, she was a new girl Daejung had found and when I looked at her, I understood why he had wanted to help me. It may be the same feeling, the girl was around four years old and she looked so helpless. What could a little girl like her do in this world on her own.

“Can I sleep with you?

– Of course Joo Chan-ah, come here.” I patted the spot next to me and pulled my blanket up for her to slip under it, to snuggle next to me, which she did without being told twice. I pulled her against me and went off to dreamland, turning off my doubts and wonders about Yongguk-hyung.

 

The next morning, Daehyun-hyung hadn’t come home and I started to get worried about him. I could barely eat my breakfast before leaving for school.

“He must have gone to Youngjae’s place, don’t worry about him. I would have heard about it if he had any problems.” Once again, Daejung reassured me, and about this matter I could relax. Because I knew he was damn right. He would never let anything happen to his son.

 

Before going to class, I decided to spend my free time visiting my hyungs. I wanted to apologize to them for what happened the day before, they had been worried about me and so I had to show them I was alright. But when I reached the basement room, only Yongguk-hyung was inside the now empty room, sitting on what apparently was a chair. “What did happen here?” I asked, looking around me in amazement. Nothing was left, there wasn’t even the fridge or the screens on the wall, not even any dust, making it look like it had always been this way.

As he wasn’t replying to me I looked back at Yongguk-hyung who was staring at the wall in front of him, the one on which had been the screens. Bending forward, I looked at his face, he had a black eye and his eyes were blood red, looking at him from closer, I noticed he wasn’t simply staring at the wall, but he was watching it. “Hyung?” I moved a hand in front his face and he didn’t even blink. He simply turned his head slowly to look at me.

“We’re going to renovate the place” he smiled to me but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“What?” I looked around again, “why would you do that?

– It was time for a change.” When he said that, he reached his hand toward me and held mine. That’s when I realized it was bandaged. His hand usually warm, was damn cold.

“Where are the others?

– They went …” he felt silent and after a moment I had to shake his hand to bring him back to earth.

“Hyung?” I looked at him worriedly, I had no idea what happened here but I was scared of the state my hyung was in right now. A different kind of fright from yesterday though. I was scared something was wrong with his health.

“…home, they went home.” When he looked at me, his eyes were weird. The same he had been watching the wall, I felt like he wasn’t looking at me, but through me.

“Hyung… are you… are you drugged?” without replying me, he kept smiling and turned his head back to the wall.

“I’m not… but I will tell you a secret.” He said and I bend forward so he could whisper his secret to me, “I’m making some spy work for the government.” He whispered that way too seriously to me for it to be a joke and I gasped putting my hand in front my mouth. My hyung was drugged and I had no idea what I could do to help him. Standing up, I grabbed my phone with my free hand while Yongguk-hyung was still holding my other and he was now rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

“Daejung? I need your help…” I refrained a sob to leave my mouth, I didn´t have the time to get phased by it. I had to help my hyung and for this I had to explain everything that happened to Daejung. Once I was done, he didn’t sound surprised by what I told him.

“Stay with him, make sure he doesn’t touch anything. I’ll call someone who will know how to deal with it.” He explained to me and I nodded even though he couldn’t see me right now. I hung up and looked sadly at my hyung who started to hum a song. I stayed standing next him, my hand still in his own which he suddenly kissed before looking up to me.

“Will I have your forgiveness one day?” he asked me pouting and I was taken aback. Never would I have thought to see him acting cute, towards anyone, and what should I reply to him? How could I resist my hyung? How could I when he was acting all cute for me? I thought about all the people that would love to see him like this, to make fun of him or simply by curiosity and I wished he would never show them. I wanted to keep this side of him for myself only.

I wanted to reply to him that I had already forgiven him a long time ago already, but wouldn’t that be the same as me coming back to him? Admitting out loud like this, was it a trick? But because of the state he was in, I doubted it would be. I leaned forward to peck his lips. “I-

– What are you doing here?” a voice behind me cut me off and I turned around only to face the director. Was he the one Daejung had called? “You’re not allowed to be here,” he warned me coming closer and I didn’t know how to explain the situation. Was he the one allowing students to come in such a place or not? Had Yongguk-hyung told him about me or not? Would he expel me from school? All these questions jostled in my head.

“He’s here because I allowed him to be, dumbass.” Yongguk defended me and I gasped at how he called the director. He was really not scared to be expelled, or maybe he was asking for it. But it would be weird, because of how much he loved this school. Then I looked at the director and he looked so sad, I wondered what kind of relation the two had.

“Gukkie…” he called my hyung softly by his nickname and everything was getting weirder. This situation was already fucked up, but the director calling Yongguk-hyung by his nickname. I had only heard Yongnam-hyung and Himchan-hyung calling him like this. But maybe he had this sort of relation with the director, which would explain why he had allowed Yongguk-hyung to use the basement for his own profit. “Did you relapse?” he asked coming nearer and my hyung held my hand tighter.

“Relapse?” I asked looking down to Yongguk-hyung, did he use to be a junkie? That’s when I noticed that I didn’t know anything about him, who he really was, his family and his story. I knew nothing about the one I loved, falling in love with him only with the idea I was making myself of what he could be like. Not that I was deceived by what I was learning, but I felt out of place. I didn´t have the right to claim to be his boyfriend in this situation, knowing nothing about him.

“You can leave now Junhong-ah, I will take care of him” the director kept his voice soft as he spoke to me. Looking up to him, I blinked as he was now that near to me, our noses were almost touching. “You really do look like her,” he said looking at me in the eyes and I frowned at him. What was he talking about? Could it be my mother?

But soon I couldn’t see him anymore as Yongguk-hyung had stood up and was now in between the director and me, “no, he doesn’t.” Yongguk-hyung’s tone was cold as he replied to the director. I blinked at his back and got the thing he was going to get angry again if I stayed around too much. After all, Daejung had called the director to take care of Yongguk-hyung, I trusted Daejung so I guess I could trust the director also.

“I’m going, hyung. Hope you get well soon.” I started to walk away but I had forgotten Yongguk-hyung was still holding my hand.

“That’s not how you say goodbye to your boyfriend.” I heard Yongguk-hyung saying and I blushed a deep red. How could he say something like that in front of the director? I turned around, ready to clear the misunderstanding for the director, but when I did so, I got silenced by my hyung’s lips on my own. I tried to fight him off, ready to find an explanation for the director so he wouldn’t expell us as such behavior and relationship were forbidden, but Yongguk-hyung’s tongue invading my mouth got the better of me.

Glancing at the director I noticed he had turned around, so I think he understood Yongguk-hyung wasn’t in his right mind. I let myself succumb this time, moving my hands to his hair, I kissed him back, imitating the way he did to me and rubbing my tongue back shyly against his. Sloppy sounds could be heard and I wanted this kiss to last forever.

When he finally released me, I felt so hot and he was grinning happily at me. I wanted to burst at him for acting so carelessly but nothing came out, no insults came to my mind and all I could do was to run away, my hand covering my lips. Only now I noticed that the door was missing and so I kept running until I ended up in the restroom. I panted slightly and looked at my reflection in the mirror, I had never seen my face being that red before. I wondered if one day I would get used to the butterflies in my stomach.

 

Class was as boring as usual, but I kept replaying the scenery of this morning over and over again  in my head, lunch time arrived faster than what I had thought it would. I got enough actions for today, but that was without relying on Yongguk-hyung.

I was waiting in line at the cafeteria; I was near the entries when Yongguk-hyung arrived. As always, he never waited in the line and walked past everybody. I sighed looking at him, but no one ever dared to say anything to him and I even came to wonder if he ever noticed that people were waiting in line to get served. He stopped next me and shamelessly moved to stand behind me. It felt weird and I had to say something, anything, “you look better” and now I regretted it, I should have said something else!

“Hmm… I’m sorry about this morning…

– Sorry, huh?” I chuckled bitterly. I knew he wouldn’t have kissed me the way he did if he had been in his right mind. I felt him bending toward me to whisper in my ear.

“Only for the fact that you witnessed me in this state,” I glanced at him and he was smirking at me, making me hot over again. I turned back and stared at the plates in front me. I heard him chuckle behind me and I felt a hand on my side, the left one, the dishes’ side one, the one people couldn’t see. I froze completely but a loud noise in the cafeteria grabbed his attention and he removed his hand from me, saving me from embarrassment at the same time.

Once I recovered from the shock, I turned round to look at what had made such a sound, and then I noticed it had brought the attention of everyone in the room. It was coming from a gathering around one table; I managed to recognize Dongyeon sitting there while he was being surrounded by a group of girls. I frowned at the situation, wondering what could have happened. It couldn’t be bullying again right? Not with girls against a boy. I was about to make my way there to make sure everything was alright but an arm in front my chest prevented me to move further. I scolded Yongguk-hyung, “it’s not because you don’t like him that we have to let him suffer.

– Who told you I didn’t like him?” he asked me his eyes still on the group attracting attention.

“You-” but I couldn’t keep scolding him as he hushed me.

I huffed looking back at the gathering. The girls surrounding the poor boy were laughing as they were pouring what I guess to be milk onto his pasta, while Dongyeon stayed silent looking down to his knees. One of the girls grabbed one fork milked pasta and shoved it into his mouth. He coughed but ended up swallowing it, we were too far from him to hear the things they were telling him, but they were stupid enough to shout the last sentence as they moved away from him, “Stay away from Junhong-sunbae!”

That was too much, what right had they to say such a thing? I was the only one who could tell who was allowed to come and speak to me and who wasn’t. I was about to make my way towards them when I noticed Yongguk-hyung was already there, looking at my side I wondered when he’d left. I looked at him when he grabbed Dongyeon’s plate and walked to the girls’ table, he threw the plate on their table, breaking each one of theirs and the girls screamed in fear. But he didn’t stop there, he grabbed the girl who had poured milk onto Dongyeon’s plate’s milk and he did the same thing on her head.

Even though I was far from them, I could see Yongguk-hyung hadn’t said a word to them, looking even scarier this way. Walking back to me, he ignored me and left the cafeteria, and with the look he had been wearing, I felt glad he did ignore me.

Turning back to the ladies serving us food, I asked them for another plate and went to sit next to Dongyeon. I smiled at him as I placed the plate in front him, he looked at me in awe. Since Yongguk-hyung had grabbed his soiled plate, he hadn’t moved. We heard the girls leaving, crying, they had probably waited until Yongguk-hyung would be far enough, or maybe they had hoped I would have come to help them…

Wonshik and Minrin joined us, sitting in front of us and they introduced themselves to Dongyeon. “You better eat before it goes completely cold.” I smiled at him and he nodded grabbing his fork. His hands were shaking that hard, he lost almost all his pasta on the way to his mouth. I chuckled at how cute he looked and ruffled his hair. He didn’t lose it and kept trying to eat.

 

After my classes were done, I wanted to check on Yongguk-hyung before going home; also I wanted to thank him for taking Dongyeon’s defense and to tell him that he was on a good way towards my forgiveness. Even though I had already forgiven him long time ago, maybe I could make him become a better person using this excuse. I really did have a bad vision of him, thinking he would be a bad guy to Dongyeon because he would be jealous. He was a great hyung! When I entered the basement he was standing in the middle of the room, checking and frowning at his phone.

“Hyung?” I called him and he hid his phone in his back pocket when he looked at me. I looked weirdly at him but forgot about his strange behavior when he opened his arms, smiling at me.

“Come here.” He invited me and I couldn’t refuse. Approaching him, I wrapped my arms around him and so did he over my shoulder, I rested my head against his shoulder and he kissed my temple. He was warm again and I loved it. Finally, we would be able to spend time together, like a normal high school couple would. “I know you will run this school well,” he whispered to me and I pulled away to look at him.

“What are you talking about?” if that was a joke, I didn’t find it funny at all.

“I’m letting everything in your hands Zelo.

– Are you leaving me again?” I didn’t want to show him how weak I really was, but I didn’t like how this conversation was turning out.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized brushing his fingers through my hair but I slapped it away.

“No! Don’t! You have no right to!” I burst at him, my eyes already filled with tears.

“Zelo…

– You can’t leave me now! You’re doing a great job for the forgiveness you asked from me and now you want to fuck everything up again?!” He grabbed me by both my face in one hand and the back of my head by my hair with his other and pulled me into one those heated kisses he got me addicted to already. A net drool linked both our lips when he pulled away and he pecked my lips before licking it to get rid of it. I had grabbed his shirt which I was fisting right now, not wanting to let him go.

“I’m happy, Zelo. I’m so happy you’re trying to forgive me.

– I already forgave you…

– That was fast.” He chuckled but I didn’t have the heart to laugh. “Don’t look at me with those eyes, it’ll be hard to leave.

– Good, because I don’t want you to.

– I have to.

– Why? Don’t I at least have the right to know why you’re leaving me?

– I’m going to a detox center.

– What?

– You saw me this morning… I used to be drug addict and the director freaked out when he saw me this morning.

– I shouldn’t have call him.” I muttered and he caressed my cheeks smiling at me. I hated to see him being that calm over this matter, but thinking about earlier, what happened in the cafeteria…maybe he hadn’t taken it as well as I thought he had, “how long will you be gone?

– I don’t know yet.

– Will I be able to visit you?

– Of course.” He smiled and pecked my lips over and over again until a voice stopped him.

“Guk, we’re going.” I turned around wondering since when the director had been standing at the entrance.

“I’m coming.” Yongguk-hyung answered him and the director left, probably to leave us some time alone. I had no idea the director could be that nice, and I had punched him when he had offered me his help.

“How come the director is so nice to us?

– And how come you never stop asking questions?” he chuckled and I huffed at him, “I rely on you to take good care of this school for the time I’ll be gone Zelo.” He told me before kissing my forehead.

“I will,” I replied to him with my eyes closed. When I opened them again I was alone in the room. As I thought I couldn’t handle it. I ran after him in the corridors which were empty by now, at the exception of him and me. I managed to catch up to him and I back hugged him, plunging my face in his back, trying to hold back my tears. “I love you Hyung.”

He removed my hands from him and turned around to hold my face the way he liked to, both his palms cupping my cheeks while his fingers were almost reaching the top of my head. “I love you too Junhong-ah.” He whispered and kissed me passionately for a last time, our tongues intertwined in a last dance. He released me and I looked at his back walking away and disappearing through the school’s doors.

So this is what he had felt like when I had walked away the day before. I fell on my knees and brought my hands to my face as I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer.

“Hyung?” I heard someone calling me from behind, and steps coming nearer, “I thought there was no one left. I had forgotten my… Hyung? You’re okay?” Whoever it was; was now kneeling in front me to be at the same level as me and held me in his arms. “Don’t cry Hyung…” I finally looked up and saw Dongyeon’s worried face looking at me; he wiped my tearful face using his palms and the back of his hands as it didn’t want to stop flooding.

“…yeon…” was everything I managed to say before my uncontrollable sobs started over again. I must have done something awful in my previous life to be punished this way in this one, and I wondered when I would be able to spend free time with the one I loved.

“Don’t cry Hyung, whatever is making you cry, forget it. I’ll make you smile.”

 


	47. UP's story

**JONGUP POINT OF VIEW**

 

When we woke up in the middle of the night, we parted and Yongguk-hyung stayed behind. He said he wanted to clean after us, but he had smoked way much more than all of us and I doubted he would be able to do anything in his state. But I couldn’t stay with him; he should be thankful that I had started to clean before. Right now I had to bring Himchan-hyung to the hospital, and while I would go to our city’s one, Daehyun-hyung had to bring Youngjae-hyung to another city’s one. This way, they wouldn’t make any link between both of them and report it as school violence. We had a renowned school so we had to be careful.

I was scared they would tell Himchan-hyung he wouldn’t walk ever again, but according to what they said, it wasn’t something that big. They sure looked at us suspiciously when they saw him with his broken leg and me with a black eye, the left part of my face was totally swollen where Yongguk-hyung had hit me. The day which followed I took care of Himchan-hyung, hiding in his house. He tried to walk on his own not understanding why he had to move around in a wheelchair. “It’s because you’re too weak Hyung!” I mocked him and he threw every pillow which was on his bed at me. “Your mother is worried about you.

– Just tell me when isn’t she worried?” he mumbled back to me and both our phones buzzed.

       ✉From Yongguk-hyung

The director caught me this morning. I’m going to detox now, one of you has to come back at least tomorrow to take care of Junhong.

“Hyung, you should wait to be back on foot before coming back to school. I’ll go so you have to rest okay?” I told Himchan-hyung while I was replying Yongguk-hyung.

✉To Yongguk-hyung

I will come back for Junhong. Himchan-hyung needs time to rest so he won’t come back just yet.

“What are you saying? Hadn’t you listened to what the doctors said? It’ll take me two months! I won’t stay enclosed here for two fucking months” and he looked around him on the bed, searching for something to throw at me but he had nothing left there. So I threw him one of the pillows lying on the floor, which he threw back at me almost instantly.

 

In the end, I spent only one day alone with Himchan-hyung in his room, I wished I could have spent two months like this, but Junhong needed us so we had to come back.

When I arrived at the basement it was empty and clean, there were no proofs left of what happened, not even the scent of the weed was still lingering in the room anymore and I felt relieved that Junhong hadn’t had to bear this. I knew he loved this room as much as we did, so seeing it empty this way was enough for him.

“They said the new stuff should arrive soon.” I turned around and Junhong was standing at the entrance, I smiled at him and he offered me a weak one back in return before gasping as his eyes landed on my face. “What happened to you Hyung?!” he bursted, jumping on me and he couldn’t refrain himself from touching the swollen part of my face.

“Ah! Don’t…” I mumbled, wincing from the stinging feeling as I tried holding his hand to move it away.

“I’m sorry Hyung.

– It’s okay; it didn’t hurt that much when you touched it. I can tell you, it hurt way more when I received it!” I laughed, but he didn’t, he just kept a dismayed look.

“I’m sorry about that too… it’s my fault that you fought with Yongguk-hyung…” he mumbled and I blinked at him. Thinking about it, he did not have to be that bright to understand we did fight as he must have seen Yongguk-hyung’s face too, there was no use to try to deny it. I patted his head smiling at him; sometimes I wished I could be a chatterbox like Yongnam-hyung, always having the right words to say or to reply to someone, that it was to soothe someone or to make someone shut his mouth.

“Hyung.

– Hmm?

– Did you know Yongguk-hyung used to be a junkie?” I nodded to answer his question, I couldn’t tell him we all used to be. “It’s … it’s my fault that he relapsed” I looked at him and he started shaking and crying, frowning I held him by his shoulders.

“It’s not your fault.

– If I had come back to him he wouldn’t have done that…

– That might be true, but then he wouldn’t have understood how precious you are to him. He kept denying it but now I’m sure he won’t ever again. Have some faith in him. You’ll see, he’ll come back stronger than ever.” I tried my best to reassure him and I didn’t know how I could affirm such statements. I felt bad for not telling him the truth, but he didn’t need to know that everything that had happened to him was because of Yongnam.

Junhong nodded at me and his phone buzzed, apparently the new stuff had already arrived. “I’ll go warn your teacher that you won’t come to class this morning,” I said ruffling his hair, and while he made his way toward the school’s entrance to meet the delivery men, I made my way to his class. It was better if it wasn’t himself that came to announce it. He wasn’t officially member of our group, so the teachers were less reticent if we were the ones to announce them that kind of news.

Even this history teacher accepted everything we told him, well it wasn’t really like he had that much alternatives to it if he wanted to keep his job. I joined Junhong at the school’s entrance and when I reached him he was with the letter boy. I frowned approaching as Junhong was ruffling his hair while the boy was smiling all cutely at him. I had a bad feeling about it so I grabbed Junhong’s hand to remove it from the boy’s head, “let’s go install the stuff, it might take us the whole day.” I warned him and left them, ignoring the boy who had wanted to introduce himself to me. What was Junhong even thinking hanging out with that boy while Yongguk-hyung was away?

“Don’t be grumpy hyung,” he laughed at me when I told him I didn’t really like that boy, he would simply bring more problems to him than he already had and Junhong shook his head amused at my statement. “He’s not that kind of person, he’s really nice.

– Doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous to hang around with him.

– Don’t worry; Yongguk-hyung had defended him yesterday. He’s not the kind to get jealous over the relation I have with Dongyeon.” He looked pretty sure of himself, but I had some doubts. Yongguk-hyung saving the boy’s ass once didn’t mean he would again, even more if he was a threat to his relation with Junhong. But I gave up, I couldn’t make him listen, and I didn’t want to get him in a bad mood. I simply will have to keep an eye on that Dongyeon boy.

After the delivery men were done putting all the new stuff in the room, they left so we had to install everything. Usually, Yongguk-hyung would be the one to do it, but seeing the state he was in now, we couldn’t wait for him to come back. We put the new fridge in place, this time he had really overdone it, the two door's fridge was damn heavy, without forgetting the ice maker station in the middle of it. Did he have the intention to live in the basement or...?

Now that we were done with the fridge, we had to wait the whole day before turning it on, the room was brand new, we didn’t want it to explode. I was holding one of the new screens while Junhong was fixing it to the wall, “since how long do you know Yongguk-hyung?

– Hmm… four years?

– And Himchan-hyung?

– I know Himchan-hyung since I’m born but started hanging out with him only when I met Yongguk-hyung.

– How come? How did you meet them?” he stopped fixing the screen and I had to keep holding it while he stared at me with his big round eyes. Not that the screens were that heavy but it had been a while since I had been holding it up like this.

“Zelo…” I whined, motioning the screen with my head as both my hands were busy, he excused himself and finally finished to fix it. “You really want to know? It’s quite long…” I mumbled massaging my arms.

“We have the time…” he chuckled pointing his thumb in his back where were laying a dozen of other screens like the one we just fixed.

“I guess you’re right,” I sighed moving towards the screens to grab another one as I started to tell him how I met Himchan-hyung.

FLASHBACK

JONGUP : 9 YEARS OLD  
HIMCHAN : 12 YEARS OLD

“Don’t stare at him like this!” my mother slapped the back of my head and I lowered my eyes to my feet, “what will they say about our family if you keep acting strange like this?” she scolded me.

“They’re already bad talking about us…” I mumbled low enough for her to not be able to hear me.

The Kim family annual party had always been the biggest event of the city, and might keep being it for many years. All the wealthy people gathered to show off their wealth. The big question of this event was who had become wealthier and who had become poorer.

But they didn't have to worry that much as this place was always reserved for my family, the last one of course. Not that my family was what the common people call to be poor, but we were the poorest family of the wealthier ones in the city, so for them, for these people without any notion of money, we were poor. My family barely won enough to be able to live in the wealthier part of the city which happened to be the Kim’s domain.

The boy I had –not really– been staring at was Kim Him Chan, the wealthiest and the most beautiful person of this party. I might be living in his family’s domain; we weren’t from the same world. I would never be able to approach him, so I could only look at him from afar. Since the first time I land my eyes on him, last year had been the first time I had been old enough to attend this party with my parents, and since that time, I had never been able to tear my eyes off of him, which earned me another slap from my mother.

Conversation between adults were always boring, so I left my parents’ side to look for something to do, or even just a spot to sit at, where I would be able to look at Kim Him Chan at peace without anyone annoying me. As I was looking for a nice spot, I took a few snacks, earning some gasps from people around me, but I ignored them and noticed that my friends had gathered in a circle. After swallowing the piece of cake I had in my mouth, I wiped it and approached them.

“What are you doing?

– We’re preparing a surprise for the princess. This year will be the last he’s taunting us!

– Is he really?” I asked out loud and looked toward Kim Him Chan, I had never really thought about him as a princess but even if I couldn’t see his face from near, he really appeared to be as beautiful as one. I couldn’t admire him any longer as one of my friends grabbed my face to make me look at him.

“Are you with us? Or against us?” he asked, probably trying to frighten me. Of course I was against them, if Kim Him Chan was a princess I would do everything in my power to protect him.

“I am!” I cheered and they were dumb enough to not ask me to which question I had replied, I had just to smile dumbly to them for them to not doubt anything. After all, what could they risk with a kid like me?

“Good, listen. Sometimes he takes a walk on his own without any bodyguard. That’s when we’ll jump on him!” the guy gave his instructions and I listened carefully. They planned on gagging him and hitting him until his face wouldn’t be beautiful anymore. I felt offended, I could understand they were jealous, but doing this to Kim Him Chan, they were really the worst.

 

When they all went to place themselves, I was on my way to hide but I found a nice spot to sit, it was probably a place where I was forbidden to stand at, but I didn’t mind. Because from here I could admire Kim Him Chan standing near his mother. He looked beautiful as the light of the moon reflected on his perfect skin. I lay back against the tree behind me and suddenly he moved from his spot, that’s when I remembered what my friends had planned to do. So they had been right, Kim Him Chan went for a walk.

I hurried myself but I got my feet stuck on something, I stumbled forward and ended up falling into a bush. I was wiping my dirty hands full of mud onto my pants while I looked for Kim Him Chan, that’s when he passed by where I was hiding, without wasting any second; I grabbed him and pulled him into the bush. I gagged him by putting my hand over his mouth while my friends passed by our hidden place, looking for him. I felt Kim Him Chan struggling, but somehow, I was stronger than him and that’s when it hit me. He really was weak like a princess, so I had to protect him. I would be his prince.

Once my friends were far enough I released him and he coughed and spat wiping his mouth, that’s when I realized I had put mud onto his face. I gasped, “I’m sorry!” I moved shaking hands toward him to help him to remove the mud, I couldn’t believe I was standing that near to him, never in my young life would I have dreamed about this moment and yet it was happening. What I didn’t expected was for him to slap my hands away.

“Your hands are dirty! What do you plan to do with it, putting more mud on me?” he mumbled and I was shocked. His voice was honeyed and I would never get bored to hear it. I did heard rumors about Kim Him Chan barely speaking to people so I felt so glad he did to me, even if what he said wasn’t so nice nor his tone hadn’t been friendly.

I blinked as I kept staring at him, it was like he was too luminous for him to be looked at, and now I understood how different we were, what right did I have to look at such a beautiful person? My mouth was slightly opened and I kept admiring his perfect face while he was still busy cleaning it.

“What are you looking at beggar?” his voice tore me out my daydream and I felt hurt by what he called me. I did hear other kids calling me or my family this way, yet I had never really given attention to it. Why was it hurting now though? I should feel glad he was talking to me.

“I’m not a beggar…” I mumbled sadly, my eyes got teary and I felt like I was living a nightmare. Did Kim Him Chan hear about my family and our poor situation? But what scared me more than simply that, did he hate me for this the same way the whole population here despised our family? I didn’t want him to hate me.

“Yes, you are!” he stood up and kicked me, “Beggar!” he yelled at me before running of.

I didn’t even move after he kicked me, I stayed laying there in the mud. My chest hurt so badly but not from the kick he just gave me. From all the sceneries I had imagined for this meeting that should have never happened, this was even worse than the worst I had imagined. Weren’t it only our parents who cared about status? I had been stupid to think he would accept to be my friend. I was a simple frog, and never would this princess want to kiss this frog, so I would never turn into a prince.

 

Even if I lived in the same domain as him, he barely was out of his house and I think I understood now why. He didn’t want to be friends with people less wealthy than him, but no one could be more than he was. Sometimes I wonder if he didn’t feel lonely. So the only moment we could see Kim Him Chan was at the Kim party, it always happened in the summer, around July or August. But this year was different from the last two, I had lost my annual keen interest to join this party, and at the very first moment I set my foot in the Kim’s garden, I wished it was already over.

I joined my friends, hoping they would keep me busy and that I wouldn’t be tempted to spend my time admiring Kim Him Chan, I had grown used to that and so I didn’t know what else to do during this party.

“Hey, you… are you the beggar?” I turned round; it were kids I had never seen before. When they approached me, my friends ran away as if they were scared of the twins.

“I’m not a beggar.” I defended myself but without that much conviction, everybody called me like this and I was tired to fight to make them understand my family wasn’t poor.

“Just follow us, we need to speak.” One of the twins told me while the other stood in my back to push me towards a place where there was no one. I finally decided it was no use for me to quarrel about this; I will just have to bear the hazing until they would get bored of it. “We heard you played with the princess last year” the boy who had pushed me in my back said now we were alone at the other end of the immense garden. Did everybody really call him a princess. “Too bad we weren’t here” the second added and without any warns he punched me in my stomach.

It wasn’t hard to guess they were older than me, but I wouldn’t let this impress me. I was used to fight off alone all the kids of the domain when they would pick on me; it weren’t two boys a few years older than me that would scare me. I fought back and I managed to keep standing one against two. After a few fists and kicks exchanged, we were catching back our breaths. I was lying on my back on the ground while they were half standing, leaning their hands on their knees.

“You’re not bad for a beggar.” One of the twins commented chuckling and I wondered what was funny. But somehow, I felt quite invigorated after this fight.

“Of course I’m not a bad person!” I yelled back to them still catching back my breath and they laughed again.

“Why did you pick on Himchan?” the other twin asked me and I turned my head to look at him, they were both back on their feet while I was still lying on the ground, looking at them with a bored face. I stayed silent and looked at the sky above me.

“I hadn’t.

– The others told us it was you who were the head of the group.

– They told you that to get rid of you.” I chuckled but soon sat up gasping understanding what their plan had been. “Where is he?

– Who?

– Kim Him Chan! I have a bad feeling…” I said standing up and after they looked at each other, they ran further into the garden and I decided to follow them.

Finally we reached him and he was being picked on by the other kids, the ones who had left me alone to deal with the twins. Both of them easily pushed them away from Kim Him Chan who was lying on the ground, protecting his face with his arms. “The fuck?!

– He told us to do that! He said he would keep you busy while we had to follow his order!” one of my friend pointed a finger at me but I didn’t mind them. I was looking at Kim Him Chan who was sitting up, he was bleeding from his beautiful lips. The second after I grabbed that finger pointed at me and pulled on it, making the boy fall to the ground before I kicked him.

“How did you dare touch Kim Him Chan! Don’t do it ever again or I’ll kill you!” I sat on the boy I had just kicked and who had fell on the ground, I kept hitting him without any rest, letting out all the anger I had gathered for a long time from all the bullying I underwent. “You have no right to touch him, to look at him or even to pronounce his name with your dirty mouth! He’s a princess so we have to take care of him instead of accusing him of your stupid jealousy!!” I kept yelling at them and I couldn’t stop myself from hitting that kid even with his blood on my hands and with my fists being numbed.

“It’s okay now, it’s okay” someone grabbed me by my arm and pulled me away. Looking at the twin, I threw a fit at him but the other twin grabbed my other arm. They both started to pat my head to soothe me and strangely it worked. “Do you love Himchan?” one of the twins asked me and I looked at Kim Him Chan who was blushing.

“WHAT?! Don’t be stupid Bang!” he yelled at the twin holding me.

“Yes, I love him. Even if I know he hates me, I will always love him and protect him, because he’s a princess.” I confessed feeling myself blushing as Kim Him Chan was now looking at me while he approached us.

“Stupid kid! I’m not a princess! I’m a boy!!” he burst hitting the top of my head, but I felt too happy and too numbed to even get hurt by this.

“Princess, don’t hit your prince,” one of the twins laughed and Kim Him Chan glared at him. Finally the twins released me and I stayed where I was. They left to bring the boy away and I kept staring at Kim Him Chan, so I did hear him well when he muttered a ‘what if the princess is in love with the monster…’ looking sadly at one of the twins.

I followed his gaze but before I could see which one of the twin he had been looking at, he grabbed me by my chin and made me turn my face to look at him. I completely froze on the stop. Kim Him Chan was touching me. I think I could die happy right now. “Do you really love me?” he asked seriously and I nodded. “You’re just a kid” he said looking at me from head to toe.

“If you ever feel sad or scared, you can rely on this kid whenever it pleases you, and if you’re tired of me, you can throw me away. I would just look over you from afar like I always did.” I smiled at him and he looked touched from what I said, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. I didn’t dare to hug him back yet.

“Then you have to keep your words kid, you have to save me from this monster.” He whispered as if he was afraid someone might hear him and that’s when I hugged him back, because I felt like he needed me to. Even though I didn’t understand which monster he was speaking about, I nodded.

“I only have one word.”

END OF FLASHBACK

“All of your meetings are awesome stories Hyung.” Junhong exclaimed when I was done, he was lying lazily on the new sofa, he wanted to check if it was as comfortable as it had looked and apparently it was as he hadn’t moved from it since he had laid on after we were done fixing the screens.

“Really?

– My meeting with Yongguk-hyung is so trite” he sighed and I chuckled lying next him on the couch.

“I don’t know, remember, you were scolding me!” I teased him poking his forehead.

“Hmm… Himchan-hyung was so mean to you…

– Himchan-hyung here and at home is a different person.” I explained to him, but I believed that every person out there, no matter how banal they could sound to us, had a different behavior according to the place they found themselves to be in.

We stayed lying on the sofa; we had finished to install the main part of it. Linking the screens to the CCTV cameras in the school showed to be harder than what we thought, so we would have to wait for Yongguk-hyung to take care of this matter.

“I’m going hyung.” Junhong greeted me and left, that’s true, he was still living with Daejung and he shouldn’t be coming home too late. Once he left, I stayed on the sofa, but not because I wanted to. I suddenly felt thirsty, I had the impression I was in the middle of desert. I looked at the fridge and I cursed Yongguk-hyung for destroying everything. If he hadn’t, we would still have our ancient fridge, full of food and drinks. This one was empty and not working yet. My phone rang, I answered and tried to reply even with my throat feeling that dried.

“Jongup? What’s wrong? Are you on your way home?

– Hyung… I’m fucking thirsty…

– Where are you?

– At the basement.

– Don’t move, I’m calling someone to pick you up.” Himchan-hyung said and hung up. I was glad my hyung was that smart, he must have understood right away it was the after effect of the drug. A good thing it hadn’t happened when Junhong was still here.

Someone opened the door and I was scared it would be Junhong who had forgotten something. I tried to sit up to look as normal as I could and Yongnam entered the basement.

“Why you?” Amongst all the people Himchan-hyung could have called, why had it to be him?

“Because I’m the only one who won’t send you to detox” he explained to me and kneeled down in front me, he opened his bag and took out a few syringes and little phials. He was fast to put withers and to prick me.

“What was that?” I asked and it looked like whatever he pricked me with was taking effect already, I already felt better.

“You all fucking messed up again!” he burst at me, cleaning his stuff and putting it back in his bag. “You need to get used again to not have this shit in your system, little by little.” He explained holding me by my arm and helped me to stand up, we left the school and a car was waiting for us at the exit.

I stopped us before getting in the car; I grabbed him by his arm and looked at his face, “I better not come back to my parents. If they see me like this, they’ll send me to detox.” I told him suddenly scared he would send me there even if he said the contrary.

“I know dumbass, we’re going to my place.” He flicked my forehead and we stayed silent for the entire ride.

Once at his place, I asked for his permission to take a shower and for him to prepare everything I needed. “You’re all only kids… you really need someone to look over you all the time,” he complained and I had some doubt if he was talking about preparing towels and a pajama for me, or if he was talking about the relapse thing. I felt much better after this warm shower and entering the living room, I looked at Yongnam sitting on the sofa while he was watching news on TV. Even if there were times I hated him, when he would give us a mountain of problems, he was really someone reliable. After all, if he hadn’t been here with Yongguk-hyung, I might have never become friends and then lover with Himchan-hyung.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he smirked at me, so he knew I had been looking at him. I went to sit next him on the sofa wiping my wet hair with a second towel.

“Must be the drugs after effect…” I mumbled and he laughed putting his arm over my shoulder. He pulled me against him and we fell asleep like this.


	48. Finally

**DAEHYUN POINT OF VIEW**

We spent more time driving to the next city’s hospital than getting healed inside. It turned out that Youngjae had been lucky he did not get any glass stuck into his spine, it had just been in his skin and it would hurt slightly. But they gave him a cream and until it would heal completely he wouldn’t be able to lie on his back.

We were back at his place around noon the following day and in the end I didn’t know if I should feel thankful towards Yongguk-hyung because otherwise Youngjae might not have permitted me to enter his apartment that soon. So I helped him with the cream and enjoyed touching his back’s skin, even if it kind of hurt him, it had been a long time since I had been able to touch him like this. It reminded me about the time we used to bath together when we were younger.

“We should go back to school this afternoon,” I told him once I was done and I closed the tube of cream.

“Why?

– What?

– Why do we have to go back to school? I’m smart and I can skip all the classes for the next five years, and you don’t even need a diploma to succeed for your father… so why do we have to go back there?” I wondered if he was having such a gloomy mood because of the drugs after effect…

“You’re right.” I replied the only thing that I could, I would be lying if I said the contrary. As he was sitting on the edge of his bed, I moved from it and stood in front of him. “You’re always right.” I leaned forward, stopping only a few inches from his face. “So, instead of getting bored at school we could do something else here…

– Yeah… we can get bored here…” he mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“I like this idea,” I said moving a hand into his hair as I caressed his cheek with my other hand, at the same time I was approaching his face, moving slowly to not scare him, “getting bored together.” He was glaring at me but he wasn’t moving, probably not believing I would do it, but I did. I rested my lips on his, but I didn’t get any kind of reaction from him. He didn’t kiss me back nor did he try to get away from me like he always did.

So I kept on kissing him, as long as he wasn’t pushing me away, I should enjoy it. As I started to rub my lips against his in a slow motion, I moved both my hands down his chest, sometimes rubbing the tip of my fingers on his nipples which made him moan.

Grabbing this opportunity, I slipped my tongue into his mouth while I pinched his nipple slightly as it was getting hard under my touch, and this time he kissed me back. He moved his arms around my neck to pull me down and to deepen our kiss, breaking this new link only to remove one piece of clothing at a time.

Once we were both completely naked and hard, he held my shaft with his little hands and started to stroke me. It was so much better when he was the one doing it. “Let me suck you” he breathed out and I stepped backward so he could move down from the bed and get on his knees. I looked down at him and he looked so sexy, as eager as he poked my cock’s head with the tip of his tongue, his gaze stuck on my face eyeing my reaction. It was hard to not move as he coated me with his mouth, his head moving up and down and his tongue glued on me, that hard I couldn’t handle it. I grabbed him by his hair and rolled my hips, getting my member deeper at each thrust. Strangely, he didn’t gag any time and I wondered if it wasn't the first time he blew off someone. The only thought about this being possible annoyed me, but I soon didn’t think about it anymore and my mind went blank as I came into his wet cavern.

“You know… I can’t help but to think I’m not the first you suck off” I grumbled, holding him by his hair and threw him onto his bed, so he was lying on his stomach on his bed, his legs outspread so I could stand in between.

“The fuck?! I just trained on objects you psycho!” he bursted annoyed at me, and it reassured me, I knew he couldn’t have gone to another man. I brought two fingers that I had carefully made him lick before, to his ass and prepared him well. I felt him squirming under me but yet he didn’t escape like he did so many times before in the past, so I guessed he was ready. “You… you sure?” he asked trying to look at me.

“I want to go all the way,” I replied striking myself back to life while I kept preparing him, adding another finger and soon we were both ready. “I’m going,” I warned him placing myself behind him and he simply nodded, probably biting down on the blanket or his hand, I didn’t really know.

Curses kept flowing out my mouth as I buried myself deeper into him, his inners were literally crushing me down and it was hard to make my way in, but so damn good. On every parcel of skin of mine, I could feel his warm and cozy own. Grabbing his ass with both my hands, I spread his butt cheeks with the hope it would make it go easier in. I moaned out his name and I wish he wouldn’t be biting down on this fucking blanket so I could hear his own. I had been able to give him only a few seconds to get used to my size before I started to pound in a slow motion into him, it wasn’t like I could move that much.

I was so glad to finally be into him, we were one, I only regretted the fact I couldn’t lay him on his back so I could kiss him. After a certain time I could move easier so I did faster and when I could slip in fast enough and that my balls hit his ass he finally release his blanket into a moan of my short name “DAE!

– Oh god, I fucking love it when you say my name.

– YAH!” I chuckled at his reaction and kept the motion, from the moans he gave me I got the thing I just found his sweet spot.

“Call my name again, baby.” I asked him, moving a hand to caress his hair and I heard him groaning. “You don’t want to?” Again he didn’t reply, well, I quite understood he couldn’t actually do, but he didn’t complied, so it was the same.

“I want to cum Dae…” he let out in a shaky breath and it got me even more excited.

“Call me: Daehyun-oppa.

– You freak…

– Come on, come on, come on…” and I kept repeating it each time I was deep buried into him, hitting on this soft bundle of nerves of him, the one which made his legs shake in a spasm motion. I slowed down, making sure he wouldn’t cum yet. After a few minutes only, he managed to turn his face enough to look at me from the corner of his eyes, with a pleading look on his face.

“Please… Daehyun… oppa….” He whined and I smirked to him, slipping a hand under him, I grabbed a hold of his dick and jerked him while I kept shoving myself always deeper and faster until I could control neither my speed nor strength anymore and that I filled his inside.

I fall on his back, completely forgetting he was hurt there, more than somewhere else, but thankfully he was here to remind me. “GOD DAMNIT YOU MORON MOVE!!!” he burst suddenly making me startle, so I moved up, leaning on my arms which were on each side of him and he stopped squirming under me.

“You’re not being cute at all…” I mumbled moving out of him and laid down on my back next him on the bed, still catching back my breath. We looked at each other and that’s when I could finally see he’d been crying. I move a hand to wipe his tears, “I’m sorry… was I too harsh?” I asked sadly I hadn’t made this first time a good memory for him but he shook his head.

“I’m happy…” he mumbled making me blink, but I couldn’t look any longer at his face as he moved to lean his head on my chest. I wanted to hug him but again I got called a moron when I touched his shoulders, so I simply rest a hand in his hair while I was holding his hand with my other.

 

We stayed laying there, none of us wanted to move and I had gave up the idea to bring him to school. “Why were you crying?

– At one time I suddenly felt the urge to take some weed again, but I couldn’t move nor say anything and somehow… it’s kind of okay now…” he mumbled and again I apologized, I knew it wasn’t like that I should be treating someone who had relapsed but it wasn’t like I could feel the after effects yet. “Do you think Yongguk-hyung will be alright?

– If his father find out, he’ll be sent to detox…

– He will find out…

– Then I hope he won’t stay over for too long… they just met back with Junhong.” I commented and we heard our phones buzzing, but for now we were way too lazy to move, and it felt too good to have Youngjae lying this way on me, I wanted to stay in this position the longer I could, imagining he had the same feelings for me that I had for him and that we were a happy couple and not simply friends fucking together when they didn’t know what else to do.

“It’s Himchan-hyung…

– How the fuck do you even know?

– I have different vibrate motion for each one of you.

– Cheater,” I chuckled as my whole theory about Youngjae being able to read mind and such just got wrecked. “Tomorrow we have to go back to school,” I said and this time he didn’t complain and simply nodded.

 

“Are you okay Hyung?” Zelo asked jumping on me but I managed to get rid of him as he tried to touch my face, where a part of my black eye had remained.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I chuckled and ruffled his hair, “don’t worry, I’m used to it by now or I would never be able to succeed my father.” We entered the basement with Youngjae and I whistled in awe, finally I didn’t hold any regret for the fight we got, not only I could have sleep with the one I secretly loved but we also got a whole new basement room. “This one is way better than the previous one.” I commented, my eyes shining as I made my way to the fridge which I hugged and I heard them laugh.

“So how was it to get Zelo for you only for the whole day?” I asked Jongup and he approached me to grab me by my collar.

“You meant: how was it to do all the work only being two?” he muttered to my face and I looked at Youngjae who was smirking to us… so that had been the reason why he hadn’t want to come back yet…

“Ah yeah, of course, you worked hard,” I chuckled patting his head and he raised his fist in the air, ready to hit me when someone entered the room.

“Isn’t Himchan back yet?” he asked and we all looked at him with big round eyes.

“We thought you had left again,” I told him and he smirked to me.

“What? You thought you got rid of me that easily?” he grinned to Youngjae whom he took in his arms. We did thought all our problems were over, but because he was still here, we had to be careful.

“Release me!” Youngjae struggled in Yongnam’s hold who totally ignored him.

“Why are you here Hyung?” Junhong asked him and finally Yongnam released my Youngjae to go hug him instead.

“Aww, aren’t you cute?

– Why am I?” Junhong mumbled, yet he didn’t fight off Yongnam’s hug like Youngjae did, which made me realize that this guy was really wild. That’s why I had so much hard time to make him comply to me, but that was also the reason why I loved Youngjae.

“Because you’re asking a student why he’s coming to school… isn’t that cute?

– I thought you had a tutor…

– Well for the time Gukkie isn’t here, it is my duty to take care of my school.

– Your school?

– Yeah.

– What do you mean?

– The director’s my father.” Yongnam simply said and Junhong looked shocked to hear the news, I guessed Yongguk-hyung hadn’t told him. The bell rang and Yongnam pushed Junhong out of the basement room, “now you go to your class, you already missed yesterday’s classes.” He strangely cheered, ignoring the flood of question coming from Junhong who finally complied and left.

Once Junhong was gone, Yongnam suddenly lost his joyful attitude and scolded us for what we have done, yet he was doing so while preparing syringes. “Now get your asses here, I’ll give you short amount of shot, reducing it every day until you don’t feel the need for this shit again” he ordered us and we all sat on the sofa, our arms outreached for him to prick us.

“Do you remember the letter boy?” Jongup was one of a kind; we never really knew what he was thinking about. Even if I suspected his mind to be filled with dirty images of Himchan-hyung most of the time, but once in a while he would get a flash of insight. We all nodded and Yongnam looked at us with curiosity while he was cleaning his syringes. “I can’t be at ease with him around while Yongguk-hyung is away…” he said and we quickly got the thing with Youngjae.

“Let’s see how the week goes…” I said patting his shoulder; somehow he hadn’t needed to share his uneasiness because we shared the same. The boy would probably try to hit on Junhong, but for our Hyung’s sake we couldn’t let this happen.

“Aren’t you going to class?” Yongnam scolded us while he was busy programming the computer, probably linking the screens to the camera’s school.

“Wow, you know how to do that?” Jongup commented amazed, standing up to go near Yongnam to check how he was doing it, and so did we with Youngjae.

“Everything Gukkie learned, I learned it to.

– But are you going to learn how to be human?” Youngjae asked grinning; only earning a grin back from Yongnam.

“It’s not because we’re twins that we have to be exactly the same.

– You should.” Jongup said patting his shoulder and left the basement with Youngjae.

“Jongup’s right, you should find yourself a lover too.” I told Yongnam who shook his head amused, and I followed Youngjae and Jongup out of the basement.

 

Through the week we could spy on Junhong through the screens as Yongnam had managed to plug the cameras right. He did spent a lot of time with the letter boy, more than he did with us and he looked like he was having a lot of fun hanging around with him. They laughed a lot and it only managed to annoy us even more. Thus we made some research on who that boy was but it appeared he was just some random kid. It happened on Friday, it was after the last class and when all other students had leave the school, the boy did the fighting sign to Junhong who looked quite down, then the boy got too near to Junhong and kissed him. We were all as shocked at what happened as seemed to be Junhong, but the boy ran away before we could even get over the confusion.

We all checked Yongnam was well sleeping on the sofa and both Jongup and Youngjae pulled on each on my arms. They were way too devoted to Junhong, and it was clear, even to me, that they didn’t want that kid to be friend with Junhong. But as dedicated they were to Zelo, I was to Yongguk-hyung and here we had a common path. “Let me take care of it” I reassured them and they nodded to me.

I stood up and left the basement; if I hurried I might be able to catch back the boy. I passed by Junhong who was still at the same place we had saw him earlier. “You don’t wait for me Hyung?” Zelo asked me and I patted his head.

“I have something to do,” I told him and thankfully he didn’t ask me more question, he might be still puzzled from what happened.

“Okay, see you later hyung,” he smiled to me and finally moved, walking toward the basement direction.

 

That boy had been damn fast to leave the school, but I could make it and I followed him, not from too far to not lose him, yet not from too close for him to not notice me. Well, he looked absorbed in his own world. We reached his house which was quite a nice place, he wasn’t as wealthy as we were, yet not poor, and his parents might earn enough for him to go to MAMA without worrying about the expenses.

Thanks to the researches we did on him through the week, I knew his parents weren’t at home on Friday night that was the reason why I had had to follow him instead of going directly to his home. I didn’t thought he would spend the night alone in this mansion, I had to recognize at least he wasn’t as cowardly as I thought he would be.

I walked up to his door and knocked on the door, without even asking who it was or the reason why I visited a kid staying alone for the night, he opened the door and gasped looking up at me. “Dae… I mean… Jung-sunbaenim!” I smirked to him and pushed him aside to step into his place. I looked around removing my coat; I put it on the hanger and started my visit. He followed me without daring to say something to me. How funny it was, it had been long time I had went do such things with my father and his gang. I climbed to the second floor and stopped in front a room which was opened contrary to all other doors which were closed.

“Is this your room?” I asked him pointing to the opened door and he nodded. I entered it and here again he followed me inside. Was that kid missing a part of his brain? Well, I felt glad he did so he hadn’t even thought about calling the cops. Once in his bedroom, I kept looking around and I found a picture of Junhong in a frame on his desk. I hold it and showed it to him; he blushed looking at his feet.

“You really do love Junhong, don’t you?” I asked smiling to him and he looked back at me, blushing even more.

“Yes sir,” he mumbled, smiling shyly.

“Is that why you kissed him?” he got the perfect reaction I had waited from him, his pupils dilated and he played nervously with the end of his shirt.

“…I made sure we were alone in the corridor…” he spluttered more for himself than for me I guessed. I turned round and continued my visit of his room, still holding Junhong’s picture.

“Did you know Junhong belongs to Bang Yongguk?

– Junhong-hyung doesn’t belong to anyone!” he burst to my back and I turned back to him. I pushed him against his desk which happened to be behind him. He whimpered and massaged his wrist, probably he just sprained it. I laid my two hands on his desks, trapping him between the desk and me.

“How dare you burst to me?” I hissed to his face and his shaking started to get more noticeable.

“I… I-I am sorry!” he whimpered trying to slip away.

“And what? You said Junhong didn’t belong to anyone?” this time he didn’t dare to contest what I was saying, “Junhong loves Yongguk-hyung, and Yongguk-hyung loves Junhong. It’s as simple as that.

– But I love Junhong-hyung too and he told me that he liked me! I can have my chance with Junhong-hyung too! Nothing is preventing me to…” he spit back to me, but even if his voice got weaker the more he spoke as I was glaring to him, I had to recognize he was right on this point.

“You have some guts, huh?” I smirked and he gulped, most probably trying to get rid of the dryness in his throat. “I like it, we’ll have some fun playing together,” I kept smirking to him as I moved my hand to grab the end of his shirt which I pulled up to remove it. “You said nothing was prevented you to try, and that’s the reason of my venue here.

– You can’t do anything to me! You’re in my house and… and my parents will come back soon!

– Do you think I’m stupid? I know your parents are out for a show.” I said and I started to unbuckle his belt after I got rid of his shirt.

“They-they will know it!

– And?” I chuckled while hanging and buckling his belt around his neck, making it look like a collar with a leash, “do you think I’m scared of your parents?” After his belt, I pulled down his pants, “don’t you know who my family is?” I kept asking him questions even if he wasn’t talking back to me anymore, slipping my finger in between his boxer and his skin, I pulled on it only to let the rubber band to smack against his skin. I grabbed him by his face, squeezing his cheeks which forced a pout on his lips, “well, well, well, where is gone your fierce look and determination? Don’t you want to have your luck with Junhong?

–mchhmch gmlchh...” I let go of his cheeks to let him talk, “Junhong-hyung wouldn’t approve what you’re doing right now…” he said, not that confident with his words as he was trying to convince himself.

“Don’t worry about that, he’ll never know.

– I will tell him!

– Then I just have to make sure you won’t.” I pushed him by his shoulders to lean him over his table and I took out my gun from my pants, I always put it in front my stomach so I was always sure I had it on me, and the band of my pants was keeping it in place.

The boy’s eyes widened when he noticed it and I smiled evilly to him, “will you kill me?

– Maybe.

– Please don’t!

– I can kill you, but you can also swear me you will never tell Junhong about our little encounter tonight.

– I swear!” he nodded eagerly, already half crying.

“Good boy,” I praised him patting his head with my free hand while I was resting my gun on his chest. “You can also swear you won’t try to seduce Junhong.

– I swear!

– No more hugs nor kisses.

– I won’t.

– Do you swear on the most important person in your life?

– I swear on my parents’ life that I won’t tell Junhong-hyung about today or trying to seduce him!

– Okay, I believe you. You’re really a good boy.” I praised him patting his head and he looked like he started to relax a bit. Grabbing him by his arm, I pulled him toward his bed and let him fall on it before I joined him there, “now you know for who you need to be worried if ever you try anything.” I smiled to him and straddled him.

“What are you doing? You said you would let me if I swore!

– No I hadn’t.” I smirked to him, and hold up my gun, “I said I wouldn’t kill you,” I removed all the bullets from it, letting it fall onto his chest, “but…” I took one bullet and put it back into my gun, “you still need to be punished for today.” He was looking at me with a frightened look, it had been so long I saw one like this, and it felt so good, it got me more excited by every second which passed by. “This is my beloved desert eagle, 3.54 inches,” I said proudly as I caressed his body with my golden gun, opening his legs with my free hand, I stopped when the muzzle was pressed against his rear’s entrance.

“You soil it, I kill you,” I muttered to him as I removed the safety lock and I pressed my gun into him. His face being distorted from pain was bringing back to me good memories I shared with my father, he escaped an adorable deafening scream but I suppressed it by blocking his mouth with my left hand. “Shhh, you don’t want to get me mad because of your whining,” I laughed to his face and kept ramming my gun into his admirable gluteus maximus. We spent the last part of the night playing together.

“I had fun” I cheered when he was no more answering, I cleaned my gun the best I could onto his blanket and I put it into his hands, sitting next him, I hold his arms and hands together to help him to aim at Junhong’s picture which had stayed on his desk, “pull” I whispered in his ear and apparently my teaching worked well as he didn’t even tried to contest my order and simply obeyed. The frame exploded and I laughed clapping, “good boy” I patted his head standing up and I helped him to lie back down onto his bed, I recovered his nude body with his soiled blanket. “Have sweet dreams” I smiled to him he didn’t even replied me, he simply shivered looking away.

I leaned forward and kissed the top of his head before leaving; never had I thought I would have that much fun by paying that kid a visit. Finally, I think I got a liking to the boy.

 

“Where were you Hyung?” Junhong scolded me when I came home late in the night; he was standing at the entrance, his arms crossed over his chest. Approaching him I flicked his forehead.

“Are you my mum?

– He’s not, but I’m your father.” My dad said stepping in and he stood next Junhong taking the same position, “where were you?” That was kind of funny, never my father had worried where I could have leave in the middle of the night, because if he really wanted to know something, he just had to ask his men who were his ears and eyes in the city.

“I don’t know, ask your men,” I grinned to him and taking out my gun I put it in his hands, on there remained a bit of blood and other stuffs that had been into that boy’s rear. “I need a new gun” I hummed and removed my shoes while they were both making a disgusted face.

“What have you done with your gun? Don’t you know it’s not supposed to be used in that way? Oh darling, what happened for our son to be like this?” he sobbed falsely looking up to the ceiling as if talking to my deceased mother.

“Chillax, I just had some fun,” I hummed happily winking to Junhong who motioned himself puking and he followed me, asking me over and over again where I had gone, but I kept silent over this matter. This was certainly something he didn’t need to know.


	49. Visit

_(ZELO POINT OF VIEW)_

Last day of school of the week had arrived and neither Himchan-hyung nor Yongguk-hyung had come back. I was sitting in Daejung’s kitchen. I ate my breakfast after I completed my preparation for school with the hope that I would be able to see them both there. I was about to finish my orange juice which I spit out when someone jumped on my back. Turning round I saw Yongnam-hyung hanging onto me, “come with me after classes today!” he said not leaving me any time to wonder why he was here or how he managed to get inside Daejung’s house.

“Where?

– Visit Gukkie!

– Can I? When I tried to visit him last weekend, they refused, saying only his family could visit him.

– And what am I?

– You’re his twin, but I’m not.

– I don’t care. You’re coming with me.”

I sighed shaking my head and wiped the juice I had spit over the table, “it’s not really for you to decide that…

– I’m quite disappointed you have that little faith in me.”

I looked up at him with a smile of hope, “will I be able to see him for real?

– Yeah,” he nodded patting my head.

“Thank you.

– You’re welcome, you need it.” I was kind of surprised by what he just said. I never thought he would worry for me. “And of course Gukkie needs it even more.” Yeah, that had been quite stupid to have this kind of hope. Yongnam-hyung was the kind of person to worry and care only about his twin brother. It was like every people on earth didn’t matter. Not that I wanted to be kind of special to him…

“What?” he grinned leaning in front me so he had his face right in front mine while I had been looking down to the table, busy cleaning it.

“Nothing…” I mumbled.

“Oh my, aren’t our little Junhongie jealous?” he laughed hugging me and I squirmed trying to pry him off me. He kept annoying me for a short amount of time which looked so long to me and I wondered how come there was no one around when I needed them. Finally he decided to leave after messing a last time with my hair I had spent so much time to brush…

In class I was withdrawing, wondering how it would go with me visiting Yongguk-hyung. Last weekend when I tried to visit him they refused me to even set a foot in the center. As it may be, because Yongguk-hyung was a rich kid, the center was well guarded. It felt more like I wasn’t allowed in because I wasn’t some well-known rich kid myself than not being from his family. Yet, that’s the excuse they used. No matter how long I tried to explain them that I knew Bang Yongguk in private, they just laughed at my face telling me to get lost. But I had also something else to worry about at the moment, and it was something huge: Bang Yongnam.

I hadn’t spent that much time with him alone and I didn’t know him that well. But from what I heard from my hyungs, he was some problem we had to be careful about. They said he was the one pulling Yongguk-hyung down into his tricks. Even though they were getting along, he was someone it was better to not hang around. Yongnam-hyung couldn’t live in society. When I asked them why, they all avoided answering me saying it was just because he was like this. But if he was why his twin wasn’t a bit like this? If it had been because of something he lived, and because they lived together, shouldn’t be Yongguk-hyung the same? Speaking about the wolf, he jumped into my classroom. Ignoring completely the teacher that had been giving lesson since half an hour already, he walked up to me. From the corner of my eyes, I noticed the teacher didn’t dare to say anything to him. So the other students were, and so was I. Yongnam-hyung came stand in front my table, I looked up at him and he was wearing a serious look on his face. Without knowing why, I felt scared something might have happened to Yongguk-hyung. “Can we take the bus to go there?” he asked out of the blue and I was out of word. I gave him a simple nod and he looked content with that answer. A huge smile appeared on his face as if I just promised a kid to take him to an amusement park. He left leaving every people in the room dumbfounded.

The more I thought about him, the more I realized how out of the reality he looked. He was so confident over everything he did. It was as if he was controlling everything so well that nothing could go wrong in whatever plan he would come up with.

After class I went to the basement and Himchan-hyung was back, in a wheelchair. “HYUNG! What happened to you?!” I burst jumping toward him and shook him by his shoulders.

“Aish! I’m fine, I’m fine, and it’s just my leg. There was a blocked door; I had to break it open.

– And you needed to break your leg too in the process?” I replied to him smirking and he flicked my forehead. Now Himchan-hyung was back, only were missing Yongguk-hyung and Dongyeon. I sent him messages and he replied me he caught a cold; I hope he would feel better soon. In the meanwhile, at school, everybody thought Yongnam-hyung was his twin. So for them it was like Yongguk-hyung wasn’t missing. Guess we were the only ones feeling like the school wasn’t the same without him.

After the classes, I did the usual round with Yongnam-hyung following me. He kept sighing loud enough to make me well understand he found it boring and useless. For him there were no use to do such a thing and we were just losing our time instead of being on our way to Yongguk-hyung. Finally we went to the bus stop next the school and waited. Yongnam-hyung looked at me with a weird expression, “shouldn’t we be taking the bus right now to go to the center?

– We’re waiting for the bus…” I blinked at him and he gasped.

“We’re what?

– waiting…

– What for?

– For the bus to come…

– How long?” he asked and I looked at the screen on which were the minutes left until the next bus would get there.

“10 minutes.

– You’re fucking kidding me!” he burst and if he hadn’t been grabbing people’s attention already, now they all had their eyes on us.

“Well… you can call your driver if you’d prefer. I would because it would be so much faster.

– No. We’re waiting. It’s thrilling after all, right? It’s part of the adventure…” He mumbled rubbing his hands together and he looked around like enough checking if the bus was coming.

“A-adventure?” I looked at him with big round eyes, “Hyung. Is this the first time you’re taking the bus?” I asked him but he didn’t reply. He kept looking around ignoring my question.

When it finally arrived, Yongnam-hyung whimpered to be the one sitting next the window and I sat next him. I had had just enough money for both of us and I hope he would at least drive me back to Daejung’s place after our visit.

I looked at Yongnam-hyung while he was looking through the window, watching the city passing by with an amazed gaze. He was quite cute, and I wondered if my other hyungs did already take the bus in their wealthy life. We weren’t living in the same world. I guess Yongnam-hyung had waited the whole day just for this moment. Thinking about it, I understood he may have never got the occasion to take the bus in his life before. It was cute. Somehow, witnessing Yongnam-hyung enjoying something as simple as that. It made him look more vulnerable, more human. In the end there were still things in life he didn’t know about and never experienced, of course he was still young and human. With a petite smile I looked in front me.

My thoughts went back to the center I hadn’t been able to get in last week. The more I thought about it, the more nervous I became. It had been a bit more than two weeks that I hadn’t seen him and the last time we saw each other, we hadn’t defined what our relation was like. What if he changed his mind? I guess that in detox he would undergo some brainwash. Because I had been the reason he had relapse, the Doctors may recommend him to stop seeing me. It involved his health after all.

I startled feeling a hand on my own. Turning my head to look at Yongnam-hyung who was smiling to me, I blinked at him. He wasn’t wearing his usual smirk, but this one smile was a real and a warm one, like Yongguk-hyung’s one.

"What are you worrying about?" he asked with a soft voice and he reminded me of Yongguk-hyung even more. Of course they were twins but I had never thought they were alike beside their face, until now.

“It… it’s just, it’s my fault.

– It is…” I had a mini-break down, how could he admit it without any hitch? I thought he was trying to cheer me up but guess I’d been wrong, “and so what?

– I… what if the doctors say he must not see me ever again because of this?

– What if? What will you do?” he asked me back and I needed a few seconds to think about it. I hadn’t thought about what I should do if that ever happened. Maybe that was the difference between him and me. He did thought of a way to react to any situation…

“I… I won’t see him…

– Why?” he kept asking me questions and I wondered if he was testing my love for his brother.

“Because it involves his health and it would be dangerous for him…” I mumbled and he burst in laugh, wiping his eyes, bringing attention to us again but it looked like he didn’t even noticed that.

“You’re funny,” he commented as a state of fact and was back at watching the scenery passing by through the window. I looked down at our hands as he had still mine in his own and that’s only now I noticed how warm his hand was. I calmed down and intertwined our fingers together before resting my head on his shoulder. Closing my eyes, I tried to block any negative thought out of my mind.

When we finally stepped out of the bus, I took a deep breath and heard Yongnam-hyung chuckling next me. The more we approached to the gate, the tighter I was holding onto his hand. I recognized the two guards who had refuse me to enter the first time. They tried to stop him but Yongnam-hyung ignored them and kept pulling me forward. The guards stopped there and said nothing more. Was everything that easy for him? So that was how he proceeded? I looked amazed at him. Yongnam-hyung was now busy asking the receptionist to announce our arrival to Yongguk-hyung. She called him and told us I wasn’t allowed to go to his room.

“Just go take a walk in the garden to chill out; I’m going to check on him.” Yongnam-hyung told me and the second after he was already off into the elevator. I felt like missing breath into the building so I followed his advice and went to the garden; by good luck the weather was quite nice.

It was the first time I saw a garden like this. There were mini bushes everywhere and it looked like a sort of labyrinth with benches here and there. I sat on one and waited, checking my phone almost every second, hoping it would go faster. I didn’t know how long I had to wait, but now I was alone again, I couldn’t help but to stress all over again. On spur of moment I felt a hand on my head and I looked up pretty fast and felt dizzy.

“He will be there soon,” Yongnam-hyung said sitting next me and I nodded, unable to word anything at the moment. He was there, I would see Yongguk-hyung soon and I felt like I wasn’t ready anymore. After six minutes and thirty seconds, Yongnam-hyung stood up and left, and I heard footsteps coming my way. It was him. I knew it. But how should I greet him? How should I act? Why hadn’t I thought about all this before, when Yongnam-hyung had ask me how I should react if Doctors didn’t want me to see him? Had I hope they wouldn’t so it would have given me more time to get ready for this meeting?

“Zelo?” my heart sank at the sound of his voice, in a slow motion, I looked up at him and there he was, smiling to me. Finally, how long had I waited for this moment? I loved him so much, and even more as he was taking care of what we should be doing so in the end I hadn’t to worry about it. He leaned forward, his fingers holding my chin up with delicacy, he pecked my lips.

“Hyung…” slipping my arms around his neck, I stood up and rested my lips on his. I felt his smile against my lips. His hands caressed my side before he finally locked his arms around my waist hugging me against his strong chest.

He was the one to break the kiss; he put his palms on my cheeks and stared at me in silent. I stared back at him, admiring his face. I have no idea how long we stayed in that position with doing nothing else than admiring each other’s face. He looked tired but still better than when I had found him in the basement, “I missed you Hyung…

– I missed you too Zelo-yah,” he said with a tired voice and pecked my lips again before pulling me back toward the bench I had been sitting on.

“When are you coming back?

– Soon.” He replied passing a hand in my hair. As brushing my worries away, but even though I wanted him to be here to get better, I also wanted him out of here as soon as possible. He looked in front him and took out a cigarette, not some weed but a normal one and I frowned at him.

“They said it was better for me to smoke this than something else…” he used this as an excuse and was about to light it.

“It’s better for you to not smoke anything at all.” I replied and he glanced at me chuckling.

“Then I will stop for you.” He said removing the killing stuff from his mouth and put it back in its package. He handed it to me and I could only blink at him. “Take it, so you will know I won’t smoke when you’re not here.” with cautious gestures, I moved my hands to take it and secured my fingers onto it. “You can trust me.”

I looked back up at him and somehow, I had the impression he wasn’t talking only about stopping smoking. I put the packet in my pocket and hugged his arm. “Thank you Hyung” I smiled and he removed his arm for me to hug his chest instead and for him to be able to rest his arm on my shoulders.

We talked for almost two hours. He told me about his life here, the exercises they asked him to do and I told him about school, and that his brother had enrolled himself in MAMA.

“Ah, yeah I know.” He chuckled.

“… and he said he was the director’s son.

– He is.” He smiled to me as if he had never neglected to tell me about it.

“And aren’t you?

– What question is that? He’s my twin, of course I am.” He laughed and I pouted.

“Why hadn’t you told me then?

– Well… my name is Bang, and so the Director’s one is …” I huffed at him and patted the top of my head, “is it that important? Does it change anything that you’re aware of it or not?” he asked me and of course he was right, it wouldn’t change anything between us.

“No… but still… you could have told me…

– Zelo…

– What?

– I’m the director’s son.” He said with a serious tone and even though I knew he was sick and tired, I couldn’t help but to punch –not that strong– his shoulder.

“Don’t make it a joke Hyung. I want to know more things about you.

– Like what?

– Like… I don’t know. I just want to know… more. All the other in the group know you since longer and they know a lot about you… I don’t know anything about your past… like you were junkie.

– It’s no big deal to know how I was or what I used to be. It wasn’t supposed to happen, the more important is to know how and who I am right now, don’t you think?

– Yes, Hyung,” I smiled to him nodding, “that what I want!

– For real? Then I have a solution for this.

– Yes, I want!” I burst excited about what he was about to propose me, I had been waiting for this moment since he promised me he would do it.

“Hmm?

– I want to live with you, Hyung.

– How do you even…” he chuckled shaking his head and leaned toward me to peck my lips. With the excitation I started to get hot all over and I had to reply to his kiss. Moving in a smooth act, I sat on his lap and slipped my hands through his short hair. “Hyung…” I moaned as I felt his hand slipping under my shirt and he started to caress my back while his lips were moving from my own to my neck.

He hummed kissing and licking my neck’s skin. I felt so aroused by feeling his lips in such a place, “you… you cut your hair” I breathed out and he chuckled, stopping to kiss me he looked up to me.

“You notice only now?” he half groaned, yet with a grin on his face, and I gasped as his hand was now on my inner thigh and moving upper. I felt my face burning as he was staring into my eyes with still his hand moving higher, and I felt scared.

I don’t think I was ready yet for it but I was in the incapacity to stop him right now.

What stopped Yongguk-hyung was his twin coughing to catch our attention. “It’s time to leave Junhong…” he said and we looked at him. I jumped off Yongguk-hyung lap in hast and nodded looking down to my feet. Yongguk-hyung stood up and held my hand. We walked until the gate in silent. I was kind of ill at ease. Yongnam-hyung had seen us in a strange position and doing strange things. I could feel it annoyed Yongguk-hyung he got disturbed but I felt glad he had. I couldn’t help but to think Yongnam-hyung knew I wasn’t ready and he had come to save me…. Or maybe I was imagining stuff and it was just a big coincidence.

Yongnam-hyung had called his driver. Yongguk-hyung laughed when he said he had fun riding the bus but waiting for it to arrive wasn’t worth the ride. I shook my head because when he talked about it with Yongguk-hyung it did sounded like it had been some tourist attraction for him.

After I got in the car, I looked at Yongguk-hyung who was standing next the gate. From here it did look like a little paradise on Earth. It was like everything that happened in the world didn’t affect this little place. “Come back to the school and take me to your place soon Hyung! I miss you already!” I burst to him from the opened window and a huge smile appeared on his face as he waved back at me.

I closed the window and sat next Yongnam-hyung when I couldn’t see Yongguk-hyung anymore. I looked at him and he was serving champagne glasses. That’s only when I realized how big the car was and that there was also a mini bar inside. “I can't drink Hyung, I'm underage.” I reminded him but it looked like it wasn’t perturbing his plan as he handed me one of the cup.

“And? We have to celebrate!” he cheered after he managed to get rid of the second glass by forcing it into my hand. He knocked his glass in a soft jingling against mine. He sipped on it and to thank him for everything he did for me, I decided myself to sip on it too, just a little.

“Just for you then, if you hadn’t been here I wouldn’t have been able to meet with Yongguk-hyung”. I told him, blinking. I didn’t know champagne was that strong?

“I’m glad.” He replied to me but it sounded like his voice was far away while he should have been sitting tight next to me.

“Hyung… what’s happening to me?” I asked him and I felt him taking the glass from my hands.

“Sleep,” he replied and I cursed at him mentally. I’m sure he had drug me! But why for? I felt myself falling forward and my head leaned onto what I thought to be his lap. His hand was soon in my hair petting my head and then I wasn’t in good state enough to understand what was happening around me.

When I woke up I was in someone’s bed, one thing was sure it wasn’t mine. I sat up in less time I should have watching around me and my head hurt a lot. I looked down at me and I still had the same clothes I had wear when I went to visit Yongguk-hyung. I wondered how long I had sleep as it looked like the sun was high in the sky. When I recovered enough, I stood up and walked to the door. Opening it a bit, I peeked into what happened to be the living and I could hear the TV running. I stepped into the huge room. Looking around in haze, everything was so clean, it looked like those house they put a picture of when they want to sell one. There were no decoration on the walls nor did anything showing that whoever was living here have any personality.

Walking to the sofa, someone was sitting here listening to the news on the TV. Finally that person looked at me and I recognized Yongnam-hyung. “Why did you drug me?” I asked him, getting in position to fight if ever I had to and he chuckled.

“Relax… we just need to talk over something.” He replied patting the place on the sofa next him.

“You’re scaring me Hyung…” I mumbled yet I made my way to sit next him.

“I like it when you call me Hyung.” A wide smirk was on his face and he took my hand in his own while he handed me his other one, “give me your other hand Junhong” his voice was soft. I was quite reticent to obey to him without contesting. But after what he’s done, it couldn’t be something bad…. I gave him my other hand and in less time I had to think about it, my two wrists got cuffed together. I found myself tied down to a bar into the sofa I think.

“What are you doing Hyung?!

– Are you scared?” he asked me while turning off the television. Now his voice was not soft anymore or did he sounded friendly. He grabbed a bag and opened it before taking a syringe out of it.

“If I wasn’t, now I am… can you stop please?” I begged him as he started tying a string around my arm, a bit above my elbow. He looked at me raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t be, I’m not a fool enough to kill you while my brother is that hooked up on you…” He replied and he pricked himself, emptying half of whatever was in the syringe into him. He held the syringe up right in front my face, “this is a truth serum.” I blinked at him and he sighed, “Ask me if I will kill you and I can only tell you the truth.

– Will you kill me?

– No… not yet at least.

– Not yet?!

– If you’re a threat to my brother I will have to.” He replied and I understood what he wanted to do. Even if that was wrong I suppose it was his own way to take care of his twin. I held my arm forward for him to prick me and he did it. I felt my arm becoming cold as the liquid was going into my system.

“How long it takes effect?

– Around an hour.

– So yours is still working?

– Yes.

– What happened between you, Yongguk-hyung and my mother?

– Did I tell you, you could ask question?

– I thought you could only say the truth.” I pouted and he rolled his eyes at me.

“That is only if I reply.

– If you don’t reply to my questions I won’t reply yours.

– I don’t want to tell you because we promised each other with my brother to not tell anyone. We don’t want people’s pity, but if you want to know that bad, you’ll have to ask him yourself. I don’t want to be the one to break your couple.” This time I was the one to raise an eyebrow at him and I motioned to the cuffs around my wrists. “Well, this it just to check if you’re as good as you want us to believe.

– You don’t trust me?

– Because you trust me?

– No,” I gasped after the answer left my mouth meeting no restriction; I covered my mouth with my two hands, so the serum was working for real? Even thought I had wanted to say ‘yes’ to get his trust, I couldn’t have lie.

“It’s not against you, with Gukkie we grew up being mistrustful to people around us, so now, my turn to ask you questions. Do you love my brother?

– Yes.

– How simple…” he mumbled and I decided to not pick on this one comment, “why? For his money? For his looks?

– Both.” I muttered to him and he frowned to me. I had to confess he was scary right now, I felt like he could be killing me in the instant if I didn’t explained myself better. “I love Yongguk-hyung for everything he is, if money and his look made him the way he is right now, then yes, I love both of it.

– If you had met me first, would you have fallen for me?

– No.

– Too simple… why?

– Because… you may be twins but you’re a lot different! The aura you’re wearing is different, and also your way to deal with people.” I frowned looking down to the ties.

“You know I’m doing this for my brother,” he sighed and I glared at him.

“I know but don’t you think it’s a tan too extreme.

– I only know how to live like this.” He shrugged.

“Why don’t you try another way?

– You kid!” he flicked my forehead, “you keep asking questions…

– You’ve been asking more questions than I did.” I puffed and at my biggest surprise he untied me. “You’re done asking your questions?” I asked looking at him turning on the TV.

“Yes.” I stared at him for a moment before leaning down and resting my head on his lap, “what are you doing?” he asked rising his hands above me as scared to touch me.

“I like you Hyung, you were just worried for your brother, and you’re someone nice.” I said leaning on my back and I looked up at him. He blushed and I chuckled, he put his hands on my face so I wouldn’t see him anymore but it didn’t stop me from laughing. Even though he had weird ways to get to the point, he could be cute sometimes. We kept watching the news and I found it so boring. I tried to talk with Yongnam-hyung, asking him question about the place we were in but I wondered if he ever heard me. He looked like immerged into what was happening on the television.

“You know your hyungs love you” he finally said after a moment, I was almost falling asleep.

“Yeah, I love them too... why?

– You know they could do everything for you.

– … yeah…

– But most of all, they would do everything for Yongguk’s happiness.” He said and I sat up, he rarely said his brother’s full name so it must be something serious he wanted to tell me right now. He finally turned his face to look at me and he caressed my cheek. “You’re part of what they consider as things or people if you prefer, they need to protect for his happiness…

– What have they done?” I asked and I felt my inners getting tighter, this wasn’t announcing anything good.

“Junhong-ah… you should be careful with the people you’re hanging out with.

– Did they do something to Wonshik?” I asked but he shook his head, “to Minrin?” but there again he shook his head, “that couldn’t be … Dongyeon?” I waited for him to shake his head but he did nothing of that. I had the impression the alcohol was hitting on me again, my head started spinning.

“The boy is alright… well, he’s alive at least.

– What happened to h…” I stopped myself mid-sentence as images came back to my mind.

“Looks like you knew about it but didn’t want to believe it…” he said and I stood up all at once.

“I feel bad Hyung…” I said rubbing my stomach and I hadn't even finished my sentence, he had stood up to bring me to the toilet so I could throw up. He stayed next me rubbing my back and he made me wash my head in the shower after. He brought me back to the living and sat me on the sofa, “why…” I mumbled looking at him as he petted my hair.

“I heard them talking about the boy hitting on you while my brother was away.

– He… he has feelings for me but I told him I loved Yongguk-hyung…

– Do you think that would stop him from trying to hit on you?

– He’s innocent…

– I heard he kissed you too…

– It was… it was just to comfort me… he knows I love Yongguk-hyung.” I said, words leaving my mouth with difficulty as I realized what Yongnam-hyung was trying to explain.

“Even though, you shouldn’t have let him do that, and from now on you should beware of your actions….

– I won’t. I’ll make Daehyun-hyung pay for what he did to Dongyeon.” I threatened my hands turning into fists on my sides.

“Are you silly?

– He can’t do something like this to someone who’s innocent.

– It seems like he’s not as innocent as you thought. An innocent boy wouldn’t have kissed someone who’s already involved with someone else…

– It was an innocent kiss!” I burst to him and before I could understand what was happening, he grabbed my face and the second after his lips were on mine, I pushed him off me.

“What are you doing?!

– It was an innocent kiss.” He shrugged and I wiped my lips staring at him amazed.

“You’re everything but innocent Hyung…

– You want to make Daehyun pay for his actions and you think it’ll stop like this?

– I …

– He’s mafia, you stupid kid.” He flicked my forehead but even thought he was saying that, I still didn’t want to concede. That couldn’t be an excuse for everything… “I have to agree, next to the others, he might appear wise and calm but he is mafia!” Yongnam-hyung said detaching every syllable of his last words.

“That doesn’t give him the right to-

– Of course that gives him the absolute right to! For him, what he did to that boy was just frightening him. Don’t think of it as torture… don’t make things become worst.

– But … what can I do?

– Don’t talk about this matter to Yongguk, because he sure will make a move on Daehyun. He knows you care about the boy and you’re first even before me for my brother.

– Am I?” I blinked at him blushing, was I that important to Yongguk-hyung?

“Don’t talk about this matter to Daehyun either; he will think the boy told you while he might have make the boy promise to not utter a word. Don’t talk about this matter to Himchan or Jongup and especially not to Youngjae.

– … I didn’t ask you what I shouldn’t do…” I mumbled to him, the more he talk, the more I felt like I couldn’t do anything about it and that in the end I should act like nothing happened. It sounded like some bad fate we can’t escape to.

“Just be there for your friend. He won’t tell you Daehyun did this, I’m quite sure Daehyun made him well understand to not tell anyone.

– You knew about all this and did nothing?” He didn’t reply and instead he just stood up. He went to look into his papers on a desk. He came back with one which he handed to me. “Since the moment my brother took you in the group, you should have known…

– What should I have known?” I asked taking the paper he was offering me and on it had been wrote an address.

“The bond we’re sharing is … quite special and now you’re part of it. Everything you’re doing will imply your hyungs and it will just hurt other people if you’re too involved with them. I let you imagine what it could be for Daehyun with his family… that’s the reason why he’s always saying it’s none of his or our business.

– I refuse to let his going on.” I shook my head, that couldn’t be true. I had to choose between Yongguk-hyung and the rest of the world? If I kept being with him I wouldn’t be able to see and talk with people? I’m sure I could live like this, but I would if I chose it and not only because my hyungs would freak out at any people approaching me.

“I hoped you would say that” Yongnam-hyung smiled patting my head. “This is that boy’s address” he said pointing to the paper in my hands. So here again I had been wrong, he hadn’t stay with doing nothing. He had done nothing but his own researches because it was my duty to take care of it.

“Why are you helping me with this? Aren’t you a part of their bond?

– Ours?

– What?

– Our bound…

– … aren’t you a part of our bond?

– You already changed them a lot. I believe you can do better.

– I hadn’t changed them…

– You changed my brother and it’s the same as changing them.

– … thank you Hyung,” I hugged him and stood up. I made my way to the exit and left what I ended by guessing to be his apartment.


	50. Tell me

_(ZELO POINT OF VIEW)_

I ran out of the apartment and it’s only once in the middle of the deserted corridor that I noticed it was already noon. I hadn’t eat and hadn’t any money left to take the bus. Moreover, I had no idea where I was. I had been too immersed in Dongyeon's affair that I had completely lost any notion of reality. It must be one of the aftereffects of hanging out with Yongnam-hyung for too long. But for now I had no other choice than to rely on him. I wanted to call him but my phone was running out of battery. Turning round, I walked back to his apartment’s door and knocked. I was scared he would be too absorbed into the news on TV to hear me, but he wasn’t long before opening the door.

“Hyung…” I mumbled looking down and he finally stepped aside so I could enter in his apartment.

“How do you want me to not give in to you when you call me like this,” he sighed passing an arm over my shoulders after he closed the door behind me.

“I’m hungry, my phone is out of battery and I don’t have money left for the bus…” I mumbled looking down to my feet. I hated to be begging for this kind of stuff. I wanted to be able to take care of my own, but every time I tried to, I just completely failed.  I heard him chuckling and he ruffled my hair.

“You’re so helpless aren’t you…” he laughed walking to another room and I followed him into what happened to be the kitchen. “You can plug your phone there…” he pointed to a corner of the kitchen where there was ton of links. In the middle of which I managed to find one that could fit on mine.

After plugging my phone, I sat at the table and looked at Yongnam-hyung’s back while he was cooking something for me. I rested my head on the table and I let myself imagine he was his brother and that I would be living with him like this soon. I just had to be a bit more patient, and every morning I would be able to live that moment. I couldn’t refrain from a smile to appear on my face and I felt so happy I would soon live with my Hyung. I had to rub my face to come back to reality, yet the smile was still there.

“What are you thinking about…?” Yongnam-hyung laughed setting a plate with scrambled eggs and a slice of bacon.

“Yongguk-hyung said I’ll be living with him when he comes back!” I cheered and engulfed a fork full of food into my mouth after I thanked him. He hummed in answer and left the kitchen. I looked at him wondering what was wrong with him but decided to not worry myself over it. For now I would have enough to worry with Dongyeon. I finished my plate and placed it into the sink and went back to the living. Yongnam-hyung was back on the sofa, watching a news channel on TV.

“Ah yeah…” he said standing up, even though I had say nothing. He came back to me, grabbing his wallet on his way which had been on a table and he took out a few bills which he handed to me.

“That’s too much Hyung! I don’t need that much to take the bus!

– Because you think you’ll take the bus? I’ll call a taxi for you.

– Hyung… had you ever take a taxi? It doesn’t cost that much…

– You paid for the bus to the center.

– Even though-

– Do you plan on being pain in the ass for long?” He cut me short placing the bills in my hands and grabbing me by my shoulders he pushed me toward the door and out of his apartment. “Now go!” he closed the door and I blinked at it. I knocked on the door and leaned my head against it.

“Hyung… my phone…” a short moment after the door was being opened again, Yongnam-hyung glaring to me and handing me my phone. I guess it was time for me to leave him alone. I bowed to him and left running. When I reached the outside, a taxi was already here waiting for me. I gave him Dongyeon's address and checked my phone. I had no news from Dongyeon so I decided to send him a message.

 

> ✉To Dongyeon : Are you okay? I’m on my way to your place :)
> 
> ✉From Dongyeon : Hyung … You can’t come to my place right now…
> 
> ✉To Dongyeon : Why? :(
> 
> ✉From Dongyeon : Because… Just… you can’t…
> 
> ✉To Dongyeon : Too late, I’m already in front your house now so you’ll have to explain me why I can’t come face to face.

I locked my phone and slide it into my pocket before ringing the bell. Taking a look at his house, it was pretty huge; no wonder he was the rich kind of kid also. In the end, rare was the case when someone at MAMA would be there only because they had good grades. I rang the bell again but I still didn’t get any answer. It looked like there was no one at home. Was it why Dongyeon had told me I couldn’t come?

Because of what happened, I had to make sure of it. I wandered around the house and there was one window which looked like it was housing someone inside. I supposed for it to be Dongyeon's room and there was only way to be sure of it. Pulling up my sleeves, I started to climb onto the frontage. When I finally reached the window, I placed my hand on it and tried to look into the dark room, someone was leaning on the bed. I hoped for that person to be Dongyeon or I might get in troubles again. I knocked against it and the person startled, probably panicking and turned on the light after looking at me.

My eyes needed time to get used to the strong light coming from the room, and while this time the window was being opened. “Hyung…” Dongyeon's voice called out and I felt him trying to pull me inside by my arm. I got inside and finally the dark point in the middle of my vision disappeared and I could see clear again. When I looked at his face there was no doubts he had been crying. Without saying a word I hugged him and he cried against my chest, his whole body shaking in my arms.

He cried his lungs out for I don’t know how many hours. I could see it was getting late by the room getting darker than it was already in the beginning of the afternoon. He finally fell asleep while we were leaning in his bed, him snuggling against me, and I soothing him by rubbing his back up and down. Meanwhile he was sleeping, I took a look around his room not moving from the bed. My eyes wandering around, and it could look like a normal teenage boy’s room without that picture of me on his desk. It first surprised me that Dongyeon had a picture of me, but taking a better look at it, I noticed remains of a bullet hole.

A shiver ran down my spine as images of Daehyun-hyung being in this room came to my mind. The images got mixed to the ones I had of him coming back home that day. I shook my head trying to get rid of it. In truth, I didn’t want to know, but I sort of had to. What would I be able to do without knowing anything about what had happened?

When he woke up, Dongyeon started to cry again as soon as he opened his eyes. “Shhh, Dongyeon-ah… listen to me…” I tried to make him stop crying, even if I knew it was easier to say than to do. I couldn’t stay without doing anything. “I heard about what happened … I’m so sorry, everything happening to you is my fault…”. Imight be some unlucky guy no one should approach if they didn’t want to get hurt… . But then I wondered why it happened only to Dongyeon and nothing had ever happened to Wonshik.

He shook his head at what I said to refute it. “It is… if I hadn’t talk to you in the first place you wouldn’t have suffer this much… with the gang… and with… Daehyun-hyung”. I said with a sad voice but he kept shaking his head.

“I’m … I’m so happy you… you talked to m-me…” his voice was that weak, it pained me so much having to listen to it.

“Dongyeon… you need to tell me what happened exactly with Daehyun-hyung…

– He didn’t do a-anything to m-me! It-it’s not him!!

– I know you’re scared of what he could do to you or your family, but I’m on your side. I won’t let him do anything to you… trust me.” I said with a confidence I never knew I was holding but he stayed silent, as if thinking in a serious way about my proposition. Or not knowing how to refute me this time. “Nothing will happen to you if you stay by my side.

– I’m not… always with y-you…

– I’ll make sure no one ever touch you anymore, but for this I need to know what he did to you.

– N-nothing…” he said looking elsewhere, avoiding my eyes.

“This isn’t anything!” I started to yell pointing a finger at the picture of me on his desk, but regretted it when I saw the scared look in his eyes. “And don’t even try to make me believe you were the one to do it…” I softened petting his hair.

“I was the one to pull though…” he mumbled blushing and I didn’t know if I had to believe him for that or not.

“Please Dongyeon… I want to help you…

– Don’t do a-anything then…

– I need you to help me on this.

– I … I c-can’t Hyung!! P-please Hyung… d-don’t hate m-me…” he started to cry again and I pulled him back into a hug.

“Alright, I’m sorry. It’s okay, I won’t ask you this question anymore…” I felt useless and hopeless. Yongnam-hyung had warned me Dongyeon wouldn’t want to talk to me. But I had refused to believe it until Dongyeon would say it by himself. What could I do then to help him? More than just being by his side...

The two next days that followed, I stayed at his place, taking care of him. I had call Daejung, saying I was taking care of a sick friend, not saying anything about his son behind the cause of the sickness. I still didn’t know that much about what happened between the two. But at first Dongyeon couldn't walk on his own without difficulty. On the third day he finally could and looked a bit better, not that much, but at least it was always better than the previous day. “Let me know when you’ll be back at school” I told him leaving his house. In the end, I left without knowing what Daehyun-hyung had done to him, only being able to presume things. I had no clue about what Daehyun-hyung had told him. I couldn’t go to him telling him to not do that to Dongyeon again without knowing what had happened exactly. I knew him too well about that; he would play the idiot and ask about which thing I was speaking about…

 

Leaving in the morning, I was back at school on the third day, not sure that I was ready to face my hyungs in this state. I knew that little about Yongguk-hyung and thinking about it, I didn’t know that much more about my other hyungs… . I went to the basement but none of them were there yet. Himchan-hyung was the first to get there, and he was still in a wheelchair, having some hard time to deal with it alone.

“Isn’t Jongup-hyung with you?

– He doesn’t live with me.” He chuckled, sitting on the sofa and kicked his wheelchair away – which only made a little turn on itself and ended in the middle of the room.

“I thought you were by now… why aren’t you?” I asked standing up from Yongguk-hyung’s chair and went to place the wheelchair in a corner.

“His parents would wonder and ask question about the place he lives in, and he doesn’t want them to know about our relationship…

– Oh…” I nodded remembering what Jongup-hyung had told me about his family and Himchan-hyung’s one. Thinking about it, I got an idea which might give me more time to think about a better plan to save Dongyeon. “Will I be able to visit your place one day Hyung?

– Hmm? Of course, come whenever you want.” He smiled to me.

“Can I tonight?

– Tonight? … hmm, alright.” He said a little suspicious but I just had to beam at him for him to not over think it too much. I didn’t felt ready to go back to Daejung’s place already. I needed a place to stay away from Daehyun-hyung. Staying that much time alone with Dongyeon, I got now a different vision about my hyung and it scared me. I couldn’t stay at Dongyeon's place because he needed to rest. And Daehyun-hyung would have suspect about us to prepare something. The same I couldn’t go to Daejung, I couldn’t go to Youngjae-hyung’s place. The possibility to meet Daehyun-hyung there was too high. I just needed a few days.

I was telling Himchan-hyung how amazing it was to meet with Yongguk-hyung when my other hyungs arrived. Jongup-hyung went to Himchan-hyung while Youngjae-hyung and Daehyun-hyung came to sit next to me. I was surrounded and scared. I thought back about Dongyeon and how much he had been scared about me speaking with Daehyun-hyung. It was like I finally realized who my hyung was and how dangerous he could be. Even though I knew he was on my side and would never hurt me, my body looked like it didn’t agree with me. I was completely frozen, unable to speak, unable to move, sitting in an awkward straight posture between them.

“Zelo?” Jongup-hyung came to kneel in front me, “are you feeling alright? You’re pale…” he commented shaking my knees and I blinked at him.

“I… I’m alright…” I mumbled.

“You’re sure?” Youngjae-hyung asked me and I felt Daehyun-hyung’s hand coming on my forehead to check my temperature. A shiver ran down my spine under his touch and all my muscles tensed up, making me stand up faster than what I intended. Himchan-hyung frowned at me.

“You don’t have fever…” Daehyun-hyung said. I walked toward the exit and turned back to them. I saw Daehyun-hyung had his hand on his own forehead to compare our temperature.

“I… I’m going to meet Wonshik” I mumbled, trying to speak as natural as I could. I had just enough time to turn round before the door came right into my face by itself. Tears of pain came to my eyes and I couldn’t see who just entered the room.

“WOW! Zelo! Are you okay?” I heard Yongnam-hyung’s voice and felt hands grabbing me by my shoulders.

“Yeah Hyung, I’m okay” I mumbled, trying to get rid of the dizziness.

“Hadn’t I told you already to be more gentle when opening doors you brute?! You never know if someone is standing behind!” Himchan-hyung scolded Yongnam-hyung who, strange enough, didn’t retort anything back.

“It’s okay hyung.” Finally the pain was gone and my vision was back, I patted Yongnam-hyung’s shoulder and started to leave but he caught me by my arm.

“Where are you going?

– To meet with Wonshik.

– Oh… okay” he said and let go of me so I could leave.

 

“Where were you theses two past days?” Wonshik asked me after a bunch of girls decided to let us at peace.

“To Dongyeon's house.

– How is he?

– Bad.

– That bad?

– Yes…

– What sickness is it?

– Hmm, I would call it: misfortune.

– What’s that?” he looked at me as thought I was crazy and I stopped walking to look back at him. We stayed in the middle of the corridor looking at each other for a few seconds, “is that kind of sickness with a gun in the back pocket?” I nodded and started to walk again, Wonshik following me. “What happened?

– I don’t know about the details, but he may have been kind of raped…

– He’s so sweet… what on Earth has he done to upset Daehyun-sunbaenim?

– Too sweet for my hyung I suppose...

– Just that?” I nodded and he rubbed his arms to suppress this shiver making a few hairs he had there to stand up straight, “Wow, so scary…

– Something that annoys me is that I’m kind of scared of him too now…

– Junhong… I don’t think one of them would be able to hurt you… not in that purpose at least.

– I know. I’m aware of it, but it’s like my body and brain don’t agree on this one point.

– What if you talk to your other hyungs?

– They would tell Daehyun-hyung too.

– And what about Yongguk-sunbaenim?

– He will kill him for sure… what Daehyun-hyung had done is horrible, but somehow, I don’t want him to die…

– Hmm, it’s quite difficult…

– What is difficult?” Minrin asked joining us and smiled at both of us, waiting for one to explain the whole situation to her.

“Today’s math’s exercises are!! I don’t understand anything at alllllll” I whined hanging myself onto her arm, begging her to let me copy on her, she sighed and agreed. I released her and that’s only then I understood what Yongnam-hyung had meant. When he told me to be careful of how to be around others. Actions which could be seen as bad by my hyungs… but I didn’t want to be aware and careful about everything I did or said.

 

When classes were over I waited for Himchan-hyung at the school’s gate. I didn’t want to meet with my other hyungs just yet, and I knew he was always the first to leave so I didn’t need to go wait for him at the basement.

“Did you wait long?” I turned round and saw Himchan-hyung rolling to me, giving me an apologetic smile.

“Not at all,” I shook my head and approached him, standing behind his wheelchair, “let me help you.” I said and started to push him after he accepted.

“Thank you,” he moved his head backward to look at the sky but he looked at me instead, smiling and I gave him back his smile. I pushed him to his car where his driver took the relay to set him into the car. I turned around the car, and sat next Himchan-hyung.

We didn't talk that much during the ride. Glancing at him at one time, I noticed we were both busy to look at the scenery passing by. The car drove through the city until we reached a sort of small village within the city. It looked like a sort of natural park, where we would settle a zoo, but instead of cages with animals, there were houses. I guessed the huge gate we just passed was the only entrance to this part of the city I had never been able to go in before. It was holding this holidays feeling. Where everything is pretty and well preserved. Trees, flowers and fountains where decorating this small village here and there. The streets were beige-color paved and clean. Flowers were ornamenting the infrastructures while the trees decorated the village here and there.

“You live in that park Hyung?”

He kind of coughed which made me move my gaze away from the amazing scenery and I noticed he was blushing, “in fact it’s… it’s my domain.” He mumbled looking down to his lap.

“WHAT?!!!” I burst that sudden it even startled the driver. I apologized and he chuckled saying it was nothing, while this time Himchan-hyung had turned a darker shade of red. “I did hear you were wealthy but … that much … so … do you own the city?” but instead of replying me Himchan-hyung kept his eyes to his knees.

“Don’t you know the name of the young master?” I turned my head to the driver who just asked me the question; he was looking at me through the rear-view mirror.

“Kim… but there’s so many Kim. I didn’t know it was the mayor Kim!” I complained, Himchan-hyung’s blush being contagious it got to me.

“Ha ha, you’re right” the driver chuckled and focused back on the road. I look at Himchan-hyung who was avoiding my eyes, watching outside with a slight frown on his face and I wondered if I just hurt his feelings. I felt shy calling his name to apologize but his gaze remained on the window and I understood it wasn’t time to talk anymore so I let him alone.

After a certain time, because the driver couldn’t drive too fast into the domain. We reached a Japanese castle in the middle of all the Korean style houses.

“My mother is Japanese, so my father built our house this way for her so she wouldn’t feel homesick…”. Himchan-hyung explained me and I turned my amazed gaze back at him.

“Your father is so romantic.” Himchan-hyung chuckled but when we heard the driver chuckling he stopped. When this last one left the car to go open the car’s door for us, Himchan-hyung grabbed my arm to get my attention.

“Junhong-ah, listen to what I’ll say.” He said with a serious tone and I nodded. “Don’t act so friendly to my workers.

– Why?

– You’re my friend so they consider you the same status as me. I can’t act friendly with them.

– Why can’t you?

– I’m their boss Junhong… I’ll explain you later, just do as I told you. Ignore them.” He mumbled while his driver opened his door and he shut his mouth since that moment. At the same time someone opened my door and I exited the car. I was about to thank the man who opened the door for me but I managed to refrain myself to do so in time. I joined Himchan-hyung’s side. I followed him and lady pushing his wheelchair into the immensity of the mansion in front us. Corridors after corridors, we finally reached what I guess to be Himchan-hyung’s bedroom. There were maids who were setting a table and others making his bed in which I think we could at least fit four people.

“Get out.” Himchan-hyung’s voice was dry and firm. All maids bowed to us and left the room. I looked at Himchan-hyung locking the door and heard a deep sigh coming from him before he turned back to me, “well, this is my room.” He informed me, his cheerfulness back in his voice. I looked around me amazed. It felt like being in one of those ancient Japanese houses, the ones we could see in history manual at school. At the exception of computers, TV and other stuff that belonged to my hyung.

“Wow… your room is Daebak Hyung!” I turned thumbs up to him and he offered me a shy smiled in exchange. While I had been admiring his room, he had rolled to his bed and hissed himself onto it. I went to sit next him.

“You’re my first friend coming to my place this way…” he said lost in thought.

“Am I? What about Yongguk-hyung and Jongup-hyung?

– Yongguk and Yongnam brought me here after I saved them, and Jongup doesn’t have the right to come here… at least not from the main entrance.

– Jongup-hyung told me he didn’t want his parents to know about your relationship…

– Yes, everyone knows each other in the domain. Jongup lives in what we could call the poorest district. It’s socially impossible for us to be friend. The social distinctions outside are nothing compared to what it is here, we can’t mix between ourselves…

– I don’t like that…

– Neither do I.

– How do you then?

– We have secret passage of course.” He smirked to me, proud of himself and I chuckled at his reaction.

– And what did you mean by, you saved Yongguk-hyung and Yongnam-hyung?

– That’s right, you don’t know about this… I wonder if I should be the one to tell you… Didn’t Yongguk tell you anything about himself?

– Not really… He said it wasn’t that important for me to know about his past.

– He’s kind of right, past is the past.” Himchan-hyung commented looking straight in front him. In that right instant he looked more like he wanted to forget some past he didn’t want to get reminded about.

“But I want to know…” I mumbled. That bothered me to bring back something that might be bad memories to Himchan-hyung. But I couldn’t help than to still want to hear about it.

“You want?

– I want to know everything about all my hyungs!

– All truth aren’t good to be said or to be heard” he chuckled, “but I guess its okay for me to tell you a few. When I was younger, I used to be bullied.” I gasped, never would I have guess for anyone to bully my hyung, even after he told me that I couldn’t imagine it. “Other kids were jealous of me because their parents kept praising me. But don’t get fooled, they didn’t praise me for myself, but only because I was my parents’ son. In the winter of my sixth year, some kids chased after me and somehow I ended up on the frozen lake. The ice was menacing to crack under me and that’s the first time I saw them, under the ice.” I had quite some hard time to guess what he was speaking about, but I let out another gasp. That couldn’t be. “Strange isn’t it? So I jumped on the ice over and over again, that’s how I saved them and until now they always remained by my side.”

“This…” no words came to me to explain this horror, never would I have imagined for Yongguk-hyung to have such a hard life as a kid.

“Don’t…” I looked at Himchan-hyung with big round eyes. “Don’t pity him Zelo-yah… If you want my opinion, he didn’t want to tell you because he doesn’t want you to pity him.” I nodded closing my mouth and he patted my head. “There’s also something I wanted to ask you.

– Whatever you want Hyung.” I smiled to him.

“Did-” but he go interrupted by knock on the door, and a voice came from the other side of it. “Young master, it’s time for your daily re-education exercise.

– Go Hyung, it’s important. I’ll be waiting for you here.” I stood up and helped him to sit back in his wheelchair. Sitting back on his bed, I looked through the window, the weather looked nice but if I went for a wander I would get lost.

“You can go for walks in the domain if you want to, don’t forget to take your phone with you. I’ll call you when I’m done.” I looked back at him and he was smiling to me. He clenched the door and left. Checking that my phone was in my pocket and had battery, I left his room not that long after him. First problem I got, I couldn’t find the exit so I asked help from the first maid I met.

“Excuse… You! Where is the exit?” I almost forgot about how Himchan-hyung asked me to behave. But then I wondered if I had to even when I wasn’t by his side…

“Follow me sir, I’ll show you the path.” I followed the girl, feeling quite bad for her. I wasn’t used to speak in any harsh way to people. Once we were outside I couldn’t refrain myself to smile at her and she looked shocked at me, blushing.

The domain was beautiful, everything was well-maintained. I don’t know how long I wandered in there, but one thing was sure, I wouldn’t be able to get back to Himchan-hyung’s place on my own. I arrived at what appeared to be a park, or maybe was it someone’s garden, I couldn't tell. I noticed nothing delimited the houses, like barriers and such as in the outside world. Because it sure was a different world from the one I came from. So in this park, there were kids around my age playing. “Hey you! You’re new here?” A girl burst to me, moving a hand, allowing me to step into the garden.

“Yes… I’m kind of lost right now…” I chuckled rubbing the back of my neck and they joined me. They were three girls and two boys.

“Happened to each one of us when we got here” one boy said.

“Do you want to play with us? We’re missing someone to complete our team,” the other boy asked me.

“Yeah, sounds funny. What game are you playing?

– Football!” the girl who had shout to me earlier, exclaimed. That one was damn loud.

“Its boys against girls,” one of the two other girls explained.

“Isn’t it too unfair this way?” I laughed looking at the girls.

“Watch your mouth!” The loud girl slapped my shoulder quite hard and I rubbed it.

“Ouch, are you sure you’re a girl?” I teased her acting like it did hurt.

“YAH!” They all laughed while the girl slapped me again, but the other arm this time.

 

“I’m sure now… You’re anything but a girl,” 4 – 1 for the girls, I was running for the loud girl chasing me to not catch me. But at one time she managed to jump on my back and I spin on place to make her dizzy and we both fall on the ground. Others came to lean next us.

“You’re funny!” one boy said and I was about to answer him when my phone rang. It was Himchan-hyung.

 _“Oh Hyung, are you done?”_ I asked out of breath.

_“Yeah… How was your walk?_

_– Great! I liked it a lot!_

_– Good, where are you now?_

– Where are we?” I asked to the girl next me.

“The Blue Bird Park,

_– I’m at the Blue Bird Park._

_– … are you with someone?_

_– I met some guys._ ” I said looking at the loud girl who slapped my chest and I heard Himchan-hyung sighing at the other side of the phone.

“ _You remember what I told you about speaking with people here?_

_– It’s okay Hyung, they’re nice._

_– Don’t move from where you are. I’m coming._

– Okay I’ll wait you here.” I said but he had already hung up, he sounded upset and I wondered if he annoyed him that much I had been playing with those guys.

“Which district are you living in?” one of the girl asked me after I hung up.

“I….” Now I couldn’t help but to think about Himchan-hyung being upset.  I had invited myself over to his place and he had accepted for me to wander around in his domain and I would only bring him problems…

“You can say it. We don’t care about this social shit.” One of the boys smiled to me.

“For real? Truth is that I don’t live here…” I said waiting for their reaction. I had no idea if I was allowed to say such a thing. But those ones sounded nice so in my opinion there was no problem in telling them that.

“Ah yeah? How did you come in then?

– With a friend.

– Wow, you’re so courageous!

– Why that?

– We can’t invite people from the outside here…

– Did you hide in your friend car’s trunk?” They were becoming excited, maybe thinking about my coming as some spy work.

“No… I was sitting next my friend, at the back of his car.

– … hadn’t guards say anything when you passed the domain’s entrance?” they sounded less excited and a bit more worried, but still as curious.

“They didn’t check inside the car.” They looked at each other before looking back at me.

“Who is your friend?

“Well I think you know who he might be, his name is Kim Himchan.” I said and they burst into laughing.

“You’re so funny!” they hold their stomachs and I looked at them amazed, not understanding what was so funny about it.

“The young master doesn’t have friends.” One of the girls said and I frowned.

“Does everyone here call him young master?

– Yes, master is Mr. Kim and young master is his only child.

– Oh…” Thinking about it, I hadn’t met his parents and I wondered where they were.

“Did you already see him?” the loud girl asked me, her cheeks becoming pinkish. I nodded and they all gathered nearer to me. “What does he look like?

– You never saw him?” I asked them back, surprised. After all they were living in the same domain that was impossible for them to not meet even one time. But they shook their head. “You live almost together and you never saw him?

– Hadn’t you see the size of this domain? And we’re not allowed to go in certain part of it…

– Moreover, the young master doesn’t hand out in the domain. We can only see him at the Kim Party, which happens only one time a year, and there also we’re not allowed to approach him. So we can only see him from afar…” The name of the party sounded familiar. It was the same Jongup had told me about, the first time he met with Himchan-hyung.

“Well, we know he has black hair and heard he’s handsome,” one guy said but all the others weren’t listening him at all. Their attention was on something else.

“Slowly… watch behind you.” The loud girl whispered to me, and I thought I got caught by some cops, so as he told me, I took all the time to turn round and that’s when I saw his car.

“It’s the young master private car…” At the same time I received a message.

> ✉ From Himchan-hyung : Get in the car.

I stood up and they all looked at me with round eyes, “where are you going?” they asked me scared as if I was about to do something bad that would bring them problems.

“It was nice to play with you guys” I chuckled looking at the loud girl, but this time she didn’t dare to slap me again. I walked to Himchan-hyung’s car and got in. Before I opened the door I could hear them

“So he hadn’t lie…

– Wow… we played with Kim Him Chan’s friend…

– Others won’t ever believe us…”

 

“I’m sorry Hyung, I didn’t think about your situation when I started to speak with them…” I apologized to him. I thought I would be facing an angry Himchan-hyung, but instead he smiled to me and petted my head.

“It’s okay Junhong-ah. You’re not used to it, and I hope you will never be” he said and caressed my cheek before turning back his head to watch outside. I came nearer to hug him and he hugged me back.

“How was your rehabilitation today?

– It went fine, it’s becoming easier every day, but it’s still not that.” He said absorbed in playing with my hair.

“What if you try to be nice with people here?” I asked him after a short time, thinking back about the guys I played with. They sounded nice and told me they didn’t mind the social stuff Himchan-hyung worried about.

“They will use me.” I looked up at him, not moving my head away from his shoulder and he still was watching outside, a sad expression on his face. “You thought I never tried?” he chuckled in a bitter way. His eyes following people who were walking outside. They stopped to look at Himchan-hyung’s car with round eyes. I guess others were right. Himchan-hyung didn’t go that often onto his domain, which would explain why they all looked surprised.

“I’m sorry Hyung.

– Don’t be sorry for the situation I’m in, I was born like this. Right now, I’m happy because you’re here,” finally he removed his eyes from the window to look at me.

 

“What was that you wanted to ask me earlier?” I waited for us to be back in his room with no one around to ask him this question. Again, we had walked into this room, accompanied by his maids and I still hadn’t met his parents. Were they out the country?

“Did something happen with Daehyun?” I froze hearing my hyung’s name and stopped worrying about Himchan-hyung’s parents. I gulped, yet said nothing. “What’s happened Junhong?

– I’m not sure if I can tell you…

– Don’t you trust me?

– I trust you but…

– Had Daehyun done something to you?

– Not me…

– Who then?

– Gwak Dong Yeon…

– Ah, that boy… Had he done something bad?

– I don’t think it was something bad… or at least with wrong intentions… . But when I told him I was sad I couldn’t talk with Yongguk-hyung, he… he kissed me.

– And Daehyun saw it?” Himchan-hyung didn’t sound chocked by what I said, or maybe he was hiding it well.

“I think Daehyun-hyung, Youngjae-hyung and Jongup-hyung saw it…

– Hmm, I see.

– I went to visit Dong Yeon and now… . I don’t know why, but I feel scared around Daehyun-hyung… . I told Dongyeon I would help him, that no one would ever touch him but… if I’m too scared I can’t do anything.

– You’re scared of Daehyun?

– Stupid right? I know he wouldn’t hurt me, but looks like my body isn’t aware of it…

– Not that stupid. Sounds like your body understands the situation better than you do.” His serious tone scared me and I looked at him with round eyes, what did he mean? Would Daehyun-hyung hurt me bad if he heard about it? “It’s better to be scared of Daehyun than not to be…” he said and went silent thinking. While this time, I was looking at him full of hope, waiting for him to find a miracle solution which would resolve everything. “You can’t tell Yongguk…” he mumbled. I didn’t know if he was adressing it to me or more for him, but it looked like it was a real advice from his side, making me sigh.

“I know that…

– I mean it, you got a liking for the boy and it pains you to see him like this, it even shocked you. Yongguk wouldn’t hesitate to kill Daehyun if you ever tell him that you’re afraid of him now… . I’m pretty sure he would kill his own twin for you.” It was weird to hear such things, never had I thought that I was more important to Yongguk-hyung. But if Himchan-hyung said, maybe then it was true.

“What should I do Hyung?

– You need to fight your fear Junhong, you can’t always run away. You have to talk about it with Daehyun.

– But if I tell him about Dongyeon, won’t he think that Dongyeon was the one to tell me while he made him promise not to?

– Hadn’t Dongyeon been the one to tell you?

– He said nothing,” I shook my head and pinched my lips.

“Who did then?

– Yongnam-hyung.

– Ah… Nam… that asshole…” he cursed and I hurried myself to defend him, after all he had helped me.

“He hadn’t told me… I guessed the main parts.

– Yeah, I know how Nam proceeds.” I nodded and decided to stay silent, it was true. I wasn’t in position to teach him how Yongnam-hyung was; I was here to hear his counsel, not to give him ones. “Junhong, you need to tell Daehyun, to tell him the whole story and truth, no lies, and to tell him fast. He will find out soon. You were strange earlier and we all noticed it. It wouldn’t surprise me if Youngjae already found out.”

I gasped standing up, “I need to call Dongyeon!” I grabbed my phone and without losing any second, I composed his number.

“ _Yes Hyung?_

_– Thanks God you’re alive…_

_– Had something happened Hyung?_

_– I was scared something happened to you again…_

_– You’re becoming paranoiac Hyung…_ ” he chuckled and it soothed me to hear him joking, he was going back to his own self, making fun of me.

“Now call Daehyun too” Himchan-hyung advised me taking my phone from my hands.

“What?” but I hadn’t the time to confess I wasn’t ready to speak with him yet. Himchan-hyung had already composed his number and handed me back my phone.

“Just call him” he said and at the same time I hear Daehyun-hyung’s voice into my phone.

“ _Junhong?_

 _– O… Oh! Hyung…_ ”  I had no idea what I could tell him…

“ _Ah yeah, you’re at Himchan’s place right now. How is it? His house is Daebak isn’t it?_

_– Yeah… Daebak! Earlier I even got lost in the park!_

_– The park…_ ” he chuckled on the other side of the phone and it quite appeased me to hear him laughing, my body got less tensed.

– …

– _Do you miss me that much?_ ” and I could depict his smirk through his voice. That’s right, after living with him; I knew my hyung by heart.

– _…yes…_

– _Ah, I miss you Junhong-ah, but my father miss you more… what have you done to the city’s mafia boss? He’s whimpering like a kid…_

_– He he he, that’s a secret Hyung… I’ll hang up now; Himchan-hyung is getting jealous…_

– YAH!!

– _Ha ha, okay Junhong-ah, I’ll see you tomorrow”_. Again, Daehyun-hyung laughed at the other side of the phone, and it went right into my ear.

“ _Good night Hyung,_

 _– Good night my baby._ ” He cooed and I hung up smiling.

“Is he still that scary?” Himchan-hyung asked me, slight amusement hearable in his voice.

“You’re the best advisor Hyung!” I said, showing two thumbs up to him.

“I know”  he sighed passing one hand in his hair, brushing it, looking as if he was bored to be perfect. I cringed and all of sudden remembered that time when I realized why all my hyungs were always making fun of Himchan-hyung. I should never praise him, or at least not that much. I turned my two thumbs downwards and tongued out at him. “YAH! YOU BRAT KID!” I ran around his room as if he was running after me and he shook his head amused lying back on his bed. Now I felt so light and worriless, I started to dance on inexistent music. Today I would dance, I had enough worried myself lately.


	51. Boyfriend

_(YOUNGJAE POINT OF VIEW)_

"Jae ~"..."Jae ~"..."Jae ~"..."Jae ~"..."Jae ~"..."Jae ~

– What?" Yeah I had been quite dumb thinking he would have enough and stop by himself.

"... Nothing. I just wanted to see how long you would bear it." He shrugged and left the basement heading to his class, leaving me staring at his back with round eyes, wondering if I wasn't dreaming. Was he that dumb? I sighed because of the sudden headache it brought me. He was the most hopeless person I knew. Watching back the screens, I saw Zelo and Himchan arriving together.

"Hyung, you should go to your class." Was the first thing Zelo said, scolding me. I had come back to school but I wasn't in mind to attempt any of my classes today.

"No thank you." He pouted at my answer and I could only roll my eyes at him. "You can pout all the way you want I won't go. I don't need to but ... you need!" Standing up, I made light pressure on his back pushing him toward the door and I felt him shivering under my touch. As if... as if he was afraid of me. "Zelo?

– Yeah! I'm going to class! Me!" he burst in a childish way without looking back at me before running away. Zelo wasn't what we can call a good actor or an actor at all. He had just run away from me, without looking at me even once since he entered, and I could only stare at the door right now. I couldn't put a word on what it was, but I felt like my chest was hurting. We hadn't had spend time alone together since...

"I'm sure you already guessed." Himchan tore me away from my thoughts and I looked at him.

"Did he hear about what happened to the boy?" I asked him, even though I already knew the answer.

"Yep.

– How is that possible? ...How could he know we're involved? My plans never fail...

– It never fails at the exception of one person to butt in...

– Yongnam..." I mumbled looking toward the sofa, where Yongnam had been when we had spoken about our plan. I realized how dumb I had been to believe he had been sleeping. How could he have been able to with us around? I looked back at Himchan.

"Hadn't you gone too far this time?" I said nothing, trying to think about it, maybe we did... "I told him to talk with Daehyun... you must watch over them.

– I won't go back to that place.

– I'm not forcing you to anything... I just want you to think about Junhong's sake." he advised me before rolling away.

 

And here I was again, on my way to the house of hell. In fact, it wasn't the house in itself that I disliked. The building, even with its morbid appearance, was quite a nice place to live. No. What I disliked was the memories inlaid into those walls. In Dae's world I used to be his personal maid, his puppet, his toy. Same as Himchan was the young master of his domain, Daehyun was the one of his own. It might be different universe with different rules, but in both, the young masters do not have friends. What common people call friends, they call it puppets. Something they can dispose whenever they want, that follows and does everything they want, things to distract them from their too wealthy boring life.

"I'm so happy you're coming back! It's been so long time!" Dae was getting excited by himself.

"Yeah yeah..." I answered on a nonchalant tone.

"What..." he came nearer to me, gluing himself to my side. We were at the back of his car and now his leg was over mine while his long fingers were grabbing my cheeks. We weren't at his place yet and he was already starting. "Aren't you excited to come back to your master's house?" he asked his cold voice he used to speak with in the past back in no time, because of two little words I had said.

"I am." The same he did to me, I answered back with the same tone I used to speak with when we were younger. I had never been an obedient pet.

"Tch." He released me and went back to sit at his place. Yeah... we weren't arrived yet and he was already upset.

 

It was the moment I was always waiting for. I didn't know where I got my liking to this delicious object from, but it was the moment of the month I liked the most. It was when I would get my marks back from my private teacher, and to congratulate me, Daejung offered me an ice cream. My favorite taste of course, melon. Looking around and holding the precious food against my chest, I was careful to not hold it too tight to not warm it up. But I had to be careful of my surroundings as well. One time upon two, I lose my ice cream. Last time I had been able to eat it at peace, so it meant that this time I wouldn't be able to.

When I finally decided to open the packaging, it got tore away from my hands. I wondered if he wasn't playing with me, always putting some pressure upon me, and stress, making me worry if this time I would get caught or not. With wet eyes I looked at my ice cream disappearing, inch after inch, into the boy's mouth, the only other boy that was living in the same place as I was, Jung Daehyun's mouth. But, oh no, I wouldn't gave him the pleasure to see me cry. Not every time. Last time he managed to rob my ice cream, I had, so this time I wouldn't. If my eyes were wet it was only because of the pressure of his foot onto my stomach while he was pinning me down, eating my dearest sweet. When he was finally done and that nothing eatable was remaining, he chuckled and I frowned at him. "Don't get me wrong, you're cute with your chubby cheeks, but if you keep eating that much ice cream you'll get too fat, my little pig." I looked elsewhere when he spoke to me, anywhere but to him.

He crouched down and grabbed my hair into his fist to make me look at him. In his other hand he was holding a knife which he was pressing against my throat. What father on Earth would let his son play with a knife.... But I balked no word while he was threatening me to slaughter me like a pig if I got too fat for his taste. I did got along with Daehyun, but sometimes he would have episodes like this, making me wonder if I would die from his hands one day.

 

"You're wrong...

– Wanna bet?" I looked at him with septic eyes, Daehyun never bet anything he wasn't sure to win. So in the end, it wasn't true bet. Even though I was sure about the molar mass of cyanide, seeing him being so certain of himself it was making me doubt. But I was smarter than him, and there was no way I could be wrong about that. "If you're right, I'll give you whatever you want. What is it that you want little pig?" he asked me, his arm surrounding my shoulders as he pulled me against him. I was thinking about a way to ask for my liberty, but how...

"I want my own place...

– Your own place? What do you mean? You already have your own room."

I kept thought deeper about better words to use, to tell him I wanted a place where I would be at peace. I wanted a place where I wouldn't be afraid to see him show up uninvited in the middle of the night. "I want... my own apartment. Not here but in the town center..." I waited for his reaction. He pulled away from me and looked at me with his eyes of beaten boy. It was the kind of look which could break my heart, only if I wouldn't live what he made me live through every day.

"You don't want to live with me anymore? Are you running away?"

How tempting it was to answer yes... "I don't want to be dependent anymore... I already feel so weak with you protecting me all the time..." I soothed him by caressing his cheek and he leaned into my touches. He covered my hand with his own, and a smirk had replaced his sad pout when he opened his eyes anew.

"Alright, but for that you would have to be right about the bet." He patted my cheek and he turned to the guy leaning on the table in the same room as we were. I wasn't sure that his father would allow us to be in that part of the house, but here we were, administrating new poison to this guy. Daehyun wanted a poison that wouldn't take that much to kill someone, on the only way he knew to do, was to test it and check it by himself. I opened my book and looked through it, finally I found it, "65.12 g/mol" I said proud of myself handing him the book which he hurried to check. Daehyun was complaining about me cheating, but he had promised me, I finally got my freedom.

 

"Hello? Earth to Youngjae..." Daehyun's voice and soft taps on my face brought me back to the present time. I blinked a few times at him wondering what was happening. Without any doubt, he had been the one to lay me onto his bed. But that wasn't the most scaring thing. He was holding scissors in his hands, and whenever he had anything between his hands, it was most of the time bad augur.

"What... What are you doing??" I asked squirming away but it was too late, he was already cutting my shirt open. Then I knew better than moving if I didn't want to get my skin cut too.

"Let's play,

– I don't want to... not now..." I looked around checking that we were well alone. I hadn't forgotten Junhong would be there in no time.

"Why not now?" He asked while unbuttoning his pants, standing in front the bed. "It's been so long... don't be scared. I don't want us to be like this anymore.

– What... were we? What do you want us to be?

– I want you to be my boyfriend." He said with a serious tone he used only on rare occasions. Climbing onto the bed, he was hovering me and I couldn't look elsewhere than in his eyes. I felt dizzy, my brain refusing to process what was happening. "Jae?" he patted my face, "you hear me Jae?" his voice seemed far.

" Y-yeah...

– What's your answer?

– My answer?

– Do you want to be my boyfriend? Yes or No?

– Yes." My voice said, probably annoyed that I hadn't been able to say it myself. Daehyun smiled and kissed me. His hands came to cup my face and his lips were moving in a slow motion against my own. For the first time since a long time, his actions were caring and carrying love. I was out of the reality, letting everything happen without being master of my own movements. I wasn't even in the state to answer back his kiss, finally he stopped kissing me only to chuckle looking at me.

"I love you.

– Ah?"

He smiled before repeating what he just said, slower so I could understand. "I love you. Yoo Young Jae.

– Me too. I love that stupid hopeless sex addict crazy psycho human being, named Jung Dae Hyun.

– I'm flattered." He giggled before kissing me again. This time I opened my mouth and while I let his tongue doing as it pleased I brought my hands to his pants. I pulled down his pants he had already unbuckled. I felt his smile against my lips and I switched our positions. Making him sit on his bed, I pulled down also his underwear and I got on my knees. Standing between his legs, I took his dick in my hand bringing it to life with a few strokes and I took it all the way into my mouth.

I had trained myself so many times thinking about him, on various objects for me to not gag. And I knew he liked it since he always started bucking his cock when it touched the back of my throat, wanting to deepen it. What a weird feeling it was at first as the only thing I had in front my eyes was the few hairs he had on his manhood. Looking up at him it made my insides to twirl around. To see him from bellow, his mouth opened in a small gap, just enough to let his breath pass through his pulpy lips. His eyes devouring me as he was face fucking me. Most often I didn't like to feel dominated by anyone, but right in the moment I wanted to give myself more again to him.

I hollowed my cheeks and he let out soft moans. He liked it and I liked it. It was as if he was saying I was doing great. My tongue swirling around his cock, I started to bob my head up and down. Bloating and hollowing my cheeks, I kept watching him. Even in that dominated state I was the one to be in control. Until he couldn't handle it anymore, he held tight on my hair. I got the thing he was getting near to his release as his thrusts became harsher. Between his cock in my mouth and his wrists pulling my hair I could only try to breath with my nose through his wacky strokes. It took me much effort to look at him so I came back to his not so hairy manhood. Coming near and far my face at speed pace. Soon his thrusts became erratic and he filled my mouth of his cum. Not thinking about the nausea it brought me. I swallowed it all and licked his cock clean to not let any blob behind while he was catching back his breath. He smirked down to me then up to the door.

"What do you want?" he asked the door and turning round I noticed we weren't alone in the room. Zelo was standing in an awkward way in front the door. Shit. I had forgotten about him and I could only mentally curse Dae for that. Since when was he here? I met his eyes and he gulped avoiding my eyes. Fuck... I turned back to Dae's cock to see him putting back his underwear and jeans. He grabbed me by my arm and made me sit next him. An awkward silence reigning in the room, "You seemed quite determinate to tell me something when you came in. You didn't even knock and locked behind you before even seeing what we were busy to." Dae finally spoke up.

"Ahm...

– What do you want?" Dae repeated his previous question.

"I wanted to talk with you... I didn't know Youngjae-hyung was here...

– Okay. We can talk now." Dae smiled as if Junhong hadn't witness what he just did. "What do you want to talk about?

– ...

– It's about that boy, isn't it?" I decided to help him to engage the conversation, but I wanted more to make him forget about what he just saw. Daehyun looked surprised at me. I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes and looked back at Zelo. He nodded.

"Ah, so you know" Dae asked, not even trying to hide the annoyance in his voice.

"Yes...

– How-

– Let him talk." I cut Dae before he would get worked up. We looked back at Zelo who took a deep breath before speaking up.

"I will tell you everything from the start." He warned us and we nodded, not wanting to interrupt him.

"I was with Yongnam-hyung after we went visit Yongguk-hyung. He told me about what you've done. Well, he didn't explain in details what you've done but... Well, he told me you were involved with Dong Yeon's cause for not coming back to school. I somehow guessed the rest as I remembered when you came back later that day with your gun recovered of blood... I wanted to make you pay for what you did to him. After I talked with Yongnam-hyung I went to Dong Yeon's house and I took care of him. He didn't want to tell me what happened but I saw that picture of me... With the bullets' holes... I know you went to frighten him for me, for Yongguk-hyung... But I'm serious when I say I love Yongguk-hyung and that I will never go to someone else. You should have asked me before presuming things. I became afraid of you. I couldn't trust you and I don't like it. I like you so much and I don't want to feel this way toward you."

Dae listened without batting an eyelid and stood up to walk up to Zelo when he finished his monologue. Zelo shivered seeing Dae coming near him but Dae knelled down in front of him and bowed his head down.

"I'm sorry Junhong-ah."

It surprised both of us and we looked at Daehyun with round eyes. It was the first time I saw Dae apologizing to someone. And I mean real apologize, not simple words others wanted to hear from him!

"You need to understand I love Yongguk-hyung from the bottom of my heart. You have to trust me Hyung!" Zelo had remained calm all along.

"I'm sorry Junhong-ah. I won't ever do something that will pain you like this."

I hurried myself next to Dae and took same posture as him. "I'm sorry Junhong-ah! I was part of it too." I apologized too, after all if I hadn't asked Dae he would have never done this.

"I don't want to fear you. To feel tensed and stressed all the time not knowing when you would go all mad again...

– We don't want you to fear us." I said.

"I don't know what to do.

– You can do whatever you want with us." Dae answered.

"...I want you to go apologize to Dong Yeon.

– We will.

– But! Not alone. I'll come along.

– Got it.

– ... I hope it will never happen again. But if there is any next time I'll tell Yongguk-hyung."

We gulped looking at each other with Dae, remembering way too well the crazy mind Zelo had put Hyung into. I didn't want to imagine what it would be like if Zelo complained to Yongguk about us.

 

He stayed a short time to speak with us and finally left as it was getting late. That's only then I realized Daehyun was still kneeling on the ground next me. Looking down at him I rest a hand on the top of his head and he looked up to. We didn't need any words to understand each other then. Only by caressing his cheek I made him well understand he looked sexy and fuckable. For once he was the one to look dominated.

I came to stand behind him and while I opened my pants he laid down, his ass up as he moved his pants down. "Prepare yourself" I said, lust filling my voice and I looked at his long fingers disappearing into his rear while I grab a hold of my shaft. I jerked myself in a slow motion, bringing up the desire until my phallus was standing up, and full of craving.

"Jae..." he whined, his ass squirming in front of me. With one hand I hold him still and with the other I helped myself into him.

"You're fucking tight" I grumbled while trying to make my way into him and he kept whimpering like I had never heard him before. It was such a change for once.

"I feel like... like..." leaning forward, I glued my stomach against his lower back while I rolled my hips against his ass.

"Shhh, don't try to speak" I hushed him; I enjoyed to be in control total of his body, my hands roaming over his hot skin and myself always digging deeper into him.

"You're tearing me... apart" he whimpered laying his side face on the ground so his ass got higher only for my pleasure.

"So you know how it feels" I smiled to him and grabbing a hold of his hair like he used to do, I pulled on it, making his back to arch so I could kiss him. Finally I decided I didn't like it like that, I pulled out and he half whimpered, mixed with other kind of contesting sounds.

Standing up, I dragged him to his bed where I laid him on his back and I moved back into between his opened legs. There I lied myself over him, connecting our lips together he sounded like he was getting used to it and accepting me better. I knew he wouldn't let me top that soon again, so I enjoyed his body all night long. Conversation with Junhong and also what had brought him here already forgotten, in this world, only was remaining both of us. In our little world, I wasn’t Daehyun’s only but now he was finally mine as well.


	52. Sorry sorry sorry

_ZELO POINT OF VIEW_

Yesterday was this kind of day that would remain in this kind of day we better want to forget. Of course I could have a talk with Daehyun-hyung. But everything that happened between the moment I entered his room and the one I could speak with him was nun-existing anymore. My brain and I agreed on the fact it was the best to do for my health. At first I had been quite reluctant for Youngjae-hyung to be here, but in the end I felt thankful to him. As Himchan-hyung had warned me, Youngjae-hyung had understood everything because of my weird behavior of the previous day. I had been too engrossed in what I wanted to tell Daehyun-hyung, I was more thinking about a way to get him to speak to me. So I had hurried myself to lock the door behind me before even I could…. Even though the memories should have been deleted from my mind, I remind well the images without any effort. I hadn’t seen everything. But the way Daehyun-hyung had grabbed Youngjae-hyung’s head just before they finished. At the moment, I’d been afraid he would break his jaw. Thinking about it, I wondered if Yongguk-hyung would do the same with me…

“Hyung! I don’t want it!!! Please…” Dongyeon tore me out my thoughts and I couldn’t help the blush to cover my face as our eyes met. “What’s wrong hyung?” he asked tilting his head and I stood from his desk in a flash.

“Nothing…” I mumbled walking around his room. As always, his parents were out on a show, and because he didn’t want to leave his house to go meet my hyungs, I had asked them to come over. I looked at him. He was sitting on his bed, his arms around his knees. Hugging them tight he made me think about a kid protecting himself this way against the monsters under his bed. He was rocking himself back and forth but stopped when we heard the doorbell, followed by the opening of the main door and people’s steps’ sounds. Dongyeon tensed up and looked at me with eyes opened wide with fear.

"I don't want it... Junhong-hyung.... Please, make them leave... I don't want it..." he pleaded me but I shook my head.

"Everything will be alright. I'm here. It's okay." I reassured him sitting next him and holding his hand in mine. I looked at my hyungs when they entered his bedroom. I noticed well Daehyun-hyung’s smirk when his eyes landed over Dongyeon who got spasms in reaction at his presence.

"Hyung!" I scolded him, hugging Dongyeon tighter.

"What?" he chuckled, looking away and went to sit on the desk in front us. Youngjae-hyung went to sit next Daehyun-hyung on the desk. While Himchan-hyung stayed between us on his wheelchair, Jongup-hyung standing behind him. One after the other they apologized and that’s when I realized I knew them better than what I thought, they didn’t mean it.

It was completely different from when they apologized once to me and I wondered. Why did they felt sorrier for me than for the boy? Even thought I couldn’t get that one point, I did at least understand they were doing this only because I had asked them to. I couldn’t depict what feeling was filling their voice, but I was sure it wasn’t regret. Not this neither did they felt ashamed of what they've done.

"Okay that's fine for now." I groaned seeing Dongyeon was about to black out. They stood up and right before exiting the room Daehyun-hyung stopped at the door, turning round to face us. I was on Dongyeon's other side so he was facing Daehyun-hyung. The last one approached us and reached out a hand to Dongyeon who shrunk back at the action.

"I know Junhong doesn’t believe it, but I want to prove both of you that this is true apologies." He said in a serious tone, making a firm movement of his hand for Dongyeon to shake it.

The boy in my arms shivered at Daehyun-hyung's voice and he looked at me, asking if it was safe. I nodded and he raised his shaky hand to Daehyun-hyung's one. Then Daehyun-hyung grabbed it and squeezed it. He pulled him toward him the same time he leaned forward so their faces were no more than inches away from each other. They looked at each other into their eyes. That’s when I felt the bed I was sitting on getting wet and by the smell I could tell Dongyeon had just peed on himself. Daehyun-hyung’s smirk got wider.

"HYUNG!" I burst standing up and tried to step between them but Yongnam-hyung, I hadn’t noticed was here, grabbed me by my arm to prevent me to.

"It's okay Junhong-ah, I'm doing nothing bad, am I?" he asked Dongyeon who, I think, even stopped breathing when Daehyun-hyung held his chin up. I was taken aback when I saw him kissing the boy on his lips. We all witness the action amazed and Daehyun-hyung winked to Dongyeon, “as you did, it’s nothing bad right? You can do it, so I can too, right?” he gave him a pure evil smile before letting go of him. I looked at him and I became tensed myself when he leaned toward me. "It's just a kiss, don't over think it." He whispered in my ear loud enough for everybody to hear.

"Hyung! Is this how you apology? I'm not okay with that!" I had no idea where this confidence was coming from. Maybe in the fact that Yongnam-hyung was standing right behind me, and because his twin cared about me, he wouldn’t let anything happen to me.

"Be okay or not, it’s my way to apology. You wanted me to, so I did.

– I wanted real apologies!

– I can't give true apologies for something I don't feel bad about.

– Yesterday, why did you apologize to me then?"

For the first time today, a gentle smile appeared on his face, one full of compassion and he caressed my cheek with his palm. "I'm sorry it pained you. If you like this boy that much, I'll make sure no one touches him so you wouldn't be sad any more. But what I'm sorry for is you hearing about this matter." He looked above my head, sending death glare to Yongnam-hyung. I couldn’t check his reaction but guess it didn’t impress him that much. I felt his hands on my shoulders and Daehyun-hyung’s frown deepened.

"Leave." I ordered him upset about his behavior.

"Ah, don't be angry at me. I apologized, didn't I?

– Hm.

– Don't worry I'll take care of your boy." He said and left holding hands like a happy couple with Youngjae-hyung. Thinking about it, Daehyun-hyung might not care about anything else than Youngjae-hyung. So I wondered why I was even trying so hard.

"It’s” I rubbed my eyelids, “not like this I imagined it." I sighed.

"It's like this they are..." Himchan-hyung explained me before he left too with Jongup-hyung pushing his wheelchair.

"Don't be eager. It will take time until they become human." Yongnam-hyung said behind me when we heard the main entrance’s door closing behind them.

"I know." I said coming next Dongyeon who had plunged his head in his knees. I rest a hand on his shoulder but he didn't want to look up at me. Yongnam-hyung who had followed me held my hand to remove it from him.

"Let him to me.

– But-

– I don't think you understand his feelings.

– What?

– Think about it this way, would you for Guk to see you in the same state he is right now? Just leave him to me." He said and I blinked at him while he took Dong Yeon in his arms. He walked to Dongyeon’s bathroom locking behind them. He was right. Dong Yeon was holding the same feelings for me I have for Yongguk-hyung. I knocked at the bathroom door.

"I'm going Dongyeon. Hyung take good care of him.

– I will." Yongnam-hyung replied me from the other side of the wooden surface.

_YONGNAM POINT OF VIEW_

Once in his bathroom, I put the boy on his feet and turned back to the door. Pressing my ear against it I waited for Junhong to leave before turning back to the boy named Dongyeon. Approaching him I started to remove his clothes which I placed in the dirty laundry basket. He looked tensed yet he let me do as it pleased me and I couldn’t help but to think it was due to Daehyun’s lesson. I turned him round and bended forward, resting my hands on my knees so my face would be in front his. This way I could have a better look at him and I’d been right. Fear was controlling his whole body, preventing him to make any move.

"I-I heard you talk about Yongguk-hyung." I nodded at his presumption, not giving more details which he didn’t need. "You... You are not Yongguk-hyung?" I smiled, that was right. He might not know who I was.

"I'm his twin." He looked at me with suspicious eyes. "I'm Bang Yong Nam." I said annoyed by the conversation that would follow if I didn’t stop it right now. To prevent for such a thing to happen, I grabbed him by his arm and dragged him to the shower. I pushed him inside and turned on the cold water.

“AHH! IT'S COLD!! LET ME OUT!!

– No." I looked at him, emotion missing in my voice and eyes. This boy was damn dull and I wondered what Junhong was finding interesting in him. How others could have thought Junhong would leave my brother for this uninteresting boy. "You have to listen with lot of care to what I have to say to you first." While he nodded to me I rolled my eyes at myself, why was I even caring to explain life to this stupid little thing in front me? "As you may have noticed it, Daehyun apologized to you only because Junhong asked him to. He let no place to doubt letting you know that he would take revenge at the first occasion you would give him." I explained still holding the shower head toward him, cleaning him and he choked. "I don’t know why but I was sure you hadn’t understood." I sighed, turning off the water and looked at him, leaning on the ground of the shower, nude and cold wet. Crouching down I petted his head.

"I... I hadn't understood that...

– That’s because you were too afraid and also because you're dumb." He raised his big eyes to look up at me. "And you can't rely on Junhong forever." He nodded but added nothing else. "Junhong has Yongguk. Let him go. Drop it. You're cute. You will find someone who's made for you.” I kept petting his head and he started to cry. It’s not because I knew how to get myself out of every situation that I knew how to react to this one. So I grab a hold of his tiny body and hold it against mine. He cried over my chest, wetting it with both his tears and wet body. "I know you're sad and feel lonely now... just let me fill your empty heart." I hold his chin and kissed him.

As earlier when I removed his clothes, he let me do as I please. I stood up and he stayed on the shower floor. I turned back on the water, but this time at a more bearable temperature. "Stand up." I ordered him and the little pet obeyed.

I started by making him a shampoo. Then I took the soap and cleaned his abused body. Now I took a better look at it, he had scars all over his body. He seemed so pure on the outside but this was proving the contrary. Remembering his story, that was true that he had already been taken too many times for his young age. Junhong was still so pure both physically and mentally, and this boy seemed like a slut next to him. All those thoughts aroused me. As he was facing me he saw the bulge forming in my pants and tried to put the more distance the shower allowed between us. I smirked at his actions and he looked at me frightened. He covered his face with his hands and faced the wall. Turning off the water I stepped into the shower. I stood behind him, breathing into his nape. "You shouldn't turn your back to me." I whispered in his ear bucking my hips forward, pressing my crotch against his back and he faced me right away. "I like it better when I see my toy's face." I said and kissed his hands he had still over his face. "Do you want to be my toy?" I asked him. He parted his fingers to look at me through it and shook his head from right to left, tears filling his eyes. "Too bad, because I just decided you will. You see, I just lost my previous toy and I'm sad now. You are sad too. So I was thinking, what about being sad together?

– N-no!

– Shhh, I'm a gentleman. You will like it." I rested my hands on his hips and moved it down. I grabbed a hold of his little ass which was fitting well the palms of my hands, as thought they were made for each others.

"Hmm" he went tight-lipped to not let out any sound, awakening the playful side within me. So it became a new challenge to make him scream from pleasure, which didn’t look like it would be too hard. I released him to grab the soap which I rub against his butt cheeks before pressing it in his buttock cleft. Now he wasn’t looking at me in the eyes anymore. He tried to move away but he couldn’t go that far being trapped between my body and the wall of his shower. I kept staring at his face while I made the soap on his ass to foam and with my index I cleaned him here. The nearer I was getting to his hole, the stiffened he got. “Shhh relax, let it in”. I whispered to his face but he moved it further from me throughout the time I was rubbing his round muscle, getting it used to my touch.

His reaction got me worked up; he acted like I was rapping him. It wasn’t that at all, I was just giving him the attention this rich bored little kid was seeking for. I grabbed his visage and made him face me the same time I pressed my finger into him. Even with the soap helping, he cringed and closed his eyes tight. I pecked his lips and after a few breathes he opened his eyes again, this time he couldn’t avoid my gaze. “You’re so stiff it feels like your ass is crowded with only my finger” I wanted my voice to be calm and soft as I stated this simple fact. His reaction surprised me. He closed his eyes again and relaxed around my finger, it almost looked like my voice reassured him. His little hands moved up to hold onto my arms and tightened into two fists on my shirt’s sleeves.

As I felt him relax, I moved my finger inside of him, curling it before pulling it out and pushing it back in. He let out shaky breathes and I found myself admiring his face as he got more docile. “You got lot of stuff up your ass but never someone’s fingers right?” I asked and again, this boy proved himself that, beyond what I first thought, he was full of surprise. He let out a tiny and shy moan which he couldn’t hold back this time. His eyebrows frowning in a slight motion, still refusing the pleasure I was offering him. I chuckled and finally he looked up at me. Fear had been replaced by lust and he bucked his hips, as if he was fucking himself over my finger which made me raise an eyebrow at him. “You like it?” I chuckled and he nodded, this time letting out a moan of my name, “Yongnam-hyung…”

I froze, stopping every movement but he didn’t notice it. Never had I before someone moaning out my name, at least not one that sounded so true. He whined and looking down I saw he was getting hard himself. Pecking his lips, and because he showed himself so obedient I decided to grant him this one little bonus. Bending my knees, I was soon kneeling in front him. He gasped surprised and tried to make me stand up again. But grabbing one of his legs which I moved up with no showed effort with one hand, I rammed my finger back into his rear. I licked his member. By the size of it I could tell he was beyond young, but if he was in age for it to stand up and being aware of it. Then he was in age for it to be pleasured. I took it in, pressing both my lips and tongue against it, from time to time exercising some light pressures with my teeth.

He wouldn’t last longer. I got my answer when I decided to add another finger in, he exploded in my mouth, and his hands had grabbed my hair in a loud squall of my name. It made me smile, losing some of his cum by the corner of my mouth and released him. I spit his tasty substance on the shower ground while removing my fingers. Letting him a few seconds to get down, what might be his very first cumming. He looked down to me breathing hard and I stood up, his eyes following mine he was soon looking up before avoiding my eyes again. “What? You’re being shy now?” I laughed wiping my mouth and exited the shower, my knees were wet but it would dry fast. Grabbing back the shower head, I cleaned the soap and remaining cum before cutting it off and covering him with a towel.

I was about to leave when he stood out the shower to grab me by the back of my shirt. Not that he had that much strength but I might be in a good mood so I turned round to listen to what he wanted to ask. “Won’t you…” I waited for him to finish his question but he stopped there looking up at me to meet my eyes. Was he thinking I would understand with only that?

“Won’t I what?

– I mean… is that all?” I raised an eyebrow at him and saw him checking my crotch which made me laugh. “I want to give you back the pleasure…” he mumbled making me laugh even louder.

“You’re not my type kiddo” I poked his forehead making him take a few steps away from me. “I had fun playing with you, little toy. But that’s all.” I said checking my reflection in his mirror.

“You’re… the first giving me pleasure…

– Don’t worry, I won’t be the last. Many will want to give you some. Bye baby toy.” I petted his head and left his house before I would do something which I would regret.

Sure I had been excited and I felt like exploding at any time, but somehow it was wrong with that kid. He wasn’t interesting me, yet I couldn’t help but to keep thinking about him. He wasn’t the first boy I touched, and I wasn’t either someone who had the urge to have sex all the time. It was fun to play around with others, but feeling the need for someone. It was only bad feelings which wouldn’t lead to any happy end. Shaking my head, I called for a taxi and headed to my place. On the road I dialed Daejung’s number and asked for one or two sluts, depended on how much he could send me for the night.

When I arrived at my place, the two girls were already there and we lost no time in greetings or any other boring things such as talking. What was better to forget an annoying innocent and pure kid, than fucking some good gross sluts? Pounding into their loosed pussy, images of the boy in his shower kept flooding back to my mind. The sounds of the slut’s false moans got replaced by memories of the boy’s ones and soon I found myself plowing into them from behind. When I was done with the first one, I asked for the second to clean her while I started the same process with her. As strange as it could be, this wasn’t as exciting as it used to be before.


	53. Confession

 

**YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW**

Taking a step out, I took a good breath in. How strange it was that a single gate could make that much difference between the outside inside and the outside… outside. Even though the same particles were composing the air I was breathing, it didn’t smelled or felt the same. No more annoying doctors, always being after me, peering any of my actions and words. Not that they did cared about my health. They cared about their wealth, how bad it would be if they didn’t get any result on me, who appears to be the wealthier patient in there. “I hope to never see you here again” incredible enough, the one who pronounced those words wasn’t me, but the doctor lying to me. Of course he wanted to see me here again. I turned round to glare to him, I didn’t want to come back here, and I already lose enough of my precious time in this hovel. He raised an eyebrow at me and I rolled my eyes, I was sure I would get more reaction trying to talk to a deaf. Turning round, I made my way out this place but I heard him mumbling in my back. “I already told you the same last time though…” This time I chosen to ignore him. As he said, last time he said the same which had earned him my fist in his face, and which had earned me to stay in the center one more week. Now, I had someone waiting for me outside, I couldn’t let myself lose my composure again. These doctors were so insignificant next to my boy.

It was too early for students to be in school yet, but I liked it that way. I hadn’t been in here for a long time and I appreciated to have this meeting back with my school with no annoying people flying around me. I walked around into the deserted corridors. I did have trust into my friends, but still. I couldn’t refrain myself from feeling relieved to see the school being in one piece, from the outside at least. Everything was as clean as usual, and it felt so nice. Contrary to my brother who made a mess everywhere he went to, I liked things to be in order and at their place. This was the same for my basement. But this little paradise looked empty to me, not because of the new stuff. It couldn’t be because of it. I had chosen each of the new stuff myself so it could only be perfect this way. No, while I usually would feel at peace stepping into that room, it didn’t feel the same this time. And as my eyes landed on their own onto the sofa, it wasn’t hard to understand what was missing. As it happens, who was missing.

I sighed shaking my head. Junhong wouldn’t be here soon, and I still had a bit of time ahead of me to get used again to the place, as it used to be before he joined us. Then I would be able to notice even better the difference the boy’s presence brought to this space. Sitting in my chair, I turned on the screens, thinking that I would have to program everything; I had forgotten Nam was back here. I had come this early to settle the school’s camera but then I found myself with nothing left to do. Besides being alone in this empty room with myself and my thoughts. Bringing a glass of water to my thirsty and dried mouth, I soon spit it over the computer in front me. “HYUUUUUNG!” a boy I didn’t know jumped on me. I stood up as fast as I could, pushing the boy away to grab tissue in time to wipe the electronic device with the hope I would be fast enough. The boy laughed and helped to wipe everything, so in the end the computer was safe but I wouldn’t say the same about this one student. “What are you doing in here?” I threatened him, didn’t he know the place was forbidden to anyone I hadn’t allowed in. I didn’t know that boy so how could I have allowed him in here. Contrary to the typical reaction I would get from scared student in this kind of situation. The boy chuckled, blushed even, and slapped my arm as if we were friends.

Raising an eyebrow at him I grabbed him by his collar. Ready to put back that brat at his place but it didn’t look like it scared him, not even the slightest. “Hyung, you know you can look scary like this?” he laughed and to put it in simple words, I was stunned. Why was he reacting like this? Or even calling me his hyung…

“Who are you calling your hyung…?” I groaned releasing him. As unusual this happening was, it was stranger again because I hadn’t hit him, for unknown reasons. I felt like I shouldn’t hurt this boy and I learned the hard way that I always should follow my instinct.

“You!” he jumped back on me, holding my arm between his own to press it against his chests, wriggling it I managed to free my arm.

“I’m not your hyung kiddo” this short boy was so annoying. Yet the only thing I did at that moment was to flick his forehead making him giggle even more. This only earned for me to roll my eyes at his reaction before I got surprised again when he slipped his slim arms around my chest. He rubbed his face against my chest.

“Yes you are my hyung…” his voice was soft as he said those words and he almost sounded in love with me. It made me think about my boy and I relaxed, resting a hand on top of his head. “I love you” the words left his mouth as my eyes landed in a corner of the room where Yongnam’s school suit was remaining. I wondered if he wasn’t confounding me with my brother. I moved backward and hold his chin to make him look up at me. He was smiling, “about yesterday…” he started, avoiding my eyes and I raised an eyebrow at this. Wasn’t yesterday an off day? If the two had met on weekend then they might be nearer than what I thought they would seconds ago. My brother never met his playthings during weekend, he liked it more being spent in front TV news channel. But if they were that near, why hadn’t Yongnam told me anything about him…

“What about yesterday?

\- Can we do it again?” he blushed looking down and I chuckled, wondering what my twin could have done to that boy to get him addicted within a few weeks. Were they meeting each other since Yongnam came back to school? Or was it later? I had no idea over this and hadn’t noticed any change into my twin’s behavior so it might be newer than a few days.

“If you’re being a nice boy” I grinned, deciding to play this game a little longer. I was bored here alone, so this boy would keep me company until Junhong would get there. But that was sooner than what I thought as the door opened while I had still the boy in my arms. With Junhong we looked at each other unable to say anything. I could hear what he was thinking as if he'd been in my head and I had no idea how I would get myself out of it. The first to break the silence was the boy in my arms and I wished he hadn’t. “Hyung, thank you for presenting us to each other…”. The boy’s arms got tighter around me and Junhong’s face got scarier at every second passing by. I could see that he was about to kill the boy at any moment. But this last one opened his big mouth again. What he didn’t seem to know was that if before he had just signed his death order with what he said, this time he saved his own life. “I love Yongnam-hyung so much…” he breathed out in a whisper and hidden his face in my chest.

I offered Junhong a sly smile as I hugged back the boy, wrapping his slim body with my arms and he crossed his arms annoyed. “Hyung… that’s not funny.” I felt the boy trying to turn around to look at Junhong but I prevented him to.

“Just wait for everybody to get there you’ll see how funny it is…” of course, it would be funnier with one person in particular.

“I don’t think it would be a good-” he started but got interrupted by the door opening. Yongnam stopped, looking both at Junhong and at me, and then his eyes landed onto the boy in my arms.

“Who is it?” he asked pointing a finger at him and I turned him round. “Yeon…” he sighed and I chuckled, the boy kept blinking at my brother and at me before he finally asked help to Junhong with his eyes.

“I told you it wasn’t funny at all…” Junhong mumbled sitting down onto the sofa, still his arms crossed over his chest. Yongnam took a few steps toward me, trying to look scary.

“Of course it is, right Yeonni?” I asked back hugging the boy from whom I could feel heat coming. In all probability his brain overworking trying to process what was happening.

“You… you are…” he stuttered, unable to finish his sentence.

“You have a sense of humor only you find funny…” my brother sighed stopping right in front us, trapping the boy between us two. I smiled to my twin caressing his cheek.

“Oh you have the same, right? I did nothing bad…” I let memories come back to him. He kept his annoyed look while slapping my hand away before freeing the boy from my arms, locking him right away into his own. I chuckled because I had never seen my brother that attached to someone. I wondered if this one boy was the good one for him or if again it was just to kill the time. Nam took the boy away and left the basement while he tried to call out for Junhong who was busy killing me with his eyes.

“What? It was just my payback from when he touched you the same.” I told him walking to the door to close it and finally Junhong stood up from where he was to come hug me.

“I know… but still I didn’t like it…” he mumbled. He plunged his face into my chest, the same the boy did. And I wondered if he did it on purpose like to erase what could be reminiscence of the boy’s actions.

“I’m sorry” I hold his chin up with care and was about to kiss him when he gasped trying to get himself out of my reach.

“What have I done?! Why is Yeon in love with Yongnam-hyung? Hyung! We can’t let them together!” He turned round, grabbing the door’s handle. I prevented him to leave by laying my hand onto the door, keeping it closed. Junhong turned round to me and taking a step nearer to him, he got his back pressed against the door while I locked it.

“Why can’t we leave them at peace?” I asked him annoyed. Why everybody thought it was always a bad idea to let my brother have some fun, and who knows, maybe those two were made for each other. I didn’t like people to butt into my love story with Junhong. And I couldn't handle the fact that other people would try just the same with Yongnam. Hadn’t we deserved some happiness too, after everything which happened to us?

“Because… Yongnam-hyung… he will-

\- So you too think he’s a monster?

\- No…

\- You do, the same people think I am.” I groaned, and Junhong rest his hands over my cheeks, rubbing his thumbs over my cheekbones.

“I don’t think he’s a monster, neither do I with you. But with what Dongyeon lived lately, I think it’s too early for anything to happen.

\- Just let them be, the same I want people to let us be… don’t you?” I asked, laying into his touches and recovering his hand with mine, I turned my head just enough to kiss the palm of his hand.

“I do Hyung.” He breathed out and I leaned toward him to claim those lips I had missed so much. He parted it so I could get a better access to what was mine. Moving my hands to rest it onto his hips, I pinned him against the door while I inclined my head from right to left and left to right. I had never enough of the taste of his tongue or even the sensation it brought me when it got in contact with mine. I felt his arms wrapping around my neck, and he pulled nearer again.

“Hyung” he moaned when I slipped one hand into his back. Caressing it while I moved it downer inch by inch until I could grasp his little ass. I massaged it with a firm hand while I brought the other over his stomach. Back alone in my room, I had tried to remind what his skin had been like, so soft and smooth, almost untouched. But it was better than this. I parted our lips from each other. He tried to get it back together but I was faster. I moved down to kiss his stomach, pressing my lips everywhere my touches had been. As embedding it, sealing my touches with my kisses, claiming his body as mine.

He was breathing harder when my face got nearer to his nipple, while my fingers played with one, I licked and nipped onto the other. At the same time the handle moved and we could hear others coming, a loud bang followed. Rising up my eyes, I understood it been Junhong’s head which had bumped against the door. His lips were white pinched together. I released him, now noticing it might have been too much for him. I pecked his lips and was about to unlock the door but he grabbed my hand before I could. He shook his head and I understood he wanted us to spend more time only the two of us.

“Why aren’t you opening the door?” we could hear Himchan’s voice behind the door and I leaned my forehead against Junhong’s one, smiling to him, he was smiling back to me.

“It’s locked…” Jongup answered Himchan and Youngjae said they had to go to their course. Daehyun contested but he got dragged along. I would never be thankful enough to Youngjae to be that smart.

“They left” I said and Junhong nodded without adding anything. I could feel his eyes were literally devouring my face. It was as if it was the first time he was discovering it and it warmed up my heart to see he had missed me as much I had missed him. “Let’s go sit” I hold my hand for him to take and he slipped his into mine. I lead us to the sofa and sitting, Junhong laid next to me to rest his head onto my lap. I brushed his hair with my fingers; it was as soft as it used to be.

We stayed silent in this position a moment before I broke it, thinking back about what just happened moments ago with the boy. “Who was that boy?

\- You were that near and you didn’t even know?” he puffed his cheeks, his eyes sending laser beam to destroy me.

“Everything happened too fast, from the moment he jumped on me and when you entered…” I mumbled. Why trying to explain him sounded that complicated?

“His name is Dongyeon; he’s the one who offered me this letter back then…

\- Well, we can say he was fast finding a new lover…” I chuckled but it didn’t make Junhong laugh even the slightest. He looked sad and I could say he was worrying for the boy. “Don’t worry, I know most of people can’t trust Nam, but I think he deserves someone to love too.

\- I can’t imagine him being serious about love matter with someone else than you…

\- I can’t either, but they could have say the same of me before I met you.” I smiled to him and finally he offered me back his angel smile only someone as pure as him could offer. “What did you meant by its too early for this boy to anything to happen to him?

\- Because of what he lived lately.

\- What did he lived?” I asked but this time he didn’t answer back. I frowned, Junhong now knew how I was, and I had the bad impression that he became like Himchan. If he didn’t want to tell me what happened was because he knew how I would react, and he was more scared of it. “Junhong… it’s better for you to tell me the truth now.

\- I know, I think the same… all the matter is already solved…

\- Then?

\- He got threatened by Daehyun-hyung…” he just had to say this for me to get the whole situation. The next part of where this story was leading was easy to guess.

“I see… why did he?

\- Because he…

\- Because he what?

\- He had no bad intentions, it was just to cheer me up because I was so sad when I couldn’t meet you and…

\- Junhong, the facts… now.

\- …he kissed me.” He let out and I sighed, but somehow I didn’t got angry as I should have.

“Then it’s a good thing Daehyun got in charge of it instead of me.” I said and Junhong nodded, before burying his face into my stomach hiding it. For this one day only, I allowed Junhong to skip his classes, I asked others to tell the teachers he felt sick. From time to time, he fall asleep onto me and I kept admiring him in his sleep. His breathing being regular and his hair still as soft between my fingers. I had to resign myself to wake him up to eat at lunch time. Thanks to the fridge and to the toilets in the basement, everything we needed was here so we hadn’t to go out. Others understood we wanted to stay just the two of us and they didn’t try to come back in here. I let the screens turned off all day and we spent most of our time staring at each other in silence, listening to our breath. Not even the corridor’s sounds could be heard inside. The director wasn’t the only to get a soundproofed room. “We will have to pass by Daejung’s place to pick up your stuff.

\- My stuff? What for?

\- Because you’re coming to my place,” the second I finished my sentence he was already up, ready to go.

“What are we waiting for then?

\- I don’t know… you looked like you were enjoying your time here I didn’t want to press you…”. I chuckled and he grabbed my hand, pulling on it, urging me to move.

“It’s because I thought I had to go back to his place and you to yours…” he pouted and I stood up to grab those pouting lips.

“My poor boy, what happened to your brain? Don’t you remember I promised you to take you to my place?” I grinned and he whined before he could free himself from my hold. He dragged me through the corridors.

“Shouldn’t we check the school before leaving?” I said even though I didn’t want to lose any second either, but still it was my duty.

“We stayed in the basement for so long already!

\- The screens were off.

\- We will have all the time tomorrow for that.” Before we could exit the school I managed to stop him and to pin him against a locker.

“What if we leave now and there’s problems…

\- Then we would have been simple and normal students going back home after school…”. He mumbled looking down, and to see him this way broke my heart. I wasn’t what we could call a normal student. Only now I could realize he might have wanted to be that simple student no one notice and let at peace throughout his whole studies. I caressed his cheeks with the back of my fingers before pressing my lips against his forehead.

“Alright, let’s go.” That was my final words as I hold his hand in mine. I had this weird feeling leaving the school, the one we get when we don’t do something we’re supposed to. It was as if I was forgetting it, but I knew what duty of mine I hadn’t done. For Junhong, I could do this.

I called a taxi, and while we waited for it to get there, we admire the empty school. I had never taken the time to contemplate it. But with this vision of the sunset laying behind it making the school look like movie scenery. I could understand that for some people, this school could be the kind they dreamt to be accepted in. Like this one boy next me, I ruffled his hair and he grabbed my arm to prevent me to before wrapping it around himself. “I don’t even want to know what you were thinking about” he mumbled and I chuckled, kissed him in his neck and after a while the taxi arrived.

Through the ride, Junhong was distant with me, and the more we got nearer to Daejung’s place the stiffen he got. I hold his hand and sat next him to embrace him, “why are you so tense? Did Daejung ill treated you?” I asked because I knew how they could get. I did hear about Youngjae’s life and couldn’t even imagine what it could have been to live this.

“No, he treated me well and that’s the problem…

\- Why?

\- He was so nice and I will leave him…

\- It’s not really like he hadn’t another son to look after and that you belonged to me in the first place.” I mumbled and when he finally answered back my hug, he looked more relaxed over this. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything.” I reassured him and he nodded. But once we got there, Daejung was absent and Daehyun was the one present. “Did you tell your father I was back today?” I asked Daehyun as he helped us to gather Junhong’s stuff in his room. He gave me a single nod as an answer, “and let me guess, all of sudden he had something to do at the other end of the city?” I asked rolling my eyes and Daehyun laughed.

“You know my father too well.

\- I wanted to say him goodbye.

\- Don’t worry Junhong, he didn’t want to say you goodbye. That’s the reason why he’s not here.

\- Why that?

\- Because the same he considers you as his own kid, this place will always remain your home.

\- That’s wonderful.” I groaned grabbing Junhong and his stuff before it could get more fatuous. Back in the taxi with Junhong babbling about how a great father Daejung was, I came to wonder if it hadn't been better when he had been down. Yet, I let him speak non-stop, where I would have punched an annoying brat before, it somehow lightened my heart to see him in a good mood. When we got in the building leading to my apartment he kept stopping at every door we had to pass by. He said he wanted to remind everything as it was the first time he would enter my place. I let him do, while he was admiring the walls around us, I would be admiring him instead. No matter how much times I had tried to imagine what it would be like to have him here, it was better than everything I could have come up with.

“You sure you can handle it?” I chuckled my hand over the handle while he looked like he was about to pass out. I had no idea what he was stressing himself over. But I decided to shorten this torture. I opened the door and let him get in first. I wasn’t used to make people visit my place because no one ever came here. When we wanted to meet with my friends we usually gathered at Daejung’s club when it would be closed to the public or at Himchan’s place. Stepping into the living, Zelo stood in the middle of it and took a big breath in before putting his stuff down. “What are you doing?” I asked placing his stuff I had been carrying next the ones at his feet. He turned round to me wearing a big smile.

“Your scent is overflowing everywhere.” He chuckled and kept his visit of my place.

“Of course it does, it’s where I’m living.” I laughed and catching him up, I back hugged him before he could leave the living, “and soon it will also be filled with your scent.” I whispered against his skin, kissing his nape.

“Hyung?” I hummed in answer and he patted my arm to make me stop. I looked at the broken door he was pointing at, “what’s that?

\- Let’s say it was just an accident.” I released him and placed myself in front this door so he could forget it. No one needed to know what this was.

“You should repair it…” he shrugged and walked to the kitchen, marveling over little stuff filling the place. I felt glad he didn’t wonder more than this over the door. Or at least that he decided not to question it. This was only something between me and I. But it was true, that now I would have Junhong living with me. I didn’t need this door to remember how much I could have hurt him, and to be careful to never do it again. He opened every door he could lay his hand over, finding in every closet the same kind of food everywhere: instant noodles. “Hyung…” He sighed and I chuckled each time, closing the closets as soon as he would have opened it. “I hope you don’t eat only this.

\- Sometimes Himchan’s mother cooks for me.” I shrugged but it didn’t remove the frown covering his face. “Don’t make that face. I swear you spent too much time with Nam”. I flicked his forehead and clasping my two hands onto his shoulders I led him to the rooms he had yet to visit. This happened to be my bedroom, another bedroom and the bathroom.

“It’s simpler than what I thought…” he commented as we went back to the living.

“What were you imagining?” I chuckled lying onto the sofa and patting next to me for him to join me.

“I don’t know… that you were living in a castle…

\- My father is.” I laughed and he looked at me.

“I don’t like it when you make this sad face…

\- It’s because… I wonder why you and Yongnam-hyung aren’t living with your parents…

\- My mother isn’t anymore and … some stuffs happened with my father. We can’t live with him anymore.

\- I’m sorry…

\- It’s okay Junhong-ah, I have you so everything is okay.” I smiled and he snuggled against me. I loved when he did it, even though it made him look more like a kitty than a boy I fall in love with.

“I love your place Hyung.

\- Me too, it’s my favorite.

\- What do you mean your favorite? It can’t be…

\- Can’t be what?

\- You have other place to live in?

\- Of course I do. This building belongs to my family, we letting people to rent here so we can have some cash infusion. We also have other buildings here and there in Korea, and vacancy houses on Korean’s islands. Don’t look so shocked, Daehyun is just the same…

\- B-but… I didn’t know…

\- Himchan has more in Japan because of his mother.

\- Let’s eat Hyung.” He cut short the conversation, and left my sides to go prepare instant noodles in the kitchen. I followed him there and kissed his shoulder without touching him more than this.

“I’m sorry… did I put you ill at ease?” He nodded still his back turned to me while he stared at the water, waiting for it to boil.

“I’m not used to that much wealth…

\- And I’m not used to people without as much wealth as me…

\- It makes me feel like I don’t deserve you…

\- Do you want me to buy you an island so you can feel like you do?

\- No!” he turned round to me and grabbed me by my shoulders to shake me in smooth motion, “I’m not after your wealth Hyung! I don’t want you to buy me anything!

\- What’s the use to have money if I can’t buy you anything?

\- You have money to buy healthier food than only instant noodles!

\- Are you scolding me?!” I pinched his cheeks and he did the same with mine.

“Yes I am you brat.” We kept fighting and cooking our noodles, laughing all the way. It felt natural to have him by my side in this place which now belonged to him too. Once we were done, which was after we noticed that the water for the noodles had evaporated and that we had to re-cook everything. We moved back to the living to watch a movie together. I was lying on my back while he was lying over me, his head resting on my chest while a blanket was covering both our bodies. As usual, my hand playing with his hair as we watched a cheesy movie. I laughed at the kissing scene, but when I wanted Junhong to join me I noticed he was crying instead.

I sat up, holding him tight against me. “Were you always this sensitive?” I chuckled, but he looked too down for now to be cheered up with jokes. “Zelo?” I tilted my head to look at his face.

“I’m sorry Hyung… it’s nothing…

\- How come it’s nothing? You’re crying again… I don’t want you to cry ever again.” Thinking about the last time he had ended crying over my chest, I didn’t want any of this to happen again.

“It’s just… I already saw this movie…

\- And that’s what making you cry?

\- …with my mother.” I wasn’t expecting this answer at all, and even if with my stay at the detox center, I had managed to forget about her. Junhong hadn’t. Without answering back or asking more questions, I tightened my lock around him, as to try to crash the memories hurting him.

“H-hyung… c-can’t breath

\- Sorry,” I released him and laid my forehead against his. I pecked his lips from time to time until no more tears were falling down his beautiful eyes.

“I love you Hyung.” I smiled and whispered him that I loved him back before kissing him again. We kissed like two lovers discovering love for the first time. I didn’t need to tell him that from now on I had promised myself to make him happy. That never again tears would be running down those cheeks which were only made to be kissed by me.


	54. Where everything begins

WARNING: This chapter contains torture scene and death character.

* * *

 

**YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW**

The movie was over since a long moment when we stopped kissing, panting to some extent. I had my eyes closed and leaned my forehead over Junhong’s one, I felt his hands moving from my shirt to my cheeks. Opening my eyes I noticed he might have been looking at me since a moment.

“I want to know your story, Hyung.

\- Are you sure about it?” I squirmed from one butt cheek to the other. He was taking me by surprise. I hadn’t expected him to ask this question at all. There were so much other things we could do or talk about beside this. He nodded and I pulled no more than a few centimeters away, but it still created a distance between us. Even if I hadn’t been me and if I didn’t knew him so well, I would have been able to see it was paining him. I couldn’t help it. “I don’t think you’re ready yet…

\- I am, Hyung… Please believe me.” He affirmed coming closer, reducing the gap I had created between us. I looked at his face, analyzing it. Himchan, I had known for over ten years, hadn’t been ready to hear my story. With Yongnam we were both aware that at one time we would have to tell others our story. They couldn’t keep thinking that we were crazy just for the fun of it. From my friends, Zelo was the one remaining who needed to hear my story. I wanted a new start with him and he was right, it should start by being honest to each other. Getting at ease, I leaned backward and he laid his head over my shoulder as I started to narrate him the sad truth about my life story.

* * *

 

**FLASHBACK**

Yongguk : 12 years old

Daehyun : 11 years old

Youngjae : 10 years old

Science itself isn’t sure about how our memory works. We know it’s a part of our brain we develop, we train. Which can explain why some people have a better memory, it’s because they improve it, and they keep it all the time on work so it never gets down. Some trains it, so it’s acquired, for others it’s innate. With Yongnam, we’re on the others side. Our experiences make of us what we are and what we will be. But what would become of us with our childhood filled with traumatic events?

It happened when we were around 5 years old, too young to understand yet and already too old to forget that easily. Our father inherited a huge amount of money from his family who died in a plane accident. They were all on their way to the wedding of our aunt. A wedding our father didn’t approve. That’s why we weren’t on the plane this day. His new wealth hadn’t change the way he looked. But all of sudden he appeared attracting to other people, and strange enough, it worked more on the feminine kind. Even though he was married, he started to hang out with other women. Our mother got sick of it, she wasn’t the stupid kind like all the girls our father was seeing, she wanted to divorce and she got it.

We could come to wonder if he loved her for true, but we got assured of one thing, he loved us. He made use of his new acquired power to win the child care. He used his money to keep his kids near him. In other words, he bought us.

With Yongnam we were that young, yet we could understand. He didn’t have the same relation with these women that he had with our mother. He thought they loved him for who he was, but we knew it was because of his house, of his cars and his money, and they hated us. We were what were preventing them to use all our father’s money for their selfish selves. Amongst all the women, remained two who were more present than the others. There were in our house that often, they had their own rooms there.

One of them had short and brown hair, one day she took us for a walk in the forest, just the three of us. She said she wanted to get nearer to us; she wanted to be like our mother. She was far from being as good as our mum was. “Do you want to play games?” she asked and we nodded, all excited to be outside and free. “What about hide and seek? You stay here and count until 100 while I’ll hide. Okay? Don’t cheat! Both of you close your eyes! If you try to take a peek you’ll have to start over your counting…” We had already our eyes tight closed and we could hear her voice walking away until it was completely silent.

We kept our eyes closed and tried to count until the number she told us to. Of course there were some numbers we forgot or that we didn’t know. We were kids wanting to play with a woman who could be a replacement of our missing mother. At that precise moment we weren’t closed to the conversation with them. There was still hope. We looked for her in the forest, laughing and fooling around at first. But as we noticed it was getting darker and that we couldn’t see that far in front us anymore, we wanted to stop playing and to go home. We called for her name over and over again, “we don’t want to play anymore! It’s dark and cold now!! We want to go home!!” but there were no answers…

We were both tired but we kept walking, holding each other’s hand. Where some kids would get scared and cry. We remained calm, listening to silence surrounding us, only broken by the sound of our steps. We ended by finding a road and followed it all night. Late in night, or maybe was it super early in the morning, we arrived in town where a policeman found us and brought us to our house. Our father who, quite the opposite of us, was in tear, gave us a warm welcome, and so the two women by his sides did. “I was so worried!! Where did you go? I had tell you it wasn’t a good idea to play hide and seek!” the brown hair woman sobbed and we looked at her amazed, wondering why she was saying such a lie in front our father. “I’m so sorry, I wanted to make them happy and for us to have a good relation, but they didn’t want to listen to me. It made them so happy, I hadn’t the heart to refuse it to them!” in the end, we were in some weird situation. Our father was now comforting this liar instead of us, who had spent the night outside.

We tried to explain to our father what the truth was, but he thought we were lying. Don’t we say that kids never lie? And on top of it he didn’t want to trust his own kids… he trusted this woman more than us, just because she was an adult. From that day, we thought it was only the brown woman who wanted my own and my brother’s death. This was until the other tried too. On contrary of the first one, she was taller and had blonde hair, almost silver, like the sun when it’s high in the sky. “The weather is quite nice, do you want to go out for some ice skate?” she suggested one day we were admiring the white landscape through the window of the living with Nam. We still had hope back in time, but because of what had happened, we were getting suspicious over every little thing. We followed her until the lack and I stepped onto it.

“Is it okay?” I asked and Nam followed me, holding tight onto my arm, “won’t it crack?” he asked peaking at her.

“It’s okay, believe me.” She chuckled and pushed us in a smooth motion so we would take another step onto the frozen lake. After a few more steps, I could feel my brother’s hold getting weaker. We both became more relaxed and Nam threw himself onto the ice, sliding until the middle of it, laughing. I laughed along but not for so long as he disappeared through the ice. Without thinking, not even a second. I threw myself after him. I tried to grab him. But I passed through the ice myself. At least we were together. We came to world together. So we always knew we would leave it together as well. We tried to move up back to where the ice had cracked. But it was impossible to find it back. We were hitting against the ice, trying to break it from below. At one time, we saw someone running on the other side. We thought it was her coming to save us. But when we finally could come out of it alive, we noticed the boy sinking into the water. We both grabbed him before he would live the same nightmare which just happened to us.

Kids came running to us; they told us we had to bring this kid to his place. Peaking around, we noticed that the woman was missing and as we looked at each other with my brother, we knew what it meant. But for now, we had to bring this guy to his place and other kids lead us to there. We got a heartful welcomed by a Japanese woman who we deducted to be the boy’s mother. She took care of us as if we were her own kids while hers was resting into his bed. When her husband came home, they called our father who had been freaking out. It was the second time it happened, and still he didn’t want to believe this woman he loved would do such a thing. He got along with the boy’s parents and we joined back the said boy in his room, looking at him sleeping. He was the very first one who had saved our lives when we had been unable to do it ourselves, as we used to do. Back in time, our father had just opened a school; it had been his new caprice. He offered to let this boy, named Himchan, to enroll in his prestigious school when we would be in age to. As it appeared this Himchan had the same age as us.

 Turning 12, we entered our father’s school. After an umpteenth attempt of murder against us, we decided with Nam that it was time to take action. We couldn’t let ourselves be ill treated this way our whole life. Because our father didn’t want to move even his little finger, we had to. First step was to make some researches about a way to kill someone without getting nabbed. What better place to do such researches than the school’s library? I closed one useless book about how kings had been murdered back in time, and Nam poked my side before nodding toward a table. Looking at it, I noticed that the kids sitting there looked way too young to be students of MAMA. “Hey you, you’re not from here. How did you get in?” my brother asked them after we got nearer to their table, the brown head looked up at us frowning, yet not answering.

“Aren’t you both too young to be there?” I asked and with Nam we both sat in front the kids who were sitting next to each other. The blonde boy who looked immersed into his reading finally rose up his head to look at us.

“Yes.” He said and went back to his reading.

Who the hell this kid thought he was talking to? Not only was he younger, but we were now ones of the wealthier kids in town. We deserved respect from kids like him, and I knew that Yongnam was thinking the same as he closed the blonde boy’s book. The brown boy stood up grabbing his wrist, and so did I with him.

“Yes, we are underage and in a place we don’t belong to, and so what? What do you plan to do?” even though he wasn’t in a good posture, he remained calm.

“There are so many things we can do.” I threatened through my teeth and he leaned toward me.

“I’d like to see that. I’m Jung Dae Hyun, dude. Jung Dae Jung’s son.” He said as thought we should be scared of this name.

“And I am Bang Yong Nam, and there’s my brother Bang Yong Guk.” My brother replied, since the boy had grabbed a hold of him, he hadn’t move nor even showed it was annoying him the slightest.

“Don’t you know who my father is?” the brown haired boy named Daehyun looked shocked.

“Nope, and we don’t care.

\- He’s the biggest mafia boss through the country, you silly! So let us at peace or you would get big problems.” He tried to threaten us, but we had never met any mafia in our young lives so we had no idea how dangerous it could be.

“Sounds fun.” I grinned squeezing his arm.

“What a good timing, we were looking for some problems right now.” My brother chuckled standing up, towering the Daehyun boy from the other side of the table.

“It’s fine Hyung, we were about to leave.” The blond boy who hadn’t talk that much until now said, standing up, he hold his friend by his arm trying to pull him away.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I asked him, now we had some boys to play around with, we wouldn’t let them fly away without fail. It was rare to have people standing up against us, and theses boys sounded funny.

“We’re lea” he started but got interrupted by the librarian.

“What are you doing?!” she shouted approaching us.

“Shut up you slut!” I shouted back to her and she stopped where she was.

“Let us at peace if you don’t want to be fired, dumbass” my brother added and it looked like it was enough for her. She knew that if we asked our father to fire her, he would do it without even wondering why. We did the same thing so many times by the past with teachers who thought they could tame us. “Sit down.” My brother ordered to the boys in front us once the librarian left back to her desk. We all sat down back at our table, each one of us releasing the other.

“Are you indeed a kid from Mafia?” I asked and Daehyun nodded. “So… if we tell you we want to get rid of someone, would you help us?

\- Why would I help you?

\- Because your friend looks like he quite likes our school library…” I started and we finished each other’s sentence with my brother.

“ We can help you to get enroll in our school,

\- And once you’ll be part of it, we can promise you two that you’ll be free to do whatever you want

\- Without the possibility to get expelled.

\- How does that sound?” I asked and as we had kept talking the blonde boy’s eyes kept shining more and more, and it looked like our plan worked as Daehyun noticed it too.

“Who do you want to get rid of?

\- Someone.

\- No joke…” he rolled his eyes but his friend poked his side, urging him to talk. “The better way I know is poison: it’s simple to use, no blood on your hands and no evidences left behind.

\- What poison should we use?” I asked and before Daehyun could speak, the blonde boy did.

“There’s a flower called aconite. When eaten in small or medium amount causes a slow heartbeat, restlessness, nausea and chest pain. In bigger quantity, death would occur in some hours.

\- What’s your name?” I asked the blonde boy smiling to him.

“You don’t need to know his name.” Daehyun groaned but the blonde boy answered nonetheless.

“Yoo Young Jae,” and Daehyun glared at him.

“How old are you two?” Nam asked looking at both of them.

“I’m 10, and Daehyun is 11.” Youngjae answered while his friend was still sulking.

“So… Daehyun will be admitted in our school next year, and you, Youngjae, the year coming after, when you’ll be in age.” I smiled to them and they replied mine with bright ones. I chuckled founding them cute, after all, they were just kids.

 

“That kid …. Seriously?!!!” Nam burst, his voice echoing through the landscape around us. “I swear, I find him back, I kill him with my own hands. I won’t mind blood on it, a bit of water with soap and it’s gone….

\- Shut up Nam…” I said out of breath. Since we left for the mountain, he had kept ranting about these Youngjae and Daehyun kids.

“Why hadn’t he said aconite was found in mountains? Couldn’t we just buy some at any shop?

\- If we buy it, they’ll find us back…

\- I don’t care…

\- Shut up… Nam…”

 

When we finally found some, we went back to home and prepared it, brewing it, mixing it to mint tea so the scent and taste would be covered. We looked at the women drinking it; we made a special cup for our father so he wouldn’t be poisoned. When they started to get all the symptoms the boy had enumerated, with my twin we felt a great joy filling us. Finally, justice would be done and we would be freed from them. Unfortunately, the poison didn’t kill them fast enough. We witnessed powerlessly the doctor our father had called, healing them, and reducing our hard work to nothing.

 

“It didn’t work.” We were back at the library; Daehyun had met us up there after we called him.

“Where is Youngjae?” Nam asked looking around, searching for the blonde head boy.

“He’s not there, he got lessons.” Daehyun explained annoyed. But I had the feelings he knew we would be upset and didn’t want anything to happen to his precious friend.

“Do you think we’re dumb? School is over.

\- He got special courses after school because he’s genius. He’s a prodigy, you can’t understand.

\- Well, maybe we didn’t understand what he said either. Because, he said, the aconite would work. Yet it didn’t!” Nam had stood up and I pulled him back on his seat.

“Poison is too slow…

\- I have a better way to get rid of someone.

\- Why hadn’t you say it earlier?

\- Because I couldn’t in front Youngjae.

\- Why that?

\- He’s not used to it… he knows about the work my father do, but he never participated in it. That’s why, when we want to be at peace, and to not shock him, my father enrolled him in special night courses.” With Nam we looked at each other, his story sounded possible.

“What’s your other solution?” I asked and Daehyun leaned over the table, wearing a grin which could give chills to dead.

“Bring the two women at the park, tomorrow. Same hour as we met today, I’ll show you,” with a last smirk he stood up and left.

 

Back at home, only the brown hair woman was here. It would happen from time to time, the blonde woman disappeared we didn’t know where, and even our father didn’t know. It was too bad, but we couldn’t withdraw now, at least we would get one out. We asked her in front our father if she was okay to go to the park the day after. Our father thought we wanted to make peace and so she couldn’t refuse.

“Why couldn’t the blonde one come?” Nam asked her as we were wandering in the park with the brown hair woman.

“All these years, and you still hadn’t learn her name?” she scoffed.

“We don’t know yours either and it’s not like it’s important enough for us to remember it.” Nam groaned back at her.

“And your father thought you wanted to make peace. You’re both little evils.

\- We want our father to think we’re making peace. We only want his good.” I said, resting a hand on my brother’s shoulder to calm him down.

“As you say, we agree on one point.” She said and we both rolled our eyes at her, she didn’t want our father’s happiness. She wanted his wealth for her only to use. “She has her own kid to look after.” So that was it… we knew there must have been something behind her absence, it happened too often.

“Is he our brother?” Nam asked but the woman laughed at it.

“As if she would let him lay his hands over her body…” she mumbled and I felt Nam was on the edge to explode, thankfully, I was calmer than he was.

“Do you have kids too?” I asked, worried we would be preventing a kid from his mother. No matter how evil she could be, she would still be a mother to one kid.

“Hell no! I’m not that stupid…” she laughed as thought it was funny. I couldn’t understand. We just didn’t have the same kind of humor.

“Good” I felt relieved.

“Why do you seem relieved?” she asked, stopping to walk. She was getting suspicious but we were still far from the point we had to meet with Daehyun, she couldn’t stop right now and go home.

“That means you like us enough, you don’t feel the need to have other kids” Nam lied to her and I looked amazed at him, how easy was it for him to lie this way?

“Ha ha, no.” she laughed and started walking again. “I just don’t like kids, it costs too much, makes your body look ugly. I don’t want to waste any money in such things.” She said with a disgusted tone.

“It’s not your money, it’s our father’s one though.” Nam hissed through his teeth, his hands turning into fists.

“It’s the same.” She said amused, passing a hand into her short hair. At the moment we were about to get down on her to make her pay for everything she just said. Daehyun appeared from nowhere, jumping on her back and was gagging her with a tissue. Soon she was blacking out and we were dumbfounded with my brother.

“Come on! Help me to bring her to that shed.” He said grabbing her arm and nodded in the direction of his back. Without losing any second, Nam grabbed her other arm and I did with her feet. Yet, she was too heavy for us to be able to hold her correctly, so she was kind of being dragged on the ground. Once inside the shed, Daehyun closed the door after us and grabbed a robe which happened to be in there. Had he prepared everything or did he know it had been there? We never knew.

“Tie her” Daehyun kept ordering us around, and we needed him to because we had no idea what he had planned to do. He gave Nam the rope and grabbed a bucket before leaving the shed. We looked at each other with Nam and did as we had been told to. We tied her the tighter we could, not minding if it would be stop his blood circulation through her hands or feet. After all, she was about to die, so it wasn’t time to worry about such things. Daehyun came back after a few minutes, his bucket full of water. “Did you tie her well?” he asked putting his bucket down and checked on the rope.

“We did the best we could …” I replied unsure it would be enough.

“It’s okay.” Daehyun said smiling to us and stood up. He grabbed his bucket of water and upturned it over the brown haired woman’s head, waking her up. She gasped, swallowing a bit of water, looking at us three with scared eyes. It felt so nice to see her in this position. It made us feel powerful. Nothing would stop us right now.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” she screamed, most probably trying to get the people outside’s attention.

“We need to gag her or someone might come in” Nam said and I grabbed her scarf which I removed from her neck to fill her mouth with. But she knew what I was planning to do; she didn’t want to open her mouth.

“Pin her nose, when her body will want to breath she’ll be forced to open it.” Daehyun told me and I nodded, doing as he said. We waited a few seconds more and her body shook a bit before she finally gasped, breathing in. Without losing any second, I placed the tissue in her mouth, yet I didn’t unpin her nose. Soon, her body started to trash around and Daehyun grabbed my hand to make me release her. “It would be too easy for her to die this way…” he whispered to me, but I was sure she heard him as her eyes turned into two big round balls.

Maybe she started to understand, or just to believe it was becoming real. That we weren’t fooling around, she trashed around harder and tried to scream. With Nam we wanted for her to stop so we could keep on, but here again Daehyun prevented us to. “Let her get tired, we have all the time…” he said sitting on an old table and I followed his example. I grabbed an old chair and sat on it, my arms resting on the backrest while I was looking at her. Nam was walking around, unable to remain in place. We could hear people outside, talking and laughing while the woman in the middle of the shed kept trying to be heard from them. She was so pitiful, and strange enough, I enjoyed it way more than I should have. After a certain time, as Daehyun said, she started to get tired and to cry, tears were falling down her face to land on the dirty ground. I was looking at her with a bored face when my phone rang. Everybody in the room turned toward me. Daehyun looked surprised I hadn’t turned it off. Yongnam looked upset and the woman looked like she was hoping from the caller to come save her.

“It’s the director” I said before answering, and it looked like the woman did believe we would let her go just with that.

“Yongguk? Are you with Nam now?

\- I am.

\- Where are you right now?

\- She said she wanted to take us to restaurant.” I lied like a pro looking at the woman in the eyes and Nam chuckled approaching me.

“I’m glad you’re finally getting along. I want our family to be happy.” He said, from the tone of his voice he did sounded happy over the lie I told him and I could only frown at this. If he wanted our family to be happy, he shouldn’t have let mum go in the first place…

“Yes… we’ll all be happy” I answered, omitting a little detail. The fact that this would only occur once we would be done with that woman. She started to struggle again, finally, she still had some strength remaining.

“What’s that sound?” my father asked, he might have heard her.

“It’s Nam fooling around…” same as my brother, I was such a good liar, no one could tell when we were saying the truth or not.

“Don’t fool around too much, we don’t want to scare her right?

\- Sure… we don’t want to scare her.” I grinned to Nam who nodded to me and we high fived. “We’ll be good to her, don’t worry” I said standing up and walked up to the woman laid on the ground. I stepped onto her face and crushed it down into the ground to make her stop making noise. At that time Nam grabbed my phone.

“We’ll come back late tonight. Don’t wait for us and don’t call the police just because we’re having fun without you.” Nam cooed and I could hear our father laughing.

“Ha ha ha, okay, tell her I love her.” With Nam we both frowned at this, we would never say such a disgusting thing.

“And us?

\- Of course I love you both a lot, you’re my little angels.

\- Who do you love the most? Us or them?” Nam asked and I walked up to him, holding his hand between our face so I could hear our father’s answer.

“I can’t answer question like this, but at least I can assure you that I wouldn’t be able to survive if ever something happened to you two.

\- Means you can survive if something happens to her.

\- I didn’t say that.

\- I know, just joking. Good night.

\- Enjoy your evening!

\- We will!” and with that Nam hung up.

“I’m wondering…” Daehyun said from where he was sitting and we both turned to him. “Is your father stupid or just doesn’t he know you that well at all?

\- Both.” We answered in harmony with my brother.

“Good to know. Well, we have the whole night ahead then!” he smirked and joined us. “So you want to kill her because she stole your mother’s place?

\- Not only that, it’s mainly a matter of killing or being killed.

\- I see.” Daehyun shrugged, as thought he wasn't minding that much the answer we would have given him. It looked like he didn’t need more explanation to keep going. “You, take the bucket and go pick up more water, she’s already dried.” He ordered Nam around, and strange enough, my brother complied without any contest. While my brother left the shed, I looked at Daehyun kneeling down and ripping the woman’s clothes.

“What do you plan to do exactly?” I asked, tilting my head on the side.

“You’ll know about it soon enough,” he chuckled, taking a lot of pleasure in whatever he was doing. He grabbed a hammer and as testing it, he hit it hard onto the ground, right next the woman’s head. She tried to move away, but she couldn’t move that further in the position she was in. Daehyun stood up and handed me the hammer. “She’s all yours.” He said and I enclosed my fingers around the hammer, enjoying every last second of it. I didn’t put that much time before I let it fall over and over again on the woman below. At every hit, she let out a muffled scream and it made me want to keep it on and to never stop. It was as if every cry of her was calling for the next hit. I could feel some bones cracking here and there, not at every hit, but after a few ones at the same spot, it would occur in no time. It was as relieving as when your back hurts and you make it crack, you then feel a lot better. Name came back at that time with the bucket of water.

“Having fun without me?” he said approaching us and put down the bucket at his feet, I handed him the hammer and he was about to take it when Daehyun prevented him to.

“I have something better for you,” he said grabbing the bucket and upturned it over the woman. He then turned back to the table he had been sitting on and took out a car’s battery with two metallic clamps. Daehyun handed it to Nam who grabbed it, not knowing what to do with it. He made a questioning gesture with it, pointing to the woman and Daehyun nodded. So Yongnam did it. He pressed the metallic parts of the clamps against the woman’s bare and wet skin, soon the room was filled with a putrid smell. The clamps had only been in contact with the woman’s skin for a second that Daehyun made my brother remove it already. “Don’t let it for too long, or she might die too soon.” A smirk spread from my brother’s face until mine and he handed me the other clamp. So one after the other, we pressed it over the woman’s skin, her scream being muffled and pork’s like scent was soon filling the shed. People outside might think we were cooking some barbecue but never would I eat this kind of meat.

 After a few shots, it wasn’t any fun anymore as the woman wasn’t screaming nor trashing around. We dropped the clamps with my brother and turned to Daehyun. “Can we end it already, it’s getting boring, look she’s already half dead.” I complained and Daehyun approached us to poke the woman with his foot.

“You sure you want to kill her? We can stop here and start again another day,” he said while looking for something in his jean’s pockets. The woman looked at us hope and expectation filling her eyes.

“She tried to kill us through those past seven years, never stopping but always missing. We aren’t failures like her, we won’t miss her.” Nam replied and I nodded.

“As you want,” Daehyun shrugged and took out a syringe from his pocked. He removed the little cap in plastic from it.

“What is it?” I asked tilting my head and Nam lied himself over me, hugging me from behind.

“I robbed it to my father,” he winked to me yet without answering. He kneeled down to the woman and pressed it against her skin before emptying it in her. We looked at her full of excitement but she did nothing else than closing her eyes and her chest stopped moving.

“Is that all?” I asked again, a hint of disappointment it turned out this way being hearable in my voice, the before had been way funnier.

“That’s life” Daehyun laughed taking out his phone and Nam grabbed his hand.

“What are you doing?

\- My father will come take care of the body, we can’t let it here this way or they will make a connection with us.” He explained taking the phone with his other hand and typed down a number. “Dad, it’s me. I’m in the park’s shed, can you come?” he said and hung up. I highly doubted for his father to be able to give him an answer, and we would be lucky if he had even been able to understand what he said.

I approached the woman and upturned her with my foot; Nam crouched down and made her open one eye. She looked like she was spacing out, not looking at anything in particular. We kept looking at the dead body, until someone knocked on the door. Daehyun opened and a man entered, by the way Daehyun acted toward him we supposed for him to be his father. The man froze completely when he noticed my brother and me handling the dead body, looking at every aspect of it. She did looked like she was sleeping, only her chest not moving was betraying this fact. “Is she…” he started to ask and Daehyun answered that yes, she was.

We stood up and took a step away from the woman while Daehyun’s father crouched down. He pressed two fingers against the woman’s throat. He waited a few seconds before sighing and he looked up at us, “do you realize what you have done?”

I raised an eyebrow at him and Nam smiled, “we killed her.” He said and this time it was his turn to raise an eyebrow at the man in front him while I smiled at theses three simple words. How could only three little words make me so happy?

The man then turned to his son, “why did you help these kids? Can’t you see they’re not in their right mind?” he scolded his son and I wanted to protest but Nam prevented me to. How come? We were on our right mind, it was only because he had no idea all the things she’d done to us! How unfair…

“Because they’ll help Youngjae to enter MAMA school,” Daehyun replied. His voice became soft as he pronounced his friend’s name.

“And you believed them… they’re only kids Daehyun.” The man kept scolding his son as thought we weren’t there or didn’t understand what he was saying.

“Excuse me,” I started and this time Nam couldn’t hold me back. “But our father is the director of MAMA and if we ask him to enroll your son and his friend, he will.

\- Will he still when he’ll learn you killed that woman?

\- I thought it was the reason why Daehyun called for you… so he won’t ever know.” I spit back and he sighed, I could hear Nam chuckling in my ear.

\- I guess I will have to keep an eye on both of you…” he sighed again standing up and took out his own phone, “now it’s time for kids to go play outside. Go enjoy the sun while it’s still here.” He dismissed us with a movement of his hand and I wasn’t about to obey him like one of his puppet but Daehyun and Nam dragged me out of the shred.

“Let my father take care of it,” Daehyun reassured us as we walked into the park as normal kids. No one could tell what we have just done, and even to me it felt like it never happened. Soon I wasn’t thinking about the woman anymore as we run around with Nam and Daehyun. The only moment I thought about the woman again was when I noticed three men, all dressed in colorful shirts entering the shed. But then Nam caught me and it was my turn to catch either Daehyun or Nam.

 

Later that day, we came home and our father asked where the woman was. We had repeated well with Daehyun’s father, “she dumped us after the restaurant.

\- Impossible!

\- True! They were three men, they asked her to lend her some money. So she asked us to leave before. Don’t worry; she said she would come home shortly after us.” Nam said and I nodded. Our father’s face went white and he called for the police. Later that night, they found the dead body in one of the city’s back alley. They said she had been raped and murdered by an unknown band. No matter how much our father wanted to use his money, no policemen wanted to go after the murderer. They might be aware that it was Daehyun’s father and were scared of him, or they were just working for him… or maybe both.

Our father cried all night and he mourned her the whole week. A few weeks later, the blonde woman was back and with my brother we made her well understand she would be the next one. This time she didn’t try to tell our father and since that day we never saw her again at our place. She kept saying to our father she was busy with work. My father offered her to give her money, but in the end, she’d been smart enough to refuse it.

After all, Daehyun had been right, to have his father by our side made things a lot easier.

**END FLASHBACK**

* * *

 

The more I narrated him my story, the more I could feel Zelo tensing up. Fear was discernible in his eyes and now he was like Daejung in the first place, he thought I was just some crazy kid. But he had heard the before, all the things this woman had tried to do… I needed some reaction from Zelo, but I got nothing. Not even a gasp or a shocked reaction, just nothing. “Zelo…” I called out for his name and he looked up toward me, I moved my hand to caress his cheek. He didn’t lean into my touch nor did he try to move away. After a few minutes in this position saying nothing I decided to break the silence, “it’s time for bed” I said and he nodded. “I’ll go shower first.

\- Go,” he offered me a weak yet forced smile and I nodded back to him. I stood up and walked the slower I could to the bathroom. At any moment I turned to him to look at his face, too scared of the expression he would be having. I had lived with this memory the whole time, so it wasn’t hard for me to keep on living, but what about Zelo? That’s why I had warned him that I thought he wasn’t ready to hear it… When I came out the shower, Zelo was still there; sitting on the sofa, but his position had changed. He was now hugging his knees against his chest, rocking himself back and forth. I sat next him and rest my hand in his back. He was so stiff under my touch. “Zelo” once again, I called his name out with a soft voice, trying to be as gentle as I could. He turned his face to me and when our eyes met he finally smiled to me, “hyung…” he said and hugged me. I had no idea what he was thinking about, but I should enjoy he was taking it so well.

I slipped my arms around him and standing up, I hold him in my arms and brought him to my room while he was snuggling against my neck. I settled him down on my bed, “now you have to put your pajama on” I said and he nodded, but he didn’t’ make any move. He kept looking at me without doing anything else. I sighed and walked to his bag he had taken from Daejung’s and I looked through it, finally I found one pajama and I handed it to him. Instead of taking the tissue, he raised both his arms in the air. I blinked at him before chuckling and I removed his shirt. I was about to put on his pajama’s shirt but I stopped before I could. Leaning forward, I caressed his bare chest with the tip of my fingers. His skin was smooth under my touches and I felt like I hadn’t the right to touch him, like I would be soiling him. Yet, I couldn’t stop.

Then, Junhong laid back on my bed and I hovered him. Approaching my face to his smooth skin, I kissed his chest and moved to his nipple to which I give a lick. “Hyung…” he moaned and tried to grab my face. But before he could, I grabbed both his wrists in one hand which I pinned on the mattress above his head. I kept kissing his chest and I slipped another hand down his stomach, until his pants. There I massaged him through the fabric and he squirmed under my touches. Looking up to his face, I noticed he had his eyes closed while he tried to move away from my hand. But it didn’t felt like he was disgusted, it looked more like it was only because he couldn’t handle it. I had to make sure of it. Had he forgave me and forget my past that easily?

I slid my hand until between his skin and the fabric which was still covering him, and here I found his erection. He opened wide eyes as my hand enclosed him and he let out a loud gasp, “no! Hyung! Don’t!” He burst trying to sit up but I was still pinning him down to my bed. Moving up, so I could have a better look at his face, I hovered him so my face was right in front his and I started to jerk him up. “No…” his eyes got teary and I frowned at this.

“Why?” Was he disgusted by my touches? If that was so, I wanted him to say so and then I would stop. I was ready to wait for him to be. He had just to be as honest I had been with him.

“I don’t want… you to…

\- To what?” I kept asking, while I kept working on him at a faster pace, I could feel drop of his pre-cum on my fingers.

“To see me … like this…” I stopped and he opened his tearful eyes. “Don’t stare at me…” he complained and I could only smile at how cute he sounded.

“You’re beautiful, I want to stare at you for the rest of my life,” I confessed and kissed him.

“H-hyung… release me… please…” Against my will, I did as he asked me but contrary to what I thought, he didn’t try to move away. Instead, he wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me toward him, plunging both of us in a deeper kiss.

“What a cute boy” I chuckled catching back my breath and a short spasm ran through his body before he exploded into my hand. I looked down at my hand and back at his face. He was covering it with both his own hands.

“I’m sorry Hyung…

\- What for?” I chuckled taking out my hand and I grabbed a tissue to wipe it. He didn’t replied, but once I was done cleaning my hand and throw the tissue into the bin I looked back at him. Junhong had been staring at me through his fingers and when our eyes met, he closed his fingers to break the eye contact. “Are you being shy?” I asked and he nodded from behind his hands. Leaning forward I kissed each one of his little fingers before taking his hands in my own. “Don’t be baby.” I smiled to him and he pouted.

“Don’t call me like this…

\- I call you the way I want.

\- Maybe but not like this… not after I…” he tried to take back his hand to hide behind it, but I prevented him to.

“Was it that fast because of your hormones or did you got that excited just for me?” I asked leaning forward to claim his lips.

“Hyuuuuuuung!” he whined but answered my kiss nonetheless.

“I just wonder,” I chuckled and he puffed his cheeks out.

“…only for you…” he mumbled, his face turning a bright red and I kissed him again.

“And what about my story?

\- It’s a sad story…” he mumbled, taking back his hands for him, only to rest it on my cheeks, he gave me a soft peck. “But as you told me one day, past is the past and what’s important is what and how you are right now.” I blinked at him, was that even that simple? Just because I had said that once… “And I love you right now.” I was taken aback by his words.

“You mean… you like when I do that?” I asked rubbing my hand against his inner thigh and he slapped it away.

“Hyung! I said I love you!” he scolded me, and somehow his words didn’t reflected his actions right now, but even, his words soothed my heart.

“I love you baby” I wrapped his thin body with myself. Locking my boy into my embrace and was ready to let myself off to sleep feeling at peace after I got this stress off my shoulders.

“Hyung…

\- Hmmm?

\- I need to take off my pants…” he mumbled and I released him chuckling.


	55. Love me

“Hyung” I hadn’t touched him yet and he was already moaning this sweet melody to my face. His own was bright red but he looked less shy than the first time I had granted him this little pleasure.  My fingers making wonders only with the strength of my wrist.

“What? I’m not into you yet” I chuckled, nude, kneeling on my bed, both of his legs wide opened for me. He pouted but said nothing. Instead he opened even wider his legs, literally offering himself to me, so in the end I had barely to do anything. Just to welcome this sweet present, even though it was neither my birthday nor my twin’s one. “How fat do you think I am?” once again, I laughed and I felt bad for it. I knew it was his first time and that I should make it more romantic, more wonderful than just laughing at every cute action this boy did.

The boy lying on his back in front me looked at me with a puzzled look and I smirked at him. Approaching him as a predator would with his prey, I leaned both my arms on each side of his head so I was hovering his small body. Pressing my hard shaft against his own, I leaned all my weight on my left arm so I could grab his thigh with my other hand. I moved it as easy as moving the blanket to cover my body with. “You don’t have to open it that wide! It’s better if I can feel your skin on mine” I whispered to him. When I could finally feel his thigh’s skin against my own, he looked down to my shoulder to avoid my eyes. Yet he still moved his other leg to press it on my other side. “Isn’t it better?” I asked caressing his thigh up until I would be able to grab myself to place me at his rear’s entrance.

He closed his eyes tight, probably scared of the pain. At this time, one thought crossed my mind, the one to back up in this right instant. I realized how young he was and how bad what we were doing was. But the second his arms enclosed around my neck with still his eyes closed, this idea was gone as fast as it had come to me. I leaned forward to reassure him with a kiss. Thanks to the whole preparation beforehand and to the half bottle of lube I had emptied on him, it wasn’t that hard to penetrate him. I still could feel him tightening the more I tried to enter him, his face torn in a painful expression. But with another gentle kiss on his temple and my hand petting his hair, added with a bit of time staying still, I waited for him to adapt.

“It hurts… hyung…” he cried out in a silent whisper, his eyes closed tight as thought it would make the pain go this way. I kept petting his head, apologizing and promising him it would soon be better, that with the time he would come to love it. “Do you …” he had some difficulties to speak, but I remained still. It was the first time for me also, to be that considerate toward a mate. “Like it?

\- If I like what?

\- me…” I blinked at him and he finally opened big round wet eyes, red also because of the effort he was doing to bear it. I smiled and nodded before kissing his nose, which make him break a smile too on his face for a mere second. “What…

\- Hmm?

\- Tell me… what do you like…

\- I like…” I took my time to think about it, focusing on the feeling on my skin but also of what it made me feel in my heart. “It’s comfortable… it could be better, but your cozy insides are melting me, it’s smooth all around me and it makes me want to feel you more.” He closed his eyes listening to my voice and I could literally feel that it was making him more relaxed so I kept on. “I also feel… like I can’t get enough of it. I want you for myself only. Not even my brother has the right to touch you, did you got it?” I asked, the situation earlier had upset me but in the end I couldn’t be angry at him. It wasn’t his fault. He nodded, a wide smile appearing in front of me so I enjoyed this moment. I rolled my hips in a lazy motion, testing how it would go. He tensed all over again, closed back eyes and grabbed my shoulders with both his hands, nails digging in my skin.

“Stop! IT! It hurts! Really! A lot!” tears fall from the corner of his eyes to end onto the cushion under his head. I didn’t stop and looked at his face as I retreated myself just to get back in. “Hyung…” he whined his head falling on the side and I kissed his cheek before moving my lips to his ear.

“You’re only mine” I whispered accelerating a bit my pace before licking his earlobe. At some time, he ended by moaning and as the first time I had heard him, it was still beautiful. It wasn’t faked. This boy was so true. This is how it all started with Yeon.

YONGAM POINT OF VIEW

FLASHBACK

ONE YEAR AGO, IN JAPAN

We use the word ‘finally’ too often, but this time wouldn’t be too much. So, finally! I found this place. A great relief got me, but at the same time I couldn’t stop to wonder if it was still that much a good idea. Now that I was standing in front her house. My heart was pounding fast and strong against my chest, it was probably trying to jump out my body to go meet up with her faster. Was this what people call love? But I did love my brother and never had I my heart pounding this way for him. In the other hand, I was always with my brother, we were barely apart, and it would be the first time I would see her since a long time. I scarcely remembered her face or how she truly was, but I couldn’t forget this feeling.

Not only me, but Guk did too, we loved her. We loved this warm and lovely feeling emanating from her whole existence. Just the thought of her comforting arms around us, was enough comfort for our jolted minds. I remember this time, we were both crying behind the door of the toilet because we never accepted to be more than a few seconds away from her. And to think that our father prevented us to see her for years, he knew we loved her the most. Was he feeling jealous then? We had no idea, and we didn’t care. He had taken her away from us, and that was the trigger of the whole story. It was his fault we were disturb kids. But now, it would be the end. I found her back and all the hard work our father did to keep us away from each other would be turned to nothing. A dark smirk appeared on my face at the idea of our father seeing me coming home with our mother.

“You know you look like a creep? Smiling this way in front someone’s house?” Someone spoke to me, and tore me out of my little world. I turned a bored face to the boy next me. He looked quite younger than me, his sharp eyes and blonde hair gave him the bad boy look, but his voice sounded warmer that he looked. He gave me the weird look, probably trying to scare me away, but it would never work on me, neither on my brother. Doctors said we had some disease called Apathy, or Ataraxia, or maybe both… . It prevented us to feel anything. The Doctors told our father we were the kind to tend to become schizophrenic. Whose would never feel any compassion toward anyone. Bullshit if you want my opinion. With my brother we never understood what was this ‘compassion’ the Doctors were speaking about. As if not being the same as all other people made us sick. In other words, being different was a sickness in itself? Whatever they said, everything would come to an end and be back to normal once I would be able to take her home.

“I don’t care” I mumbled turning back toward the house, my finger moving toward the bell to ring it.

“What do you want to the Wu Family?” the boy was annoying asking me question as if he was involved in whatever I was doing.

“Why do you care?” I groaned and before I could ring the bell, he put himself between me and the gate of her place, he pressed a hand against my chest to push me away. A hand I was fast to grab and I pulled him toward me. “You’re annoying you know?

\- I know.” He smirked back to me, sweat pearling down his face. Truth was that this kid was scared but he tried not to show it.

“Do you know the Wu Family?” I asked rolling my eyes, fighting against this kid was just a loss of time.

“Yeah, what do you want to them?

\- Them…” I repeated after him, whispering it for myself. I thought she had made up a false name for our father to not be able to find her back. But never had I thought she would have make up a new family here…. “I want to talk to Mrs. Wu” I said and as soon as her name left my lips, the boy relaxed. He looked at the ground as he plunged his fists in his pockets after I released him.

“And so do I…” he mumbled and I tilted my head, wondering what he was speaking about. “Who’s asking her?” The boy looked back up to me.

“My name is Kim Him Chan. I’m making some researches for a friend about MAMA whole school’s director. I heard she had been his wife in the past.” I asked carefully. I didn’t know how much this kid knew about the Wu Family and mostly about the past she was probably trying to hide to everyone. But it looked like he knew more than just the external appearance as a scowl appeared on his face.

“What if she was… she’s no more!” he burst at me as if I had offended him. He took out his fists ready to jump on me and I was ready to welcome him when a man stopped him.

“What are you doing?” he asked panting as he had run to us so he could put himself in between both of us.

“He said he wants to talk to Mrs. Wu, that she was MAMA’s director ex-wife.” The boy whistled through his teeth and the man turned his back to the boy to face me, as protecting him from me.

“Who are you?

\- I’m Kim Him Chan.

\- I know what the young master Kim Him Chan looks like… So now tell me who you truly are.” I raised an eyebrow at his answer, but this man looked like he knew enough.

“So you know Himchan…” I sighed, “I’m Bang Yong Nam.

\- Yongnam…” he whispered out looking at me from heat to toe before jumping on me. I was about to fight him off. But instead of punching me, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight before he started crying on my shoulder. I was puzzled as I had no idea of what was going on. Did that man knew I was Mrs. Wu’s son? That it had been a long time since we saw each other? So this must be tears of joy we would soon be gathered all together. I stayed still not knowing which reaction to have. Finally, he released me and patted my head. “You’re so tall now, you’re a grown up young man. Please enter, I’ll explain you everything.”

I wondered who that man was and why did he sounded like he knew me since a long time, but mostly about what he wanted to explain. What was left to explain? I was here to find my mother and to take her back home. But as I stepped into the house, I understood everything right away.

Right in front me, was an altar with the picture of a woman. Some offerings were presented in front the picture. As my eyes landed on this nightmare vision, I fall on my knees, neither my brain nor my body wanted to process with all this. This couldn’t be true…

The man pressed a hand on my shoulder, probably trying to cheer me up but it wouldn’t work this easily. I needed my brother for this. He passed by me to light a candle before he made a short prayer for her and he turned toward me. “I’ll let you a moment with her, come to the living room once you’re done” he whispered cupping my face. His thumbs whipped my face which I didn’t know was wet and he kissed my forehead. Why was that man that considerate toward me? Who was he? After the boy was done praying also, they left me alone in front the picture of a beautiful woman.

I grabbed it and looked at her face, caressing the cold piece of glass in my hands. Her warm smile wasn’t reaching me for once, but now I had a picture of her face, I could finally place this one onto all the memories I had of her. I was holding it that tightly the glass broke in my hand. But still, I kept holding it tighter, praying for whoever was ruling this world to give her back to me. No one had the right to take away such a gentle person. Why had the bad people to be winning all the time? Couldn’t it be like in movies for once, for the good people to win and live happily forever? I hugged the broken picture against my chest and closed tight my eyes. My head was hurting and only was left the next thought: what would I be living for from now on?

I stood up the best I could, still hugging the picture against my chest and moved my empty self to where the man was waiting for me. I stood there looking at both the man and the kid, wondering if they were the last family my mother had before she left this world. The man made me sit on the sofa. He offered me a hot chocolate while the boy was busy trying to take the picture from me so he could clean and heal my hand. My mouth was dry and I didn’t know it would be that difficult to speak out words in this situation. “What… what’s happened? What… what did she die from?

\- Cancer. She had it since a long time already, and even before you came to the world she knew about it. It was a long run fight against it, but in the end it caught her back…” he explained and

 I nodded at it. It didn’t sound like it would be lie.

“Did you know her well?” I asked him and he nodded back to me.

“We were childhood friends, we grew up together. I was supposed to be your godfather.

\- I have no memory of you.

\- That’s kind of sad… but it’s okay, it’s better if you only have memories left of her.

\- Tell me more about her… my father never wanted to.

\- She was kind and she loved you and your brother a lot, more than everything else. You were her little angels.” As the man spoke about her, I closed my eyes for no more tears to fall from it, but it turned out to be a complete fail. I decided then to open it back and to endure it all until the end. The boy came to sit next me and hold my hand gently. I looked at him and he smiled at me. “When your father inherited all his fortune, he wanted to take insurance and so he had to go through his wife’s medical documents. That’s when he learned about her cancer. You know, your father loved her very much, so it was a big shock to him. He didn’t accept it. He asked her to go get healed in the best hospitals but she refused to live as someone sick. She wanted to enjoy the time which was left to her being with her family than being enclosed in a hospital room. She had lived her whole life this way, and it wasn’t because of money she didn’t go to get healed. She always said that she was born with this sickness and that she would die with it.”

He took a break at this time to collect himself too and everything was making sense now. How a lovely father could have turn this way only with his wife. And it explained also, why our father always took us to Doctors all the time at every little thing and always panicked a lot. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; my father had always been the bad guy. So in the end, there were never good or bad people in this world?

“Greedy women had always been turning around your father. But it was starting from this instant that he started to accept them all. He was trying to find a mother substitute for you for when your mother would have leave this world. Your mother, she couldn’t bear it, to see her husband acting like she was already dead. She tried to run away with you, I was there at this time, I had your brother in my arms and she had you in hers. She told him that if he couldn’t live in the present time, then she would for him with only the both of you and your brother.

\- But those women our father wanted them to be our new mother… they never planned it. They tried to get rid of us.

\- Your father was already mourning your mother; he wasn’t in his right mind.

\- I think he still isn’t…

\- It’s been really hard on him.

\- What happened when she left?

\- We managed to take you to the port, but there we got arrested by the police. Your father agreed to let her go; she was already dead for him after all, only if she accepted to let you to him. Otherwise, he would have asked for her to go to prison. With his new acquired power, he could do whatever he wanted. He didn’t want both of you to be sad for when she would die, and she understood this wish of her husband, but it’s never easy to accept such thing. He was already lost in his own world. She then asked only for a few seconds with both of you which he granted her. She took you apart and the following had been narrated to me by her. She warned you about the women with your father to be only after his money.

\- That’s why we knew this whereas we were still too young to understand…

\- I guess so.

\- But it saved our life.

\- I’m glad to hear it and I’m sure she knew about it. She told you these women never wanted to be your mother. I remember also this time when we learned that the young master Kim Him Chan would go to MAMA’s school. The Kim family is also famous here, and when your mother learned about their son to be friend with both of you. She made all her possible to meet with his mother when she would be on trip here. It wasn’t an easy task, but she never gave up. She was granted a few minutes with Mrs. Kim and she introduced herself as being your mother. Then Mrs. Kim promised her she would be taking care of you two on her behalf.

\- Yeah, she’s like a real mother to us.” I nodded at this, somehow happy that Himchan’s mother had been looking after us. Thus that our mother had been this way be a bit nearer to us. On the other hand, I felt also angry Mrs. Kim hadn’t told us anything about this meeting while we were looking for our mother so badly.

“I know what you’re thinking right now. But your mother asked Mrs. Kim to not tell you where she was. She said that destiny would make it. If you didn’t meet before she died, then that it was because you weren’t meant to meet. So don’t be sad, she was never sad and she didn’t hold a grudge against your father. She understood his feelings and she still loved him, because your father still loves her.”

I nodded at this unable to add anything. Even though our mother had been dying, weren’t us all mean to die some day? It was just that she was meant to sooner, but in my opinion not something to prevent us to grow up with a loving and caring mother. Speaking about growing up with her, I looked at my side; the boy was now hooked on me, looking up at my face with sparking eyes. “What about this kid?” I asked the man, my eyes plunged into the boy’s ones who blushed as I spoke about him.

“Your father had asked her to change her name, and so she did. Even though we got along a lot, she didn’t want to take mine. So she went to adopt a kid and she took his name. This one kid in your arms right now.” The man chuckled at the weird position we were in with the kid, he didn’t want to let me go and every second got his hold tighter hooked on me. “She was made to be a mother, and so she decided to become this kid one.” I frowned at the boy in my arms, but before I could say anything he beat me to it.

“Don’t be angry after me hyung, I grown up with her, but she always loved you the most. I’m also jealous of you, you know.” He smiled to me and I relaxed before I could even get worked up. He moved to sit on my lap facing me, “Hyung… please, don’t hate me. You’re my only hyung. What is left of my family,” he said with tearful eyes and I wrapped my arms around him, smiling to him.

“I don’t hate you. I understand perfectly. But I’m not your only hyung, you have my brother too.” He gave me a single nod before he tried to move away but I didn’t let him go. I enjoyed the man was taking our empty cup to the kitchen to hold the boy’s face and kiss him. He blushed even more than he was actually doing and gasped putting a hand over his mouth. “See? I don’t hate you. What’s your name?

\- Ji Ho. Wu Ji Ho.

\- Where’s your bedroom Ji Ho?

\- Upstairs.

\- Come, I’ll show you what a brother’s love is like.” I grinned to this innocent kid who was easy to fool and trap. I needed to let out all the frustration I had gathered within a single conversation.

“Where are you going?

\- I’m tired, so we’re going to take a brother nap. I always do that with Yongguk.” I told the man who nodded to me and let us go. It wasn’t because I just learned that my father was actually a good father. Neither about how tragic his love story with my mother was, that I would change that easily. I had grown up to be a bad guy, and it wouldn’t change that soon.

END OF FLASHBACK

As I lowered my hand, the whip hit against the skin. It wasn’t sharp enough to cut through it, it simply left behind a reddish skin with mark of the leather. With every hit, it was one of my sins which was being torn and destroyed. A last cry left her mouth as I uncuffed Hyosung. She was the only one Daejung allowed me to use for this kind of hobby. Not that it was really one. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. It was something I had to do. I couldn’t go on another week without erasing every mistake I could have done the past one. The biggest one had been to fall for this kid. Who was I to fall in love? What right did I have to? This kid, he didn’t know anything about me, and yet he kept bragging about how much he loved me.

“Is something bothering you?

\- When isn’t something bothering me?” I asked back to Hyosung as she put back on her clothes, probably ready to go to another client right after she would have left my place. After the sound of a zip I could feel arms slipping around me and her face coming nearer to mine as I was sitting on the bed, she back hugged me.

“You were rougher than last time,” she whispered into my ear before kissing it. Before, it didn’t annoy me that she would do that kind of stuff. She could do whatever she wanted; it was never turning me on. I was the master of my own body and I always chosen what was exciting from what wasn’t. When it would be exciting and when it wouldn’t be anymore. Not that it was making any effect like this right now, on the contrary I felt annoyed. Before… but before what?

“Can’t I have a week which had been worse than the previous ones?

\- I don’t think it’s this way. I was more thinking about the contrary.” She held my chin and made me look at her as she tried to kiss me. I stopped her before she could engage anything.

“What are you doing?” I frowned at her and she chuckled. I released her pushing her away from me so she let me have a break and get back my own space.

“Look at yourself… why don’t we fuck?

\- Do we have to fuck every time?

\- You always want to.

\- Not this time.

\- This is what I told you.” I looked at her annoyed. I wasn’t stupid, I knew where she wanted this conversation to go, but I was nowhere near to agree with that. “You’re not the first customer I have who falls in love with someone.” That was enough and more than she was allowed to speak out. Turning round, I grabbed her by her neck to pin her down on my bed and I sat over her. I leaned toward her so I could whisper to her.

“I’m not your customer.

\- You give me money so you can do whatever you want to with my body… What are you calling this then?

\- If I want to I could just kill you right now without feeling concerned about the consequences, because there would be none. So what do you call someone who gives you money because he pities you?

\- I call this… a dangerous customer.” I got her point and I released her chuckling. That was one of the reason I liked Hyosung the best. In addition that only she could bear everything, she had a sharp tongue despite her social position.

“I’m not in love.” I tried to convince myself saying those words but even Junhong wouldn’t buy it. She raised an eyebrow at me and I had to add, “I don’t have the right to…

\- Yongguk does.

\- I’m not Yongguk. I did worst things than he did.

\- I believe every human deserves their own happiness no matter what-

\- You’re stupid and I didn’t asked for your opinion.” I spit back, cutting her mid-sentence.

“Everybody think you’re the bad guy, but I know. You’re way nicer than your brother.

\- No, you know nothing.

\- Yongnam, you also deserve to be happy. There is no such stuff as having a right to fall in love.” My hands turned into fists. I didn’t like where we were going with this conversation, why was she feeling that she had to turn down my brother to make me feel happy? Did he have to be turned into the bad guy so I could be happy? So I had to keep being the bad one for my brother to stay happy? I didn’t understand this way of thoughts. I never liked people to bad mouth my brother, even if it was to cheer me up. Only my brother mattered and only him could cheer me up. We never had anything like competition with my brother. If I fall for this boy, I had the bad feeling we would start having one.

“The day a man call you, a slut, to speak her mind about the way he should live, give me a call, okay? I wouldn’t want to miss that.” I mumbled standing up from the bed and left my bedroom. I walked to the living while she gathered her last stuff and I unlocked the front door for her. She approached me with something I recognized as being a sad face, or was it a repentant one?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to speak badly about your brother. I-” as she was too slow I opened the door for her and handed her bills for the job she did.

“Take your fucking money and get the hell out of here.” Without adding anything this time, she obeyed like she had been taught to do when she would reach her professional limit with me. As I was about to close the door, I noticed the boy to be in the corridor. He was looking at the slut leaving my place with her money, a shocked expression plastered on his face before he looked back at me.

“Hyung…” he whispered out and he was about to cry, or maybe was he about to burst what a jerk I was. But I had never promised this kid I would be his, only that he was mine only to use. Truthfully, right now, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with a kid. I closed the door before he could add anything else. I went to take a shower, the sound of his fists against my door accompanying my steps toward the bathroom.

 

I enjoyed the time of a warm shower to empty my mind. Most of all, I wanted to forget I ever had this kind of conversation with Hyosung. Sure we usually talked together. She was a great source of information. But conversation about my own privacy wasn’t something I could deal with. Basically, I never spoke about my private life with anyone except of my brother. When I left my bathroom, ready for a good night of sleep, I had the surprise to find the boy, who was supposed to be in the corridor, to be in my living. He was waiting for me patiently, sitting on the sofa. “How did you even?” I asked looking and pointing at the door, before looking back at him.

“You hadn’t locked your door.” He shrugged. One good point was that now he didn’t look like he was on the edge to burst in tear. Tearful faces weren’t something I could deal with either. I had already one time with him when I told him to give up on Junhong, not two, not now.

“What are you even doing here?” I asked moving to him as I wiped my hair with a towel.

“I … I wanted to see you” he confessed blushing, looking down to his knees. So I got the thing he wanted to /see/ me. Leaning toward him, I hold his chin up and was about to kiss him when he avoided me, looking at somewhere else in the room, avoiding my eyes.

“What? I thought you wanted to see me?

\- I thought too but … this girl …

\- What girl? Hyosung?” I asked and he nodded pinching his lips making me laugh. “She’s not a girl, she’s a slut.

\- It’s worst!” and here he was, bursting at me. I grabbed his face with a single hand and forced him to stand up. But as he wasn’t even reaching my height, I had to bend forward to speak to his face.

“Don’t burst at me.” I threatened him through my teeth and he nodded obediently like a nice puppet. “This place isn’t your home, kiddo. Go back with your parents.” I sighed releasing him.

“I will wait for you Hyung.” I blinked at him, he wasn’t making any sense. “I will wait for you.” And here came the tears as he blinked his big eyelashes at me.

“What are you waiting for?” I kept sighing, this kid kept taking me off guard, and I had no other way to react or even to think calmly about how I should be reacting.

“I’ll wait for you to realize your feelings for me.

\- Aren’t you a bit too full of yourself?” I chuckled flicking his forehead which he wiped with his hand, whining and pouting, well, the entire cute stuff combo.

“I have to be, until you realize.

\- You’ll only get hurt.

\- I know, but I love you, Hyung.” He smiled at me but I couldn’t.

“You’re just a kid.” In other word, it was a state which wouldn’t last. Nonetheless I cupped his face, and even though he tried to resist and to avoid me one time again. I kissed him.

“No!” he kept whining as I hold him still, pushing back forcefully my lips over his.

“I thought you loved me.” I grinned to him once I had enough.

“It’s just… you…” I released him and let him jabbed about his monolog while I made my way to my room.

“Well, it’s up to you. I’m ready for a crazy night with you, but I wouldn’t refuse a good night of sleep either.” I smirked to him and he blushed looking at the ground, frowning at his own confusion. He wanted it, yet his principles were stopping him. I left him with his own thoughts and dug myself into the comfortable mattress. Finally, after a few minutes, the boy was showing his face into my room and I looked at him. “Did you make up your mind before I fall asleep?

\- Did you two…

\- What do you think? Because you saw a slut leaving my place with money I gave her. That we fucked?” I asked but he answered back nothing. I think this kid was starting to know me. Looking at his face through the dark room I could still depict it quite clearly, he wanted to answer that of course he would think that. But then, if I asked, it meant there could have been another answer. Not only the first one had he thought to be the truth. But did what he thought was always the truth? He didn’t looked so sure anymore.

Either he got to the conclusion I had done nothing sexual with Hyosung, in whatever definition of the concept he had of it in his little mind. Either he had given up on finding an answer. Or he might be not caring about it, his puberty craves being too strong for his weak self. Nevertheless, he was now stripping from everything covering his body before joining me in my bed. He tried to hug me but instead I laid him on his back and placed myself where I should be. “I just wanted to snuggle…” he mumbled.

“And you had to remove all your clothes for this?” I asked him, wondering what was preventing me for keeping up. It had never bothered me to do whatever I wanted without taking in account whoever was in front me to be feeling like.

“My clothes are dirty and you just took your shower… I didn’t want to dirty your bed.” He mumbled, still avoiding my eyes and I sighed before leaving my warm bed. I had barely warmed it and I had to leave it to look through my closets. It was chilling, so I grabbed the first shirt I found and put it on the boy. He looked at me as if he knew I had abandoned my will to fuck him because he thought he was special to me. Nothing was making him special. So why? Did he have to think he was special to me so he would be? Life was surely weird and even I didn’t get all the nonsense of it. Once he was covered I lay back in my bed and as he had intended to, he snuggled close to me. “What I felt the most jealous about was that she looked like you knew each other since a long time.” He mumbled in the dark.

“We do.” I answered, closing my eyes so I wouldn’t see his face anymore. I wasn’t anything like being nyctalope, but odd enough, it turned out to be easy for me to depict his face and expression even in the dark.

“Since when?

\- If you don’t sleep now, I rather fuck you than turning this night into a confessional one.” I warned him and it sounded enough to him. He stopped talking, at least until the next morning.


	56. Jealous

**ZELO POINT OF VIEW**

My eyes were stuck on his muscular back. How could a back be that sexy? I thought I wasn’t really into sexy things, I mean, doing sexy things with other, it was just for actors in movies right? But this back, seeing every muscle moving smoothly around at every move he made gave me the strange urge to cover it with something I would lick off from it. Something cold which would give him goosebumps in addition of the contact of my tongue with his skin, something like ice cream.

 

I shook my head at the strange thought but it didn’t want to leave my mind. Leaning my elbows on the table in front me, I rested my chin over both my hands as I supported my head this way. At one time Yongguk-hyung peeked at me smiling and turned back to his cooking chuckling, “are you drooling because of the food or because of something else?” I heard him asking, his voice getting me out of my reverie, I wiped my mouth just in doubt, wondering if he was making fun of me or if I had been really drooling over his back. Disgusted by myself I wiped my wet hands to my shirt making a note in my head to be careful over this matter when I would be admiring Yongguk-hyung’s sexy back. After all, it was the first time I could see him shirtless and now I wanted to see more.

“Breakfast’s ready” my hyung cheered placing two plates on the counter and sat next me on the second bar stool. Digging into his fridge he had found few eggs which looked like were still comestible. The moment I closed my eyes while I was holding the chopsticks in my both hands stuck together to thank for the food, I felt lips against my temple and got distracted once again. Parting slightly my eyes, I turned my head to look at him and he pecked my lips. “You’re so cute” he chuckled and started to eat after his thanks for the food too. I followed after him. We weren’t speaking that much, the only sound being hearable was the one of two young guys munching their eggs in the morning. When I couldn’t hear his anymore, I peeked at him and he was holding his chopsticks to me, holding eggs to my mouth, “Zelo-yah, open your mouth” he cooed and I rolled my eyes at him.

“How old do you think I am?” I mumbled going back to my plate but he held me by my chin, preventing me to eat and forced me to turn back at him.

“Open” he gave me one of his playful smile and I surrounded, accepting his food treat. “My turn now” he cheered closing his eyes and opened his mouth. I chuckled and put down egg into his mouth, when he opened his eyes, he looked straight into mine.

I couldn’t hold it so I turned back to my plate, “you’re a kid Hyung” I chuckled remembering what Daejung had said about Yongguk-hyung being a problematic kid.

“I am” he ruffled my hair and it was the last thing he said before he told me to go shower while he would wash the dishes. I stood up from the stool, looking at his back again and hesitated for a moment. Should I ask him to join me? Was I ready to ask such an audacious question? After all, we had just slept in the same bed, even though we didn’t do /it/.

“You’re not going? If you don’t now we will be late for school” he raised an eyebrow at me after he just peeked, probably checking if I had went already.

“It’s just…” I mumbled, moving my weight from one leg to another and he left his dishes to come to me. He cupped my face with his hands still covered with foam and before I could add anything he had his lips over mine into a heated kiss. One of his hands moved to my nape while the other got down and on my hip before falling on my ass. I gasped and his tongue invaded my mouth, I hold myself on him grabbing his shoulders and he pulled his hand which was massaging my ass to press both our crotch together. It was a slight motion, but I could feel his hips bucking toward mine, pressing his covered member against mine, and it looked huge to me. The same as the day before, a strange noise left my mouth making me feel all embarrassed as he stopped to kiss me at the same time.

“Go shower” he ordered and released me, “your face and ass are covered with foam” he chuckled and moved back to the sink to keep washing the dishes. I glared at him and it’s with shaking legs that I walked to the bathroom. It was a habit I got by the past, when I was living at Daejung’s house, because there was always that much people in the house, it wasn’t easy to get time for myself. The only moment I would get this intimacy, was under the shower, and it was always in there that I let myself succumb to the more intimate way to take care of my body and soul.

As the warm water poured down my body, I closed my eyes facing the showerhead letting my hands soap and rub my chest and stomach, arms and back. Moving it downer I couldn’t resist letting my free hand grab my pulsing length while my other hand was holding onto the soap. Gasping, I opened my mouth and had to aim my face down so I wouldn’t drown in the shower, I felt my legs becoming weak while I tightened my grip around my shaft, remembering all too well how his huge and warm had done the same actions the night before. Ghost of his imprints remaining on every centimetres of my most intimate place. After memory of his skin against mine, images came back. Even if most of the time I had been closing it or hiding behind my fingers, after I changed my pants and came back in the bed, he had right away pulled me into his embrace as though he had been scared for me to fly away. As his body was glued to mine I realized. My hyung wasn't hard.

Opening my eyes, I was back in the shower, all muscles tensed as I relieved myself and water pouring any proof away. "So cute" I heard a chuckle and jerking my head up I noticed Yongguk-hyung was standing by the sink, white foam covering his lips as he moved his toothbrush back and forth in his mouth in a sinful way. I couldn't stand it so I averted my gaze toward the shower wall as I finished to clean myself. I still felt shy for my hyung to see me in such an intimate way. I had dream about this moment a lot of time but living it was so different from what I imagined. No matter how near we became I still felt impressed.

When I tried to step out the shower, my hyung was standing on the other side, keeping the door closed. Looking at him weirdly, expecting for anything to happen soon, the only thing he did was to grab a soap and he draw a heart on the glass door with it before kissing the inside of it. I laughed before kissing the other side of the wall where my hyung had kissed it, shaking my head amused, not remembering I ever saw my hyung being that cheesy. But well, it was the first time to really be left alone. "I knew it, you would need more time for your /shower/" Yongguk-hyung winked to me.

"Oh because you don't? Then I can stay a little longer." I tongued out to him and before I could add anything, he had opened the shower's door and started to pull down his pants.

"I don't mind showering with you in the cabin by my side," he smirked and I was shocked. Would he really ? He grabbed me by my arm to pull me out. With less time than I needed to gain back myself, I was standing by the bathroom's entrance in the corridor, Yongguk-hyung standing behind me and whispering in my ear, "but then I wouldn't be able to hold back and you would have to call sick from school, which I don't want as you already missed yesterday's classes." And then he closed the door, locking it behind me.

I felt myself blushing like I never did before and ran to the bedroom to cloth myself the fastest I could. Any suspicions about my hyung not feeling attracted to me had flee away for the moment.

 

"Is Hyung’s place up to your taste ?" I heard Youngjae-hyung asking from behind me between salads and desserts, we were in line picking our food at the cafeteria.

"It is..." I answered flushing a bit, the question making me forget I was hesitating between the carrot cake and the tiramisu, so I ended up with a yogurt. Whatever was fine as long as Youngjae-hyung didn't ask more intimate questions, and for that to happen I needed to get far from him the fastest I could.

"Hey~ you naughty kid!!" he ruffled my hair once he caught me up at the end of line where the lady was checking our tray.

"What are you talking about you two ?" Himchan-hyung asked arriving after us right at the moment Youngjae-hyung had say that.

"N-Nothing." I peeked at him, and at the same time Yongguk-hyung was stopping behind him, ready to step in the conversation as well. He smiled and before he could open his mouth I thanked the canteen lady and hurried to join Daehyun-hyung at our table where he had already started without us and was already half done eating. This way he could rob our food better while we would be speaking.

“So I guess you won’t be coming back to my place” Youngjae-hyung whined sitting next Daehyun-hyung.

“Sorry hyung” I offered him an apologetic smile as Himchan-hyung sat next to me and Yongguk-hyung next to Youngjae-hyung.

"What are you sorry for?" Yongguk-hyung asked me while exchanging his dessert with Jongup-hyung's one noticing his was better than the one he picked.

"For not going back to live with him." I explained starting to eat, defending my plate's food the best I could against Daehyun-hyung's attacks.

"Oh, you don't have to be sorry then!" Yongguk-hyung grinned and Youngjae-hyung looked at him offended.

"Of course he has! I was the first to-" but I couldn't follow their argument as Himchan-hyung was shaking a fancy ornate envelope in front my face which I accepted after wiping my mouth and giving him a respectful bow.

"What is it?" I asked looking at my name written on the golden paper and started opening it carefully, such a beautiful envelop, I couldn't rip it like a savage.

"You'll see.." Himchan-hyung sighed and I started reading out loud.

 

> { Dear Choi Jun Hong - ssi,
> 
> You are invited to the biggest and highly favored party hosted by our most beloved Kim family,
> 
> Who watches over our city since several generations now.
> 
>   
> We would be glad if you could grant us the good pleasure of your company this August 1st.
> 
>   
> Please accept our best regards,
> 
>   
> Kim Family. }

I turned round eyes to Himchan-hyung, maybe I had read wrongly. Even if I got along with my hyungs and was now living with Yongguk-hyung, how could someone like me be invited in such a prestigious party. I would be so out of place.

"Don't get impressed by all the formulation, my parents, well mostly my mum, was sad she couldn’t meet you last time when you came. And she wanted to make it all official." Himchan-hyung explained me sighing once again. I got the thing he was annoyed but I couldn't get the reason as why. Was it because his mother was forcing him to invite me? What if his parents did it on purpose to mock me or make me well understand I couldn't fit with their son and his friends? Wasn't it how it always happened in dramas?

"I don't know if I can..." I said shyly folding the letter back carefully in the envelop, feeling like it would be an affront if I didn't took care of it. They also may have forgotten but I wasn't used to all these wealthy people things. Hell, I hadn't ever go to a friend's party before. Would I even fit in such a place? Last time I went to Himchan's place had been impressive enough, and there hadn’t been that much people around. But this time all the wealthier people in town would be present. The kind of party everyone wanted and dreamed to attend.

"I’m not forcing you. It's quite boring, if you don't want to come it's okay." Himchan-hyung smiled sadly, playing absentmindedly with his food.

"I'll think about it Hyung ! Thank you." I bowed slightly which earned a chuckle from all my other hyungs.

"If Junhong doesn't go, I won't either." Yongguk-hyung was sulking in his corner and Himchan-hyung threw a few grains of rice at him.

"Did I ask if you wanted to come? No. So you and Yongnam have to come!

\- But I didn't get any invitation so...

\- I'll shove an invitation up your ass you'll see if you won’t come.

\- Ehh, you're not forcing Junhong but you're forcing me to come wile I'm your Hyung?

\- Exactly ! And you're only my hyung from a few weeks, don't get all almighty with me.

\- I hadn't received one either." Daehyun-hyung grinned stepping into the argument, my half eaten yogurt trapped in his hands.

"Seriously, don't you all dare leaving me there alone." Himchan-hyung sighed rubbing his temples and they all stared at me in silence while Himchan-hyung had his eyes closed, as if to say, if ever someone had to receive any punishment for this, it had to be me. Last thing I wanted was to be punished by Himchan-hyung.

"A-Alright! I'll come! I'll come!" I chuckled nervously and they all gave me the satisfied smile beside Himchan-hyung, the one which meant 'you chosen well, so you'll keep living.' I sighed relieved while Himchan-hyung hugged me, thanking me.

"Don't worry, I'll be there to protect you against the vultures." Yongguk-hyung told me after poking my side with his tray as he passed by me when we were leaving the cafeteria. I looked at his back smiling, following after him. If he said so, I could trust him on this, and then I knew I should start to gain more confidence so people would never say I didn't deserve him.

 

As we excited the refectory, Dongyeon was waiting by the exit, as I was the last one, I could see all of my hyungs ruffling his hair like we would do to a little boy. Like they used to do with me. I stopped where I was, shocked. Not because of what I just saw, but because I noticed only now how my hyungs had changed toward me. They had became more distant, the difference being that I was now more intimate with Yongguk-hyung at home. But what was this feeling? It was as if... I didn't want them anymore to be nice to Dongyeon.  

Shaking my head, I tried to get rid of this feeling as I stepped toward the boy. "How are you ?" I asked him carefully, being disgusted by the tone of my voice. It sounded so false for me to be worrying for him... why was it?

"Me ? I'm fine." He was smiling hugely to me and hung himself on my arm, he started dragging me through the corridors.

"You sure ? ... Yongnam-hyung seemed to be a bit ... upset when you left with him last time.

\- Ah yeah! He was!! Really a lot! He loves me and had a bit of hard time recognizing it but I know he loves me. I can feel it." Dongyeon said being all excited, he continued with details about how Yongnam-hyung had /played/ with him after I left them alone which he hadn't been able to tell me yesterday. I didn't know how to depict what I was feeling. It was like I had done something terrible with agreeing to hand the boy to Yongnam. As thought I had done something wrong which I would have to pay for the rest of my life… but then Yongguk-hyung's words came back to me. Was it only because I didn't trust Yongnam-hyung? No… it was different.

The more he talked about his two nights with Yongnam-hyung, the more I felt… jealous. I couldn't help but to compare myself to him. Both our lovers were the same, and in less time than I did, he had already went this far and looked nearer to his than I was to mine. I knew it was stupid and we couldn't make a contest of who had been the more pitiful before and was now the happier… but no matter how I tried to convince myself it was stupid and I should stop, this feeling wouldn't leave.

I stayed silent the whole time he talked and I kept smiling at his happiness, even though it wasn't reaching my eyes. I had to show him I was on his side and that after everything he went through he deserved to be happy. He walked me to my classroom and gave me a quick hug before he left running to his own.

“Is everything alright?” someone asked me, and turning round I saw Wonshik trying to check through the door above my shoulder to see who I had been looking at.

“Yeah, everything is perfect.” I said those words without believing that much into it. Wonshik looked at me weirdly but I couldn't deepen our conversation as our teacher cleared his voice, we were blocking his way to get in the classroom.

‘What's wrong?’ I received a paper from Wonshik in class on which I wrote back ‘will tell you after class.’ He gave me a single nod once he got the paper back and we didn't made any other exchange through class after.

 

“So what is it?” Wonshik asked me once Minrin left to bathroom. Opening my closet, I leaned on my side against it to look at him, making sure no one would eavesdrop us or read on my lips.

“I'm not sure. I feel restless and … maybe a bit jealous.

\- Jealous? Why?

\- Because… Dongyeon is going out with Yongguk-hyung’s brother, and-

\- And you're comparing yourself to him, who had done the most stuff and what not.” I looked at Wonshik with round eyes, was I that easy to read or did the same thing already happened to him? I was amazed by how fast he had understood the whole case. I nodded at him and he sighed before patting my shoulder, “I have no advice for you beside to not think about it. There's nothing like competition in love…” he chuckled and started walking toward our next class. I was about to follow him when I eavesdropped girls talking together by a corner of the corridor. It wasn't in my habit to do so, but one name got the better of me.

" Bang Yongguk. He's really gorgeous. " one said.

" I heard you can have chance to meet him alone on Monday at the infirmary.

\- Alone ? Do you mean ... alone ?

\- Yes ! "

They giggled and I felt myself boiling in anger. I knew it. Hyung had fucked more than one girl in and outside of school but now that he was mine.. I didn't like to be reminded of it. He was my Hyung and no one else could have him. The more the girls talked about it, the more upset I got. I wanted to shout them to get lost, that Yongguk-hyung belonged to me. But outside of my hyungs and my friends, no one knew about us being together, it wasn’t well seen to for two boys to be lovers, even though we were in the 21st century. We couldn't show our love in front the whole school and I felt a bit sad that we had to stay hidden, that I couldn't claim him totally and warn anyone that he was my property.

" Do you think I am to his taste ? "

No, you're not and would never be. My hands turned into fists and I was ready to hit either on them or on the lockers, but someone prevented me to do so. I got grabbed by my fist and pulled backward while the girls left the corridor to their class, laughing.

" Maybe. He likes beautiful girls with nice body. I heard he liked more the ones who can handle well his big- "

I closed my eyes as little hands covered my ears so I couldn't hear them anymore, once they were far enough, Minjin faced me after she removed her hands from my ears. “Don’t listen to them Junhong-ah.

\- I don't ..

\- You totally were!” she said flicking my forehead, but to do that, she had to get on her tiptoe, so I pushed her with a single finger chuckling looking at her trying to not lose her balance. Even though I was laughing, the good mood didn’t stay and we looked at each other in silence for a few seconds.

“I’ll … go rest a bit. Tell the teacher I’m not feeling good.

\- For once it wouldn’t be a lie…” I heard her whispering after she nodded to me and left to the classroom. I was checking on her when Wonshik came to pick her up, he had probably come back when he wasn’t seeing us coming. After they exchanged a few words, Wonshik waved at me and they walked to the classroom, holding hands. And I wondered since when the two had got that near…

Walking through the empty corridors to the basement, my steps echoed and the lessons taught in each class I passed by sounded muffled. Or maybe was it just me feeling it this way. I felt dizzy and from nowhere, I was scared to loose Yongguk-hyung. As if I was stepping toward another world in which we didn’t know each other. A nightmare world. Hell.

Soon, I found myself standing in the gymnasium surrounded by tons of students, the director was getting ready before his speech. Looking around me, I was searching for a familiar face, and here they were, in front the main entrance, Dongyeon staying by their side as though he belonged there. I was supposed to be there, not him. Walking to them, I waved to Himchan-hyung who was looking at me. “Who’s that kid?” he asked, his tone cold as ice and I froze hurt by his words. He didn’t sounded like he was joking.

“No idea… you know him ?” Youngjae-hyung added and turned to Dongyeon whom I looked at with hopeful eyes.

“No.” He said, but his eyes were saying the contrary. They were saying, /now it’s my turn to enjoy my time and for you to suffer/. “I don’t know him,” he continued and hung himself on Yongguk-hyung’s arm, “he wants to rob you from me.” He whined and Yongguk-hyung frowned at me.

What the hell was going on ?

“No! It’s not like this! He’s the one who robbed you from me! Why don’t you recognize me Hyung ?” I tried to defend myself, my shaking voice betraying the fact I was on the edge to break into tears. Instead of comforting me and telling me it was all a bad joke, they all frowned at me.

“Watch your mouth kid.” Daehyun-hyung threatened me and I was at a loss for words. What could I retort to that?

“Hyung…” I pleaded looking at Yongguk-hyung who wasn’t even deigning to look back at me.

“I’m not your Hyung. It’s Bang-sunbaenim for you.” He said coldly putting his arm around Dongyeon to take him away.

“HYUNG!” I cried after him but he wasn’t turning back.

“Zelo?”

“HYUNG! DON’T LEAVE ME!” I cried louder, but he was already far, I couldn’t see him anymore because of the tears.

“ZELO?!” I felt my face being slapped and I opened my eyes suddenly. I was lying on the sofa in the basement. Since when had I fallen asleep ? Again, my face was being patted. A nightmare. It had just been a nightmare but the tears were real.

“What’s wrong?

\- I don’t know…” People were speaking around me, and whoever was sitting by my side, I hung myself on him and cried on his shoulder.

“Shh, it’s okay, it was just a nightmare” Jongup-hyung said, and the other person sat behind me to rub my back until I calmed down. Pulling away, Jongup-hyung offered me a shy smile and checking behind me, Youngjae-hyung offered me the same disquiet smile.

“I dreamed you didn’t remembered me and… had replaced me by Dongyeon…” I confessed. They looked at each other before snickering at me, Youngjae-hyung hit me at the back of my head.

“Don’t do stupid nightmares like that.

\- If you want my opinion, I would have gladly not done it.

\- Why were you sleeping in here in the first place?

\- I… was tired.” I said rubbing the back of my neck and they exchanged a weird look before a smug smile was plastered over their face.

“Guess, we’ll have to blame Yongguk-hyung for that.” Understanding what they meant, I blushed.

“N-no, it’s not like that!

\- Sure…” Youngjae-hyung cackled, not believing me.

“We’ve done nothing… well, not nothing but… we didn’t do /that/.” The more I confessed, the quieter my voice became, and both of them had to lean toward me to hear what I was saying.

“Really? Weird…” Jongup-hyung commented and I got uneasy at this. Was it that weird? Yongguk-hyung hadn’t wanted to do anything with me. Beside touching me, he hadn’t try more than this, and it was what was weird. Why hadn’t he?

“And the common point with Dongyeon?” Jongup-hyung asked, and looking back at both of them I noticed only now that they might not know about Yongnam-hyung and Dongyeon situation.

“Well… after you left Dongyeon’s place the other day… I left too and Yongnam-hyung stayed behind with Dongyeon.” They both noded, apparently they got the thing, and I felt glad I hadn’t to develop.

“Don’t compare yourself to Dongyeon, Zelo-yah.” Youngjae-hyung sighed leaning backward in the sofa, “you know we’re only nice to him because you asked us to.

\- I know.

\- so what ? Do you want us not to be nice anymore ? It’s been only two days.” Jongup-hyung chuckled and the fact they were saying out loud everything I’ve been telling myself, made it the more obvious.

“Of course I want you to be nice to him… I’m just being stupid, forget it.

\- We will only if we don’t find yourself crying by yourself in your sleep…” Youngjae-hyung said in a more serious tone. Looking at him, I nodded smiling.

“Don’t worry Hyung… I’ll be okay.” I patted his knee and stood up.

“Where are you going? Classes are over now.” Youngjae-hyung whined, I didn’t even know why.

“I know, but I have to go see Wonshik and Minrin, they might be worried.” They both shrugged at this, clearly not caring about what my friends could be feeling and I laughed at this stepping toward the door. Was it like this I wanted them to be toward Dongyeon?

At the moment I left the basement, Himchan-hyung entered it so we crossed each other’s path, I had to repeat to him where I was going and after him came Yongguk-hyung. He was the only one to not say a word to me, instead he caressed my hand walking by me and stepped into the basement while I walked in the other way to the corridor.

Right before stepping out I looked back and Yongguk-hyung was staring at me. I blinked at him and he frowned. Why was he ? He pointed to his eyes and then to me, so I guess I still had my eyes a bit red. I wiped it, I didn’t want him to worry for nothing and he leaned against the door’s frame, crossing his arms as waiting for me to give him an explanation. I hesitated for a few seconds. We had promise each other to not hide anything anymore, but it was so stupid and trivial it wasn’t even something we should be speaking over. But in the end, I still wanted to tell him that I wanted him to belong to me only, but before I could say anything Dongyeon showed up, screaming and laughing. “HYUNG!” He slapped my arm before running toward Yongguk-hyung whom he was about to do the same thing. At the difference that Yongguk-hyung raised his fit playfully, daring him to hit him, which Dongyeon didn’t try to.

In my usual state I would be laughing at this scenery, the same my other hyungs were from the inside of the basement. But I couldn’t bring myself to even smile. Not with all the bad thoughts roaming around in my head. Once Dongyeon was in the basement, Yongguk-hyung shook his head amused, but stopped smiling as soon as our eyes met. “Zelo.” Once again he frowned, and I didn’t want him to say the same thing as in my dream. So I quickly turned round and went to my locker where Dongyeon was.

“Where were you? Oh.., what happened?” He asked resting a hand worringly over my shoulder as he bend forward to look at my face which I was trying to hide.

“Nothing much. Just some bad dreams…

\- You should go home and rest. You need it Junhong-ah.” He said looking at me, but right after he looked at somehing behind me he removed his hand from my shoulder right away. I didn’t even need to turn back to know who it was. “See you tomorrow.” Wonshik said and left.

“Junhong.” Yongguk-hyung’s voice said behind me, but if I hadn’t wanted Wonshik to look at my face, I wanted me hyung even less to.

“Yeah?” I replied opening my locker but before I could get my hand in to get back my stuff it was being closed right in front me. Holding back my breath, I was staring at my Hyung’s hand on my locker, unable to do anything else.

“Look at me.” He ordered and I slowly moved my eyes to meet his. Finally he sighed before moving his hand to my face, wiping it. “What’s wrong? What happened?” I was about to reply him, but by the way my bottom lip was shaking when I opened my mouth to talk, I knew I wouldn’t be able to say that much. So instead I plunged my head into his chest and hugged him tight. “Zelo… don’t cry… I’m here and not going anywhere” he whispered hugging me back, his warm hands rubbing my back.

It was only after a few minutes of breathing his scent in that I could calm down. Once I realized he was really there, for me and not with anyone else. He had chosen to go after me. Letting out a deep breath, I finally said “I’m sorry Hyung.

\- Good, you still can talk.” He chuckled and pulled us slightly apart to look at my face, which he wiped once again. “Will you tell me why were you crying for? Who do I need to beat up?” He asked, raising playfully an eyebrow. I wanted to laugh, but instead I admired his face as if it was the first time I was seeing it. The perfectness of his skin, the few scars here and there adding fuel to the fire of his charm. And rather than making fun of me, I found him looking at my face the same I was doing.

“I want to be up to your expectation Hyung.

\- You are.

\- I want you to be mine only.

\- I am.” He replied so simply to each of my request, but I felt relieved only with that much few words. Feeling like a big weight had been taken off my shoulders, I hugged him again, resting my head against his chest so I could listen to his heartbeat. “Was it that all?” he asked surprised and I nodded. “Aigo, you stupid little thing.” He chuckled and I felt his lips being pressed against my head. “Is it because Yeon is with my brother?” He asked, taking me aback, I didn’t thought he would want to deepen the conversation, what could I reply to that? I only nodded. I was expecting to face a laughing hyung, but instead he stayed serious. “Would you fall in love with Yongnam?” he asked, still seriously and I could feel his tone was losing his usual insurance, so this time it was me who pulled away to look at his face.

“No! Why would-

\- Then don’t presume I would fall for anyone else either.” Once again he frowned at me, but this time it made me smile. I poked his frown and leaned forward to peck his lips.

“That’s why I said I was sorry.”


	57. Beach please

**ZELO POINT OF VIEW**

Yongguk-hyung looked around, and waited for this one student to move around the corner and for the corridor to be empty before he suddenly moved nearer to me, tackling me against my locker. His lips were on my own and I looked at him surprised, as he deepened the kiss I let him do as he pleased, welcoming him. My hands were grabbing the end of his shirt, but I had to move them up when he got even closer, I wrapped my arms around his neck. I closed my eyes, his leg came in between mine when his tongue stopped moving in my mouth.

“Hyung…” I breathed out when he pulled back. Opening my eyes when he was checking something above our head, he was already dragging me away after he locked my locker when I looked up and noticed the hidden camera, which strangely seemed to be following us.

“Is it the others or… ?” his hand tightened around mine, answering my unfinished question before I could ask about the director. “Do you think he'll come after me?” I asked worried his father might not allow our relationship. After all it always happen this way in dramas! Even though his father already saw Yongguk-hyung kissing me, he could have set this under the fact his son might still be under the influence of drug. This time he clearly wasn't. And there must be a reason as why Yongguk-hyung didn't want him to witness us.

Yongguk-hyung only stopped once we were outside, he pushed me against the wall, right next the exit door toward the football playground, until my back was pressed against the cold surface. I looked at him worriedly but instead of giving me the serious look, he pinched my cheeks and pulled on it. “Why would my old man come after you?” he chuckled.

“Because he doesn't approve our relationship ?” I could finally say after getting rid of his hands, I massaged my hurt cheeks.

“Why wouldn't he?

\- Because it's like this it works!” I defended and he raised an amused eyebrow at me. “Because I'm not rich like you are, and moreover I'm a boy, and I'll ruin your future because you're supposed to marry a rich girl so your family could become richer even!

\- I swear you're watching too much dramas… this is real life boy!” he flicked my forehead and I winced at this, after my cheeks, this. My face will end completely swollen and there wouldn't be difference than if I was being beaten if I didn't stop him right now. I grabbed him by his wrists which I platted against his sides.

“ Does this mean your father approve me ? “ I asked surprised this would be this easy. Yongguk-hyung nodded and enjoyed I was completely stunned by this news to move up his hands, in no time I found myself with my hands pinned against the wall above my head.

“Truth is he doesn't really mind. Even if he's not the best father out there, he's trying his best to keep my brother and me happy. Of course he does it in his own way.” he shrugged and released me.

“ Like giving you everything you want and ceeding to your every whim?

\- Exactly.” He grinned, probably not even feeling ashamed of using his father this way. He leaned toward me and kissed my forehead while cupping my face, then  made me look up at him.

“ Is there anything else you need to be reassured about ? “ he asked and once again I was taken aback. I couldn't tell him /that/ could I ?

I nodded shyly and tried to avoid his eyes, looking to the side, I stared at an insect climbing up the wall. “What is it?” I heard him asking and felt myself warming up.

“ Do you…” I peeked at his crotch before looking back the insect which I lost sight of. It must have flown away… “want me?”

There was a short silence, making me feel dumb for asking such a question, but also making me doubt even more. What if he didn't want me?

“What is this question?” I knew it… “of course I want you!” I blinked up to his face, but by the look of it, I knew he hadn't got the question right.

“I don't mean it like that but… well, I'm wondering because the other day you weren't even hard…”I blushed and this time it was his turn to blink at me before grinning creepily.

“Oh… I didn't think you would be worrying over something this little” he said getting nearer, probably because he hadn't reply yet why, I pressed myself backward as a reflex. “Like all the stuffs you've been worrying over since a few days.” he was now near enough for his lips to be touching my ear, he kissed it and whispered “I was too nervous to be.” He confessed and I looked up at him in disbelief.

“ You were? … why ?

\- You don't remember what we talked about just before ?

\- Ah... “ I nodded in understanding and looked down, Yongguk-hyung huddled against me, and now that our crutches were pressed against each other I could feel his ... protuberance. I swallowed my saliva, my throat became dry in an instant.

“You doubted I wanted to do it with you?” he asked but I found myself unable to reply, so I ended nodding, looking at the collar of his shirt. “Even after I touched you?” I blushed and nodded only once, my lips being tight close, and wondering if he intended to stay pressed against me for long. “But now you won't doubt it again right?”

I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. I shook my head, holding back my breath as he leaned closer again. I closed my eyes as his lips kissed my temples then a whispered followed. “Did you lost your tongue again? Do I have to go look for it?” he chuckled holding up my chin, he kissed me and I could feel he was having fun digging his tongue into my mouth as looking for my tongue. I frowned almost choking as it wasn't the most pleasant thing I did with Yongguk-hyung. His hand came under my shirt and he dig this one into my pants. The sound of a window opening made me snap out of it, and froze completely. I tried to push my Hyung away so we wouldn't be looking weird if anyone came to see us. But Hyung might not have heard as he kept wanting to kiss me.

I turned my head to the side, wriggling out of his grasp and gasping for air while I grabbed his arm with both hands, “stop!” I was panting, and he said no word. I looked at him in panic, and he was looking at me with a puzzled look. “What…” I babbled and looked up above our heads but all windows were closed, had I dream it?

“What what?” he asked looking up and I glared at him.

“Not at school Hyung! What if someone walk on us?

\- I would tell them to fuck off?

\- Not that!” I released him sighing and he smiled as though nothing was wrong, “I mean..

\- I know what you mean. Don't worry.” he ruffled my hair, “here's the only place no camera can catch a sight of. And windows above our heads are all condemned beside the ones for toilets which are too small to pass your head through. Also, we would hear anyone coming from there.” he pointed to the staircase we had taken to come outside and I looked at him amazed.

“You…

\- No, you. Who did you took me for?” he pinched my nose and here I was done.

“Hyung my face will be swollen!”

 

The tension was palpable between the moment we left our spot and when we got back home. Since I told him I was scared he didn't want me, he had made sure to make me well understand the contrary, and I didn't even know how to react to this. In the elevator back to his apartment, his hand was on my ass caressing it as though it naturally belonged there. I couldn't look at him directly, thankfully the elevator’s door was bright and clean enough to allow me to check his face and reaction. But as he got the same idea, our eyes indirectly got in contact. I tensed and he probably noticed it escaping a chuckle. “What are you so nervous about?

\- I don't know it feels weird..

\- Hmm, it's because it's new to you, you just need to get used to it.” He nodded and I nodded along, drinking his words and accepting it as the absolute truth. Yet, something felt off and I couldn't find what it was until we stepped into the living room. He grabbed me by my arm and spinned me around before locking me into his hold. Yongguk-hyung pressed again our crotches together as he started to kiss me on my neck. Having him rubbing against me this way felt weird.

(NO.)

I pressed both hands on Yongguk-hyung’s chest and tried to push him away as I was getting more and more uneasy.

(DON'T.)

“Hyung..

\- Hmm?” instead of answering me, he simply hummed taking a step forward so I did one backward as he reconnected his lips with my skin to kiss my cheek.

(STOP.)

“ … please…” I heard my own voice being shaky, and soon Yongguk-hyung wasn't forcing himself on me anymore.

“Junhong?” his heavy hands fall on my shoulders, I noticed then that not only my legs were wobbling, but my eyes felt itchy and all I could see was blurry. Yongguk-hyung’s face in front me soon disappeared and I moved up my arms in front my face to protect myself from the attack coming from forward.

(HE FUCKING RAPED ME.)

I covered my ears to not hear her voice echoing anymore, I didn't want to hear what would come after but it was no use.

(AND HE WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU.)

Shaking my head, the voice didn't want to stop screaming and bursting. I felt lonely, and powerless. What could I do? I grown up in a world where parents’ words are absolute truth, where you learn about life from them. What could I do against this, if it was the truth? If it was my fate as well? I saw myself back in that dark place, alone with nobody to care. But then, the tears falling down my face were wiped by warm hands and I was back at Yongguk-hyung’s place.

He blinked looking at me with the same face he always used to do whenever I had ended up crying in front him. Never. I didn't want to go back to my old self. Turning my head to the side, I avoided his hand and wiped my face by myself. “Junhong…” he sighed.

“I'm sorry Hyung..” I don't remember I ever felt that shameful. I wanted to dig a hole and hide in it until it would be time for me to leave this world.

“I'm sorry too… I thought you were ready ..” he patted my head and I shaken once again.

(HE HAD ALWAYS BEEN EVIL.)

“Will you tell me what happened in that little head of yours?” by the tone of his voice, I heard he was forcing on a smile to soothe the atmosphere.

(HIM AND HIS EVIL TWIN.)

“I hear her voice…” I said and the patting on my head stopped. “All the things she told me.” my heart was beating like crazy. Was it okay for me to say all of this? Would it be okay for us?

“I see…” he said out in a whisper and it felt like he was as much at loss as me. “Go take a warm shower, hm? You'll feel better after.” from the corner of my eyes I could see his hand come near my face, but as I closed my eyes, I was waiting for the contact which never came. I heard his steps getting away and the warmth leaving as well. I shivered at the sudden coldness surrounding me and hurried to the bathroom.

How long was my shower? I had no idea but when I came out, my fingers were crumpled and all lights were off at the exception of his bedroom. Should I go join him or sleep on the sofa? With slow steps I made my way there, Yongguk-hyung was already sleeping, his face lying on a book he had probably been reading. I changed into my pajama, being as silent one can be putting on clothes. Walking to the bed, I stared at his sleeping face a moment before I could get in. Convincing myself he wasn't the monster my mother had tried to depict me. If I couldn't be happy with my parents I wanted to be with Yongguk-hyung, and she wouldn't be the one to shatter that dream. Yongguk-hyung had never been that despicable and terrifying person they were all scared of, he had never tried to hit me or threaten my life.

When I moved my hand to rest it on top of his, hyung blinked his eyes opened and stretched himself slightly. When he was awoken enough he smiled to me and intertwined our fingers together. “Feeling better?” I nodded slowly. “Good. Will you be scared again if I touch you?

\- We're touching each other right now.” I replied moving up our linked hands to show it to him and he chuckled.

“What an innocent boy for one who was worried I didn't want to get physical with him.” he smirked and only then I got what he had indeed really meant by /touching/.

“I.. I don't know…” I poured, my cheeks heating up.

“Then just tell me to stop when you can't anymore, before… you can ‘hear’ her voice again?” he sounded hesitant, probably not wanting to speak about what just happened. To bring back the memories. So I nodded at his proposition. He moved his hand from mine to my face and he caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes, but not because of fear or that I was reluctant this time. I did because I enjoyed the warmth of his touches. That's it. Yongguk-hyung had always been so kind to me.

“Hyung?” I asked opening my eyes just to see him getting nearer and I felt his leg wrapping around mine while his hand moved down from my cheek to my shoulder.

“Yes?” he smiled as softly he could, whispering as his hand came on my side then on my lower back as he pulled me nearer. My own hand came on its own to Yongguk-hyung’s cheek.

“I was wondering about something.” if that was possible he would be coming nearer, so he got on his knees and forearms so he would be lying over me, I could feel his weight upon me but he didn't seem as heavy as heavy as I thought so I guess he was leaning onto his forearms, the mattress giving in under the weight and pressure.

“As long as you're not asking me why I fall in love with you, or what I like about you, I'm fine with it.” He chuckled and I puffed out my cheeks. How did he know it was what I wanted to ask? The more he blinked the hotter I was getting, I looked aside and he laughed, plunging his face into my neck.

“That's not funny!” I whined and tried to push him off but he still was too heavy for me to do so, and there I realized I was trapped. While he was still laughing, it hit me. I was at his mercy and he could do all he wanted to me. Whatever that it was, whenever, it had always been this way. Me fighting, or struggling, everything had always depended of his will. Just because he was acting sweet with me, he had manage to give me the illusion I had my word to say. Me, my hyungs, other students at school, teachers and even his father… we were just like puppets to Yongguk-hyung to play with. Yongguk-hyung and Yongnam-hyung. (Him and his evil twin.)

“Hyung!” I pressed both hands to his chest, trying to keep him away. My breathing got faster and I felt helpless. Like being stuck with a fate I couldn't escape from.

“Shh, it's okay. I won't go further.” I looked up at his face above me and he didn't look upset, on the contrary his face was peaceful. But how long would he be? How long until he couldn't hold back anymore?

“That's it Hyung…

\- What is?

\- It all depends on you. It's not really my choice to decide.

\- Well, I would like to get down to business with you already. And it's certainly not my choice to hold back right now. So how come did you came to the conclusion it wasn't your choice?

\- Because you're stronger, and hold more power than anyone, not only with me. You can do whatever you want…

\- … so you're asking why I'm holding back?” he started to sound annoyed as he bucked his hips, rubbing his crotch against mine and I looked at him scared. Had I already pushed him over his limits? I'm so stupid, I knew he was never the patient type. “That's for it. For that look on your face right now.” he moved his face nearer and I stopped breathing waiting for his next move and words. “No matter how strong, how rich one can be. There's something you can't control. And here I thought you already knew this…” he sighed grabbing my hand which he placed on his chest.

Through my fingers and his skin I could feel his heart beating. It felt nice and I slowly calmed down nodding as I got what it meant. He sighed at this and move us around so we were both lying on our side, my back pressed against him as he wrapped his arms around me, I could feel his forehead pressing against the back of my head. “It will hurt enough without this, I want our first time to be a good memory for both of us.” I heard him talking behind me and I nodded agreeing… but what?

“What will hurt?” I asked but I got no answers. I guess he was already sleeping. I kept thinking about our conversation all night long. Trying to understand it from my hyung’s point of view. I had only thought about it from my own, if Hyung wanted something he could get it, whatever it was, and I wouldn't be that much weight against his will. But on the other hand I wouldn't feel at ease anymore, and it looks like this mattered a lot to him. I relaxed in his hold and tried to grasp a sight of his face.

I spent most of the time thinking about what I really wanted. Of course I loved him. But what weighed on the other side of the balance was a pretty big incident. I thought I had forgiven him, but apparently I hadn't completely without being aware of it. Right after I was back at school it had gone pretty fast between us. After all, we had been separated from each other for over a complete year. Now I had him by my side, was I taking him for granted ?

With all the thoughts going through my mind this night I couldn't sleep a wink all night. Before I realised it the morning had already come. With my hyung wrapped around me sleeping tight, I didn't dare to make a move not wanting to wake him up. Yet, he had to some time as someone was ringing the bell. “So annoying....” were the first words Yongguk-hyung mumbled opening his eyes. He moved and sat on the edge of the bed. I moved to sit behind him and hold myself on his back, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“I wonder who it is?” I asked after the second bell rang.

“I know who it is, and my answer will be the same as always..” He mumbled moving his hands to my ass, I chuckled as he carried me around his place till his main entrance.

“Hmm, is it a door-to-door sales rep?

\- Almost,” he chuckled letting me down and opened the door then Jongup-hyung entered his place.

“Ah you're both awake, great! Junhong put on some clothes and follow me out.” Jongup-hyung said pushing me in my back toward the bedroom but Yongguk-hyung stopped him by head locking him.

“Nope, I said I wasn't going so-

\- Yeah, I got the thing. But it's Junhong I came to pick up.

\- Junhong's staying with me.

\- If so then you have to come ‘cause I'm pretty sure Junhong wants to go.

\- to go where ?” I asked because after all they were speaking about me without consulting what the main character in this story thought about it.

“To the beach!” Jongup-hyung didn't need more words to convince me.

“You don't like the beach Hyung?” I asked closing my suitcase. I sat on the bed looking at Yongguk-hyung who had done nothing much beside following me around sighing and complaining.

“That's not it. I wanted to spend the holiday alone with you.” Once again he sighed and I chuckled standing up to go join him, I stopped right in front him.

“But going to the beach won't prevent us to be together, Hyung.

\- Others will stick around.

\- Then we can just sneak away like we always do.

\- You really want to go, don't you?” He asked raising an eyebrow at me, I could feel it, he was on the edge of giving up and I just had to do one little thing to get what I wanted. I nodded up at him smiling brightly. Closing his eyes, he smiled back to me patting the top of my head.

And there we were, as I got into the camping-car I wondered if I wasn't that different from my Hyung, getting what I wanted or didn't want. Or was it something I got from him, like an illness ? I let myself fall on the couch, and closed my eyes for a short while.

“Junhong you…” Yongguk-hyung started but stopped, I didn't even have the strength to open one eye to look at him. At least, I hummed in reply showing him I was still half conscious. The night before had tired me out more than I had expected. “Sleep on the bed” I heard him sighing above me, yet all I could do for now was to turn around. Ready to take a quick nap on the seats while waiting for the others. But the same he liked things to be done as he wanted, I felt hands slipping between me and the seats, and soon I was in Yongguk-hyung’s arms. He laid me down and the place I was lying in seemed to get darker. I wasn't tired to the point of falling asleep right away, I could still hear what they were talking about.

“Where's Junhong? Is he not coming ?” Yongnam-hyung’s voice asked after a door opened.

“He's sleeping in the room for now.” Yongguk-hyung replied and it seemed they were only the both of them for now.

“Oh, I see. I told you not to go too hard on him for his first night!

\- Tch. As if, I'm not like you.

\- That you think…

\- How is it going with your boy?” The two brothers were talking nonchalantly about Yeon and me, and I felt like I shouldn't be eavesdropping but as I said, I couldn't fall asleep right away. Moreover, I was curious now about what both thought about Yeon and me…

“That annoying brat?” Yongnam-hyung sighed, “he's stupid, sticking around no matter what I tell him.” Then I heard Yongguk-hyung chuckling. “What did you told him?

\- Me? Not that much… something like he shouldn't give up?” he laughed even more and by the sounds coming from the other room, got most probably hit by his twin.

“Why did you do such a thing?

\- Because it's funny.

\- The kid will get hurt.

\- Just don't hurt him?

\- … the same you didn't hurt Junhong ?” The conversation was getting serious… “Well, don't make such a face. We both did it.

\- We couldn't go further than few kisses yesterday because he was hearing her voice that he said… I think he didn't even close an eye the whole night.

\- Gukkie… give him time.

\- I wonder. Can time heal this kind of trauma ?

\- Junhong's too much head over heel for you, it definitely can.

\- Thanks.

\- Hmm.” I felt so out of place, to have Hyung being that concerned for me. He always acted like nothing was too much of a matter and he could overcome everything. But hearing him confessing this way to his brother, and remembering when he confessed he had been nervous telling me about his past, I realized he too also got moment of doubts. That might sound stupid, but Hyung had always seemed to be fearless and invincible just because he put on an act.

“HYUUUUUUUUUNG!!!” A storm barged in putting an end to the brothers’ confessional moment.

“Shut up you stupid brat! You'll wake up Junhong!” Yongnam-hyung threatened Yeon and I frowned. That wasn't really how I imagined their relationship to be. Wasn't he supposed to be a little nicer to Dongyeon ?

“Oh where is he?” Dongyeon asked as though he didn't mind the way Yongnam-hyung just spoke to him.

“Sleeping in the backroom-” Yongguk-hyung stopped mid sentence as I heard steps coming my way.

“I'll go rest with Jun-” but this time it was Dongeon’s turn to be stopped midsentence, sounding as if he was being strangled.

“What I told you about being near Junhong already?” Yongguk-hyung threatened him and I could even hear his brother trying to calm him down.

“Gukkie be nice with Yeon.

\- To not stick around him

\- So you're doing it on purpose.

\- If you could avoid killing him right now, the car is rented under my name.

\- Don't you both hold the same family name?

\- Don't change the subject. I don't like you standing near Junhong.

\- But you don't mind him standing near your loving twin?

\- I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking about it anymore… I really love Yongnam-hyung and I don't think about Junhong in this way…

\- Tch.”

Everything sounded like a mess, but as I got the thing it was setting down. I started relaxing and next thing I knew the car was silent. Wiping my eyes I sat on the edge of the bed I had been sleeping on. I wondered if everyone had arrived and if we would be setting off soon. But when I got out in the main room of the car it was empty and the scenery I could see through the window was completely different from the city we were in.

I stared at the immense stretch of water in awe as I sat down, gluing my face to the door so I could have a better look at this wonderful sight. “You know you'll see better if you come out the car.” Youngjae-hyung chuckled and I turned my face to look at him.

“Hyung…

\- Come.” He smiled at me, getting in the camping-car he grabbed his camera and came stand in front me to pat my head.

“Did I slept the whole ride?” I asked and he nodded as thought it was nothing, but I couldn't forgive myself. I clenched both my teeth and fists.

“Why are you like this ?” Youngjae-hyung asked sitting next me, frowning as he rest a hand on my own.

“I wanted to enjoy the ride with all of you.

\- Don't be too severe with yourself.

\- How long did I even slept ?

\- Hmm, you were already sleeping before we left so I would say around 8 hours ?

\- 8 hours ??

\- I heard from Yongguk-hyung you hadn't slept last night.” He flicked my forehead and stood up. I wiped it wincing slightly.

“Hyuuung…

\- Don't Hyuuuung me. That's the usual time of sleep you need every night. Now come out.” He winked at me before getting out the car. I followed after him and a festival of scents welcomed me outside. The salted water felt fresh and the sweet scent of grilled meat added some spices to the whole.

“Oh Zelo!! You finally woke up from your slumber!” Daehyun-hyung jumped on me wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

“Yeah I…” Not really knowing how to explain I slept that long, I ended by simply rubbing my nape and bowing slightly in apology. Daehyun-hyung patted my head and let go of me to go check how was the meat. I walked over to the water, the waves kept coming back and forth. I could finally do what I had always dreamt to. I removed my shoes and let them far enough from the water so they wouldn't be taken away. Taking a deep breath I took two steps forward and stood there, waiting for the waves of water to hit against my feet. It felt so nice, ticklish a bit. I looked at the sand crumbling under my feet as the water moved away.

“What are you staring at ? Does your feet hurt?” Yeon asked beside me, and I looked at him crouching next me to poke my feet. I chuckled at this and he blinked up at me.

“Not at all.” I crouched next him and played a bit with the wet sand. It was the first time I felt it this way, the only sand I ever played with before was the one in the kids park. “I'm just enjoying the sand and ocean.

\- What enjoying ? it's boring…” He mumbled and I looked at him surprised. He was sulking hugging his knees.

“You… don't like beach ?” I had never thought one could dislike this, it felt so nice, if freedom could be a place it would this beach for me. Far from every worry I ever had in my life. It was so far from everything I ever known.

“Not that I like or dislike it… it's just boring. Going to the beach every year. And this one is not even at the Florida’s ones level.” He pouted grabbing some sand which he threw into the water. Now that I thought about it. It was true that Dongyeon was part of the rich kids, he might have come here every summer, or as he said to more beautiful beaches. “They said it was because you wanted to go to the beach that we came here…” He frowned glaring at me, taking me aback. Dongyeon had never acted this way toward me but was he… angry at me?

“Huh? Well… I…” I blushed slightly avoiding his glare and looked at the ocean. I must calm down, he couldn't be angry at me for this right ? “Jongup-hyung asked if I wanted to go to the beach and I said okay, why not…

\- Hmmm… so it was really you.

\- Not really. I thought the destination was already settled and that I would come or not wouldn't change anything…

\- Whatever you say. In the end, we always end by doing what you want and you don't even ask others what /they/ want.” I looked at him standing beyond shocked. He dusted his clothes a bit and walked back toward the camp where our Hyungs had settled the tents and were cooking the meat.

What was it? Why was he accusing me as though I was a selfish brat everyone had to listen? When my eyes met with Jongup-hyung's ones I quickly looked back toward the ocean. Was it how they saw me? Thinking a bit more about it I could perfectly understand what was despicable in my attitude and I felt bad for bringing everyone in my caprice. The same the director did everything for his sons, Yongguk-hyung was doing the same with me. After all he only learned how to care about someone else this way. And me, to Yongguk-hyung, I only ever accepted whatever he was offering me without thinking if it would be annoying or disturbing anyone around us. Even to Yongguk-hyung himself, when he wanted to do it with me, I even refused this to him. Only now I realised this.

I plunged my head in knees, holding back to break down right now. The waves caressing my bare skin didn't felt as good as a few seconds before now. I felt someone walking to me and stopping next me, looking up my eyes met again with Jongup-hyung's eyes. “What's wrong ?

\- Nothing.” I replied looking back to the water and Jongup-hyung grabbed my wrist making me stand up.

“Good then, come it's ready.” He cheered pulling me along and hand me a skewer which he stolen from Daehyun-hyung.

“Ah that's right. It's the first time you come to the beach Junhong?” Yongnam-hyung asked as he came also take his part of the meat before it would disappear in the dragon’s stomach. I nodded and he smirked to me, “I'm glad I could be part of your first time then.” He chuckled as Yongguk-hyung came after him and on the other hand, Dongyeon came to me frowning. I think now I got the thing why he was so upset after me…

“You never went to any beach before ?” I didn't know if he was offended or shocked by this news. I shook my head biting in the meat on my skewer, confirming his doubts. “Oh… then where did you go with your family for summer break ? Mountains? Foreign country?” he sounded curious and I remembered he probably didn't know about my family not being a rich one like his. Checking quickly on my other hyungs, none of them probably knew about my parents beside Yongguk-hyung and Yongnam-hyung. Even though Yongguk-hyung had swear he didn't mind that I was wealthy or not, would it be the same for my other hyungs ? Because I had mostly lied about my family's condition to all of them.

“I…” I felt nervous as they were all listening to our conversation, “I never left on holidays with my family… My father never got any free time to allow us to.” I confessed and they all looked disappointed as if they knew about my parents not being the wealthy ones I bragged about during my first year. Only Yeon seemed to not understand what it implied.

“That's awesome Hyung! Your father sounds like he's really invested in his firm.” As he said those words I wondered. Had it really been my father's will to never take holidays or was he scared he would lose his job when coming back? I never knew and I probably would never know. I felt a pinch on my heart remembering I probably was the reason my parents had never been able to go on holidays, so we could live well, and after that to allow me to attend MAMA. “So where did you go with your friends?” I blinked at his question and before I could reply him I hadn't any friend to leave on holidays with before I entered MAMA, I got trapped between strong arms and meat forced into my mouth.

“Who cares about that?” Yongguk-hyung said from behind me and munching the food in my mouth I looked up at him. Did he knew? That he did or not, he was a life saver right now.

“I'm curious that's all.” Dongyeon sulked and Yongnam-hyung head locked him.

“No, you're just being annoying.” He grinned and dragged him far. I was about to follow them, to make sure he wouldn't beat him or hurt him but Yongguk-hyung prevented me to, whispering in my ear.

“Don't get involved in their business.” This being said he dragged me on the other side toward the barbecue and we kept eating with my hyungs, admiring the sunset.

“Hyung.” I called for my hyung as we were now sitting a bit afar from the group, next to each other on the still warm sun which had gathered all the warmth throughout the hot day. He hummed notifying me he was listening. “It's really beautiful.

\- It is.” He said and turning my head to him, I noticed he wasn’t looking at the breathtaking scenery in front us, but staring at me. I blushed as he leaned forward, he pressed his lips softly against mine and I let myself fall into his trap. He leaned me on the sand and I felt his hand coming under my shirt. His kiss was still soft and I moved my hands to his hair, digging it through it as his hand slipped into my pants. Before I could think about anything else or even get scared, someone cleared his voice right next to us.

“I know it's romantic on the sand, but really for a first time it's not the best.” Looking up for a few seconds I saw Daehyun-hyung was standing right next our head, grinning down to us while Youngjae-hyung was trying to bring him away. I couldn't even meet eyes with Yongguk-hyung before I ran away, how could we have forgot others were still here ? I heard Yongguk-hyung calling out my name, but I felt too shameful to even look back. It was too perfect for it to last this way and now I think I understood why Hyung hadn't wanted to go to the beach with them. Once I was far enough, I stopped running. I had arrived to the public showers. But because we had already one in the camping-car we didn't need to use this ones. So I walked to the sinks and splash a bit of fresh water against my face to cool down a bit. “H-Hyung! I can hear someone...nng” but the voice got shushed, followed by bangs noises, as though someone was being hit against the shower walls. Then moans followed and it took me less than a few seconds to proceed with what might be going on the other side of the wall. I blushed once again and ran back toward our camp position.

Never I thought I would be walking on someone being up to that kind of business again. When I reached our camp, everything had been cleaned up and a few tents had been dressed up around the camping car. Passing by them, I once again heard moans coming from one of them and I wondered what was wrong with all of them? Did they specially came to the beach only for .. this? Did it meant we would be doing it with Yongguk-hyung as well? Looking around, I searched for the tent I would be sleeping in, but then I noticed there was only three tents outside and Yongguk-hyung walking in the camping-car. Swallowing down my saliva, I gathered my courage and walked up to it, my hand was above the handle. “Open wider” I recognized Jongup-hyung's voice, and the choice was quickly made. I hurried into the car and bumped into Yongguk-hyung making us fall on the couch.

“Junhong?” he blinked down to me and I stared at him, shocked. My crotch was being pressed against his leg and a moan had escaped my lips. Before this instant I hadn't notice how inflated it had got.

“Sorry, I-” I was about to stand up and run away once again, I couldn't handle these weird situations over and over again, but before I could even make any move, Yongguk-hyung switched our position and I was now sitting on the couch while he was standing in front me.

“Where do you think you're going again?” he groaned and moved his knee which he pressed against my sensible privates. I refrained a whine and closed my eyes as he looked like he was massaging it.

“Hyung I…

\- Let's take care of it first, you'll tell me all you want after.” His voice was sweet yet firm, and I couldn't contest. I nodded and he removed his knee. When I opened my eyes he was kneeling in front me and started to unzip my pants.

“Hyung…” I couldn't believe what he would be doing as he moved his head nearer to my lower part. “No… don't …” I whined as I felt his hot breath ghosting against my member which had been freed from my underpants.

“Why?” he asked sending again another wave of hot breath against my standing member and I shuddered.

“It's weird…” I whined trying to push his head away but he grabbed my hands looking up to me.

“It's okay. You'll like it.” He smiled and I looked away. It wasn't a question of me liking it or not, but mostly that I couldn't imagine my hyung doing this. But soon I hadn't any thought left in my mind to worry about. He wrapped the tip of my cock in his mouth and he started bobbing his head down on it, taking further of myself into him each time he moved back down. It was hot and moist, quite comfortable giving me the urge to want more of it. Hyung hadn't lied, I already liked it.

I tried to close my mouth to prevent for weird noises to leave from it, but it showed to be impossible mission as his wet tongue was pressed against me, teasing me. Then out of nowhere when he got my whole in his mouth, my hips moved on their own and my Hyung was quick to grab it and to pin me down against the seat. I wanted to say that I was sorry but I couldn't bring myself to form any comprehensive words for now. A quick glance exchanged between us and I got the thing he had probably expected this. I wouldn't last long but I couldn't warn him to remove himself before I would let myself go. Yet he seemed to not notice how close I was, or that he didn't care, as he send me over the edge by bringing one hand to my balls, pressing it together, I wondered if he was trying to get anything out of it. At this stage, I wasn't the ruler of my body anymore since long and I exploded into my Hyung's mouth. I felt disgusted for him, but he didn't sound annoyed at all as he swallowed it.

I stared at him in owe as he moved up to sit next me, wiping his lips. “So do you like it so far?” he asked covering my crotch with his hand, I couldn't bring myself to look at his face as I felt myself heating up. I felt him leaning toward me to whisper in my ear “I mean the beach.”


	58. Summer Time

ZELO POINT OF VIEW

  
"Hyung, do you think I'm a selfish kid who only think about what he wants ?" That was the question which had kept bugging me all night. After our little affair last night, the only thing we did was to cuddle in bed. Even though I confessed I had loved it a lot, Yongguk-hyung didn't want to tempt the devil for once and wanted to stop here. He said it had been perfect and didn't want to mess it all. Now I had been the one who wanted more but I also had to respect his choice, which he made for our sake more than for himself.

"Who told you that?" He asked absentmindedly. While I had my head resting on his chest, he was playing with my hair. It felt nice and relaxing, to laze and cuddle in bed as soon as we woke up. No school nor any duty to do. We were free to get out of bed whenever we wanted. For now all I wanted was to remain in bed with my Hyung, and seeing him as much motivated as me to get up, it looked like my wish was granted for the time being.

"No one, I just got this feeling yesterday when speaking with Yeon.  
\- So it's Dongyeon again..." he sighed and I moved up in a hurry, leaning on my arms to look at him.  
"Its not!  
\- Why are you getting all defensive? Doesn't he annoy you?  
\- He doesn't annoy me." I frowned which only made my Hyung to arch an eyebrow, he didn't seem like he was believing me that much. I never deepened the thought, and sure I started to get uneasy with Dongyeon being around, but never did I thought he was being annoying. As I started to think about it, Yongguk-hyung sat up so his face was right in front mine.  
"So it's not because of him that you came to think you were a selfish kid or that I didn't want to do anything with you?" I was speechless, it's true that it had always been after I talked with Dongyeon that I started to reflect on my actions or over my situation but to the point of thinking up it was Dongyeon's fault that was a bit...  
"How do you know about my conversation with Dongyeon ?" I asked blushing looking away. Was he spying on everything I did?  
"He's more talkative than you are, and even though we might not look like it, we still talk and exchange with my brother a lot." As he said those words I remembered when I eavesdropped their conversation in the camping-car when they thought I had been sleeping. I pouted wondering what Yongguk-hyung might have exchanged over me with his brother. How much did Yongnam-hyung knew about us, about me. Then I wondered if they exchanged details the same Dongyeon had done talking to me. As I was lost in my thoughts I didn't notice Yongguk-hyung’s hand before it was wrapped around my member. He just had to lean slightly forward to peck my lips as he moved his hand lazily up and down, bringing the pleasure slowly but surely.

"Hyung ¡" I gasped, earning a chuckle from him, but not stopping him so far. Not that I wanted him to either. I brought my arms around his neck and I kissed him, my lips touching his softly before I started to caress it and give a bit more pressure, leaning on his shoulders so I could thrust my hips up, I was literally making love to his hand.  
"You're so cute" I heard him making fun of me, as he squeezed me down there forcing again moans out from me.  
"I'm sorry" I plunged my head into his neck, my hands holding onto his shoulder as the movement of my hips became an automatic one. I felt his free hand coming at the back of my head to pat it smoothly.  
"Why are you?  
\- it sucks to be called 'cute' when you're a guy, and moreover when you're up to this kind of business..." I mumbled and he chuckled grabbing my hair he forced me to pull back my face so he could take a look at it.  
"It doesn't sucks. As long as it's from me and that you're being this cute for me only to witness." He whispered and I felt some pressure at the back of my head, he wasn't forcing me to but even without this kind invitation I would have kiss him just the same.  
"I wouldn't want anyone else than you to see me like this..." I whispered after our lips parted away and he rubbed his thumb over the slit of my cock almost bringing me over the edge. I gasped two times, trying to take some air into my body as I'd like to warn him before this time.  
"Aw, sorry then. Don't mind me I just need this." Suddenly everything stopped to proceed in my mind. My moves stopped, my breath stopped and even my brain stopped to work as Yongnam grabbed a matchbox in the kitchen and exited as though nothing happened. I couldn't stop blinking at the closed doors, praying deep down inside of me that what just happened didn't really happened. Yongguk-hyung sighed next my ear and released me as he got out of the bed. "Go take your shower Junhong" he said before leaving through the same door his twin did seconds before. So it's with heavy steps and an erection that I made my way to the shower. I first cleaned myself, hoping to be joined by my Hyung so he could finish what he started but seemed like he didn't have the intention to, also he said nothing about coming later, I did it myself. As I thought it was nothing exciting, nor as arousing as when Yongguk-hyung was doing it.

Minutes later I came out the van, the sweet smell of cooked meat welcoming me the same way it did yesterday. "Are we going to eat only meat through our whole holiday ?" I laughed coming nearer to Daehyun-hyung.  
"See ? I told you that-  
\- See what? It was just a question, right Zelo?" Daehyun-hyung grinned at me after he cut Youngjae-hyung mid-sentence, and who was glaring at both of us right now. I wasn't really up to get into their fight in the morning, so I tried to avoid their gaze looking for help around us but found us to be alone.  
"Where are-  
\- You see? He doesn't agree with you!  
\- He didn't say he didn't agree either, right Zelo? It's okay to eat meat everyday, don't you think ?"  
Both of them were now looking at me, making me feel like Earth's destiny would depend of this very answer. I wasn't ready yet to face such a fate. "Where are the others?" I asked looking around, not that I was that worried what they had become but still made me curious what they could be up to...  
"I don't know, Yongguk-hyung grabbed Yongnam and dragged him away. Dongyeon followed after them, and Himchan and Jongup are still..." Youngjae-hyung explained pointing his thumb toward different direction through his explanation and stopped pointing at Himchan-hyung and Jongup-hyung tent pausing a few seconds. "...sleeping" he frowned and went back to argue with Daehyun-hyung while I looked at the tent. Suddenly remembering what I heard in the night, I felt hot even though I still had my hair wet and wasn't wearing any shirt. I fanned myself trying to think about something else looking into the direction Youngjae-hyung said Yongguk-hyung left trying to catch any sight of them, but we were just the three of us. I grabbed a plastic seat and remained far enough from my hyungs to not get caught back into their argument. After the question of the meat, they argued other the fact we did have to wait one hour before being able to go into the water, Youngjae-hyung was explaining the reaction it did over our organism to be immersed when we could hear Himchan-hyung complaining from inside his tent, soon after he was out sitting next to me, “why are you so noisy early in the morning?” he ruffled his hair probably trying to get rid of the tiredness.  
“It's almost one pm Hyung.” Youngjae-hyung sighed and that's only then I realised too how late it was.  
“I'm going to look for them.” I said standing up and ready to go when Himchan-hyung grabbed me by my wrist.  
“Look for who?  
-Yongguk-hyung, Yongnam-hyung and Yeon.” I replied and made a step forward but Himchan-hyung pulled me backward to him.  
“Why?  
-What do you mean why? It's been hours since they left!  
-They should be back soon then.” I blinked at my Hyung not understanding why he was holding me back. He tried to put on a fake smile which made me even more restless than I had been.  
“What aren't you telling me Hyung?” I tried to not let me my voice being too shaky and before Himchan-hyung could reply, I felt a heavy hand fall on my shoulder.  
“Do not make such a face Hyung. You'll make our baby Zelo worried for nothing.” Daehyun-hyung laughed forcing a plate filled with meat into my hands, pulling down on my shoulder, I had no other choice than to sit back on the plastic seat. “While all we want is to spend more time with you.” Daehyun-hyung winked and went back to his meat cooking, preparing plates for everyone else. Looking back at Himchan-hyung I noticed he was blushing while digging his feet in the sand.  
“Hyung..” I let out a relieved breath. If that was only that, sure I had nothing to be worried over.  
“Shut up” he let out still avoiding my eyes. I hadn't have my Hyung acting this way to me, so I couldn't hold back my laugh even though he kept ordering me to shut up and that it wasn't it.

Once Jongup-hyung had awoken and we all had finished our meat plate. We were laying on the sand, enjoying the warmth, or maybe it was more like it was too hot to be doing anything else than burning under the sun. It was only then that Yongguk-hyung and Yongnam-hyung came back. I couldn't help but to have my heart pounding in my chest the more my Hyung was getting nearer. I swallowed out of habit because my throat and mouth were too dry to have any saliva left in. Yongguk-hyung patted my head sitting next me after he grabbed a cold sausage on his way. “Where's Dongyeon?” Daehyun-hyung asked and the twins blinked at him.  
“Wasn't he with you?  
\- No he was with you two.” Both the twins shook their head before looking at each other. I sat up suddenly, my heart still pounding hard but this time for a whole different reason. “He followed after you when you left.” My eyes met with Yongnam-hyung and I averted them right away, the memory of him walking on his brother and me this morning still fresh into my mind.

“I swear this kid will be the end of me.” he mumbled standing up and left back from where he came from. Few seconds after Yongguk-hyung followed after him. I wasn't sure which reason pushed me to do the same, but I found myself running side to side with Yongguk-hyung. As I called for Yeon's name I found myself not being persuasive enough. Did I came because it pained me to see my Hyung running after another boy, or because I didn't want to stay far from Yongguk-hyung. The only thing that I knew was that I wasn't doing it for Yeon…  
“Did he follow us long after we left?” Yongguk-hyung tore me out my selfish thoughts. I blinked at him and kept looking around for the boy. We were now walking through the forest which was riding the length of the beach.  
“I don't know.” I replied annoyed by his question. What I was sure about was that our conversation from this morning wasn't for nothing into my actual reaction. “When I went out the car this morning you three were already gone.” I could hear it perfectly, my tone was cold and Yongguk-hyung noticed it. He stopped searching to stare at me, but I kept moving forward. What I wanted to know was where did he left with his brother? What were they doing that took so much time ?  
“Junhong.”  
“What?” I couldn't help but to keep thinking about it. When Yongguk-hyung said he wanted to spend his whole free time with me, was it just a lie? Because I didn't really consider him leaving for hours with his twin, to be spending time with me.  
“He found him.” Turning back, Yongguk-hyung was showing me a text he received from [Bro : Found him.] Nothing was letting us know if Dongyeon was doing fine or not. He could have found his dead body, it would be probably just the same.

“Let's go back then.” I nodded and undertook our way back but a hold on my arm prevented me to. Looking at my Hyung he was looking at me with a sad look, making me want to plug my ear so I wouldn't hear what he had to say.  
“I'm sorry..  
\- What for?  
\- For this morning. I talked with Nam and…” he was looking for his words and I didn't dare to say anything. What could have they been saying which took that much time? I hoped they hadn't quarrel because of me. “I finally made him understand what was wrong. He won't do it again.” I blinked once again, maybe had I heard wrong, or simply didn't got the meaning behind this.  
“What do you mean : made him understand ? And won't do it again?  
\- …  
\- Hyung?” this time I was the one to grab him back by his arm so we were holding each other.  
“How to say that… we used to share everything we had. And you… it's the first time I don't want to share something with my brother.  
\- Because I'm just ‘something’?” I felt my heart skipping a beat but before I could feel bad about it I was thrown against a tree by an angry Hyung.  
“ Don't play dumb right now’s not the time!” I winced and he released me so he could cup my face in both his hands. “I don't mean you, but what we have and feel for each other.  
\- Hyung..  
\- I'm sorry it took time but finally got this into his mind.  
\- I understand.” I smiled and he smiled back to me before his lips ended on my forehead. I wrapped my arms around his chest and his wrapped me. I rested my head against his chest and I felt his leaning on the top of my head. “That tree hurt Hyung…” I complained feeling my back being itchy.

“Sorry” was all he said but not all he did. Pulling back he pressed his lips against mine and I answered back his kiss. As he leaned more and more forward, I had to grab his shoulders to not fall, once he broke our kiss he moved his lips to my neck, he bite me down there and suck on my skin earning a gasp from me. “I'm sorry I also let you alone this morning.” he whispered, but because there were no other sound around us, I could hear him as perfectly as though he had whispered this into my ear. His hand moved to my crotch and I felt it slipping into my pants, I gasped when it got wrapped around my member, reminding me I hadn't put on any underwear. “So where did we stopped ?” I could feel his smile against my collarbone.

“Hyung! We're outside!” I gasped jerking my head backward when he started jerking me down there, as though both my member and head were linked together, he couldn't touch one without the other end being all aroused and moving on their own.

“I know…” he said slowly as he released me, my pants falling down on my feet. I blinked at him and I heard a zipper being pulled down. “Do want me to stop?” he asked out of breath, then I felt something warm, big, and as hard as I was being pressed against my cock before Hyung's big hand wrapped it together, pressing both of it against each other. I shook my head slowly from right to left, my eyes not leaving his, and he moved his hand as slowly from up and down.  
In this moment, and in such a place, I should be checking our surrounding so no one would be walking on us again, but I cared less in this instant. “Hyung !” the more he jerked both of us, the higher my voice was getting and I wanted to slap myself for this. Every time he replied by a simple grunt or a smile followed by a kiss. Our lips weren't far from each other's, our breathe being mixed together. His eyes were piercing through mine and I felt so impressed, to have him towering me this way, but his face had also something fascinating preventing me to avert my eyes. He looked pleased, enjoying this moment with me and for nothing on Earth would I want missing this. What I thought about was that I wanted to please him more, more, and more again. But what could I do when I could barely move myself? Hyung was doing all the work. “Ah!” I winced and my body was ran by a spasm, I was well aware of what it meant but I didn't want to let go. Hyung looked like he wasn't near being done. I plate a hand against my mouth but Yongguk-hyung removed it with his free hand, he moved my hand to his nape and as he spoke his nose was touching mine.

“Don't hold back.” he whispered and I whined every now and then as he bucked his hips along his hand movement. Whenever his hand went done, he gave a powerful thrust, my dirty mind trying to imagine what it would be like to have it do the same way into me. This image got reason of me, and soon his hand was recovered with my cum.  
“I'm sorry Hyung, I'm sorry.” I apologised as he groaned releasing both of us. Tightening my grip on his shoulder and neck I didn't want to let go.

“What are you sorry for?” he chuckled, trying to make it look like it was nothing, but I knew this look. He wanted more, to have his own release.  
“Keep going Hyung. Don't mind me.” I plead him and he stared at me a few seconds, checking me out. “I want to…” taking a deep breath I moved my hand to his member and wrapped it, tightening the stronger I could, startling my Hyung who was fast removing my hand.  
“Alright, I get it. No need to tear me off.” he grinned and I nodded looking down. For the first time I was seeing his member, as I thought and felt it, it was the double size of mine. He didn't have any foreskin, and I felt like it was standing proudly toward me, as saying it couldn't wait to get into me. “Give me your hand” next thing I saw was Yongguk-hyung's hand covered here and there with my sperm. I moved a shaking hand to his, and he moved my hand down to his member. I swore I felt it shaking excitedly under my touch. My face was being moved up by Yongguk-hyung holding me by my chin, “you sure you're okay?” I nodded pinching my lips, his dick pulsing once again under my fingers. “You're not saying anything…” Yongguk-hyung said worried and I smiled to him.

“Yours big…” a short silence followed my comment and he laughed helping me to wrap my hand around his member, as his hand was holding my wrist he made me move it up and down while he rolled his hips. I peeked down to see the tip of his member moving in and out of my wrist, but I couldn't stare at it longer as Yongguk-hyung kissed me passionately. My hand which was holding onto his nape, came wrapping it completely so I was hooking on him while my other hand was busy trying to bring him same pleasure he did to me. From time to time, he bit down on my tongue before wrapping his hand around mine, making me understand I was going too loose. He lasted way longer than I did making me feel ridiculous. Finally I felt his body spamming making me realise he could also notice when I was near. Not knowing why I wanted to check down when he would cum but he prevented me to do so, he gasped a few times before linking our lips together, I felt something warm falling on my hand but also splashing on my belly. I couldn't process everything as he pulled me into a hug repeating the same words “I love you” I smiled trying to look up at him, not knowing how to feel about it. It wasn't like I had been doing that much.  
“I love you too Hyung.”

  
As we walked back to the camp once we had put back on our clothes and tried to get rid of evidence, I decided I could feel proud about what just happened. At no moment I had thought about my mum, truth was that Yongguk-hyung didn't leave me any break to do so. Whatever the reason behind was, we just had one hell of intimate moment and nothing had stop it. Yongguk-hyung wrapped his hand around mine as we were getting nearer to the camp and I intertwined our fingers looking at him happily.

  
Others were partying in the water and we joined them. I walked up to Dongyeon who looked in a good mood enough for me to speak to him. “Where were you?” I asked and he grinned at me.  
“And you where were you?  
\- Looking out for you.” I blushed peeking at Yongguk-hyung and looked back at Yeon who was staring at my neck, right where Hyung had bite and sucked my skin, not knowing if it had left any hickeys I still moved a hand to cover it with my hand.  
“Hmm… well I wanted to follow Yongnam-hyung when Yongguk-hyung brought him away, but I couldn't catch them up. When I tried to come back to the camp I got lost…” by the end of his explanation he was mumbling but soon found back his smile “and then Yongnam-hyung found me! Do you think he was worried for me?” he asked all excited.  
“Of course he was, we all were.  
\- not Daehyun-hyung nor Himchan-hyung and Jongup-hyung, when we came back they hadn't moved an inch…” he puffed out his cheeks and I couldn't help but to pat his head. “I think he's falling for me.” he then added looking at Yongnam-hyung who was trying to pull down Himchan-hyung’s swimwear.  
“I think he already did but doesn't want to admit it.” I said and Yeon looked at me with big round eyes.  
“Really?  
\- That's what I think… well that's what we all think. Even Yongguk-hyung, and he's his twin so…  
\- but I feel like something’s preventing him to accept me… something he feels for you…” he said sadly avoiding my eyes.  
“ There’s nothing between Yongnam-hyung and me, give him some time, okay?” I smiled and he smiled back to me nodding slowly.  
My heart felt light, after my private time with Yongguk-hyung and being able to speak with Yeon, I felt like everything was back in order.

The end of afternoon went smoothly, we mainly remained in the ocean, enjoying the cool water saving us from the unbearable heat, avoiding Yongnam-hyung who was trying to get down the pants of anyone had the misfortune to stand too near from him.  
When came the time of dinner, everyone left on their side, I guessed it finally came time, each one wanted to get also some private time. Yongguk-hyung was busy drying my hair when Himchan-hyung and Jongup-hyung left the last. “What do you want to go eat?  
\- I don't know. Anything we would find will be fine by me.  
\- Come on, we're on holiday. That's the time to eat what you want when you want.  
\- Is that it?” I had never heard of such a thing. My previous holidays had pretty remained the same as the rest of the year, at the only exception there wasn't school… “So that's why Daehyun-hyung only eats meat.” I now understood.  
“ Yeah! At Youngjae’s great despair!” Yongguk-hyung laughed and folded the towel as he was done drying my hair. While he put it away I was looking at the immensity of water in front of us.  
“Well… I like meat but… eating this at every lunch since we got here I feel a bit sick of it.  
\- And so do I.” Yongguk-hyung replied standing next to me, he gave me a hand inviting me to stand up and I followed after him as we started to make our way toward the nearest village.  
“ So can we eat fish? We're at the beach so there should have some place with fresh fish, shouldn't it?” I asked full of expectation. Of course it was the first time of my life I moved from the city and all fish I ever eaten were frozen ones. It seemed like Yongguk-hyung had just read my mind as he patted my head grinning.  
“ I know a place where they cook the fishes they got the very same day!  
\- Really ? I want to go there!” I cheered loudly and Yongguk-hyung put his arm over my shoulder. The fresh air of the nightfall making the temperature more bearable and the village being only 15 minutes away by foot, we didn't call any car to come pick us up and it was also a nice change.

  
“Hyung?  
\- Hmm?  
\- Do you come here often? For holidays?  
\- Lately not that much… But when we were younger we liked to come here, away from our parents and from everything.  
\- You mean with Yongnam-hyung ?  
\- Sometimes with Jongup as well.  
\- What about the others ?” Yongguk-hyung didn't answer right away and he looked at me, moving up a bang from my forehead so he could look into my eyes.  
\- Why all these questions?  
\- I want to know more about you… all of you.” I puffed my cheeks and looked at the long road in front of us. “You know each others since you're way younger and I just got in your band. Sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all.  
\- On the contrary, sometimes I feel like you know us much more than we know each other's…” we stayed silent a few more steps, time for me to think deeply about what he just said, and I had to confess, I felt at ease with each one of them now. It was long gone the time I was spying on them from afar.  
“You're right. But I still want to know more about you. How you used to live.” I smiled up at my Hyung and he smiled back to me.  
“Alright. Daehyun went to China with his father, due to their business with the mafia there. Youngjae was enrolled into summer classes. And for Himchan, he used to go to Japan with his mother.  
\- That's right Himchan-hyung’s mother is Japanese.” I said pensively, remembering I hadn't been able to meet with his parents when going to his place.  
“ I heard you went to Himchan’s place already.  
\- Yeah it was when I didn't want to go back to Daejung’s place.  
\- Don't worry you'll never go back there.” He tried to reassure me ruffling my hair but I slapped his hand away.  
“ What are you talking about? Of course I'll be going back there, I have to pay him a visit from time to time.  
\- Not under my watch.  
\- And why’s that?  
\- He's able to keep you locked in his dungeon…” he mumbled and I laughed holding his hand which I caressed to smooth him.  
“Don't worry Hyung. Your place is the one I love the best.” but then he didn't got the reaction I was expecting from him. He glared at me. “What?  
\- It's not /my/ place…  
\- …  
\- It's /our/ place!” he complained and I blushed looking away, yet smiling out of happiness. I kept his hand in mine.  
“Yeah you're right… our place. I like our place a lot.” I confessed in a low voice and he pulled me against him, kissing my temple.  
“Better.”

  
We kept walking talking about his previous holidays, all the place he went to and how he used to spend his free times. Even if he skipped and, or forgot to tell me some part of it, as I always imagined his holidays to be filled with pretty girls. We arrived to the village, Yongguk-hyung seemed to know it by heart as he walked straight to a little house, if he hadn't told me I would have never guess for it to be a restaurant. Stepping through the door we got warmly welcomed by the an old lady, she hugged Hyung who strange enough let her do as she liked, and she even hugged me before telling us that our friends arrived few minutes before us. “Our friends?” I asked blinking at her but as answer she gave me a simple nod and lead us through the room until a table of eight already filled with six people who weren't foreigner to us.  
“See? I told you they would come also! Everyone's tired of your meat at breakfast, lunch and dinner!” Youngjae-hyung bragged loudly while Daehyun-hyung rolled his eyes at him.  
“Fish is fish meat...” Daehyun-hyung retort as I sat next Jongup-hyung and Yongguk-hyung next to me.  
“I like meat a lot, but too much is too much Daehyun-ah” Himchan-hyung took Youngjae-hyung's defense.  
“I don't mind eating only meat.” Jongup-hyung commented, I had tried to take the bottle of water from his hands, as I was the younger after Yeon it was my duty to fill my Hyung's glass, but Jongup-hyung was stronger than me and so he decided that he wanted to fill Yongguk-hyung and mine.  
“You don't mind but you're still sitting here… in a sea fish restaurant.” Yongnam-hyung grinned at him.  
“Of course, I followed Himchan-hyung.” Jongup-hyung stated making Himchan-hyung huff.  
“You make it sound like I’m boss you around…” he complained.  
“Heh? You don't boss Jongup-hyung around?” Yeon choked on his water and Himchan-hyung glared at him.  
“Of course not! He follows me on his free will!  
\- Well I wonder what it's like when you get all bossy then…” Yeon tilted his head on the side earning chuckle from each one of us.  
“ I swear you kid spend too much time with Yongnam.” but even if Himchan-hyung wanted it to sound like a reproach it pleased Dongyeon more than it should.  
“I'm for nothing into this kid's education!” Yongnam-hyung defended himself raising both his hands into the air. I laughed at this and he pointed a finger at me. “You don't laugh!  
\- Make me.” I grinned to him and leaned my head onto Yongguk-hyung's shoulder who slapped his twin finger away. Yongnam-hyung turned to Himchan-hyung probably expecting him to say something.  
“What?” that last one asked grinning to him as well as he rest his chin on his hand.  
“And you don't say that Junhong is spending too much with my brother? See how he’s doing!” Yongnam-hyung pointed again a finger at me while speaking to Himchan-hyung, which was being slapped away again by Yongguk-hyung.  
“Oh no, this attitude has nothing to do with me.” Yongguk-hyung sighed shaking his head while at the other end of the table Daehyun-hyung raised up his hand in the air as to answer a question from a teacher.  
“No sorry, this is me!” he said proudly while Youngjae-hyung buried a finger into his sides.  
“And what a gift” he mumbled.

  
I laughed along as the conversation kept going on even after the plates arrived. The fried fish smelled fresh and salty as the ocean. Now I could understand the difference it made between a fish which was caught few hours ago compared to one we could buy in supermarket. And as we left the restaurant I thanked the old lady, promising her that we would come back. We all went back to the camp by foot, playing and laughing, the alcohol which had been served to eat with the fresh fish meat not helping my Hyung to walk straight. I pulled on Yongguk-hyung’s shirt and I made him walk a bit more slowly so we could stay a bit apart. He hummed wrapping his arm around my shoulders and leaned on me, “will we… will we really come back?” I asked. I knew it was something we usually said to look good, but for once, I hoped it wasn't only that. “If you want to, of course we will.” he smiled and I nodded helping him to walk a bit faster so we could catch up with the others.

  
The following days went by too fast to my taste, and we hadn't got the occasion to go back to the fish restaurant, we already had to go back to the city. Sitting in the car while it was driving away from the ocean I felt my eyes getting teary. “Don't be sad Junhong-ah, we'll come back.” Youngjae-hyung who was sitting next to me cheered me up rubbing my back.  
“I'm not sad Hyung.” I replied wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. “I'm happy.” I looked away from the window, the sand had leave room to rocks and asphalt, so I noticed they were all looking at me. “It was the best holidays I ever had!” I gave them a bright smile and Youngjae-hyung pinched my cheeks cooing over how cute I was.  
“And holidays aren't over.” Yongguk-hyung winked at me before looking back at the cards in his hands. And so I looked back at the pictures Youngjae-hyung had taken through the last days at the beach. For the first time of my life I understood what it was like to have fun on summer holidays with friends, and as my Hyung said it had only been the beginning of it.

  
Once back in Seoul, we stopped by everyone's house and once everyone was home, Yongguk-hyung and Yongnam-hyung hand back the hotel-car as they had borrowed it under their name. They also paid the driver and when I thought it was over, Yongnam-hyung clapped in his hands offering me his scariest smirk. I hide behind Yongguk-hyung, did he wanted to pay me back now for every time I had made fun of him? “Wh-what do you want?” I asked pointing a shaking finger at him.  
“Don't be silly, it's tomorrow. We have to go buy you a costume.” he shook his head and I blinked at him. What was tomorrow? What had I forgotten?  
“Because you think you're coming with us?” Yongguk-hyung stepped even more between us so he was now hiding me completely.  
“But coming where? Why?” I asked being completely lost with the twins’ conversation.  
“See? I told you he had forgotten!” Yongnam-hyung chuckled while raising a hand to call for a taxi and Yongguk-hyung turned round toward me.  
“Forgot what?” I asked once again looking up to my Hyung.  
“Or maybe you thought you could go to this kind of place wearing simple jeans and shirt?” Yongnam-hyung was making fun of me while I had no idea what he was talking about, how could I think about what cloth to wear when I had no idea about the place I was supposed to go? I glared at him but Yongguk-hyung hold me by my chin to make me look back at him.  
“Junhong. Tell me now if you don't want to go tomorrow, anymore.” His worried look now wasn't to reassure me.  
“I'm sorry Hyung, but it's true I forgot… to go where?  
\- To the Kim’s party.”


	59. THE KIM ANNUAL PARTY

**YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW**

“How does it look on me ?” for the nth time his panicked eyes fallen upon me, as he walked up to me. I tried to make him understand with so many words already, but whatever I said he would come back with the same question. I wished he had more faith into my words and mostly into my fashion sense. I sighed dusting a bit his shoulders as I looked at him from up and down. “What?” he asked again more question as he tried to look at himself but I prevented him to by holding up his chin. “What?” this time his eyes were looking for answers into mine as his breathing pace got faster.

Smirking, I got nearer, yet far enough just for our lips to be brushing against each other's and I felt his whole self getting attracted to me. “It looks good.” I let out after I decided he had hold back his breath for long enough to not ask this silly question once again. Not that I didn't like to admire him in his new costume we bought him yesterday with my brother, but he would end by getting us late if he didn't let me getting prepared as well. I noticed him turning round to check himself out in the small mirror in the entrance of our apartment while I was tightening a silver watch around my wrist.

Finally, I walked up to him to stand behind him and helped him to get his tie straight, he gulped as he let me do so. I enjoyed our position to whisper in his ear, “right now I want to bent you over and fuck your brain out until you wouldn't be able to walk for a week.” The more I whispered into his ear, the redder he was getting, once I finished I back hugged him and kissed his cheek. “And I'll do it if you keep asking me the same silly question you kept asking since we came home yesterday.” His eyes were looking at me wide trying to understand if I was joking or not. I raised an eyebrow as to ask if he got the thing, which apparently he did as he nodded not adding another word over this black suit.

“Good. Because whatever happens you won't make us being late.” I sighed pulling back and rest both hands on his shoulders while he looked down to his shoes.

“What if his parents don't like me?

\- There's no reason for them to not like you.

\- We're not from same world, I'm not wealthy and..

\- … and what?

\- I don't know! Hyung! I don't know. I never went to such a party…

\- You want to stay home ?” I asked, not liking to see my boy in such a state but he shook his head.

“Himchan-hyung will be sad if I don't go.

\- Himchan-hyung will understand if you don't go.” I said and he chuckled looking up at me, I smiled to him to reassure him. “Don't worry. I won't let any of them to hurt you or say anything that could hurt you.

\- You're staying by my sides.

\- I won't go any further than this.” I replied wrapping myself around him and kissing him in his neck, earning a few laughs from him.

“We will look weird if we do that Hyung!” he laughed and I rested my chin on his shoulder looking at his reflection in the mirror.

“I don't care what they think.

\- Thank you Hyung.” he moved his hand to rest it over mine and I pulled away to turn him round so I could claim those little lips which never stopped to ask questions, I caressed his soft cheek as I leaned forward. But before I could he gasped grabbing my wrist. “We're late!”

 

**YOUNGJAE POINT OF VIEW**

“Boy, bring me a drink.” Himchan's aunt ordered me as soon as I reached his family to greet them.

The emplacement changed according the weather, but as it wasn't too hot with all the trees and fountains around, this year’s party was held in Himchan's house garden. Which meant the entrance was at the other end of it, and to get to the heart of the party where the Kim family was, you had to walk through a crowd of perfumes and shining diamonds. There was this little platform on which the Kim family could stand so they could be viewable from anyone was standing in the garden, even from the people at the other side. It was being said that it was used for dancing, but no one ever danced in this kind of party, so it was more for everyone to be able to get a glimpse of the well known Kim family, but I doubted it to be more a show off of how different the Kim family was from the other wealthy people.

“Youngjae is not a waiter, Aunt.” Himchan sighed when I climbed on said platform.

“Really ? ... I thought he was. I don't see other reason for him to be here.” she replied looking at me from head to toe as thought I was some dirt.

“Aunt ! He's my friend ! You can't treat him like this !

\- My dear nephew, you should choose your friends more wisely... "

Oh yeah, I know well what everybody was thinking. Why hadn’t I say a word yet and remained quiet ? Hell, I knew better than to reply to every word this kind of people said. She was too blinded by all that gold she was wearing and which didn't suit her complexion at all. No matter the words which were spoken to her, she was too deaf to hear any of it. Ignoring her I turned toward Himchan.

“Am I the first ?

\- Yes.” he replied playing nervously with his fingers as he looked at the crowd of vultures in front of us and who had their eyes locked on their target : the young hair of the Kim family who wasn't engaged to anyone yet. At least officially. I chuckled finding the whole situation really comical in a certain way.

“What?

\- Don't you think there would be a bit more agitation if others arrived yet?” he seemed to get what I meant and stopped looking at the crowd to turn his back on them, I patted said back to calm him down.

“Don't tell me /those/ other people you call friends will come…?

\- Aunt, please. Of course I invited all my friends.” Himchan sighed annoyed by the reaction of his aunt. But luckily we got saved from this hell by an angel.

“Youngjae-kun what a pleasure to see you there !” Himchan's mother embraced me.

“Thank you for inviting me this year again.” I smiled as genuinely as she was doing embracing her back. 

“Why did you invited such unwanted people ?” Himchan's aunt tried to complain to her sister, but Himchan's mother knew better than to play the little game of her jealous sister. 

“Oh ! Hush ! Leave us alone.” She snorted to Himchan’s aunt and I smirked at her, the moment I had been waiting for finally came. 

“Yes. Please, leave us alone. We don't want unwanted people to stick by our side.” I said harshly reminding her I was allowed into the Kim couple house while she wasn't. Himchan's parents knew how to keep close members of the family, because in high society it was being said that nothing was more important than family. But yet, they knew how to keep them far enough to not get involved in every little drama they might face as they weren't always as benevolent as they wanted others to see them. 

I was looking for her reply when I felt my side being pinched, looking at the culprit, Himchan’s mother who had linked our arms together was glaring at her sister making her well understand it was now time for her to go check if her husband hadn't grown wings and horns in her absence. 

“I'm sorry Youngjae-kun.

\- What for? Your sister or my poor innocent side?” I complained to her but the only thing she did was to cackle, hitting on my arm as though I just told her the most funny joke she ever heard.

 

**DAEHYUN POINT OF VIEW**

The crowd split in two to let me walk through. I spotted Jongup in a corner but as each year I acted as if I didn't knew him. It was like this the party worked, and because Himchan asked us to, we had to stick to it. Well, he had been more begging than asking, which was the only reason why we went along. If we wanted to meet Jongup during the party we needed to do it in hidden places. Himchan had been able to invite Yongguk-hyung and Yongnam-hyung because their father owned the most prestigious school of the country. I was invited because, while Himchan's father ruled the city officially, mine did just the same unofficially. Naive were the ones who thought they didn't know each other, or hold no business to work on together.

As I got nearer to the centre of attention, I saw the party bitch. We met eyes together, but as she averted her gaze, probably hoping it would make her disappear I walked up to her and held her hand to kiss it before pulling on it so I could whisper sweet words to her ear.

“Were you being nice to Youngjae while I was absent?” I asked and I felt her getting tensed, which was answering my question, added of a quick glance to Youngjae’s frustrated expression, I got the thing they had already exchanged mondanités together. I sighed looking at her ugly face, the gold reflects of the jewels she was wearing were giving a sick look to her face. “Sometimes I wonder if you're not the masochist type. You like to be punished by my family don't you?” she gasped shaking her head while I was nodding. “Don't worry, even if I forget, Youngjae would be happy to remind me what you've done to him this year.” I winked at her, leaving her on the edge of fainting to join my friends.

“Daehyun-kun!! You're so handsome today!!!” Himchan's mother cheered opening wide her arms so we could hug each other.

“Ehhh? Is it only today?

\- of course not! You're always beautiful my boy!” she cackled a lot, but I wondered if it wasn't simply her way to greet others as she did this non-stop. As we were hugging each other I met eyes once again with Himchan’s aunt, making her well understand she was a dead rat. Himchan glared at me when he saw it but I pulled away from his mother so he didn't have the time to say anything.

Himchan's parents were the only aristocrats I accepted to spend my time with. After all they were the only ones to deserve my respect. Not only were they sweet and lovely, but they were also part of this kind of people that didn't hate anyone, if it was only for them they would put everybody on an equal footing. But this was without counting on their family, cousins, brothers and what else; this kind of relatives loved the fact that thank to their blood, and not because of work, they got to enter the aristocracy. What they liked above anything else: the inequality their rank brought them. 

This, and meeting Youngjae and Junhong, I came to realise that worst people aren't those at the top nor at the bottom. But those in between. The ones who knew they would never go upper and who were only afraid to go downer.

 

**JONGUP POINT OF VIEW**

Every year was the same, listening to people’s talking it felt like last party happened yesterday. Always same conversation between same people, no one ever wanting to mix with one another. I looked around worriedly and stood as far as I could from the crowd, first because I wasn't allowed to, and second because I hadn't got the time to warn Junhong how the party worked. I didn't want to cause trouble to Himchan-hyung and if Junhong ever met eyes with me, it would be the end of the world…

I checked my phone for the nth time but the message I had sent to Junhong and Yongguk-hyung was still unread.

“Hey beggar” each year was the same. I used to call them my friends just because they were same age as me, or not that older, nor that younger. Said friend walked up to me followed by his other friends. Really, we were just ‘friends’ once a year and that was for the world to believe during the Kim party. “I heard a rumor about Kim Him Chan’s new friend, he's a beggar from his school. I guess you're jealous he didn't chose you. But for that you would first need to go to the same school!” Before they could even laugh, they got interrupted by a girl with short hair.

“Shut up! Kim Him Chan’s friend isn't a beggar!” she burst at him while we all looked at her surprised.

“Because you know him?” my friend asked the very same question I had on my mind. 

“Yeah...sort of…” she mumbled taking a step back as my friend got nearer to her, trying to frighten her, and it worked as she realized she just talked harshly to someone whose class was upper than hers.

“Liar.” He simply scoffed before leaving and once he had stepped over her foot until she winced quietly.

I smiled to the girl who ignored me as two girls and two boys joined her. I knew them. Well everybody knew each other here, and by knowing I mean we didn't knew names or personal lives but only from which block we all were, so they had to know who I was also.

Ten. That was the total amount of block that existed within the Kim domain. The upper grade being the block holding the first number, was the one for Himchan-hyung's family, the lower grade, mine, was the number ten. Yet, still to live in Himchan-hyung's domain, one had to have a good situation, work or position in high society; which all three top places were held by Himchan-hyung’s father.

“Are you okay ?” the tomboy’s friends sounded worried even though she hadn't been that much hustled. “Did he say something bad to you ?

\- No, only beside that I was a liar when I said we knew Kim Him Chan's friend.

\- Well, we didn't even thought about asking him his name.” they kept chatting and I couldn't help but to eavesdrop or even to intrude myself in the conversation.

“Jun Hong.” I said and they looked at me as if I was crazy, one of the girl grabbed the tomboy by her arm and started to drag her away. But the tomboy freed herself to come nearer to me.

“What ?” she was still keeping some distance even if she tried to look like she didn't care about the caste.

“It's Jun Hong.” I repeated smiling.

“Who is Jun Hong ?” she tilted her head getting more interested while her friends started to get annoyed, trying to get her away, back to the party.

“Kim Him Chan's friend. His name is Choi Jun Hong.

\-  ... How do you know his name ?” she asked and now even her friends were interested in what I had to say.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

\- Told us what?

\- I'm going to the same school as he does.” there was a short silence before one of the boy started to chuckle, followed by the others.

“Don't talk nonsense. We know who you are, and there's no way you could be Kim Him Chan's classmate.

\- You're right. It's as much possible as for you to know his friend.” this time was my turn to chuckle before I moved to sit on a bench. And that's how I aroused their interest in me. They followed me, almost gluing themselves to me as they all asked me questions at the same time. I made them shut up by moving my hand, pointing to the garden’s entrance. They stood up, and moved near it as every guest was. Trying to get the nearest possible to the newcomers.

The main entertainment of the party had just made its entrance.

 

**HIMCHAN POINT OF VIEW**

Moving my glare from my watch to the newcomers, I waited for one of the Bang to be looking at me to show him how annoyed I was at their lateness.

They tried to make their way to where I was standing with my parents as every guest was trying to get a glimpse of Junhong, whom was hiding between the twin brothers.

My mother grabbed and squeezed my arm, I heard her gasping as she too was moving her head from right to left, standing on her tiptoe to try looking at my new friend. Of course they all wondered what he would be looking alike, as he wasn't from any rich family they ever heard of, or a genius who suddenly inherited huge amount of money. For them, Junhong was a commoner, which, in their mentality, was impossible for both of us to be friend.

“Can't you stand still ?” I huffed at my mum after she stepped on my feet.

“でも何も見えないよ...” she complained in Japanese to me, which she used to do whenever she got too excited, she forgot her Korean.

“Don't tell me that in Japanese... they're making their way to here so you'll see him soon enough.” I sighed and she pouted at me. Even though she was my mother, sometimes I felt like I had to deal with a little sister, and that I was sure was because my dad spoiled her way too much.

As they were now near enough I could see some people glaring at Junhong, looking at him from head to toe, judging him and despising him. Thankfully, the two Bang were surrounding him so he could see none of that.

“小さい！” my mum exclaimed when our new guest stepped on the platform. “チョウ可愛い！ oh my! 可愛い過ぎてあの子食べたいよ！ヨングク君そんなに可愛い彼氏を見つけておめでとう!” I looked at her weirdly, she was talking nonsense which only amused Yongguk who replied her back in Japanese, his gum showing as he chuckled.

“ありがとうございます～ ” he bowed slightly before pushing Junhong softly in his back so he would take a step nearer to my mum. The poor boy looked lost as my mum jumped on him making me wonder if he ever understood Japanese. I knew his marks weren't that good in foreign languages, so in case of any doubts I had to warn my mother.

“ママ,韓国語で話してね 。

\- え～何で？ " she asked turning her head to me pouting as she petted Junhong in her arms.

“ジュンホングは日本語が分からないから...” I explained and she gasped pulling back from him and hold him by his shoulders.

“Omo! I'm sorry Junhong-kun, I didn't know you didn't understood Japanese” she apologized and we could hear people whispering around us, probably saying it was a disgrace to not know how to speak Japanese when you were invited to the Kim party. Junhong peeked at them but my mum prevented him to feel bad about this as she cupped his face, smiling tenderly to him.

Junhong shook his head blushing as to say she hadn't to apologize, I didn’t know if he felt impressed because of all the guest around us or because my mum was so touchy with him. In this way, she was so not like what people thought a Japanese women of her rank would be. 

“You're so cute” my mother cooed caressing his pink cheeks.

“A-Arigatô gozaimasu !” he answered clumsily trying to bow the lower he could while the twins behind him were being no support anymore laughing. Yongguk patted Junhong's back, telling him he didn't have to be that tensed in front of my mum.

“You're so well-mannered, aren't you ?” she opened her arms to hug him once agsin and Junhong let her do as she pleased. “I want to keep you for myself.” Finally Bang decided to interfere as he removed her from his boy, wrapping his own arm around him. 

“I'm afraid that won't be possible” he offered my mum one of his evil smile, but she was immune to it. She slapped his arm cackling. As they were in their little world, they didn't notice people around were trying to get nearer, one had even grabbed a glass of alcohol to offer to Junhong. I frowned at this and I felt a hand on my shoulder. 

“Don't.” Daehyun simply said before he made his way to my house and I felt Youngjae pushing me in my back, “Let's get inside” he invited the others to follow us so we could get a bit more intimate conversation.

 

**JONGUP POINT OF VIEW**

As soon as the door closed behind the group whom entered the house, the tomboy came back to me running.

“DID YOU SEE HIM? IT'S HIM RIGHT?” she was literally screaming into my ear and her friend joined her.

“YOU HEARD HOW KIM HIM CHAN CALLED HIM?

\- YEAH, HE SAID ジュンホング！” one of the guy said and they turned slowly their face to me.

“You were right! His name’s Junhong so it means.. 

\- that you're going to MAMA ?

\- how did you do ? We're forbidden to go to the same school as the young master!

\- Well, before being friend with Himchan-hyung, I'm friend with Yongguk-hyung.” they looked at me shocked by too much information.

“Friend with?

\- Himchan-hyung?

\- Yongguk-hyung… you mean Bang Yongguk?” they repeated after me and I nodded. They were so excited, the tomboy even clapped in her hands laughing, it was funny to witness.

“But… aren’t you sad to not be with them right now, if they’re really your friends?” one of the boy asked me, he was and looked so suspicious about my story.

“You still don't believe him?

\- It's just weird…” he defended himself.

“A bit. Mostly because it must be funny to see how Junhong would deal with Himchan-hyung's mother. But I like more to stay here and not cause Himchan-hyung any trouble.

\- What trouble are you talking about?

\- You're pretty simple to deal with. But imagine how the other guests would react? You saw how they reacted to Junhong. That would be way worst with me.” I explained and they nodded understanding. It felt nice to be able to speak about it with people who could really understand because Himchan-hyung didn't at all.

“Do you think Junhong remembers us?” the tomboy asked me blushing. 

“Why wouldn't he?

\- Well… I don't know. He must meet at lot of great people everyday.” She mumbled and I wondered what her imagination of Junhong's life was alike...

“Do you know if he spoke to Kim Him Chan about us?

\- A bit… I wasn't there so I can't be sure but now you talk about I remember that Himchan-hyung felt jealous about you.” I chuckled shaking my head remembering the way he had sulked all night when Junhong went back to Daejung. 

“Did he?

\- Why would he?

\- He's stuck in his house and we're pretty free to walk around without being annoyed by everyone living out there. I guess he would have liked to walk around with Junhong.

\- Being said like that…

\- What he's like? I mean, Kim Him Chan… in his everyday life?

\- Well, he-” I started laughing, what I would tell them would completely change their view on the Kim Him Chan but I couldn't get further as we got interrupted.

“Jongup…” Youngjae sighed walking up to us and the kids with me stood up from the bench as if they got pricked in the ass. I heard them whispering about ‘Kim Him Chan's friend’ as I stood up to join him. Youngjae who had come to pick me up nodded his head slightly to greet them and turned to me. “Let's go. Himchan's mum prepared some tea and is trying to steal Junhong from Yongguk-hyung. Something I really don't want to miss. 

\- Yet you came to pick me up” I said shaking my hand to my new little friends who had stayed standing straight like a rod, before following Youngjae in the narrow hidden pathway to Himchan-hyung's house. Youngjae huffed not replying letting me guess he had lost to the paper, scissors, stone game. 

 

**DAEHYUN POINT OF VIEW**

“And what about your parents?” Himchan's mother was inquiring the poor boy since we had entered the house, waiting for the mayor to come home before we could officially start the party. 

“I hadn't seen them since…” Junhong was clearly ill at ease speaking out his story, and mostly about his parents which was a sensible topic even between us. 

“That's so sad” she gasped covering her mouth with both her hands while Yongguk-hyung escaped à growl from his corner.

“What is…” he mumbled and Himchan's mother glared at him.

“He's so young! Of course it is sad and really problematic, Junhong is still under his parents’ responsibility.” It was rare to see anyone scolding Yongguk-hyung and Himchan's mother was clearly the only one who could do such a thing. He replied nothing as she turned back toward Junhong to hold both his hands. “I will go talk with your parents. You can’t stay like this.

\- No please I don't want to go back there.” Junhong plead her and she shushed him petting his hands.

“Don't worry my boy, if you are okay with it we can adopt you. I’ll propose this solution to them. Okay?

\- A-adopt me? That.. that would mean..” Junhong looked at Yongguk-hyung who stood up suddenly and I had to hold him back by his arm while Yongnam did the same on his other side.

“Daejung already proposed that!” he groaned annoyed but Himchan's mother dismissed him with a flip of her hand.

“Daejung already has Youngjae-kun, and we don't hold same position in society. Junhong has no link to their world like Youngjae-kun had.” Junhong looked down to his lap when he heard the cold tone of Himchan's mother while she scolded his Hyung. But eventually he had to look up when she hold up his chin. “Don't listen to what this self-centered kid babbler. The choice is yours Junhong-kun, alright? You promise me you'll think about it seriously?”

I pulled on Yongguk-hyung’s arm to get his attention off the two, dragging him a bit apart, “Hyung you should let Junhong by himself sometimes.

\- I don't want to.

\- I know you don't want it but..

\- And he doesn't want it either.

\- Of course he's still so young. But how do you want him to grow up and stand for himself if you don't do that?

\- It's simple.” He finally turned his face to me and he got his twin attention on him as well. “I don't want him to grow up. It's okay if he stays the way he is right now.” I shook my head releasing him and he instantly went back to Junhong sitting between him and Himchan's mother. Looking at my side I could feel Yongnam’s eyes on me and I tilted my head looking back at him.

“Is something wrong?

\- Is that what you do with Youngjae?

\- Of course.

\- I mean. Is that what you would do with Youngjae if he didn't do it already by himself. Taking his distance with you?

\- I guess I would at some point.” I smirked at him and left Yongnam by himself with his thoughts. When I joined the group Himchan was being shaken by his mother as she tried to get him on her side to convince Junhong she was a good mother. I came to stand behind her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders to hug her. “Of course you are.” I cheered and she smiled happily. “The best mother on Earth.” I emphasised making her blush and I turned to Himchan. “Am I wrong, Hyung?

\- I only have this mother how do you want me to know?” he groaned, not wanting to agree with me or he would hear about that for the next ten years, but he also knew better than to disagree as she indeed was the best one out there.

“I never knew mine so… for me she’s the best.” I replied releasing his mother and sitting next to her, I glanced at Yongguk-hyung. They all followed my eyes and looked at him. 

“What? Are you expecting me to agree while she's trying to steal Junhong from me?” he retorted slipping his arm in Junhong's back.

 

**YOUNGJAE POINT OF VIEW**

“You're so mean !!!” We could hear Himchan's mother complaining. We looked at each other with Jongup escaping a laugh before we got in the room joining the rest of the band.

“Finally you're here Jonguppie! My savior!” Himchan’s mother said standing up suddenly and I joined Daehyun’s side, sitting where Himchan's mother had been. 

“What did I miss ?

\- A lot.” Daehyun smirked to me and I introduced my elbow to his ribs as he didn't want to give more details. “Come on Jae, just catch the story partway through, I'll let you know what you missed once it's over.” He nodded toward Junhong rubbing his side. Himchan's mother was now pouring some tea to the poor Jongup who was trying to refuse politely. Which truth had to be said, never worked with her.

“I'll have to go back as soon as Mr Kim arrives.” He shook his hands still trying to refuse the tea even though it was now already in the cup, cooling down while waiting to be drank.

“Why can't you stay with us Hyung?” Junhong asked out from innocence and I bite my lower lip in excitement. It was now it started, next to me I felt Daehyun getting as excited as I was. A silence followed Junhong's question, putting him ill-at-ease while we were all looking at him before the eyes of our assembly moved to Jongup. It was now his turn to feel ill-at-ease. Everyone knew why he couldn't stay, but it had never been said out loud.

“You.. you know why.” Jongup forced a chuckle out and it was really interested to see him in a tight situation as he always seemed so confident. He was now being taken on a path he never walked on by the most inoffensive boy out there. Everybody looked back at Junhong who shook his head and now the ball was on Jongup's side. 

“M-my parents.. and well.. pretty much everybody out there in the garden don't know about me being friend with the Kim Him Chan.

\- Don't call my name this way. It makes me sick.” Himchan got in the play, intercepting the ball on its way to Junhong so now it became an exchange between the two.

“I bet on Himchan. He'll have the last word in this.” I heard Daehyun whispering next to me and I knew he was talking to me, as everyone was too engrossed in the discussion going on between the two, no one was paying attention to us.

“Call. I bet on Jongup… but what do we bet?” I asked back Daehyun but he didn't got the time to reply me as the discussion got fired up.

“I'm sorry Hyung.” Jongup apologized to Himchan which made him angrier even as he stood up while Jongup turned heels to leave.

“Yah! Kim Him Chan! Is that a way to treat your friend?” Himchan's mother interfered but he ignored her walking in the opposite way Jongup had, straight toward his room. “Where do you think you're going to young man?” she burst after him, her hands shaking but Himchan gave no answer. 

“I'll get him back here.” Yongguk-hyung said standing up and patted Himchan's mother's shoulder walking past her, he was followed by Yongnam which wasn't auguring anything good. She sighed letting herself fall back in the chair, I got nearer to her rubbing her back up and down. 

“I'm tired of this … every year is the same.” She sighed her hands supporting her head as she massaged her temples.

“Ahh.. what have you done Junhong-ah ?” Daehyun sighed loudly trying to make our younger feel guilty, which apparently worked as he looked completely stunned by everything which just happened. 

“Me?” he asked in disbelief and, with Daehyun, we both nodded at him. “I'm sorry!” he apologised standing up suddenly. “I'll put everything right back in order!” he gasped making his way toward Himchan's room after his Hyungs. 

We looked at him and then listened to his steps echoing until we couldn't hear anything. Daehyun moved up his hand, facing his palm to me which I high fived. “What are you two up to again?” we heard Himchan's mother sighing, yet a point of amusement was hearable in her voice. 

“Us?” I asked that innocently I could have make myself believe a halo had appeared above my head. “Nothing. Nothing.” I tried to smile as innocently, but it didn't seem to convince her that much because of the brow she raised up at me.

This year's party promised to be interesting. Really interesting.

 

**YONGGUK POINT OF VIEW**

“Channie…” I was hitting against the door to his room when my twin joined me. “Open the door.” I asked him and my brother started to hit against his door as well. Suddenly it flung open leaving us knocking into the air a few times as we blinked at our shortest friend facing us.

“It wasn't locked you two dumbass!” He huffed still holding onto the handle to prevent himself from shaking from rage. 

“I know.

\- We know.” My brother added and I nodded at this.

“I asked you to open the door, never said it was because it was locked.” I explained stepping forward while he rolled his eyes at me, I hold his hand carefully so he would release the handle and I lead him to his bed while Nam closed the door behind us.

“I'm sick of this situation.” Himchan sighed and we both sat by his sides, Nam gluing himself to him way more than I did on my side. I petted his head.

“Yet you're not doing anything to change it.

\- What do you want me to do? It would only embarrass Jongup if I tried even to just look at him in front everyone.

\- And Jongup thinks the exact same way in his corner. You're both not going anywhere like this.” Nam sighed slipping his arms around Himchan to pull him into a hug.

“What are you doing ?” Himchan tried to free himself from my twin’s lock and as always I was put aside. Out of jealousy I slipped my fingers through his hair before holding tight on it to make him look at me. Not that I had the same feeling I did have for Junhong toward Himchan, but to have him between my brother and me, the relationship of the three of us had always been complexed feelings.

“Ahem.” I snapped out of my thoughts, my lips being only inches away from Himchan's one as he was struggling to get out of our grap, Nam’s hand was on his smooth skin caressing his stomach. We both turned annoyed toward the door, glaring at whoever was interrupting us. “Can you release Himchan-hyung now?” Junhong asked and the second after we had let go of Himchan. 

Nam stood up annoyed and kissed Junhong's cheek as he passed by him making me stand up suddenly, ready to go after him. “Nam!” I burst after him so he could hear me even from the corridors. 

“Hyung.” Junhong called my name and I felt his little hand holding onto mine.

“Junhong…” my voice was way softer when I addressed myself to him, how would I be able to explain him what just happened? Was he angry after me? But here he was holding my hand and looking at me with a kind and understanding look. “About that..

\- It's okay Hyung.” He smiled so gently. I cupped his face and pecked his lips, caressing his cheeks with my fingers. “Hyung can you…” he had to stop me to get our activity further by pulling backward. I noticed him looking at Himchan and back at me. “I'd like to speak with Himchan-hyung… alone.” He said softly and I nodded, giving him a last kiss on his forehead before leaving and closing the door behind me.

 

**JONGUP POINT OF VIEW**

I ran through the cold corridor leading outside, the opposite way I just came by minutes ago with Youngjae. When I reached the bench outside at the end of the garden, the kids I had left were still here. They stood up when I got nearer.

“Is everything alright ?” they asked shyly, a hint of worry in their voice. 

“Yeah…” I wiped my eyes and my face, patting firmly my cheeks once to get back to my senses. “Let's go, it should start soon.” I told them making my way toward the party where everybody was waiting for the mayor. Of course, I knew he wouldn't be here in the next seconds, but I didn't wanted for the kids to question me about what happened with Himchan-hyung. 

 

**DAEHYUN POINT OF VIEW**

“Good evening Gentlemen!” Himchan's father cheered when he got in the living and looked around as he high fived all of us passing by us. “So where is the little one?” he smiled brightly to Yongguk-hyung.

The mayor was this type of Korean, the one who looked too perfect to be real. On this point he fitted perfectly his wife, the mix of both of them had created Himchan. He had his father's mouth and character, but inherited his mother's eyes. The man had build up his empire by himself. One day he had came out of nowhere, a big fortune had moved in the city and soon, the richest people around had wanted to get nearer to him. He had claim the most beautiful woman out there as his, and now people had grew that found of him, he had become the mayor. Of course, I learned everything through my father who, as everyone else, had made himself a friend of the powerful man. 

“With Himchan.” Yongguk-hyung replied and Himchan's father nodded probably understanding everything without needing any explanation. He bent forward toward his wife to kiss the top of her head. 

“Well we can't wait for them eternally.” he clapped in his hands but I poured tea for him while Youngjae patted the seat beside us.

“Come on Byung Hun. They can wait a little longer.” I smirked handing him his cup of tea. 

“Don't call me by my name, only your father can.” He sighed giving in as he sat down grabbing his cup and sipping on the hot beverage. “I wish I had come sooner so I could have seen Jonguppie.

\- You will be able to see him at the party.” Himchan groaned stepping in the room and first thing he did was to walk up to his mother to embrace her apologizing. He could complain all he wanted about her, but he couldn't stay upset with her longer than a few minutes.

Junhong was following after him and he stopped when he met eyes with Himchan's father. “You're scaring Junhong-kun!” his wife complained slapping her husband’s arm as he stood up to go greet Junhong.

“I hadn't done anything ... yet!” he complained, now standing in front Junhong he hold up a hand which Junhong hasten to shake greeting him. “It's nice to meet you Junhong. 

\- The pleasure is all mine!” Junhong burst out bowing a few times before Himchan's father stopped him. 

“Please stop that. Himchan's friends are like my sons, so welcome in the family. Please feel at ease with us.

\- I'm not sure I can do that…” Junhong mumbled which made Himchan's father to chuckle. 

“I hope you'll soon feel at ease enough.” He released Junhong's hand to pat the top of his head, turning back to us. “So, is everyone ready?” anytime he wanted to cheer his troops he always clapped in his hands, which he did to motivate us, inviting us to move back to the garden.

 

**HIMCHAN POINT OF VIEW**

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to our annual Party. I hope you'll enjoy yourself. Let the party begin.” Another clap of his hands, but this time it was for the workers to hasten themselves to serve our guests drinks and snacks. Also the quatuor whom had installed themselves while we were busy inside started to play some classical songs after a mini firework show.

My parents had never knew how to do things simply. It always had to be … too much. I never understood how they could like this kind of event, and for it to be recurrent every year. As far as my memories brought me back, I had always hated it. I sighed rubbing my temples, fighting the urge to throw up in front everyone. The good point would be of course that no one would like to get near to me if ever it happened. While my parents made their way to some guests, I felt a hand on my shoulders. “Is everything alright Hyung?” 

Junhong looked completely lost and so out of place, just by looking at him it felt like a bowl of fresh hair. “Yeah… I just feel a bit nauseous.” I confessed and he nodded slightly.

“You need to eat a bit, I guess you hadn't ate anything all day long.” He pulled me by my arm to lead us toward the buffet. “There's so much food, and many I never tasted…” he licked his lips as his eyes roamed over every plates in front us, I wasn't sure if he was informing me or commenting to himself.

“You can take as much as you want.” I chuckled, the second after a plate full of food had appeared into Junhong's hands.

“You won't be able to eat everything.” Yongguk pointed out getting near us and stole some bites from Junhong's plate.

“Hyung! Don't steal my food after you left me by myself!” Junhong huffed moving his plate at the opposite way of his boyfriend whom only chuckled at his cuteness.

“You weren't by yourself, Himchan was with you.

\- But you promised me you wouldn't leave my sides…

\- Alright, I'm sorry.” Yongguk’s smile was this kind of smile he never did before he met Junhong. He caressed Junhong's pouting cheeks.

“Don't flirt in the open like this.” I rolled my eyes at them and Yongguk smirked at me.

“Jealous?

\- So. What was that important you had to leave Junhong's sides?” I changed the subject, not wanting to follow Yongguk on whatever path he wanted to lead me to. Talking about Jongup was the last thing I wanted to do in this party.

“The manager of the building company my father wanted us to invest in.” Yongguk nodded toward the man Yongnam was talking with by now.

“How is he?

\- He talks well. But I guess for now we will have to see what he can really do…” Yongguk sighed looking back at me. “I'm leaving this kind of shit to Yongnam.

\- What shit don't you leave to your brother…” I mumbled which made our young boy chuckle, and he was soon followed a girly one.

“Young Master…” I heard a woman calling me which made me froze instantly, a shiver ran down my spine as I slowly turned round to look at the person disturbing us, a woman, well fed, with her daughter, well fed as well, a forced smile plated over their faces and false laughs escaping the fat serving as their throat. I looked at them with an annoyed look, trying to make them understand they were not wanted here.

Looking back at the garden, a line had started to form, all waiting to have a talk with me. It was all because I had remain at the same spot more than five minutes, I hadn't been able to avoid them. Once there was one, another one would follow and if I listened to all of them I would spend the evening being introduced to girls I didn't want to hear about. They all tried to marry their kid to me, I liked it more when they were trying to introduce them to my parents, whom had kindly hand over the baby to me, saying that if I wanted to marry a girl I should be the one to decide…

What a lovely idea. This was one of the many reasons I didn't like to hang around my family's domain. There was none other in my heart than this stupid kid, they were all losing their time and my precious one as well. I glanced at Yongguk trying to get help from him but he was too much engrossed in introducing each kind of food to Junhong.

“I hope that you are doing well.” I would be doing so much better if you weren't trying to talk to me. “I'm not sure if you remember us, but I introduced my daughter to you last year.” She kept babbling as I wasn't replying to her.

“I don't.” My tone was as cold as ice which made Junhong to blink up at me and the woman, I noticed Yongguk whispering something in his ear and Junhong frowned, nodding as he licked off whatever had been on his fork.

“Ah? Ah! Of course ha ha ha! There's so much people around you … it's not easy to remember each and everyone.” She forced a fake laugh out clearly disappointed she hadn't stand out from the others. I knew she had found me impolite, but I cared less what she could think about my behavior, look at her, it wasn't like she could complain about it if she wanted to win me over.

“Well, here is-” she started talking again, pushing her daughter in her back so she would take a step forward, as though I hadn't seen her clearly enough. 

“Excuse me, but I'd like to not let my friend by himself. I invited him for the first time here and I wouldn't want him to believe I'm ignoring him.” I cut her, bowed my head slightly and walked toward Junhong. Linking our arms together I pulled him a bit afar, not waiting for the woman's answer. 

“Don't hold back because of me Hyung…” Junhong smirked to me as I kept pulling him further again and I heard Yongguk chuckling in our back as he followed us, also blocking whoever tried to get near us.

“If you want to go talk to then I'm not holding you back.” I mumbled and Junhong bumped his shoulder into mine to cheer me up I guess. 

“But why are they all after you like this?” he questioned taking a glance at the people scattering around, eyeing me and waiting for any occasion to catch my attention. “I mean… they're already rich and all.

\- There's also my family's reputation they'd like to have.

\- They should learn how to live as themselves.

\- Amen.” Yongguk commented and I laughed shaking my head. Coming from the innocent mouth of Junhong, it sure sounded stupid, but it felt good to see I wasn't the only one to think they looked stupid taking themselves so seriously. My shoulders felt lighter and I took in a deep breath.

“I wish it was over already.” I mumbled looking at Junhong who was checking the crowd as thought he was looking for someone.

“But it just started Hyung…” he replied me absent-mindedly being too absorbed in his task.

“I hope you're not looking for Jongup…

\- I'm not. I'd just like to see the friends I made last time I came. They must be here.

\- I don't think it would be a good idea to-” but he wasn't listening to me anymore. He escaped an “ah!” before he put down his empty plate on the table and made his way through the crowd. I blinked at him not believing what he was doing and Yongguk followed after him, leaving me by myself. Yongguk turned his head around as he walked to check on me, a smirk spread over his stupid face as I raised an eyebrow at him. I was speechless. I knew what this smirk meant as some people were already trying to make their way to me, bringing me some glass of champagne. If I didn't want to deal with them, I had to tag along.

This was really a bad idea.

The more I stepped into the garden until I caught back Yongguk, I could feel people's eyes on me and whispering between them. I focused on Yongguk’s back, looking at nothing else than his back. I could have look for Nam or Daehyun and Youngjae, but I didn't hold enough confidence in doing so. If by misfortune I came to catch a guest’s eyes I would be doomed. I felt like being surrounded by vultures.

“Yo!” Junhong greeted the kids who had their eyes stuck on either me or Yongguk. Now that I was standing nearer to them than last time in my car, I looked carefully at their face which I never did before. There was no use for me to remember the face of the people who annoyed me. But according Junhong's say, these kids were good ones and that's only now that I noticed Jongup was with them. This party was getting worse and worse.

“Junhong!” The girl with short hair was the first one to greet him and I noticed her glancing and smirking to another guest. “So you remember us?

\- Why wouldn't I? 

\- I don't know… you have a lot of friends…” she looked up at my face before focusing back on Junhong, her face getting redder and the sound of her voice decreasing by every word spoken.

“Well I do remember you're this weird.” Junhong joked and the girl puffed out her cheeks, probably not daring to say anything in front of us, but her behavior gave no doubt she would have been doing something else if we weren't there. 

“So you're the ones who took care of my Junhongie when he was lost.” Strange enough, Yongguk smiled, nicely, to the kids as he wrapped his arm around Junhong's shoulders. They didn't dare to say anything to him but nodding.

As they exchanged words, I noticed one of the two boys to keep looking at me then at Jongup, as if trying to find any hint that we knew each other. I frowned at him, had they heard anything or knew anything ? When he looked back at me again he stopped, and looked down to his feet. “Don't scare my friends Hyung.” Junhong scolded me.

“I didn't-” I stopped looking at each of the kids who were looking at me scared, I hadn't done anything beside standing here not saying a word, not something that could gave them a reason to be scared. Looking at Jongup I noticed his eyes were slightly red. “Did you cry?” I couldn't hold myself back from asking him and I swear I could have heard even the music to stop playing as soon as I started to talk to the /beggar/ as they called him.

 

**JONGUP POINT OF VIEW**

As soon as I had noticed Junhong walking toward us, I knew he hadn't seen the message text I had send him.

“Look he's coming.

\- oh my God, he's really coming. He's coming. How do I look?

\- What should I do?

\- What should I say?

\- They're not coming for us right? Yes? No?” the kids were panicking, and even though I wasn't showing it out in appearance, I was literally shitting myself right at the moment. The whispers grew louder the more Himchan-hyung got nearer to us. If I hadn't been with the kids I guess it would have been okay, even though they were not from the richest blocks it was still higher than mine. I tried to get away discreetly but one of the boy grabbed my sleeve and I heard him begging me to stay because otherwise it would be too weird.

“It'll be weirder if I stay.” I whispered to him checking at the guests who were glaring at me, sending threats through their mind, urging me to move away from Himchan-hyung because I was not worth sharing same space as him. 

But it was too late now.

 

They all looked at me and Junhong stepped in front of me. “Hyung.” He called me giving me a worried look but I smiled to him to reassure him.

“Don't worry Junhong-ah. I'm all fine.” I said but he was being pushed away, gently, yet firmly, by Himchan-hyung who was now facing me. He cupped my face frowning and wiped my eyes as though there were tears, but it was already dry, even by the time they had come out to launch the party.

“Him… Young Master? What are you doing ?” I knew we were screw but I still tried my best to act as though I didn't know what was going on. 

“Don't call me like this, please.” Even I was shocked he would ask me this kindly, yet also this desperately. So I nodded.

“Don't worry Himchan-hyung I'm okay.” I forced a smile but I felt my eyes getting teary. All those years spent hiding from any eyes to see us speaking together or even just exchanging glances, everything got back to strike in at this moment.

“You're not. I'm sorry. I didn't want to cause you troubles. But I want even less to make you sad, or worst, crying.” Himchan-hyung bit his lower lip as he let go of my face to hold my hand instead. Without any warning he dragged me through the garden, the opposite way he just came from. People starred at us, but for once I really didn't minded it. If it didn't bother Hyung anymore, then I gave no shit to it. All I could see now was his back in all his glory. A few gasps reached my ears as I stepped into his house but once the door was closed behind us everything went silent around, the agitation of the crowd being far from us. We were safe. For now.


	60. After party

**JONGUP POINT OF VIEW**

Himchan-hyung stopped to walk once we entered his room, I knew he wanted to be far from the guests in the garden, but they wouldn't have follow us until here. We stood there awkwardly silent, holding each other's hands as we tried to process everything that happened and the consequences we would have to face afterwards.

“So… what now?” I asked and pinched my lips as I felt him tensing. He released my hand and went to sit on his bed.

“I don't know, we didn't talk about this far…” he said holding his face into his hands and I approached his bed to sit next to him.

“Talk? With whom?” I asked but instead of answering me he simply shook his head. “Was … it … someone else's idea ?” Slight disappointment could be heard in my voice. I had felt beyond happy because I did thought everything had been coming from him. Making me wonder if he ever would do this much for me on his own.

“Junhong…” At least it wasn't Yongnam’s idea. I hated the idea of Himchan-hyung being manipulated by Yongguk-hyung’s twin.

“I see… what was the plan?

\- To introduce some kids to me.

\- And?

\- That's all.” He mumbled and I chuckled at this. Himchan-hyung was giving me the emotional rollercoaster ride since the beginning of the party. Once again, I was thrilled that Himchan-hyung had taken action upon his own feelings. To know it hadn't been planned beforehand, I felt lucky. 

“That's not funny at all!” Himchan-hyung scolded me but I couldn't stop smiling. Cupping his face I leaned forward to kiss him. He stay stunned for a few seconds before he also cupped my face, but at contrario he tried to keep me at distance. “Jongup! It's not the time for that. 

\- Really? What is it the time for right now then?

\- You should be worrying about how to get out of this mess.

\- What is there to worry about? I'm with you right now and that's all I need.” My cheeks started hurting because I kept smiling too much. Himchan-hyung sighed dropping his hands to my shoulders as I moved back nearer to him.

I wanted to touch him and to feel him, as a warranty that all of this wasn't a dream.

Lifting up his shirt a bit I slipped my hands under so I could caress the skin of his stomach. My lips were on his neck and I sucked his skin, making sure to leave some marks. My marks.

“Y-yah!” Himchan-hyung gasped as he had a movement backward. I smiled innocently at him as he moved a shaking hand to cover the part of his neck which had been reddened by my teeth. “Why did you bite me?” he asked me and I pushed his shoulders down so he would lie on his back and I sat across his legs. He looked at the palm of his hand in which a bit of his blood was.

Taking his hand into mine, I licked the little of blood which was on it before intertwining our fingers, I pinned down his hand next to his head on the mattress and moved back to his neck. I rubbed my tongue over his sensible skin, he was so fragile and breakable. I hadn't the feeling I had been rough while sucking on his neck, but again it reminded me how careful I had to be with him.

“J-jongup talk to me” his breathing pace got faster as I moved my free hand to his crotch, massaging him through his tight pants.

“Why? Your voice is perfect.” I answered him as he asked me to, pulling away from his neck and I pecked his lips.

“We shouldn't be doing that right now. What if someone come look after us?

\- Why would they?

\- To bring us back to the party.

\- You want to go back there?” I asked and he shook his head avoiding my eyes. “Then I'm not letting you go back if you don't want to.” According to his light blush and his shy smile, I guessed he liked what he was hearing.

To have him below me, shying away from my words yet remaining in place because he wasn't sure what he wanted, and he had done that much on his own already I had to take the lead for the end of the evening. I would be the one to decide what he wanted and didn't wanted. For now, he wanted the same thing as me.

So I released him to unzip his pants which I pulled down to his knees. It was too damn tight to get rid of it without struggling with it, but right now I didn't want to loose any second with his clothes, as long as it wasn't in the way anymore, I didn't care. “What are-” I slipped two fingers in his mouth while I also unzipped my pants, just enough so I could slip my own hand in to take out anything I needed to make him feel good.

“Suck.” I ordered him and he complied, he was so obedient it got me more excited than ever. With his two hands he hold onto my wrist, like a baby holding on the bottle which was feeding him. I looked at him amazed while I ran my hand up and down my shaft. Then I decided that was enough, pulling it away, I replaced my fingers by my tongue while I pressed my wet index into him. 

He clenched his round muscle around my finger, but that wasn't what would prevent to get my way with him. “Hyung, you have to relax.” I whispered through my kiss, forcing in the second finger.

“H-had you lock the door?” He asked turning his head toward the door and I kissed his cheek.

“I don't remember.

\- It's not.” He commented looking at the lock being in the wrong way. “Please.” he hold onto my wrist to prevent me for pushing it back in.

“Alright.” I complied removing myself off him and I walked to the door, I heard him moving behind me while I locked said door. Turning around I noticed he had removed both his pants and underwear, only keeping his shirt on. “Happy?” I asked pointing at the locked door and he nodded, looking down he spread his legs.

My boner quivered at the view and the next second I was pulling up his legs, resting it against my chest, his feet on each side of my head as I pressed the head of my cock into his brown eye. Leaning forward until my lips caught his, I pressed myself into him. I noticed him holding onto the sheet beneath him and he didn't answered back my kiss the same way he did minutes ago, his jaw being too tight for that. “Are you okay Hyung?” I asked fighting the urge to pound into him, like a kid would learn how to fight the urge to pee himself when he starts to learn how to hold back until he reaches the toilet seat.

Himchan-hyung nodded, yet I knew it wasn't true. “You're so pretty Hyung.” I whispered pecking his lips, rolling slowly my hips in a round motion, his breath getting cut each time I would push forward. Through the few times we did it already, I got to learn a bit more each time. Like, Himchan-hyung liked to be praised this way, it made him feel relax as though he wasn't at ease with his own body. When it was easier to move, I also grabbed the sheets beneath him at his head level so I could put a bit more strength in my lower part, his leg fall from my shoulder to rest on my arm as he was losing any control he tried to keep. Like keeping his voice low. 

“You don't want anyone to hear Hyung?” I asked in between thrusts and he had to bring his hand to his mouth to bite in so no sounds would come out. “I'd like for everyone to know who you belong to.” I smiled to him but he avoided my eyes, letting his head fall on the side and replacing his hand in his mouth by the corner of the nearest pillow he managed to grab, I got the thing he wasn't agreeing with it.

The more he was relaxing, the faster I could go and soon there wasn't any break time between the cracking sound of the mattress from when I would push in or pull out. Even our breath got mixed up and there wasn't any rhythm to follow anymore. It was only about feeling good at a certain point, not knowing if it was from the friction or for when I would be fully embedded into him, my balls slapping against his ass because of the speed.

“I-I can't… no more” Himchan-hyung sighed, his face as red as if he just ran a 10 km marathon and his forehead drowning under so much sweat. But I shook my head, I hadn't got what I wanted from him, and I wanted to give it to him now.

“Hold on a bit longer Hyung.” I told him but he too shook his head, refusing to obey by principle, yet complying because he certainly knew I wanted the best for him. I tried different angles, and when I felt his legs tensing suddenly and his head bend backward escaping a moan, his back curving off the mattress, I knew I found what I was looking for. 

“Again a bit more Hyung, you can do it.” He hadn't even the strength to contest me anymore or to hold back himself more, I tried to remember the way I did it and tried again. Then I got the same reaction over and over again until he ejaculated over his own stomach, his hole twitching around mine. Pinching my lips I tried to focus on the way to thrust in and out of this mess, as I went through my own orgasm.

Time stopped for a few seconds of ecstasy as we looked into each other's eyes. As my muscles relaxed I leaned forward to steal a kiss from his lips. “What are we going to do?” he asked after kissing me back and I let myself lean completely over him, embracing him into my arms. “I don't know about that. The only thing I know is that I'm going to protect you no matter what.”

 

**YOUNGJAE POINT OF VIEW**

I opened my mouth to let a pastry pass through my lips, but the little time I had to close it back on it, it got stolen by the evil. 

“I'm here to claim my prize.” The evil told me munching my pastry and I felt a hand on my ass which I slapped right away before anyone could see us.

“What prize?” I had no other choice than to turn back toward the table and to grab another pastry. 

“You of course.” I felt his hand closing around my wrist trying to prevent me from eating. I blinked at him.

“But what are you talking about?” I complained leaning forward to eat my cupcake as I knew I couldn't win against him. His hand was now on my jaw to make me look at him. Seriously, what was his problem preventing me to eat ?

“Didn't we bet on who would have the last word.

\- Oh that…

\- Yeah that.” He sighed and grabbed the cupcake from my hand to let it fall on the table before pulling me away from the buffet.

“But well… I got the thing you wanted me…but...” I stumbled after Daehyun as he dragged me through the crowd toward the exit gate. There, his car was waiting for us. My body reacted on his own and I pulled on the other way, trying not to get anywhere near this car, knowing where it would take us. Daehyun stopped looking at me.

“What's wrong?

\- Shouldn't we warn that we're leaving ?” I gulped saliva with some difficulties as I looked around, looking for Yongguk-hyung of even Himchan's parents. Looking back at Daehyun he was showing me message text he had sent to Yongguk-hyung which only said ‘we're going’. 

“Let's go.” He dragged me to his car and opened the door for me but I still wasn't climbing inside. “Youngjae?” Even though it had ended not so badly the last time I went to his place, I was still reluctant to go there. Years of harassment couldn't go away like this. I felt Daehyun’s hand on my back, pressing it slightly inviting me to get in the car which I finished by complying to.  

Daehyun sat next to me and closed the door after him. “Where are we going?” I asked, tensing on my seat looking through the window on my left.

“What you… we're going home.” I heard him replying on my right side.

“What home…

\- What do you mean what home ?

\- We live in different place. Is it your home… or my home…” I mumbled, not feeling so safe because not knowing what mood Daehyun was into and if he would go upset within a second. He didn't replied yet and I felt his hand on my own before he intertwined our fingers together. I looked down to our hand before up to his face. He smiled.

“We're going home.” he simply said without adding any details. I looked into his eyes, looking for any hidden motive, trying not to cede to panic. He rose both eyebrows approaching his face to mine as he looked back into my eyes. “Hmm?” he still was smiling which reassured me and I squeezed his hand.

“It's nothing.” I smiled back to him before leaning backward as I rested my head against the backrest looking at him. He sat on his side facing me and rested his head on the backrest as well. “What will come next ?

\- A huge mess.” I laughed at his comment, “What?

\- Couldn't you at least say something like everything's gonna be alright… or I don't know… something reassuring.

\- You're smart Youngjae. It's not like a lie would reassure you, would it?

\- … you're right.” I chuckled and we went silent for a few seconds looking at each other. “Junhong is making a mess our lives. 

\- It's not like it wasn't already before.” Daehyun shrugged and I looked down to our hands, wondering if it would have been the same without Junhong joining our group. Would we have went on with our lives as they were. “Stop it.” Looking up, Daehyun  was looking sadly at me.

“What?” I asked but instead of replying me, he leaned forward to press his lips against mine, his free hand moving to my cheek to caress it. He stayed still, his eyes being closed while I kept looking at him. Finally, he opened his eyes first before pulling slightly away and rested his forehead against mine.

“Stop over thinking. It's not making you any good.

\- oh… and what would be ?

\- I can.” he smirked and I shook my head at his silliness. 

“Daehyun.

\- Hm?

\- Can we go to my apartment instead?” I asked squirming on my seat which Daehyun noticed, his eyebrows had a movement of frowning, like a tic. 

“Youngjae… are you stressed going home ?” I squirmed even more avoiding his eyes. “Youngjae?

\- It's okay… forget it.

\- Youngjae tell me.

\- No, I'm not stressed. It's just… it's not really a place filled with good memories for me.

\- I know.

\- You know? Then why you ask or want to bring me there?

\- Because we need to make new memories there.” My jaw stayed tight as I nodded slightly. Daehyun’s hand was now on my neck and he pulled my head down toward to his crotch, and on my side I had no will to fight back. “Rest, I'll wake you up once we're there.” His voice was gentle as he leaned my head on his thighs, moving up my legs on the seats, I curled up and closed my eyes while his long fingers brushed through my hair. My eyes stayed closed but I couldn't sleep. Even though Daehyun was being gentle right now, once we would reach his place, I wasn't so sure he would stay as he was.

When the car slowed down, I felt Daehyun’s fingers caressing my cheek as to wake me up smoothly, but I hadn't been sleeping. “We're home” I sat up and Daehyun held my hand again, the driver was already out opening the door for us and we left the luxurious car so we could stand in front the huge mansion. I squeezed Daehyun’s hand who squeezed mine back before walking into the house. 

I followed after him, meeting only the top of heads of the workers in the mansion who were bowing to Daehyun as we passed by them. On his side, Daehyun didn't give any attention to them as usual, as I had been in their spot once I knew that for him they were part of the furniture. 

Once we reached his room, he released my hand only once I was sitting on his bed and he went back to the door to lock it before calling for a room service. I wasn't listening to what he was ordering instead, I kept admiring his figure in his black suit. He looked even more like a prince this way and I knew perfectly how Jongup had felt all these years. Looking from afar some perfection which we could never reach. While it had been physical distance between Himchan and Jongup, not being able to see each other, it had been a more mental distance between Daehyun and I. 

“Don't look at me this way.” Daehyun said and I noticed he was done ordering and looking at me through a mirror hung on the wall. I felt shy and looked down to my hands while he approached me to sit next to me on the bed. “Why are you being shy suddenly ?” he chuckled moving a hand to my thigh squeezing it lightly.

“I was just thinking.” I said frowning slightly keeping my eyes on my hands.

“About what?” he whispered in my ear before kissing it and moved down to kiss my neck.

“About how I used to be part of your furniture.

\- What the fuck?” he laughed passing an arm around my shoulders and pulled me down so we would be half lying on the bed our legs hanging over the edge. “You never was.

\- That's not how I felt.

\- I always loved you.” I looked up to his face and he caressed my cheek, in all seriousness. “Since the first time my eyes landed on you.

\- You had a weird way to show it.” He chuckled and forced me into a hug, I let him do as he pleased sighing. “So what you want to do?

\- This.

\- This? I mean. You won the bet and you said I was the prize so…

\- So?

\- There must be something you want to do.

\- Yes this!” I looked at him frowning thinking he was making fun of me but I faced a serious Daehyun. “You being there… back at home.” He sighed happily and I complied to his hug, resting my head against his shoulder. But as when you end by finding the most comfortable position ready to sleep, you have to get up to go pee ; someone knocked on the door, probably the workers bringing up the food Daehyun had ordered. I was ready to stand up but he prevented me to, pushing down on my shoulder so I would stay lying. “You stay here.” He said before kissing my forehead and moved away.

He was back seconds later, holding a cupcake in front my lips. “You looked like you wanted it so badly.” He gave me the sly smile as I blinked at him before biting into the cake he was holding. 

 

**ZELO POINT OF VIEW**

[I forgot to tell you something. We must not talk to each other during the party.]

[Have you well received my last message? Please let me know ASAP.]

I looked at the two messages Jongup-hyung had sent me. I bit down on my lips and Yongguk-hyung leaned against me to check what I was reading on my phone. “So he sent you ones too” he chuckled and moved back to sit straight on his seat.

“Sent what?” Yongnam-hyung asked leaning forward to look at me from the other side of Yongguk-hyung. 

“Jongup-hyung sent me a message to ask me not to come talk to him during the party… maybe I shouldn't have ?” I asked biting my lips once again and Yongguk-hyung patted my head.

“Don't worry everything went all fine.

\- Did it really? Seeing everyone's reaction I had some doubts. 

\- People are never ready for changes. Mostly this kind of people. Don't worry, you were perfect.” Yongguk-hyung smiled patting my knee and I nodded at him, wanting to believe in his words.

“You said /too/ did he sent you something?

\- Yeah, when we were on our way to the party.

\- And you told me nothing ?

\- You were already stressed because we were running late.” He gave me the smile meaning even though we wouldn't have been late for the party, he wouldn't have told me.

“Don't worry Junhong-ah. It was for the best and now that they'll be together, they surely be happier.” Yongnam-hyung said in a serious tone looking through the window. Tilting my head I tried to depict what was it that felt wrong in what he just said. 

“Yet you don't look so happy yourself about it…” I noticed and without warning anyone he unlocked the car's door from inside and started opening it so the driver had to stop the car in the middle of the road. Cars behind us klaxoned while Yongnam-hyung left the car to go walk on the sideway, he hadn't even closed the door after him which Yongguk-hyung did. 

“Keep driving.” He ordered our driver who nodded before focusing back on the road.

“But Hyung!” I looked through my own window to check on Yongnam-hyung but he had already disappeared into the crowd. As I couldn't distinguish him from the mass of people walking, I turned back to Yongguk-hyung who reassured me patting my head.

“Don't worry. He'll get over it.

\- I don't understand. 

\- What don't you understand?

\- I thought Yongnam-hyung wasn’t in love with Himchan-hyung. 

\- Hmm… it's a bit more complicated than this.” Yongguk-hyung said sitting nearer to me as he slipped an arm in my back.

“But will he be alright?

\- He's a big boy. He can take care of himself.” Yongguk-hyung chuckled before he pressed his lips against mine. I got the thing he didn't want to deepen the conversation or even to speak about anything else. I found it admirable the relation he had with his brother. They could part away like this without a word to each other and yet knowing the other would be alright. I wondered if it was a bond only twins could have together or if I would have the same one day with Yongguk-hyung. 

“Hyung…” I could breath out once our lips parted away and he kissed me in my neck. Without looking at him I knew the driver had his eyes on us through his mirror and I felt shy under his look. I couldn't act like Yongguk-hyung and forget completely about the man who was driving us home. So I hold my Hyung's face with both my hands to pull him slightly away and I met with his judging eyes. “Not here” I whispered eyeing quickly toward the driver hoping Yongguk-hyung would understand.

“Are you being shy right now?” he grinned and I frowned before turning my back on him, hoping it would keep him at distance until we got home but that was without knowing how Yongguk-hyung was. No matter when or where it was, if he wanted something he got it. He hugged me from behind and kept kissing me in my neck, biting my skin from time to time and I had to pinch hard on my lips to not let any unwanted sound out.

“Where do you think Yongnam-hyung left to?” I tried to make him talk so I would keep his lips busy with something else than my skin at least until we would be only the two of us. 

“To his boy. That would make sense.” He whispered in my ear and I gasped as I felt his hand on my crotch. I whined not being able to say anything else, I tried to free myself from his arms squirming on my seat but he hugged me tighter the more I tried to move away. “I love you” he whispered as he massaged my groin and I stopped moving, giving up on resisting and ended by enjoying his care. He didn't do anything more than this, repeating these three words, bringing up the pleasure in me and soon I felt crowded in my own pants. We spent an eternity in the car before we reached the apartment.

In the elevator, Yongguk-hyung carefully leaned my back against the wall before pressing our level button. “I want you” he whispered stepping back to me and my inside twirled as he rested his hands on my hips. It was now, it would happen within no time and I was lost in between my will to do it with Yongguk-hyung and the fear of the unknown. “Do you feel ready?” he asked and I kept staring at his lips, avoiding his eyes. 

“I don't know…

\- You trust me?

\- … I do.” I smiled and he nodded before kissing my lips, I was too tensed to even reply his kiss.

“Everything's going to be alright.” as he said those simple words, I relaxed a bit and we exited the elevator. Once we stepped in the apartment I stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room. Would we do it here? Or in the bedroom? Should I be removing my clothes already or should I let him do it? I was completely at loss.

“Don't be so tensed you're making me nervous as well” Yongguk-hyung chuckled and looking at him he came to stand in front of me, he had already removed his coat.

“It's just… I don't know what to do…

\- It's okay. Just do what I tell you.” he smiled and offered me his hand which I gladly slipped mine into. Each step we took felt heavy and he led us to the bathroom. “We need to clean you first” he said and I blinked at him as he released my hand to look for something in the drawers. I motioned a movement to smell at my armpit wondering if I was smelling that bad and Yongguk-hyung laughed at me. “Not this kind of cleaning” he laughed and looking at him I noticed the plastic pear in his hands. “Get into the shower Junhong-ah” he said with a gentle voice and I nodded, starting by removing my shirt as he cleaned the plastic item into the sink. 

Once I was standing nude in the shower, Yongguk-hyung came standing at the outside of it, showing me the plastic pear which he filled with water. “Hold this” he handed me the item before leaving to bring something else. “You will do this on your own next time, okay?” He said putting what I recognised as lube into his palm. I nodded looking attentively every moves of his, “turn around” I turned to face the shower wall and I felt his hand on my ass. He spread my buttcheeks apart and I felt his finger rubbing my hole, spreading something cold on it.

“It's cold…” I commented, trying to stay still as he massaged my rear. It felt so weird, and I felt weirder again thinking he would soon put himself into me.

“I know… you can… when you'll do it you can warm the lube before applying it.” I heard him commenting in my back as he removed his hand from my ass to take the plastic pear from my hands. To me, and from his actions I felt like he was taking his time, but from his tone I could feel some need and the fact he hadn't warm the lube knowing it would feel cold, I understood he wished we were somehow already in bed.

He inserted the plastic tube in my ass slowly, it didn't hurt but as having Yongguk-hyung’s fingers on my anus, it felt weird. “You're okay?

\- Yeah.” I hissed a bit because of the surprise as I felt being filled with warm water.

“Keep it inside a few minutes before going to the toilets. Also… take care of this.” he said pointing to my hard on and I blinked at him.

“Should I?

\- Yeah” he chuckled and left to wash his hands at the sink. “Except if you don't want to last longer than few seconds.” he rose an amused eyebrow at me and I felt stupid for even asking. I nodded and left to the toilets. There I did as Hyung told me to, and once I was done I felt way lighter than earlier. I felt clean, as thought I was pure now even from the inside. I went back to the bathroom but Hyung wasn't here anymore so I took a quick shower.

Taking slow steps to our bedroom I opened it and Hyung was sitting on the bed, only wearing a blue wardrobe. I noticed his hair was a bit wet as well, so he also had been taking a shower, and I wondered if he had also to take care of himself. He looked so handsome and manly sitting this way, a cigarette in between his lips. I closed the door behind me and leaned my back against it. We admired each other as he finished his cigarette, which seemed like taking hours to me before he would smash the little it remained of it in the ashtray on his bedside table. 


	61. Take me ... away

**3RD POINT OF VIEW**

The elder sitting on the bed motioned for the boy to come nearer to him, so the blonde one complied. As they looked into each other's eyes the nearer both became, all the love and lust they were feeling for each other in this right moment could be palpable in the room.

Standing in front his Hyung, Junhong felt vulnerable as Yongguk slipped his fingers in between the towel covering his lower part and his hot skin from his previous shower. The cloth fell on the floor as Yongguk’s hands rested where they were, on Junhong's smooth skin. Leaning forward, he kissed the younger’s stomach and Junhong's hands came to rest on the other’s large shoulders.

No words were exchanged in between the two, but Yongguk didn't need it to make his boyfriend understand what he needed from him right now. Junhong sat next to him, so his lover could kiss his lips before leaning him on his back. The younger cringed a bit at the smoke scent which was resting on his elder, “You smell like cigarette.” Junhong pouted looking at his lover grabbing the lube on the bedside table, and pouring into   
his hand a larger amount than he did for preparing him earlier for the plastic pear. So Junhong knew that what would penetrate him this time would be way different than the small item.

“I just smoked” Yongguk simply said, rubbing his hands together before moving it to his lover's rear. He started by massaging in between the cheeks, spending few times on it before poking the younger’s hole here and there, checking on his reactions.

“I know.” Junhong replied, he never approved for his Hyung to be smoking. Even though he had to agree the scent mixed well with his lover's natural scent, he liked it more for it to not be ruined by something as bad as cigarette. He wished he could know what to do with his hands while his lover stared down at him this way while having his finger moving inch by inch into him.

No need to voice his uneasiness, Yongguk leaned forward to press his lips against Junhong's ones, so he could slip his arms around his shoulders. Now that he had one finger into his boyfriend, Yongguk moved it in and out while trying to add another one in.

Junhong's fingers curled on his lover's back as he was preparing him, cringing and getting tensed thinking the second finger would never go in, so not talking about his own boyfriend. “Relax, everything is going to be alright” the deep voice of his whispering boyfriend was a great help, and even though his fingers were still curled from the tension, Junhong relaxed his legs and tried to open up, just to see.

Yongguk wouldn't let this occasion slip and slipped his second finger inside making his cute lover wince as he pushed his two long fingers into him. He knew the other hadn't done this so he could add a finger in, as he felt his finger being surrounded by his lover's flesh which was trying to push him out. Thankfully the elder knew how his dongsaeng was working and that he wasn't doing it on purpose.

“It… it feels… weird” Junhong tried to put words on what he was feeling, not to say he wanted his boyfriend to stop. Of course, he didn't really want to, it felt more to him like he wanted to jump directly to the part where he heard everybody saying it felt good and making everyone wanting to do it all the time. So far, it wasn't that pleasant.

“Does it?” Yongguk replied, knowing the only way he could make the younger relax was by talking to him, or making him talk. “Look at me.” he told him, at least if he would have his eyes opened he wouldn't have his face being so tensed. If he could ease any part of the body of the other, it would be this at least.

Once again, Junhong complied to what he was being told to do. He had said he would be trusting his lover and it was what was being done. He couldn't help but blushing as his eyes met with his lover's ones while he could feel his fingers moving in his ass. He had it since a moment already, and it was no more something disagreeable once he got used to it, but to have his boyfriend looking at him this way was something he would never be able getting used to. At least while he had his fingers stretching him.

Yongguk could literally feel his young lover shying under his touches, setting his reaction on his first time, he kept going and leaned forward to peck his lips, getting his attention on something else than the third finger he was pushing in, from the tip of his fingers, he was putting some pressures on Junhong's inner walls, making some space for him later. “How is it feeling now?” he asked parting his lips slightly apart from the other.

“Still weird… I can feel your fingers… really well” the confession of the young boy made his elder chuckle in   
amusement and started to fuck the boy with his fingers as he could now move them as it pleased him. The breathing pace of Junhong got jerky even though he tried to breath out when he would feel the long fingers penetrating him, but the sensations it brought him prevented him to remain calm. His body tensed here and there as he started to want more.

The older of the two decided it was enough preparation and, seeing the reaction his lover had now, teasing also. He pulled out his fingers while Junhong looked at him with a lost look on his face, probably wondering what he was doing. But as Yongguk grabbed the condom on his night table, he thought he wouldn't be needing to give the younger any explanation.

Kneeling in front his lover on the bed, he teared opened the small packaged before pulling out the protection which he pinched in its center, he pulled it down on his member giving himself a few strokes as he moved in between Junhong's legs.

The boy felt his stomach becomes heavy and so for his legs, unable he looked at his Hyung above him. What he didn't know was that on the other side, his elder was feeling the same heaviness on his shoulders as he placed his member at the entrance he prepared.

With one hand, Yongguk cupped Junhong's cheek caressing and petting it as he took in a long breath. “You're ready?” he asked pressing really slightly and slowly his erection into his boyfriend's hole. “Wait!” Junhong's breath was cut as he placed both his hands on his lover's shoulders, avoiding his eyes also. Yongguk nodded and didn't make any more moves, but didn't backed away either.

Leaning forward they both claimed each other's lips, and after a few moments of tongue dancing into each other's mouth Junhong gulped down his and his Hyung saliva before speaking “okay… I'm ready” he said as he now was used to have his boyfriend in between his legs. “I'll go slowly” Yongguk reassured him and with one arm leaning on the mattress, his other hand fall down on Junhong's hips as he pressed himself into the other.

Even though the stretching session had helped a lot, Junhong felt like it hadn't been enough as he now could feel the difference between fine fingers and his Hyung's cock. Closing his eyes, he tightened his jaw as though it would help his hyung inside and make the pain leave, even if that would be only for a few seconds of break.

His little lover tightening around him prevented him to get in deeper or even to retire himself, at least not without hurting the other. All he could do and wanted to at the moment was waiting.

Came the time Junhong’s eyes fluttered opened noticing nothing more was happening. It was a bit surprised that he locked eyes with his elder who was looking down over him with a gentle look, a start of smile appeared at the corner of his lips before he cupped the younger’s face to kiss it. “You tell me when I can move” he whispered against his skin and that had the effect to ease the boy who locked his arms around Yongguk’s shoulders. “Now you can Hyung” he breathed out, to have the other within him wasn't something he would get used to so soon.

Yongguk nodded and his hands moved from his other half’s face to envelop his chest instead. As he rolled his hips slowly forward, it was easier, still as difficult a virgin can be, yet still easier than the first thrust. He couldn’t hold back this groan once he was fully in, it came as a relieve one as he pressed his balls against the other’s ass. It had been fast getting full of excitement again even though he did discharge everything before getting to bed.

The sound didn't escape the attention of the boy who was aware of every move and breath of his elder, looking up to him and following any path he would lead him on. He had so much to learn, and so much to ask. Yet so little time between the moment he realised his rear was full of his lover, completely embedded in him, and the moment he was retiring. Breathing was soon an act that didn't sounded as natural as it was supposed to   
be.

Even though the pace was slow, in his opinion at least, Yongguk noticed his boy already struggled to follow him so he decided to lend him a hand. After all, he was the older one and the leader of this dance. Pulling his hands down to Junhong’s hips, he pulled it toward him at the same time he would dig in back. Then pinning it against the mattress as he moved back. “Follow my rhythm” he breathed out as he did this teaching a few   
more thrusts.

Thankful, that's how he felt as he was being taught the way to go through this alive. He wondered what he would do without his Hyung, but thinking this way was quite stupid as he wouldn’t be in such a situation without his lover… and again felt glad the other wasn't in his mind. Fast enough he was being brought back to reality as the one above him was speeding up. He had no other choice than to focus on the feeling being filled   
and emptied in less time he had to think about it.

Now that he was following the flow with more or less facility, he needed him to breath if he didn't want him to succumb too fast. Knowing his first time wouldn’t last all night long, the longest it was the better, even though in the end it would still feel short. Flattening his lips against the ones in front him, he parted away only when he wanted him to breath. But it looked like he had already lost the boy so he decided to let go.

Every now and then he wanted to feel more of it, the pain was still somewhere around but it felt minor by that moment. Whatever this man would do in this moment it would drive him crazy. Junhong couldn’t refrain noises to come out from his mouth. That is was pleasurable moans or calling out the name of his lover. That was all the boy was reduced to in that instant.

The more he kept going, the tighter the boy’s walls caught him, the more pleasurable it became for himself. Their breath got mixed. Junhong’s back bended and raised off the mattress. Yongguk’s abs presses against the stomach of his lover. Both men stopped any moves in a same gasp as dropped of love juice was spreaded within the love pouch and over another one’s skin.

Catching back his breath Yongguk let himself fall slowly and lie next to his boy, hugging him and kissing his temple. Settling his face into the crook of his neck, he took in the scent of his lover. Tonight, had been the so waited night and it was already over. It had been both mesmerizing and scary.

Slowly he looked up as his lover looked down, their eyes met before their lips in a soft and shy kiss. “I love you” one voiced the other’s thoughts.

Yongguk pulled a bit apart the boy, Junhong felt nude and empty, also cold. The fingers entering him were now way colder than his elder, and it was way more bearable than it had been. The boy closed his eyes, letting his head fall on the cushion as he let the other do whatever he wanted with his body. He knew he should be careful and looking after his hyung’s every move but he didn't have the strength to open his eyes even.

Looking at his tired love, Yongguk wore a smile and felt glad the younger couldn’t see him. It could be a simple smile if its holder hadn’t cocky thoughts in this right moment, such as how he managed to wear out the boy. He wanted it again, but he knew it was defended, the boy’s tiredness giving away hints about this impossibility. So, he kept on cleaning both of them so they would sleep in as less cum as possible, knowing that taking the other to the shower was out of question as well. He then threw the condom into the bin once he tied it at its extremity.

After he heard him moving around for too long for his taste, finally his elder’s warmth was back by his sides. Snuggling against him he let Morpheus taking him to the most splendid land, on a boat wearing a mix of manliness and cigarettes’ scent.

Lightening a last one, he enjoyed the smoke running through his nose and mouth as he played with his lover’s curly hair the very same way he did on their first meeting.


	62. My dream is...

ZELO POINT OF VIEW

 

Time is a bitch, but that everybody knows. “It’s time” my Hyung shook me slightly, probably thinking that I hadn’t heard the alarm clock. But that wasn’t because I was keeping my eyes closed that I hadn’t, nor that I was still sleeping. “Wake up” he had come nearer to whisper into my ear, his hand caressing my back trying to tear me out my dream. I was curious what he would do if I didn’t wake up with such gentle manners.

Past the last month, he had let me sleep because of the holidays, letting me wake up alone in the bed. As I tried to keep my face the same, I felt his chin resting on my shoulder right after he kissed my cheek. “Are you listening?” of course I was, but I didn’t let anything through to let him suppose that could be the case. A few seconds passed by before he let out a sight and his arms slipped around my torso, I felt his hot breath against my nape before he rest a kiss in this right spot.

“We’re going to be late” he mumbled in my back, but without motioning any encouraging move that would motivate both of us to get out of the bed. “I know you’re hearing me don’t pretend.” Was that right? Or was he fainting to know just so I would move already? The only way to find out was to keep it the way it was. “Alright, if you want to play, you’ll go by your own means to school and deal by yourself with your teacher if you’re late.” he threatened me but I know it was a big mean ruse.

Yet, few seconds after he said that, he released me and got out of the bed. He wouldn’t leave me behind now… would he? Pouting, I finally decided to open my eyes, quite disappointed that he wouldn’t take it further. I looked at his back, as he was changing and only looked back at me, wearing that big stupid smirk, once he was done. Without saying anything he left the bedroom. What a jerk!

 

“Did you really mean it?” In no time I was sitting in the kitchen as he placed two bowls of porridge on the table, one in front of me and the other one in front his seat.

“Not necessarily.

\- Not necessarily?

\- Hmm…” he nodded without answering my question, a smirk lurking at the end of his lips’ right corner. I grabbed his hand holding his spoon full of porridge before it could reach his mouth.

“Would you have let me get in trouble?

\- Would you have stay in bed?” he replied by another question and I let go of him, not replying his question either as I focused on my own breakfast.

“What’s your first course today?

-Why? Would we stay in bed if I told you it was a boring one?

-Which subject is boring?” he asked chuckling before drinking what remained in his bowl.

“Hmm I don’t know, Literature, Mathematics, History, Physics…” the more I enumerated the more he frowned until he poked my forehead after he put down his bowl once he was done.

“Are you that bored in class?

\- You’re eating way too fast Hyung.” I gave him as a reply as I went back to my own bowl. “Armen’t you bomed too?” I asked, munching my flakes.

“Don’t speak with your mouth full” he slapped the back of my head, standing up to go clean his stuff at the sink, “and no, I’m not. I like to learn new things every day.” He simply replied and left to go first to the bathroom. I blinked at him, urging myself to finish my breakfast, so I wouldn’t let him any chance to leave me behind at the apartment. I joined him at the bathroom to clean my teeth too.

“I’m quite surprised.

-About?

-I always thought you were kind of a rebel, skipping the boring courses and never listening in class, or actually never going to any…” my remark made him smile.

“I don’t want to fail any class, so sorry not to be up to your expectations, but I’m the first of my class.” I dropped my toothbrush learning this new trait from my Hyung.

“Are you really?!” I asked amazed as I had to clean the dirt off my toothbrush.

“Why would I lie?

-I’m not saying you’re lying, but … I don’t know…” and I kept brushing my teeth in silence, observing my Hyung from the corner of my eyes, or his reflect in the mirror when he wouldn’t be looking, trying to see him in a whole new way. Yongguk-hyung, sitting first row at every course, and raising his hand at each and every question the teacher would ask. Then maybe, all my other hyungs would as well, not be as I imagined them to be in class.

 

“You’re not saying any word since earlier.” Yongguk-hyung sighed as I pushed the button to the first floor and the door of the elevator closed.

“And? Is that much strange?” I asked back blinking at him, as he was tearing me out my thoughts.

“Yes. It means you’re thinking too much.” I chuckled but he wouldn’t let go just like this, he kept staring at me which I could never bear. “What are you over thinking about this time?

-Nothing much… I was wondering how the others in class are as well…” he rose up his shoulders, dismissing my concern with this move.

“I don’t know. I’m not in their class.

-But you’re in Himchan-hyung’s one.” I looked at him with expectation, waiting for him to give me more details.

“Yes.

-And?

-And what?

-How is he?

-How do you want him to be? He’s as usual, why would he be different?

-I don’t know… maybe because I am.

-Why are you different in class than you are out of it?” he looked at me suspiciously.

“I don’t know… I’m just… not that invested in class, besides a few courses that I like.

-I don’t understand how you cannot be interested in every class.

-Some teachers are really boring.” I defended myself as I felt annoyed that he wouldn’t understand the simple fact the common mortals aren’t that bright or interested in every discipline.

“Hmm I see. You shouldn’t mind the teachers; your teacher will change over the years, but not the subjects you study.” He said ruffling my hair as the doors opened and we left the elevator.

 

As usual, every worker would bow at Yongguk-hyung as he walked past them, ignoring them. Or maybe he wasn’t. That I could understand for one or two workers. But each and everyone until we reach the car, that would be crazy. On my side, I couldn’t refrain but to bow back to each of them. I rubbed my nape as I sat next to Hyung in the car. I heard him laughing in his corner, and looking at him, I noticed it was me he was laughing at. “What?

-Why do you bow back to each one of them?” he asked with an amused smile on his face as he started to massage my nape.

“I don’t know, maybe because I’m polite!

-Are you meaning I’m not?

-Of course you’re not. You’re a rich kid who grew up not to pay attention to little people around you.

-I really start to wonder what kind of image you have of me.” He laughed shaking his head and I leaned back against him, looking up to him. “They salute me every morning, because it’s only me. But imagine for a second, that I would be greeting back each one of them, knowing they’re about 30 people in less than a 2 minutes’ walk from the elevator to the car. Every. Morning.

-Oh… I didn’t see it like this…” I mumbled looking elsewhere as I started to blush out of shame, which apparently he found amusing because he wrapped his arms around me chuckling again and again.

 

“Junhong. Your face is literally screaming: look. At. How. Happy. I. am. You! Have to tell me everything that happened during holidays!” Wonshik greeted me in the corridors after I parted from Yongguk-hyung to walk up to my friend, and my locker.

“I wanted it to be a surprise, but guess what!

-You did it!

-Yes!

-Did what?” Minrin asked looking at us successively in confusion.

“That.” Wonshik smirked rising up only his little finger from his fist.

“Oh…” she understood right away and her cheek got tainted with pink color. “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” She said disappointed, probably that I hadn’t told her before. .

“Not really…

-You had sex with a girl whom is not your lover?

-No, he means it’s not a /she/.” Wonshik said, wiggling his little finger in front of Minrin’s face as she was now slowly processing the situation.

“You… you know who it is?” she asked in disbelief she had been kept in the dark.

“Of course, I literally welcomed Junhong here and introduced him to our beloved compatriots.

-It’s someone in our school?!

-Yes! It’s-” I prevented Wonshik to say any more words, before it would reach unwanted ears. I looked around and some students, whom had stopped moving, suddenly urged themselves to put some stuff in their bags before leaving the corridor toward their first class. I sighed, releasing Wonshik.

“I don’t really want the whole school to know about this. It could get problematic.

-What do you mean?

-I mean, there are some girls whom are after me.” I started explaining motioning Minrin with my head.

“What?! You think I’m after you?” she looked offended and I rolled my eyes at her.

“No… I mean the girls you got some problems with!

-Ah… yes… sorry…” she rubbed her nape, bowing slightly her head as an apology.

“I do have this kind of girl going after me. I don’t even want to think what it is like for Yongguk-hyung.

-WHAT?! YOU-” I put my finger on my lips, motioning Minrin to keep it shut.

“Shhh!

-Alright, alright. That’s amazing! But yes, you’re right. His fan club is way worse than yours, because, there are not only girls, but boys in it as well. Some students older than we are, and not only our school, students from other schools and overseas… and that would be simple if that was only students…

-What? I didn’t know about that.

-There’s not really a fan club claiming to be one,” Wonshik explained me as we made our way to our first class, “like yours can do. But it’s more like a global consent. Even though he can be scary, a lot are looking up to him. He’s not famous only in our school, but also outside, he’s rich and from the high society, hanging out with celebrities and so on. So yeah, it’s quite something.

-You too knew about this and didn’t tell me anything?

-Well, it was kind of clear to me that you were in his fan club.” He chuckled, sitting down on his seat, and we had to stop our conversation here because the teacher entered in the classroom.

 

“See you later!” I told Wonshik and Minrin leaving my locker, as I made my way to the basement. I’m not sure that it was because I just heard about it, or because we talked about my relationship with Yongguk-hyung in the corridors a few hours ago. But on my way, I felt like every student was spying on me, ready to attack. That each and every one of the students standing in the corridor was part of what would be now referred as Yongguk-hyung’s fan club, and which I imagined to be a mini copy of Daehyun-hyung’s family.

 

Youngjae-hyung was the only one in the basement when I got there, sitting on the couch playing with cards. I stopped a few steps from him, and observed him a bit more carefully than usual. As I wasn’t moving anymore, he moved up his face and parted his eyes from the playing cards in front of him to look at me. “What?” I said nothing and kept observing him. I did know that Youngjae-hyung was the smart type of student. I also knew that the rumor about him already having a job to be waiting for him after school was partly true. He threw his cards on the coffee table and laid back on the couch to stare back at me “what?” In fact, I supposed he had numerous of companies who would like to get him to work for them, so he was spoiled for choice.

“Is the fact you already have a job waiting for you after school, the reason why you’re skipping some classes?

-...well, I wasn’t expecting such a question.” I finally moved and came to sit next to him on the couch, and he patted my knee smiling to me. “First, you’ll learn that the jobs waiting for me will keep waiting even after I’ll be out of this school because it’s not what I want to work in. And secondly, I am excused to assist some classes.

-because you are too smart?

-ha ha, kind of. You do know that I used to have classes after school when I was younger, and also during holidays. That’s what they’re currently learning.

-so when they’re catching up, you…” I looked at the cards in front me.

“You think I’m having fun?

-aren’t you?” I chuckled, picking up a black spades jack.

“Well, as it seems you’re interested in what I’m doing.” He sighed, sitting up and taking the card back from my hands to put it back on the table, right in the place where I had taken it from. “I’m studying on my own, when they’re trying to catch me up in my studies.

-you’re studying with playing cards?” I asked watching him looking for a paper which he handed me. There was different calculations and drawing of cards.

“Probabilities.

-you’re learning probabilities … With cards?

-what’s the probability to get the cards in the exact same order twice or more?

-hmm I don’t know. Very little I suppose.

-it’s even less than this.” He pointed to one formula in particular. “I based myself on the fact that playing cards exist since a bit less than 800 years. Of course it is way older, for cards in general, but a playing set of 52 cards, and just for pure theory, and just because we don’t have the time, you or me, to put it in application. But! That we did mix card games, the same I mean, every second, for eight centuries, so since it exists. We get 8.0658x10^67, this number would contains sixty eight numbers, so around 25 billion combination possible.

-Stop right there, you already lost him.” Someone laughed, and it’s only by now I noticed others had joined us. Daehyun-hyung was already by the fridge digging in, Himchan-hyung and Jongup-hyung were busy checking the cameras and Yongguk-hyung had made his way to sit next to me on the couch.

“He asked me!

-Did you?” Yongguk-hyung asked picking up the exact same card I had taken before.

“Y-yeah… Hyung… why did you take this card?

-why? I don’t know… just like this.

-see?” Youngjae-hyung was poking my side excitedly and grabbed a pen to scribble something on it.

“See what?” Yongguk-hyung asked throwing back the card on the table.

“You’ve taken the same card I did Hyung.” I chuckled, slightly understanding what Youngjae-hyung had tried to explain me, even though I had already forgotten what calculation he just said.

 

“Hyung” I turned to face Yongguk-hyung, “did you know you had a fan club?” Somewhere in the room I heard Daehyun-hyung spitting out whatever had been in his mouth few seconds before, and even Himchan-hyung and Jongup-hyung stopped what they were doing. Only for Youngjae-hyung, for whom it appeared none of us existed anymore.

“It’s not… really what we can call a fan club but… yeah, I heard about them. Why?

-you want to be part of it?” Daehyun-hyung asked laughing; wiping the juice he had spread on the ground.

“No… well... not really. It’s just… we hang out a lot, and… they might think it’s just this but. Would they…

-you think they would annoy you if they learn we’re in couple?” I nodded at his summary, looking at him sighing. “I don’t know. I can’t really tell whose part of this said ‘fan club’.

-Wonshik thought I was part of it.

-well yeah, you see. It’s not something we can clearly count.

-indeed, it would be better for your both that it doesn’t spread out, at least out of school.” Himchan-hyung warned and we both agreed with Yongguk-hyung that it would be safer this way. Not that I was ashamed of anything, nor scared. But we did have already numerous problems coming to us; we didn’t need this one more, even though I didn’t like the idea of hiding ourselves.

 

This being settled, life goes on. Bell ringing, notifying students it was time to get back to class. We left Daehyun-hyung head in the fridge, Youngjae-hyung having fun with his cards and probabilities, and parted at the exit of the basement, going each our own ways.

 

[From Wonshik: You really asked him that? Ha ha]

[To Wonshik: Well, he could have known. But yeah, we’re going to live our love hidden.]

 

Between two texts, I listened to what the teacher was saying, catching a word or two. Even though Yongguk-hyung had say each subject was interesting, I couldn’t bring myself to listen to the monotonous tone of this teacher. Or at least without taking a nosedive, which hadn’t really ended pretty well last time it happened.

 

[From Wonshik: that’s so thrilling!!]

 

I smiled at the message I just received. Indeed that was kind of thrilling, to live a hidden love with Yongguk-hyung, it was only for us to know and to share. But the other side of the coin, was a lot less thrilling, it meant we would have to wait to be only the two of us to be together as we wanted. Which would be only in the basement or once we would be home.

 

[To Wonshik: yeah… to me it looks more frustrating than thrilling…]

 

“Mr. Choi” the voice of the teacher called me and looking up, I noticed every student was looking at me while the teacher standing in front the blackboard was glaring at me. We could say, he had just caught me red-handed. I had both my hands in my pencil case where I was hiding my phone to text with Wonshik during classes. “Apparently the conversation you’re having is way more interesting than the way Egyptians did build pyramids. So please, share with us your adventures.”

 

He started walking to my desk, and I had only a few seconds to close the conversation we were having and to press any button to call my hyung. As I got my hands off my phone, the teacher grabbed my pencil case to take out my phone from it. “Let’s see” he said, but as he was about to open the last conversation I was having, someone called me. [MISTER JUNG INCOMING CALL] was appearing, and I thanked God that he was this reactive. What would have been the point on deciding to keep my relation with Yongguk-hyung secret, if that was for minutes after, for the History teacher to read out loud conversation about it in front the whole class.

“You can reply if you want” I said, lying back on my seat looking at my teacher, freezing as he kept staring at my phone screen, “and if you do, you should do it fast because he’ll wonder why I’m not answering and he is not really the patient kind of person.” I kept on the act, I just needed to be convincing enough so he would drop the case and leave me at peace. But what he did wasn’t what I expected him to do. A smirk appeared on his face and he handed me my phone back, “it is your phone, I’m letting you reply. Please do.” Blinking at him, I slowly took my phone from his hands and answered the call.

“Mr. Jung?” I said, deciding that I had to keep playing along if I didn’t want to be doomed.

 

> Junhong? Why did you try to call me? Aren’t you in class right now?

“Yes, I’m sorry.” I bowed answering at my phone; all I needed is for my teacher to believe I was speaking with Daehyun-hyung’s father. “I hadn’t replied earlier because my teacher wanted to …” I glanced at my teacher whose face turned white, and I restrained for a smile to spread on mine. He was totally buying it, “...to check on my phone, I suppose. You know that I’m currently in class, right?”

> Ha ha, okay, I get it. But you shouldn’t be on your phone while you’re in class, and should listen to your poor teacher trying to get something into your brain.

“Of course, I’m always trying to reply you as soon as I can, even if I’m in class.” It was clear that my hyung was taking advantage that others around me couldn’t hear what he was saying, to tell me whatever he wanted, which could have no direct link with whatever I was coming up with.

> Which class is it?

“Mr. Shin, Sir.” I clearly heard my teacher, who was still standing next to me, gulping down his saliva, slowly starting to doubt that it was indeed the true Daejung I had on the phone, and I wasn’t playing him a trick.

> History… hmm. Sure, he’s boring as fuck. I often fall asleep during his class when I had him as a teacher.

“Yes, I’ll let my teacher know about the … situation.”

> Let’s get to what we want both. You don’t want Yongguk-hyung to know about the ‘situation’ you’re currently in. And I want to go have fun tonight, but already got my proposal rejected this morning.

“Thank you for your understanding, Sir. I’m sorry but, I am disturbing the class right now, can you please keeping texting instead and I’ll do my best to keep up to your expectations.”

> You know what. If you didn’t exist, someone would have to invent you! You’re the perfect dongsaeng! Tonight, at the club, 7PM.

Without waiting for my reply he hung up, but I still had to deal with my teacher next to me, so I kept talking to the ringing tone “Thank you, Sir.” I bowed once and pressed the button to hang up even though the connection had already been stopped. “Sir,” I turned to my teacher whom had some sweat pearling on his forehead, “Mr. Jung asked me to let you know that I can’t let him without answers and if-” but the teacher didn’t let me finish the threat.

“Yes, y-yes, I got it. Just don… don’t disturb the class again.” He tried to move his hands, trying to hide the fact he was shaking and walked back to the blackboard while I sat back behind my desk. And I felt glad I hadn’t to go further, my mind was completely blank and I had no idea what threat I could have come up with if he hadn’t interrupted me. This is how I spent the end of this class, to convince my other hyungs to go have fun tonight with Daehyun-hyung.

 

Leaving the class with Wonshik and Minrin, I caught sight of Dongyeon at the end of the corridor. I waved at him, thinking that he might like to come to the party as he had come in vacation with us. I guessed he was being invited too. But it seemed like he didn’t notice me and left the corridor to go outside, which was weird because it wasn’t a break we were having right now. It was only for us to move from one class to another one.

“Wonshik, I’m not coming to next class. Can you tell the teacher I’m with a student who’s not feeling well?

-A-alright, you’re going to see Dongyeon?” I nodded and he agreed on covering me up.

 

“Skiving?” I asked getting near Dongyeon who was lying on the grass, his back against a tree. Even though it was only the both of us outside, he didn’t looked up at me, nor did he responded beside a long and bored sigh. “Am I annoying you?

-you are.

-wow… I wasn’t expecting this…” I said, trying to put on a smile as I sat down next to him.

“What were you even expecting?

-Nothing in particular, a more warm welcome. I’m worried for you.

-are you really? Because, I don’t feel like anyone out there really cares.

-talking about Yongnam-hyung?

-no… yes... mostly.

-what happened?

-what happened? Nothing happened!

-what’s the problem then?

-haven't you heard? Not a thing happened! Not even a tiny little text to ask how I was going. Nor even to let me know if he was doing well.

-Yongnam-hyung is not really the type to give away news every now and then.

-sure, you know him a lot more than I do.” he mumbled lying on his side, so he was turning his back on me.

“Listen, tonight we’re going to meet with everyone. I’ll ask Yongguk-hyung to bring his twin so you can meet him there, would that be fine for you?” I asked and he sat up suddenly, turning to me with a beaming smile.

“Thank you, Hyung!” I smiled relieved; I wasn’t particularly at ease when he would be angry with me, for no apparent reason. We stayed a bit silent, and the one to break it was Dongyeon, “about what happened this summer. At the beach…

-It’s okay.

-No… I’m sorry but I kept thinking about it.” Not knowing why, my heart started pounding as though I just ran around the sport ground. “When we talked about your father’s firm,” I stayed silent and let him continue even though I didn’t like where this conversation was going and fearing how it would end. “After that Yongnam-hyung explained me about your parents, what they really do for living and everything that happened to you.

-he told you… everything?

-I think… like. Why you’re living with Yongguk-hyung and not with your parents…

-hmm…

-I’m sorry.

-why?

-your life hadn’t been as easy as I thought it was.

-its okay, you got your part of drama in your life too.

-... talking about that… do you know what you want to do for a living?

-I don’t know… I hadn’t really thought about it. What about you?

-I want to be an actor. Not only in movies, but I want also to play on stage. Even though, it would be the same story, the play wouldn’t feel the same from one day compared to its previous one.

-that’s cool!”

He smiled proudly and stood up. I felt glad I had been able to bring a smile to his face, and was about to stand too when I noticed it had disappear as fast as it had come.

 

“My parents always warned me about moneyless people. They say it is because they want our fame, our position, our house, our money, and our lives. When I told them about you, after the summer vacation, they ordered me to never talk to you again, and to stay as far as I could from you.” And here it was, my heart was beating stronger than before, but not the kind of beating which made you feel alive, it was more like it was trying to get out of my body, because, like me, he didn’t want to listen to what would come after.

“I refused. I told them you were different than the common people they’re afraid of.

-I am.” I tried to defend myself, even though I felt lost at words.

“So I believed. But they asked me who your friends were at school.

-Wonshik and Minrin?

-they don’t know about your condition right? I mean, that you’re not from our world, or even taken into the school because of your grades. And they’re not your only friends. The nearest ones you have. They’re from the most powerful and wealthier families around the town, maybe from the country even.” I frowned, scared to understand what he was implying behind these words.

“Dongyeon, I am not after their wealth. You know that? I always refused for them to pay whatever for me.

-yes, yet they do.

-that’s because they want to, not because I asked them to.

-yes. That’s what I want to believe in. I really want, but that’s not how I grew up. In my world, we don’t trust each other, mostly the ones who have less than we do. In this world, I grew up in; children inherit their parents’ business one day, or are promised to do great things. And there are you, the one I considered my hero. What about you Hyung? Where do you stand in this world? What will you do after MAMA?”

 

What will I do? After.

 

“I simply hope you don’t plan on living on Yongguk-hyung’s back. I’m sure; he would earn enough money for the two of you to live until the end of your days. But that’s not how it works. He could never work, and yet he will, by inheriting this school with Yongnam-hyung.”

He was making a point here. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life by Yongguk-hyung’s sides…

“We’re still young, but isn’t it normal to wonder about what to do with our life? Did you really only planned on living with Yongguk-hyung, enjoying his wealth, without doing anything aside?”

 

Did I?

 

“That’s what my parents warned me about.”

“It’s not Yongguk-hyung’s wealth I want.”

“Yes. You love him, and I know it more than anyone else. But maybe, I’m too biased. Not everyone is, and not everyone knows what I do. So I just wanted to let you know also the situation seen from my parents.”

Maybe, it all had begun this way… at school, between a poor girl and a rich guy. So in what way was I different from my mother?


End file.
